Work Text:
The library was quieter than usual that day. Alhaitham liked silence quite a lot so he couldn't complain though it did seem odd. It made way for all the thoughts in his brain. That much silence also left him with a looming feeling, a certain tightness in his chest. Something bad was about to happen. With a sigh, the gray haired man set down the paper he was working on. He took off his glasses and rubbed at his temples. A pile of old, hardcover books were waiting for him on the side to go through. Alhaitham couldn't complain. Being Sumeru's scribe had never been easy. For centuries he'd maintained the House of Daena all by himself, making sure that no piece of history was lost with time.
Alhaitham reached for his mug and took a sip of the bitter coffee. He despised working overtime but with all the new manuscripts that had been retrieved from the desert it became a necessity. Well, short break done. Time to get back to work. He put the round glasses back on his face, chains dangling as they moved and picked up his book again. That was when he heard the ding of a bell. Alhaitham looked up on instinct, as he'd gotten used to do everytime the bell signaled the arrival of a visitor. As soon as his eyes caught sight of the man standing in the doorway, a slightly confused look on his face, Alhaitham froze. He dropped the pen in his hand and couldn't do anything but stare.
A face he'd never hoped to lay eyes on again.
A face as beautiful as ever, with those lovely bronze eyes and that sweet smile.
It was as if the entire universe decided to drop on his head that day. Kaveh's hair was longer than it'd been in the past. Still as sun-kissed as ever. He'd caught it in a small ponytail and put the rest into two tiny braids going down towards his chest. So beautiful in every life. It made something sting in Alhaitham's chest as he saw the blonde blink at him, confusion written all over his face.
"Hello? Are you the librarian?"
Right. He had a job to do. Regardless of whatever past he shared with another version of this person, none of that mattered anymore. Alhaitham swallowed dryly and nodded, scolding his expression back into the usual disinterest.
"Yes, that would be me. Do you need anything?"
The blonde advanced, searching for something in his suitcase. He pulled out his phone and turned it to Alhaitham, showing the title of a book which the librarian recognized as being about architecture.
"Do you think I can find this here?"
Alhaitham tried to ignore the ringed fingers holding the phone or the charms hanging from the case. It appeared Kaveh was still the same as ever. He nodded.
"Give me a few moments to retrieve it. Do you have a library card?"
"Ah, no. I just moved here and this is my first time coming to the House of Daena. A fancy name, isn't it? It fits, this place looks amazing."
Kaveh seemed a little too excited. It hurt to see him like that when the last thing Alhaitham remembered was the blonde's dead body in a cold bathroom.
"I'll make you one." He said, barely keeping his composure. Only the centuries of experience he'd gained helped him go through with it. He typed down Kaveh's personal information into his computer and then wrote him a card for the library. "Here. You will be able to borrow books from us with this. I'll be back in a moment."
Alhaitham was thankful for that excuse. He disappeared through the shelves filled with heavy books and tried very hard not to think back on the past. It wasn't something he liked to think about but faced with the very person he'd hurt, it was impossible not to.
Kaveh. The man he'd hurt so bad. The man he didn't want to hurt ever again.
Alhaitham did a good job at avoiding him in the past so why did Kaveh had to come to him? Couldn't he have found another library? Well, maybe not. Sometimes fate had a cruel way of repeating itself. Alhaitham knew that book very well, it was the one a previous reincarnation of Kaveh had written. It made sense that the man would be looking for it again.
He picked it up and brought it to the desk where Kaveh still waited patiently for him. Well, not exactly patiently, that word had never been part of the blonde's vocabulary. He picked up the book Alhaitham was working on before he arrived and was flipping through it once the librarian returned. Any anger he might have felt in the past as that was burned out by the years of suffering and guilt. He cleared his throat, drawing the blonde's attention and immediately saw him stumbling to put the book back.
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to mess with your things-"
"It's fine."
Alhaitham really didn't feel like giving in to that urge of his and arguing with the man again. He offered him the book he'd asked for and returned to his seat. It would be fine. Kaveh could take that book and disappear with it if he desired. Alhaitham wouldn't mind. Being back into the blonde's life could only lead to misery.
Kaveh however didn't seem very interested in leaving. He leaned over Alhaitham's desk, shirt lifting up more than before and revealing the shiny emerald jewel hanging from his belly button. "Can I have your name, mister librarian?"
"No need for pleasantries. I am simply doing my job," Alhaitham said coldly.
Kaveh didn't seem discouraged. "You know all my info. It's only fair if you tell me something in return. Besides, a name is not such a big deal, isn't it?"
"You are disrupting my work. Which, by the way, does not require you to know my name."
Kaveh stepped away with a pout. Alhaitham felt something break into him at the momentary sadness on the man's face. He hated to be the reason for it once again.
"Alright then. I'll see you again, Mister Librarian."
