Work Text:
As a general rule of thumb, any time Amity spends with Luz is absolutely wonderful.
Willow’s joked to her before that she’d enjoy climbing through a skip with Luz, and honestly, Amity can’t deny it. When she was younger, she’d read stories of how typical high school couples never lasted, eventually getting bored of each other before going off to college.
But she and Luz aren’t exactly typical, and Amity can never see herself getting bored of Luz.
They spend half their time simply lounging around each other’s houses and enjoying each other’s company after a week spent apart, and Amity wouldn’t trade it for the world.
However, it’s also fun when Luz suggests a new activity they can do together, normally one from the human realm that Amity’s never experienced before.
That’s how Amity’s winded up here, standing near the front of a mass of people and staring up at the stage decked out with a keyboard, three microphones, and guitars ready and waiting. Luz is behind her, and Amity is trying not to panic about that. When they first entered the audience area for this concert, she was standing shoulder to shoulder with Luz, but with more people joining and a whole support act’s set having come and gone, the crowd had naturally flowed and now Amity has to turn around to talk to Luz.
It’s fine, though. This is a fun opportunity - Amity has never been to a human realm concert, and Luz loves this artist, and Amity wants to share the things she loves. Comparing their cultures is fun, and everyone in the crowd is loving it despite the main act not coming out yet.
Deep down, though, there’s a feeling deep in Amity’s stomach that is just… slightly off. She’s having a fun time! But she’s been standing up for a while, and she finished her water ages ago and she feels bad asking to share Luz’s too much, and the music during the support act was… really loud. It’s fun to be at the front and see everything so close, but the bass practically rattled through her body.
When she’d turned around to say as much as Luz, Luz grinned. “Yeah, it’s supposed to be like that. It’s cool, right?” Amity’s face must not have conveyed that, because Luz then faltered. “I mean, it was pretty loud. It wasn’t too much for you, was it?”
Something had twisted inside Amity at seeing Luz’s excitement fade because of her. She’d reached for Luz’s hand. “No, it’s fine, trust me. Just a bit weird at first.”
Luz had squeezed her hand back, and, well, that was enough for Amity as she turned back around.
It should be enough. Luz is right here, she’s warm and comforting, and this is a fun experience.
Amity repeats that mantra as the main act comes out to an immediate chorus of cheers, Luz’s voice among them.
Amity politely claps as their band takes their places, slinging on guitar straps and playing a few warmup notes. The electric hum that rattles throughout the venue is, again, loud.
She’s just being ridiculous at this point, though. Amity’s always been a bit sensitive to loud noises, and part of the reason she agreed to come here was because Luz reassured her this band makes chill music. They do, Amity’s listened herself - and so once she stops fretting over how loud their guitars are turned up and the band starts properly playing, she’ll be fine.
The lead singer takes the microphone. “Hartford, how are y’all doing tonight?” she asks, and the cheers only grow louder. Despite everything, Amity smiles. She is really pretty. Being at the front has advantages. Just as she thinks that, Luz leans forward and whispers: “She’s so pretty, isn’t she?”
Amity half-turns to give her a grin. “Yeah.”
The lead singer hypes up the crowd more while her bandmates finish tuning and prepping, and Amity holds her breath in anticipation. Then the drummer hits his sticks to count them in, and the show begins.
It’s a popular song to start, and everyone cheers more, surges closer. Amity’s brain barely registers the bodies around her as her thoughts are immediately overwhelmed by loud.
It’s fine, though - it’s tolerable. The music is good. She’s having fun.
She could really do with some of Luz’s water, though. She’ll ask in a second.
The songs continue, and the music thrums throughout Amity’s body and rolls in her stomach. With each song she gets closer to the stage and the apex of the venue, and she has to keep anxiously checking that Luz is still behind her. She is, though, and she sends Amity a thumbs up every time.
Amity’s legs kinda hurt, and the lack of sleep she’s got recently is kicking in a little, but hey, the volume is more than enough to keep her awake. Maybe she’s kinda looking forward to the end of the set so she can just get out of here and collapse at home with Luz, but that doesn’t mean she’s not having fun, does it?
It’s around the sixth or seventh song that everything goes wrong.
Everything is loud. Amity knows that. She can deal with that. Every sound is reverberating deeply inside her and she can feel it in her stomach and everyone is packed into her sides but that’s fine. Luz told her concerts were like this. Luz asked if they should get standing or seating tickets and Amity agreed to stand. She can deal with whatever discomfort she’s feeling, she’s not five.
She inhales and exhales deeply with force, though the sounds of her breaths are easily drowned out by the music and the crowd. Okay. Maybe it’s time to ask Luz for water.
