Chapter Text
There's nothing amiss about the morning at first. Alessia is scrolling peacefully through Instagram, Leah sitting up on the pillows beside her with a cup of tea and reading a book. The March sun is streaming in through the windows, lighting the room and bathing it golden. Leah laughs a little at something in her book, Alessia likes a post; they're quiet, content.
A post featuring her name catches Alessia's eye. They don't always come up but she's been tagged in this one, and several times in the comments too. She frowns, clicking on it. She would usually ignore it, but the frequency of her name alerts her to it being something different.
The actual post is short - just a couple of words and her account name. What she cares about is the twelve photos and two videos attached, all of them of her.
Her and Leah.
In a couple they're holding hands walking down the street, and in one of them Leah has her arm wrapped around Alessia as they sit on a bench together, half-hidden by some trees. The sixth is a terrible photo taken on a crappy camera, but the two people kissing at the entrance to the tunnel of Ashton Gate Stadium are still unmistakably her and Leah.
Her heart races as she looks down at the number of likes. Over two million. Hundreds of thousands of comments. She wonders how many people have put it on their stories and sent it to their friends. Well, she hopes wosofan12038 is happy with their likes.
Leah must feel her tense because she looks down at her, frowning.
"Babe?" She peers over at Alessia's phone. "You okay?"
Wordlessly Alessia passes her the phone, shaking her head. She watches as Leah takes in the information, her eyes flicking back and forth across the screen, her hands starting to tremble.
"Fuck," she says softly. "Fuck, fuck, shit."
Alessia acts instinctively, scrambling up and taking Leah's face gently in her hands. "Hey. Breathe."
"But-"
"But nothing. Just breathe."
Leah swallows, doing her best to regulate her breathing, and after a few moments she drops her forehead to Alessia's shoulder.
"I knew that shot outside Ashton was risky," she mumbles, forcing a small laugh out of Alessia. "Fuck. What're we going to do?"
"I don't know."
The post was only half an hour ago. Alessia checks the Lionesses chat but there's nothing, so they haven't seen it - unless that was a copy of an original post made much earlier and they've seen one and aren't saying anything. The thought makes her head spin.
"We can't exactly deny it, can we." Leah's words sound forced, like she's speaking through treacle. "All of those photos show us dating, I mean, it's not like it's something we can pass off as friendship, we're literally kissing in, like, five of them."
"Yeah. I know."
There had been so many reasons not to come out. They'd discussed it before, but in the end it seemed safer and easier to stay hidden for a while. Not to their families and friends, to the people who mattered, but neither of them had been ready for the pressures of being out to the world.
Leah slides out of bed, reaching for her own phone. "I'm going to call Sarina. We should meet with the press team, or at least let them know what's going on."
"Should we? What are they going to do?" Alessia's voice wavers and she hates it. Leah softens from her brisk persona, brushing a lock of hair from Alessia's face.
"They might have some ideas. I don't know. I don't want to be alone in this, and it seems like a good first step."
Alessia feels tears pricking in her eyes. "What's going to happen, Leah? What are we going to do?"
"I don't know." Leah kisses her forehead. "I don't know. But it's going to be okay."
"Are you sure?"
"Promise."
She disappears downstairs to call their coach and Alessia stays kneeling on their bed, her phone clutched in her hand. It's easier for Leah to say. At least she's out - at least it's only a relationship that's being revealed, and not her whole sexuality. She's been picked apart by the media like this before. It doesn't make it any better, but it's familiar.
As for Alessia, she's never had a scandal like this. She's not out to most of the team or even most of her family, with only a few knowing she's gay, and even fewer knowing about Leah.
The team wouldn't be mad, would they? They all understand about keeping relationships and secret and how horrible the media can be, and surely they wouldn't find it weird that they hadn't be ready to tell them? Would Sarina be angry? It's not like it's because they don't trust them.
But seven months ... seven months is a long time.
She leans against the headboard, listening to the faint buzz of Leah's voice from the kitchen, and then does the thing she's always said you should never do, and she Googles herself.
