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Sirius doesn’t think the luck Regulus wished him would be enough to get Remus out of the bathroom.
The night went differently than how he expected it. It’s not like he expected the kiss with Remus to escalate or something, he thought they would at least talk about properly like adults but instead here he was talking to a door. He knocks once more hoping that this time it will get a response.
Still nothing.
Kissing Remus was definitely on his agenda when he and Remus made plans to write for the upcoming album. To be honest, it has been on his mind for days now. Well, it's always been in his mind but he never really thought too much about it. Sirius never really considered that maybe thinking about kissing your best mate wasn’t something everyone did, he always thought that it’s Remus Lupin and everyone does think about kissing him from time to time.
Maybe they do and maybe he thought about it more than anyone.
Sirius’ not sure what happened and what led him to act on it instead of just letting it play out in his mind. Is it the sudden return of James and Regulus? How when they were all young, whenever he was with them, he felt a sort of longing? How he looked at them and then at Remus and wished they were a bit like them? Even then he didn’t know what the longing meant.
I knew I was in love with James when I looked at him and felt safe. When he looks at Remus what does he feel? Was it safety? Was it comfort? Was it love?
Sirius looks at Remus and he feels like he belongs. Belongs in his arms, belongs in his heart, belongs to him.
“Moony.” Sirius knocks once more. “Please, come out.”
“I’m gay.” Remus replied, his voice a bit muffled by something.
Sirius snorted and smiled to himself. “Not what I meant and I already knew that. Please, talk to me.”
“We can talk like this.” Remus said. “If you’re going to say it didn’t mean something, you can say it here and then you can leave me to try and drown myself in your shower.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath. “And they call me the drama queen.”
“What was that?!” Remus shouted.
“Nothing!” Sirius replied quickly. “Come out here already! I’m not going to say it didn’t mean anything. Let’s talk about this like proper adults, yes?”
Sirius heard the sound of the door unlocking and it opened slightly, Remus peaked through the small gap and glared at him. “Stop being mature about this, it’s freaking me out.”
Sirius returned the glare and put his hands on his hip. “What? Do you want me to hide out in the bathroom as well?”
“No.” Remus finally fully opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom. “You can hide out in the bedroom.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled at Remus. He offered his hand to Remus, an offering that this wouldn’t go as bad as Remus thinks. Remus stared at his hand for a while, contemplating and analyzing, his forehead scrunched up and Sirius wanted to kiss it flat. Finally, Remus took his hand, slotted their fingers together and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Staring at their intertwined fingers, Sirius is more sure than ever that he belongs to Remus Lupin.
A few minutes later, Sirius and Remus found themselves sitting at the couch, their feet on the coffee table and their intertwined hands in the space between them. Remus was staring at his lap and Sirius was staring at him, has he always been doing this? Staring at Remus? How many times have he done this and not realize it was so much more than just what he thought? Did everyone see it but him? God, he feels like such an idiot.
Remus squeezed his hand once more and Sirius has a feeling he’s gearing up to say something. Whatever it is, he would let him take his time. No matter how long because he knows no matter what they belong to each other and would find their way.
“So,” Remus started, finally breaking the silence. “We kissed.”
Sirius nodded. “We did.”
“You’re a good kisser.” Remus joked.
Sirius snorted. “Thanks, you too.”
Then silence. Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand once more, hoping it would give him courage.
“I love you.” Remus whispered so softly Sirius almost didn’t hear it. “I’ve been in love with you half of my life probably.”
Sirius scooted closer to Remus, turning his body to fully face him. He squeezed his hand one more.
“I never thought you'd kiss me,” Remus continued. “I never expected anything more, honestly.”
“Why?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask. “Did you just never thought I’ll feel the same?”
“I mean, yeah, but also I never really expected more.” Remus answered, finally looking up and facing Sirius. He lifted Sirius’ leg and placed them on his lap, pulling Sirius into his lap a little. It’s how they would usually sit, only this time it’s Remus who initiated it. “I love you, Sirius, and of course I wanted to be with you but I was also happy being your friend, your best friend. I never pushed for more because I was okay just being part of your life, getting to have all this with you.”
“Does that mean you don’t want more?”
Remus’ face softens, he drops Sirius’ hand and cups his face. His thumb brushed over his cheeks, he couldn’t help but lean into it. “I want whatever you’ll give. As long as I’m in your life, I’m happy.”
Sirius feels it in that moment, all the love Remus has been giving him. From when they were teenagers and trying to figure out who they want to be to this moment when they are adults with a better understanding of who they are. Remus grew up loving him, every version of Remus has loved every version of Sirius. As they grew and changed, the one thing that stayed the same was Remus’ unwavering love for him.
Sirius isn’t sure what he did to deserve that.
“You love me.” Sirius whispered, feeling himself tear up. “All this time you love me and I never noticed. I’m such an idiot.”
“A pretty idiot.” Remus said with a snort.
Sirius glared at him, sniffling a little. “Shut up.”
“Listen to me,” Remus said, grabbing him by the chin. “You don’t have to give me an answer, you don’t have to say it back either. You take as much time as you need to figure out what you want and I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere. So, take your time, okay?”
Sirius stared into Remus’ eyes, it’s so beautiful. He never wants to look away. “I do know what I want.”
Remus' eyes widened with surprise at that. “Well, what do you want?”
“ Blupin .” Sirius said with a grin.
“Excuse me?” Remus said, his forehead once again curled with confusion. “ Blupin as in the ship name our fans gave us?”
“Yes.” Sirius replied, nodding enthusiastically.
“And what is Blupin exactly?”
“It’s what everyone saw that I didn’t.” Sirius said, moving closer to Remus. “Our fans, as crazy as it may seem, watch us very closely and spend hours listening to us. They didn’t just randomly come up with it, they saw something. They saw how you were looking at me and they saw how I was looking at you.”
“And how are you looking at me?”
“Like I’m yours.”
Then the most beautiful smile appeared on Remus' face and Sirius got a little starstruck. It’s a smile he wants to keep for himself, something he can pocket and take out for his bad days. It’s such a beautiful smile and it's directed at him. This must be the world’s way of repaying him for giving him a shitty childhood.
“And are you?” Remus asked, still smiling. “Mine?”
“If you’ll have me.”
“Might as well,” Remus said with a shrug. “I’ve been yours since I was 15.”
Sirius couldn’t hold back anymore. He pushed himself up and kissed this beautiful man of his. Eagerly Remus returned the kiss, soft and slow, not rushing for it to become more, no pressure whatsoever because finally they are on the same page.
In Remus’ arms, Sirius is home.