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He was cross-legged on the couch, ankles touching each opposite knee, with a magazine resting on his lap. Behind him the TV played early adverts for Autumn sales, and from their one battered armchair he heard his dad say his name, "Haru? You thought any on what you want for your birthday?"
"A puppy," Bane said, without looking up from his reading.
"Yeah, no chance. Try again."
Bane trailed his finger along the line of the article he was reading then held it flat against the page when he reached the full stop. Then he raised his face, pursing his lips to help him chew over ideas all the better. "Well there's always that rubber raft I showed you? It might be on sale now summer's over."
"Oh that one?" Dad rubbed at the stubble on his chin, "what are ya gonna do with it, though, take it out to sea and--"
"Yeah, get everyone on board, then we'll go ride it out to sea, try an' find some--"
"--yeah but, what if a storm cooks up and you all get lost out at sea?" Dad paused, and in the pause, Bane blurted out how it would never happen because they're smarter than that, but his Dad went on, "I dunno, kid, the other parents would totally have my ass for it," he heaved a sigh, "ya know they barely trust your Ma and me as it is." Dad rubbed at the back of his neck.
Bane frowned, and with energy said, "I'm sure it's not really like that!" but his shoulders were tensing. Dad raised his eyebrows, and sat forward in the armchair. He held his palms out flat in front of him.
"Well, never mind that, alright? Maybe it's my imagination, yeah?" He waited until he saw Bane nod, then changed the subject, "Anyway, got any plans with your friends? A party or somethin'?"
Bane looked down at his magazine, shrugged, and flipped it closed, "Well, yeah, but it'll be on the weekend so it can be a joint thing with Sae."
"Sae? Oh, Saeki-kun, right? His birthday is…" Dad trailed off.
"The first," Bane said, and Dad nodded.
"Soon then, the first, I see. Okay. So you're free on your actual birthday? Did you have any plans for that?"
"What, when do I ever?" Bane said, and it was barely out of his mouth before his stomach clenched. Oh. But this year was different. He felt like his face was getting hot so he turned to look intently at his magazine, only to find it closed. He slid the cover back with such a rough movement that it folded back on itself and left a crease down the centre.
"Alright, so you'll be home, then," Dad said, and Bane gritted his teeth and glanced up at him. "Truth is…" but Dad paused. He pushed his hair back and revealed more of his forehead than perhaps he wanted.
"What?" Bane said. He felt like his body shook as his heart throbbed. Well, what? They hadn't made any plans --not yet, anyway, or-- not that Bane knew about.
"Um… well," Dad took in a deep breath. His face was uneasy, "Ugh, this is tough to say," he said.
Bane's eyes opened wide. Dad couldn't know. He couldn't, they were… careful. And even then it's not like they'd-- "Spit it out!" Bane said, harsher than he wanted to sound.
"Alright, geez. Truth is, Haru, this year -- if it's okay with you, I mean, your birthday so it's your choice -- this year your grandpa said he'd really like to visit." There was a heavy pause. "For your birthday. I-if it's okay with you."
"What." Bane noticed his heart hadn't stopped thumping, but now it was pushing out angry adrenaline. "Why would he care about my birthday?"
"Haru, of course he cares!"
"As if. I mean, since when did he even give a shit that I was born!" Bane tried to control his temper, but he spat out every word and he felt the air changing in the weight of his shoulders.
"Don't be like that, Haru, he's always cared about you--" Bane interrupted him with a grunt "--it's just that my old man has never been that good with, with -- look, can't you give him a chance?" Bane was unmoved. "He's your grandpa."
"He's Aki's grandpa," Bane said, through his teeth.
Dad was silent. Then, he sighed. "Alright. I said it was your choice and I mean that, kid. Ya don't gotta see him if you're that against it. But don't you think cutting him off and acting like he don't exist is sinking to his level?" Bane wouldn't look at his dad, but he was quiet, considering. "Dontcha wanna be the bigger man?"
"If I say yes… If I let your old man visit," Bane had clenched his fist and was speaking into his knuckle, "can I at least invite Hikaru over as well?"
His dad laughed at that, and Bane looked at him sharply. "What? No, I mean, of course? I kinda assumed you'd invite him already, it was weird to hear you say it like some big request."
"Well, that's my one condition!" Bane said, crossing his arms and straightening his back against the arm of the sofa. "The old fart can do whatever he wants, but I want Hikaru here with me," it started as a declaration, but he felt himself overheating as he heard himself speak, until he closed his mouth around those last few words and they became a mumble. He felt sweat tingling at his back, and he eyed his dad cautiously, but his dad waved a hand at him.
"Alright, I hear ya, and it'd be a bargain at twice the price -- your grandpa's gonna be so pleased, this'll mean so much to him, Haru, it really will!" Dad grinned, and pushed himself out of the armchair in a little energetic hop. He strode over to the couch and clapped Bane on the shoulder. "You're a good kid, and now the old man's gonna see it, too! I'm gonna go call him before you change your mind!"
He hadn't changed his mind. They were sitting on the edge of their battered old beach hut, just about shoulder-to-shoulder with the twilight falling down around them and the chill prickling at the hairs on his arms, and his birthday was this week, and he hadn't changed his mind. He sighed, loud enough that he knew Davide would turn to watch him frowning out at the sea and wordlessly ask him. So he said, "I don't friggin want that old bastard anywhere near me!" Bane watched himself clench his fist, "I REALLY don't want 'im to visit, 'specially not on my own damn birthday! It's MY day, why can't I just do what I want?"
Davide lifted his hand, paused, scanned the beach, and then he slowly brought it to Bane's cheek. His fingers were so cold against Bane's burning face, and his eyes were so earnest. Bane's mouth twitched. No, he was angry, outraged, this wasn't going to-- "What would you do? If you could do whatever you wanted?" Bane opened his mouth to answer, and Davide looked at Bane through his eyelashes. Oh. Bane tried to find any answer at all he didn't think Davide had put in his head with that one goddamn look, but there wasn't one, so he breathed out a single sharp laugh and closed his mouth again. Davide turned his face out towards the sea, but Bane was certain he was grinning to himself.
