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Days off were Jeongin’s favorite, not necessarily because they got a day to themselves, but because of what happens the night before the day off.
“It’s sleepover night.” Chan announced as the Hyung line and Jisung strolled casually into the younger males’ dorm. Although to Jeongin, everyone was the Hyung line.
They all carried their pillows under their arms, Jisung even carrying his anime pillow. Seungmin got up from his spot on the couch to start moving furniture when they arrived, Changbin dropped his pillow onto one of the couches and proceeded to help Seungmin. When the dorms had split from one to two, the boys made it a habit to have sleepover nights. They already spent so much time together while working and touring but they had lived together for so long that it was weird not being around each other at night time too.
So the group bought a bunch of thick floor mattresses for each dorm that they brought out and laid together in the living room every time they had a sleepover. Every one would choose a ‘cuddle buddy’ as Felix liked to call it and they would share the four floor mattresses all night.
Some nights it would be a movie night, they would pick a movie or a series to watch together with snacks galore; other times it would be a home cooked meal from Minho and Chan which everyone loved and Felix would make dessert for them.
Tonight was party games night.
This was a fairly new addition to the sleepovers but it was one that Jeongin enjoyed because it meant being closer to his Hyungs and just having a lot of fun.
“So I was googling games to play and there's this thing called hot polish? It’s kind of like hot potato but with nail polish. Whatever color you get when the music stops is the color you have to wear.” Chan told them all with a grin and showed off his nail kit. “I only really have black and white but I’m pretty sure Felix has a collection of colors somewhere in his room.”
Felix nodded. “I do. I like variety.”
“How fun.” Jisung commented. “I’ve been wanting to have my nails done again.”
“At least this one won’t be as awkward for you as last time.” Changbin chimed in.
Minho leaned over the back of the couch to get everyone’s attention. “Are Hyung and I cooking dinner tonight?”
“Can we get take out instead?” Jisung asked.
Minho smiled softly at him. “Anything for you, my love.”
“Gag.” Changbin said with a long groan.
Minho pointedly ignored his comment. “What’s everyone in the mood for?”
“Pizza!” Hyunjin and Felix said at the same time.
Minho narrowed his eyes at them. “You three pre-planned this didn’t you?”
Hyunjin and Felix shook their heads while Jisung answered with a yes.
“Traitor.” Hyunjin pouted.
Jisung stuck out his tongue at them and Jeongin chuckled to himself as he watched them all interact. He then went over to sit beside Seungmin who was sitting alone on the couch.
“Hi Hyung.” Jeongin said quietly.
Seungmin smiled at him. “You’re trying to escape the chaos already?”
Jeongin nodded. “This can escalate so fast, you never know with this lot.”
Both of them eyed the other boys suspiciously as they all bickered, Jeongin and Seungmin giggled amongst themselves. Minho got everyone’s opinion on types of pizza to order before going into his bedroom to make the order so he wasn’t distracted by the shouting that had begun almost immediately.
“How are we picking our cuddle buddies tonight?” Seungmin asked loudly so they would all stop shouting.
Felix immediately wrapped his arms around Changbin’s waist and clung to his side reminding Jeongin of a koala. “I want Binnie Hyung.”
“I want Minho Hyung.” Jisung said quietly.
Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “Wow big shocker there.”
Jisung looked ready to square up and Hyunjin hid behind Chan for protection. Jeongin looked at Seungmin.
“Rock paper scissors for Channie Hyung?” Jeongin suggested.
Seungmin shook his head. “I’m not in the mood to be cuddled tonight so I’m taking Hyunjin. Good luck.”
Jeongin’s eyebrows furrowed together in a slight frown. “If you didn’t want to cuddle, why not just ask me to be your buddy?”
“Because that defeats the purpose of intermingling the dorms.” Seungmin explained and Jeongin nodded in understanding.
Jeongin wasn’t an affectionate person by nature. Even though he was positive he loved his members in various different ways, some; like Chan and Felix, he loved more than the others but even with them the affection didn’t come naturally to him.
