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It was his mother, of all people, that sent him the video.
Lando doing his post-race interview. And then, in the middle of it, getting completely distracted. Before admitting he had been watching the podium. The podium where Carlos had been.
Lando was beautiful. Carlos couldn’t believe how beautiful he was. And that look, that smile. They brought back so many memories. From easier times, from times when Carlos felt more free. From times when Carlos had been happy.
Carlos was amazed by how vivid the memories still were. Three years later, he could still feel Lando’s warmth under his fingers, smell the perfume of his skin, and hear his moans.
And it still hurt.
Carlos let himself fall back on the fluffy hotel bed. He felt suddenly so alone. He had just had one of the best races of his career but the happiness that it had brought had just been a flash of light in the dark.
He was back there, in another hotel room, in a too-large bed. With no one to share his joy with. With no one to talk to. With no one to hold in his arms.
Lando and he had decided to stop whatever they had when Carlos left for Ferrari. It was easier like that. They would stay friends, Carlos would stop lying to Isa, and respect that little clause in his contract about having a serious family man image.
At first, it worked. It was hard but it worked. Until it didn’t. Until it was too hard to be together without being together. Until Lando got new friends.
But the look he had in the video. Carlos had seen love in his eyes. And he couldn’t accept that. He couldn’t accept that Lando still loved him. That they had been apart for nearly 3 years and that they were still in love with each other.
That night, Carlos barely slept. He spent the whole night remembering his two years with Lando. His two years of happiness.
***
Carlos was lying on another bed. This one felt a bit more like home. He had gone to Maranello directly from Monza. He could have gone back to his house in Madrid for a day or two but recently his house hadn’t felt like a home anymore.
Isa had decorated the whole house in the past years and being there without her felt a bit wrong. It had been their place but it wasn’t Carlos’ anymore if that made sense.
His flat in Maranello was his and only his. No memories of Isa. None of Lando either.
He was browsing Instagram when he saw that Lando had posted new stories. The pictures were unusually bad. Taken from the inside of a car. Showing buildings. The first one was easily recognizable, though. Harrods, in London. The second one was just the same street. The third one looked like a random building. For Carlos, it wasn’t. He knew the place. A random hotel in London, like many others. And yet, so unique.
After their shopping afternoon with Isa in December 2019, they had gone to that hotel. It had been the first time Carlos had openly lied to her. Telling him they had a sponsor dinner when they just sneaked into a nondescript hotel room. It had been the first time they had said: “I love you” to each other.
The implications of Lando posting these pictures were huge. There was no way it was a coincidence. There was no way there wasn’t a hidden message meant only for Carlos.
Carlos was writing the message before he realised it.
“So, you remember?”
The answer came almost immediately and Carlos knew that Lando had been waiting for his reaction.
“I’ve never forgotten.”
“Me neither.”
“It was a beautiful day.”
“And a beautiful night.”
“The most beautiful.”
Carlos couldn’t believe what he was reading. It felt like Lando was still feeling something… Like himself was.
Carlos would have given everything to be with Lando at that moment. To be able to see the emotions on his face, to be able to get the proof he needed.
“We could get dinner in Singapore, after the race.”
“At 2 AM?”
“You know I’m not good with time zones.”
“I know.”
It was one of the millions of things they had learned about each other during their two years together.
“So, room service?”
“Only if we made Ferrari pay for it.”
Of course, Lando had to joke. And make a jab at Ferrari. It was a good sign though. He hadn’t joked with Carlos in months.
“Of course!”
“It’s a date then!”
Carlos re-read that last message multiple times. He wasn’t sure if it was still a joke or not. But as he re-read the first messages from Lando, he got pretty sure it wasn’t.
***
Carlos was resting in his driver’s room before the press conference. He had been set up with Oscar, Zhou, Nico, and Max. He had wished for Lando to be there rather than his teammate. Still, it would probably have been so difficult to be sitting next to Lando after all that happened since Monza.
