Work Text:
love.
pagmamahal.
If you were to ask every single person in this world kung ano ba talaga ang depinisyon ng pagmamahal sa kanila, gamit lamang ang isang salita, masasagot kaya nila ito? Will they be able to answer it immediately? no second guesses? without inhibitions?
Sabi ng iba, 'love is patient' daw. Sabi naman ng iba, 'love is freeing' . Yung tipong… pakakawalan mo? Mahal mo kasi kaya pakakawalan mo? Ganon? Ano yan… ibon?
or baka naman maling tao yung mga napag tanungan ko? Sabi naman nung iba, 'love is love' daw eh. So ano yung sagot? Nasagot ba yung tanong?
Hindi ko alam.
Wala akong alam.
Pero kung ako ang tatanungin? I think the real definition of love for me, sa akin lang, ha? Is him. Mark Lee.
What is love? Ewan ko, tanong mo kay Mark Lee.
– ☘
Si Mark Lee na always willing to listen sa mga hinaing at rants ko sa buhay.
"Ewan ko ba, pagod na 'ko magpaalala sa kanya! College na kami and already graduating at that. Kala mo high school pa siya na kailangan isubo lahat. May time for gala with friends pero no time para sa paper? May time for coffee dates sa starbucks, naka-tag pa jowa niya with hashtag '3rd monthsary' pero no time for group work? Kainis!"
Habang nakikinig sa mga salita ng kanyang nobyo, hindi mapigilang mapangiti ni mark at lalong mahumaling sa kagandahan nito. Indeed ve ry endearing.
"Why are you smiling?! As if I'm not stressed enough here, wala namang nakakatawa. Were you even listening sa kwento ko?" pagtatanong ni Haechan kay Mark na unti-unting nakakaramdam ng tampo.
'Patay. Nagtampo na.' sa isip-isip ni Mark.
"I was listening, baby. Sorry hindi lang makapag concentrate, ang cute mo kasi magkwento," sabay tawa at gigil na kurot nito sa pisngi.
"Ugh, baka ma-inlove ka na sakin niyan, Mark Lee! Omg ka, crush mo ba me?! Bawal po taken na 'ko," exaggerated na tanong ni donghyuck.
"Uh-huh. Taken by me. Halika na, tayo naman ang mag date. Hayaan mo na 'yang groupmate mo, alisin mo na lang sa paper."
Sabay na tumawa ang magkasintahan at lumabas na lang sa nang magkahawak ang kamay.
– ☘
Si Mark Lee na sobrang maalaga .
"Mahal, okay ka na? yung gamit mo okay na ba? naayos mo na? ano pang kulang?"
"Okay na, Mark. Can you please calm down? para kang si mom ko pag may outing kami. You think I'm going camping ba? uuwi lang ako samin, Love," sabay tawa sa nobyo na kulang na lang ay palitan na siya sa pwesto niya.
"Paano 'ko mag rerelax, Mahal, eh lagi ka ngang nakakalimot ng gamit. Maski salamin mo minsan hinahanap mo kahit nasa ulo mo lang. Yung cellphone mo pinapatawagan mo sakin 'pag hindi mo mahanap eh hhawak-hawak mo naman. Daig mo pa matanda eh."
"Okay, mom. Whatever blah blah," pang-aasar nito sa nobyo which Mark only found, again, endearing.
Wala naman yatang posibleng gawin si Donghyuck na hindi mahuhumaling si Mark.
"Ah, ganon? Mom pala ha, isusumbong kita kay tita," sabay habol kay Donghyuck upang kilitiin ito.
Hindi talaga nabubuo ang araw nila ng walang kulitan at lambingan sa isa't-isa.
– ☘
Si Mark Lee na laging natatandaan every little thing that I hate and love the most.
"Hi, love. Nakauwi na po ako."
Narito siya ngayon, nasa hamba ng pintuan, bukas na bukas ang mga bisig para sa nakahandang yakap kay Donghyuck.
"Hi," nahihiya at kinikilig na sambit ni Haechan.
"How was your day po? I brought you your favorite! Cheeseburger deluxe with large fries and iced coffee chocolate." Dahil dito, agad na naexcite at napangiti ang nakababata.
Kahit naman kasi siguro anong gawin ng nobyo niya, matutuwa at mapapangiti siya. He's that deeply in love with him.
"Thank you, you didn't have to."
