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The garden was dimly lit with lamps that lined the concrete path. Cold winds caressed HiMERU’s face as he watched the leaves blow past. Each breath of his formed small clouds of vapor in the air, reminding him of how chilly it was. He was looking to find a place of peace in the garden, far from Rinne and Niki’s antics. He couldn’t help but admire the peacefulness that was the Ensemble Square garden, far away from all the idol chaos that typically occurred. Past the river he could see the city lights that illuminated the night, HiMERU had always thought it made quite the ethereal effect as if heaven were to descend.
Truly, it was nice to finally have some time to himself. Being cooped up with Rinne and Niki all day in the practice room really did exhaust him, especially since today they practiced harder than ever before. It was astounding how Kohaku could even tolerate the two of them, let alone keep them on track during practice between all their bickering.
As he walked past the bushes and trees, he could not help but notice a small noise coming from somewhere. Curiosity only peaked in HiMERU’s mind as he got closer to the noise, and it began to sound like… sobbing? The blue-haired idol’s thoughts clouded with concern. Perhaps another idol like him was hurt or needed help. Slowly walking to where the noise was coming from, he peeked past the bushes to see a figure sitting in the shadows, hunched over as their long hair draped over their shoulders. Whoever it was, they sure looked like they were a mess.
“Good Evening,” HiMERU said softly. “Do you need help?” He kneeled down on the grass in front of them, his expression blank but still managed to look slightly worried.
The man’s head jolted up, only to accidentally hit HiMERU’s chin. “Agh-” They gasped with shock, but then regained their composure. “U-uhm, I’m sososo sorry! I did not mean to- HiMERU-san?!” The long-haired man glanced at HiMERU, who was busy rubbing his chin from the harsh impact.
HiMERU snapped back to focus, looking at the person sitting in front of him, recognizing the voice. It was a voice he heard only rarely, but it was so distinct that he could recognize it from anywhere. HiMERU focused his gaze again on the other, noticing their appearance even under the dim lighting as they were obscured behind a few bushes. Long and messy hair, a slightly worried expression, a mole under the lips, and sharp teeth…? “Ayase?” HiMERU concluded out loud.
“Huh!?! Yes?! I’m soso sorry!!! I’m still sorry, HiMERU-san! I never meant to hit you! I’m so sorryyyyy!! How- how dare an insignificant bug like me hit you?!” Mayoi began to spew ‘im sorrys’ like there was no tomorrow as if HiMERU would dare to be mad at Mayoi after seeing the state he was in.
HiMERU looked at the others’ current state as he listened to Mayoi’s incessant apologies. He was completely disheveled, his hair messy and undone, his face pink, and his eyes red from crying. HiMERU could not help but feel pity for him. “Ayase, are you okay? You look like you have been crying for a while.” HiMERU said, cutting through the non-stop flow of apologies.
“I’m fine, HiMERU-san!! Anyways, someone like you shouldn’t- shouldn’t care for such an inconspicuous bug like me…!” Mayoi looked down at both of their hands, his eyebrows in the all-too-familiar worried expression he always carried. The phantom’s hands were fidgeting, likely to calm himself, and his cheeks were slightly pinker than it was before as well. It was all things HiMERU noted in his mind.
HiMERU sighed. Why is Ayase like this? HiMERU just wants to help. “HiMERU won't judge you, he just wants to help. Please tell him anything you want to tell him. HiMERU will listen, no matter what.” HiMERU affirmed. There’s no need for you to be so deprecating.
He saw Mayoi hesitate before he briefly glanced back up into HiMERU’s orange-yellow eyes, expression unreadable. “H-HiMERU, uhm.. well…” He quickly looked away, stuttering as he spoke. It seemed like he didn’t know where to start.
HiMERU placed a hand on Mayoi’s reassuringly, hoping it soothed him. “Ayase, take your time. We can always go to the lounge if you ever need to take longer, so you don’t catch a cold.” HiMERU smiled in a delicate manner, hoping that it would convey his friendliness to the phantom.