Viral Instagram post reveals secret relationship of England captain Leah Williamson and teammate!
Williamson and Russo, the most unlikely pair of all the Lionesses ... is it true?
European champions and secret girlfriends - the timeline of Leah Williamson and Alessia Russo's relationship in twelve photos.
That last one is stupid - how can you get the timeline from some blurry photos without any kind of timestamp?
Alessia reads them anyway, breathing a little sigh of relief when the first few articles are positive, but slowly growing more and more worried as the scepticism gets higher, as the right-wing side of the news starts to take over her phone.
One of them speculates 'did #6 Williamson blackmail her way into captaincy with her secret relationship?'
Another questions 'how can the famed England women's team ask to be respected like they want when they're hiding everything from their fans?'
Slurs. Questions. Keira and Lucy's names popping up in several comments, which was exactly what she was scared to see. More and more screenshots and reposts. A fucking hashtag which, when she opens up TikTok, has infected her for-you-page like a virus. Tiny snatches of positivity among the tears clouding her eyes. DMs from people she's never heard of.
Then, a notification popping up at the top of the screen.
meado: You might want to check instagram
Alessia swallows and goes to reply.
Less: i already have
meado: I'm so, so sorry. Being outed is horrible, and something that I couldn't wish on anyone. You deserved to come out on your own terms. I hope those involved are ashamed of themselves, honestly.
meado: I'm really happy for you two, though.
meado: I'm here for you both and anything you might need.
Less: thanks, Beth.
Less: do you know if any of the rest of the team knows yet?
There's a pause, and Alessia wonders if Beth is going to lie to her, but another message comes in after a moment.
meado: I saw it myself and Alex reached out to Ella and I having seen it, but none of us have shared it with anyone.
meado: Are you going to tell them?
Less: i'm not sure we really have a choice, to be honest. they'll just find out for themselves if we don't.
meado: I suppose that's true. I'm so sorry, Less.
Less: it's okay, honestly.
Less: well, it's not, but thank you.
meado: Is Leah there with you? Does she know?
Less: she's calling Sarina right now, but she knows. i told her.
meado: Will you let her know I messaged? It might help her - both of you - to know who knows. Remember I'm always here. x
Less: i will. thanks, Beth. x
Alessia closes her eyes to push back the tears.
"It's not fair," she says quietly. "It's not fair."
"Did you say something?" Leah walks into the room and Alessia doesn't think before she launches herself at her, and thankfully Leah catches her and holds her close.
"It's not fair," Alessia repeats into her shoulder. "I wanted to do it on our own terms."
Leah sits down on the edge of the bed, still holding her. "I know. But there's ways we can turn this into our own terms. The press team had a couple of ideas. Sarina already knew, by the way. She was about to call me when she picked up."
"Oh." Alessia bites her lip. "Was she mad?"
"Of course not. She was really sweet, actually, really happy for us. The press team will get onto looking for leaks and trying to stop all the news articles."
"...I'm sensing a but."
"Yeah. Yeah, there's one. We're off the press conference."
"No!"
There are always press conferences at camps, with captain and coach and a few selected players, but the idea of a whole-team one had been voiced last international window, one where all the players could share their thoughts about the Euros and the World Cup. The idea was approved, hopefully to get even more publicity and raise more awareness.
Leah was supposed to be proudly front and centre as newly-appointed captain, and now she's not there.
Because of Alessia.
Because of her reckless idea to kiss in front of the stadium after they won the Arnold Clark Cup, because she couldn't stop herself from holding Leah's hand when they were walking down quiet streets, because she was the one who kissed her when she got drunk and made this whole thing happen.
"I can hear you thinking," Leah says gently. "Talk to me."
"It's not fair you have to miss it. You're the captain."
"All the questions would be about us, now. If we're not there, the girls can just deny it and move on. I'm sure they'll put it on a list of banned questions or something, but it's best to be safe."
"But you're the captain," she repeats.
