Archive of Our Own

With every new piece of information Akihiko discovered about Tartarus, a new inexplicable mystery seemed to emerge.

“Fuuka!” He called out, an arm slung weakly around Makoto, who refused to unbury himself from his chest. “I need you to teleport us back to the entrance. Makoto, he’s— we can’t cure him.” Makoto shifted his body slightly upon hearing his name, moving his gaze upwards to meet Akihiko’s. His often emotionless gray eyes were full of adoration, pupils dialated to the point of bordering on unsettling and a bright, unfitting smile gracing his face.

Akihiko had never witnessed anything quite like this before, and, to be honest, it terrified him. Makoto had been completely normal only minutes ago, killing waves upon waves of shadows with only a slight hint of emotion on his face as per usual, before suddenly being hit by a spell neither him nor the rest of the team recognized. His behavior changed in an instant, with their apathetic leader that only seemed to show emotion in moderation becoming… clingy, of all things. He’d made a beeline for Akihiko before the damn Shadow had even been killed, refusing to do anything but stand there idly with his head buried into his chest. It was unsettling to say the least, but Akihiko had seen worse. Shadows could do unimaginable things to the human mind, after all, and it wasn’t as if they hadn’t cast similar spells onto the Shadows themselves. So he did his best to continue on with the fight. He ignored Mitsuru and Fuuka’s confused expressions and tones, ignored the way Yukari stumbled over her words in a way that almost looked as if she was holding back laughter, ignored the way Makoto began to nuzzle into his chest like an affectionate cat begging for attention. This was embarrassing, sure, and he was certain that Junpei and Kotone would never let him live it down if this news escaped to the rest of SEES, but this would only last a moment. Makoto would return to normal once the Shadow was dead, the affection on his face dissolving back into a neutral, if not somewhat embarrassed, expression, and this entire situation would become nothing more than a fun, embarrassing story to share with one another.

But, of course, that would be too simple.

“O-Of course!” Fuuka stumbled slightly as she spoke, a slight amount of worry leaking through her voice. Akihiko wished he could do something to comfort her, but he himself wasn’t entirely confident about this. The spell had lasted past when the Shadow had been defeated, something that had never happened in his years of fighting Shadows, and on top of that, Yukari couldn’t seem to cure him with any of her healing spells. This was unprecedented, and with Makoto looking progressively more and more out of it with each passing second, Akihiko was fairly certain this wasn’t going to be over and done with any time soon. “The others haven’t left the entrance yet. Maybe they can help figure out how to fix him?” Hopefully, but Akihiko didn’t have much confidence that would be the case. Still, he couldn’t allow himself to lose hope that easily. For all they knew this was nothing more serious than a spell that lingered a little longer than normal, or even Makoto just pulling an elaborate prank on them.

…The former was much more likely. There was no way Makoto Yuki of all people had the patience or dedication to do something like this.

As soon as Akihiko began to consider the possibilities of what the hell had happened to Makoto and whether or not he’d be okay, he felt a familiar gust of heavy wind surround him, and in the blink of an eye they were back at the Tartarus entrance. The wind from their teleportation had thankfully displaced Makoto from his chest, though that relief was incredibly short-lived. Not even a full second after Akihiko had realized it, Makoto rushed right back over to him. He didn’t rest his head against his chest this time, though, for better or for worse. He instead chose to lean against his neck, his hands needily reaching out for Akihiko’s own. Makoto threw his boxing gloves to the floor and gripped onto his hands like his life depended on it, loosely interlocking their fingers together with an uncharacteristic giddy smile tugging at his lips. If they were in any other situation Akihiko would have complained about the treatment of his (more expensive than he would have liked to admit) boxing gloves, but he had a feeling that anything he said right now wouldn’t have gotten through to Makoto anyway. He instead focused on thoughts of a more positive variety, such as how refreshing it was to see their leader smile like this for once. It was a rare enough occurrence to see him smile already, with Makoto tending to try and hide most signs of serious expression on his face, but to see him like this, grinning wider and brighter than even their most expressive teammates was… nice. It wasn’t really Makoto doing this, and Akihiko knew that, but it was still a sweet sight regardless.

“Woah—!” Junpei was the first to say anything about the elephant in the room, because of course he was. That pretty much solidified that they were never going to let him live this down, but at least Makoto would be there to share the embarrassment with him. Well, if he even cared about it to begin with—He wasn’t typically one to  be bothered with things of that nature. “Didn’t know you two were—” Junpei thankfully cut himself off before he could finish that train of thought. Akihiko knew exactly what he was thinking but, still, he didn’t particularly want to hear him say it out loud. Before Akihiko had a chance to explain himself, Junpei continued. “That’s, uh, cool! I didn’t know that stuff ran in the family.”

“Ran in the… huh?” Akihiko almost regretted asking, but the question left his mouth before the realization that he probably didn’t want to know. Though he had a suspicion that the death glare Yukari was currently giving Junpei had something to do with it.