“Ah- y-yes! Of course… but, there's no need… for that. I’m sorry- I mean! I’ll continue…” Mayoi stared at his hands, where HiMERU placed his hand on top of his and swallowed. “Uhm, HiMERU-san, if you may…”
“Ah- He is sorry. He did not mean to make you uncomfortable.” HiMERU quickly retracted his hand, feeling slightly embarrassed at what he did. He was an idol after all, and he had to keep their relationship strictly as one between co-workers. He did have to admit though, seeing the phantom get so flustered over a mere hand touch was amusing and cute. He would have to keep that thought to himself, however, because not only did he have to keep up with his persona, but he was also pretty sure if he told the other of his thoughts, Mayoi might as well combust.
“Y-yes, well, what was I talking about again…? Oh, right… this situation. ” Mayoi breathed a sigh as he looked like he was preparing a whole entire speech for HiMERU. It was welcomed, of course, HiMERU’s free day was tomorrow, and he could sleep whatever time he wanted. But the blue-haired idol did notice - it was rather late now.
Mayoi began, his voice low and shaky. Each breath and the words he spoke formed clouds with his breath due to how frigid the air was, his hands tightly squeezed together into a fist. “HiMERU-san, the r-reason I’m out here i-is that… uhm, uhm… how do I put this… I just don’t think I… deserve to be around others... ” The purple-haired idol’s voice was low and slightly muffled as he covered his mouth with his hand. The blue-haired idol noticed the tears that dripped down Mayoi’s face, falling onto the grassy ground they shared below them. “Everything I do, it never goes right, it only causes trouble…”
“Ayase.” HiMERU said softly, his citrine eyes searching for Mayoi’s turquoise ones. When Mayoi didn’t dare to look back at him, that was when he took matters into his own hands. “Ayase, HiMERU is here.” The blue-haired idol gently took hold of Mayoi’s chin, used his thumb to wipe tears that were dripping down his face, and made Mayoi lock eyes with him. He hadn’t intended to seem so… forward, but it felt like his hands moved on their own. He noticed that the idol’s eyes widened with shock, but made no attempt to stop HiMERU. Shutting his eyes, the phantom leaned into the blue-haired idols’ touch unknowingly for comfort, relishing the contact they shared.
Perhaps HiMERU could let professionality slide, just for this time.
With his eyes closed and face leaned into HiMERU’s comforting touch, the phantom prepared to continue on his rambling. “I ruined today’s practice, HiMERU-san… I kept messing up, it was horrible… I could tell the rest of ALKALOID were disappointed in me, especially when they put extra effort while my mind was somewhere else…” The phantom trailed off.
HiMERU scooted to the others’ side, gently placing the purple-haired idol’s head onto his shoulder. HiMERU hoped it would be comfortable for the phantom, and that they wouldn’t notice his slightly accelerating heartbeat.
Little did HiMERU know that Mayoi was so busy panicking over their position that he could barely notice the others’ slightly sped-up heartbeat.
“HiMERU is here for you. Please do not beat yourself up over this Ayase.”
Mayoi leaned in closer, nudging his head to HiMERU’s. “You're too nice, HiMERU-san, someone like me doesn’t deserve such kindness…”
Though HiMERU could still feel the wind dancing around them, carrying the leaves falling from surrounding trees, the night no longer felt cold to him. It felt as if time stopped as he listened to the phantom breathe, a faint beat of the heart following. He had never felt this close to anyone in the industry, let alone as HiMERU. Ever since he became HiMERU, he vowed to stay separate, as HiMERU and himself. But now, he could only feel the thoughts he would think, not what HiMERU would think. Basking in each other’s comforting warmth, the blue-haired idol held a serene smile of tranquility, eyes half closed and his mind at peace.
The two idols rested against each other for a span of a few minutes, then a thought appeared in HiMERU’s mind. The illuminated city… wouldn't it be best to view it now, before the city sleeps? He looked towards Mayoi, who was still sitting beside him, head resting on the blue-haired idol’s shoulder. His breathing was now steady, and he was no longer shaking. Perhaps Ayase would enjoy the view as I did. Maybe it would lift his spirits.
Sensing HiMERU’s gaze on him, Mayoi looked up at the other anxiously, thinking he did something wrong.
