Work Text:
Atsushi wakes up in a cold sweat. Kyoka is awake by the time he gets to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. She stands in the doorway when he lifts his head.
“Bad dream?” she asks knowingly.
Atsushi nods mutely and grabs the towel to dry his face.
“Was it Dazai again?”
Atsushi laughs humourlessly. “I almost wish it was.”
“Who, then?”
Atsushi follows Kyoka out of the bathroom and sits at the foot of her futon. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Atsushi,” she says with a tired sigh, “we talked about this. You can’t get through it on your own.”
“It was Akutagawa.”
“Oh.”
Atsushi looks down and picks at the hem of his pants. “It feels like it should feel wrong.”
Kyoka sighs again. “He died, Atsushi. Right in front of you. And the next thing you knew, he was an almost mindless vampire. You never did get to process what happened. It’s only natural that it would eventually become one of the things that haunt you.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Atsushi asks tiredly. “It’s not like Dazai. I can’t just walk into a hospital room and find Akutagawa there, alive and recovering.”
“Well, who said you can’t pay him a visit?”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“I’m sure he’s still as nocturnal as I recall. He’ll probably be up.”
Atsushi shakes his head. “I think I’d rather talk to you about it. All things aside, I don’t think Gin would appreciate me ringing the doorbell at this hour.”
Kyoka shrugs. “Well, talking helps, so I suppose this is good enough. Do you want to tell me about it?”
Atsushi shakes his head. He’s not about to unload that pack of horrors on her, not when she has her own to contend with.
“Tell me something else, then. If you are unwilling to talk about your nightmare, you should probably try to find a distraction.”
Atsushi wracks his brain for something that isn’t tainted by blood. Anything will do, really. He just needs one good thing.
“I am seventy percent sure that Ranpo has a partner,” Kyoka eventually says.
Bingo.
Atsushi’s eyes widen. “You’ve noticed it too? The way he doesn’t look quite as somber as he did when everything first began to settle?”
Kyoka nods eagerly. “Today, at work, I smelled something odd. I know what perfumes some of our coworkers wear and I know what their soaps and shampoos smell like, too. Ranpo usually either smells of whatever candy he’d recently eaten or some kind of strawberry soap. It may be a children’s shampoo. But today, when I went to ask him for advice on my case, he smelled . . . expensive.”
“Expensive,” Atsushi repeats. “How does a person smell expensive?”
“By wearing an expensive perfume. Except I don’t think Ranpo has any expensive perfumes. He doesn’t seem like the type to care much for perfume in the first place. See, I think that someone else who may have an interest in expensive perfumes may have been wearing it and . . . well, whatever they get up to is their business but I am seventy percent sure that Ranpo smelled like whatever perfume his partner wears today.”
“I didn’t even notice.”
“Well, obviously. You perpetually have your nose buried in a cup of coffee.”
“It keeps me awake and focused,” Atsushi says defensively.
Kyoka gives him a dismissive wave. “It’s irrelevant. If you pay attention tomorrow, I believe you will be able to smell it, too. After all, you do have a tiger’s nose.”
Atsushi latches on to this conversation with both hands. It’s silly and childish, but maybe that’s what he needs to be able to go back to sleep. “Do you think it’s someone we know?”
“I’m not sure. I didn’t recognise the perfume.”
“Ugh, but Ranpo knows so many people. Not to mention, what if he just borrowed someone’s shirt? Or it’s like one of the cases I accompanied him on and the victim was so happy that her stalker was apprehended that she hugged Ranpo so hard he almost turned blue. It could just be something like that.”
“The hickeys he forgets to cover up beg to differ.”
“Fascinating,” Atsushi says. “I wonder if we’ll find out.”
They talk for a bit longer, their conversation straying to the rest of their friends until Atsushi is yawning and getting shoved into his futon as he apologises to Kyoka for waking her up.
Akutagawa is wide awake when he hears a knock at his apartment door. Only to keep the unexpected visitor from waking the entire apartment building up, he gets up to open the door. He doesn’t know who he was expecting to see, but it wasn’t the weretiger.
“You’re alive,” Atsushi says on a heavy exhale. “Good. That’s good. I’m sorry for waking you.”
Bewildered, Akutagawa watches Atsushi turn around to leave. He uses Rashomon to grab the back of Atsushi’s sleep shirt. “What are you doing here?”
Atsushi darts his eyes around, as if trying to find somewhere to settle his gaze that isn’t Akutagawa. “Nothing. Just checking up on you.”
“That isn’t something you just do, so I am going to ask you again and I expect a proper answer. What are you doing here?”
Atsushi fidgets with his hands. “I . . . I had a nightmare and I didn’t want to wake Kyoka.”
“A nightmare,” Akutagawa states. “And what gave you the impression that I could be of any assistance?”
“Well, it was about you, so just seeing that you’re alive and I haven’t deluded myself into believing that you are is good enough.”
Akutagawa stares at Atsushi.
“Um . . . could you — could you let go of me?”
Akutagawa doesn’t think the mere sight of him would do the trick. He’s not really one for kind gestures but the weretiger’s face was the first one he saw after finally resurfacing from the clutches of that awful ability and try as hard as he might, he cannot get the stricken expression to leave his mind.
