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“ THAT LETTER wasn’t supposed to be sent!”
Bennett shifted beside you. He scratched his head and attempted to save himself. “Then why didn’t you discard it—Ow!”
He couldn’t finish his sentence as you pinched his left arm.
The blond boy furrowed his eyebrows. He rubbed his left arm where you pinched him just now. With shuffling feet, he spoke in a low voice. “I… I was trying to be nice and thought I could help you deliver the letter.”
Those words rang your ears like an irritating chime of bells. You folded your arms across your chest and cursed out a string of words you knew you might regret later.
“Well guess what, Bennett. You added another problem to my other hundreds of problems.”
“Oh,” he wandered his gaze anywhere but yours. “I apologize for doing such a thing. I never thought it would come down to this.”
The young male’s voice gradually lowered into a whisper. You didn’t wish to hurt him with your words. Truthfully, you felt terrible. But your anger controlled your words more than you did.
You faltered and thought about your words mere seconds ago. Bennett was being himself. He was kind and always tried to help people in any way he could. You couldn’t take that trait away from him. However, you were not prepared for whatever was going to happen after the recipient read the letter.
Knowing that guy , he will likely ignore the letter (you hoped so.) He might not read what contained that letter and discard the envelope as soon as he saw your name. It had been a month since you fled Sumeru from your last expedition. It’s not like you care if he reads it or not. That guy could tear it into pieces or light the paper with fire for all you care.
You certainly do not care at all.
The most important thing was that you need to focus on fixing what’s reachable at the moment.
There was a heavy silence between the both of you. You cleared your throat, Bennett did not lift his head and remained his gaze on the ground.
The tone of your voice somehow softened as you spoke. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
He finally looked at you with wide eyes. “Huh? No, I probably deserved it. I should’ve waited until you were sober.”
“Well, you deserve a little bit of scolding but not my yelling. And it’s partially my fault for acting like an absolute idiot.”
He doesn’t answer you. Silence meant yes.
“Did you read the letter?”
His ears turned bright red. “No, I didn’t! I promise!”
“Relax,” you chuckled. “I believe you.”
“But I somehow knew who it was for. It seemed important and you were… desperate last night so…” he trailed off.
A sigh left your lips once again. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it anymore. I shouldn’t have drank too much."
Bennett chuckled in secret when he remembered the sight of your drunken state last night. It was somehow amusing, but Bennett felt your heartache and realized it was no laughing matter as he witnessed how much of a mess you were.
Bennett blinked as he examined the empty bottles at your table. Tangled hair, wet cheeks, and droopy eyes.
“Are you okay?”
You looked at him with half-lidded eyes. With a dramatic cry, you exclaimed, “Is a broken heart ever okay?”
He scratched his head in response. Bennett hasn’t gone through the same experience as you, but he was willing to offer any kind of help. From what he heard, people who are going through break-ups need a shoulder to cry on. That was probably the best he could do to help.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
You threw your arms around his neck and pulled him towards you. “Oh, Benny! I don’t know what I would do without you!” You proceeded to cry into his shoulder as you squeezed him tighter.
Bennett struggled in your embrace. “O-oh… C-can’t breathe.”
You pulled away and Bennett took a long intake of air. Your glassy eyes found his, searching for an answer.
“Is it possible to fall in love within a month?”
“I guess…”
You sighed. “I just… There’s this guy I met in Sumeru. I don’t even know how to describe him. But I find myself absolutely, madly, deeply drawn to him. He’s quiet yet he’s got a sharp tongue. He says he doesn’t like my company but he always finds a way to spend time with me. He acts like he doesn’t care but he pays attention to what I like or what I don’t! He’s the perfect guy yet he’s sharp around the edges!”
Bennett stared in bewilderment. “I didn’t know going on expeditions includes falling in love.”
“I know right?” you blatted. “I didn’t even see that coming. But Benny, I’m head over heels for a mysterious guy!”
“Did you tell him about how you felt?” inquired Bennett.
Your shoulders fell and replied, “I can’t seem to.”
“Oh,” Bennett was at a loss for words.
“But I miss him dearly when I shouldn’t be.”
The remark earned a side eye from Bennett.
