Work Text:
Clay hated the finality of death. He hated the permanent state that was the end of a person’s life. One moment Hannah was alive with him, the next moment, she was gone forever. He would never see her beautiful and brilliant personality again, never laugh with her again, never hear him tell her that he loved her.
As Clay listened to Hannah’s tapes, he kept something that he was afraid of doing deep down inside of him back. He occupied his mind with thoughts of justice and setting things right with each tape he listened to. Clay’s quest for the truth and justice as he got further along with the tapes was really a way of blocking out an important part of life and death: grieving and mourning. Now that he had heard the final tape, gotten Bryce's confession, and handed the tapes over to Mr. Porter, Clay had nothing left.
Sure, today he’d rekindled his friendship with Skye as another act of setting things right, but there was still a mountain sized task for him to do that he’d been putting off for so long now. He needed to mourn Hannah’s death properly. There was no more escaping it.
He’d been in a state of numbness for too long.
Clay returned home from his impromptu time with Skye. He enjoyed it but now it was time to finally get something done. But Clay had no idea what to do and so turned to the internet for ideas. After a bit of searching, he found something that seemed like a good idea. Clay took out a sheet of paper and clicked his pen.
Dear Hannah,
I want to believe that somehow, someway you can read this or hear me. I’ve heard that writing letters to those who have passed on is a healthy way to mourn so I’m giving it a try.
I’m in pain, Hannah. I miss you so much. I wish that so much was different. I’ve listened to all of your tapes and feel so much pain inside. You were my best friend, Hannah and I feel so alone without you. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out what exactly happened to you, and tried to make things right. But I guess I haven't had the time to mourn properly, if there is such a thing, until now. I’m sorry if my writing is all over the place and comes off as rambling.
I’ve heard all of your 13 reasons why and I’m so sorry that I never took the time to listen to you during your last days. I was stupid and I regret that so much. But I don’t want to talk about all of that in this letter. I just want to tell you that I love you, Hannah. I always have. You’re brilliant, funny, smart, kind, beautiful, an amazing listener, a talented poet, and an amazing person. I’m honored to have known you. I’m so sorry that I never told you this properly when you were here. It feels like we’re separated by a distance of infinity now. I’m so sorry that I never wrote to you that summer, I hope you can forgive me. I just never thought that it would take your passing for me to write to you. Again, I’m so sorry, Hannah. I’ll never forget you. I’ll always remember the good times we had. I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again but I want to believe that you’re somehow able to know just how much you meant to me.
I hope you’ve found the peace you were looking for, wherever you go next.
Goodbye, Hannah.
Your friend forever,
-Clay
The teenage boy put down his pen and stared at what he had just written. Clay read it over to himself a couple times before tucking the letter into an envelope. He sealed it up and wrote “To: Hannah From: Clay” on the back of the envelope, and placed it on his shelf.