"I'm serious, though, Davi. I don't get why I have to have my birthday ruined by some skeleton I don't even know!" Davide stroked Bane's forearm. "I'm glad you're gonna be there but it's not exactly-- I just feel like he gets to ruin your day as well!" Bane growled and whacked his fist against his knee.
"Come here," Davide said. He put his arms around Bane's shoulders and brought him down, until Bane's head was resting on his lap. Bane looked up at Davide, and Davide was looking back at him, half-closed eyes and passive mouth looking softer than usual, somehow. Davide put his hand through Bane's hair, letting his fingers close around the curls and then releasing them again.
"What're you trying to do, look down my nose?" Bane said, grinning up at him.
"Something like that," Davide said, "who nose?" And he quickly brought his hand up to cover his lips. Bane reached up and pinched Davide's nose. He stopped laughing. "Let by dose go," he said, gravely. Bane laughed at him, and Davide's hand swooped in, turning Bane's laugh into goose honks.
"Hey! Let go of be!" Bane said, using his free hand to slap at the one Davide was using to hold his nostrils closed.
"You first!" Davide said, and Bane yanked him forward by the nose, forcing him to bend forward. "Okay, okay, coudt of three! One, do, three!" They released each other, each rubbing at their faces and taking in air through their noses.
"You sounded stupid," Bane said, cackling again.
"Do you feel better now?" Davide said.
"Now you're not crushing my nostrils, yeah!"
Davide chuckled at him and messed with his hair. "I meant about your birthday."
Bane's smile faded, and he shifted his head so that he could watch the sun setting over the sea. "I just wish we could go somewhere together instead," his voice was a hush beneath the mewing seagulls, "y'know, just us." The waves crashed and Davide snapped up Bane's hand and pressed it against his lips. Bane turned back to him with a puzzled smirk, "what're you supposed to be, some storybook prince?"
"I'm the king, Tama is the prince -- not to give myself heirs," Bane frowned as he grasped what Davide was trying to do with his gag. Davide kissed the back of Bane's hand again, "and this is the hand to the throne, and these," he said, straightening Bane's fingers and kissing the tips one by one, "are finger prince."
Bane narrowed his eyes, "finger prince," he said with disgust, but he laughed all the same. The sun was low enough that the whole beach hut was deep in a cold shade. "Man, we should be getting home," Bane said, sitting up and smoothing the creases from his clothes.
"Let's go," Davide said. Bane began to rise, but Davide caught his wrist and pulled him back. "Let's go. Somewhere for just us."
"Yeah," Bane said with a wistful voice. "That'd be great. We could--" he stopped himself, "we could do whatever we wanted." Davide's hand slid down from Bane's wrist to his hand.
"I'd really go with you," he said, and Bane nodded. "Wherever."
"Well, ya got a choice, but it's not anything mind-blowing," Bane stood up, and their joined hands brought Davide up to his height, "Your place or mine, yer majesty?" They stepped out of the shade of the beach hut, and Bane looked around for passers-by.
"My place. Wait!" Bane turned to face him, eyebrows raised. "My PALACE! Pfft!"
"You can barely even call that a pun!" Bane said, letting go of Davide's hand to strike his face. But, separated anyway, they took to rolling down the old battered shutters of the hut. They were rusty and rotten, and when they gave out, there'd be nothing to save their special place from the sea. Bane secured the shutter with one last appreciative pat.
Their beach hut looked no less sturdy when they jogged past it on the way home after practise. Bane slowed his steps in front of it and Davide pulled to a halt beside him, looking from Bane to the hut and back again, and throwing a questioning look. Bane had woken up to that look. His phone buzzed beneath the pillow, and as he scrambled for it, half-asleep, he remembered he was in Davide's bed with Davide's arms still draped about him. "Dad? Yeah? …Okay. See ya after school," was all he'd said into the phone, and as he cut the call, Davide sat up and frowned at him. "Seems like my dad's old man'll be at my place before we get back from school." Davide nodded, yawning with his mouth open. "What time is it? Better get in the futon before--" But Davide put his hands on either side of Bane's face and pulled him closer.
"Bane-san," Davide said, "did you want to stop at the beach hut?" He narrowed his eyes as he spoke, stressing the words. Oh, right. A jogger kicked up sand as they went past. Bane cleared his throat.
"It's alright, I just, we should get going," he raised his arm slightly, encouraging Davide to walk under it, and then clapped his hand on Davide's shoulder. He leaned in close to Davide's ear, "actually I was still thinking about this morning," he said.
Davide stopped and pointed his thumb over his shoulder, "that's why, we can stop first, like I said?"
"Nah, better bite the bullet. 'sides, we got all night," Bane said, and even as he felt the meaning of his words, it made him tense. Davide said nothing. In the morning, in the bed sheets, Davide's mouth was hot and expressive, but there were alarms and breakfast cooking, and his Mama's wake-up call. Now the beach wasn't empty and their restless hands knocked together as they walked, and every time Bane felt it: you don't dare, you don't got the stones.
At the corner of Bane's street, they straightened their backs and stood apart. Bane pushed the door open and saw the extra pair of shoes in the hall. "We're here!" he called, and his mom dashed out of the living room to greet them.
"Haru! Hikaru, how are you? Haru, grandpa's here!" she said. Her voice was excited and Bane scowled at her. "Don't gimme that teenage strop today, Haru," she said in an agitated whisper, "your grandpa's really a sweet man, don't you--"
"Oh, Harukaze, you're here! It's been a long time. Are you well?" Bane's grandfather stood a robust, full height in the living room doorway. His hair was thin and white, and his face was marked and stubbly, but compared to Bane's mental image of Ojii, he considered that his grandfather looked quite young. Grandfather had a pleasant smile on his face, the kind that brought out his wrinkles, but Bane didn't bother to return the favour.
"I guess," he said. He turned to Davide, "Let's go to my room, yeah?" and then moved for the stairs.
"Haru!" His mother put her arm out and caught him by the shoulder, "at least let Hikaru take his shoes off before disappearing!"