Alhaitham's fingers clenched on his pen, fighting the urge to chase after him, to beg him to stay. He didn't want to let Kaveh go away again. And yet… Alhaitham couldn't allow himself to be selfish. He watched as the blonde waved goodbye and disappeared behind that heavy wooden door with the promise of returning someday. Alhaitham didn't know if that made him feel better or worse. He sighed and let his head rest on his hands. A headache began to pound at his temples as he fought hard not to think back on the past. There was nothing there but regrets and pain for him. Alhaitham didn’t sleep at all that night. He was plagued by scenes from the past, all involving the beautiful blonde who passed by his library.
They had been married back then. They'd lived together as husbands— looking back on it, Alhaitham didn't understand how Kaveh could tolerate being in the same house as him. He’d been nothing but cruel and mean, unable to show care in the way Kaveh needed it, as the man had told him on multiple occasions. There had been happy moments too, he was sure of that. Despite Kasveh’s constant reminder that he could do better, the man wouldn’t have been with him if there wasn’t something good keeping him there. Love. Somehow Alhaitham always managed to fuck that up.
Kaveh was passionate about his projects. He always put everything he had into them, exhausting himself until they came out perfect. It was one of the things that drew Alhaitham to him in the first place, that passion and determination. Other people didn’t see it, didn’t value it as they should have. Looking back on it, perhaps Alhaitham himself hadn’t done enough either. But he’d been there. Most of the time. And that mattered, somehow, to Kaveh, enough to get the man to fall in love with him. Until Alhaitham fucked that up as well.
It was a particularly important opportunity for Kaveh. Alhaitham thought it seemed shady at best. Too much to risk, too much to lose. He didn’t like it one bit. Naturally, he told Kaveh that. They had been together for many years already, they were both used to each other’s habits, Kaveh’s determination and Alhaitham’s blunt honesty. However he misunderstood how fixed on something his husband could be, no matter how dangerous.
“I’m just warning you, Kaveh, this is too dangerous. You shouldn’t go.”
He’d barged into his husband’s office and started arguing with him. It wasn’t an unusual thing for them to argue but this had quickly spiraled into something worse.
“You really think I’m that incapable? That I can’t take care of myself for one single project in the desert?”
Truthfully, Alhaitham knew well enough that his husband could handle himself. He’d done a large number of projects, both in Sumeru and other nations. There shouldn’t have been anything different about this specific one. And yet there was that feeling of wrongness in the back of his mind, that warning that he really shouldn’t let Kaveh leave. If only Alhaitham had known how to express it.
“ I’m merely pointing out the facts,” he’d said instead. The look of hurt on Kaveh’s face still haunted his dreams, even now, centuries later. He’d wanted nothing more than to erase it back then, to take back his words and cradle Kaveh’s face in his hands, wiping his tears away. He hadn’t seen Kaveh cry in years.
Of course, the mission had gone just as bad as he predicted it would. Kaveh barely made it out alive, injuries so bad the healer worked on him for hours. The funding for the project was completely wasted and even more, due to their huge failure, it slapped a bad reputation on everyone involved. Alhaitham had rushed to the hospital, his heart clenched in his chest and teeth gritted so hard he thought they might crack. He released a sigh of relief when he saw Kaveh, covered in bandages and looking like he barely just made it out alive but still breathing. And yet when he opened his mouth he couldn’t express how happy he was that Kaveh had made it back, everything else be damned. No, the words that left his traitorous lips were cold and cruel, devoid of any of the emotion that he was feeling.
“ I told you not to go.”
The hurt was back into Kaveh's eyes. He was in pain, both physical and emotional, biting his lip very hard in an attempt not to cry again.
" Get out!"
Alhaitham opened his mouth to say something. When Kaveh yelled at him again, using every last bit of strength to force out those two words, he turned his back and left.
***
The librarian looked just as bad as he felt the next day when he got to work. He was very tempted to take a few days off from his job and maybe disappear for a while. That would have meant he wasn't going to see Kaveh ever again and as much as he knew that was the better option it tore him apart to think of it. He couldn't bear the thought of losing the blonde again, after he'd just got the chance to see him. Naturally, Alhaitham had no plans to talk to Kaveh and if the young architect ever passed by the library he would act as cold and closed off as possible. He'd always done a rather good job at that after all.
Kaveh returned to the library two days later. He brought back the book he'd borrowed and signed the papers with a wide smile on his face.
"My project is going great!" He announced while Alhaitham tried to put it off with an unimpressed glare. "Come on, don't be like that. This means I'll finally get enough money to pay rent and have enough to buy food. You wouldn't believe the shit I've been eating to survive."
That was…worrisome. Alhaitham made a mental note to get ahold of Kaveh's bank account and send him a large sum of money some time soon. He owed him at least that.
"Actually, now that I have money, how about you and I go out sometime?"