“You okay, babe?” Luz asks when Amity turns around.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine-” Amity’s voice is very quiet in her ears, even though she thinks she’s speaking loudly. “Can I- can I just get some water, please?”
“Of course,” Luz says, pulling her bottle out of her bag, and Amity takes it with two shaky hands. She takes a grateful sip, and immediately, her very bones feel soothed, and she downs half the bottle almost immediately.
She hands it back to Luz with a grateful sigh. Luz raises an eyebrow. “You good?”
“I’m fine, I’m just - enjoying myself too much, haha!” Amity’s sure her laugh sounds fake, but she can barely hear herself. She gives Luz’s hand another squeeze before turning back around.
She’s re-energised now. She can make it through this concert. Titan, water is so amazing, why does she always forget that?
Another song starts up, and Amity smiles a little. This is one of the one’s she’s heard Luz play a lot.
She gets into the song, for about ten seconds. But the loudness is rolling into her in waves, again, and it’s not pleasant, and she can feel it in her stomach. The crowd is close, and they surge closer as the song reaches the chorus.
Oh, she doesn’t feel good.
It’s fine. She grits her teeth. Can’t be long left of the show now. It’s too loud and everyone is too close but it’s fine, she’s having fun with Luz, even if she’s swaying on her feet and not because she’s getting lost in the music. Her stomach is churning and she feels a little bit too hot and it’s not out of excitement, it feels more like…
Nausea.
Oh shit.
Panic overtakes her. She feels like she’s going to throw up in the middle of a crowd of a couple thousand people. She needs to go. But she can’t. Everyone is close. Too close. They wouldn’t like it if she pushed them out of the way, that’d be rude, and Blights aren’t rude.
Just a few more songs. Half an hour at most. She’s fine. She’s going to throw up but it’s fine, she can’t just get out of here-
Shit, she really can’t get out of here. She’s trapped. Shoulder to shoulder with people she doesn’t know. If she waved her arms no one would notice. If she screamed it would be drowned out by the bass. There’s nothing she can do-
Luz. She needs to tell Luz. Luz will know what to do.
She turns around. “Luz.”
She feels her mouth move but she can’t hear her own voice.
Luz frowns. “Yeah? What’s wrong?”
“I- I feel sick,” Amity admits, or at least she thinks she does. She can’t tell if she’s speaking or if this is all a horrible dream.
“Do you want some water?” Luz asks. Somehow, Amity can hear her just fine.
And she almost laughs. She wants to say, Babe, we are so past the point of water helping me. I’m about to die.
But she doesn’t say that. She doesn’t say anything. The music gets louder, the crowd gets closer, and Amity is going to ruin someone’s night by throwing up in five seconds if she doesn’t get out fast.
So, she pushes past Luz and runs.
It’s too hot. She’s racing against time. She barges past strangers with no Blight courtesy, she doesn’t even see their faces - they’re just obstacles, grey bodies in the way of her getting out. She doesn’t say sorry, she can’t hear a thing, her head rings with a chorus of out, out, out.
Right when she thinks the nausea will overwhelm her, she breaks free of the crowd. She’s at the back of the venue now, and there’s a gap between the standing section and the bar, and the music isn’t so loud anymore. Slowly, she feels the nausea roll away. She takes a deep breath in, and out.
In, and out.
She looks around, dazed. No one seems to have noticed her plight. Everyone in this area is smiling and relaxed - the view from back here is terrible, but no one seems to mind. There’s a couple twirling each other around as they sing out-of-tune without a care in the world. A group of guys sip beers and half of them aren’t even looking at the stage.
And there’s a kid her age sitting with their back against the wall, head in their hands. Me fucking too, Amity thinks.
Amity keeps walking, directionless as her body calms down and her breathing evens out. It’s cooler back here. She can feel the air-conditioning. And there’s a bar. Water. She could use some more of that right now.
But then she looks towards the stage, and an uncomfortable feeling rolls in her stomach. Not nausea this time, but embarrassment.
What the fuck was that? What is wrong with her? The stage is miles away, and Amity gets a good view of the number of people she pushed past, all without a sorry or an excuse me. She can practically hear Odalia’s voice in her head, nagging her for being such a rude child, and Titan, it’s been a while since she heard that particular voice entering her thoughts.
And Luz. Luz! She just left Luz at the front without a word. She completely abandoned her, with no explanation. Amity quickly pulls out the human phone Luz gave her, finding their messages. She rattles off a few frantic texts letting Luz know where she is, that she's fine, and that Luz doesn’t need to worry about her. Her hands shake as she does so.