They never really gave him a choice though. Both of the Australian boys were the literal definition of cuddly, like open a dictionary and there they are right under the word. Jeongin didn’t mind their cuddles, he played it off like it annoyed him most of the time but the truth was; he was grateful they were taking the initiative for him.
He wanted to be close to all of his members, he could see how strong the bonds between everyone else became after they showed any type of affection towards each other. Jeongin wanted to do that too but he found it next to impossible.
Jeongin glanced over at Chan who was looking back at him with the brightest smile he had ever seen. Jeongin knew Chan loved cuddles and more than anything he was attracted to cuddling Jeongin because of how reluctant he acted. Chan clearly just wanted someone, particularly Jeongin, to love him so it made the times that Jeongin actually cuddled back even more special.
Jeongin told himself he was definitely going to cuddle him first tonight; even if it went against his entire being. Chan was his favorite Hyung, he could do this, not just because he wanted to make his Hyung smile that brightly but because he wanted to be close to him the most.
Jeongin had the biggest soft spot for Chan.
During his awkward teen years with the group he had always seen him as an older brother, same as the other Hyungs, but now that he was older Chan had somehow wormed his way into Jeongin’s closed off heart.
“I found some really pretty colors in my stash.” Felix announced and Jeongin blinked rapidly because he hadn’t even seen Felix leave for his room.
He’d been too busy staring at Chan.
Everyone moved and gathered onto the mattresses, sitting in a circle and waited for Minho to come back. Chan set timers on his phone that would randomly go off and interrupt the music indicating when to stop while playing the game.
Jeongin looked over at Hyunjin. “Hyung, swap places with me.”
“But I’m comfy.” Hyunjin pouted.
Jeongin pouted since he wanted to be near Chan. “But I want to be next to Channie Hyung.”
Seungmin motioned to Chan and they happily swapped spots so Hyunjin didn’t have to move. Jeongin grinned as Chan sat down beside him. “Hi Hyung.” He said shyly, a small blushing crossing his face.
Chan gave him a toothy grin and bumped shoulders playfully with him. “Ready to be my cuddle buddy all night?”
Jeongin blushed some more but nodded. “We haven’t been cuddle buddies in a while.”
“I know, it’s been too long.” Chan agreed. “If it hadn’t been Felix I would have traded ages ago.”
“Can’t say no to Felix Hyung.” Jeongin said, pursing his lips.
Jeongin was always confused by Chan and Felix’s relationship, they were so close and overly touchy with each other, perfect for the two that loved being affectionate. In those moments he questioned their friendship, wondering if it was more than it led on, but then they would go back to acting brotherly and all of Felix’s attention would go to Changbin. Jeongin wanted to ask Felix about it and even though he was relatively close with the older male he didn’t really feel like it was his place to be asking in the first place.
Jeongin became the centre of Chan’s world when he wasn’t coddled up to Felix or working his ass off in the studio. He never realized how much more time Chan spent with him than the other members but he felt so lucky to have a Hyung that loved him so dearly even if he couldn’t show off his own feelings.
Minho finally came out of his room and took his seat between Jisung and Seungmin.
“Should we do one color at a time until everyone has one or did we just want to pass all of them?” Felix asked as he pulled a bunch of colors out of his collection.
“Maybe not all of them but at least a couple.” Minho said.
“There's eight of us so maybe four? One in every corner?” Jisung suggested.
Changbin rolled his eyes. “Circles don’t have corners.”
“A circle is just one giant corner.” Hyunjin chimed in matter of factly.
“As an artist you have to know that just isn’t true.” Seungmin said in disbelief.
Chan frowned in confusion. “Why are we even debating this? Just give polish to four people sitting opposite each other.”
“Everyone should listen to Hyung.” Jeongin agreed; a very rare occasion.
“Kiss ass.” Hyunjin quipped.
Jeongin reached behind him for a cushion and threw it at Hyunjin.
“Let’s just play.” Felix said, tossing a nail polish each to Minho, Hyunjin and Chan.
Chan started the music and they passed the nail polishes around. Jeongin tried to study the colors when they were in the other’s hands but tossed the polish as soon as it came into his clasp. He wasn’t really fussed with what color he got for himself but he wanted to see the others with something other than black. When the first timer went off, pausing the music, Jeongin was holding a royal blue that reminded him of Felix’s blue hair in the S-Class music video. It was nice.