"Goodness, is this Hikaru-kun?" Grandfather sounded amused and the chuckle in his voice boiled Bane's blood. He narrowed his eyes and looked his grandfather square in the eye.
"So? Don't act like you know anything about him!" Bane heard his mother sigh and slap her forehead.
Grandfather frowned, and he shifted on his feet, almost drooping. "Well, no, I suppose I can't say that I know you," he turned to Davide, who had the eyes of a startled deer to be addressed so suddenly, "but if I remember right, we did meet once. I don't suppose either of you remember." Bane squinted at him, suspicious. "Oh, why don't we sit down and catch up! I'll tell you all about it, and your mother could make us some tea -- you don't mind, do you, Hanako-san?"
Bane pulled his cheeks back and waited for his mom to click her tongue and say that any one of them there was just as capable of boiling the kettle as she was. "Absolutely!" she said, with a bright chirp. Bane gaped at her. "What? Go sit down!" She shoved him in the direction of the living room and skipped off with no appearance of being offended whatsoever.
They followed Grandfather into the living room, Bane dragging his feet, and as Davide caught up to him, Bane whispered, "I don't know who she is but she can't be MY mom," and Davide frowned and gave him a sympathetic pat. Seeing that they'd entered, Grandfather smiled at them and sank into the battered armchair, and Bane pushed Davide's shoulder-blades, encouraging him to take the side of the couch closest to Grandfather. Bane sat, careful to spread his arms and legs, so he jabbed Davide with his knee and his hand dangled over the side of the armrest. He fixed his eyes on their ugly-ass lampshade, as it stood on the opposite wall and in the opposite direction to where his grandfather had decided to sit, and made up his mind not to turn his head until he could leave. And he sighed so his chest heaved, and he felt Davide watching him and probably worrying, and even so he didn't move.
"So, tomorrow you'll be 15 already, Harukaze! Time flies, doesn't it?" It was easy enough for Bane to ignore that. There was a pause, then Grandfather said, "And how old are you, Hikaru-kun? Are you 15, too?"
"No, um. I'm 13." Davide's voice was quiet, but Bane grit his teeth to hear Davide entertaining the old bastard. "M-my birthday's November, so…"
"So you're younger! You wouldn't know it to look at you, I might even say you seem older than Harukaze," Bane scoffed at that, without turning around. Grandfather chuckled, "there's my point made for me."
Bane exhaled hard through his nose, he clenched his fists, but he didn't turn around. And he heard Davide say, "Haru-chan looks after everyone at school, like a b-big brother, and he always has advice and he helps them. Me especially." Bane frowned, why tell him that? Why bother? The room was quiet afterwards and suddenly Bane was fighting himself not to turn and look at Davide.
"Is that right? I see," Grandfather spoke in a soft, apologetic way, "I won't have any luck trying to poke fun at Harukaze while you're here. Sounds like you still look out for each other," Bane heard movement from the armchair, "you made a good show of defending Hikaru-kun back then, too, Harukaze."
Bane's mom bustled in, carrying a tray with the teacups on it. As she entered she tisked at Bane, slapping him lightly on the shin so that he'd straighten his posture. She placed the tray of cups on the little table in front of the TV, taking each teacup off and placing it approximately in front of each person. She placed three in a line in front of the couch, and then she turned to Bane. "Budge up!" she said, waving him towards Davide, and once he'd (reluctantly) moved over, she sat down beside him. "So are you boys getting along? What were you saying?" She smiled from one to another of them, and Bane scratched his neck and tried not to catch her eye.
"I was just going to tell Harukaze about the first time we met," Grandfather said, reaching forward for his teacup and tilting it towards Mom in thanks.
"Gosh, he's my kid and everything but it always sounds so weird to hear people call him 'Harukaze'! You really don't need to be so formal, everyone--"
"Mom," Bane said, with warning in his voice.
She turned her face to him in a sharp movement, "Don't 'mom' me!" she said, and then her eyes widened as she caught herself and gave an awkward laugh. "But Haru, you always say how much you hate being called 'Harukaze'!"
"Not always!" he muttered. He hung his head and stared down at his knees. He felt Davide shift beside him, so their legs pressed against each other. A small gesture, but enough to say, I'm here. And he thought about a parallel universe-him who decided to stay back at their beach hut, a version of himself that found comfort in the dark and the stripes of sunlight bleeding in through the cracks in the shutters. The version of himself who knew what to do, where to touch, to kiss, the him that got to see himself reflected in Davide's eyes, powerful and confident. But his head was hot and pounding, and if he didn't know better, he might have thought himself close to tears. Except he wouldn't cry, and even if he ever did cry, it wouldn't be for an asshole like his dad's old man.
"It's alright, Hanako-san. I decided I should call him 'Harukaze' unless he tells me otherwise, and so far, he hasn't." The window directly behind Grandfather's seat showed his shadow over the table, and as it moved, Bane knew his grandfather was leaning forward, probably trying to get a look at his face.
"Alright," she said, "you may not know this… uh, d-dad," the familiar term shook out uncomfortably, "but I'm the one who started calling this one 'Haru'." Mom laid a firm pat on Bane's knee. "Of course it was Natsuki who came up with 'Harukaze', I really didn't have much of a choice! So to me, he's 'Haru'." She sighed in a triumphant way, and Bane said nothing. They spoke like he wasn't there, so maybe he wasn't. And Davide was not there, with him. He raised his head, straightened his back. He looked out of the corner of his eye at Davide, and his heart skipped when he saw Davide was doing the same. It was enough to force a smile out of him.
"Don’t tell me, Harukaze's name has something to do with," Grandfather moved his hands in a dismissive wave, "that… rock n' roll… business?" Bane could see for the first time the disgusted face his grandfather was making.
