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Chris pov*
You think Matt and Nick know?
I said quietly to my self while slapping both of my hands on my face lightly. I’ll admit it was kinda corny. So what? I’ll be corny? Ew. I know. Even though it happened weeks ago it still hurts.
Third person pov**
Nick was the first to notice. He always had a sense. He was the first to notice something wrong in car videos, or even in general. Nick had a gut feeling something was wrong with Chris. He just couldn’t put his finger on what.
——- next day ——
Chris grabbed himself a Pepsi, Pepsi had always been his favorite drink. He just loved the taste. It was kinda a comfort drink. As he was thinking he had the fridge wide open just staring in it standing blankly. He was just thinking about soda. Until those memories hit.
All Chris feels is his feet was on the floor and just hands. Their Hands. He thought he had gotten over this? He was just being dramatic. Some people died from that. And plus he’s a man and he’s supposed to be strong? Right? He couldn’t even see. All he saw was dark. All he felt was hands. His ears were ringing. What was happening? Did he eat something bad? He suddenly felt so light weight. He can’t even breathe properly. His heart was racing for some reason. Then questions stop popping up. Just memories. Why him? Couldn’t they have just stopped when he told them to? Why couldn’t he fight back, well he gets his hands where pinned and his legs. But he was stronger right?
“Chris?” Matt called. Chris obviously didn’t hear him. At all.
Matt was thirsty after a long day of simply doing nothing. He felt bored all day. So he went to get a drink, he didn’t know what drink but just a random drink.
”what the fuck?” Matt says to himself silently as Chris is just standing with the fridge door open. Like wtf? He’s gonna melt everything???
“Chris! Get the fuck out of the fridge.” Matt says annoyed. Like why wouldn’t he be his idiot brother was standing with the door open? He hated when Chris acted stupid. Ok. Now Matt was getting worried. Why’d Chris just standing there?Whats happening to him? Is Chris okay?
”Chris?” Matt called out. No response. What if chris was like transforming or getting possessed? Ok no that’s silly.
matt creeped closer and step by step Matt got more nervous. He turns to see Chris face and he’s just staring ahead?what’s going on with him.
”NICK?” Matt says in a complete panic. What was he supposed to do?
“what the fuck do you wa-“ Nick pauses as he walks in the room. Nick looks super confused.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Nick says as he walks closer to Matt and Chris.
“first of Chris let’s close the fri-“
”he’s not gonna hear you” Matt says cutting nick of immediately.
”what did he lose his fucking hearing or something” Nick had a bad feeling a few minutes ago before Matt called him. He knew something was happening.
”I..” Matt trailed off with the I a bit. Which made nicks stomach have that gut hurt feeling. “I don’t know…?” Matt said he was overly concerned. Matt could tell nicks heart dropped. By the way nick was breathing.
Nick walked over to Chris in a slow speed motion. Matt couldn’t describe it. He wanted to walk there fast but was scared to go.
”Chris?” Nick asked softly. But loudly? Matt couldn’t tell.
”y-yeah?” Chris says . Chris SAID?? Finally Matt thought. At least he’s speaking?.
”Chris look at me.” Nick says carefully. But like he really needs Chris to look at him.
“I..” Chris trailed off. Just the same thing as Matt did.
“You what Chris” Nick says patting his shoulders. Chris breath was broken. Like he was being sofocated.
”I can’t” Chris breathes out like he was holdin in his breath. Wait. Matt remembers this. He went through this?
——-
“matt?” Nick says stammering and Mary Lou walks into the room.
”there’s something wrong with Matt!” Nick and Chris say at the same time. Mary Lou looks at the boys her curls moving as she looks around quickly.
”now boys, I need you guys to go and do something Matt’s having a anxiety attack.”
—————
Matt’s had one. But Chris is different. It’s not anxiety? Then what is it?. Matt’s anxiety attack didn’t make him not see, well kinda.
Matt looked at nick and then back at Chris. He still had the Pepsi in his hand which made it red since it was cold.
”what do you mean you can’t?” Nick said so soft. For some reason Matt doesn’t think he ever heard that voice from nick.
”e-I can see a bit it’s just kinda a little grey?” Chris says and nick noticed Chris breathing went kinda back to normal
Chris looked around for a second and then immediately dropped the pepsi to the floor.
”sh!t! THATS cold asf” Chris says chucking slightly trying to brighten the mood. Matt and Nick where not having it.Matt and Nick looked at eachother then at Chris.
”Chris. What the fuck was that.” Matt says while his hand is out pushing Chris on his shoulder a little.
Chris didn’t even know. He was just standing in the fridge thinking about Pepsi and then he couldn’t move.
”I.. I dont know..?” Chris ask a hint of confusion in his voice. Matt and Nick just look at him and walk away. They simply are tired and stressed and don’t need to argue.
CHRIS POV!**
they walked away as I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t want them to know or worry. They’re already stressed enough. Matt had anxiety and nicks insecure. So worry about me is too much for them already. I can keep it inside.
when I get to my room I pass by mats and Matt’s just playing some game as I walk in my room and shut the door.