Suddenly, as if a light bulb flickered in his brain, he grinned and offered a suggestion. “Why don’t you try writing a letter to him? If you can’t dare to face him the next time you meet, at least he knows how you’re feeling.”
You beamed a smile. “You’ve got a brilliant mind, Benny!”
Your next action was the reason why you regret your alcohol consumption. Grabbing your calligraphy set, you carefully laid out a paper across your study table.
In no time, you started jolting down your thoughts.
My Dearest Hat Guy,
Are you well? It’s been a while since I last heard from you. I didn’t expect you to because I returned to Mondstadt without bidding you farewell. I was not sure whether you cared or not. Regardless, just know that I departed from Sumeru with a heavy heart. It was hard to leave when I hadn’t told you how I felt.
I find myself constantly scuffling through a whirlwind of emotions, and I am no longer able to carry the weight of my heart longing for you.
I just ought you to know that I enjoyed every second I spent with you. But I am a greedy person. If I get too used to your presence, I don’t think I will be able to hold back. You became my source of happiness, aggravation, and solace at the same time. If I had the chance to turn back time, I’d still do it all over again and choose to meet you.
Still, your existence will hold a special place in my heart.
Take care.
You do not remember anything else after that aside from waking up in your bed with a throbbing headache, unable to remember what you had written that night.
When you thought the topic was over, Bennett shot another remark. “Hat Guy is a strange name.”
It felt strange hearing the name come out of someone’s mouth. The same name is the sole reason for your yearning and anger. You haven’t even spoken it for a month ever since that night. Not when you’re sober. His name rolled off your tongue like a forbidden ballad to sing.
“Indeed,” you tried to keep your cool with a faint chuckle.
“Is it a code name for something or…?”
You blinked at his question and replied, “So-so.”
“So-so?” Bennett repeated, visibly confused.
You nodded and smiled at him. There was nothing else you told him about Hat Guy. He played no significance in your life. Not anymore.
You carried on your day and ignored the accident that happened earlier. Surely, you will go on with your life like on some normal days.
Except it didn’t like you wished to.
Your stay in Mondstadt was nothing but pure bliss and solace for the past few days. On some days, you go on adventures with Bennett. He insisted on your eagerness to come with him whenever he went. But you craved a bit of adrenaline and thought Bennett would love company. As a present, you both stumbled upon misfortunes along the way.
You didn’t mind though. At least you were still breathing.
You think it’s sweet. Life is sweet when you’re not thinking about a certain guy who writes essays under his ridiculously hefty hat.
But your happiness was cut short when Bennett came rushing to your room with a letter in his hand. You wondered how it was possible that he safely delivered your letter without any casualties.
Maybe luck was on his side this time.
“For you! From Hat Guy!”
“What?”
You also wished the gods would bless you luck even just for a day. The chosen day was today.
Bennett smiling with his teeth showing was not a rare occurrence, but the way his eyes gleamed was enough proof that he was enthusiastic when he shouldn’t be.
You somehow guessed something like this would happen, but you were not prepared for it. Although, you kind of prayed something would happen in the middle of delivering your accidental letter to Hat Guy. It was sent by Bennett and for sure trouble would somehow happen, but it didn’t.
But maybe this was Bennett’s misfortune infecting you.
Feeling a bit giddy, you grabbed the letter from his hand and opened it. What you saw next sent you into a rollercoaster ride of different emotions.
?
You went from anxious, to excited, to confused and irritated.
Scratch that, you were annoyed.
How busy was he to send only punctuation? Ironically enough, he took his sweet time grabbing a feather and dipping it in ink then writing a question mark, folded it inside an envelope, and dispatched it. It was enough evidence he had time to write such bullshit but put no effort into effectively communicating through words.
Who in their right mind would spare their precious time writing a question mark on a piece of paper to send as a letter? Only Hat Guy.
That despicable Hat Guy.
Bennett was quick to notice the distaste in your face. He watched you stomp on your feet, and grab a calligraphy set from your drawer before sitting on your table with a scowl.
Your hands blazed a fire against the piece of paper. Bennett felt bad for your pen as you gripped it tightly that he thought it was going to snap in half.
Don’t give me that attitude, Hat Guy! It was a mistake. That letter wasn’t even for you.