"Well, that's about the size of it," his mom said, but she spoke so each word was crisp against the quiet of the house. Her mouth formed a smile that was more about finality than it was about good humour, but it seemed to pass for both, because Grandfather continued,
"I know we've had our differences, Hanako-san, but I must admit I've always been thankful you never encouraged Natsuki's… little… hobby," Bane's mom crossed her arms and opened her mouth to interject, but Grandfather carried on, "really, I always thought he was throwing away his future with all that--"
The front door opened, and a rush of the outside air and its traffic and seagull cries flooded in. And then two voices, "Heyyyooo!" The door closed, and the house was sealed off again and quiet, but for the rustling in the entrance hall. "Hey, full house!" Bane's dad called, "it's a full house, Aki!" and Bane heard his brother squeak with excitement. "Alright, alright, shoes off firs-- wait! Hold your horses!" Aki made a neighing sound, and Bane smiled and turned towards the doorway. "Okay, off you get!" and little footsteps pounded towards them.
Bane shifted off the couch and spread his arms out so he was at Aki's height. "Big man!! Welcome home!!" he said, and Aki giggled at him… before stopping still and gasping.
"GRANDPA!!" He said, running around Bane, past the table, and up to Grandfather's knee. Bane grit his teeth, closed his hands, dropped himself back onto the couch and crossed his arms. Davide shot him a look, and Bane shook his head and shrugged. Aki sat on Grandfather's lap, giggling and cooing at him, and not knowing any better. Like a little kid should. But it was still a knife in Bane's heart to have to watch it.
The door frame creaked as Bane's dad leant against it, smiling as he watched grandparent and grandchild bonding. And when Grandfather finally looked back at the room, Dad said, "Hey old timer, how are ya? Was the trip out alright?"
"I didn't have too much trouble with the train. Despite how this one," he bounced Aki on his knee, "makes me look, I don't need the silver seat just yet."
Dad laughed, "Alright, no offence, but you'll always be an old timer to me. Still, I'm glad you got here safely." Somehow the silence after that felt awkward. Dad bent towards one of the teacups on the table, but Mom slapped the back of his hand before he could reach it and he retracted it. "Say old man, how's, um… how's mom doing?" Grandma. Bane couldn't remember her face, if he'd ever seen it. He did remember her handwriting in birthday cards, and those small gifts that always seemed mysterious and wonderful because, after all, she'd wanted him to have them. He put them in his room on his shelves next to his things, and they looked out of place, like they were addressed to a very different Harukaze who didn't exist. But her cards always asked if he was well, and she knew year-on-year he wouldn't answer, but all the same they asked, and all the same he found his heart warm to the idea of her.
"Your mother is very well! She wanted to come with me, actually," Grandfather's eyes slid to Bane and back, "but we didn't want to push it, you see."
"Right…" Bane's Dad nodded, but he sounded disappointed. "Well, tell her 'Hi' from me?"
"Sure. Hopefully next time we can both visit," and Bane scoffed, so Grandfather turned to him. "We're still scarred from the last time we both came here -- it was the first time we'd ever met you, Haru, I was trying to tell you about it, before -- you really gave us a piece of your mind," Grandfather had a chuckle in his voice, and he smiled down at Aki as he spoke, "You can't have been much older than Aki is now, but as soon as we came to the gate, oh no, you wouldn't have it! You put your arms right out, saying you'd never let us pass." Bane had a sinking feeling in his gut. "At first I was thinking, is this how my boy has raised his son without me to guide him? Is he going to grow up into some kind of hooligan? But you were yelling, I'll never let you hurt Hikaru!, and really giving us what for," Yep, there it was. Bane grimaced, his face felt tight and his forehead felt damp under his fringe. "And this little boy ran up from nowhere and clung to your shirt, hiding, you know -- that was you, wasn't it, Hikaru-kun?" Davide nodded, and Bane shot him a look.
"They were always like that, those two," Bane's Dad was laughing with a hand resting on his stomach, "like from the time they became friends -- I found 'em in the park--" Grandfather cleared his throat, "Oh but, let's let the old man finish his story first," he added in a small voice.
His reward was a curt, "Thank you, Natsuki. Now, where was I? Oh yes," and Bane shivered at the glint in Grandfather's eye, "so we said, is that you, Harukaze? And we said, we just came to see your mommy and daddy, and you started yelling that you'd protect your mommy and daddy, too! It was really funny, you were so serious!" There was a hand on Bane's shoulder, it squeezed, and when he turned his mom was smiling at him. "That's when Hanako-san rushed out, and she started yelling at me telling me to get away from the kids, and I thought, ahh so that's where it comes from!" Grandfather was chuckling away at himself and Bane could hear his mom grumbling under her breath. "We'd only met briefly before then, hadn't we?" He didn't let her answer, "No, my fault of course, dear, you weren't to know, but it really was terribly funny!"
The only one sharing the joke was Aki, but then, he had no way of following the conversation, so he didn't really share it after all. Beneath Aki's delighted shrieks, and Grandfather's belly-laughs, Dad hummed and Mom muttered, and Davide made no sound at all. Calm and quiet settled on them all and left the room awkward. Dad tried again to take Mom's teacup, and had his knuckles slapped again. "What? You could've made me some, too!" Dad said, shaking his sore fingers.
"When do I ever make YOU tea?" Mom said, leaning back into the sofa and crossing her arms, "make your own tea! You're more than capable!" And Bane smiled, relieved his mom hadn't been replaced by a shape-shifter. Dad gave a whine, pushed his lips out in a pout, but he moved to leave the room.
"Natsuki, you can't let her talk to you like that!" Grandfather said, raising his voice to drown out Mom's disgusted reply, "Don't be a pushover! She's your wife, why shouldn't she get you tea?"
"Woah, calm down," Dad said, thrusting out a palm in the direction of both Mom and Grandfather, "we're just joking around, old man, you don't need to get upset!" But Bane could feel his mom seething beside him.
"Sure, um. We'll get the tea, won't we, Davide?" Bane got to his feet in one quick motion, and he closed his hand around Davide's wrist and pulled him to his feet.
"DAVIDE!!" Aki clapped his little hands together, and Bane spun round without letting go of Davide's arm, and bent forward towards Aki.
"Davide!!" Bane said in a dramatic hush that made Aki giggle, and Davide spluttered a laugh for his part, too.
