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Tori liked Jade. She might even say love, but that felt like too strong of a word for the confusing feelings that seemed to poke and prod at her subconscious all throughout the day like a pesky fly hovering too close to her ear.
These feelings were confusing, intriguing, pleasant and miserable all wrapped up into a box covered in messy wrapping paper and a sloppy bow to tie it together.
It was hard to pinpoint when these feelings started. The hopeless romantic in herself wanted to say it was love at first sight, but that felt like a lie. It was more complicated than that.
Maybe it was the first time she had seen Jade cry after breaking up with Beck. Miserable-looking mangled kite grasped in her hands, tear-streaked face as she demanded... no begged for Tori's help.
It was the first time she felt that now familiar pang in her chest, one she had chalked up at the time to pity at seeing her... friend? enemy? cry. All the same her own heart broke for the girl who hated her and she couldn’t understand why.
After that things were both easier between the two and harder in other aspects. Frenemies was the correct term for their unpredictable dynamic, never at peace but never intolerable.
Maybe it was when Jade broke her out of detention. Realistically Tori knew she shouldn't have felt anything less than anger for the girl who got her sent there in the first place, Even Jade herself seemed baffled by how Tori just accepted the cards she was dealt with no complaints.
She had been surprised when Jade seemed to decide to break Tori out of the detention when Tori's response seemed to frustrate her. Tori was even more surprised when neither of them seemed able to wipe the smiles off their faces as Jade drove Tori home.
Tori tried not to dwell on these thoughts. The thoughts that crawled to the surface and pestered her brain whenever Jade glanced at her with an almost knowing smirk or when Jade let her get too close in subtle touches with no complaints from the girl who hated any bit of contact.
She did, however, remember the first time she realized what these misplaced and puzzling feelings were. The moment it finally clicked into something coherent amongst her messy thoughts.
It was almost embarrassing that it happened the night Sikowitz forced them to go on a date for that stupid play. The night had been so awkward, yet she couldn't help the way her face flushed when Jade called her pretty or the way Jade's face seemed to enter an almost conflicted state when the compliment was returned - as if neither of them really knew what to do with the compliments that held a lot more sincerity then either of them were expecting.
The butterflies she felt performing side by side with the usually irritable girl. Joint laughter mingled in a way that caused her heart to flutter and her face to ache from the smile painted on her face.
Even if they were unwilling participants originally, that night could have gone on forever and she wouldn't have had a single complaint.
So why was it when the idea of setting Jade up with someone so Beck could go on a date with Meredith, Tori hadn't considered herself to be an option? She knew, deep down it was what she wanted, but it didn't feel right.
Fumbling through half-baked and sporadic plans with a barely willing and genuinely confused André at her heels. He didn't understand why Tori was so hellbent on helping Jade and Beck. But when he asked, she realized she didn’t understand either.
It wasn't until she watched Jade's expression light up, the hard features on her face shifting into a small smirk as Beck approached her on stage that she finally understood.
Tori knew, deep down that this was the role she was destined to play. There would never be a Tori and Jade, not in the way she wanted, not in the way she craved.
Tori had a script to follow, so she played her part.
As much as it hurt, she understood. If it meant getting to see the way that the all too familiar light seemed to return to Jade's eyes when they landed on Beck in a way they never did with Tori. As the incessant pang in her chest was intent on making itself known despite trying her best to ignore it. She knew this wasn't about her, it was about Jade (in her mind, it always was).
Like clockwork, Tori fixed Beck and Jade for a second time. Everything was right again and deep down, Tori knew she would be okay.