After a few seconds, you looked at your fellow adventurer with a glare. Bennett shivered as he wondered what he did to earn such a reaction from you.
You sloppily folded the paper and stamped an envelope before arranging your missive inside.
“Give this to the Adventurer’s Guild and tell them to deliver this to Sumeru!” Bennett swore he saw your ears fume with smoke as you held out the envelope to him. “Specifically to an Akademiya Researcher named Hat Guy !”
Bennett said no more and obeyed your request.
The following days were a complete blur. Some parts of your mind occupied the name Hat Guy and the infuriating question mark.
Every time you remember it, the angrier you get. It became worse when Bennett handed you over a letter on one sunny day. You went ballistic when the second letter arrived from the same sender.
Oh, don’t worry. I figured it wasn’t for me when I first read the opening line, “My Dearest Hat Guy.”
Or perhaps you know other people who also go by the same name as I do? Tell them they should change their name as it was mine first.
Best regards,
Your Dearest Hat Guy
The good thing was, he didn’t send another punctuation mark. But the hint of sarcasm in his letter added more fuel to your flames.
As a defense mechanism, you used your fury as a cover-up for the embarrassment from your exposed false alibi. With the same raging blaze, you wrote another letter for him, penned in large bold texts.
DON’T MESSAGE ME EVER AGAIN!
Five simple words guaranteed his silence.
Life went on even without a certain guy by your side. A month later, you didn’t hear from him again. Hat Guy was undeniably obedient, and you hated it when he didn’t bother you.
You denied the fact that memories of him still plagued your mind. You already mastered the art of acting like he was not the reason for your perpetual yearning ever since the time you grew apart.
Going on adventures with Bennett every day served as a distraction from your pining. Missing a guy who doesn’t care about you was the last thing on your list. It somehow helped you divert your attention to much more important stuff like accepting commissions from the Adventurer’s Guild assigned by Katheryne. This time, she commissioned Benny’s Adventure Team to defeat a group of hilichurls and a Cryo Abyss Mage who were sighted performing a ritual.
The trip to Wolvendom was uneventful, except for the fact that a group of hilichurls ambushed your journey before you even arrived from your main quest. Regardless, you and Bennett had no trouble defeating them. Luckily enough, you and your companion did not obtain any scratches from the clash.
In the heart of Wolvendom, the air is humid and alive. The canopy of trees left a perpetual shade on the forest floor. The gentle breeze rustled the leaves from the towering trees, causing a symphony of melodies as the birds sang along to the gust of wind.
Both of you are mentally and physically prepared for anything you might encounter during your adventure. But none of you detected a sneaky mitachurl from behind.
Your ears picked up a familiar sound of grunting. As you looked over your shoulder, you witnessed the gigantic monster preparing its body to plunge towards you. Bennett froze upon his feet, eyes wide and wiggly legs.
Time slowed down. In the middle of the heart-pounding terror, the approaching enemy lunged forward at startling speed with malevolent hunger in its eyes.
A sudden scud skittered the dried leaves. It was only then that you caught a glimpse of green blades plummeting from the air to the ground. Looks like an uninvited guest joined in. He was not any other guest but he was someone you once knew and then you pretended like he vanished from your memory and his name didn’t exist in your vocabulary.
That large dark blue hat was all too familiar not to remember. Every minor detail and the specific shades of blue in his outfit were engraved in your mind, and the memories came rushing in as you became aware of the person in front of you.
He sprinted forward mid-air in front of the approaching mitachurl with his feet dangling. Hat Guy eyed you and sent a remark, “Don’t just stand there and watch. Unless you want to die in the hands of this bastard.”
The trip back to reality was jarring.
Bennett pulled out his sword. He positioned himself in a certain stance where he could easily unleash an attack of burning flames as the mitachurl assailed forward, flinging its hard wooden shield.
The shield breaks off from Bennett’s damage alone. His precise calculation also played a part in vitiating its defense, making it easy for you to take offense.
Soon enough, your Vision glowed against your waist as you wielded out your weapon. Your swift attacks concurred along with Hat Guy’s Anemo blades. It was not the first time you fought alongside him, but today was different. You never thought you would be fighting a single mitachurl in your hometown, with Hat Guy also doing his best to eliminate the enemy.
