Work Text:
“Peridot, open up!”
“Hmph,” you mutter, curling up tighter. You’ve been sulking all night, and you don’t feel like giving up now. Even when the knocking at the bathroom door turns into desperate pounding. Steven can get a new bathroom for all you care.
“PLEASE!”
“Fine,” you tell the door. You uncurl yourself and unlock it. Immediately, it bursts open and Steven rushes inside. As per usual, you turn around to honor the private sacredness of his excrement ritual. Strange, he didn’t even bother to close the door this time. Perhaps it was only you who wasn’t worthy of watching.
“Uggghhhh...” You hear Steven groaning behind you and resist the urge to take a peek. “Urrgh—!” You cringe. This is just awful.
He continues with several more unattractive retching sounds, and with one great heave, you hear a loud splash. “S-sorry,” he says, and deposits another splash into the toilet. When you finally hear the flush, he doesn’t give you permission to turn around. So you face the wall as you listen to the sink running.
“Um... Am I allowed to—”
“Yeah. S-sure.”
You turn around to see him brushing his teeth at the mirror. His complexion is rather green, and he trembles where he stands. “Well,” you comment. “That was... new.”
“Let me in faster n-next time, I almost threw up on the floor.”
He spits out into the sink and shudders. “Your bathroom ritual... it isn’t always quite so... violent.”
Steven spits a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink and slathers even more paste on his toothbrush. "Mm mm," he mutters.
"Is it... painful?"
He nods.
"Always?"
"No, I'm just... feeling pretty under the weather today. I felt awful when I woke up... but... I think I'm better now."
He puts down the toothbrush and starts to leave. He staggers a few steps before gripping the wall for support. "Ugh..."
"What is... wrong with you?" you ask. "Are you malfunctioning?"
"Am I what?"
"You're all weird and wobbly," you tell him. "And less... energetic."
You follow Steven outside the bathroom. He stops at the bottom of the steps and gazes up at his bed. "Ughhhh... staaairs...."
"Got something against them?"
He trudges slowly up until he reaches the landing. Then he collapses on his bed. You hear a muffled groan from underneath him. "Steven?" He turns over onto his back. Tentatively, you poke him in the face.
"Mmn! Don't do that!"
"You feel..." You poke him again.
"Stop it!"
"I was right! There is something wrong! Steven, you're overheating!"
"Whaa...?" He opens his eyes. "Oh. Yeah, I probably have a bit of a fever." He feels his own forehead. "Yeahhh..." He closes his eyes again and sighs.
"What's that mean?"
"Just that my body gets all warm.... and I feel gross and sick... don't worry, Peridot. I just gotta wait for it to go away."
“Your body is so incredibly... inconvenient.” You stretch out your hand, curious to feel how hot he is. He looks at you, but doesn’t say anything. You feel the spot on his forehead he was touching before. It isn’t burning. Perhaps it isn’t too dangerous. “Is this what is causing you to expel so violently?”
“Something like that? I don’t know...” You retract your hand. He sighs and crawls underneath his bedcoverings. “So cold...”
“It isn’t... particularly cold in here.”
He curls up and shivers. He looks so tragic in this state.
He looks so weak.
Suddenly, he sits up and covers into his mouth. “What are—” Steven cuts you off with a powerful hacking. His body spasms with each harsh respiratory exhale. He seems to be in some sort of fit of internal attacks. You don’t know what to do. He needs fixing, and you don’t know anything about his workings, but you know enough to be aware that this needs to stop.
The coughs slow down, and finally he leans back gasping. “Steven, w-what was that?!”
“‘M okay,” he wheezes. Even his voice is damaged. It sounds as scratchy as though it were coming from a broken transmitter radio.
“Steven, you are malfunctioning!”
“Nooo, I just have a cold!”
“Let me have a look at you! I’ve never been inside a human before, but I’m sure I could figure your body out. If I don’t fix you soon, this problem could persist! Whatever it is!”
“I know what it is.” Steven lies back down and closes his eyes. “I told you, I have a cold. I’ve... gotten colds before. But I had the gems around to take care of me. And before them... I had my dad. But I’m big now. I can’t let them worry about me all the time... I gotta learn to take care of myself... I can handle a cold til they get back.”