“Well, Kotone and Yuka-tan are… y’know.” Oh. That hadn’t even come to mind, and now he really regretted asking. Yukari looked just about ready to deck him in the face, and though Junpei’s words didn’t sound malicious in nature, Akihiko couldn’t say he blamed her. “I didn’t know it was, like, a genetic thing. Or that you were, uh, like that. I mean, that’s cool! I dunno if holding hands and being all mushy is a great strategy for fighting Shadows, though. Unless you—”

“I’m going to punch you if you say another word.” Yukari butted in, saving Akihiko from having to hear any more of this. She didn’t sound as annoyed as he expected her to; she was more disappointed than anything. He was suddenly extremely grateful that Aigis had stayed at the dorms for repairs, because she surely would have offered some sort of technical explanation of all of this that none of them wanted to hear..“They’re not dating. Makoto got hit with some sort of charm spell, and we can’t cure him. That’s why we came back down here; we’re hoping Kotone has a Persona that can fix… whatever this is.” Yukari made eye contact with Akihiko briefly, a look of sympathy in her eyes. He appreciated it, though it wasn’t as if this was some sort of travesty that he needed people to pity him for. It was just Makoto, and it was just a little bit of physical affection. It was unusual and a bit embarrassing, but it was certainly better than if Makoto had instead been hit with a spell that caused him serious pain. He was mature enough not to freak out about this, even if his mind was going a little haywire from the sudden touches.

“Oh.” Junpei looked… disappointed? Either Akihiko’s faulty people-reading skills were failing him once again, or Junpei was somehow disappointed that he and Makoto weren’t dating. He really, really hoped it was the former. “I hope she can fix him, then. She’s doing the thing where she stares at the wall to fuse new Personas right now.” Right on cue, Kotone turned around to face them, the smile on her lips quickly shifting into a look of surprise as her eyes locked with Makoto’s.

“Woah, what the hell—”

“I’ll explain.” Mitsuru stepped in, thank god, walking over to the location of the supposed Velvet Room and pulling Kotone aside. Akihiko sighed with a mixture of both relief that he didn’t have to explain this to her, and annoyance that now both Kotone and Junpei knew about this… situation. He was certain that they’d tease them about it for as long as they possibly could, especially Kotone, who seemed to make poking fun at her brother into a hobby. It wasn’t that Akihiko particularly cared about gossip and things like that, but for whatever reason, imagining being teased about this situation in particular made him feel unusually annoyed. It was probably because he didn’t want Makoto to be made fun of for something he had no control over, his mind suggested as a possible explanation for why he felt this way. But would Makoto really even care about something like that? He never seemed to care all that much about Kotone’s teasings before, usually only acknowledging them with a frown and the occasional lighthearted shove.

“Is he alright?” Yukari asked him, taking a few steps closer to the both of them, and Akihiko brushed his remaining thoughts away; He had more important matters to deal with right now. Makoto shot her a glare as she moved forward, tightening his grip onto Akihiko’s hands to the point that it almost hurt. “Being hit with those types of spells for a while can really mess with people. He’s not overheating or anything, is he? If he’s gonna be stuck like this, I wanna at least make sure he’s not hurt.” Akihiko took a deep breath, annoyed at himself for not having already done what she was suggesting. Making sure Makoto was physically okay should have been his first priority, instead of worrying about something as petty and insignificant as how his teammates would react to all of this.

“Good idea. I’ll check his temperature.” Though that proved to be easier said than done. Akihiko tried untangling himself from Makoto’s grasp to raise a hand to his forehead, but the harder he tried, the tighter the grip on his hands became. It was frankly embarrassing just how much effort it took Akihiko, captain of the damn boxing team, to do something as simple as let go of Makoto’s hand, but he finally managed to let go after a few seconds of struggling. However, less than a second after he managed to escape, Makoto looked up at him with a dejected expression.

“No,” he spoke for the first time since being hit with the spell, shocking Akihiko, who had made the assumption that he’d become entirely nonverbal. His voice sounded shockingly normal compared to how out of character his actions had been, quiet, firm, and full of resolve. “Don’t let go. Need you.” Akihiko made a noise he wasn’t even sure humans were supposed to be able to make, eyes rapidly darting back and forth between Makoto and Yukari as if they could somehow explain why his heart was suddenly racing in his chest.

“I— Okay?” Something about hearing those words come out of Makoto Yuki in a tone remarkably similar to his normal one completely broke Akihiko. He couldn’t move for a moment, legs glued to the floor in a way that he briefly wondered if Makoto had struck him with an ice attack when he wasn’t looking. In his daze Makoto moved to grab back onto his hand, though after a look of contemplation he decided to wrap his spare hand around Akihiko’s waist instead, gently brushing his fingers against it in such a way that he could clearly feel the warmth of Makoto’s hand through the fabric of his uniform.

Screw everything he said earlier about this not being a big deal; he had been dead wrong about that. He could hardly stand, he could feel his heartbeat in his ears, and his lungs felt like they were full of cotton candy. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but for reasons Akihiko didn’t understand, it was. He hated that he had allowed something so minor to affect him like this, but there didn’t seem to be anything he could do about it. This was only Makoto, for god’s sake— was he really that starved for affection that even he could get him worked up like this? Or was it simply Makoto’s spell rubbing off through contact? Whatever the reason was, Akihiko didn’t like it.

“Do you, uh, want me to try?” Yukari looked like she was holding back laughter again, though he doubted she was doing it maliciously. He couldn’t say he blamed her for her reaction, but it didn’t exactly help the embarrassment currently flooding through him. “It doesn’t really look like he’s gonna let you move.”