Jeongin observed the group to see who else ended up with nail polish. Felix was holding a bright orange color and Jisung was holding a nice looking purple. Jeongin then looked down to Chan’s hands beside him and saw him holding a pretty blood red color.
“Want to swap?” Chan asked, showing him the nail polish.
Jeongin considered it but then shook his head. “The red will look really good on you Hyung.”
Chan blushed and Jeongin thought it was cute.
Their little moment was interrupted by Changbin complaining that he didn’t have nail polish. They placed their colors in front of them and then began another round of the game. Jeongin somehow ended up with a black in his hands by the end of the game. He looked around to see who didn’t have any but everyone seemed to have one by now.
“You could do one hand blue and the other black? Or you could alternate fingers? Or you could do mostly one color and have the other one randomly thrown in.” Chan tried to suggest but Jeongin didn’t know what he wanted to do. “Would you like me to do your nails for you?”
Jeongin thought about it and nodded. “You’re good at doing nails. I trust you’ll make them look good.”
Jeongin shifted in his spot, turning to face Chan more and handing him his blue and black nail polishes. Jeongin held out a hand for Chan and Chan got comfortable before taking it into his. Chan started with the black, painting a layer on his thumb, ring finger and pinky finger then painted the royal blue on his index and middle finger. Jeongin watched the way a look of absolute concentration settled on Chan’s face, it reminded him a lot of when he worked in the studio. He always put one hundred and twenty percent effort into every little thing he did and Jeongin admired him for that.
“Your hands are really soft today.” Chan commented, wanting to break the silence between them even though Jeongin was perfectly happy just watching Chan in his element. “And so pretty as always.”
Jeongin tried not to squirm from the compliment since he didn’t want to mess Chan up but the comment had made him feel giddy inside. “I- Uh- Thank you.” Jeongin stammered quietly as embarrassment set in, he couldn’t believe Chan’s words were making his heart act weird.
It only got worse as Jeongin watched Chan with wide eyes as the older man lifted his hand towards his face. Jeongin freaked out that Chan, for whatever reason his brain could not fathom, was going to kiss his hand. Jeongin gulped and rapidly blinked as his brain tried to process the fact that Chan was only blowing on his nails to dry them faster.
He shouldn’t feel so attracted to this right?
He watched as Chan blew softly and his lips pouted to get a more direct line of breath. His lips were so pretty.
“Why don’t we play Would You Rather?” Jisung called out despite painting Minho’s nails.
“Oh thank god.” Jeongin commented and looked away from Chan, grateful for the sudden distraction. “You have to start since it’s your idea.”
“Um okay. Would you guys rather be a superhero or a supervillain?” Jisung asked.
Majority of the group said superhero but Jeongin and Minho both answered with supervillain immediately.
Minho grinned over at Jeongin proudly. “That’s my maknae.”
Jeongin smiled back at him just as proudly but didn’t know what to say to that.
“Oh I got one, would you rather eat Minho Hyung’s cooking forever and never eat Channie Hyung’s cooking ever again or would you rather eat Channie hyung’s cooking forever and never eat Minho Hyung’s food ever again?” Hyunjin asked deviously.
“Do you want a war?” Changbin groaned.
“You’re a chaos agent today aren’t you?” Chan asked, looking up from Jeongin’s nails.
Hyunjin shrugged and smirked. “I am a chaos agent everyday, it’s my side business, don't you know?”
“This question isn’t fair. Both Hyung’s are so good at cooking.” Felix whined.
“I will force feed you all tissues if you don’t choose my cooking.” Minho threatened and they knew better than to argue so they all unanimously chose Minho, even Chan.
Jeongin went back to watching Chan who was now grabbing his other hand and doing the opposite of what was on the other hand; so blue on thumb, ring finger and pinky and black on the other two. Jeongin liked how it contrasted. Jeongin felt himself zone out the more he watched Chan’s aesthetically pleasing movements.