“They know how to fix you?” you ask.
“Uh, yeah. Well, it doesn’t take much. I just need lots of rest... and tender loving caring.” He smiles to himself. “I used to like being sick. I liked getting attention from my dad and the gems... then I learned that in order to take care of me, my dad had to take time off from work.” His smile fades away. “Now, it just stinks.”
You lean down and sniff him. Something does smell the tiniest bit stale. Steven laughs weakly. “Peridot, not like that.”
So fragile. To think that there is a creature that needs attention to thrive. He inhales sharply into his scent sponge, drawing a wet green line into it. His respiratory system is clogged. Why he even needs a respiratory system is beyond you, but his problems are increasing by the minute.
Gemsus, now he’s leaking. His vision orbs are moistening, and more green liquid drips from his face orifices.
“Peridot?” he whispers. “Could you pass the tissues?”
“The what?”
He points to a generic flimsy box. You hand it over. He takes out a thin flimsy material and blows the contents of his scent sponge into it. He wipes his eyes as well. “You should clean out your vision spheres,” you tell him.
“Huh? I sort of... am cleaning them out.” He coughs again. “Uggghhh... sorry Peridot, can you get me some water?” He gives you a sheepish smile. “Please?”
“Well, since you asked so nicely....”
You trudge down the stairs and into the kitchen. If water is what’s going to fix Steven, you’ll slave for him for a while. Until he stops. You fill a transparent cylinder with water from the sink faucet. Perhaps he needs more. If he's this weak, you might consider carrying him to the bathroom to submerge in the... tub. You know now how to control the temperature of the water. As you return to Steven's bed, you consider a plan to transport him there. He needs to cool down.
"Do you have a fan?" you ask him.
"Maybe?"
You give him the glass. Instead of emptying it on his head, he pours it down his throat. "Oh," you muse out loud. Cooling down his systems internally. "That makes sense."
"What?"
"Oh, ignore me."
He puts down the empty cylinder and blows his sense sponge again into another tissue. "That green stuff you're excreting," you say. "Shouldn't that be deposited into the load gaper?"
"Huh? You mean the toilet?"
"Yes, whatever." You wave your hand. "I thought everything you expelled had to be safely drained and destroyed. If you could simply blow everything into one of these... tissues, why do you continue to violate what little privacy I have left by visiting the bathroom every day?"
"It, uh..." Steven hesitates. "It wouldn't... fit."
“Nothing about your species makes sense to me,” you say. “Your elimination process— why in the world does that happen? And why does it come in so many different forms of matter? Does it leak out of every hole in your body?”
“These are... some weird questions.” Steven pauses. “But... I have to admit, I also used to ask those questions. About why humans poop and stuff.”
“What is poop?”
“Peridot, if gems don’t poop, why do they have butts?”
“Whaa...? For... for cushioning! Are you saying the human butt plays a different function?!”
“Yes.” Steven adopts the even, patient tone of a teacher. “Us humans expel waste through a scientific process known as pooping. We, uh...” He loses the tone. “We like, eat food, right? To get energy. And there’s good stuff and bad stuff in food. The good stuff gets turned into energy, and the bad stuff goes through the body and goes... out. Y’know?”
“No.”
“Well, since I’m sick... all the stuff has to come out. The good stuff and the bad stuff. I’m... not really sure why? I’ll... I’ll ask my dad later... maybe....”
This is worrisome. His digestive system is broken too. “What is the function of the water in the bowl of the load ga— toilet? And why does your source of energy need a way out? Why haven’t humans developed a more efficient system of energizing? Your race is so backwards!”
Steven’s eyes begin to droop. “Peridot,” he sighs, “I’d really... I wanna answer everything but I’m tired. I needs my rest.”
“You want me to leave?”
“Well, yeah. Please?”
“N-no! Someone has to keep watch on you to make sure nothing else happens! What am I going to do if... if something else stops working?”
Steven smiles. “Aww, you’re worried about me!”
“Of— Of course I am!”
He nestles deeper into his bedcoverings. “Thanks, Peridot. I’ll be okay if you’re nearby.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ll get better if you let me rest,” he says.
“Oh. I... see. Alright then.”