“It’s late,” Akutagawa says, dragging Atsushi into the apartment with Rashomon and closing the door again. “You can leave at first light.”
Atsushi doesn’t argue, which only further cements Akutagawa’s suspicion that merely seeing him alive is not good enough for the weretiger. Atsushi likes to be stubborn. This meekness is unlike him.
Akutagawa puts Atsushi in his own room and goes back to the couch. From the open sliver of the door, he can hear Atsushi snoring softly already.
He eventually falls asleep himself, not without worrying that Gin will be upset to find him on the couch in the morning.
He does not wake up to Gin being upset that he slept on the couch, for when he and Gin get up at the same time, it’s to the smell of breakfast and the sight of Atsushi at the stove.
“What are you doing?” Gin asks, a little too tired to be wary of Atsushi in their home.
“Ah, I thought I’d make breakfast for everyone since your brother let me stay the night.”
Gin looks at Akutagawa, as if to ask what Atsushi is talking about. Akutagawa gives them a small shrug. That must be all they need to figure it out, because they nod once and understanding evens their expression out — only for it to jump right back to bewildered at Atsushi’s question.
“How does Tachihara like his eggs?”
“What?” Gin asks.
Atsushi glances at Gin, then Akutagawa, then back at Gin. “Well, I don’t think either of you have two sets of lungs so I can only assume that the third person’s breathing did, in fact, belong to a third person. Is it not Tachihara? I assumed it was.”
“No, it is,” Gin says slowly. “I just . . . you can hear other people’s breathing?”
“Only when it’s quiet or if I try really hard.”
“That’s . . . kind of cool, actually. Uh, can you scramble it for him? It’s easier for him to eat it like that.”
Atsushi nods. “Sure,” he says and turns back to the stove.
Gin looks at Akutagawa and nods their head towards the balcony. Akutagawa follows them.
“What is he doing here?” Gin hisses the moment Akutagawa closes the sliding door.
“What was I supposed to do? Kick him out? He looked like a wet cat!”
“I know that much!” Gin gestures wildly. “I meant, why is he making breakfast?”
“How should I know? I woke up when you did. Maybe he’s trying to pay rent.”
“He’s staying?! For how long?”
Akutagawa folds his arms defensively. “Until he feels better. He brought me home, Gin. I don’t know if I like him at all, but I owe him. You owe him for me. He didn’t have to ask the butterfly detective to help me, but he did. I can’t . . . I can’t just turn him away when I am what plagues his dreams.”
Gin huffs. “I know.”
“Besides. Tachihara could use some human interaction outside of you and I. Maybe the weretiger can annoy him into wanting to go outside for once.”
Gin slaps Akutagawa’s arm not too gently. “Don’t be rude. He doesn’t have to go outside if he doesn’t want to.”
“Wh- so your partner can hole himself up in our apartment but mine can’t? That’s a little unfair.”
“My partner was blinded. Yours is just traumatised like the rest of us.”
“Ah, but your partner didn’t have to see your corpse at any point in his life.”
Gin puffs their cheeks out. “This is not a competition.”
“It is and I’m winning.”
“You don’t get a trophy for having more trauma than me!”
“I should.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“You’re the one that wants to kick the wet cat out. He’s just a silly little animal, Gin, how could you be so cruel?”
Gin glares at Akutagawa. “At least I don’t call him a wet cat.”
The two of them pause when the sliding door opens, expecting Atsushi to say something along the lines of breakfast being ready, or to ask Gin to wake Tachihara up. What he says makes them both want to jump over the balcony.
“You do know I can hear you out here, right?”
Neither of them say anything.
“For the record, if having trauma were a competition, I think I’d be the winner.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Akutagawa says.
“Between the three of us, who’s the one that actually saw their dead partner walking around brainwashed and unable to even speak?”
Gin opens their mouth to argue, then closes it.
“That’s what I thought. Breakfast is ready.”
“I’ll eat with Tachihara in his room,” Gin says. “He doesn’t like to be fed in front of anyone else.”
Atsushi nods. “Sure. I put it all on a tray for you already.”
Akutagawa watches Gin slip back into the apartment before looking at Atsushi and noticing the very slight amusement on his face. “You are a menace.”
“Laughing at you is better than having nightmares about you.”
“I suppose,” Akutagawa says, following Atsushi to the table. “What did you make for breakfast?”
“Patience, you lawnmower.”
“Wh- I have not lawnmower-d anyone in well nearly a year!”
Atsushi chuckles. “Oh, I know.”
Atsushi leaves after breakfast. He makes a pit stop at the dorm to shower and change before he heads to work.
Ranpo keeps glancing in his direction every few minutes. Eventually, Atsushi meets his gaze.
“You look well,” Ranpo says when he gets caught.
“I slept well,” Atsushi says with a grin.
“Hm.”
“You’re chipper today,” Kunikida notes.
“Yes, well, we’re all still alive. Dazai is coming back next week. The Port Mafia transfer deal with Mori fell through. I’m happy.”
Kunikida hums. “That’s good. It’s nice to see you smile.”
That, of course, makes Atsushi smile.
When the work day comes to an end, Kyoka catches Atsushi by his sleeve before he can start towards the dorms.
“Is everything okay?” he asks gently.
“You look really good today,” Kyoka says. “Your eyes are brighter. You fought with Akutagawa, didn’t you?”