"I'm also your girlfriend. If you're missing it, I'm missing it, and damn the fucking armband. It's not fair for you, so why should it be fair for me?"
"Why are you so good at talking me out of this stuff?" Alessia grumbles. Leah laughs.
"Because I love you," she replies simply. She rests her forehead on the top of Alessia's head. "Anyway, it's not just about keeping the conference relevant. It's more about protecting us, I think. It would feel awful to be there and know everyone was bursting to ask us, even if they weren't allowed. Extra media attention, whispers everywhere."
"I guess." Alessia sighs. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," Leah says swiftly. "I think we should tell the girls."
"I thought you were going to say that."
"It makes sense. If they hear it from us, they won't be surprised, and it means they won't be asking us questions about us."
"Beth and Alex already know," Alessia remembers. "They found out from Instagram, too. Beth texted me."
Leah hums. "Okay. Do you want me to do it?"
"If you don't mind."
"Of course I don't."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
Leah starts composing a message - a long one, by the looks of things - and Alessia curls up by her side and listens to her breathing and tells herself she's okay.
Leah (c): I don't know how many of you know this, but within the last 24 hours a post was made on Instagram and possibly other social media sites that revealed something quite major. I wanted to be the one to confirm it and tell those of you who don't know. Alessia and I are in a relationship, and we have been since last July. I hope you can all understand why we kept it secret and aren't upset. It's not because we don't trust you or didn't want to share it, but neither of us were quite ready to tell everyone yet.
Leah (c): I also wanted to tell you to explain why we won't be attending the press conference on Thursday, and why you will probably be asked about us then. I'll be making a social media post soon about it, but so far you and Sarina are the only ones to know for definite. We'd appreciate you keeping it to yourselves until we decide our next steps.
"Done," Leah announces. "Here come the replies."
roebuck: i KNEW it what did i tell you guys
meado: Very happy for you guys! xx
rach: mate, you weren't keeping it THAT secret. congrats though x
mearps: FINALLY, I thought I was going to die from all the pining!! sorry it had to come out this way though x
She scrolls through them, calm washing over her as they're each as positive as the last, hearting the funniest ones and taking screenshots of the sweeter ones. Alessia remains still and quiet beside her, but Leah can feel her relaxing with each snort she lets out as a new response pops in.
Then Alessia's phone lights up with an incoming call, and she peers at it lazily, probably expecting it to be from Ella, but when she sees the name she freezes.
"Less?"
"It's my mum," she whispers. "What do I do?"
"Do you want to talk to her?"
Her shake of the head is almost violent. "I'm not - I didn't think they'd know like this."
Leah holds out her hand and Alessia passes her the phone readily enough. She hits the green button before she can be stopped. "Hi?"
"Is that you, Less?"
Alessia bites her lip and shakes her head again.
"No, sorry." Leah laces their hands together, brushing her thumb slowly over her girlfriend's knuckles. "She's in the shower right now."
"Who are you, then?"
At a shrug from Alessia, she tells the truth. "I'm Leah, her teammate."
"Leah ... Williamson?"
"That's me."
"Oh. Well, could you tell her I called?"
"Sure. Do you want to pass on a message?"
"No, thank you."
"Okay then. Bye!"
The call disconnects and Leah drops the phone onto the pillow. "You still with me in there, Russo?"
Alessia gives her a small nod and she just hopes it isn't a lie. Both of their phones are still buzzing with messages; Leah puts them both on silent. The world is blowing up around them but for these few moments they just lie there, holding each other.
It's been a week, and Alessia is still declining her mum's calls.
There were three on the first day, two on the second, a record-breaking five on the third, and another three most days after that. Leah answered a couple of them with lies, and Ella answered one when she was round and Alessia was genuinely asleep, but she's just let the others ring out.
She won't be able to do that for much longer. She shifts from foot to foot and checks her phone again.
Lessi: are you going to be here soon? we're going on in half an hour.