After their exchange about the London pics, Lando kept messaging him. Nothing specific. Random messages about his days. But often with a hidden meaning. Like the picture of the MTC corridor. The one leading to the storehouse where Carlos had blown him one day, late, after a full day in the sim. Or a selfie where Lando was wearing his white beaded bracelet. Carlos loved playing with the beads while they cuddled. He also got a few text messages. “They still make good tiramisu at the canteen.” or “Why is the meeting room so cold.”
It’s like Lando was flirting with memories. Memories of all the moments they had shared and left behind three years ago.
And Carlos liked that. It made the days until their date pass so much faster. And, if it was possible, it made his love for Lando grow bigger.
A knock on his door brought him back to the moment.
“Entra, è aperto!”
It was a bit early for being called for the press conference so Carlos expected someone from the team with important info… Or Rupert…
Not Lando. Not Lando wearing his full McLaren outfit, his cap backward, and a shy smile on his lips. In Ferrari’s motorhome.
“Lando? What are you doing here!”
Carlos stood up from his little couch and then stopped in his tracks. He wanted to hug Lando but he wasn’t sure it was a good idea. The door was still open behind him.
Lando closed it.
“I… I couldn’t wait until Sunday. Wanted to see you…”
“Landito.”
Carlos hadn’t used the nickname in years but it still felt natural on his lips.
“And hug you…If…”
Lando didn’t have to finish what he was saying. Carlos engulfed him in a tight hug.
It felt good. It wasn’t like they hadn’t hugged after their break up. Carlos was a tactile man and even as friends it was hard to resist the appeal of hugging Lando. But this one was different. It could be the first hug or their second chapter.
Lando let his head fall against Carlos’ shoulder and put his arm around his waist.
Without moving, Carlos asked: “How did you get here?”
“Rupert.” The answer came muffled, Lando’s face still buried in Carlos’ body.
“He has always been fond of you.”
“I know.”
They didn’t talk after that. For Carlos, it felt like recharging. Like all the energy, all the joy he had lost in the past years was coming back.
Of course, it couldn’t last indefinitely.
“I should go.”
“Yes.”
Still, they didn’t move immediately. Relishing in the moment.
“Three days. Just three days and you’ll be able to ask for anything on the menu and Ferrari will pay!” Carlos joked when he finally let go of Lando.
“Ask for anything, uh?”
The glint in Lando’s eyes. His smile. Carlos knew.
“Anything.”
Lando left and Carlos didn’t feel alone.
***
As soon as he had entered the room, Lando went to lie in the middle of the bed. Diagonally so he was more or less taking all the space.
It felt like nothing had changed. Carlos knew it wasn’t the case but still, he enjoyed all these familiar moments brought back from the past.
“I’m starving,” Lando said, grabbing the menu from the nightstand. “We order, we eat, and then we talk, okay?”
Carlos nodded, coming to sit next to Lando’s head so he could read the menu with him. He knew better than to try to have a serious conversation with a hungry Lando.
In the end, Lando got a burger. Carlos chose the steak, with fries. A large portion because he knew that Lando would steal half of it. Another little spark of joy was brought from the past.
As they waited for their food, they simply talked about the race. Carlos has finished 5th… Just behind Lando. But they mostly were really happy for Alex who got his first podium, finishing 3rd behind the two Red Bulls.
Lando had moved a bit and his head was resting on Carlos’s thigh. It felt strange but in a very good way. And Carlos realised how much he had missed this. Being close to Lando, just talking and touching without any other meaning than the comforting proximity of the person you love.
***
Without any surprise, Lando did end up stealing half of Carlos’ fries. Carlos let him, of course. With the promise of not telling Jon.
As they finished eating, Lando started getting fidgety. A clear sign of distress for him. Carlos took the lead then. He put their plates away and came back to sit cross-legged in front of Lando on the bed.
“Why did you post these pics? The ones from London.”
“For you to see it.”
“I know that. But why? Why now?”
“Because you looked beautiful on the podium…”
“Lando. Please.”
Carlos knew when Lando was beating around the bush.
“I did an interview. They asked me if I was thinking a lot about my possible first victory. I told them I was thinking about it only from time to time. But… It made me realise that if I pictured my first victory it would be with McLaren of course but also… you would be there."