Atsushi shakes his head quickly. “No! No, I didn’t fight —”
“I don’t mean like that. I mean . . . you argued? Had a silly fight? He probably called you an ugly cat or something and you probably called him some stupid name. Bicker is the word I think I’m looking for.”
“Oh. Then, yes, I did fight with Akutagawa.”
Kyoka nods. “I think you should do it again.”
Atsushi tilts his head.
“You looked really alive today. I like seeing you like this. If spending time around Akutagawa eases your nightmares, then I think maybe you should spend more time with him. Maybe stay the weekend if he doesn’t mind.”
Atsushi thinks about it.
“If I have a nightmare, Yosano will let me room with her.”
“I’ll think about it,” Atsushi tells her.
He really did mean to think properly about it. He meant to take a few days. Maybe to decide on how to admit it all to Akutagawa, but when he wakes up in the middle of the night, his body moves on autopilot and he’s already knocking on the door before he realises.
Akutagawa is awake again. He opens the door and stares at Atsushi for a long moment before sighing and stepping inside to let him in.
“You can sleep in my room again,” Akutagawa says.
“But what about you? The couch can’t have been that comfortable.”
“It isn’t. I will sleep in Gin’s room.”
“But what about Gin, then?”
“They are sleeping on a futon in the spare room tonight. Tachihara is . . . not doing well.”
“I see. Are you going to sleep right now?”
Akutagawa shrugs. “Why?”
“I don’t think I can fall asleep. Could we just talk about something for a bit?”
Akutagawa seems to think it over. “Make me tea.”
Atsushi nods. “Sure.”
When the tea is made, they sit out on the balcony so that their voices do not disturb Gin and Tachihara. They both know that the chances of a small conversation turning into an argument are high and it’s best if they argue outside.
“Kyoka texted me,” Akutagawa admits. “This morning. I was unaware she had my number.”
“Oh?” Atsushi blows on his tea to cool it a bit. “What did she say?”
“She thanked me for letting you stay the night.”
“She told me to stay the weekend if you’d allow it.”
“I was surprised. I didn’t think she would find it appropriate.”
“Well, she’s always been good at compartmentalising. Your behaviour towards her and me are different. She can see that.”
Akutagawa hums.
“What’s it like? Dying?”
“It’s . . . odd. I thought it would hurt more. It was kind of peaceful. Quick. Felt like falling asleep, maybe?”
Atsushi tilts his head. “You almost had your head cut off completely and it was like falling asleep?”
“It was probably shock. I was more focused on ensuring that you got away, though. What good was that entire encounter if you didn’t get away to spread the truth? I think I may have dreamed for a bit.”
“What did you dream about?”
Akutagawa looks at the twinkling lights of the city against the dark sky. “Something that felt like home.”
Atsushi takes a sip of his tea.
“Did you grieve me, weretiger?” Akutagawa asks. He looks genuinely curious.
“I didn’t have a chance to,” Atsushi says honestly. “But I think I would have, had you not been turned.”
“Really?”
“Spin it however you like, but you gave your life for me. I would have grieved my partner, at the very least.”
“I see.” Akutagawa takes a sip of his tea. “You make tea like you’ve never tasted it before.”
Atsushi scowls, but he doesn’t feel all that annoyed. “Yeah? Next time make your tea yourself.”
Akutagawa scoffs. “I will have to educate you. This is ridiculous. Ane-san would skin you for this tea.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t make tea for her, then.” Atsushi sticks his tongue out at Akutagawa.
“Stick your tongue out at me again and I will chop it off.”
Atsushi thinks about risking it, but decides to just laugh instead.
When they finish their tea, Atsushi flops down on the bed and sleeps the rest of the night away in dreamless peace.
Atsushi has never interacted much with Tachihara before. In fact, he doesn’t think he’s ever actually spoken to Tachihara before.
When he woke up, it was to a note on the nightstand that said Akutagawa would be out with Gin — there was no reason written down — and that Atsushi should stay out of Tachihara’s way unless Tachihara wanted to talk, but also keep an eye on Tachihara and order food for lunch. Akutagawa’s card laid beside the note. Atsushi thinks it’s sweet that Akutagawa trusts him not to steal his card and go on a shopping spree, and that Gin trusts him to feed their best friend.
Atsushi didn’t think Tachihara would want to speak to him, but he supposes the silence is no fun.
“Why are you here?” Tachihara asks when he feels his way into the kitchen and hears Atsushi making coffee for himself.
“I sleep better when I can check up on the subject of my nightmares,” Atsushi says. Then, just because he’s curious, he asks, “Why are you here?”
“I’m blind and it terrifies me and Gin is the only person I feel safe around. I know this apartment like the back of my hand. It’s comfortable here.”
Atsushi nods, then remembers that Tachihara cannot see him. “I see.”
“But I do not.”
Atsushi stares at Tachihara for a moment before a snort slips out. He claps a hand over his mouth and stops it short.
Tachihara grins. “You found that funny? Gin doesn’t find it funny.”
“I take it this means I’m allowed to laugh at blind jokes?”
“Only if I make them.”
Atsushi nods again. “I see.”
“But I do no- I am so sorry. It’s such a bad joke.”
