Chapter Text
Mingi came home late at night after finishing his work at the studio. Maybe around three or four in the morning, but it doesn't drain him out.
What drained him was finding both Seonghwa and San asleep, cuddling up in each other's arms on the couch with a movie playing on the television.
And those feelings are there again – jealousy, longing. He admits that both of them are cute, but his jealousy is stronger.
The urge to slip himself in between them and let them cuddle and snuggle with him is strong. He wants what they have with them.
Being housemates with the two most affectionate people might seem fun and safe for most. People would say he's lucky because he'll receive all the love and attention. Mingi admits that it is, but... it also comes with prices.
Prices of having to see them all up in each other's business romantically, of having to see them do what most lovers do, of having to see them exchange touches and kisses. Touches and kisses that are only allowed among them, which makes him crave for it.
Those are the prices that Mingi has to pay while being under the same roof. But who will pay the price of him having breakdowns every night as he wants to be part of them, longing to be touched and loved like how they did to each other?
And he's starting to think that maybe he's unloveable; he's the problem. What can he offer to both of them? Nothing. He can't offer anything because he just doesn't know how to deal with his own feelings.
Tears started to well up in Mingi's eyes as he saw San stir in his sleep to tug Seonghwa closer. He turns around at the moment his tears roll down on his cheeks and makes his way towards his room while sniffling softly.
Mingi closes the door of his room and locks it before he leans his back against the door, finally breaking down as he cries out with his arm over his mouth.
Even though it's his room and he has every right to cry out, he just doesn't want to let them hear because he wants to be alone.
He could feel himself getting choked on his own saliva as he was crying out uncontrollably before walking towards his bed. He placed his stuff on the floor and slipped under his blanket, curling himself into a ball with tears rolling sideways on his cheek.
Why can't things be easy for him? Why can't someone love him too? Why can't someone hold him, kiss him and tell him that he means the whole world to them? Is he that unloveable? Is he that complicated for people to love him?
The more he thinks of it, the more he cries out. The emptiness, loneliness and bad thoughts are consuming him bit by bit.
Remembering how Seonghwa and San always are with each other only twists the knife that's been stabbed in his heart for too long.
It's painful, but he's also used to it. So, so used to it that he's starting to wonder if having feelings for two people at the same time is normal or not.
He closes his eyes as he wishes for his pain and himself to be taken away since things have never been on his side and living like this is only hurting him more.
With his body slowly shutting down from being exhausted of the schedules, he knows that he's sick and he's absolutely fucked right now.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
San stirs in his sleep once again and flutters his eyes open to find Seonghwa looking down at him while smiling. "Hey, baby." The older mutters as he leans down to press soft kisses against the younger's forehead, which pull out giggles and squeaks from the younger.
"What time is it?" San asks, and Seonghwa glances at the clock on the wall. "It's 4:17," the older responds, and San instantly sits up as he pulls the blanket away from his body. The older looks at him confusedly and asks if something was up before San responds frantically.
"Mingi still isn't home, hyungie! It's almost 5 a.m., and he's not back yet. And knowing him, I don't think he ate the whole day in the studio."
Seonghwa holds the younger's hands in his gently to calm him down as he tells San to sit so that he can call Mingi.
San purses his lips to form a pout as he sits next to the older again with his hands on his lap, looking at Seonghwa, who's calling Mingi.
At the moment the call went through, they heard Mingi's ringtone in his room, which made both of them look in the direction of the male's room.
But the weird thing is that Mingi doesn't pick up the call. San bites his lower lip nervously, wondering as to why the male doesn't pick up.
"Okay, let's just try to go in his room. Maybe he's asleep."
Seonghwa said as he stood up from the couch, walking towards Mingi's room with San following him from behind. The older knocks on the door twice and waits before he glances back at San when there's no response.
He tried it again, but this time calling out softly to the male inside the room, and still, no response. San tries to open the door, but it's locked. He tries again, and yes, it was definitely locked.
"Hyung, it's locked. Mingi never locks the door."
San said as he started to worry before Seonghwa calmed him down again and went to the kitchen to get the door key. "Minmin… Are you okay?" San asks softly against the door while the older is in the kitchen.
He got even more worried when there was no response. It makes sense if Mingi was sleeping, but he never locks the door, no matter the occasion. Seonghwa came back with the key and immediately unlocked the door.
As soon as the door opened, they saw Mingi's stuff and bag sprawled messily on the floor with the male curling up on his bed. Just from the back, the male looks unwell, and it made both Seonghwa and San worried.
They make their way towards the bed, and San turns on the night lamp with Seonghwa sitting on the bed slowly. He glances to see the male was sleeping, but he could see his cheeks that were stained with tears, and it made him wonder what happened.
San sits next to Seonghwa and places his hand on Mingi's arm to wake him up when he feels how hot the male's body is. "Hyung… I think he's sick," he said to Seonghwa, and the older placed his palm against Mingi's forehead – he's burning.
Mingi stirs a little in his sleep with low painful groans slipping past his lips. San pouts as he feels bad, and Seonghwa strokes the younger's head to wake him up before both of them are shocked with the words that leave Mingi's lips as he's talking in his sleep.
"Love Hwa hyung aㅡand Sannie. Wanna be wiㅡwith them as three… Know I'm unloveable, but... but don't leave me alone. "Hurts... to be alone."