You begin to leave down the stairs. You look back at him one last time. He looks back at you. You blush and keep walking. Back in the bathroom, you curl up on the floor again.
Back to your normally scheduled peace and quiet, before Steven barged in and disturbed you with his strange noises and elimination process... Before he gave you all these concerns...
You’re not really concerned for his wellbeing, no, you couldn’t care less how painful his condition is. His trembling, his wheezing, it’s all just a part of this... cold. You’re only worried because if it harms him too badly, the Crystal Gems will probably blame you. You don’t want them punishing you for violating your truce agreement. You had promised not to hurt him. That’s the only reason you want him to get better.
That’s right.
Why else would you worry?
And why can’t you stop worrying? He did say he would be fine. He should be fine. He will be fine. You shouldn’t concern yourself. You have no control over his delicate human body.
You don’t care about him, why should you?
For some reason, you picture Steven’s starry-eyed smile in your mind’s vision spheres. Ugh. How repulsive.
“Yeah, suffer more, you strange hybrid creature,” you mutter into your knees. “Keep to your designated area, and leave me alone in mine.”
You’re not sure how much time passes. You lose count of how many times you’ve rocked back and forth. It could be hours or days or millennia for all you know. But you figure that if the Crystal Gems have been gone this long, Steven will keep being in this weakened state.
You can’t have that.
“I need you alive. That’s why I’m going to check on you!” you reason out loud.
In case he can hear you from here.
You trudge back up the stairs to Steven’s bed. “What’s your current condition,” you ask him. “How are you—”
At the top of the stairs, you stop. You cock your head to the side and wait for Steven to respond. He doesn’t. His eyes are shut, and he’s just lying there. Immobile.
“Steven?” you call.
He remains still. Cautiously, you approach him. You poke him in the face. He groans, but he doesn’t respond. “Steven,” you say. He sighs with a disgustingly wet and bubbly sound.
You press your touch stumps to his forehead. Evidently it has to be the main source of his body heat. His temperature has increased. You’re certain of it.
“No...” you whisper. You sink to the floor, digging your fingers into your hair. “Nooooo...! No, no no, the Crystal Gems are going to think I killed him!”
He’s shut down. Completely. You made a mistake. You left him alone before you could prevent this. “Ohhhh, Yellow Diamond,” you mutter. You giggle softly. “I’ve failed. I’ve failed Homeworld, and now I’ve even failed the enemy.... I’ve failed everyone....”
Steven exhales loudly behind you with what sounds like a snort. You peek over at him. He remains unresponsive. “Steven, please answer if you hear me.”
A rivulet of liquid leaks from the corner of his mouth. “Nooo... that’s not the answer I wanted!”
Alright, alright. There has to be something you can do. You can build a fan. You can build one easily. There is plenty of water to cool him down with. You’ll set the faucet to the coldest setting and dump him in. That seems like the best option. Shock his body back into restarting. You are a genious. You’ll have to figure out how to get him down before the Crystal Gems get back. Should be easy enough. A simply lifting device... piece of cake...
“Argh! What am I thinking!” You tear at your hair and curse your stupidity. Humans don’t follow the rules of logic, nothing you try is going to work! This strange race that poops through their butts won’t respond to proper maintenance. You don’t know how to fix him. Only those clods do. Or do they? What if they can’t?
“This isn’t my problem!” you exclaim, but no one can hear you, you’re alone with this dying human.
No, there’s one thing left for you to do. You compose yourself, stand, and take a deep breath. There’s someone who can help. Someone who has all the knowledge you need.
He will know what to do.
He knows everything.
“Okay. But before I set out to find Dad...” You may not know anything about humans, but you know a thing or two about gems. Steven has a gem. “Let’s have a look.”
You’ll have to be careful. Be gentle. Steady your hands. Why are you shaking. Control yourself, Peridot. If his gem is cracked, well... Well, you hope it isn’t. Steven may have been able to fix the Lazuli’s gem, but clearly his powers were very limited.
Carefully, you tug down a soft layer of bedcovering. His eyes scrunch tighter, and his body shifts. Another groan escapes him. You can’t tell if this is good or bad. Your heart is pounding too much. Screw being careful. You rip off his coverings in one swipe and lift up his torso garment.
“AAAHHH! GARNET!”