Alhaitham nearly spit out his coffee. They what? He looked at Kaveh, confusion written all over his face as he expected the invite to be a cruel joke. Maybe fate's way of punishing him. There was nothing like that in Kaveh's expression, he seemed genuinely honest.
"Oh come on, you're a cute guy. Is there some sort of rule about not asking the librarian out that I missed?" Kaveh joked, an attempt to lighten the mood. He seemed entirely composed and unbothered by Alhaitham's reaction but the man still knew him well enough to recognize certain mannerisms. Like the way his fingers were fiddling with that lovely scarf hanging by his belt or how restless he was, unable to sit still. Kaveh was afraid to be rejected. It made Alhaitham's heart ache even more for what he was about to do.
"I'm not interested," he replied shortly. It was necessary, he told himself. It would help drive Kaveh away from him so he couldn't hurt him again. Alhaitham placed the library stamp onto one last paper and stood up, unable to handle being in the same room as Kaveh. Just leave , he silently begged. You are hurting us both by trying to have something with me again.
Kaveh did leave. He looked rather sad as he waved bye and disappeared behind that wooden door. Alhaitham slumped in his chair, his heart torn in his chest. Maybe he should have considered that break more seriously…
***
The architect was back again the next day. Instead of borrowing the books to read at home, he brought a coffee and a laptop and preferred to study there. It became a habit for him to waltz into the library at noon and attempt to strike up conversation with Alhaitham as the librarian picked up his books. Despite Alhaitham's efforts to stay away they got much closer over the course of the weeks. It would have been impossible not to with Kaveh's constant pestering.
As happy as he was to see him everyday, Alhaitham's mood didn't get any better. Kaveh's presence in his library was a constant reminder of how much he'd wronged the man. Seeing him happy and doing so well in this life compared to the one they lived together was enough proof that they were never meant to be, despite the red thread that once tied them together.
He remembered their last days together. Kaveh barely got out of his room, refusing to even see his husband. Alhaitham just wanted to give him space after the blonde disappeared for days when he forcefully barged into his room to talk. That was the last time they talked. The next time it was a letter, the contents of it too hard to read out loud.
"Alhaitham, why is my presence bothering you so much?"
The librarian startled, forgetting all about the pile of books he was supposed to put back in their places. He hadn't expected that question. The answer was clear as day in his mind, Kaveh's presence didn't bother him, it was in fact welcome. What worried him was getting too close and hurting the blonde again.
"Because you're loud and annoying," he said instead.
"Then, should I stop talking while I'm here?"
As much as he pretended it wasn't, Alhaitham truly loved when Kaveh rambled about random things.
"Do whatever."
"But I'm bothering you!"
Ah, why couldn't he just let it go? It would force Alhaitham’s hand to drive him away and he did not want that. He was rather content with what they had, a librarian and library visitor who constantly tried to hit on him. It was better than not seeing Kaveh at all and he didn't want to lose that.
"Just forget about it."
Kaveh's face twisted into a pout and he dropped his head on the opened book at his table. "I don't want to bother you though."
"You're not. Now let it go and get back to your work."
Kaveh's whole face lit up at that once sentence. He opened his eyes, staring at Alhaitham from behind his lashes. It hurt to see him look so vulnerable.
"Then will you go on a date with me?"
Alhaitham wanted to slap himself. The last thing he wanted was to give this already hurting man hope that there could be something between them. He sighed and simply left. The disappointment in Kaveh's pretty eyes would haunt him for hours afterwards.
Something about that conversation must have bothered Kaveh. He didn't show up the next day. It raised a question mark in Alhaitham's head but he figured it was to be expected. Kaveh was an architect, he must have been busy in some other places too. Though he suspected Kaveh didn't actually need his books after catching the man playing games on his laptop a few days earlier.
Kaveh didn't return the next day either. Or the day after that. Before he knew it, it had been a week without the blonde's presence. Despite himself, Alhaitham began to worry. His eyes fixed the door, expecting Kaveh to come in at every moment, to look at him with those beautiful eyes and smile. He sighed. The clock was nearing closing and it didn't look like he was getting any work done that evening.
Alhaitham greeted the last visitors as he gathered his books from the table. His hand stopped on the journal, eyes catching on the page it was opened at. It was where he'd noted down Kaveh's personal information to make his library card. His full name, birthdate and an address where he could be found in case of legal trouble. Alhaitham's fingers wavered. He knew he should just let it go and be happy that Kaveh left. It was for the better and it meant he could no longer hurt the blonde with his cold actions. Honestly, no wonder Kaveh had got enough of him after how he'd treated him in the past weeks.
And yet…
Alhaitham knew Kaveh. They shared a life together after all. The blonde never changed. He wouldn't just disappear like that. If anything, at least Kaveh could have the satisfaction of turning him away from his door.