“It's alright. I think I have a better shot than you do.” Makoto was still glaring at her, and he looked about three seconds away from pouncing at her and punching her in the face. Akihiko would much rather suffer through more of this than risk Yukari getting hurt, so he carefully raised his right hand up to Makoto’s forehead. He managed without a fight this time, because apparently Makoto was satisfied with having a death-grip on just one of his hands. He pressed the back of his hand to Makoto’s forehead, and he was relieved to find that he didn’t seem to have any sort of fever. He knew that touching someone’s forehead wasn't the most accurate way of telling temperature, but a thermometer wasn’t something they typically brought to Tartarus outings, and there was no way in hell he was touching Makoto’s chest or back, because this was bad enough as it was. “He’s fine. A little warm, but that’s probably just from running around Tartarus. He doesn’t have a fever.” Yukari smiled with relief, taking a few steps backwards to give them space. Makoto apparently appreciated that, mumbling something incoherent as he rested his head against Akihiko’s neck once more.

“…Are you sure it’s a spell?” Kotone walked over towards them with a questioning tone in her voice, Mitsuru’s explanation of the situation having apparently been completed. Her eyes locked with Akihiko’s with an expression he couldn’t quite identify; It looked like she knew something he didn’t, and he didn’t like it. “Maybe he just wanted attention. Or maybe he’s trying to tell you something.” Her suspicion would have been worrying enough on its own, but the fact that it was coming from Kotone, the one person who knew Makoto better than anyone else, made it exponentially worse. Was she just teasing him, or was her question a genuine one? He had absolutely no idea, and, really, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“Yes. It’s exactly as I told you. He was hit with a spell we didn’t recognize, and he was like this moments later.” Mitsuru glanced over at Akihiko as she spoke, and that alone was apparently enough to set Makoto off. He glared at her like a cat trying to defend its territory, and Akihiko was suddenly thankful that he had let his sword hit the ground when he had first been charmed. Akihiko didn’t think this spell would cause Makoto to be physically violent towards their friends, but he couldn’t be sure.

“Don’t like the way they’re looking at you.” Makoto shifted his hand from Akihiko’s waist to his cheek, trying to gesture for him to look downwards into Makoto’s eyes. Akihiko followed his request, though he regretted it almost immediately.

…Had he always looked like that?

Up close, Akihiko noticed that the lighting of the Tartarus entrance made Makoto’s eyes appear as more of a soft blue than the pale gray that they typically were. It was something he’d never noticed before, because he often didn’t have time to look that closely at his friend’s faces while preparing for battle, but now that he’d noticed it, the color mesmerized him to the point he couldn’t look away. Perhaps this was the purpose of the spell Makoto had been hit with, Akihiko reasoned with himself. To cause the charmed state to rub off on everyone the initial victim made contact with, and allow the Shadows to attack their prey with ease. Akihiko knew that something like that was the most likely case, knew that none of this was even real and that Makoto would return to normal as soon as the Dark Hour ended, but he couldn’t for the life of him fight back against the strange thrumming in his heart. After all of his training, all of the endless nights spent fighting Shadows to the point that even Mitsuru urged him to take a break, and this was what got to him. A pair of light blue eyes, staring at him like he was the only thing in the world. If Akihiko could think any coherent thoughts right now, he would have felt pathetic for allowing something as simple as a pair of loving eyes to affect him like this.

But he couldn’t. Not even close. So instead, he kept staring like an idiot. A dazed idiot that was praying to every god he could think of that the part of the spell that was affecting him would dissipate as soon as he could release himself from Makoto’s grasp. He could see strands of dark brown hair roots peeking out from underneath the blue dye in his hair, tiny freckles dotted across his nose, a single headphone in his ear despite the fact they didn’t even work during the Dark Hour— all things that Akihiko had never looked at Makoto closely enough to notice before, but now that he had, he couldn’t will himself to look away. Makoto was pretty, he realized, and he hated himself for not noticing it sooner.

“—Kihiko? Are you… alright?” Finally, Akihiko snapped back to reality with the sound of someone calling his name. His gaze snapped away from Makoto and back to the crowd around him, Mitsuru standing in the front with a worried expression. “You haven’t fallen victim yourself, have you?” He shook his head, avoiding eye contact harder than he ever had before. He wasn’t sure if he had, and that was the goddamn problem.

“I’m alright. I’m just… worried for him, that’s all.” It was a lie, and a somewhat obvious one at that, but Mitsuru didn’t push any further. Thank god, because Akihiko couldn’t even explain what the hell had just happened to himself, let alone to anyone else.

“We’ve decided to return to the dorms for the night. Shiomi doesn’t have any healing spells that we haven’t already tried, and it’s dangerous to allow Yuki to stay here in this condition.” Right. Makoto could have been in serious danger here, and that’s what he should have been focusing on. Not the… other things that were still floating around in his mind like an invasive species. No, he had to focus on Makoto’s safety and only Makoto’s safety.