Without admitting it, you kind of missed this kind of scenario.
Hat Guy finished the enemy off with one last attack. The mitachurl fell flat on its face, sending a slight tremble to the ground before its body disappeared into ashes.
Hat Guy descended from the air. He greeted you with a snicker. “I never thought we’d encounter each other like this again.”
There was an invisible wire around your neck, choking you from talking back to him. Still, you gathered up the courage and replied to him with the same attitude. “Thanks but we didn’t need your help.”
“Bold of you to assume I was trying to help you,” Hat Guy laughed and crossed his arms. “That mitachurl was in my way.”
“In your way?” you raised your eyebrows. “When you appeared out of nowhere?”
He scoffed, a smirk curling up on his lips. “Whatever. If it weren’t for me you’d be dead by now. A little whiff of appreciation would suffice.”
You took a step forward towards him, close but not too close. “I ain’t thanking you for anything. You could’ve just watched me get attacked by that mitachurl and enjoy the grotesque view of the annihilation of my existence.”
Hat Guy sniggered at your dramatic response. “If that’s how you’ll be playing then so be it.”
You sighed in defeat. Putting your hands on both sides of your waist, you inquired, “What brings you here in Mondstadt anyway? Shouldn’t you be writing essays or something?”
“Is my reason any of your business?”
“No.”
“Good,” Hat guy pivoted his heels away from you before walking off.
Clutching your fists, you stare at his shrinking figure. “Piss off!”
Unexpectedly, he turned back on you to stick his tongue out while pulling down his right lower eyelid. He chuckled as he saw the scowl on your face before walking out for real this time.
Bennett stared at Hat Guy who was slowly disappearing from his sight. He looked over to you who still has furrowed eyebrows and reddening ears.
“Uh, was that—?”
You cut him off. “No one of importance.”
“Was that the Hat Guy?” Bennett still asked, despite the scornful look on your face. “I mean, his fashionable hat just gives it away. Minus the part when your obvious bickering just means you both have unresolved issues with each other.”
It was not new to engage in a squabble with Hat Guy. During those three months of spending time with him, you had countless arguments that often started from either juvenile or unnecessary reasons. Both are not professional from a Principal’s view.
Despite the constant wrangling, you felt like it was the core part of your relationship with Hat Guy even though your relationship with him is unclear. You were friends but don’t trust each other that much. Hat Guy does not entertain the idea of friendships unless there is a mutual understanding of benefits between two parties. Being labeled as an acquaintance hurts your pride. At this point, it falls as co-workers scale, being his previous “bodyguard” while he was conducting his last research.
Still, you didn’t anticipate running into Hat Guy again and in Mondstadt of all places. Seeing him in Mondstadt was odd. There is an image of Hat Guy in your mind that you automatically connect to Sumeru, and so you find it intriguing what could have brought a guy like him to a foreign place. All of your sulking was washed away by curiosity.
The next time you see Hat Guy, you’ll make sure to find out what took him to Mondstadt, either by force or by taking matters into your own hands.
It was the longest day you ever had in your life. The fact that you exerted all your strength worth one week into fighting monsters—running into Hat Guy was something else.
Keeping the promise to yourself, you kept watchful eyes on Hat Guy. Oftentimes, you see him talking to random people around Mondstadt. Today was no different, but seeing him stand in front of Adventurer’s Guild was out of the ordinary when you accidentally ran into him again when accepting daily commissions from Katheryne. Instead of turning away, your feet did not back out. You had curiosity to feed after all.
Hat Guy wore his usual face of little expression. He already sensed you from his peripheral vision, but he did not budge and waited for you to draw nearer. His expression did not change for a bit when you reluctantly stood beside him. No tension exploded from him, almost like he already predicted your arrival.
You tried your hardest not to look affected by his presence by shooting a warm smile to Katheryne.
“Perfect timing!” Katheryne clapped with a smile upon seeing you. “Where is your companion?” She asked, noticing your usual pair was not with you.
“He, uh…” you thought of your words carefully not wanting to embarrass your friend.
If only Bennett did not drink spoilt milk, he wouldn’t have explosive diarrhea this morning.