"I've been meaning to ask," Dad said, latching on to a change of subject, "why do ya call 'im that?" Bane turned to his dad, raising his eyebrows. "Why do you call 'im 'Davide'?"
Bane's free hand rushed to the back of his neck, and the blood rushed to his face, and the memory rushed to his mind. Davide's soft white skin, and the after school sunlight marking out the grooves and the muscles of his chest. Little smooth ridges, the pattern of his ribs, and the strong hip bone disappearing into uniform trousers. That early-April sea surged over Bane's bare feet and made him shiver, and the something else that surged over him then, surged in him now when he thought about it, and he laughed with a shiver, teeth nearly chattering. "Just an in-joke," Bane said, shrugging and smiling sheepish.
"Well, I got that, genius," Dad said, "but what does it MEAN?"
"'sa secret," Bane said, looking at the floor and grinning, but he gripped Davide's wrist all the harder.
"It's not somethin' dirty is it, kid? If it is I don’t want Aki saying it!" But there was no moral outrage in Dad's voice. He had a challenging smirk on his face.
"'course not! Everyone calls 'im it, even Kentaroh!" they just didn't know it was dirty. Well, it was dirty to Bane.
"So if I ask Kentaroh what it means, he'll tell me, will he?"
"I dunno, man, I'm not Kentaroh!" Bane strode out of the room, pulling Davide along behind him, and he heard his dad laughing, Keepin' secrets! They grow up so fast!
Their steps thundered and creaked over the floorboards of the hall, and they collided with the kitchen door, unsticking it from the doorframe so fast Bane had to catch the dining table to stop them from falling into a heap together. They straightened out and laughed at each other, Bane leaning his back against the table, and tilting his head over so he could see the ceiling light, trying to catch his breath. Davide stood a few paces in front of him, chest heaving, and Bane grinned. "Thank God!" he said, nudging his head in the vague direction of the living room, and Davide laughed knowingly. "It's like, Welcome to the party!" he said, each word flatter than the last. He sighed, and Davide's little smile faded. "I'm just sorry ya gotta be here for the," he waved a hand in the air, searching for a good word, "the great all-Kurobane smackdown, sure as hell don't think any of us would be here if we had a choice."
"Bane-san," Davide said, and he took three slow steps forward. He positioned himself, feet apart, just in front of Bane's body, and he leaned towards him, placing a hand over Bane's, gripping the edge of the table. Davide placed his other hand on Bane's hip, and pushed forwards so their knees and thighs brushed together. Bane looked at him under his eyelashes, unable to stop himself from smirking. "I wanna be here. With you," and Davide brought his head forward and the loose piece of his fringe tickled Bane's nose.
"Davi, everyone's here," Bane could feel the heat of his own whisper in the closeness of Davide's face, "any minute, they could," but even as he knew what he was saying, he put his hand on Davide's cheek and pulled him closer. He could feel Davide's breath, his eyelashes tickling his cheek as he blinked, and Davide's lips trembled close to his, preparing, lingering, savouring--
Footsteps, and Bane pushed Davide away from him. He covered his mouth with his knuckles, and Davide wasted no time in turning to the kettle and filling it. Bane was still breathing heavy when Dad sauntered in, then stopped short in the doorway. "Oh, you okay, kid? Weren't cryin' were ya?"
"What! No!" Bane said, heat rising within him.
"Alright, okay, s'just that your face is really red is all, like maybe you were crying," Dad frowned at Bane, and then, when Davide crossed his field of vision with a tray of teacups, he frowned at Davide. "Hikaru! Don't tell me Haru made YOU make the tea? He's a guest here, too," he said, narrowing his eyes at Bane and pointing to Davide.
"It's okay," Davide said, casually. Bane watched his face. He was calm, almost as if nothing had happened, but Bane could see a flush of red high on Davide's cheekbones, and the harder he stared, the deeper the colour got.
"Anyway," Dad clapped his hands together, "I'm just passin' through. Ya won't believe this, Haru, your mom got so mad at my old man that she's lettin' me play!" He was beaming. "I'm just gettin' my guitar from the shed, you guys go get ready to have your faces melted off!"
"Seriously?" Bane said, "what happened? What did the old man say? But seriously, you're gonna play, that's awesome!"
"I know, right?? But c'mon, you better get back in there before your mom strangles him, sooner we change that subject the better!" He darted out of the back door, and when Bane and Davide approached the living room, Davide carefully holding the tea tray so as not to spill anything, they could hear hushed, fierce words.
"I'm sorry, but you're the last person I need to defend my choices to!" It was Bane's mom, "if anything, you're the one--" but as they reached the door, the floor creaked, and Mom and Grandfather turned their heads quickly to see who was entering. "Oh, Haru! Hikaru, thanks a lot for the tea," she said, brightly. She stood up and took the tray from Davide, and brought it back over to the table. "Dad, would you like another cup of tea?" her voice was all smiles, and Grandfather smiled back at her graciously as he took one.
Bane exchanged looks with Davide. Then he noticed his brother, sitting on the floor and bashing away at a toy xylophone. "Oh, what're ya playin', big man?" Bane said, crouching to get a better look.
"Drum!" Aki said, and Bane chuckled at him.
"You're playing the drums? That's not a drum, big man," but Aki didn't seem to care, sounding notes in tuneless order.
"Didn'tcha hear?" Dad struggled into the room, guitar slung around his neck, an amp in his left hand and the mic stand in his right, "Aki's gonna be my percussion for this set!" He dumped the gear on the floor with a grunt and started fiddling with the settings.
"Set? I said one song, Natsuki!" Mom said, leaning forward in her seat. "You brought the amp? You wanna get chewed out by the neighbours? Go put it back!"
"It's before 11!" Dad said, shrugging at her. "But as for this baby," he said, patting the top surface of the amp.