A red message flashes up on the screen. Not Delivered. Amity bites her lip as she checks - yep, no service. Why would you build a music venue at a place with no service? She anxiously paces, shaking her phone as if that would somehow magically make the messages send. Her breathing gets a little faster as she keeps staring down at those little red letters-
“Amity!”
Amity looks up at the familiar voice, and is immediately met with Luz’s brown eyes, staring at her with concern.
“Sorry, it took me a while to get here - had to push past some really stubborn people - but are you okay? Do you still feel sick?”
And Amity takes a moment to process, to realise that Luz abandoned their perfect spot at the front, turned her back on the band she loves, just to come and find her. Overwhelmed with emotion, she surges forward to wrap Luz in a hug.
“I’m okay,” she says weakly, hating how her voice sounds like she’s about to cry. (Then and again, at least she can hear her own voice again now.) She’s stupid, this is nothing worth crying over. “It’s better, back here. Less loud.”
“I’m sorry,” Luz replies, as they separate, and Amity’s heart clenches. “I should’ve noticed you were getting overwhelmed. It was pretty noisy, and this is your first concert experience - I should have taken you to something more chill-”
“Luz.” Amity cuts her off. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have just been so-” Weak, is the word her mind supplies, again in that voice that sounds too much like her mother. Memories flit through Amity’s head, of a cold wrist dragging her hands off her ears when everything felt too much. That was years ago, though, when she was a kid - she thought she was over that now. “I messed up your night for no reason,” she finishes, looking at the floor.
Even without meeting Luz’s gaze, she can feel the soft look her girlfriend is directing her way. “I’m gonna get you some water from the bar, okay?” Luz says, gently.
“Okay,” Amity replies, past the lump in her throat.
While Luz heads to the bar, Amity moves to the wall, slumping down on it and sighing. She doesn’t deserve Luz. It’s a thought she’s had many times, one she’s still trying to get over, but in times like this, it’s hard for it not to persist. This was supposed to be a fun night, and she just completely derailed it over something totally minor. Of course concerts are loud. What did she expect? It’s part of the experience she should’ve enjoyed, not ran away from in a panic.
She looks up as Luz returns, holding a big cup of water with ice in it. With the nausea in her stomach having dissipated, the sight of the water brings nothing but relief to Amity. She takes it as Luz sits down next to her. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Luz replies.
They sit in silence for a little while - as silent as it can be in a packed music venue. Amity sips the water, and closes her eyes in relief at how refreshing it feels. She tries to ignore the squirming feeling of shame that still plagues her.
“You didn’t mess up my night,” Luz begins, quietly. “I’m only having fun if you are too. I’d never be mad at you for not enjoying something, you know that, right?”
Amity nods. She does know that, and that’s the worst part. Luz has never given her any reason to believe differently, and yet, the nagging voice that this is foolish behaviour and that she’s a weak failure refuses to go away.
“And honestly, I feel a little bad for not… warning you more, I guess? Concerts are loud, and I enjoy them for that, but I shouldn’t have assumed you would. Now that I think about it, you’ve never really liked loud noises, huh?” Luz continues.
Amity still can’t meet her gaze. “I’m seventeen, Luz. Bit too old for ‘not liking loud noises’.”
“Well, okay. You can say that, but you’re never too old to have a borderline panic attack over a really overwhelming environment packed full of people. It’s totally understandable,” Luz says. “Please, Amity. I don’t want you to blame yourself for this.”
“I don’t want you to blame yourself either,” Amity sighs. “I shouldn’t have freaked out like that. I wanted to have a good time, too.”
“But you did freak out, and that’s fine,” Luz insists, her hand finding Amity’s free one. “Let’s not blame either of ourselves, then, okay? This was simply one of those things that happens. I’m just glad you’re feeling better now.”
“Thanks,” Amity replies, taking another sip of water. When she’s done, she adds: “So you’re saying that this isn’t uncommon?”
“People collapse at concerts, sometimes. Normally ‘cause they didn’t eat or drink enough that day,” Luz replies, thumb stroking over her skin.
“Oh. Huh. Well, I’m sorry for worrying you,” Amity says.
Luz shakes her head. “It’s nothing. Like I said, just happy you’re fine now.”
There’s another period of silence between them, Amity content to listen to the cheers of the crowd and the now-gentle thrum of music, both seeming far away from their little conversation. She takes a few more deep breaths and sips of water as she works out how to try and properly address Luz’s concerns.
“...You’re right. I am quite sensitive to loud noise,” Amity finally admits, and Luz looks at her. “Ever since I was little, I’ve always jumped super hard at sudden noises, or struggled with being in busy crowds, stuff like that. Ed and Em noticed, and they’d tease me for it.”
Amity swallows. “My mom noticed too.”
