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It’s easy for Regulus to get lost in staring at the stars. They are his only company these days, lights that twinkle from thousands of miles away the only recipients of the words that come out of his mouth.
He spends his time sitting in front of the big glass pane that resides only a few hallway turns away from his room. It’s not one of the bigger observation decks, but it’s his favorite solely because no one ever comes here. It’s too close to the “undesirable” part of the ship, the part where all the weird and creepy things reside.
And, being that he is unofficially known as one of those weird and creepy things, he gets these parts all to himself.
There will be the occasional teenager here and there, sent out on a dare by one of their friends, or the maintenance robot that comes twice a week, but other than that, he is completely and utterly alone.
He prefers it better that way.
Or at least, that’s what he tells himself when he wakes up to nothing but the quiet of his living quarters around him every morning.
Regulus has spent his day doing menial tasks to pass the time, planning to go to sleep early so that he can wake up earlier in the morning and go to the market as soon as it opens (and avoid the usual morning crowd that tends to pop up a bit later), but instead he finds himself sitting in the observation deck again, staring out at the stars like they can give him the answers to the questions that constantly swirl around in his head.
Sometimes, when the thoughts get too much, he’ll try and guess how many of the stars he sees are actually already dead, their fading lights simply too far away to blink out of existence yet. It occupies his brain, and tonight he’s counted at least 37 of them.
Obviously he has no actual way of telling if they are already dead or not, but he likes to imagine that he alone can tell— one fading light recognizing another.
Regulus sighs and rearranges his legs from underneath himself, bringing one up to his chest so he can lean his chin on his knee. The duvet he has wrapped around himself slips a little off his shoulders, letting a draft of cold air inside his little cocoon. He silently slips it back up and over himself.
After staring at the stars a little longer, he feels himself starting to nod off, head pillowed gently onto his knee, when the opening hiss of the doors to the deck snaps him out of his sleepy daze. He’s sitting in a way that hides him from whoever has entered the room, but he can still see the entrance through the reflection of the glass.
He can’t really see the person’s face, but he would be able to recognize that head of messy hair anywhere.
Regulus’ heart starts to beat minutely faster, and he curses his body for reacting so quickly. He’s supposed to feel indifference, not whatever this is.
He’s still staring at the reflection in the window when the person rounds the sitting area, letting out a small sound of surprise at the sight of him.
“Reg?”
Regulus finally turns his head and looks up at the intruder, pitch black immediately finding dark brown. Even in the dim light of the room, Jame’s eyes shine like they are stars of their own. He’s wearing academy issued sweatpants and a too-small shirt, likely one of the many he grew out of over the last year.
“Potter,” he says simply, trying to inject as much indifference into his tone as he can. They stare at each other for a couple more seconds, until Regulus forces his stare away from James’ and back to the sea of stars that passes in front of him.
James sits down with him, albeit with a good meter of distance between them, and Regulus swears he can still feel his body heat from where he’s sitting.
“What are you doing out here so late?”
“I could ask you the same, Mr. Academy Force Captain. Aren’t you breaking curfew right now? Thought you would be too good for that sort of thing.” He says it just to taunt James, knowing full well what he and his friends used to- and probably still- get up to during their younger school years.
“Well if I’m breaking the rules then so are you. Are you saying I have to bring both of us in?” Regulus can tell he’s smirking without even having to look.
“Didn’t you hear? The rules and regulations don’t apply to an ostracized freak like me,” he says, putting a little too much venom into the way he says the word freak. He curses himself for letting his emotions slip.
James doesn’t respond after that, but Regulus can feel his stare boring into the side of his face. This would usually be the part where he makes a scathing remark and tells him to fuck off, but he’s tired, and a small part of him likes that he has James’ full attention.
After some minutes of stilted silence, Regulus removes his legs from under him to stand up, thinking this is the end of their conversation. James speaks up then, gaze to the floor and mumbling something so quietly that Regulus has to ask him to repeat what he said.
“I don’t think you’re a freak,” he says with a little more conviction this time, staring Regulus dead in the eyes.
Jame’s eyes have always been honest, and Regulus can’t find a single ounce of deceit when he says those six words. It’s unnerving.
