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I stand, watching the snow fall softly to the ground, like the day Jedediah and I became companions instead of enemies. A soft smile on my lips
"The snow is appealing, isn't it?" The booming voice of one of the newer exhibit members calls out. How did they even get near without me realizing?
"Y-yes, I suppose so" turning to look at them I see it is the westward traveler. "What brings you here?" I ask they still glance at the snowfall in front of them "company, I suppose" they respond
"Company? Don't you have your exhibit members? What company could a miniature such as myself bring to you?" They close their eyes for a moment "anything can be of company to anyone, you just have to find it"
Moments pass before either of us speak, it is i who breaks this silence “the snow is wonderful, i have fond memories of it” a smile forms “in this life or in the one before?” they ask “this one, before i am unaware” they hum in response, “its lovely, i dont recall having any fond memories of snow, but its appealing to the eye”
I nod “the day jedediah and i became companions, there was snowfall the night before. It still remained on that day” i feel heat creep to my face, in which way i am not sure. “You and jedediah were not always friends?” they say, surprised but still not turning my way.
A heavy sigh makes its way out of my lungs “no, we fought. For many years we despised each other” an amused chuckle comes out of the traveler “thats funny, i would have thought that you had been friends since you first awoke had you not told me” this brings a smile to my face “we
are
close, arent we?”
I close my eyes, i dare not confront these feelings again. We are companions and that is all we will ever be. Even if it brings disappointment. “When are you going to confess, then?” they ask, my eyes snap open and i turn to them, a smug grin on their face “confess- confess what?!” i ask, embarrassment burns on my face, was i really that obvious?!
“Your feelings, your deeper ones for him” its said so slowly i almost forget my embarrassment completely, wanting to finally say it aloud “i-...” a breath and a roll of my shoulders help stabilize me, im a roman general, i should act like one “i only view jedediah as a friend” They bark out a laugh
“Yeah! And i own a mansion in Hawaii, nice try” another sigh comes out “im….i cant” i start “he only views me as a friend, and his culture….they do not….take well to…to people like me” its true, ive heard stories. Maybe its not as bad in our museum but i cant risk that
They look out upon the snow once more “.....have you heard the tale of the greek hero, achilles?” i nod, i have. Teenagers mistaking me for a greek, spouting words of zeus and hera before realizing its not reality. My own soldiers having to tell me to stop these feelings before i drive myself insane like he did.
“....yes” i gaze at the snow once again, my heart feeling as cold as it is. “He killed many, he was driven insane over the grief of his lover” i feel their eyes turn to me “tell me, if jedediah had died in that hourglass by the pharaohs brother, would you have done the same?” turning the question over in my mind i feel my blood run cold, jedediah dying would be the worst thing i could go through, i might as well be dead myself, Achilies reached for his sword the second he saw his corpse, i believe myself to do the same. Seeing no life in the sapphirus eyes he wields
“I am only a miniature, i cannot do much” i give instead, shaking those dreadful images from my head “but if you could, if you were the size of me for example. Would you?” moments pass before i speak, i do not trust myself to talk without tears, soft footsteps can be heard from the museum echo’s “i would not put it beneath myself, if someone- as cruel as hector had been- ripped my beloved Jedediah from this life? Of course”
Its the truth, one i have bared over the last decade of my immortal life, and yet it took so long to come to its terms. “To his extent? Would pluto be aware of your grief? Would neptune have to stabilize the sea once again had your open wails shake it?” I was not aware they knew so much about our gods, or about the legend of Achilles himself. Its rhetorical, i am aware that Pluto would not care, Neptune would barely feel my tears and Juno would turn a blind eye, not only am i neither a demi-god nor the true Octavian but i am again, but a miniature.
And yet, the tears still fall from my face, my heart pounds in my ears and my skin crawls thinking of him. I fall to my knees, no mere miniature in a diorama may do that “please, dont make me think of that again” i plead, every nightmare, every glance at his wounds, every time we didnt talk presses on my chest. My brows furrow as i feel my throat get choked with this false sorrow i still hold.
“They had to hold him back, his wrath breaking fate itself did they not?” i finally sob out, anger washes over my grief, they seem distracted, they are no longer looking at me. “Yes, they did, zeus himself had to wield him back”. He had his wish in the end, to die and be with him. Ashes and souls betwixt, i shall never have that, not in this life even if he loved me the way i did him. “Then Jupiter be confined in fear knowing that there will be no way to deter his fate” i spit out, i send a quick prayer to him to have mercy upon me, that i am a coward and would never be able to hold that power.
I feel their eyes on me once again, but it seems different this time. They pity me yet they do not view me as pitiful “you truly do love Jedediah, dont you?” i scoff “have i not made it obvious? You are the only one who i have confided just how deep my infatuation goes, my men have warned me about this, saying that i may drive myself to Achilliean insanity and yet they do not know that i would follow in his footsteps in a heartbeat had Jedediah been hurt”
Silence settles between us like the snow of New York, a sigh is heard from the traveler “then why do you not tell him?” shame rests itself on my features, i hold back from crying more, i still hear the roaring of my blood “have you seen him?” i whisper back, picking idly at my tunic, the part that he always calls a skirt. “His golden blonde hair, his eyes like sapphires, the way he talks dii mei! Its possible hes kin to venus herself! And then….me, with nothing to admire, a plain copy of every other roman, the westerners and romans alike know, there is nothing but humility to me” my eyes downcast
“ What in the sam hill are ya talkin’ about, boy?!” i hear a very familiar voice, but this time im filled with panic upon hearing it “oh jupiter, how much of that did he hear? How long has he been here? Who is he even with?!” i look over to the traveler, they set Jedediah down and walk off, i can hear two sets of footsteps so i know he hasnt been here the whole time but i still cannot know how much i need to take back, to explain, to hide with excuse
“Jed-” i try to start, but he wraps his arms around me and holds me to himself tightly “Octy dont you ever say that ‘bout yerself again, mkay?” he mumbles into my neck, i shiver at the feeling “how….how much of that did you hear?” i ask, my face feels like its been set on fire “dont matter right now, i need ya to promise me”
My eyes start to ache, i do not wish to lie to him “i…cant” i whisper, he pulls back and cups my face “why not, ‘Tavi?” the look on his face pains my heart, he looks so distraught and im the one causing this. “I cannot lie to you, my…..my friend” it feels like i’ve run my sword through my own heart, my words piercing it clean through. “Nope, no you ain’t givin’ me none of that horseshit today, i know damn well what i heard and it ain’t somethin’ you call just call me a pal for”
‘Do not cry do not cry do not cry’ i recite over and over in my brain, but of course i had to look into his eyes, and i could not stop the sob that came out. I try and give and explanation, voice cracking “im…im so….Jedediah i-”
My stumbled start of explaining was cut short by Jedediah pressing his lips to my own, out of instinct more than anything, i kiss back. Grabbing onto his vest i tug him forward, only breaking away once my lungs start to burn, i feel him brush my hair back “i love ya too, Octavius. I think i always have, but ya know me and i ain’t really one for bein’ the brightest heh” i move to hold his face in my hands “that does not matter to me now, just…kiss me to make up for it?”
And he does, maybe i do have something to admire.