“Benny is sick,” you finally replied. It was the kindest version you thought of.
“I hope he gets well soon,” she said. “But surely, you will be able to accompany a commissioner even without your partner, right?”
“I guess I could,” you said.
Bennett was helpless. Perhaps going on expeditions without your fellow adventurer could somehow build your self-confidence. But the last time you did it on your own, it didn’t end well—relationship-wise.
“But who will I accompany?” you asked.
Hat Guy retorted, “If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been waiting for my little helper since forever.”
Never mind about being nosy about Hat Guy’s business, he was picking your nose.
“You will be assisting Hat Guy with his ongoing research,” said Katheryne.
Your ears perked up upon hearing the words assist, Hat Guy, and Research was used in one sentence. That wasn’t the first time the Adventurer’s Guild gave you such a commission. Perhaps Katheryne was also testing you. Everything felt like deja vu.
Was this even allowed? It felt like a violation on your part, especially when you had an awful history with Hat Guy.
“I don’t know how to conduct research,” you replied, hoping you’d save yourself from trouble but it just came out as stupid.
Katheryne chuckled. “Don’t worry about that. You will only be escorting Hat Guy whenever he goes. Like an apprentice. Something like a bodyguard.”
You scoffed. “Bodyguard? That guy can protect himself more than I could.”
Even though it was merely the truth, Hat Guy doesn’t engage in the conversation. Instead, he crossed his arms against his chest and repeatedly tapped his right forefinger to his left arm.
“Are you done?” he finally snapped. “I didn’t know an Adventurer would be so whiny.”
“Whiny? You—”
Katheryne cleared her throat to distract you from your sudden outburst. Seeing that you stopped, she shot the both of you a smile.
“Well then if everything is settled, it would be good if the both of you depart for your journey.”
And so, Hat Guy began to walk away. You trailed behind him, giving enough space between the both of you.
“How much mora?”
“What?”
For the past twenty minutes, none of you uttered a single word. Silence filled the atmosphere and you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t the awkwardness hanging heavy on your shoulders. And so when you spoke, Hat Guy grimaced at the out-of-the-blue question.
“How much mora did you pay Katheryne?” you elaborated.
“What are you even implying?”
It seems like you failed to get your point across, or he was pretending he didn’t catch anything.
“You probably paid a lot of mora to bribe Katheryne just to piss me off!” you exploded.
He finally stopped from walking before letting out a scoff, amused at your assumption. “Where did that idea come from?”
“Why are you acting all innocent?”
“Because I am,” Hat Guy snarled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. If I had known beforehand that you would be the one assigned to me, I would’ve backed out and requested Katheryne to refer me to someone else if you didn’t like me so much.”
A beat of silence.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he turned around and continued to walk. “Just forget about it.”
You wanted to say something. Anything. What he thought was the opposite. He was wrong. But he started to walk further away from you and you couldn’t afford to lose sight of him.
You catch up to him by taking large steps. Hat Guy was the head, and you were the tail. You always have to be behind him.
Noticing that your journey was getting further, you finally gained the courage to strike up a conversation. You were certainly not trying to talk to him, but you needed to know why you were taking this route to a certain destination.
“Okay now, Mr. Vahumana. Where to?”
His fingers clutched at the base of his hat, looking at you over his shoulders. “Do you know where I can find Cecilia flowers?”
You didn’t expect that Hat Guy would travel kilometers from Sumeru to Mondstadt just to pick flowers. Still, you didn’t have the right to judge him—even though he hasn’t told you anything ever about his research.
“There are plenty of those around Starsnatch Cliff.”
“Off we go then.”
“You could easily buy them from Flora’s flower shop though? Didn’t you know?”
“Know what?” he gruffed.
“I mean, you were at Adventurer’s Guild earlier. Surely, you’ve seen the vendor Flora and her stall nearby.”
He looked at you with a scowl. “Is my assistant complaining?”
Hat Guy was trying to instill fear into his words and expression, but this does not shake you even a little bit. If anything, he only looked adorable with the small creases between his eyebrows and the way the corners of his lips lowered.
You squeezed your finger and thumb together, before dragging them across your lips and made a motion as if you were zipping your mouth.