The dressing room has an unnecessary amount of chairs, but she's chosen to stand so she can pace. Up and down, up and down, in time to the words of the meditation app she downloaded and that is just annoying her.
leah: The taxi's broken down, I'm so sorry. Replacement is on its way. I'll be fifteen minutes at most. xx
A runner pops his head round the door. "Any sign of Leah?"
"Fifteen minutes," Alessia tells him. "Her taxi's broken down."
He looks as cagey as she feels, but there's nothing either of them can do about it, so he shuts the door and leaves her alone. She looks in the mirror and adjusts her collar for the hundredth time. She's been on talk shows before, but never for anything that feels this major. If she was nervous before any of them, she's terrified now.
Ten minutes.
She hugs Leah's grey flannel closer around her. It used to be the defender's favourite shirt but Alessia stole it the first night she slept at Leah's house and proceeded to steal it every time she was over there, and now she wears it more than Leah herself does. It feels a little like Leah is there with her.
This is the first of four talk shows and at the rate this is going at, Alessia isn't going to make it all the way through. She wonders if anyone will notice if she climbs out of the window and sneaks into Old Trafford to play football until she feels less like she's going to throw up.
leah: I'm just heading up to the building, you holding up ok?
Lessi: not particularly
It's only five minutes after that when Leah comes through the door, looking dapper and charming in black jeans and a fitted grey shirt with a black leather jacket over the top, and Alessia is jealous of how calm she looks until she takes her hands and sees that the nails are chewed up and her eyes are frantic.
"That's my shirt," is the first thing she says, picking up the sleeve.
"Somebody's taxi broke down and I was panicking." Alessia wraps her arms around her neck and breathes in the smell of her, masked by new clothes and the scent of leather. "Hey."
"Hi, love." Leah kisses the top of her head. "How long have we got?"
"Ten minutes before soundchecks and final makeup," Alessia replies. "The runners are all having heart attacks. I should probably go and tell them you're here."
"Not yet. Stay for a minute."
That's as close as Leah will get to admitting she's falling apart inside and Alessia knows it. She kisses Leah's shoulder, trailing up her throat to her jaw, feeling the tension in Leah's neck as she passes.
"You'd better not be giving me a hickey ten minutes before we go live on national TV," Leah mutters, turning her head so their mouths meet. Alessia snorts.
"You are definitely more likely to do that than me, Leah," she retorts.
"Excuse me! That's probably true," Leah concedes. "Have you practised what you're going to say?"
"I think so." Alessia runs over the plan in her mind. "You?"
"As best as I can."
Alessia grips her hands and grins. "Let's do this."
She can feel Leah trembling as they wait to go on, as the hosts do their spiel and the audience peers around for their cue cards. There's no time to speak or kiss or do any of the things that might ease the nerves, so Alessia just brushes her hand against Leah's, little fingers hooking gently together. The England captain straightens up, tipping her chin into the air, and puts on the smile that will be splashed across YouTube videos for the next week.
At first it's hard, but the presenters are friendly, and when it becomes clear they're not diving straight into the relationship, Alessia relaxes on her stool. They ask about the upcoming World Cup, the approaching end of the WSL, endless mundane questions that let Leah show off as captain and allow for funny quips and digs at their teammates that the audience respond to perfectly.
Then it happens.
"And, of course, we couldn't invite you here without mentioning the fact that recently you came out as bisexual, Alessia." The host closest to her turns to her with a friendly smile. Leah's knee brushes hers under the table.
"Um, yeah, I did."
"Were you always planning to come out, or was it just a result of the leaking of your relationship?"
She takes a deep breath. "I've never wanted to hide who I was, especially after winning the Euros, because we're role models to so many young girls but also older kids too, ones who might be finding themselves, and I don't want them to have to feel alone. But there's a degree of safety in it, too - the media is a very unkind place, and I didn't want their attention on that part of me."
"So would you have chosen to do it, if the photos hadn't been posted?"
"I don't know," she replies honestly. "It's a relief to be out; it's somewhat a relief to have a public relationship, too. But I think there will always be part of me that wants to stay safe and sometimes hiding is the best way to do that."