“Okay nightmare situation.” Minho announced and seemed to think. Jeongin suddenly wondered how many questions had been asked after he zoned out whilst watching Chan’s clean brush strokes. “Would you rather lick the bathroom floor of the Hyung dorm specifically or make out with Chan?”
“Wait I can’t make out with myself so by default I have to lick our bathroom? You’re right, that is a nightmare.” Chan complained.
“I think we should go around the circle for this one.” Minho told them with a devious smirk that resembled Hyunjin’s from earlier.
‘Ah so this is payback.’ Jeongin thought to himself.
“Why? I think we all agree we’d lick our very dirty bathroom instead of making out with Channie.” Jisung pointed out.
Jeongin’s breath paused in his throat as he thought about the two options. He wasn’t a germaphobe by any means but he knew how messy and unclean the Hyung’s could be; especially Jisung and Hyunjin specifically. However the other option didn’t seem like a down side except for the fact that Jeongin would have to admit it to everyone which he didn’t know if he could bring himself to do.
No one was disagreeing with Jisung, even Felix, which Jeongin found odd. He thought Felix would take the affection option even if it was a romantic option, not that Minho said it had to be romantic but surely friends couldn’t just make out right? If they could, then he needed to work out how to make that possible for himself just so he could experience something without things being complicated.
Jeongin took a deep breath and just before someone tried to move on to the next question he spoke up. Well, up wasn’t quite the right word, he definitely spoke though. “I’d rather make out with Channie Hyung.”
“Ew why would you want to?” Hyunjin asked disgustedly. “No offense Hyung.” Hyunjin quickly added.
Jeongin tried his best not to pout. “Because I’d rather not lick the filth that is your bathroom floor.”
“He’s got a point.” Felix commented to try and back Jeongin up. “It’s pretty bad Jinnie. You guys don’t clean it very often and have a habit of leaving dirty clothes everywhere.”
“Just do what Chan does and don’t wear clothes, problem solved.” Seungmin chimed in sarcastically, looking up from painting his toe nails.
Chan pouted and whined. “Why is it pick on Chan day?”
“It’s always pick on Chan day, what are you talking about?” Minho said and stuck out his tongue.
Before they could bicker the front door swung open and in came their manager carrying a bunch of pizzas. For their safety he was always in charge of going down to collect any take out they ordered.
Minho jumped up and went to help him carry the pizzas over to everyone and then to get glasses from the cupboard so that everyone could have a glass of soft drink with dinner.
“I’m finally done.” Chan said proudly. “You’ll have to let them dry before you handle the pizza.”
Jeongin looked down at his nails, admiring his Hyung’s hard work. Each nail had three coats of polish and they were all a glossy finish which Jeongin liked.
“I knew you could make them look good, Hyung.” Jeongin told him happily.
“We can play around with nail art after food if you’d like?” Chan offered.
Jeongin shook his head. “No it’s okay, I like them how they are. Besides, I have to do your nails.”
Jeongin let his nails dry a little longer before gracefully eating a slice of pizza; unlike some of the other members who were unceremoniously shoveling slice after slice into their mouths.
The conversation between bites consisted of complaints about busy solo schedules in the coming weeks, shows they had been watching when they weren’t exhausted, and Jisung gushing on about LiSA. Jeongin figured it was a big deal to work with her for a giant anime nerd such as Jisung. Even Minho and Chan fanboyed with him about it.
Jeongin felt a sense of contentment and a fond smile spread over his face whilst silently watching all of his Hyungs interact. These were definitely the people he loved most in the world excluding his actual family.
“Did anyone prepare anything else or are we just going to curl up and watch movies now that we are full?” Seungmin asked when they were close to being done with eating.
“Wait, I haven't painted Chan’s nails yet.” Jeongin whined.
“That sounds like a You problem.” Hyunjin said with a small chuckle and Jeongin frowned at him.
“You didn’t do them before?” Jisung asked and Jeongin shook his head. “Why not?”
Jeongin showed off his own nails. “Blame the perfectionist. He had to do three layers and make them nice…”
“You’re really a lot Hyung.” Jisung commented and Chan shrugged.
“It was worth it though, look how good they turned out.” Chan said nonchalantly.