Carlos smiled. He had imagined many reasons for Lando to have posted this picture but this was not one of them.
"When I imagine myself winning, I'm always celebrating with you. And it made me so sad to realise that… I wouldn't have you by my side if I did really win."
"I would have been there. Even as just a friend…"
"I don't want you as just a friend. It was clear when I saw you on the podium. You were so fucking handsome…"
Carlos blushed. Only Lando could make him blush like that. But the hunger in his eyes. That was too much.
"I... I saw love in your eyes. During the interview. And then you posted the pictures of London…" Carlos explained.
"It had felt like a sign. You know. Passing in front of Harrod’s the day after… and the hotel. I had to post the pictures. I wanted you to react… To see if there was still some hope."
"There is, Lando. And if you want it, there is way more than hope." Carlos said with all the conviction in the world.
Lando came closer then. They hugged clumsily, their positions not comfortable but it didn't matter.
"I want that… so much… but… but all the reasons why we decided to stop… They are still there."
Lando was right. He really had matured. Younger Lando would have taken the opportunity without thinking about it.
"Perhaps they aren't so important anymore…"
Lando didn't answer that. He just moved and pulled Carlos with him so they were lying on the bed, Lando's head on Carlos's torso.
"I tried, you know. To be happy without you. With Luisa. I thought it would be easier with a girl…"
Carlos understood that Lando still had things he wanted Carlos to know. So he listened. He played with the beads of Lando bracelet, a black one.
"And I was happy. It felt good. But with you, it felt great! When she broke up with me… I think she had felt I wasn't 100% into it… when she left, I felt relieved more than sad…"
Carlos remembered his feelings when he had discovered Lando's story about the breakup. He had felt relieved, too. And then guilty. He should have wanted Lando to be happy even if it was with someone else.
"I tried with Martijn, too. It was fun and… it was easy. But still… it wasn't enough."
Lando moved a bit, leaning on his elbow so he was looking at Carlos directly.
"I don't want good. I don't want easy… I want you, Carlos."
"I want you, too, Landito."
Lando smiled and leaned on.
Kissing Lando felt like a firework. But it also felt like coming home after a too-long stay abroad. The kisses remained soft like they had to rediscover each other.
When they finally separated, it was Carlos's turn to tell Lando everything.
"I tried to be happy, too. Didn't work. Isa broke up because of the rumors of me cheating. I never did with these girls. I only cheated on her with you but I couldn’t tell her. It would have made what we had feel like a bad thing. So I let her believe. But I think she knew about us…"
Lando looked away then.
"She did, Carlos. At Caco's wedding she… She told me I should… back away. So you could try to forget about us for good. And… I'm sorry but I did. I thought she was right. That staying close to each other was making the moving on part harder."
"She did what?"
Carlos couldn’t believe what he was hearing! It was Isa’s fault if Lando had pulled away.
"Carlos… She loved you. She tried to get you back. I can't blame her for that."
Perhaps Lando was right. It was a fair play from Isa after Carlos had lied to her for nearly two years.
"Since when are you so wise?"
"Looks like I did mature in the end… but I still won't eat fish."
They shared a laugh then.
"Lando… if… if we try again. I'll tell my parents about us."
It had been one of the reasons for the breakup. Carlos not wanting to come out to his family. Along with the difficulties of being on different teams that would make their time together harder to organise. The clause in Carlos’s contract. Lando's want to come out or at least schedule some kind of public announcement.
"And I won't pressure you to come out. I realised I was naive and a bit egoist. I still don't want to hide who I am but… I don't want grand public declarations either. Let the people believe what they want. "
"If… if it works, we could do that together. Not coming out but… Not hiding anymore."
"I'd love that."
Lando’s smile was blinding. Carlos hadn't seen it for so long. He kissed that smile. Lando giggled and Carlos hugged him again, pulling him closer.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“We will make it work, this time.”
Carlos couldn’t be sure it would work. But he would do everything in his power to keep Lando this time and make him truly happy forever.
Life was giving him a second chance. An opportunity to finally get back home. In Lando’s arms, in Lando’s heart. He wasn’t gonna let it pass!
“We will.”