Chapter Text
The first thing Namjoon noticed was Yoongi picking at his nails. He was sitting in the living room reading a magazine draped over his tucked-up knees, which is something that should have meant he was relaxing - he wasn’t working or paying bills or something, so clearly more was on his mind than just Architectural Digest. The picking could mean a bunch of things. Maybe his boyfriend was a little nervous or anxious, or he had something on his mind that he hadn’t found the words for yet. Then he started biting them, and Namjoon saw a few little red, irritated spots where he had torn off hangnails with his teeth. So, knowing by now that redirection worked better than nagging, Namjoon simply brought him a drink in a big mug (the one with the slightly crackly glaze that Yoongi liked to run his fingertips over).
“Mm, thanks Joon,” Yoongi said absently, shifting in his seat so he could comfortably wrap one hand around the mug and use the other to flip the pages of the magazine.
⁂
Much later that day, Namjoon was already in bed, scrolling on his phone, while Yoongi was still up and puttering around. Then Hoseok sent him a message, some ridiculous YouTube compilation he wanted Namjoon to watch. So Namjoon opened it up and gamely started it playing, not sure what he was in for. People reacting to other video snippets, apparently. It played on, context switching rapidly, people laughing loudly, animals noises, car noises, bangs and thuds and music.
Namjoon was dimly aware of Yoongi coming in to their bedroom and heading to the bathroom to get himself ready for bed, in the background while the video kept playing on his phone. That one ended, and fair enough to Hoseok, it had been pretty amusing. So he let YouTube play another video, much the same as the first, from the same channel.
And in the room with him, Yoongi came padding out of the bathroom, threw his clothes on the ground and pulled his usual soft, loose sleepwear on. He came and lingered next to his side of the bed for a moment and then - in an unusual departure from his standard bedtime routine - turned around and left the room again. Namjoon wasn’t quite aware of this as it was happening, though. It wasn’t until Yoongi walked back out again that his awareness was pulled away from his phone, and he replayed back the last few minutes of subconscious observations, and he frowned to himself. First, that he had missed his chance to ogle Yoongi while he changed into pajamas (which he usually did), and secondly that Yoongi had left again. He was a creature of habit, and generally once he had brushed his teeth and changed out of his daytime clothes it would take something on the level of a fire alarm to pry him out of the grip of his warm, comfortable bed.
Perhaps he had just forgotten to grab something, or wanted a last-minute drink of water. Namjoon went back over to Hoseok’s message and finally replied to him with a laughing emoji. Then he went back to reading the ebook he had loaded up, which he had been before Hoseok had sent the link.
Yoongi didn’t come back in. Namjoon tossed his phone aside and threw back the covers and levered himself over, then went out in search of his boyfriend.
Yoongi was sitting curled up on one side of the couch in the living room, illuminated by a single lamp. Namjoon had foolishly not put his glasses back on, so he couldn’t see his facial expression from where he was.
“Babe?” he asked, walking closer. “Don’t you want to come to bed?”
Yoongi paused a moment before he answered.
“I was just- are done with that video?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, yeah,” Namjoon answered, feeling a little behind. “Done with it. Hoseok sent it to me.”
“K,” Yoongi replied, and then to Namjoon’s relief he stood up and turned off the lamp.
Just a moment later, they were lying side by side in bed. Well, Yoongi was sitting up a bit, upper back propped up against the headboard. Namjoon, acting on impulse, scooted over to the middle of the bed so that he could be pressed up against Yoongi even though he was just lying flat on his back as the two of them read on their phones side-by-side. Yoongi made a little humming noise. Then Namjoon wiggled closer yet, working his head all the way up onto Yoongi chest. Yoongi made a slightly more aggravated huffing noise but didn’t move away.
Then, he realized that from where his head was resting, he could feel Yoongi’s heartbeat pounding in his chest, far faster and harder than it should have been for just lying in bed. Namjoon jerked himself around and looked at Yoongi in concern, putting his hand on Yoongi’s chest.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked gently. “Your heartbeat is way up.”
“S’nothing,” Yoongi grumbled, squirming unhappily underneath Namjoon’s touch.
Namjoon removed his hand. He was aware that Yoongi found certain sensations - specific textures, sounds, motions - overwhelming and upsetting at times, but it was unpredictable even to himself. Sometimes things wouldn’t bother him at all, and other times - particularly if he were already feeling upset or fragile about something else already - then even something small could drown out everything else in unpleasantness.
“It’s ok,” Namjoon said, lying back down next to Yoongi and looking up at him, “you can tell me. I’d like to know.”
“I just didn’t want to hear the loud- the laughing, the talking, the, the screeching and everything,” Yoongi blurted out, gesturing with his hands in front of his body to try to convey his disgust. “Just too much. I know you were enjoying it, I’m sorry.”
“Ah,” Namjoon said understandingly, “you could have just asked me to put on headphones.”
“Well, it’s just,” Yoongi said, unfortunately only getting more upset and starting to tear up, “you had never done that before. I thought we agreed only calm and soothing sorts of stuff at bedtime, not loud videos on speaker. So I just, it was too much, and I couldn't think of a way to say anything without blowing up and overreacting.”
He sniffled miserably and Namjoon felt guilty.
“You’re right,” he said. “It was my fault, I just clicked on the video without thinking.”
“I know I’m making a big deal out of something that’s not a big deal,” Yoongi said angrily, rubbing his eyes.
“If it’s something that’s going to make you want to not even be in the same room as me, then I want to know!” Namjoon protested. “I would rather jettison my phone into space than have it be the reason you’re not here to be cuddled.”
Yoongi just grumbled guiltily.
“C’mere,” Namjoon said coaxingly, “I wanna spoon you. I’m glad you told me. You can tell me things like that anytime, okay? It’s a reasonable request to not want anything loud or non-soothing in the bedroom, and I was wrong to forget our agreement on that. You’re not wrong to ask me to stick to it. Just yell put your headphones on goddammit! any time at all, in fact, and I will. ”
Yoongi chuckled a little wetly but scooted down and let himself be wrapped up in Namjoon’s arms, his back pressed into Namjoon’s chest.
“Don’t wanna yell,” Yoongi whispered back.
“Fine, just send me a headphone or mute emoji or something then,” Namjoon muttered into the soft, fragrant hair on the top of Yoongi’s head, as he continued to settle them fully into a spooning position. “There, now you can keep looking at Instagram while I cuddle you - we’ve reached peak multi-tasking.”
“Architectural Digest posted this really cool mint-green fireplace,” Yoongi murmured back, tilting his phone so Namjoon could get a peek at it.
“That is cool,” Namjoon agreed. “Love you.”
“Love you too,” Yoongi murmured back.
So Namjoon smiled into Yoongi’s hair, and felt Yoongi’s heartbeat slow back down underneath the gentle hand he held against his chest, and Yoongi looked at pictures of staircases and window treatments and the occasional cat, in the dark and the silence and the warmth.