“Why don’t we do a classic truth or dare while you do Chan’s nails then? We can leave you two until last.” Changbin suggested.
Jeongin got the blood red nail polish ready while he waited for Chan to finish eating.
Jeongin heavily focused on making the polish neat while painting Chan’s fingernails. Chan occasionally fixed the polish that was flooding his cuticle and the sides of his nail bed. In the background he could hear that the game had started but he wasn’t able to bring his focus away from Chan who was watching everything he was doing. He had the same look of fondness on his face that Jeongin had while watching the Hyungs earlier.
Jeongin’s heart felt overjoyed by that.
Jeongin’s attention was brought to the group when he heard humanized barking. He raised his eyebrow curiously and looked for the sound only to see Felix bark whenever someone spoke to him.
“What did I miss?” Jeongin asked.
“Felix has to bark whenever someone talks to him for the next ten minutes.” Changbin explained. “It was Jisung’s dare to him.”
“Minho Hyung truth or dare.” Hyunjin said, taking Felix’s turn while he can’t speak.
“Dare, obviously.” Minho rolled his eyes.
Hyunjin smirked. “I dare you to be nice to everyone for the next ten minutes.”
“That’s so stupid.” Minho said insulting him immediately.
“Go stand in the corner for ten minutes.” Hyunjin told him.
Minho groaned and got up. “No one said anything about punishments.” Minho went to stand in the corner of the room. “Changbin-Ah, truth or dare?”
“Truth. I don’t trust you.”
Minho snickered. “Yeah that’s probably for the best. Uh, if you had to be stuck for a whole year on a deserted island with only one other stray kids member, who would it be?”
Changbin thought really hard about it. “I guess I have to go for someone who wouldn’t be useless… But also someone who isn't annoying. That’s tough. How much survival are we talking about here and do I have to spend every single second with the person I choose?”
“Why are you taking this so seriously?” Seungmin asked with a laugh.
Felix barked from beside Changbin and Changbin glanced at him. “I guess I’d be stuck with Felix.” Felix barked happily.
“Can I stop barking now?” Felix asked.
“Sure.” Jisung agreed.
Felix looked towards Jeongin and Jeongin feared for his life as the gremlin smirk appeared over Felix’s face.
“Truth or dare, Innie.”
Jeongin’s mind blanked with panic. Felix’s dares were always wild compared to everyone else but his truth questions were also very invasive. Jeongin needed to decide what the greater evil was today.
“Uh…” Jeongin scrunched up his face. “Truth.”
“You guys are no fun tonight.” Felix whined and bounced his legs like a temper tantrum. “Okay fine. Tell us about your first kiss.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” Jeongin said.
“Well then, punishment for you. Go join Minho Hyung in the corner.” Felix grinned.
Jeongin felt the embarrassment wash over him, he glanced sideways to see Chan watching him curiously. Jeongin sighed. “No… I mean… There’s really nothing to tell…” Jeongin wanted to hide in shame or put his face in his hands but he couldn’t move. “I can’t talk about it if it’s never happened before.”
Felix jumped up and came over to him. “Innie, are you serious?”
Jeongin tried to avoid looking at Felix but it didn’t work because Felix dropped to his knees in front of him and stuck his face in Jeongin’s personal space.
“I’ve never felt the urge to kiss anyone before.” Jeongin said, trying to defend himself.
“I never expected him to be a virgin of any description.” Hyunjin commented.
Jeongin pouted. “You should just kiss someone you’re close to. First kisses aren’t that great.” Minho told him.
Jeongin was still avoiding Felix who was still in his space trying to analyze his face. “You should let me be your first kiss. It could be cute.”
Jeongin let out a tiny screech and then pushed Felix’s face away from him when Felix started making kissing noises in his direction.
“Ew Hyung, don't be gross.” Jeongin complained.
If they were younger Jeongin would have taken Felix up on his offer just to get the milestone out of the way. Now that he was older, the milestone seemed more daunting and he wanted it to be special or at least with someone special.
Jeongin had someone in mind but he would never disclose who, even to his closest friends, because there was no way it could happen.