There he was. A lonely idiot walking to the very place he wasn't supposed to go, digging himself into an even deeper hole. He realized with shock that he knew the road to Kaveh's place like the back of his hand. It was Alhaitham's old house, the one where they once lived together. A lot of things had changed over time but the house still held so much familiarity that it hurt. Seeing it again felt like a kick to the gut.
Alhaitham didn't know what to do once he got to the door. He stood for a few long minutes in the street, waiting for something…he didn't know what. It was almost laughable, with how calculated he usually was, coming here with no plan at all was so out of his style. But he was no coward. If he came there to do something he was going to do just that. Even if it stabilized the very thing he'd been trying to avoid.
Just this once, to see if he's alright. I'll be out of town tomorrow. That trip to Fontaine for Sarai's manuscript was due long ago anyway, he reasoned. It felt like a lie even in his mind.
That was Kaveh after all. Once you got close it was impossible to stay away.
With those encouraging thoughts - that was foolish, he didn't need any encouragement, he was just a librarian worried about one of the regulars - he raised his hand and knocked on the door. Alhaitham counted the seconds in his head with no response from the other side of the door. He sighed. If not for the light seeping through the window he would've just assumed Kaveh wasn't home. He knocked again, louder but nothing happened. Alhaitham didn't want to admit how worried that made him.
"Kaveh? Are you home? It's me."
The librarian didn't think that would have any effect. He was ready to knock again when he heard a loud sound of something falling over from inside. His heart caught in his chest, brain rushing through all the million instances he could find Kaveh in. A vivid memory of the time he tried to find the blonde to apologize in one of his previous lives only to walk in on him fucking some guy flashed through his mind. His cheeks burned, praying this wouldn't be a repeat of that. The click of the door unlocking reached his ears and he prepared himself for the worst.
"Hi," Kaveh greeted weakly.
His cheeks were red, looking almost feverish and he swayed on his feet. Alhaitham stared at him for a moment before reaching out to steady him. He was more than aware of his former husband's drinking tendencies to recognize the signs.
"What happened?"
Kaveh seemed alright at the library. There had been no signs to show that he was going to get himself wasted like that.
"Just a bad couple days. My project, the one I've been working on all this time… Well, I should've expected it. It's been rocky for a while now, this was nothing surprising. I just- I wished for once things would turn out good for me." Kaveh looked absolutely wrecked. Tears started streaming down his face and he tried to step back, away from Alhaitham's eyes. His legs gave out and he collapsed rapidly to the floor. Alhaitham's hand on his back was the only thing holding him. The librarian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He'd been too focused on all the worse things that might happen that he didn't even consider that.
"Let's get you to bed."
Kaveh didn't argue but his eyes fixed the floor, looking deeply ashamed.
"Oi, what's with this look?"
"...nothing."
"You're a bad liar, Kaveh."
Alhaitham got him to the comfortable couch he'd laid out for himself as a bed and helped him take his shoes off. He tried to ignore the bottles of wine scattered around the room and the smell filling up his nostrils. It would probably be better if he didn't point it out while Kaveh was at such a low.
Kaveh sighed, hiding his face in his arms. "I didn't want you to find me like this."
"Well it's too late for that now," Alhaitham said. "Besides, someone had to make sure you weren't drinking yourself dead." Perhaps that was a tad bit further than he intended. It wasn't like he could take it back once he said it so he busied himself with finding a clean cup and some water. That was how it always had been. Him saying the wrong stuff and ending up hurting Kaveh.
"See, I knew there was a gentle side to you." Kaveh chuckled as he accepted the water. He wiped his tears with his sleeve before leaning on his side on the couch. Alhaitham just stared at him. He wanted to deny it, no one ever told him that before, certainly not Kaveh, but he couldn't find his words to do so.
"Hey, will you take me up on that coffee now? I'd take you somewhere nice. Or if that's not to your liking I can find something else, maybe wine?" Kaveh tried one last time. There was no sign of the usual hopefulness, like he already knew what Alhaitham's reply would be.
"No, no more wine for you." Alhaitham said, resigned. He dropped his coat over Kaveh's shoulders to serve him as a blanket and headed towards the door. It was late and the man was doing better. His job there was done. Still, he couldn't just leave. It was impossible to refuse Kaveh. Even someone as cold as Alhaitham wasn't immune to his charms. It was a curse, one that he didn't mind one bit.
"Come to the library with those books you last borrowed and I'll consider it."
Kaveh looked very confused for a moment, like he wanted to tell him to take the books himself. Alhaitham watched gradually as his eyes widened once the realization hit him. A chance at a date? Alhaitham enjoying his company and wanting to see him again, even after all that? Hell, he'd take that anytime. With how life had treated him, meeting Alhaitham had been the only light for him. He smiled, genuine happiness showing all over his face.
"I'll see you tomorrow then."