“Good call. Maybe we’ll have something in storage to at least make this more manageable.” The items Makoto and Kotone stocked up on from the pharmacy were… unorthodox to say the least, but he couldn’t say they didn’t work. He doubted that they would have anything to cure a spell none of them had ever even seen before, but he had to have hope. Because if he didn’t, he would have to accept that this was going to be his situation for the rest of the hour, if not longer. And considering the fact that they had only been in Tartarus all of ten minutes, Akihiko wasn’t sure he could deal with Makoto’s new personality for that long.

“Mm-mm.” Speak of the devil. Makoto shook his head, a childish pouty expression stretching across his lips. “Wanna be alone,” he mumbled into the fabric of Akihiko’s uniform, nuzzling his head against his shoulder. He wanted to be… alone? His actions made it look like the exact opposite was the case, but, hey, spells like this didn’t exactly lead to the most consistent mental state. This was probably a blessing in disguise, Akihiko thought as he gently brushed Makoto off of his shoulder. Though he couldn’t fully leave him alone in this state, at least he wouldn’t have to deal with any more of… this. He could just watch from afar and make sure he was stable, give his mind some time to calm down after everything that had just happened. Give Akihiko’s mind some time to calm down after everything that had happened.

But, once again, that would be too simple. Immediately as the thought crossed Akihiko’s mind, the millisecond he shook Makoto away from his shoulder, he looked up at him with a dejected gaze.

“Alone with you,” he corrected, voice so full of affection and need that Akihiko physically felt his face warm. Oh! That made more sense than Makoto wanting to be fully alone, given his current… infatuation, but the realization that he was back to square one with this made him want to bash his head against a brick wall. “Wanna go home with you. Everyone else is taking your attention.” Akihiko heard a distinct giggle behind him, followed by an annoyed scolding from Mitsuru, but that wasn’t what he focused on. He couldn’t have even if he wanted to; His attention was once again stolen away by Makoto, flashing another smile at him like he knew exactly which buttons to press to get Akihiko’s attention solely on him. Something was different this time, though. It wasn’t the bright and giddy charm-spell smile he was used to seeing suddenly appear on his friend’s faces, nor was it the barely noticeable half-smile that he’d occasionally seen stretch across Makoto’s face when he was especially happy. No, it was a middle ground between the two. A normal, affectionate smile he’d never quite seen Makoto wear before. Bright and loving, but in a way that didn’t look fake in the slightest. It was as if Makoto really was looking at him like that, like there was no charm spell in the equation at all. Akihiko tried to keep his breath steady, tried desperately to pretend that everything was fine and he was fine and his heart wasn’t pounding harder than it did after a boxing match, and for a moment, it worked. He calmed himself down, let himself breathe, and returned to the issue at hand.

“Let’s—” He started, trying to come up with some form of solution to this predicament, but, of course, Makoto derailed his train of thought and crashed it straight into a ditch.

“Love you,” he mumbled against Akihiko’s shoulder, so quiet that he could barely be heard, as if his words were for Akihiko’s ears only. “Love you so much. Don’t wanna share.” Oh. Akihiko swallowed, eyes darting around the area yet never quite meeting Makoto’s. He couldn’t meet Makoto’s eyes right now, lest his heart burst straight out of his chest.

He… He didn’t hate this. Was he supposed to? Was this something he was supposed to feel disgusted over? Ashamed of? The thought crossed his mind, and he lost himself in the weight of his feelings for a moment. He would definitely be teased if any of the other SEES members found out that he felt this way, and judging by their quiet laughter and shocked expressions he figured they already may have, but strangely enough, he found that he didn’t care all that much. Trying to figure out what he was ‘supposed’ to think and feel in certain situations was exhausting. It was something he’d fallen victim to in the past, letting others’ perceptions of him mold his feelings to what was supposed to be ‘normal.’ But, for once, he decided to take a page out of Makoto’s book. He didn’t care if this was normal or not, didn’t care what implications this held for himself. If this was the birth of something new, that was fine. If this was nothing more than Makoto’s spell rubbing off on him or his brain thinking dumb thoughts again, that was fine too. And if Makoto wound up being disgusted with him for feeling this way, then, well, that would be everything but fine, actually, but it wasn’t like he ever had to find out. He could keep this to himself for now, see how it played out. And if this wound up being something more than a passing thought, he could deal with the consequences of that later.

“—Appears as though it’s already rubbing off on him, Mitsuru said, her voice littered with typical concern, and it knocked him right back out of his daze. Akihiko looked back over at her and plastered on a fake expression in an attempt to conceal what he was truly thinking. This wasn’t the time to get all worked up about silly personal matters, after all. He shouldn’t be thinking about this stuff in the first place, and especially not when there was still a chance that Makoto could be seriously hurt.

“Oh, look, he’s done staring.” Kotone giggled. It was gentle and without malice, but that didn’t stop Akihiko from feeling absolutely mortified.

