Work Text:
Addison sat in the cafeteria and nursed a cup of coffee. It was her sixth that day, and she hoped it would be able to lift the fog of exhaustion she had before she had her next surgery.
“Hey, what’s up?” Callie asked as she sat next to her.
“Not much, I’m just tired”, she answered, turning to look at her friend.
“Rough day?”
“No, I just didn’t get enough sleep, I’m hoping this will fix it”, she said, lifting her cup to Callie.
“Oh, you don’t have to tell me more, Grey also looks like she could fall asleep standing.”
Addison looked up and saw her girlfriend walk in the cafeteria with Cristina. Meredith did look exhausted, and Addison sighed.
“That’s not my doing. I’m just the pathetic grown woman who needs her girlfriend next to her to fall asleep.”
“She worked?”
“Not according to her schedule”, Addison answered, trying to cover up her disappointment. “She was supposed to be off at nine, but I guess she stayed to troll for cases.”
“That sucks”
“It’s part of the deal. I knew what I was getting into, dating a surgical resident. I just wish we could spend more time together. Being alone gets my head all messed up.”
“How so?”
“I start to compare this to the later years with Derek. He constantly chose work over me, and while I know it’s unfair to compare this to that, it’s difficult not to.”
“Yeah, I get it. You should talk about this with her. Wasn’t she off work for awhile last month, maybe she’s trying to catch up?”
“Yes, she had the flu. She didn’t miss much but I guess she might feel inferior”, Addison pondered with relief. The image of Meredith mostly asleep in her arms as she carried her from couch to bed came to mind, and Addison scolded herself for not making the connection.
“So, ask her about it.” Callie said before pulling her pager up and excusing herself.
Addison was left alone with her thoughts. Meredith was clearly overworking herself, and whatever the reason, she’d have to get some rest at some point. Preferably before her body was pushed to the limit and she’d fall ill. Addison had liked taking care of her sick girlfriend and found her adorable, but she had to stop this before the situation escalated. So, she decided, it was time for an intervention.
*****
Addison checked on the lasagna in the oven before checking her phone again. She’d texted Meredith to come home after her shift, and while Meredith had agreed, Addison was nervous. Even though she knew Meredith was still interested in her, there was a small part of her that feared she wasn’t enough. Meredith was due home soon if she’d managed to leave on time, and Addison had everything ready. The food was kept warm in the oven, the wine was ready, and she’d assembled candles around the bathtub ready for later. Now she only needed to calm herself down and wait.
When Addison heard Meredith’s car pull to the driveway she let out a breath and went to open the front door for her.
“Hey”, Meredith said and wrapped her arms around Addison. Addison could feel Meredith lean into her body and stroked her back.
“Hi, I’m so glad you could make it. Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah, but I missed you”, Meredith answered, without lifting her face from Addison’s neck. The words were muffled by the closeness, but Addison didn’t care.
“I missed you too”, she said and pressed a kiss to Meredith’s head. “Are you hungry?”
“For you, always”, Meredith said and made Addison laugh.
“For food. I have lasagna in the oven.”
“You’re the best”, Meredith said as she pulled away to kiss Addison. “I haven’t eaten since lunch”, she continued and they walked into the kitchen hand in hand. Addison served up the food and they ate. Addison found it difficult to hide her nerves but Meredith seemed to be distracted with telling her about a cool surgery she’d done with Mark today, so Addison didn’t think she noticed.
“How about a bath?” she asked Meredith after they’d cleared their plates. “We can leave the dishes for later.”
“Yes please”, Meredith answered and they made their way upstairs. They exchanged gentle kisses while the bath filled up and lit the candles before stepping in. Addison pulled Meredith to sit between her legs and the familiar weight of her girlfriend combined with the warm water, wine and candles relaxed her. She wanted to just hold her girl and let that be it for today, but she knew she had to say something.
“You haven’t been home much recently, is something going on?” she asked Meredith, and felt her tense in her arms.
“I’m sorry, I’ve just been at work”, Meredith answered, but Addison could tell even without seeing her face that it wasn’t the whole truth.
“Okay. I’m just worried. I care about you and I don’t want you to exhaust yourself, Meredith. I’ve been where you are and the shifts are rough enough without the extra time at work. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
Whatever reaction Addison was expecting, it wasn’t this. Meredith’s breathing hitched and as Addison turned her around in her arms she could see the tears running down her cheeks.
“Hey, it’s okay”, she said as she pulled Meredith into her embrace. “We’ve all been there, everyone will understand.” Meredith pulled back from her.
“It’s not about that! You- You make it impossible for me to be good enough. I mean, look at this! You thought I was tired so you set up this wonderful evening for us, with food and wine and cuddles and a bath. I want to do something like that for you, but I burn everything and I can’t even manage to be home enough to spend time with you.” Addison tried to cut in but Meredith went on. “I’m failing and even when I try to fix it everything gets more messed up. I’m not good at this, Addison! I want to be but I’m not. I just-”
Addison pulled Meredith to a kiss. She resisted at first but then relaxed into her hold and leaned in. They kissed until they were out of breath, and Addison leaned her forehead into Meredith’s.
“Is it my turn yet?”
Meredith looked down and nodded.
“You’re not failing anything, honey. You have a more demanding schedule at work, so it’s natural for you to have less free time to spend with me. I knew that before we started dating. And I love doing things for you, but it doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate. You do a lot of things for me every day that make me happy. The texts throughout the day checking up on me, the lunches you bring to my office when you know I’m too busy to take a break, the little makeout sessions in supply closets when you know I’m feeling down… The list goes on and on. I don’t want anything special, I just want you, okay?”
Meredith looked conflicted. Addison wiped the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs and left her hands there to hold her face.
“But- that’s not good enough”, Meredith finally said. “I want you to have the special things too.”
“Does that have anything to do with your crazy hours lately?”
Meredith looked away. “Yes, but I don’t want to tell you, it’s embarrassing.”
“I won’t laugh”, Addison said and waited. It took a moment, but Meredith gave in.
“I’ve been going to the hospital gym”, she finally muttered. “I’m trying to get stronger.”
Addison didn’t understand how this had anything to do with their conversation, but nodded for her to continue.
“When I was sick, I’d fall asleep on the couch with you, and I’d wake up to you carrying me to bed, and I felt safe and cared for. I wanted to be able to carry you if you needed me to, but my stupid muscles are too weak for that. So I’ve been researching and training at the gym and I’m really trying but it’s not working.”
Before Addison could stop herself, she let out a laugh. When she saw Meredith’s hurt look she pulled her in a hug. “Honey, if you really want to gain muscle I’ll help you, but please don’t do it for me. You’re perfect as you are. You make me feel safe and cared for every time you hold me as we sleep, you don’t need to be able to lift me for that.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Addison could feel Meredith shiver in the now cold water. “How about we continue this in bed?”
“Sure.” As they let the water out and dried themselves, Meredith smirked at her. “You know, I’ve always had a thing for strong women.”
“Oh, in that case...”, Addison replied and lifted Meredith to her arms to carry her to bed. After they’d tired themselves out with orgasms and displays of strength, Addison fell asleep in Meredith’s arms.