Work Text:
“Could I have the ‘or death’?”
Nina was about to turn her most withering gaze on the latest hungover idiot to use that line when she registered just who was speaking. The normally chipper and perfectly turned out Muriel was anything but. Crowley, standing behind them, mouthed “hangover”. Which, obviously, and also did not help, because what kind of hangover remedy did you give to someone who presumably shared his ability to down six shots of espresso without blinking?
Stick to the basics. “Black coffee and water. And this idiot will bring it to you.” She made shooing motions in the direction of a quiet corner of the shop before setting up the machine for Crowley’s usual. ”Go, before you fall over.”
Once Muriel had safely collapsed in a chair and buried their head in their arms in the universal pose of “oh God, why does there have to be sunlight?”, she turned her glare to Crowley. “What are you doing to our baby angel?”
Nina could detect the eye roll despite the glasses. “First, they’re not a baby anything, they’re the same age as all the rest of us. Second, they want to understand humanity.”
“So you got them drunk?”
He threw his hands up indignantly. “Why does everyone always think I’ve got nothing better to do than go around tempting angels? They got themself drunk. Intentionally. We were talking.”
“Oh. What about? Life, the universe, and everything?”
A palpable hit. “Do you know how annoying you can be?”
“Yes. It’s a talent.”
Crowley glared as Nina sat down. “I didn’t invite you.”
She grinned. “I know. But it’s my shop, and my job to look after my customers. Which you are. So you’re not getting rid of me.” She turned her attention to Muriel. “So, how’s your head, kid?”
“They’re not a kid,” Crowley objected. Nina ignored him.
“Like it wants to fall off. Like I want it to fall off.”
“This is the point where I’d usually say ‘it may not feel like it, but you’ll live.’” Muriel looked utterly baffled. “Yeah, didn’t think so. But what I really want to know is - why? I’ve seen the way your lot get on,” with a head tilt to include Crowley in your lot, which she knew would both annoy and secretly please him. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Wanted to,” Muriel mumbled. Nina, who’d been torn between the scripts for college kid on first bender and runaway kid drinking to forget, decided that nothing in her experience was going to fit the situation. Still, carrying on with the usual process couldn’t hurt.
“Human experience, huh? Drink your water. And have you had anything to eat?” Another completely baffled look. “…ever?” The tiniest head shake, that looked like it had been instantly regretted. She looked at Crowley. “Does this mean I should offer some toast or no?”
From his expression that had to be one hell of a flashback. “Best not. First time can be pretty intense.”
The bell rang, a suspiciously convenient distraction. “You and I are going to have a talk, later.”
He spread his arms in the classic pose of “what did I do?”
Nina wasn’t surprised to see who had entered. “Hey, Maggie, the usual?” Maggie barely glanced at her, too distracted by the unlikely pair behind her. “For here, then.”
“Oh, yes, right”, Maggie said, still distracted. “I saw them crossing the street, Muriel looked like…” she trailed off, because whatever she’d guessed from down the street was very obvious this close.
“Hell?” and Maggie gave the quip more of a smile than it deserved. “Yeah. I’ve talked to them - well, him.”
“Mr I-don’t-need-anyone? He’s opening up?” As far as Nina and Maggie knew, they were the last ones to have any sort of conversation with him since the Great Breakup (because thinking of it terms of any of the other things that had happened that night was just too much), and look how well that had turned out.
“Yeah, a little.” Nina caught her up on what she’d learned so far. “Either he’s taking Muriel through an Intro to Humanity speedrun, or he’s as much of a bastard as he’d like us to think.”
Maggie gave her a little knowing smile and Nina smirked.
“And if I went over there to talk to them?”
“I think that’s why they’re here. You’re the first customer I’ve had since they came in.”
Maggie looked around at the remaining customers who all seemed far closer to being ready to leave than statistically likely. “You think he…?”
“Hmpf. Of course he did.”
“He could just ask.”
Nina cocked an extremely sardonic eyebrow.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Crowley made a sudden upwards motion as the two of them approached the table. “I’m going to…”
“Yes, go away,” Nina said dismissively. “We’re all going to have feelings in front of you.”
He glared at her and draped himself back over his chair, in the most fake attempt at indifference she’d ever seen. She shared a look with Maggie that said clearly they both saw right through him, and were just going to ignore him if he sulked.
Muriel appeared to have passed through the death-warmed-over phase, though was still a long distance from perky. “This is horrible,” they said, clutching their head. “Wine is supposed to be a blessing! Have you ever done this? Why?”
“Once or twice in college,” Nina admitted. “Figured out my limits pretty quick.”
Maggie shook her head. “Never have, actually. I don’t drink. Not that I’m judging.” Muriel seemed to be thinking that one over. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my share of days when everything seems unbearable, which is one reason people do that.” That didn’t seem to strike a chord, so she continued, “Or -,” Maggie seemed to be running through a long list of possibilities and rejecting too many as unlikely; Nina was absolutely certain that none of the happier reasons for overdoing had applied. “Or learned something terrible-“
Muriel darted a quick glance at Crowley. His pose hadn’t changed, but Nina got the sense that he was just a hair’s breadth from bolting, and this time he wouldn’t stop. Nina and Maggie shared a look, Something terrible about him? Oh, that was going to be a fun one. Not, she was certain, that he’d done something terrible; despite the whole fallen angel thing - oh. So it is the runaway kid scenario after all.
Maggie had spotted it too. “Or you found out your family were terrible, and maybe they weren’t bad to you, but they were to other members of your family, and you know they’re terrible but you still feel like you have to love them.” Muriel was looking at her like she’d revealed an unknown secret of the universe. “That’s a pretty common one. And you know what? It’s not your fault. It’s OK if you love them.” Crowley still hadn’t moved but Nina was sure he was listening even more intently than Muriel. “It’s OK if you hate them. You’re not the one with the problem, no matter what they think about who you are.”
The door suddenly started chiming as a mass of people surged in, most of them regulars who should’ve been in long ago, looking like they couldn’t believe they’d forgotten something as important as coffee. Crowley studiously avoided looking in her direction as she got up to go deal with them. Nina was fine with that, but if he drove Maggie off while she was making actual progress they were going to have words.