“Hey! I wasn't staring, I was just—”

“I’m going to have Fuuka use Lucia to return the two of you to the dorms.” Mitsuru cut him off before he could finish, most likely sensing that this debate wasn't actually going to get them anywhere other than an annoying argument that took time away from finding a cure for Makoto. Probably for the best, considering Akihiko himself couldn’t have come up with a logical excuse for whatever the hell had just happened. “I really don’t wish to leave the two of you alone, but you’ve seen how hostile people can become when affected by mind-altering spells. Leaving Yuki here is not only a danger to himself, but the rest of us as well.” Akihiko nodded cautiously. He knew better than anyone that she was right— from the time that Shinji had nearly chopped Mitsuru’s leg off under a rage spell to the time Yukari had fallen into an inconsolable depression because she couldn’t find her girlfriend that was ten feet away from her, Akihiko had seen more than enough Shadow manipulation to know that it was as equally dangerous to leave Makoto here like this as it was to have everyone return to the dorms at once. He’d been relatively calm up until now, compared to similar situations at least, but there was no telling when he could lose it and try to harm his teammates.

“I— That’s probably a good idea.” But at the same time, Akihiko wasn’t sure how he felt about the prospect. There were sensible reasons for doubt, of course; Being alone with someone who was under the influence of a spell they knew absolutely nothing about wasn’t exactly the safest course of action, and the way Makoto seemed to be attached to him at the hip didn’t do much to quell his fears. But, of course, betraying him like it always did, Akihiko’s mind quickly jumped to something less rational.

He was going to be alone. With Makoto. Like this.

He shouldn’t have cared. He knew he shouldn’t have cared, because he wasn’t a grade schooler (or Junpei) that actually cared about trivial things like that. It was Makoto’s damn safety he should have been worried about, and the fact that he couldn’t seem to focus on that was infuriating. But, still, his mind betrayed him. He couldn’t quite shake the image from his head. Holding Makoto close, watching over him and making sure he didn’t fall ill. Listening to his half-coherent romantic babbles, knowing that they weren’t true but still feeling his heart skip a beat regardless. Running a finger through his hair and finding out if it truly was as impossibly soft as it looked. Seeing him smile and laugh in a way that looked impossibly genuine for someone as reserved and emotionless as Makoto, knowing that he was the cause.

…

He really had it bad, didn’t he?

“Are you ready?” He heard Fuuka ask him, though he barely heard it over the sound of his brain short-circuiting. What was this? Why was he suddenly so infatuated with Makoto? Was his spell really that contagious? Was he just this starved for affection? Something in the middle? Whatever it was, it was annoying, and the thought of having to spend the next hour like this alone with him made his stomach churn in a way he wasn’t quite used to.

“Y-Yeah, go ahead.” He glanced down to Makoto to see if he had any objections, but he seemed too out of it to answer. “I’ll try and contact you with the equipment in the command room if anything goes wrong. Though I, uh, don’t really think there’ll be any issues.” He didn’t want to jinx it by saying it out loud, but the way Makoto seemed entirely pacified in his grasp provided him with hope that he would at least make it out of this situation physically unscathed. Mentally was a different story, but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about Makoto trying to stab him or something equally harmful.

“You’re, uh, really taking one for the team here, Akihiko-senpai.” Junpei looked him and Makoto up and down with much more sympathy than the situation required. “Aren’t you worried he’s gonna, like, I dunno, try making out with you or something?”

“Junpei!” Yukari elbowed him in the side, using much more force than she needed to to get her point across.

“Hey! I was just askin’!” Yukari didn’t argue any further, thankfully, instead just holding her head in her hands with disappointment.

“I really don’t think that’s what you should be worried about here.” Akihiko chose not to directly answer Junpei’s question for… reasons. That was something he didn’t particularly want to think about for a number of reasons, and he’d already had to deal with enough unwanted thoughts for today. “He could be in serious danger. We’ve never had to deal with a spell we couldn’t cure before.” Akihiko heard Yukari mumble something suspiciously similar to ‘I told you so,’ but decided not to get any further involved in this argument. The more time he wasted arguing the more time was taken away from making sure Makoto was safe, and in Tartarus, mere seconds could mean the difference between life and death. “We’re ready, Fuuka,” he repeated, trying (and failing, to an extent) to get his train of thought back on track. His traitorous mind kept trying to think back to Junpei’s words, but he managed to push a majority of them aside. For god’s sake, Makoto could die like this, and he was worried about something as childish as that? Akihiko hated the way his mind worked sometimes.

“Okay!” Fuuka nodded, and it ripped Akihiko back to reality. “Lucia, you know what to do. Do you two have a preference what room I sent you to? My power isn’t very strong yet, but I’ll try my best.”

“My room is fine.” Walking up a flight of stairs in their current predicament sounded like a nightmare, so his room sounded like a better option than the lounge. He briefly wondered if Makoto’s room would have been a better choice, helping comfort him with familiarity and all, but the thought of being in Makoto’s room right now made Akihiko feel like he’d just been hit with an Agidyne directly to the chest, so his room it was.

“Got it. Lucia!” Fuuka squeezed her eyes shut and summoned her Persona, taking deep breaths as she focused immensely. After a few seconds Akihiko felt a powerful wind consume him once more, though he was more focused on a painful sensation in his chest. Looking down he realized it was caused by Makoto’s (surprisingly long) nails digging into his side, and the look of fear and worry stretched across his face almost caused Akihiko physical pain to witness.

“Hey, it’ll be alright,” he attempted to comfort, though he wasn’t sure how much of it would actually get through to him in this state. “She’s just sending us home.” That seemed to help at least a little, with the pain in his side being significantly lessened as Makoto withdrew his nails, but the fear was still obvious in his expression. He wished he could do more to comfort him, but, again, this was a type of spell they had never seen before. He had no idea what would get through to him and what wouldn’t, or if his attempts at comfort would be misconstrued into something else entirely. Akihiko chose to simply look away from him instead, perhaps in an act of cowardice, and took a deep breath.