Atsushi hums. “Once, during a mission, I misplaced a limb. When Tanizaki asked if I could give him a hand, I . . . literally gave him my hand. He didn’t find it as funny as I did. I make the same joke every single time it happens even though only Kenji finds me funny. I think it’s a coping mechanism.”
“I see,” Tachihara says.
Atsushi bites down on his lips.
“Are you quiet because you want to make the joke?”
“Mhm.”
“Hm. If your first blind joke makes me genuinely laugh, I will allow you to make more. But only if it makes me laugh.”
“Even if it’s stupid?”
“The criteria is to make me laugh without offending me. The intelligence behind it is immaterial.”
“I see — do not say it.”
Tachihara grins. He sniffs. “Is that coffee?”
“It is.”
“Can you make me a cup?”
“Sure. Sweet? Milk?”
“Sweet milk? What’s that supposed to be?”
“I’m asking if you want your coffee sweet and with milk.”
“Oh. Sweet, no milk. I’ll be at the table.”
Atsushi hums and watches Tachihara turn to leave.
Tachihara pauses at the counter and turns back. “I expected you to offer assistance getting there.”
“Do you want assistance?”
“Not particularly.”
“Thought so. I figure you will ask if you want it.”
Tachihara tilts his head. “You’re a strange one, weretiger.”
“In a good way or a bad way?”
“Mm, yet to be decided.”
Atsushi grins. “I’ll bring you your coffee.”
He makes Tachihara’s cup quickly and joins Tachihara at the table.
“Sweet, no milk,” he says, placing the cup in Tachihara’s hand.
“Thank you.”
Atsushi watches him lift the cup slowly. “To the left a little.”
“Thanks.”
Atsushi smiles. “You’re welcome.”
“You’re very strange,” Tachihara says when he sets the cup down on the table again.
“Have you decided whether that’s good or bad yet?”
“I think it’s good.”
“Then I don’t mind being strange.”
“You’re not curious about why?”
“Not particularly.”
“I see.”
“Do you really?”
Tachihara blinks at Atsushi.
(Atsushi had been wondering if Tachihara could do that, but he didn’t feel it was within his rights to ask.)
Then, quite suddenly, he snickers. “That was horrible.”
“It just slipped out. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I like silly jokes. They’re funnier when you don’t mean to make them. I suppose you’ve earned yourself the privilege to make blind jokes.”
“What if I make an offensive one?”
“Then I’ll tell you and you won’t make it again. You don’t strike me as someone who’d do it on purpose.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Tachihara lifts his cup again.
“Left,” Atsushi says.
“Thanks.”
They drink their coffee in silence, save for Atsushi’s directions now and then, and when they’re done, Atsushi picks up both cups.
“Are you busy at all today?” Tachihara calls. “Do you work on Saturdays?”
“No, why?”
“Gin’s going to be gone a while and I’ll get bored if I’m left alone.”
Atsushi sets the mugs aside to drip dry and wipes his hands on a dishcloth before returning to the table. “Well, is there something you want to do?”
Tachihara sighs. “I used to like to read whenever I got bored.”
Atsushi has never spoken to Tachihara before today, so he’s not really sure what’s allowed — other than blind jokes, apparently — but he’s sure this is something he can offer without coming across as offensive.
“I could read to you, if you want. Like an audiobook.”
Tachihara tilts his head slightly. “Now, why would you offer to do that?”
Atsushi shrugs even though Tachihara can’t see it. “I get bored easily. If I read to you, I won’t get bored of the book.”
“Okay. I hope you have a good storytelling voice. Akutagawa’s books are on the shelves next to the TV. On the left. Gin’s games are on the right.”
Atsushi walks over to the shelf and scans the titles. “Can I pick anything?”
“Mhm.”
Atsushi grabs a book whose spine is a pretty amber colour. He turns around to find Tachihara sitting on the couch. Atsushi sits beside him, a little away.
He opens the book and begins.
Gin and Akutagawa return with dinner to a mostly quiet apartment. Gin had half expected Atsushi to spark the same liveliness in Tachihara that he does in their brother and was fully prepared to come home to remnants of a food war or something.
Instead, when they venture in while Akutagawa locks up, they find Tachihara resting his head against Atsushi’s shoulder while Atsushi reads aloud from one of Akutagawa’s books.
On silent footsteps, they rush back to the door and take the key from Akutagawa. They make a bit of noise jamming the key in the lock before pulling down on the handle hard enough to make it clink.
“We’re back,” they call out, giving the door a nudge and letting it close again on its own.
Akutagawa stares at them, puzzled.
“I’ll tell you later,” Gin whispers to him before they continue into the apartment. “We brought dinner. Nakajima, we bought chazuke for you to say thanks for the amazing breakfast.”
Atsushi and Tachihara are sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
Gin bites back a grin.
Cute.
Atsushi makes a weekend trip out of it. On Friday after work, he goes to the dorms with Kyoka and she helps him choose nice outfits for the weekend. Then he walks her to Kenji’s dorm — she likes staying the night with Kenji because he stays up late playing Mario Kart and Kyoka likes the challenge Kenji presents — and walks a block away from the dorms to where Gin has recently started waiting in a car.
He spends the weekend at Akutagawa’s apartment, sleeping on the spare futon in Gin’s room, mostly. He makes breakfast, Gin buys lunch and dinner is either home cooked by Gin and Atsushi or bought, depending on their mood. On Monday morning, Gin drops Atsushi off a block away from the agency and Atsushi works the week away before Friday comes again.