Minho left the timeout corner and came over to sit on Jisung’s lap. “Minho Hyung was my first kiss and now look at us, almost married.” Jisung explained to them.
Jeongin scrunched up his nose at that. “I’ll pass. I don’t think I want to marry any of you let alone kiss any of you.”
That was a lie.
After the conversation about Jeongin’s first kiss died down, the boys moved onto a game of chaos charades as Jeongin liked to call it. After that they all prepared for bed, doing their nightly routines before laying on the floor mattresses with their cuddle buddies.
The embarrassment of the whole night had ruined his whole plan to get closer to Chan tonight.
He couldn’t even look at Chan right now. Mainly because Chan was stripping down to just his boxers for the night, behaving himself by sleeping in at least one article of clothing. Jeongin hid beneath his own blanket and tried hard not to think about kissing, or Chan, or kissing Chan.
Jeongin kept space and a wall of blanket between them because he no longer felt like being cuddled. He was kind of upset by everyone’s comments earlier and as the night had worn on Minho and Jisung had gotten careless with their public displays of affection resulting in Jeongin feeling even worse for not having his first kiss yet.
Why couldn’t being affectionate be that easy for him?
“Psst, Innie.”
Jeongin rolled over just in time to see Chan scooch closer to him, bringing his blanket with him when everyone had passed out for the night. Jeongin blinked rapidly as he admired his Hyung in the low stream of moonlight coming in from the living room window. He was so beautiful even in the low lighting.
“Hyung?” Jeongin whispered, trying not to wake the others, most of whom were snoring away.
“I just wanted to check on you… Make sure you’re okay.” Chan whispered back. “You looked upset earlier.”
Jeongin let a moment of silence fall between them. He wasn’t used to being vulnerable but he also knew he couldn’t get anything he wanted by keeping things bottled inside. It wasn’t healthy and he knew it would make him lonelier than anything.
Jeongin pouted. “Hyung, do you think I’m weird for not having my first kiss yet?”
Chan’s eyebrows furrowed together in a slight frown. “Of course not Innie. You spend all your time working or with us so you’ve never really had a chance… There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that or with waiting on purpose.” Chan paused for a moment. “Do you think you’re weird for it?”
Jeongin nodded, still pouting.
“Why?” Chan asked softly and Jeongin’s heart melted.
With a single word Chan had made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal and that Jeongin was worrying over nothing. He knew he never should have taken the other boy’s comments to heart.
“The idea of being intimate with someone never used to interest me at all. Any type of affection really… It was all so unappealing but you all made me realize that sometimes hugs are nice a-and now that I’m older; seeing Minho and Jisung be in love…” Jeongin tried to explain himself and got frustrated because he wasn’t explaining himself well.
“If it makes you feel any better, MinSung just makes everyone feel extremely single… Even me.” Chan said with a small chuckle.
Jeongin cracked a smile at that but remained silent. He wanted to confide in him but he couldn’t bring himself to tell Chan about his feelings. He couldn’t tell him that every moment he doted on him and gave him any sort of affection sent his heart into a whirlwind, or that every hug felt like a jolt to his system.
He never really understood any of it and he continued to not understand at this moment.
“Can I ask you something?”
Jeongin paused from studying the outline of Chan’s face, breaking his thoughts as he nodded. “Anything.”
Chan bit his lower lip anxiously. “What you said earlier… About making out with me… Is that something you’ve considered before?”
Jeongin wanted to flee to his bedroom, all of the alarms ringing in his head as his body switched into flight mode due to panic. “I-”
“It’s okay if you have.” Chan said quickly to try and reassure him.
Jeongin stared hard, like a fox caught in headlights, as his brain attempted to find words. He wanted to cry. He wasn’t sure why but he wanted to. In fact he did; much to his own horror.
Jeongin had never seen Chan move so fast. Before Jeongin could even register what was happening Chan was scooping Jeongin into his arms and pulling him close for a comforting hug. Jeongin, normally taken aback by this sort of affection, caved in and buried his face into Chan’s bare chest.
“I’ve got you Innie.” Chan whispered and petted his hair softly, trying his best to comfort him despite not knowing what had upset him.
