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Sometimes Jamie gets like this. When he got sent back down to the Gulls, after his injury, finding out he couldn't play for the rest of the season. He can't remember the first time he felt like this, something that has plagued him since way before World Juniors, maybe even when he was on the Otters. The need to get out his head and just forget. Wanting to just slip into a different headspace where everything is quiet. He had tried drinking, but that just left him with a killer hangover, and while the weed helped, his head wasn't fully quiet and calm. He just wanted the waves to stop sloshing back and forth in his brain and even out to the waves of a lake.
Trevor’s seen him like this, he's very much aware of that, he lives with the guy! And while Trevor’s existence helps, he's still missing something. It wasn't until one night at Troy’s that made everything fall into place. There wasn't much space on the couch even when they arrived, hockey players are big guys, with their muscles and hockey butts, luckily he and Trev were able to snag two spots together on the smaller couch, but when he got up to piss and came back, Max had taken his seat. With no other option, he just sat on the floor, his left side pressed lightly against Trevor's leg.
“Oh here dude, sit in between, your back will ache tomorrow if you stay like that.” Trevor said, spreading his legs a bit more, pointing at the space in between. Jamie shuffled into the spot, resting his back on the bottom of the couch. It was rather comfortable if he's honest, sometimes at home he’ll lie on the carpet while watching TV instead of the couch just for a bit of change.
But when Trevor starts playing with his hair is when things feel different. The weight of his hand, along with the way he's being so careful with not pulling too hard, just makes him– Jamie doesn’t know why he feels so calm and balanced from just this but god does it feel good. He pushes his head into Trevor’s hand, hoping he gets the message to keep going, which he does. He sits there, eyes closed as Z plays with his hair. Everything around him is hushed to silence and he can just float in the most calm headspace ever. The last time he felt like this, so calm and reserved, was probably when he was a teenager.
He doesn't hear Mason calling his name, not until Trevor pulls his hair a little to almost wake him up to reality. “Hmm? What?”
“Dude? You good?”
Jamie is NOT okay. Trevor made him feel so incredibly good from just playing with his hair. That one feeling he's been craving for, he just had it. He doesn't know what it is, but he so desperately wants more. He gets up and rushes to the bathroom, leaving his teammates incredibly confused. Z gets up to go after him, he has no clue why Jamie bolted, but he has a feeling to go find him.
Trevor finds him throwing water on his face and forcing himself to try and breathe normally. Z just hugs him from behind, hoping he will relax and eventually open up about what happened.
Jamie racks his brain for any possible way to explain to him that having his hand in his hair made his brain finally go quiet.
“When you- when you played with my hair. It made me feel so…good. Like I have this thing that I don't quite know how to explain and- I just want that again. So can we go home so youcandoitagain ?” The words feel like mush in his head, and they come out slurred as he’s speaking. Luckily Z seems to understand what he's trying to explain, nodding at Jamie and letting out a small hum.
“Yeah yeah, we can go James, of course.” Trevor can see the way Jamie visibly melts when he says they can go home, he takes his hand, squeezing it as he pulls them out the bathroom and towards Troy’s front door, ignoring the hoot and hollering of the guys thinking they are about to go bone despite only being “friends”.
Trevor drives them home, keeping his hand on Jamie’s thigh to ground him. He leads them into the house, hand in hand, never letting go even when he's struggling to unlock the door and open it at the same time, he does eventually do it though. He guides Jamie to the couch after depositing his keys and wallet into a dish on a table by the entry that his mom insisted they get when they first moved in. He throws a pillow onto the floor, seeing if Jamie gets the hint. He doesn't, but that's okay, Trevor can guide him. He places Jamie on his knees on the pillow, before sitting down on the couch.
“Jamie? Look at me bud.'' Trevor says carefully, he doesn't know what mindspace Jamie is in, so his instructions are very direct and small, he doesn’t want Jamie to get overwhelmed and shut down if he can help it. He watches Jamie process the words and look up at him.
“Hi babe, I know you probably don't want to talk right now so I won't force you. Just sit there for a while for me?” Jamie gives him a little nod, making Trevor light up. He stays there on the floor for a good 25 minutes, Trevor’s hand back in his hair carefully carding through it like he did earlier. He wishes he could keep Jamie there for longer, but it's his first time doing this and he's worried for his knees.
“Jamie? I need you to come back to me now.” He says it as carefully as he can, not wanting to startle Jamie, he looks up from where his head had fallen against Trev’s thigh and accepts Z’s hand to help him up and onto the couch.
“How are you feeling bud?” Jamie sits there and takes a few moments to reboot his brain, happy with the fact it practicality shut off during that time he was on his knees.
“I’m okay, what– what did you just do?” He's so confused now, how did Trevor make him forget everything in just a blink of an eye?
“It's called kneeling, it's mainly used in BDSM relationships, but I know a few buddies who use it as a way to reset almost, like after not scoring a goal in over a month. I saw how relaxed you were earlier and suspected that's what you needed…I hope I didn't cross a line, James.” Trevor carefully explains as best as he can to Jamie, not wanting to overwhelm him with information especially after only just kneeling for Z.
“No you're totally fine Trev, that felt– great. Thank you…” Jamie has always been grateful for Trevor, but right now he wishes he could meet the person that made sure their paths crossed in life. Despite only just getting his head cleared he wants it again, tonight, tomorrow and the next day and then the day after that.
“Can we do that again? Sometime soon?” He carefully pronounces his words, hoping they don’t come out jumbled.
“Oh Jam, of course we can. Whenever you want, come find me. If you can't say it, just tap my knees alright?” Trevor takes his hands and holds them, his thumb moving back and forth on the back of Jamie’s hand. Jamie stares at their joined hands, why did he never know how soft Z’s hands were? He really needs to ask him what lotion he uses….
“Thank you, for everything Z. I-I'm so grateful I met you.” Jamie doesn’t mean to get sappy on Monday afternoon with the guy he may or may not have a crush on, but come on, it's Z! The guy he came second to at World Juniors, the guy who got drafted a year before him, the guy who was the first one to reach out after he got drafted insisting they lived together. He knew the ‘Trevor Zegras Effect’ existed but now he’s experiencing it in real life, in the house they live in together, in Anaheim, where they play hockey together, for the same team. He really loves Trevor, platonically and romantically. He gets hit with the overwhelming urge to tell him exactly that.
“I love you, Z” And when he says it with tears brimming in his eyes, Trevor wipes them away and just simply nods, “I know, Jamie. I love you too.”
They carefully lean in, their lips just brushing enough for the other to pull away, but neither of them do, so they go even further, tongues mixing into it, hands roaming all over the place. Trevor pushes Jamie into the couch, crawling into his lap. He has zero clue how much time passes like this, kissing Trevor is so addicting, and just this makes his head clearer. Maybe Trevor just has this effect on him.
He doesn’t remember when they decided to get into bed, but it's dark outside and Trevor has done his nightly skincare, he knows that when he rubs Z’s cheek as they lie there beside each other.
And Jamie is back on his knees the next morning, Trevor playing with his hair as he watches some weird vampire show he's been raving about to Jamie. He brings Jamie back up to reality with one of their pre-made lunch meals, carefully feeding him the pasta carbonara dish and wiping the side of his mouth when some catches on his lip. And if Jamie kneels again the day after, well. That's between him and Trevor.