“Be careful.” Mitsuru warned, eyes glancing downward with regret. “I wish it didn’t come down to this.”

“They’ll be fine,” Kotone reassured with a shocking amount of confidence for the situation at hand. Akihiko attributed it to just Kotone being Kotone, but there was something about her expression that didn’t sit right with him. “I trust Akihiko-senpai to take care of my brother.” Her words sounded genuine, but, again, there was something about her tone that just seemed… off, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what. Akihiko shook his head, deciding not to think about it any further. He had more important matters to attend to, after all. The breeze around them grew in intensity, Makoto’s discomfort growing along with it, until the atmosphere around them began to change. He saw a few different places around Iwatodai and Tatsumi Port, from the Moonlight Bridge all the way to Hagakure, before the dorms came into focus. This was nowhere near the first time he’d had Fuuka use her Persona to teleport him back to the dorms, but the experience never got any less surreal.

“Ow!” …And usually ended with at least one person slamming into the ground at mach speed. This time it was Akihiko who had been graced with that luxury, his face slamming directly into the hardwood floor of his dorm room before he even had time to react.

“Are you okay?” Makoto asked him with more concern and worry than Akihiko was used to hearing in his voice. By the time he had managed to pull himself off of the ground, Akihiko noticed he had a hand extended out for him to grab onto. Sweet, but he was supposed to be the one taking care of Makoto here, not the other way around.

“Yeah, thanks.” He used Makoto’s hand to pull himself up, and stood in place for a few seconds waiting for the inevitable. He was sure that Makoto was going to return himself to one of his previous positions, whether that he buried in his chest, neck, shoulder, or wherever else he could fit his head, but he instead stood still, peering at Akihiko with eyes full of love and curiosity. “Uh, aren’t you going to—” He almost didn’t want to ask, regretting his question immediately after it left his mouth, but still, curiosity overtook him. He could always excuse it as wanting to learn more about Makoto’s condition to help him recover, but the truth was a mixture of plain curiosity as well as missing the warmth his touch provided, as horribly embarrassing as that was to admit to himself.

“Don’t need to,” he replied in a mumble. It was then that Akihiko realized Makoto had interlocked their fingers again, and, for one reason or another, he couldn’t bring himself to pull them away. “They were gonna take you from me, but they’re not here now.” Makoto used his newly freed hand to reach up and run a finger through Akihiko’s messy hair. It was a simple action, if not out of character for Makoto to do, but the amount of affection he felt radiating from such a simple touch made Akihiko’s mind briefly short-circuit.

“Take me from you…?” Akihiko really had to learn not to ask questions he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to, but once again, the words left his mouth before he could stop himself. He didn’t even have an excuse this time, his curiosity having completely taken over his mind.

“Mhm.” Makoto nodded as if it was something obvious that he was supposed to know already. “Don’t like the way they look at you. They were gonna take you from me. Had to remind them that you’re mine.” For a moment Makoto’s words didn’t fully process in Akihiko’s mind, and he almost made the grave mistake of asking yet another question he didn’t want the answer to, until it suddenly hit him.

Oh.

Did— Did Makoto think they were dating?

He should have figured as much. The thought had crossed his mind, what with Makoto’s rather direct ‘love you’ confession and all, but he’d tried his hardest not to consider the possibility. It would only serve to make this situation more awkward than it already was, and if Makoto remembered any of the events that transpired, it could potentially mess with their friendship as well. But, as much as he’d tried not to think about it, now, it was the only thing on his mind.

“You— I— We—” He stuttered out, his mouth failing him once again as he tried desperately to put his thoughts into words. What the hell was he even supposed to do in this situation? Did he give into Makoto’s delusion, or did he risk one of them getting hurt from telling him the truth? More importantly, why wasn’t he feeling uncomfortable or disgusted by this? Why did he feel warm inside? He had so, so many questions, most of which couldn’t be answered by anyone but himself. Still, despite Akihiko being the key to answering the vast majority of his own questions, he couldn’t for the life of him figure any of them out. “We’re not—” We’re not dating, he tried to force from his mouth, eyes locked with the floor so that he didn’t have to witness Makoto’s heartbroken expression.

“I know you’re not cheating on me.” He giggled, Makoto Yuki actually giggled, and gently cupped Akihiko’s cheek. That was all the proof he needed that his suspicions were true, and he could only respond with an empathetic sigh. He couldn’t force anything out of his mouth as much as he tried, his mind running rampant with too many thoughts and feelings to manage to put any of them into words. “Just didn’t want them to get any ideas.” Makoto used the hand on his cheek to tilt Akihiko’s head downwards, forcing him to meet his gaze. That would have been bad enough already, but something about the look in Makoto’s eyes broke him. It was overwhelmingly affectionate, which he had grown more than used to by this point, but something about it was different than before. His pupils were widened, his pale gray eyes looking like their normal color with the change in lighting, and he was looking at Akihiko like he was the only damn thing in the world. It hurt him to look at, in a way that Akihiko himself didn’t have the emotional intelligence to describe. “I love you,” he whispered, a small smile tugging at his lips. “You didn’t say it back last time.”