"Leah, you've been out for several years now, but never gone specifically public with a relationship before. Do you regret this?"
Leah laughs a little. "Of course I don't. It wasn't my choice, no, but I don't regret sharing part of who I am. I don't regret that people know it about me. Like Less said, we don't want to hide who we are. It wasn't the plan, but we're working with it."
"Well, I think you can agree that there are a lot of Lionesses fans out there who are very happy for you."
"Yeah. The support has been ... overwhelming," Leah admits. "The amount of likes and comments, not just about us, or Less' coming out, but support given that it got leaked, people trying to find and block the original poster. It's crazy. I never dreamed we'd be lucky enough to have that."
Alessia takes her hand under the table, not caring whether they can see it on camera or not. I love you, she writes on her knuckles with her thumb. Leah squeezes her hand. The other host leans back in his chair.
"Do you think it's going to negatively affect your fanbase and public image?" He wants to know. "You gained a lot of fame last summer and so many young children look up to you. Do you think this revelation will change that?"
"I mean, of course it will. Kids from all upbringings are fans of us. We can't help what views they hold. But it's not about the support we lose, it's about what we do with the support we still have."
"Surely, though, you want your lasting impression on the sport to be more than 'I'm a woman who's good at football and I'm gay'?"
Something in his tone makes Alessia burn. "What's wrong with that lasting impression? It's an extremely truthful statement, and it lets so many people feel seen in a world that is very much not seeing them."
"Could you not argue, though, that it might be a bad idea to bring to light this aspect of your public appearance, given your fame was brought about by your success at football?"
Alessia frowns. "I'm sorry, but I don't really know what you mean. People watch football because they like football, and yes, we won the Euros, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have a life. My aim, our aim, is to let everyone out there know that no matter who you are, you can do anything."
"Quite right," the first host says, sending a tight smile at her colleague. "Leah, what can you tell us about the media has done for you positively, especially since your second win of the Arnold Clark Cup last month?"
Leah replies with an easy smile and Alessia sits back, tuning her out slightly as she relaxes, smirking to herself at the uncomfortable expression on the annoying guy's face. There's a couple more questions, some fan messages, and then the feed cuts to an ad break and the cameras die away. The hosts stay at the panel, waiting for coffee and whatever snacks they're brought, and Leah and Alessia head out to cheers and applause, still holding hands.
"Okay?" Leah closes the dressing room door behind them. "They didn't focus on it too much, which is good, right? I might report that guy, but you destroyed him anyway."
"He was just confusing. I don't know what he was going on about," Alessia admits frankly, shrugging.
Leah laughs, pulling her close and hugging her even though there's a window and people passing by, and they can hug, and nobody will ask questions, and if she climbs onto the rooftop and kisses her girlfriend the whole city could watch and she wouldn't have to care anymore.
"It'll get easier," Leah says that night, legs tangled under the sheets, Alessia's head resting on her shoulder. "Only three left."
She finds out that it's a blatant lie. The questions are the same bland mix of personal and business, and she repeats the same 'I'm so proud of the girls for what we've achieved since we won' spiel until she's sick of it, first for the talk shows and then for interviews, some in a pair and some alone.
It's scarier to sit alone in a chair and look a faceless interviewer in the eye and say: I love you, Alessia Russo. For the first two she shakes so badly that the chair creaking covers some of her answers and they have to repeat half of them.
In spite of all this, she's glad. She takes Alessia out on a date for the first time in months, one evening after a day packed full of media, and it's so strange and so wonderful to be able to sit in a corner booth and flirt and tease and have their linked hands rest on the table, and damn the general public filling their camera rolls with supposedly-secret shots.
When a photo of them appears on her feed the next day, Leah's face obscured by her hair but Alessia's in perfect quality, she's so staggered by the open love in three eyes (one of hers is hidden) that she puts it on her story.
leahwilliamsonn: My girl ❤
She refuses to admit to Keira what's making her smile so much when she sees Alessia's reposted it with a single matching emoji.