Jeongin was disappointed in himself for letting Chan see him like this. He shouldn’t have to be comforted by him and yet he couldn’t stop the tears that were cascading down his face. Perhaps this was a bigger deal to himself than he made it out to be. There was a struggle to be honest with Chan and more importantly himself.
Chan held him silently the entire time he cried. Jeongin was so grateful to Chan, the hug seemed to be needed a lot more than any other affection.
Jeongin sniffled and scooched away quietly when he was done crying. “I’m sorry.”
Chan gave him a worried half smile, his hands reaching out to cup Jeongin’s face so he could use his thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears.
“You don’t ever have to be sorry around me Jeongin. This is what Hyung is here for.”
It felt like a gut punch and Jeongin whined from the metaphorical pain. His Channie Hyung was always strong and reliable, Jeongin knew there was no one else in the world he could trust more than him. He knew Chan would protect him to the ends of the earth but this wasn’t what he wanted.
“Stop treating me like a little brother.” Jeongin said, his voice raising slightly in annoyance.
He panicked for a moment when he heard Hyunjin mumble in his sleep and turn over only to fall back asleep. Chan was staring cluelessly at him, eyes as wide as a kicked puppy.
Jeongin felt so guilty for snapping. “I-I’m sorry Hyung… I just…” He didn’t even know how to explain himself.
“Feel overwhelmed by everything?” Chan suggested when his brain started connecting the dots.
Jeongin nodded helplessly, an apologetic look imprinting itself permanently on his face.
“You know if it’s too much we don’t have to keep talking about these things. I would never pressure you into anything you don’t want to do Jeongin… I hope you know that.” Chan said softly to him and moved his hands off his cheeks assuming the younger male wanted his space back. “You don’t have to know everything you want at every moment either, no one is forcing you to understand every single thing that occurs in your head or your heart.”
Jeongin pulled the edges of his long sleeves down over his hands and squeezed the fabric as he tried to calm his emotions. Jeongin thought he knew what he wanted or at least some of the things he wanted. He was just having a hard time trying to communicate it all to Chan right now. He felt like this would be his only chance to talk about it though and that’s what frustrated him the most.
“You’re so good to me Hyung…” Jeongin mumbled.
Chan didn’t know what to say to that so he kept quiet, hoping that Jeongin would process through his thoughts slowly.
“Maybe some sleep will help calm you?” Chan suggested when Jeongin didn’t speak again.
Jeongin nodded and shifted closer to Chan again. “Hyung, will you hold me?”
Chan smiled, his cheeks reaching his eyes with how happy he was from the question. “Of course I will.”
Chan held him all night and the sleep did him a world of good. He was the first one awake from what he could see, not that he could sit up much because Chan had a strong hold on him.
Jeongin studied Chan’s sleeping face, the way his eyes flickered in his sleep and his soft lips pouted between tiny breaths. He looked so peaceful. They all knew Chan struggled with sleep but right now he looked so calm.
Jeongin had to break the peace though. He needed to talk to Chan before the others woke up and before his confidence from his dream could dwindle, and his nerves could best him. He lifted his sweater paw hand and gently tapped Chan’s chest.
“Channie Hyung.” Jeongin whispered, trying to get his attention.
Chan shifted slightly but continued to hold Jeongin close to him. “What is it baby?” Chan mumbled sleepily.
Jeongin’s breath hitched in his throat at the pet name, not even sure if it was meant for him, but still blushing furiously either way.
Jeongin coughed as he choked on air, he momentarily forgot the pattern to breathing and began to overthink how breathing worked. This woke Chan up.
“You okay?” Chan asked, concerned.
Jeongin fixed his breathing and nodded. “Uh yeah kinda.”
“It’s early, we should get some more sleep?” It came out as a question, Chan was still clearly sleepy.
“Wait… I need to talk to you before we do.” Jeongin said, anxiously moving his hand up Chan’s torso and resting it on his shoulder.
Chan looked up at him expectantly, waiting patiently for Jeongin to say what’s on his mind.
“I want to try kissing… But it’s something I only want to try with you.”