…

He had NO options.

He couldn’t break his heart. He couldn’t do it. He simply wasn’t strong enough. Sure this wasn’t real, sure he was only feeding into his delusion, sure Makoto would probably kick his ass if he found out about this later, but he couldn’t. Not when Makoto was staring up at him like that, eyes as big as the sea with love and want.

“I, uh…” This was… probably what this spell was designed to do, Akihiko remembered as he tried to figure out what to say. Manipulate one person’s feelings directly, then manipulate a dozen others by proxy. He wasn’t sure how that would help the Shadow gain an advantage in battle, exactly, but he’d all but given up trying to apply logic to the inner-workings of Tartarus and the Dark Hour by this point. He was falling right into its trap, and yet, he couldn’t stop himself.

‘It’s so he doesn’t go berserk and try to hurt me,’ Akihiko lied to himself in a frantic attempt to justify his admittedly selfish actions. He knew damn well it was a lie, judging by the fact that it had only crossed his mind after already deciding to play along with Makoto’s delusions, but it still helped him feel better about his choice. It was something he could say if asked at the very least, because there was no way in hell he was going to tell Makoto the actual reason he didn’t try to reality-check him.

“I love you too. I, uh, guess,” he forced out, eyes once again locked with the floor. It was the first time he’d ever gotten to say that aloud to someone, and, while the circumstances were about as awful as they could get, strangely enough, he didn’t mind all that much. He tried not to think too much about it, though— He had to remind himself that this wasn’t consensual. He would only be taking advantage of Makoto’s state by letting his emotions get the better of him, after all, and what kind of senpai would he be if he exploited his underclassman for his own sake? This wasn’t what either of them wanted; It was only a result of poor circumstances. “Now let’s get you to bed. You must be tired.” Akihiko spoke quickly, before Makoto had the chance to say anything to tug at his heartstrings even further. “I’m surprised you can even still stand and talk like this. Even I usually can’t handle being hit with a spell like this for longer than a few minutes. Though, I suppose you have always been special…” Akihiko realized his mistake before he fully finished speaking, but the damage had already been done.

“Special?” Makoto spoke slowly and with caution, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard. “You think I’m special?” Goddamnit. Akihiko sighed, forcing himself to make eye contact with Makoto. His eyes were once again sparkling with joy, a grin tugging at his lips. He really had to learn to keep his mouth shut, didn’t he?

“Well, yeah.” Akihiko knew Makoto had twisted his words and taken it the wrong way, and he felt a bit guilty for unintentionally further indulging in his delusions, but, then again, he was used to people misinterpreting his words. At least he was aware of it this time. “Your presence in battle… I’ve never seen anything like it before.” He smiled slightly as he spoke, letting himself forget the context of the conversation for just a moment. He was telling the truth, and it was something he’d wished he could tell Makoto more often. There was something about the way he fought that was mesmerizing to watch, even ignoring his status as a Wildcard. He was fearless to a fault, often getting scolded by Mitsuru and Kotone for his recklessness in a way that almost reminded Akihiko of himself. He’d somehow managed to pick up the techniques of almost everyone’s weapons as well, something even Kotone seemed surprised by, and watching him switch from bow to sword to knife nonchalantly between matches made Akihiko feel a twinge of envy at his underclassman’s abilities.

But that wasn’t the only way he was special, at least in Akihiko’s eyes. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out what or why, but something else drew him in to Makoto. Perhaps it was the fact that they’d both lost their parents. Perhaps it was a hidden, childish envy that his sister had survived the accident that had killed their parents while Miki hadn’t. Or perhaps it was something much less serious, like the way he smiled softly to himself when he thought no one could see him, or the way he subtly moved his head along to the music he always seemed to be listening to.

But he couldn’t say that. He would struggle saying things like that to even normal Makoto, afraid that he would think he was strange for noticing such small things about him, but he especially couldn’t do it now, when anything and everything he could say had a chance of being misconstrued into something it wasn’t.

“Thank you.” Makoto spoke quietly and shyly, letting his real self shine through for a split second. “I fight that way for you. You’re so reckless that you’ll get hurt if I don’t protect you.” Akihiko blinked slowly, unable to come up with a fitting reply. He sounded as genuine as ever, voice sounding exactly as it did normally, and Akihiko had to stop and remind himself that this most likely wasn’t the truth. As embarrassing (and honestly a little insulting, if he was being honest) as it was to consider the idea of Makoto feeling the need to protect him, it was oddly sweet. He had no way of knowing if these were Makoto’s true feelings or not, and he would never have the guts to actually ask him once this had all worn off, but the thought made him feel sickeningly warm inside.

“Uh, thank you?” Akihiko awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. He thought about trying to defend himself, because, really, he wasn’t that reckless and Mitsuru and Shinji and basically everyone else in his life were totally exaggerating, but then he remembered that he’d shattered his ribs trying to defeat a full moon Shadow by himself right after meeting Makoto, and, okay, maybe he was a little reckless. Just a little.