Without notice, two months go by.
It’s yet another Friday and Atsushi has finished his work early, but he likes walking with Kyoka, so he stays at the office. When his phone rings, he excuses himself and makes his way to the break room.
It’s always a gamble on who’s calling him. He has both Gin and Akutagawa’s numbers saved, but between the siblings and Tachihara, it’s anyone’s guess who picked up the first phone they found to call Atsushi. Even though it says Akutagawa on his screen, it could be any of them.
“Hel-”
“If we order takeout for dinner tonight, will you convince Gin to pick it up on your way?”
Ah. It’s Tachihara.
“I thought we were trying a new recipe for dinner tonight, though? Gin even texted to say they bought all the ingredients.”
“But Akutagawa and I are craving takeout,” Tachihara whines. “You can try your new recipe tomorrow night!”
“What kind of takeout?” Atsushi asks, giving in without much resistance.
“Pizza!”
Atsushi sighs. “Fine, but order one with pineapples.”
“Yes! You’re the best, thanks, bye!”
Atsushi blinks at the dial tone before he smiles and lowers his phone. Almost immediately, a text comes through from Akutagawa’s number with the order number and whose name it’s in — his own.
Cheeky little shits. They already ordered the food.
Atsushi huffs in amusement and pockets his phone before returning to the office to find Kyoka packing up.
“All done?” she asks.
“Mhm. Shall we go?”
The two of them bid the office goodbye and leave. Atsushi doesn’t see the way Ranpo watches him curiously.
“Who was that?” Kyoka asks as they step out of the building.
“Tachihara. He and Akutagawa ordered pizza even though Gin said we’d be cooking tonight so now I have to brave Gin’s wrath and inform them what Tachihara and Akutagawa did.”
Kyoka smiles.
“What?”
“It’s nice to hear you talk about them. They’re your friends. I like that you have friends.”
Atsushi smiles back. “You’re so sweet, you know that?”
Tachihara doesn’t leave the apartment. Atsushi knows this and so it is perfectly natural that he’s surprised by Tachihara’s request.
“You want to what?” Atsushi says, looking up from the groceries Gin had delivered that he’s packing away so they don’t have to do it when they get back.
“I want to go out for lunch. Gin said you have to feed me but they never specified that you have to cook or order in. I know Akutagawa left his card for you, so you can even take me to one of those expensive private restaurants to make sure none of your coworkers see you with a Port Mafia member and not worry about cost.”
“Y-you want to leave the apartment? With me? Not Gin?”
“Well, Gin’s not here, are they?” Tachihara says, sighing in exasperation.
“I don’t mind. I’m just surprised. You don’t ever seem to like the idea of going outside.”
“Yeah, because I can’t see. But I trust you.”
And oh, doesn’t that make Atsushi feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He likes being trusted.
“Okay, but you’re going to have to change,” Atsushi says, packing the cookie boxes in their cabinet. “I’m not walking around in public with you looking like that.”
Tachihara pouts. “It’s not my fault I can’t see what I’m wearing.”
“What, I have to take you out and dress you? Gosh, you’re like a baby.” Atsushi chuckles with his teasing tone.
Tachihara doesn’t say anything, so Atsushi turns away from the cabinet to look at him.
“Tachihara?”
“I didn’t like that,” Tachihara says quietly.
Atsushi abandons the cookies and walks around the counter to the table where Tachihara is sitting. He sits on the other side of the corner. “Hey, you said you’d tell me if I offended you so I know not to do it again. You’re allowed to not like things. Was it the baby comment?”
Tachihara nods.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how that might sound.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“The way you feel isn’t something to dismiss like that.” Atsushi leans forward slightly. “You don’t have to feel guilty about telling me not to say something. It’s no fun teasing you if it hurts your feelings, understand?”
Tachihara tilts his head slightly. “But you and Akutagawa say things that sound mean to each other all the time and neither of you seem to mind it.”
“Well, you’re not either of us. I don’t say things that sound mean to Gin because they don’t like it. My friends at work don’t like it either. You’re not wrong for not liking it. You’re not me and you’re not Akutagawa. The way we joke with each other isn’t the standard. You know that, don’t you?”
Tachihara nods. “Sorry for ruining the mood.”
Atsushi chuckles. “I can always find something less sensitive to tease you about. Like the fact that you can’t sing for shit.”
“Hey!”
Atsushi smiles when Tachihara puffs his cheeks out like a blowfish and frowns. “See? All better. Let’s go and find something nice for you to wear, hm?”
Tachihara nods again, so Atsushi stands and waits for Tachihara to start walking first. Gin says it’s important for him to be able to find his way around the apartment on his own.
Tachihara sits on the bed while Atsushi rummages through the wardrobe.
“Do you remember owning a gray band shirt?”
Tachihara wrinkles his nose. “The one with all the red and white graphics?”
“Mhm.”
“That one’s itchy. There should be another gray shirt with yellow squiggles on it. I like that one.”
Atsushi hums and digs around for a moment. “Found it! Okay, I’m leaving it here with your jeans. I’m going to change too and I’ll wait for you in the living room. Sounds good?”