"Eh, of course I wanted to. Deserve ng baby ko 'yan after studying hard for his finals. Ayos ba? Walang kamatis 'yan 'cause I know you don't like those."
Agad na tinignan ni Haechan ang pagkain upang kumpirmahin kung totoo ba ang sinabi ng kanyang nobyo.
"Thank you! You really didn't have to but I appreciate it," sabay halik sa pisngi ni Mark na siyang nagpapula sa tainga nito.
Down bad, bro. He's really down bad.
– ☘
Si Mark Lee na soft and gentle pa rin even during arguments.
"Hindi mo naman ako naiintindihan, that wasn't my point! Ang akin lang, I hope you understand where I'm coming from. Pagod ako, Mark. I know that it's just a simple thing you're asking for pero please understand me, too!"
"Baby, naiintindihan ko. Please let's just eat our food peacefully first before we go through this. We don't have to shout, we don't have to raise our voices-"
"No! If you really understood, you wouldn't be that calm. Parang you're just saying that you understand me just for the sake of ending the argument but you're not really understanding my point."
Ito sila ngayon, nagtatalo sa harap ng hapag kainan. A simple discussion over a simple thing na naging pagtatalo dahil lamang sa parehas na pagod at frustrations nilang dalawa sa araw na 'yon.
"Baby, hindi ganon. I get where you're coming from, Hyuck. I'm not obliging you to give me an update every minute. I just wanted to know if you're safe or kung nasaan ka na. Sino ang kasama mo so that I'll know who to contact in case of emergency. I'm sorry if I seemed demanding to you, pero hindi mo maalis sakin yung pag-aalala."
"Hindi mo naman kailangan mag alala para sakin, I'm already a grown up! Do you think I can't make decisions for myself, is that it?"
"Alam mong wala akong sinasabing ganyan. Haech, can we please stop this? Mamaya na tayo mag usap once we're done eating. Please, nasa harap tayo ng pagkain, baby. Kumain muna tayo."
Dahil sa matinding konsensya at inis na hindi niya alam kung para kanino, ay mabilis na tinapos ni Haechan ang kanyang pagkain at inilagay sa lababo.
"Hyuck, are you done? Please eat properly, baby. I'm not mad, I'm sorry."
"I'm done," sabay pasok ng nakababata sa kanilang kwarto leaving his boyfriend alone in the kitchen.
Ilang oras pagkatapos ng kanilang diskusyon, ito sila ngayon at naghahanda parehas bago matulog. Walang nagsasalita at walang sumusubok na gumawa ng kahit anong ingay.
Agad na tumabi si Mark sa higaan nilang dalawa matapos nitong gawin ang kanyang night routine. Nakaupo ito sa kama habang nakasandal ang likod sa headboard, samantalang si Hyuck naman ay halos nakaupo rin sa kanilang kama habang nagcecellphone sa isang kamay.
Haechan knew that he overreacted kanina. It was just his frustration and tiredness talking pero he knows na hindi sapat na dahilan 'yon upang pagtaasan niya ng boses ang kasintahan. He didn't know how to reach out or say sorry to Mark. Punong-puno ng negative thoughts at what ifs ang kanyang utak na hindi niya napansin that he was zoning out.
"Mahal," sabay abot ni Mark sa isang kamay ng nakababata na hindi hawak ang phone. "Let's talk, please. Ayaw ko po ng ganito. Let's talk without raising our voices this time, please?"
Dahil sa sinabi nito, agad na nakaramdam ulit ng matinding konsensya si Hyuck. Gusto niyang mag sorry dahil alam niyang he was at fault but he didn't have the courage to do so. Kaya naman hinawakan niya na lang pabalik ang kamay ng kasintahan at binitawan ang kanyang phone.
"'m sorry. Sorry napasigaw ako kanina, I was just frustrated but I know that's not enough reason to justify what I did," sambit nito sa maliit na boses.
"I understand, Love. Pero, can we practice not doing that when we're mad, or frustrated, or angry?"
"I know, I'm trying. I'm sorry," sabay tago ng mukha nito sa leeg ng kanyang nobyo. Magkahawak pa rin ang kamay nilang dalawa habang nag-uusap nang mahinahon. Wala nang sigawan o kung ano man na namamagitan sa kanila. They were calm.
"And I'm proud of you for trying. For still trying despite, okay? I know you're not used to these confrontations but you're still trying to change for the better. We all have our own shortcomings and that's okay. I'm still proud of you and I still love you," halik sa noo.
