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Love Me As I Am Not As I Was

Summary:

Where, “restored to full Angelic status” didn't mean what the Angel thought it did.

Notes:

The idea for this fic actually came about because of ANOTHER fic that came up on Twitter.

+++++ = Character change. The first part is Crowley’s POV and the remainder of the fic is Aziraphale’s.

Hope you enjoy the angst, feels and fluff. 😈😇

Posting Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Restored to full Angelic status.

Aziraphale was so happy he was practically vibrating

Crowley…was not. He felt cold as his heart sank. Why could he never see Heaven for what it was, a place that manipulated its beings just as badly as they did in Hell. Toxic, the whole lot of them. 

He wanted to get angry, ask him why he couldn’t just be happy the way things were…or maybe see if they could be… more , rather than try and change him so he could fit into the neat little box Heaven wanted the Demon to fit into, but he knew it would just fall on deaf ears. Aziraphale was stubborn and pigheaded, gaslit and indoctrinated along with the others by the place he saw as good from his creation onward. Crowley had lost those rose tinted glasses centuries ago. 

So the Demon would have to make sure the Angel was protected. He knew the other Angels' attitudes could change on a dime and he imagined that Michael was going to be pretty resentful of the fact they’d been pipped to the post for a possession he was sure they'd been coveting for a long time. And the Metatron, bastard that he was, could get rid of Aziraphale in an instance if he deemed that the Angel had outlived his usefulness. 

Crowley would do this because he'd finally come to terms with something pretty significant after talking to Maggie and Nina. He loved Aziraphale, had done so for a long time, and he had to keep him safe, no matter the cost. 

He'd sacrifice it all for the Angel that he loved. 



+++++



He'd said yes

Aziraphale was so happy as the lift ascended to Heaven he felt like he was bursting from the metaphorical seams! Crowley had said yes

Everything would be better now. The existing plans, "upstairs" would be looked at and maybe snipped a little here, tweaked a little there, and he could do it all with Crowley by his side! No talk of Demons or "bad guys" because he'd be an Angel just like everyone else in Heaven, working by his side, doing good! 

He felt like he was dreaming, he never would have thought in a million years that the Metatron would produce such an offer, it had never been done! But he'd seen what the two of them could achieve, had achieved as partners and-and-he did, as the humans put, threw caution to the wind and took a hold of Crowley's right hand, it was only the second time he'd done this deliberately and it felt like something fluttered in his stomach. There could be no problem with it, like the Metatron had said he'd seen how the two of them had been over the years, so he must have known that what he and Crowley had was far deeper than friendship. 

The newly appointed Supreme Archangel looked at Crowley to see his reaction and well…the Demon rarely smiled. Smirked, sneered on occasion but rarely truly smiled, and yes he smiled at him now, but even with him wearing his sunglasses somehow he knew that it wasn’t reaching his eyes. 

He gave a small smile of his own as he squeezed Crowley’s hand. It would just take time…he’d see. 

The lift door pinged open and on the other side stood Michael, Uriel and Saraquel all with matching shocked expressions on their faces.

Michael tried to say something, well several tiny aborted somethings before the Metatron stopped them, 

“Now you’re probably all wondering why I’ve returned with Aziraphale and the Demon Crowley. 

Well the reason is this, Aziraphale here has agreed to take over the position of Supreme Archangel after Gabriel’s…departure and part of that agreement is that the Demon Crowley will be joining him as soon as he formally takes up the position he will have the ability to restore Crowley to full angelic status and help him in the planning of The Second Coming.”

Oh . Aziraphale hadn’t been told that part, but now he was up here maybe he could get the other Angels to change their minds, or delay it, minimise damage-

Crowley squeezed his hand… hard but remained silent. He could guess the Demon’s views on this, could’ve guessed even outside of this. Time. All it would take is time…and teamwork. 

Aziraphale saw that Uriel seemed to try and tamp down on what appeared to be bewilderment at the situation that played in front of their eyes. They weren’t really doing a good job at it, 

“But Your Grace…it’s-it’s never been done .”