None of you said anything after that.
Like usual, it was beyond normal running into a camp of hilichurls. Hat Guy didn’t bother clearing them unless they were on his way or they got alerted by your presence.
Throughout the journey, there was an incredible silence that engulfed the space between you two. You didn’t mind though. Silence is peaceful. And knowing Hat Guy, he wasn’t that much of a talker not unless he had something sharp and witty to say.
You reached for your small sling bag that hung across your shoulders down to your hips and pulled out a valberry. You tapped Hat Guy’s shoulders and offered one to him.
Hat Guy's puzzled expression greeted you.
“I know you don’t like sweet food but it would still be rude of me not to give you anything.”
He waved his hand off and continued walking. “You go eat that. I’m not hungry anyways.”
“Sorry,” you mumbled before gradually biting onto your food. “If I ever have the time, I will make you a chazuke .”
Hat Guy doesn’t face you but his voice echoes enough for you to hear. “You don’t have to.”
“But I want to,” you insisted.
“Fine, suit yourself.”
A small smile crept on your lips. With this, you took another bite with your fruit. Your teeth broke through the tender flesh, and a burst of sweetness flooded your taste buds.
Once again, stillness enveloped the remainder of your journey, as if time stopped itself to contemplate its path ahead. Later on, your eyes caught on the sight of a familiar flower.
“Oh, Cecilia flowers!” you pointed at one growing from the ground.
Hat Guy turned to where you pointed at. He lowered himself before bending to his knees. His delicate fingers plucked a single Cecilia.
“What are you going to use it for?” you asked.
“For research.”
You rolled your eyes at his response. It was rare for Hat Guy to tell people about his plans, and you were stupid to think that he would openly tell you about his research.
He picked a few more before he paused.
“What’s wrong?”
You blinked as he rose from kneeling and handed you one of the flowers in his hand. He already gathered a handful that he couldn’t fit into his small pouch. For the first time in forever, you finally understood what you came here for. You were his hired assistant after all. Being his assistant isn’t limited to only fighting off monsters but also includes carrying the resources he gathered.
“This flower will just wilt inside my bag—”
“It’s yours.”
“For what?”
Hat Guy’s gaze avoided yours, busying himself with the flowers. “I picked what I needed. That’s just a leftover. It would be a waste to just throw it when I already plucked it.”
A smirk curled into your lips. “You don’t seem so honest right now.”
“Are you telling me I’m trying to flirt with you?” he raised his eyebrows. “or whatever you mortals call it.”
Your heart pounded so loudly that you could almost hear it in your ears. A mix of emotions swirled in your chest.
“I didn’t say that,” you defended yourself.
“You don’t seem so honest right now,” he shot back using your words earlier.
Your expression twisted into a silent mock, but the silence spoke loud volumes. For whatever reason, your heart swelled.
“Let’s get going,” he turned his back away from you and started to drift off into the meadows.
It was getting dark when you both walked back to Mondstadt. You hadn’t asked Hat Guy where he was staying but you realized it was none of your business. Even though you were to ask, you were sure Hat Guy wouldn’t tell you for some reason but mainly to keep you curious.
From the horizon, the sun slowly descended from the vibrant palette of orange and pink skies. The sun casts a golden glow on the landscape.
“Oh, the sun is setting.”
“It is.”
“We should watch the sunset.”
This made your eyebrow raise. He wasn’t inviting you to watch it with him, nor was he suggesting it. He was certain you would gladly join him. Hat Guy wasn’t wrong.
The sun’s golden orb dived deeper into the canvas. Hat Guy began to sit at the rugged edges of the earth. Soon after, you followed and perched beside him at the cliff.
“So there was another reason for your visit to Mondstadt,” you said, lips curling into a tight smile. “Your research.”
It was pathetic to think about something else. Although you were glad that he kept himself busy and occupied, you couldn’t help but feel small.
As selfish as it sounds, you wished that he traveled to Mondstadt because he came looking for you. That the letter triggered something in him and realized his feelings for you. That only came in your dream.
His world didn’t revolve around you. As if you were never part of it.
“Should there be another reason?” he grilled.