"Oh I swear to God if you make some kind of joke about 'turning up to 11' --!" Mom slammed her fist into her open palm, and the smack of her skin was satisfyingly loud. Bane held his side as he laughed, and when he turned to catch Davide's look, he felt his heart clench, and it thudded, overflowing with warmth. Bane stood up, putting an arm out around Davide's shoulder, and walked with him to the couch. He let his arm rest there as they sat, and continued to watch his parents bicker as his dad tuned up for his performance. Maybe his birthday wouldn't be a total washout, and his face ached from the grin he couldn't seem to lose. But the hairs on the back of his neck prickled, and when he turned, he saw his Grandfather watching him. In a quick jerky movement, Bane pulled his arm away from Davide and crossed it over his lap. Oh, now he'd lost his grin, thanks, old fart.
"Right!" Dad said, and the first strum of guitar was quiet enough that every hand in the room rushed to plug its nearest ear, and Aki gave a frightened wail. "Sorry!" Dad flicked a few switches, then he tapped the top of the mic, "How's that," he said, trying the strings again, this time getting nods and thumbs up from everyone but Grandfather. "Alright, Chiba! Welcome to the carnival!" He bled out a needlessly over-the-top roar with his guitar, changing his hold on it with flicks of his wrists and sometimes missing, throwing a few dull notes into the mix. He screwed up his face, bearing his teeth hamster-like, and banging his head. Then he stopped and stood straight. "That's my signature intro," he said.
Bane was doubled over and gasping for air, and his mom said, "Bull!! It's different every time, you card!"
"You remember!" Dad said, with a voice full of love, and she waved a dismissive hand at him. "So, what should I play, maybe--"
Mom sat up straight, pointing a finger out at him. "Natsuki, not that one!" He made a face and gestured to the room. "I'm warning you. No."
"It would be appropriate!" he said, dropping his hands in front of him to stress his point.
"No, it wouldn't. Anything else, I mean it!" Bane leaned forward on the couch, turning so he would be in his mom's field of vision. "Don't look at me like that, Haru! Don't encourage him!"
Dad considered, and then he shook his head. "Nah, sorry kiddo, it's not worth the whooping I'll get." He picked up his guitar, and steadied it. "Maybe when you're older."
"And a good thing, too!" Grandfather spoke up, his voice crackling. "It's bad enough you're filling the children's ears with this drivel, you can leave out the lewd stuff." Dad didn't look up from fiddling with his guitar, but he laughed quietly.
"Er, it's not lewd," he said, into the mic, and bobbing back away from it as he paused to laugh, "it's just that my old lady's too shy to relive a special moment that we shared 15 years ag--"
"Natsuki!" Mom rolled back her sleeve and Dad cowered. She huffed, rolling her neck, "way to make it sound dirty, genius," she muttered.
"Anyway, here's a totally unoriginal song that holds no special meaning to us whatsoever," Dad said, and then he launched into it. The intro built, and when the lyrics kicked in, Bane's ears were lost for a second. The only word he heard for certain was the word "Chiba", that fell a bit awkwardly among the other ones Bane heard but failed to grasp. He was struck by his dad's voice, and his chest swelled, because every time he was struck with it, how good he was, how clear he sounded, and he remembered distantly, being a little kid and his dad singing rock songs in English to him instead of lullabies… Wait, English! The hook geared up, and the rhythm of the lines built up on one another, and even though he had no idea what the words were, Bane felt the song and he felt like he wanted to be singing it, too. Then he caught two words as the chorus ended, "Love," and "Music", and it was a wave crashing over him. He grinned, his face was flushed, and he started to clap and stamp out the beats of the song as the next verse began. Beside him, his Mom took up the beat with him, and at his elbow, he saw Davide's hands opening, then closing together with a timid quietness. Still, he was trying. Grandfather was rigid in his chair, staring with narrowed eyes at his son.
When Dad got to the end of the second chorus, he covered the strings with his fingers to silence them, and said, "Aki! Drum solo!" and in the sudden quiet, plinky-plonky xylophone notes and thrilled giggles filled the room. Bane and Davide cheered, Mom laughed, and Grandfather stared at Dad. Then a few more energetic strums of the guitar, Dad holding his pick aloft after the last one and letting the strings sing out the vibration in one long, last whine, and the show closed to enthusiastic applause and wild xylophone noises. The loudest clap started the latest, slow and tough, but speeding up, and Grandfather with a stern face nevertheless nodded to Dad, who beamed and said "Thank you!" into the mic.
"Right, it's about time we all had something to eat, I think!" Mom stood up and with a brisk movement, switched the mic off. Dad made a noise of complaint, gesturing at her, and giving Bane an appalled look. "Haru, why don't you-- oh my gosh, you boys are still in your uniform! Go change before dinner!" She pushed him in the direction of the stairs.
"Eh? Mom, what's the point?" Bane looked over his shoulder at her, but caught Davide's look instead. They undress in front of each other every day, but still, he felt tense.
"Seriously? You don't remember the time you boys decided to have a slappy fight with hamburgers? Mustard and ketchup aren't that easy to get out of a uniform on a school night!" Mom put her hand over her face, "Cherie-san was so disappointed in me, too…"
Bane frowned, "But that wasn't your fault!" He turned, and jabbed an angry finger out at Davide and then poked his thumb back into his own chest, "we were the ones who were--"
"Yeah, but, we're the adults of the house, Haru, we should…" she sighed, "anyway! Get upstairs, get changed, don't make it look like you dragged Hikaru through a ditch backwards, and everything will be fine!" She waved a hand at him. "Go on. Get gone." He dropped his shoulders and sighed as loud as he could, then stamped heavy feet on the stairs. "Never know he's 15, would ya," she laughed, and Bane had to straighten his back after that.
He let Davide close the door behind them. Then, when Davide turned, a nervous air filled Bane's lungs and he held his breath and watched. But Davide didn't hesitate. His hand was cold on the small of Bane's back, cold on the side of Bane's face, but growing warmer with it, and his eyes shimmered and his soft lips barely moved when he said, "Um, in the kitchen, I…" Bane bit off his sentence, and he hummed inside Bane's mouth. That hum rolled its way into a low moan, an exhale, and with a wet smack they slipped away from each other. They were braced against each other, nose-to-nose and forehead-to-forehead, and their eyes still had to find the power to look into one another, but when they did, they had to join again. They joined -- and separated, over and over, just so they could go back and try it again, one last time, but every one last time was a little less clumsy, less pushed and less pressed and more flowing into a movement together, and Bane's hands reached around Davide's hips and brought his body up against him, and Bane felt uneasily like he didn't want to stop.