“All the more reason to start now ! There have been certain things in place that haven’t quite gone as they maybe should have so it seems only right that we try something new!”

Michael opened their mouth, probably to get their point of view across, but the Metatron raised his hand and they snapped their jaw shut. 

When the Voice of God seemed satisfied that no one else would try to argue their point he continued, “Now if there’s nothing else we have a ceremony to prepare for.”



*****

 

“Do you, Aziraphale, vow to uphold the ethics and values of Heaven-”

Crowley snorted. Snorted! At the Metatron’s words.

Aziraphale turned from where he'd been facing the Metatron and arched an eyebrow at the Demon, although he did look truly remorseful, “Sorry Angel. 

Carry on everybody.”

The Voice of God looked at Crowley for a moment before he returned his gaze back to Aziraphale and continued, “Right, where were we? Ah yes, 

Uphold the ethics and values of Heaven in your role as Supreme Archangel, using your power to help fulfil Her Righteous Plan?”

“I do.”

“Excellent. So by the power vested in me, the Metatron, Voice of God, I pronounce you Aziraphale, Supreme Archangel and Commander of the Heavenly Host. 

There was nothing for a moment and then it was like he was being slowly filled with light and Her love, spreading through his body until he felt it from his hair right to the tips of his toes. It didn't end there though and the intensity of it steadily increased. It was so much, almost too much, and everything around him started to blur and-

Aziraphale hadn't really realised he'd started to fall until he felt long arms as they swiftly wrapped round his waist, holding him up. 

Oof! It’s alright Angel, I’ve got you.”

He turned to look at a familiar face that was a tad closer than it had been what felt like both a second and an eternity ago, "Thank you Crowley."

The Demon smiled softly at him, "You OK for me to let go now?"

The now Supreme Archangel gave himself a little time to see how he felt before he nodded and Crowley slowly let go. 

It could be he was still slightly disoriented as it didn't appear the other Angels had moved from where they'd been before he'd made his vow. Never mind. The main thing was that he hadn't. 



*****

 

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be, Angel.”

Aziraphale didn’t know how to proceed. Like Uriel had said nothing like this had ever been done before. There was no, “Restoring your Demon Soulmate to full Angelic status for dummies” manual for this.

His hands hovered over the Demon's body. She put them on his head? Shoulders? Hands ? Did he even need to touch him at all, the Metatron hadn't. 

“OK,” he took a deep breath in and then slowly blew it out, “OK, so if I just-,” 

The Supreme Archangel took hold of both the Demon's hands, "I restore you, the Demon Crowley to full Angelic status."

Aziraphale felt a warmth grow in his hands and then pass swiftly into Crowley's hands and the Demon let go like he's been burnt. 

"Dizzy," was the last word the Demon spoke before his legs seemed to go out from under him and Crowley fell to the floor. 

Aziraphale felt incredibly guilty that he hadn't done what Crowley had and caught him before he fell. Hopefully he hadn't injured himself in the process, and got down onto his knees next to what he assumed now was Angel Crowley 

"Crowley? Crowley …are you hurt? Crowley?"

" Ugh …"

"Oh, thank goodness! Do you need any help getting up? 

The Angel groaned in response before he slowly reached for his sunglasses and pulled them away from his face. 

"Crowley?"

The only response he got was another groan as the Angel pushed himself up. 

Aziraphale hadn't thought it was to feel cold in Heaven, but it appeared he'd been wrong. 

The Supreme Archangel let out the shaky breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding in. He didn't want to ask him the question that was poised at the tip of his tongue, because a large part of him didn't want to know the answer. Because the answer he was growing more certain he would get as each second seemed to crawl by, would most likely break him. 

"Bar?," he asked.

The answer he got, the one he knew he'd get shattered his heart into a million tiny little pieces as dark brown eyes looked back at him,

" Of course . Who else would it be?"