Tachihara nods.
Ten minutes later, they leave the apartment. The moment they step outside, Tachihara reaches out and takes a deep breath when he catches the hem of Atsushi’s shirt.
“Easy,” Atsushi says. “I’m not going to lose you in the middle of a street. Would you feel better if I let you hold my hand?”
Tachihara nods, so Atsushi locks the apartment door and pockets the keys before taking Tachihara’s hand and tugging gently. “The elevator is this way.”
“I can still walk up and down the stairs.”
Atsushi scoffs. “I’ll believe that when I see it. I’m not letting you fall down an entire flight of stairs after Gin left you in my care. We can do the stairs another day.”
Tachihara doesn’t say anything, but. When Atsushi glances at him, he’s grinning.
“What?”
Tachihara shakes his head. “You said another day.”
“You think this is a one time thing? I like being outside a little too much not to drag your ass out of the apartment again. Now, what are you hungry for?”
Gin and Akutagawa get home at the same time. Neither of them are surprised. Sometimes they both finish their work early enough to leave the mafia buildings before the sun starts to set. They always make sure to be done by sunset on the weekends, because Atsushi is more amusing when it’s bedtime and they both need a good dose of laughter at the end of the day.
Except when they enter the apartment, it’s empty.
Logically, they should both come to the conclusion that Atsushi and Tachihara have gone somewhere. Atsushi wouldn’t leave Tachihara alone and Tachihara wouldn’t wander out of the apartment alone.
But instead, they panic. For a good five minutes until Akutagawa remembers that he pretty much chipped Atsushi via the tracker Atsushi put his phone when he took Atsushi grocery shopping one weekend and lost Atsushi seven times in the produce section.
They follow the tracker to a park. It doesn’t take long to find Atsushi and Tachihara, walking along the pathways, even in the dark.
Atsushi looks surprised to see them.
“Are you two okay? You look like you’ve been running a marathon.”
“Where the fuck were you?” Gin hisses, grabbing Atsushi by the front of his shirt. “We thought you two went missing!”
Tachihara tilts his head. “I wasn’t aware we weren’t allowed to leave the apartment.”
“You don’t go anywhere,” Akutagawa says. “You never go anywhere. We were worried something happened.”
“Don’t you think I’d have texted if something happened?” Atsushi asks.
Gin shakes him. “You could’ve texted to say you were going out!”
“We’re not children,” Atsushi says. “We can take care of ourselves. We just wanted to eat out for once. Then we didn’t feel like going back yet. That’s all.”
Akutagawa notices that Tachihara has fallen suspiciously silent.
“Gin,” he says, “they’re allowed to go places.”
Gin looks at Akutagawa like he threw their favourite knife into an industrial mincer.
“Why don’t we eat out for dinner, too?” Akutagawa says, watching Tachihara. The distraction works and Tachihara seems to like that idea.
Later, Akutagawa will remind Gin that Tachihara already feels useless enough without being reminded that he can’t go anywhere alone.
Yet.
Somehow, Akutagawa has faith that Atsushi will teach Tachihara how to take care of himself again.
Atsushi starts taking Tachihara outside more often. He does notice that Tachihara never asks Gin to go outside with him, but he figures Tachihara has his own reasons.
They go to the park a lot. Tachihara says he likes it there. They usually go there after they have lunch somewhere, so there’s usually not many people around. Today, they’re there in the middle of the day.
There are a lot of kids running around and playing. More than once, Atsushi has to stop Tachiharavto avoid colliding with a child.
“Are a lot of people staring at me?” Tachihara whispers. “I feel like people are staring.”
Atsushi clicks his tongue. “I distinctly heard one child say you look like you fought Satan and won while pointing at your face. I assure you, they are not staring at you negatively.”
“But it feels . . . judgy.”
“Yes, because you’re holding my hand.”
Tachihara moves to pull his hand away, but Atsushi squeezes his hand gently.
“How am I supposed to guide you if you don’t hold on to me?” Atsushi glances at Tachihara. “We can leave if you want.”
“I like it here.”
“Then we stay. Hey, maybe if I kiss you, they’ll all look away.”
Tachihara scoffs. “You’re a menace.”
“It’s a core part of my personality, I think. Gin finds me endearing for it.”
“Gin thinks everything you do is endearing because you let them pet your head.”
“Jealous?”
Tachihara blinks. “No.”
Atsushi grins.
“I can hear your little shit-eating grin.”
Atsushi chuckles. “You blink when you lie.”
“I do not!”
“When you’re not focused, anyway. I’m sure you’re very good at lying when you pay attention.”
“Okay, I’ve had enough of you. Take me home, now.”
“Oh, wow, you’re awfully bold today.”
“Atsushi!”
Atsushi laughs. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it. The window was right there. Let’s get back, hm?”
“Thank God. You behave when Gin’s around, at least.”
“Because Gin scares the shit out of me.”
“What, and me and Akutagawa don’t?”
“Akutagawa folds like a wet paper towel if I give him praise. He’s kinda like Ranpo like that.”
“And me?”
“I’m still figuring you out. You interest me.”
“Oh.”
Tachihara is awake when Atsushi nudges the door open to check on him.
“I can hear you, you know,” Tachihara says.
Atsushi slips inside, closes the door and leans against it. “Something on your mind?”