Davide pushed for them to move to the bed, and Bane frowned and dug in his heels. The sudden resistance knocked Davide's balance, and he pushed Bane backwards onto the bed and tumbled on top of him. Davide dusted himself off with a soft, awkward frown, propping himself up with his hands sinking into the mattress on either side of Bane's waist. His hair had fallen into his face, and Bane's stomach tensed, but he felt sorry for Davide, and with a caring hand, stroked the hair aside. They kissed again, and Bane felt his body responding to the feeling of Davide on top of him. Davide shifted his weight onto his knees, straddling Bane's leg, and slipped a finger down the opening of his shirt, letting the force of his hand prise apart the buttons. And Bane raised his own hand and put it in between his and Davide's lips, pushing Davide's face away.
"Can I ask you a question?" Bane said quickly, too fast for Davide's startled, hurt expression to really sink in.
"'Course?" Davide said. He gripped the bedframe with both of his hands and straightened his shoulders, tossing his head backwards, maybe trying to look aloof.
"Do your parents think my folks are… irresponsible?"
Davide stared. "That's… not the question I was expecting you to ask," he said. Bane glanced away. Davide got to his feet, and turned his back to Bane, but the points of his elbows told Bane he was unfastening his shirt. "Mama once said, Hanako-san is like soeu… sister, like a little sister she never had. So, no. I think Mama and Papa love them, like we are a big, big family."
Bane was frowning and smiling at the same time. "Did you forget the word for sister?" He said, and regretted his tone when Davide peeked over his shoulder with a bright red face and watering eyes. "Aw, sorry, dude, I didn't mean…" Davide turned back away from him. "But, thanks, Davi," Bane sat forward on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. He reached out with his fingers and grazed the ridges of Davide's spine just as Davide had let his shirt drop to the floor. "I needed to hear that, about my folks. My dad's old man--" He heard Davide sniff loudly, and his head bowed to his hand for a moment, but then he turned around, and Bane's face burned up to see that paleness, blotches of red here and there on his neck and over his cheekbones. Davide's eyes were red, but they were dry, and the tremble about his lips and his shoulders touched a tender spot with Bane, and his train of thought took off without him. "Come here," he said, in a breath, and Davide wrung his hands and sat down beside Bane.
And Bane fidgeted, too, and there was sweat on his forehead, and he cursed under his breath and pulled Davide to him. His mouth was on Davide's neck, his nose in Davide's hair, and together they shook with the heat of each other. Bane's mind cleared, calmed by Davide's closeness, and he remembered what he was going to say. My dad's old man wishes I were never born! But with Davide in his arms it was a stupid thing to say, to even think. He could feel Davide's heartbeat, and Davide's fists were clenched around the corners of Bane's shirt, he protected Hikaru they day he met his grandfather, and to this day--
Bane pulled back just enough to look at Davide's face. "Are you okay?"
Davide didn't look at him. "Do you want your birthday present?"
"My birthday's tomorrow."
"That's not what I asked," Davide said. His face was an inch away from Bane's, and the thunder of Bane's blood pounded in his ears. He knew what Davide asked, but then, that wasn't his question. He knew what he said 'Yes' to, he knew, but even so, when Davide kissed him and opened his shirt, his mind raced. He'd spent so long imagining being where he was, and now he was, he didn't know how to act. He held Davide's face, tried to kiss him, tried to be kissed, but in his head he thought: that isn't what you asked.
Footsteps outside, and then an older voice, "Natsuki? Can I have a word?" and Davide bit his lip. Sweat all over the both of them, red faces, stinging eyes, trembling lips stifling their breaths.
"Just a second, old timer, lemme call the boys down for dinner," just outside the door. Bane and Davide clung together, shirtless, messed up faces, and worse, worse--
"Please hear me out… son?" A pause. A creak in that floorboard just under Bane's door, and the tension shifted. Davide pulled himself away, looking for a towel in his bag, and body spray, and clothes to change into. And Bane caught his breath and followed. "About your little… performance…"
"Oh, dad, that was just, y'know," Bane's dad laughed, and Bane knew he was ashamed. And wasn't there shame in his own heart, and on Davide's face. Davide checked his face in his mirror, then he checked his hair. Bane's stomach hurt as he watched.
"No, don't. Natsuki, that was the first time I've ever heard you sing like that. I know, it's my own stubborn fault, I never wanted to hear you sing," And Davide turned back to Bane. They watched each other. Bane held his hands out and Davide took them, letting them drop loosely between them. They watched their feet. "But, son, now that I have, you're really talented, you know that? And I am, I'm so proud of you."
"Aw, dad, I'll cry!" Bane's Dad kept laughing, but there was a strange tremble in his voice. Bane tugged on Davide's hands and pulled him forward, taking him up around the waist. Bane's lips close to Davide's ear, and he whispered to him.
"Natsuki, I don't just mean the music. You know, right? You know I really am, very proud." Outside the door, another pair of arms closed around another set of shoulders, and inside, Davide's face softened, his eyes glistened, and Bane grinned at him. Bane placed a silent kiss on Davide's nose, and the corners of Davide's mouth twitched.
The door swung open, and Dad walked in with his arm loosely gripping Grandfather's shoulder. They were beaming. "Boys, dinner's up!" Dad said, and then a puzzled frown started to settle over his face, "You guys are being pretty quiet, what're ya hiding?"
"Hiding? Us?" Bane bit his lip and grinned. He and Davide sat on the bed, side by side, the squaring of their shoulders hiding that their hands were folded over one another between them.
"Really? Then what? Were you listening to our man to man talk, huh, kid?" Dad gestured to Grandfather with his thumb.
"Maybe." Bane glanced at Davide from the corner of his eye. "I dunno, maybe not."
Dad narrowed his eyes, "you're totally hiding somethin'! C'mon, you can tell me!"
Bane laughed and gripped Davide's fingers, "I can't! It's a secret!"