"I just wanted you to give me an update kahit saglit lang kung nasaan ka, baby, or kung sino ang mga kasama mo so that I won't worry much. I know you're really tired from your school workloads recently and it's taking a toll on you, that's why I always try to look out for you as much as possible. Maybe it's your being a panganay of the family talking and I know you're not used to the attention and worry I'm giving you but please, at least let me? I worry for you, baby."
Unti-unti nang namumuo ang mga luha sa mata ni Hyuck but he kept silent. He didn't really wanna talk because Mark was right. He always felt foreign whenever someone worries for him that much dahil hindi siya sanay. Siya ang panganay sa kanilang magkakapatid so he really wasn't used to that worry or attention he's receiving from the older.
Habang dahan-dahang sinasabi ang mga salitang ito ni Mark ay dahan-dahan niya ring pinaglalandas ang kanyang hinlalaki sa likod ng palad ng nakababata.
"Also, please let's refrain from arguing whenever we're eating or in front of the food. We can always talk later when we're both calm and ready, okay?"
Tango ang naging sagot ni Haechan na agad ding nakatanggap muli ng halik sa noo mula kay Mark.
"I love you."
– ☘
"Mark, me time muna, please?"
agad na napatingin ang nakakatanda sa kanya, buong atensyon ay nakatuon rito.
"Mahal, are you okay? me time po? hmm, are you sure?"
The worried look on his face says it all. Ito sila ngayon, nakahiga, nagpapahinga na ngayong gabi dahil parehong pagod mula sa trabaho at eskwela.
Tumango ang nakababata bilang sagot sa tanong nito at agad na sumiksik lalo sa kama, yakap-yakap ang kanyang kumot.
"Okay, Mahal. I'll be on the other room lang, ha? Pero dito po ako mag sleep mamaya after I finish these readings. I won't be able to sleep kapag di kita katabi, I'm sorry."
Nanatiling magka titigan ang dalawa, nangangapa at tila naghihintay sa isasagot ng isa't-isa.
"Haech, can you tell me later what's bothering you po, once you're comfy? I wanna know your thoughts, pero no pressure po, Mahal."
See, this is why si Mark Lee ang definition of love for him. He's always caring and attentive, punong-puno ng gentleness bawat galaw and he never pressures him to do something he's not ready or comfortable with.
Pagkatanong ni Mark nito ay agad na nagtubig ang mga mata ng nakababata, hindi napigilan ang nararamdamang emosyon at overwhelming thoughts na kanina pa bumabagabag sa isip niya.
Dahil dito, Mark became more attentive and cautious. agad niyang niligpit na ang binabasa at itinabi sa bedside table upang maibigay ang buong atensyon sa nobyo.
"Mahal, can we resched your me time instead? I love you and I'm worried. Please? Will you please just allow me to cuddle you here? Promise po i won't bother you, you can even take all the time in the world. I just want to watch over you, please? Tahimik lang din po ako, yakap lang."
"What about your readings? I don't want to bother you just because of this," sagot ng nakababata sa mahinang salita.
"Please don't worry about that. Pwede po 'yon bukas or anytime. Hindi pa naman urgent. My priority is you. Please let's just both rest po? Namimiss na rin kita sobra. We've been so busy lately, hindi ko na napagtutuonan ng pansin ang baby ko."
Pagkasabi nito'y umayos ng higa si mark at isinandal sa kanyang dibdib ang ulo ng kanyang nobyo. Kinumutan niya ang katawan nila parehas at agad na niyakap ang isa.
Habang magkayakap ay tinapik-tapik pa ni Mark nang marahan ang kanyang kamay na nasa bewang ng nakababata. Dahil dito, mas isiniksik ni haechan ang kanyang mukha sa leeg ni mark at agad na huminahon sa kanilang posisyon.
comfort.
payapa.
Ilang sandali pa ay naramdaman na lang ni Mark na basa ang kanyang leeg, marahil ay luha mula sa mata ng kanyang nobyo. Patuloy niya lang itong tinatapik at lalong mas hinigpitan ang yakap sa isa. Hindi masyadong masikip para masakal ito, ngunit hindi rin masyadong maluwag para mawala sila sa puwesto.
T amang higpit lang para tuluyan silang magpahinga at makatulog sa presensya ng isa't-isa.