He can’t help but laugh a little, mind not believing but heart beating faster like the treacherous little thing that it is. “Sure you don’t, James.”
“It’s true. Why don’t you believe me?” And now he’s standing up as well, both men face to face in a space that’s meant for quiet observation.
Regulus only shakes his head and turns to go, not brave enough to follow where this conversation is going, but James stops him with a hand on his shoulder. He can feel the warmth of it even through the thick duvet, and it’s intoxicating.
“Don’t walk away from me Regulus. I asked you a question.”
Regulus turns back around at his full name, momentarily surprised by the sudden closeness of their two bodies. He quickly schools his features into a blank mask, stubbornly making full eye contact with James again. The fact that he now has to look up slightly makes his heart beat even faster.
“I don’t know James, that’s just what everyone thinks. I don’t expect you to be any different.”
“Well then everyone else is wrong. You’re not a freak, Regulus.”
Regulus huffs at that. Here he is, standing and discussing this pointless topic with James Potter of all people, and suddenly he finds he’s too tired for this.
“Aren’t I though? I’m certainly not normal. No one talks to me. No one comes to this side of the ship other than to taunt me. The only interactions I have are when the maintenance robots come to clean these hallways. I’m deathly pale. I have markings on my skin from a language that’s been dead for hundreds of years. I mean for fuck’s sake, even my eyes are weird! Do you see these? A normal person doesn’t have pitch black eyes. I don’t even have pupils! So please, tell me how that’s normal James.”
Regulus is breathing hard at this point, cheeks flushed and brows set in a harsh line. He’s learned to ignore all the stares whenever he does venture out into other areas of the ship, burying his hatred deep down, but something about James’ piercing gaze makes him feel vulnerable. Raw. Open.
He doesn’t like it. He hates it. He craves it.
James takes a tentative step closer, eyes flitting all over Regulus’ face. “It’s not. But I still think you’re beautiful. Why would I want you to be like everyone else?”
Regulus fights to keep his composure, but he can feel himself losing it with every second that goes by.
“Why?” he whispers, not able to say anything else. He’s tired, and lonely, and he hasn’t felt another person’s comfort in months. He feels like he’s unraveling at the seams.
James gently reaches up to cup Regulus’ face in his hands, expression so sincere it makes Regulus’ heart hurt.
“I can see galaxies in your eyes, Reg, and they’re breathtaking,” James whispers back. “You don’t even know how beautiful you look just standing there and it’s killing me.”
Regulus makes a noise of distress at the back of his throat, but James keeps going. “Even with a sea of stars at our backs, you’re still the most beautiful thing I can see for miles. You are everything to me Regulus. Do you hear me? I would choose you every single time, without hesitation.”
Regulus can’t help the way his chin trembles at that, his vision of James turning blurry as he tries to come up with something to say. He can feel calloused thumbs wiping away his tears, causing even more to spill out.
“I don’t believe you,” Regulus chokes out, because his brain is a fickle thing that likes to self sabotage at any given moment.
James firms his hold on his face, making sure Regulus looks him in the eyes. “If you won’t take my word for it, then let me prove it to you. Please.”
Regulus can’t help but nod, breathing in a shaky gasp when James brings their lips together oh so softly. He shut his eyes, knocking a few more stray tears loose, all but melting into James’ embrace. He brings his own hands up to cradle the other man’s jaw, tilting his head to put more force into the kiss.
James separates them, knocking their foreheads together as they both breathe into their shared space.
“Do you believe me now?”
“You cannot be real,” Regulus whispers, still unbelieving of James’ words.
“I’m as real as this moment, Reg. This is real. I am real, and I’ll keep proving it to you every day if you need me to. Just say yes.”
“Yes,” he breathes, mouth closing the distance between them, letting his lips linger on a firm kiss before moving his head into the crook of James’ neck and his arms to wrap around his shoulders.
It’s so easy to fall into the embrace when James moves his arms down to his waist, hugging Regulus close to his body as if he’s going to lose him any second. They stay in each others arms for what seems like hours, simply holding onto each other, a sea of stars illuminating the room around them in a gentle light.
Regulus lets out a deep breath, feeling a tug of happiness at his heart for the first time in months.