Tachihara sits up. “I can’t get the feeling of people staring at me to leave my head. Atsushi. . .”
“Yes?” Atsushi says when Tachihara doesn’t continue.
“What do I look like?”
Atsushi crosses the room. “May I sit?”
Tachihara nods.
Atsushi sits cross-legged in front of Tachihara. “Are you asking me to tell you what I think when I look at you, or are you asking me what the scar looks like?”
“Both? I don’t know.”
“I think you’re pretty,” Atsushi says. “Those people from the park don’t matter.
“Bullshit. You think Akutagawa is pretty.”
“Well, he is. In a weird, sickly Victorian child kind of way. He certainly fits what comes to mind at the mention of a vampire. It’s pretty. But that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“Okay. Then tell me why you think I’m pretty.”
Atsushi takes a slow breath. “I think you have a pretty smile. When I make a really dumb joke and Gin will just roll their eyes in that weird way people do when they hear a toddler babble about nothing and Akutagawa just rolls his eyes, you find some of them funny and you don’t always laugh at them but you get this really nice smile. It’s a happy smile. It’s like it lights your whole face up and you just look so pretty when you smile like that.
“Sometimes you wake up earlier than I do and when I come down the hallway, I see you sitting at the table. I never know what you’re doing or what you’re thinking about, but there’s something about what a sunrise does to you that makes you look so soft and gentle. It’s like you’re glowing, like — like an angel, maybe? Don’t you dare laugh at me for that.
“And Gin is teaching you how to do things on your own and you get this really excited expression when you get it right and I just . . . watch. Like when you made your first cup of tea without burning yourself on the kettle or spilling any water or sugar and you jumped so high that you drove your knee into Gin’s ribs but everyone was just so happy because you were so happy. You looked so excited and you had this really big smile and you did the stupidest happy dance I’ve ever seen but you looked so cute doing it.
“You just are pretty. I think you’re pretty.”
Tachihara doesn’t say anything for a good few seconds.
“Sorry,” Atsushi says. “That was a lot.”
“Yeah. But — but it was nice to hear. No one’s ever called me pretty before. Not even before. . .” Tachihara pauses and gestures in the general direction of his face, “before this.”
“Well, you are.”
“I think you’re going to make me cry.”
“Oh, no, no, no. Don’t cry.” Atsushi reaches for Tachihara when he notices that there are, in fact, tears in the corners of Tachihara’s eyes.
Tachihara flinches when Atsushi’s fingers brush his skin and draws back.
Atsushi stills. “Sorry.”
“No! No, I’m just . . . it’s not pretty.”
“It’s a scar, Tachihara. None of them are ever pretty. But it doesn’t make you any less so. Not to me, at least.”
“Gin never touches my face.”
“Gin doesn’t want you to hide from them. I simply will not let you hide from me.”
When Atsushi reaches for Tachihara again, he flinches but he doesn’t pull away.
“It’s deepest here,” Atsushi says quietly, dragging his thumb over the damaged skin. “Here it’s thin and pale. This part isn’t noticeable from a distance. There’s still scabbing here.”
“What are you doing?” Tachihara asks, equally quiet.
“You asked me what you looked like.” Atsushi retraces the scarring. “It still looks like it hurts.”
“It doesn’t. Not the way you’re touching it.”
“Tachihara.”
“Hm?”
“I want to kiss you.”
“Oh.”
“May I?”
Tachihara is quiet for a moment. “Just once?”
“And again and again and again if you’ll let me. Every day. Whenever I think you look pretty — so, always.”
Tachihara smiles.
God, he’s so pretty.
“Yes.”
Tachihara cries when Atsushi kisses him. His hands move haltingly towards Atsushi, but then he grips the back of Atsushi’s shirt so hard that Atsushi thinks the fabric might be warped forever.
“Why are you crying?” Atsushi whispers.
“I don’t know.”
“It’s okay. Come here.”
Tachihara is pliant in Atsushi’s guiding hands, burying his face in Atsushi’s shirt when Atsushi guides Tachihara’s head to rest against his chest. He pulls on Atsushi’s shirt like it’s a lifeline, like he’s trying to ground himself.
“It’s okay,” Atsushi murmurs.
“Do you still think I’m pretty like this?”
“Yes.”
“Then will you kiss me again?”
“If that’s what you want.”
Atsushi raises his eyebrows. Ranpo continues to stare at him. “Can . . . I help you?”
“Something’s different about you.”
Atsushi glances down at himself before looking back up at Ranpo and tilting his head. “I don’t feel any different.”
“There’s something,” Ranpo insists. “I’ll figure it out.”
“Well, when you do, please let me in on it as well.”
Dazai snickers.
“I suppose you already know,” Ranpo tells Dazai, “Mr Atsushi Expert.”
Atsushi rolls his eyes and huffs in amusement.
Dazai gives Ranpo a sweet smile. “Of course. I know everything about our Atsushi.”
“I sincerely doubt that,” Kunikida says. “Last week, you brought milkshakes for everyone. Atsushi’s lactose intolerant.”
Dazai huffs. “That was one thing. Since then, I know everything.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s his favourite colour?”
“Silver!”
Kunikida makes an incorrect buzzer noise. “Wrong! It’s blue!”
“It’s actually pink,” Atsushi says.