But still, you needed to know why he would act in a certain way if it was the reason. Was it merely fate who brought you again together, or is it one of his tricks on leading you on?
“I have a question,” you announced to your invisible audience who didn’t turn or answer to acknowledge you. “Can I ask a question?”
“You already are asking me, but I will spare you another chance,” he shrugged.
“Do you hate me?”
Hat Guy turned to face you. “Where did that even come from?”
“Then why would you do such a thing?”
Hat Guy knitted his eyebrows, skimming through the endless seams of atrocities he committed. “Which one?”
“The letter!”
“How am I supposed to respond to such absurdity?”
“Absurdity?!” you screeched, gritting your teeth. “I poured my heart and soul into that letter and all you did was reply to me with a question mark!”
“How can I not when it feels like deciphering a code I have never heard of?”
“Decipher? I was direct about my affection for you in the letter, you idiot!”
The first part of your sentence fell deaf in his ears. “Huh, I’m an idiot now?”
“Yes! And I can’t believe I’m in love with an idiot!” you huffed.
The world stopped moving for a fleeting moment. Hat Guy hasn’t blinked for a good five seconds. You stared into his indigo eyes before looking away, the heavy air suffocated you that filled the atmosphere.
Creases formed on his forehead. Then, he snorted, “Huh? You… love me?”
“Don’t make me say it for the second time,” you sighed. “I thought the letter was clear enough to say that I…”
You didn’t finish your sentence as you felt your legs go wobbly. You wanted to run away and escape from the awkward situation.
Hat Guy chuckled. “I also thought you hated me.”
“What? No—I don’t.”
“Then why did you sound so frustrated earlier when you found out you would be my chaperone once again?”
“It’s because of that stupid letter!”
Hat Guy reached to the inside of his clothes before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper.
“This letter?” he held it out to your face.
How did he even keep it but replied to you in an unflattering way? How dare he.
You grabbed it and widened your eyes as you tried to read the content of the letter. It wasn’t even a letter anymore, it was so drenched with dried water that the text was barely readable.
“This—”
“You see what I mean?” Hat Guy snorted. “Tell me how was I supposed to respond?”
You groaned, standing up from your seat. “Forget about it.”
“Bennett, do you have something to tell me?” was your opening question to your roommate as you burst right through the door.
Bennett jolted from his bed, wincing at the sharp pain in his stomach. “No? I—”
“Admit it while I’m still sober!”
“I broke the dryer!” Benny cried. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to! My hands were randomly pressing the buttons and I think—”
“What—So it was you!” you pointed a finger at him, charging forward at his limping figure.“But that’s not what I wanted to hear!”
Bennett moved backward as he felt the stabbing gaze from you. At this point, he wants to die due to his stomachache and not by your killer gaze.
“What—”
“Did you do anything with the letter?”
“The letter to Hat Guy?”
“Yes! The one I wrote when I was drunk!”
“No, I didn’t!” Bennett raised both of his arms in the air as if he were a culprit surrendering to the cops despite his innocence. “But you accidentally knocked out a bottle and the alcohol spilled onto the paper.”
Your eyes widened. “So that’s why!”
“Why what?”
“It spilled, Benny! And you still sent the letter!”
“You insisted!” Bennett cried. “I tried telling you to write another but you said the firsts are always the heartfelt ones and so you blackmailed me into sending it!”
You scowled at your stupidity.
Seeing the displeased look on your face, Bennett shivered. “I swear, I’m telling the truth!”
Your memory was hazy. But you were certain your friend wouldn’t lie to you. Regret always comes second.
Coming after regret is shame. And so, you avoided Hat Guy like the plague. Bennett, being the good friend that he is, covered for you—and for the fact that you were a coward.
Hat Guy doesn’t seem to be looking for you. You were delighted to be living in ignorance that he didn’t seem to care about the letter mishap or your growing affection for him.
You declared to yourself that it was time to move on. And the first step to doing so is to avoid him. For the time being, you took a break from going on expeditions with Benny’s Adventure Team. This should obviate the chances of stumbling upon a Vahumana Researcher.
Or so you thought it was.
Most of your plans do not carry out the way they should be. This theory was proven to be accurate when the last person you wanted to see was knocking right out of your front door.