Chan’s eyes widened and Jeongin could see he was mentally more awake after that statement.
“You don’t have to do it with me if you think it will change things between us… Even though I snapped at you last night, I am okay with just being your Innie if that’s all you’re willing to let me be… But I want my first kiss to be with someone I love and trust and I know there is no one in this world that I love and trust more than you Channie Hyung.” Jeongin rambled his incoherent thoughts into a long, almost coherent sentence and Chan listened so intently that Jeongin felt his heart swell from the validation of his feelings finally being heard.
Chan moved one of his hands to Jeongin’s cheeks. “Would it be okay if I kiss you now?”
Jeongin’s words decided to fail him so he just nodded and let Chan lead the way.
Jeongin closed his eyes and prepared himself for the kiss that was about to happen. He didn’t know what he was supposed to expect but it certainly wasn’t this. He didn’t expect Chan’s lips to be so cushiony, mostly soft but chapped on the inner side of the bottom lip from breathing through his mouth in his sleep. He definitely didn’t expect the kiss to be over so soon.
Jeongin opened his eyes abruptly when he felt Chan move his face away. “Why’d you stop? Was I a bad kisser?”
Chan shook his head. “You kinda stopped breathing.”
“Oh.” Jeongin’s mind blanked.
“Was it okay?” Chan asked curiously.
Jeongin didn’t know what to think. It was certainly interesting but he still wasn’t sure. “... One more kiss?”
Chan smiled warmly. “As many as you need.”
Jeongin blushed and took the initiative this time. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Chan’s, remembering to breathe through his nose this time; breathing was important but he couldn’t help that Chan took his breath away.
It was just as soft as the first kiss, Chan guiding his movements by controlling the pacing of the kiss. Jeongin began to feel weird the longer that they kissed. It was an airy feeling, almost like he was floating. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the kiss or if it was because he was kissing Chan specifically.
Despite his eyes being closed and being lost in the kiss, Jeongin was hyper aware of his surroundings. The room was quiet with only the sounds of Minho’s sleep talking and the soft breathing of all the others, also the quiet sounds of their kissing. Jeongin was also hyper aware of the fact that Chan’s hand was moving from the small of his back up his spine.
Jeongin stopped kissing him for a moment to breathe, keeping his eyes closed and resting his forehead against Chan’s. He moved his hand to rest it against Chan’s cheek. “Hyung…” Jeongin said breathlessly.
His lips felt like they were drying out from the kissing but he could live with that. He just wanted to keep feeling the airy feeling.
“Again…” Jeongin demanded softly knowing that Chan always said he had the power in their relationship.
There was no resistance from Chan, in fact, he removed all the space between them. Jeongin liked the slow pace and the way Chan’s hand moved to his waist, holding him delicately.
Jeongin definitely liked this feeling. His heart was pounding in his chest and every little kiss they shared caused it to pound harder.
“Yah MinSung! Go back to sleep!” Changbin called out and a pillow was thrown in their direction.
“Go back to your mom!” Minho’s words were slurred which meant he was sleep talking as usual.
Jeongin stopped kissing Chan as he heard Minho moving around on the mattress. He sat up feeling slightly panicked and watched as Minho moved his head onto Jisung’s chest, seamlessly falling back asleep.
Jeongin laid back down and looked at Chan biting his lower lip. “Maybe we should go back to sleep?” He whispered.
Chan nodded in agreement. “Definitely.”
There was a moment of silence where neither of them made an effort to go back to sleep. The silence was broken by both boys leaning in to kiss some more, as if all the kissing from before just wasn’t enough for either of them.
Changbin, who was currently cozied up to Felix behind Chan, sat up to tell Minho and Jisung off for still making noise. He paused when he realized he wasn’t lying beside them and watched in surprise as Jeongin and Chan continued to kiss, completely oblivious to him.
Changbin smirked and muttered “About time, Channie Hyung.” before laying back down and having Felix cling to him once more.
Jeongin and Chan despite being oblivious to Changbin having sat up and seeing them, had heard what he said but they refused to acknowledge it right now.
At this current moment in time all that mattered to either of them was the taste of the other’s lips.