You release his garment and jump. Steven’s eyes snap open and he flails around, grasping for his coverings. “P-Peridot! What’re you doing?!”
“I wanted to see your gem! Steven, are you aware that you’ve spent the past uncertain amount of time immobile and unresponsive?”
Steven blinks. He falls back down onto his pillow and stares at you, his tiny primitive brain working slower than usual. “You mean... oh. I was just taking a nap. That... that probably looks really scary to someone who never sleeps.”
“Explain!” you yell.
“Ugghhhh.... Peridot, I just woke up.”
“I thought I had lost you!”
Steven winces. “Sorry? Humans... sometimes need to recharge... else we got no energy. So we go into this state where we don’t move or do anything. Then we wake up and... do stuff.”
“You just shut down?” you ask. “Out of nowhere? You stop moving and... enter this weird... state of complete stasis? At completely random times?”
“No, we usually do it every night. We have bedtimes and stuff so that... uh...”
“Every night? How has the human race existed for so many millennia?”
Steven shrugs. “Everything else on the planet sleeps too, I guess...? I wish I had my dad here, he could explain stuff a lot better than I could.”
“I was about to go and find him.”
Steven smiles. “You know,” he says, “if you were really that worried about me, you could have woken me up.”
“I wasn’t aware that these coverings were what was keeping you in your state.”
He yawns. “Peridot, what time is it?”
“Huh? I don’t know.”
“Are the gems back yet?”
“No. Steven, you shouldn’t be kept so warm. I don’t know how you can stand it. That heat is going to cause your systems to slow down completely.”
“But I’m so cold...” He swipes for his coverings again, but his coordination is off.
You know what’s best for him, you think. You know it isn’t best to give in to his sensory hallucinations. “You’re wrong.” You pull the coverings further out of his reach.
“Ughnnnh... you’re so mean!” He rolls onto his side and coughs. “Pleeeeease... I’m freezing!”
Curse everything on this planet. You pick up the coverings and lift them over his pathetic shivering body. You can’t believe yourself. Something about tucking this human into his extremely soft nest feels... wrong. It fills you with strange feelings that stir in your chest. You don’t like it.
“Thanks, Peridot,” he sighs.
“Do you, um....” You fidget where you stand. “Would some more water help...?”
“Yeah.”
You go fetching Steven some more water like a common pearl. Well, there’s no reason you shouldn’t have a lowlier position than the lowliest gem in this house. Might as well lower yourself back into the gemforsaken ground....
He downs two more cylinders of water. You test his forehead. “This isn’t working.”
“I promise you, I’ll be fine!”
“No... there has to be something else I can do! At least before the Crystal Gems get back and find you like this—”
“Aw, they won’t be too freaked out.”
“But... isn’t this hurting you?”
His eyes widen. “You do care about me...”
“ANSWER THE QUESTION, PEBBLE!”
He nods. “My throat hurts... I’m still a little queasy... Peridot, it’s hard to answer your questions. Talking hurts my throat.”
“Well, you should have told me that!”
“You could...” Steven trails off.
“What.”
Upon his suggestion, you find yourself hauling up a basin of water with some plain rags. You dip one in and squeeze it out. Steven giggles quietly. “They do this all the time in the animes...” he whispers.
“Shhh. No more talking.” You hold the wet rag over his forehead. “Is this... working?”
He smiles. Despite the pain he claims to be in, he’s evidently enjoying himself. You don’t understand him at all. You wipe the areas of his face that are most affected by the fever. His cheeks are especially flushed. You find yourself staring into his eyes with this unpleasant feeling welling up in your gut. You're certain it can’t be anything but pure mortification.
“Peri—”
“Shush!”
“Can you tell me a story?”
“Huh?” You draw back incredulously. “W-will that actually help?”
“Yeah. It’ll make me... relaxed.”
“You mean... it’ll serve as a distraction?”
“Sure.”
“Well... let’s see...” You don’t really know any stories. Back at Homeworld, every day was lived relatively the same way. You functioned to carry out your duties with little to no variation, until you came to Earth. But Steven already knew everything that happened to you here. “Uhh... So, one time, as I was updating my log, I was attacked by a vicious creature whose primary defense mechanism was targeting the sense sponge. It was small, furry, and black and— Argh! No, I don’t want to relive that!”