One sunny day, you buried your nose in a book to keep yourself occupied while trying to avoid a certain someone. Bennett was only beginning to prepare for the day when a knock disrupted your peaceful hour.
“I’ll get it,” Bennett announced before running towards the door.
In the background, you hear the door creaking open and a faint voice. A few seconds later, Bennett came rushing down to your room with sweat trickling down his face.
“Where have you gone? Jogging inside the house?” you asked, putting down your book on the table.
“It’s him! Hat Guy!”
You felt your heart drop at the mention of the name. “What? Why?”
“I don’t know!”
You were about to speak but he already hurried back to the front door. Muffled voices once again fill the background. Soon after, Bennett returned with another dreaded news.
“He said that he needs to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
Bennett went to the front door to ask Hat Guy.
“He said that you still have a contract with him and the Adventurer’s Guild.”
You raised your eyebrows. “Tell him I’m sick.”
“Are you?”
“No!” you shouted. “Just tell him that!”
Bennett, once again, jogged back to the front door. You turned your attention back to your book. The words in the book were blurry. Your eyes don’t scan the words but instead, you wait for a certain blond head boy to get back. Eventually, he returned in no time.
“Hat Guy asked what kind of sickness, or if it was that bad you can’t join him.”
You sighed. Why does Bennett keep on coming back? What game is Hat Guy trying to play?
“Tell him that I’m carrying a deadly disease.”
Bennett went to tell Hat Guy that your health is in danger and came back with a sarcastic question from Hat Guy.
“He asked if the name of the disease was, ‘Avoidant’s Disease.’”
“Screw him!” you sprang up from where you sat.
With clenched fists, you stomped your feet to the front door to meet him.
You were greeted by Hat Guy’s triumphant smirk before telling you, “You look perfectly well for someone who’s sick.”
“Just piss off, will you?”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
You faltered. “What do you mean?”
“Since you accompanied me, I brought you some fruits from Sumeru as payment.”
“Payment?” a line creased on your forehead. “The Adventurer’s Guild pays me for the commissions that I do.”
You would easily accept the gift if only he didn’t put it that way.
“I know,” he nodded. “But to pay for the trouble that I’ve caused, I guess you could call this compensation.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” you crossed your arms against your chest. “It’s not necessary to give me anything in return when I’m only doing my job.”
“No. Even if the Adventurer’s Guild paid you, I still need to give you something. Everything is transactional, you know?”
“Transactional?”
The word stabbed into your chest like a knife. Through all your complaints and avoidance, you never saw it as one. If anything, you thanked fate for bringing you to him.
“Just accept it, will you?” he said, giving you the basket full of fruits.
You looked at it before looking straight into his eyes.
“Hat Guy, you don’t get it do you?”
Hat Guy is silent. This time, you gathered up all the courage and dignity you have left in your body.
“I tried to keep it in for so long, but I don’t think I will be able to hold it back anymore.”
Taking a deep breath, you continued, “I care about you deeply, and I can no longer contain my admiration and affection for you. It is you, and you alone, who has captured my heart. I love you, not because it is convenient or advantageous, but because my heart has chosen you."
His eyes widened. You watch the mixture of emotions that juggled across his face. His shoulders stiffened, and his grip on the basket tightened.
“I didn’t…” he stammered.
You reached out, placing your hand on his. “You don’t need to say anything. I only wanted to let you know how I feel. Not by accidental letters or by my actions, but by my heartfelt words.”
He searched for a hint of insincerity in your eyes, but the more he didn’t find the one he was looking for, the harder it was to make up excuses for his own. “I may need some time to process this.”
You nodded your head. “I know, I’m sorry if this is too much for you.”
“I’ll be off,” he said, almost a whisper.
Hat Guy continued to extend the woven basket to your hand. With a warm smile, you accepted the kind gesture. Hat Guy did not dare to peek at your reaction afterward. For him, it was barely enough to see your hand accepting his gift.
Without a word, he retreated to fade into the distance. Each step felt like a weight in your chest, crushing every part of your soul that only left you a hollow ache in your heart. The uncertainty of his words clung deep into every part of your being.
Things are never certain, not until you meet again—if ever fate will be much kinder to you.