I let out a sigh. And. Ok they just start pouring out. I can’t help but cry. It hurts so much. I really don't wanna be here. Well not like that. I wanna be here. But not here? I can’t explain it. I don’t have the balls to cut? Yes I do. Maybe it will be good? Maybe it is. No. I won’t do that. I have to go shower.
when i walked into the bathroom. I saw the razor. It caught my eye. I’m going to grab it. And I did . I pulled out the lighter I used to light candles. Burning my lower leg almost at my feet. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it was. I didn’t want to burn myself. I just did that do the cut won’t have the sting. Woah. I feel like all my stress has been lifted. The pain kinda feels good? I like it. oh there’s blood. What ever.
“Chris” oh sh!t! Fuck. Matt called me. I gotta stop the bleeding. Why is he in my room anyway.
“y..yeah?!?!?” I say hopefully I sound believable. I dont want matt to know. I rush. Ok the blood stopped. But it’s still super red.
”open the door.” Matt sounded worried. I struggled to stand up no one should be worrying about me.
“yea Matt..- and Nick” I didn’t know Nick was next to him. Ok gotta play it cool.
”what do you guys want.” I hope I sound annoyed.
“Chris,” shit they sound disappointed or something. Did I do anything? I’m sorry. What if I upset them? No why would I do that bro. This is all my fault.
”y-yeah?” I can’t even speak English properly. I hate this.
They’re looking at me like I’m crazy. I don’t want them to think bad of me. Shit something stoping my breath. Fuck I’m gonna collapse.
”where gonna film a car video lets go” Matt says silently looking at me judging me. He probably hates me.
“yea-uhm let me just uhm- get ready. I say covering my mark with my other foot. They won’t suspect. Why would they?.
i shut my door and go back to the corner of my room. I scramble around looking for the lighter. And ah found it. The blade Is still here.
I’ll do it on the upper leg. The burn doesn’t hurt this time (GUYS DO NOT GO FUCKING CUTING URSELF PLS ITS NOT HEATHY ⚠️) it feels good.
“Chris..?” Fuck. They’re in my room.? How the fuck. I slide the lighter under the bed and stand up quickly.
“What? Why the fuck are you guys in my fucking room?” I say I hope I sound annoyed.
”we just can to tell u where not filming anymore? What where you doing?” Nick looks at me as he says that. I know he knows. I can’t even look him in the eye. I just want them to go.
”none of your damn business.” I go to push them out of my way and into my room.
THIRD PERSON POV !! **
Chris pushed his brothers out the way and went to the fridge to get a Pepsi and relax. He gets one and goes sit down Matt and Nick follow.
The following week has been and out of body experience for Chris. He feels like he’s just watching his life.
As he hopped in the shower he felt everything. His mind came back and he couldn’t help but sob. Loudly and non controlling. As he got out the shower he picked up the blade and lighter. He didn’t care where he put it he just needed all the pain to leave. He grabbed the lighter and lit his arm up. Burning but not enough to make a mark. Chris put the blade up to his arm. And cut deep blood seeping out as he cut he needed this. All the pain flew out of his arm with the blood. He let out a sigh of relief.
”yea so me and Matt wanna go get Taco Bell and-“ Nick came in and stopped moving as soon as he saw Chris and what he was doing.
”Nick hurry the fuck up it doesn’t take that long to..” Matt saw to.
“Chris no fucking way.” Nick says staring down at chris who looked up at then with shaky eyes and forming tears.
”chris no way your doing that.” Matt says chris feels like there judging him or disappointed.
“f-fuck. I’m sorry.” Chris says tears pouring out of his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Chris repeated himself 10 more times as nick rushed over to him Matt following behind quickly. Chris breath gets hitched and fast. His knees going up to his chest. Nick patted his back.
”it’s ok chris shh. What happened.. why did you do this to yourself” Nick says ass Matt hugs Chris.
”I-I’m sorry- they- they um they hurt me- and like um I hated what they did and I-I decided and like the pain like went out when I- c-cut myself- t-the pain- would like- f-flow- out and I- like im sorry, I’m sorry, fuck. Im sorry” chris blurted out quickly through sobs.
”who? And how’d there hurt you?” Chris looked up slowly at the person who said that. He couldn’t even tell. Tears where blurring his eyes as he puts his head back in his knees.
”I- don’t know- t-them I-I w-was just in the bathroom- and- they d-did that-. And they uhm. Touched me? And did more. A-and I t-tried to stop them- I-I swear- t-they just wasn’t listening a-at all.” Chris says super fast through sobs. Matt and Nick looked at each-other with shocked faces. They lifted chris to his feet and took him over to the bathroom.
cleaned his cut while he had his head down sniffing the whole time. His light blue beanie on his hair and his hair covering his eyes. His striped blue and white sweater sleeve pulled up as Nick and Matt cleaned his wound. They brought him back to Matt’s room and sat down and hugged each-other.
“Chris it’s ok ,don’t do that to yourself.” Matt says while they were all hugged up. They fell asleep like that.