Kunikida looks like Atsushi told him that his ideals were all morally horrible. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
“Since when?”
Atsushi shrugs. “No idea. It just is.”
“What kind of pink?” Tanizaki asks.
“Uh, you know when it’s sunrise and for a moment, the sky looks pink? That one.”
“Aww,” Yosano coos. She rests her chin in her hand, her elbow on the desk. “I had you pegged as a sunset person.”
Atsushi shrugs.
“Since when do you get up in time to see the sunrise?” Kyoka asks, raising her eyebrows.
“Wh- I wake up early!” Atsushi cries defensively.
“If you say so.”
“Strike that question from the record,” Dazai says, “because, apparently, none of us knew what Atsushi’s favourite colour is.”
“Okay, fine,” Ranpo says. “What’s Atsushi’s favourite hobby?”
“Easy!” Dazai says. “Atsushi likes experimenting with recipes.”
“Hm,” Kunikida says. “You get one point.”
“There are points?” Atsushi asks. “I didn’t know this was a competition. And for the record, I like reading more.”
“Since when?!” Dazai cries.
Atsushi shrugs again. “I’ve been reading Akutagawa’s books. I really enjoy them.”
“This is ridiculous,” Kunikida says. “Who here knew that Atsushi liked reading more than cooking?”
Kyoka and Kenji raise their hands.
“Okay, well, now it is a competition.”
Atsushi’s phone interrupts the conversation. It’s Akutagawa.
“Excuse me,” he says, standing and leaving the office. He answers as he closes the door behind him. “If you even looked at my blanket wrong, I will string you up like a piñata and beat you with your own broom.”
“Hello to you too,” Tachihara says, amused.
“Hello,” Atsushi says, his tone softening immediately.
“What blanket?”
“The one with pink hearts all over it.”
“Oh, the one Akutagawa keeps calling ugly? I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Good. I’ll rip the curtains if that little shit complains about my blanket ruining the apartment theme again.”
“I’ll have to protect your blanket from Akutagawa. Anyway, are you free tonight? Gin wants to play Trivial Pursuit and you know they throw pieces when they get questions wrong. I need a bodyguard.”
Atsushi laughs. “I’ll be there. Am I picking up dinner?”
“Gin says they’ll pick you and dinner up after work.”
“All right. I’ll see you after work.”
“See you!”
Tachihara hangs up halfway through telling Gin that Atsushi said he’ll be there.
When Atsushi walks back into the office, it’s silent.
“Where are you going after work?” Dazai asks, his curiosity getting the better of him.
“Akutagawa’s apartment. Gin wants to play Trivial Pursuit and I’m very good at using the box to blog the pieces they throw when they get questions wrong.”
No one says anything. Atsushi doesn’t think anything of it.
Trivial Pursuit starts off well and ends with one of the pieces flying out the window.
When Akutagawa wins, they pack the game up and the three of them swear to never play Trivial Pursuit with Gin ever again, just like they did last time.
“I think we should establish a game night,” Tachihara says. “Atsushi, you should bring your friends.”
“You can’t just invite people to my apartment,” Akutagawa says.
“Our apartment,” Tachihara corrects. “You and Gin said Atsushi and I could stay as long as we need.”
“Well,” Gin says, “Atsushi cooks for us. How are you gonna pay rent?”
“I’m a delight to have. I’m entertainment. Atsushi and I can be your dinner and a show.”
“You sing like a dying whale,” Akutagawa says.
“You walked into that one,” Gin says.
“Hey,” Atsushi says like he’s scolding the siblings. He grins. “It’s not Tachihara’s fault that he couldn’t see that one coming.”
Akutagawa’s mouth falls open and Gin’s eyes widen.
(Atsushi notices that they’re both much more expressive in the safety of their apartment.)
“Atsushi,” Gin hisses reproachfully.
Tachihara snickers.
Atsushi watches him with a soft smile. He likes it when Tachihara laughs.
“That was so dumb,” Tachihara says.
“You said the intelligence behind the joke is irrelevant.”
“Mm, I did say that, yes.”
“You,” Gin starts, then darts their eyes between Atsushi and Tachihara a few times, “you don’t mind blind jokes?”
“Yeah,” Tachihara says with a shrug. “All of Atsushi’s are silly and funny. Jouno never appreciated them, so maybe it’s just me personally that doesn’t mind.”
Atsushi nods. “I’ve been taught that I can only make jokes if Tachihara allows them.”
Akutagawa squints at Atsushi. (Why do you get to make blind jokes?)
Atsushi sticks his tongue out at Akutagawa. (Jealous?)
Akutagawa’s mouth falls open again. (As if!)
Atsushi grins. (Liar.)
“Hey, no fair,” Tachihara says. “Atsushi and Akutagawa are having silent conversations again, aren’t they? I can’t see, guys.”
“If it makes you feel any better,” Gin says, “I can see and I still don’t know what’s going on.”
“We’re just so in tune with each other,” Atsushi says, mocking Dazai’s tone when he said the words.
Akutagawa snickers.
Gin rolls their eyes. “Whatever. I’m going to get some ice cream. Does anyone want?”
All three of them raise their hands like little children.
Gin smiles fondly.
It makes Atsushi all warm and fuzzy inside.
Our apartment, he thinks giddily.