"What kind of secret can't you tell a bunch of old timers like us?" Grandfather said. Bane smiled at him.
"Sorry… Pops, can't say. It's," he looked at Davide, and Davide looked back at him, "it's about Hikaru's birthday present to me, it's a secret."
"Really? What is it?" Dad said, suddenly interested, "can I see it?"
"No! I… haven't gotten it yet," Bane said. Davide was throwing him quick glances that he couldn't interpret. "So secret, not even I know!" He laughed and slapped Davide's back, "Right, Davi?"
The conversation dropped over dinner, and when they got back to Bane's room, washed and ready for bed, it was close to midnight. They spread out the futon for Davide, and Davide got into it for the benefit of Bane's mom, who wished them goodnight and flicked out the light. Her footsteps faded down the hall, then Bane whispered, "Davi, c'mon!" and he threw back his quilt in welcome. Davide picked up his pillow and stuffed it beside Bane's, and climbed into bed beside Bane. They squashed close together, so Bane's spine was against the wall, and their limbs crossed as they held each other. It wasn't hard to shuffle their faces close together, and it only took a few tries for them to find each other's lips in the dark. Davide clasped hold of Bane's hand, and directed it down, under the sheets, but as soon as he let go, Bane retracted it again. Bane shivered, and his teeth chattered as he whispered, "Davi, do you… really… wanna do this now?"
Davide's pupils were large and dark. He wasn't smiling. "…it's your birthday…" he said, barely opening his lips for the words.
"That's not what I asked," Bane said. The pillows pushed their breath back against their faces, and Bane found the long strand of Davide's hair that always fell into his eyes and wound it around his finger. He placed the hair beside Davide's ear, and when his fingers brushed against it, it was hot. He couldn't see if Davide's face was red in the crowding dark of the room, but when he kissed Davide's nose, he could feel the heat as he got closer. "I know I kept sayin' we had all night but… um… we have longer than that…" Davide wouldn't look at him, but when he exhaled, it seemed to shudder out a kind of relief, and Davide reached for Bane's hand and squeezed his fingers tight.
"…Sorry…" he said. Bane pulled him closer, so his face was hidden against Bane's chest.
"Nah, I mean… kind of... me neither?" Bane's face burnt up as he said it and Davide gave a laugh that was muffled by the blanket. "What?"
"Bane-san, your cock is hard," Davide whispered, against his neck.
"Well excuse me for being a weak-ass virgin," he said, ruffling Davide's hair. There was a moment of wonder in the silence that followed, not that he'd said anything they didn't already know, but, damn, saying it. And like this, it hit like thunder. He cleared his throat, quietly, and continued in a careful sleepover voice, "iunno, man, today's been really weird, yeah? I just," but he didn't have an end to that sentence.
He felt Davide's face move into a gentle smile against his neck, "Can I stay here?"
Bane lifted Davide's chin and looked down into his eyes, "please stay here," Bane said.
They did presents at the dining table before breakfast. None of the presents were suspiciously large or suspiciously covered in ventilation holes, nor did any of them make any cute yapping noises. Jake and Ricky poked their noses into the present pile and sniffed, but they didn't bark or growl at any of them. No new puppy, then. Still, Bane tore the coloured paper off each one, and Jake put his paws on Bane's knee to get a better look at the contents. Two of the presents were wrapped in paper that came from different rolls to the rest -- a small square and a large rectangle -- and Bane hummed thoughtfully at them and held them off for last. His hand hovered between them, but in the end, he prodded a finger at the square one and pulled it to him across the table. The folds on the paper were too neat for it to have been wrapped by a Kurobane, and Davide pulled his chair a little closer, proving the theory right.
"This is a CD for sure," Bane said, attacking the tape with his fingernails. He didn't recognise the band, and turning it over, none of the tracklist was familiar, either. "This can't be a band YOU like," he said, nodding his head at Davide, as he opened the CD case and checked the lyric booklet.
"Nah, bein' honest, this is one of my old faves," Dad said. Bane lowered the booklet and looked at Dad across the table. "Hikaru asked me for help with pickin' your present! Can ya believe it? So of course, I had just the thing--"
"Oh, thanks, Davide!" Bane said, shaking Davide's shoulder.
"Hey, don't cut me off! Anyway, you tell 'im what your idea was, Hikaru!"
Davide cleared his throat, looking down at the CD case as he spoke. "I asked… if there was a s-song you liked when you were little…"
"So yeah, then I remembered," Dad leaned over the table toward them, "when you were a baby you'd cry until I started singing the songs from this one album… so yeah, ta-dah!" He gestured to the CD box. Bane gaped at him. "They're in English though, iunno, but it stopped yer wailin'" He laughed, and Bane thanked them both again. "So what, did Hikaru nearly spoil the surprise last night, or?"
Bane frowned at him. "No? Wh--" Davide gave him a nice, subtle kick to the shin. "OH, that, oh yeah. Yeah, something like that, Pops, is this from you?" Bane pulled the last present toward him and admired the paper.
"'Pops'?" Mom said, raising her eyebrows, but Bane smiled up at her, pleasantly.
"That's right, it's from your Grandma, too," Grandfather… Pops said. "She wrote you a card, too. But go ahead and open your gift!" Bane tore at the corners of the paper. "We heard you absolutely had to have this, so I really hope it's what you were expecting."
"No…" Bane said, in a gasp. He pulled the paper away, "oh, my god, it's the raft!" He took Davide's shoulder again and shook him, "Davi, it's the raft I wanted!! Now we can go-- aww man, this is awesome!" Pops chuckled. "Thanks a lot, Pops! This is EXACTLY what I wanted!" He tilted the box to read the spec writing on the sides.
"Good, I'm so glad. Your Grandma will be pleased. She insisted you get what you wished for, you know, she was very serious about it!" Dad smiled at Pops.
"Sounds like my Ma," he said.
"Oh, Pops…" Bane placed the box back on the table. "If I wrote a letter to Grandma, would you deliver it to her?"
"Of course, Haru… is it okay for me to call you 'Haru'?"