Steven laughs a painful scratchy laugh. “You’ll have to give me a moment. A long moment. I... I—”
You immediately forget that thought when the warp pad’s activation sounds its beautiful warp behind you. You drop the rag and run down the stairs. “FINALLY!” you yell.
Amethyst scowls. Pearl looks ready to draw her weapon. “Please, I need your help! Steven is damaged—”
“What did you do to him?!” Pearl shouts.
“Nothing! I swear to Yellow Diamond, I—”
“Tell us what happened!” Garnet interjects.
“He... he came into the bathroom this morning and began, well— it doesn’t matter! He’s overheating and all his facial orifices are leaking!”
All three of them push past you. You scramble up behind them, wringing your hands, silently begging them to understand that this is not your fault!
“Guys, I’m... uh, I’m fine,” Steven says.
“Did she attack you?” Amethyst asks.
“No, I just have a cold, and she’s freaking out.”
“Oh.” Garnet turns her head to gaze condescendingly in your direction. Well, you can’t see her entire face, but you just know she’s gazing condescendingly. You can tell.
“Oh, Steven...” Pearl sighs. “I’m sorry we left you alone for so long. Are you okay? How are you feeling?”
“Pretty cold,” Steven answers.
“I’ll get you another blanket.”
Amethyst glares at you. “Yo, Peridot, you can get out of here now.”
“Are you going to fix him?”
“He’ll be fine,” Garnet says, brushing past you. “In a day or two, he’ll be completely recovered.”
“I told you!” Steven adds.
Pearl picks up the rag you dropped and presses it back to his head. “We’ll get you some medicine. I’m so, so sorry...”
“Peridot was really helpful,” Steven pipes up.
“Oh. That’s... nice.”
You run after Garnet. “Please, for the love of Homeworld, tell me what’s wrong with him!”
“He’s diseased,” she says. She opens a closet and begins calmly rummaging through it.
“And... he can be cured?!”
“Yes.”
You wrinkle your forehead. Why. Why couldn’t he tell you that. This whole thing could have been explained so simply. “I have a question,” you say, lowering your voice. “Why exactly bother curing him? He’s not such a valuable member of your team, is he?”
“Questions like that are why we can’t trust you.”
Garnet returns to Steven’s side and drapes another covering over him. “No!” you exclaim. “He doesn’t need more insulation, he’s going to—”
“YO, I SAID YOU COULD LEAVE!”
“Peridot,” Pearl sighs, “we have to let him sweat this out. I daresay we know how to care for humans better than you do.”
“But, but—”
“Bathroom’s that way.” Amethyst points.
“I know where it is!” You stomp down the stairs. Clearly you’re not welcome here.
“See you later,” Steven wheezes behind you.
You slam the door loud. Have you been panicking for nothing this whole time? Is this a normal human occurrence? Have you merely made a fool of yourself? Of course you have. Your pride has never been lower.
▽▽▽
You find yourself wandering back to Steven’s room to assess his condition once you decide that pacing around the length of the bathroom one more time will cause you to go insane. The sky is dark. Steven has returned to his stasis. And he isn’t alone.
The pearl perches at the foot of his bed, gazing at his face. Perhaps you should leave. If Pearl is keeping watch, he doesn’t need you here. Before you can scamper away, she looks up. “Peridot.”
“Mm. Nice night.”
Might as well join her. You walk up the stairs and stand at Steven’s side. “I just— well, I thought someone should be around to change his towel. Th-that’s why... I mean, I know he doesn’t like me watching him sleep anymore, but at least now I hope he can make an—”
“I don’t care.” You reach out and touch his cheek. You can’t tell if his temperature has changed. “Why do you three risk your lives to protect humans?” you ask. “Their race is so... fragile. I don’t get it.”
“Really,” says Pearl. “You’ve spent the entire day looking after Steven, and you really don’t understand why we protect humans?”
“Not in the slightest.”
Steven sighs. His chest rises and falls in a rhythm that’s almost calming. In this vulnerable state, even without your weapons, you could crush him in a moment. Anything could crush him.
But would you want that?
Would you want that anymore?
Something’s changed. And maybe, maybe you lied. Maybe on some level, you do understand.