“Say, Ayase,” HiMERU broke the silence.
“Y-yes?! Did I do something wrong?!!”
“No, of course not. He just wanted to ask, do you want to view something with HIMERU?” That question provoked quite a reaction from the phantom. He shot up, clearly shocked by the sudden question, his gaze flicking from HiMERU to the bush behind him interchangeably.
“Y-yes!! I mean- if that's what you want, HiMERU-san…!” HiMERU smiled.
Quickly standing up from his spot, he turned back to the purple-haired idol, newfound energy flowing through him. With an outstretched hand, he gazed at the phantom with a content smile.
“Your hand, Ayase?”
HiMERU swore he could see Mayoi physically turn into a tomato after he asked that.
“E-eh?! You sure–” Yet, Mayoi still raised his hand for HiMERU’s free-taking, and HiMERU took it without hesitating. Pulling him up, HiMERU led the phantom out of the spot they hid, past the bushes and emerging out into the lamp-lit paths.
“He is very sure.” HiMERU could not feel more assured of his choice. He knew that he wasn't acting like his usual reserved self, but the phantom made him able to feel safer and more open. The blue-haired idols’ hold on Mayoi’s hand tightens as he leads the other to the edge of the garden, seeing the city still shining with its heavenly glow.
He looked back at Mayoi and saw how the lights reflected in the oceans that were the phantom's eyes. He quickly looked forward again.
He led Mayoi to the railing, placing his left hand down as his right hand grasped Mayoi’s. “The night is rather beautiful, right?” Like you. HiMERU could barely hold back saying that thought, before becoming slightly confused by his own mind. He turned his head to Mayoi, and a gentle smile graced his lips. “Ayase, your unit mates care about you, he has seen it himself. They would most definitely understand why you were slightly behind today, considering your mental state.” He turned back towards the view of the waters. He hoped he hadn't made their interaction too awkward.
Through the sounds of lapping waves, he heard Mayoi take a deep breath. Ready for another anxiety-laced ramble, he prepared to speak first. “Ayase, again, HiMERU is here for you-” Suddenly, the blue-haired idol felt him being pulled away from the railing, and back towards the walkway of the garden, away from the edge.
He watched Mayoi, wide-eyed, surprised that the phantom made a move. “HiMERU-san! I’m so thankful for… you!” Mayoi exclaimed, smiling the brightest smile HiMERU has ever seen from him. Mayoi spun them both around gently, watching HiMERU’s eyes focus on him. HiMERU swore he saw Mayoi chuckle. Mayoi no longer emitted an air of anxiety, now, he seemed as confident as ever.
Oh, how HiMERU wished he could speak to Mayoi as himself and not as HiMERU. The moment between them felt unreal, and the fact that it was HiMERU’s idea to merely view the city, it would have never been the same as this.
HiMERU gazed over the phantom’s appearance, eyes getting glued to certain aspects of his physique. The way the phantom’s messy hair fell over his shoulders and blew in the wind, how his face held an angelic smile, and how his ocean eyes reflected the glittering gold that was the city. It all made HiMERU’s heart flutter helplessly, he couldn't help but feel like he was falling down a hole of no return.
They eventually came to a slow halt as they continued to watch each other. “HiMERU, thank you for being here… to talk to me,” Mayoi spoke softly, first to break eye contact. HiMERU was snapped out of his dream-like trance when they stopped, much to his dismay. “I’m… always willing to talk to you, again! Of course, I may be less… disastrous as I was today, or not as open as I am now, but I digress…” He apologetically muttered.
“HiMERU is happy you feel that way about him. He is always here to talk to you too, he cares for you, as he does for everyone else,” The blue-haired idol slowly walked closer to the shorter man, citrine eyes locked with turquoise ones. “And please do not put yourself down over such trivial matters.” His gaze softened, and with one swift motion, he brought his arms around Mayoi, hugging him. He felt the purple phantom tense up for a brief second, before relaxing in the others’ embrace and hugging him back gently.
Under the starry blanket that was the sky, they cherish each other’s warmth in the cold midnight, against the whimsical background that was the city.