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“Poor Eve, there’s nothing to do. Your friend is going to die” - Carmilla’s voice reverberates in his head, loud and clear. Her tone is eerie and playful, as if she’s talking about something trivial like the weather.
“I’m going to save Guil… Or at least give him more time. He needs it, Ange needs it” - he tries to sound confident, but his voice is shaky, and his breath is pained.
He shakes away her voice, uncertain of how she has reached him in the first place. Eve didn’t consume any Ketchup that he’s aware of. Carmilla can’t take his body.
His mind wanders again to the rooftop where Guil laid unconscious next to Ange, the stripes of red had grown from the last time he saw them. He stares in a mixture of anger, sadness and something he can’t quite grasp... Hard to understand… Or accept? He’s not sure which.
Guil had talked of being open about his feelings many times in the 10 years they have been together, giving him warm smiles and encouraging him with bits of his past. Both vampires knew that trauma would grow heavier by the decade if left alone.
“You don’t deserve him” - Carmilla chuckles.
Eve feels his blood boil, knowing the nature of the Princess, she’s taunting him. He relaxes his tight closed fists, when did he…? He shakes his head again, harder, to try and still the surrounding forest.
Then opens his eyes and stops. Out of breath, it takes a second to understand that the sounds he’s hearing is his own panting, Eve was running. Hands trembling at his sides, his knees falter, and he falls on top of fallen leaves. What’s wrong with him? When did he leave the house? Why was he running?
“From fear, my sweet boy” - her tone is light, like talking to a small child ready to cry their eyes out - “Because you know my words are true”.
“Shut up” - Eve’s voice cracks, his eyes glistened with tears - “Shut up!” - he strikes the ground with a fist and the forest trembles under the sheer power, leaves flowing in the air around him.
Taking a deep breath, he shudders. Carmilla is not taking him, her voice is not really there, it’s someone else. He knows it’s not her. He knows. Pressing his hands together in a prayer motion, he tries to clear his thoughts, but instead he shakes violently with an exhaustion that took him by surprise.
Eve feels like he’s dying.
Everything is black, the ground beneath him disappears, the noise fades to silence. He swears he’s trying to take a breath, he’s gasping for air, but he can’t hear his own struggles. Nothing comes from him.
He can’t speak, can’t breathe, can’t think. He wants to cry out for help. Guil.
Tries to say his name, over and over again, until something startles him back to reality. He’s screaming, his own voice deafening his ears. No actual words, only pained cries and slurred attempts to say ‘ I’m sorry ’.
Did Carmilla take his body?
“She’s not here” - the voice, whose tone is now different to the Princess’, answers.
Eve can breathe again, slowly, and it hurts. There’s a thick fog in his brain that doesn’t seem to leave, and his mouth feels dry. He claws at the ground for support, curling on himself when his arms give out. The tears flow from his face and taint the dirt dark under him. He can’t stop them, he’s too exhausted. Too broken. Vulnerable.
At last, the panic attack has subsided.
He hugs himself, the fogginess slowly clearing a bit. Slightly aware of his surroundings, Eve notices how cold the wind feels, the darkness, it’s night.
There’s a flash of light, the rumbling of thunder, and droplets of rain mix with his tears in the soil.
“Nobody is coming” - the voice announces, sadly.
“I know” - he has always dealt with everything on his own, the panic attacks and meltdowns that get to him when he needs to go out and kill his own kin, to avoid becoming a monster.
“Maybe, we are already one” - the voice mumbles, quiet and soft.
And Eve realizes that all this time it was his own voice, masked as Carmilla, telling the truths of his mind. What he really thinks.
“Maybe” - he replies to himself, standing up and feeling the cold harsh rain on his body.
He’ll wait some hours before going back to Guil’s house, nobody needs to know about what he’s dealing with. Eve isn’t sure if he deserves support. Monsters surely don’t.