Luz sighs next to her. “And let me guess, she told you that it was stupid and unbecoming of a Blight and that you needed to get over yourself and grow up even though you were probably, like, six?”
Despite the situation, Amity laughs, a little bit. “Nice to know that in addition to being horrible, my mother is also incredibly predictable.”
Luz squeezes her hand. “I’ve just heard far too many of the awful things she’s said and done to you over the years to not know how she is. I’m so sorry, Amity. I wish I could go back in time and just tell her to… leave you the hell alone. In addition to many other things I’d like to tell her.”
“You did a pretty good job of telling her to leave me the hell alone in the short time you were unfortunately acquainted with her,” Amity points out.
“Hey, that’s true,” Luz replies, “but I wish I could have done more.”
Amity knows Luz wishes she was there for her far earlier than when they met, back when Amity was helpless against Odalia’s attacks and there was no one to drag her off the terrible path ending in the Emperor’s Coven her mother was forcing her down. Sadly, them being born in different realms means that will always be a fantasy, a yearning what-if, but it’s a nice sentiment.
And besides, she has Luz now.
“I should have left the crowd and come back here way sooner,” Amity says. “I was too stubborn, too ashamed to admit that I was getting overwhelmed by what I thought was just loud noise. In the end, it took my body’s pure instinct to decide I needed to get out of there. That was stupid.”
“Hermosa, it’s fine,” Luz tells her.
“I’m sure you’d be a bit less forgiving if I’d thrown up on your shoes,” Amity replies dryly.
Luz scrunches her face up. “Hmmm, I would have dealt with it.”
“Don’t say that, I see you cleaning these shoes, like, every week.”
“Okay, I might have had a crisis if you had, but I wouldn’t have been mad at you. Those are two different things,” Luz says, tugging Amity closer and pressing a kiss into her hair. “I’ll love you even if you vom all over my shoes.”
“Aww. No one does flirting like you.”
“You started talking about this hypothetical scenario first, don’t blame me.” Luz leans back to look at her. “You definitely don’t still feel nauseous?”
Amity waves a hand. “Away from the front near the stage, I’m fine. Also, love you too.”
“Alright, well, note to self: if we ever come to another concert, we’ll stand away from the front. And I’m gonna buy you some good ear plugs. Premium quality.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I wanna do anything to make sure you’re comfortable,” Luz says. “Ear plugs are useful even if you never feel like coming to another concert again. Loads of people get overwhelmed by how loud day to day life can be, too. Especially neurodivergent people.”
“Huh, well, that makes sense,” Amity hums, before taking a deep breath. “And I think… I wouldn’t be opposed to trying another concert, if I had my earplugs and we weren’t so near the front. I’ve also been really tired recently and I was kinda dehydrated, which didn’t help today.”
“Yeah, that’d do it,” Luz says, lifting a hand to press against Amity’s forehead. “You don’t feel too much like you’re burning up now.”
“This probably helps,” Amity says, holding up her gigantic cup of water, and she and Luz both laugh. “I also, uh. Wouldn’t mind seeing the rest of this show, if we stay back here.”
“That’s cool with me,” Luz replies. “Do you wanna get up now?”
“I can give it a try,” Amity half-jokes.
In the end, she does need to lean on Luz to stand up, but she manages it. The world is calm now; the panic, embarrassment and nausea from earlier have all exited her body. The band announce they’re coming up to their last couple of songs, and the crowd cheers loudly, but hovering at the edge of the venue, Amity finds the atmosphere more than manageable. There’s plenty of room to have their own personal space, her and Luz, minus the fact that the twirling couple from earlier are now even more drunk and threaten to careen into everyone around them as they dance.
“You okay?” Luz asks, as the band begins another song.
Amity nods. The view back here is limited, but it’s a trade off she’s willing to make to not get overwhelmed again. Still though, she looks at Luz. “Are you okay with this? I know how excited you were about standing at the front.”
“This is fine,” Luz says. “Half my motivation for wanting to stand at the front was just to see the pretty lead singer anyway… but there’s a much prettier girl standing next to me right now.”
“Luz,” Amity half-groans, but she leans closer into Luz anyway.
The song is one of Luz’s favourites, she knows, and she’s heard it on Luz’s playlists too many times now to not be a massive fan of it too. As the song continues, they begin to sway along to the rhythm, and Amity’s head feels clear for the first time all night.
Just as the song meets its finale and the sound of the guitar fades out, Luz whispers into her ear: “You tell me any time that terrible excuse for a mother is making you feel bad again, and I’ll be here to remind you how wonderful you are. I love you to bits, Amity.”
“Thanks, I will,” Amity says back. “I love you too.”
With the band heading towards the encore, and Luz by her side, Amity loses herself in the music at last.