“I can’t let you get hurt again. I love you too much.” And just like that, Makoto was back to being completely and utterly charmed. So much for his voice sounding normal. Akihiko bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying anything else that would wind up getting misconstrued, his eyes flickering back and forth between the ground and Makoto’s stupidly pretty gray eyes, but as it turned out, he didn’t even need to say anything to completely screw himself over again. “You’re so pretty when you blush like that.” He giggled, and Akihiko stumbled backwards in shock, nearly tripping over his own feet.

“I’m what when I huh?” He couldn’t tell if he was more caught up in the ‘pretty’ or the ‘blush,’ but either way, Makoto’s words repeated themselves in his mind like a mantra.

Makoto thought he was pretty when he blushed.

This wasn’t real, he had to remind himself for the umpteenth time, taking frantic breaths as if he’d just finished a horribly exhausting training session. This wasn’t real, this wasn’t what Makoto really thought at all, he was being extremely immature for letting this affect him in the way it was.

But no one had ever called him ‘pretty,’ before.

He’d heard a lot of compliments regarding his appearance before, from handsome to hot to… things he’d rather not repeat to himself, but never pretty. It was like a damn knife had been lodged directly into his heart, because Makoto had been the one to tell him that. Makoto Yuki, with his impossibly soft looking hair that never seemed to take any damage despite the fact it had apparently been dyed blue for years now. Makoto Yuki, with his pale gray eyes that were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on, stealing Akihiko’s attention away from anything and everything else with just a slight glance. Makoto Yuki and his warm arms, Makoto Yuki and his rare but sickeningly affectionate smiles, Makoto Yuki and his soft sweet voice, Makoto Yuki and his—

…

Oh.

In an instant, all of the puzzle pieces started to fit together. Why Akihiko had always felt so drawn to Makoto, in a way that couldn’t be explained by his status in SEES. Why he couldn’t seem to look away every time Makoto locked eyes with him, as rare as it was for him to do so. Why he’d always felt so nervous when approaching him, despite not considering himself shy by any means.

He’d fallen for Makoto, he finally acknowledged. And bad, too.

It all made sense now, and Akihiko couldn’t for the life of him figure out how that made him feel. It was an answer, sure, but was this really the right time to be making such a bold decision? This could still be Makoto’s spell rubbing off on him, right? Were these really his true feelings, or were Makoto’s kind words and soft touches messing with his head?

Deep down, Akihiko knew that wasn’t the case, but he liked the smokescreen of plausible deniability it provided him. He knew that his stupid, traitorous heart had fallen for their leader, because plenty of these ‘symptoms’ had been present long before today. Today had just given him a better opportunity to talk to Makoto and process the true meaning behind the strange feelings that seemed to flare up around him, because he’d been too damn nervous to do so before. That was one of the biggest unexplained mysteries that suddenly made sense now— Why he’d always felt so weirdly shy around their leader. Akihiko had attributed it to him not wanting to screw up a relationship so important to the longevity of SEES, an excuse that was especially flimsy considering the fact that he had no unusual difficulties talking to Kotone or Mitsuru, who also shared the title as their leaders.

He was so stupid. The more he thought about it, the more obvious it became to him, and the more obvious it became, the worse he felt. Was he taking advantage of Makoto’s situation by feeling this way? Would he be disgusted at Akihiko if he ever found out? Did it even matter? It wasn’t like these thoughts were going to be leaving his head anytime ever, so did it even matter what the truth behind his feelings were? Did it—

“Are you okay?” Makoto cocked his head like a curious cat, and Akihiko felt like he was going to throw up from all of the emotions swarming him. “Are you feeling sick? Need me to take care of you?” Absolutely not. In fact, that was the last thing he needed right now, thank you very much. Akihiko subconsciously backed away and let go of Makoto’s hand, his conversational abilities having completely disappeared. He stumbled out something borderline incomprehensible before sighing, fiddling with his gloves and trying his best to look like he wasn’t about to implode.

“I’m fine!” He apparently overdid his faux enthusiasm, judging by the way Makoto’s eyes widened with what almost looked like fear. “You should, uh, get to bed?” He sounded completely awkward, fake, and entirely unsure of himself, but Akihiko was honestly surprised that he could even speak at all right now.

“Not tired.” Makoto closed the distance Akihiko had created between them, looking him up and down with caution. “Why do you look so upset, Aki?” Makoto cupped his cheek once again and, okay, cool, go ahead and make his situation five thousand times worse. Aki. The nickname repeated in his head like a mantra, taunting him and making his heart melt into goo in his chest. Where the hell had Makoto even learned that from!? He’d met Shinji a total of twice as far as Akihiko was aware, and he was the only person that ever called him by that nickname. And now it was causing him to rethink his entire life because good lord , it had never made him feel like that. He was only used to hearing it come from Shinji’s mouth, something he’d done for so long he barely even noticed it anymore, so hearing it come from Makoto, soft and full of concern, broke him. He couldn’t breathe, his body and mouth equally failing him as he found himself unable to do anything but stare helplessly into those impossibly sweet gray eyes.

“Not— I’m— You?” Spectacular. Breathtaking performance. Gekkoukan’s golden boy, everyone. Christ, he was pathetic . Was this how love was supposed to feel? Like he’d just been punched a dozen times in the stomach? He’d had crushes before, and while none of them had gone particularly well for him, none of them had ever made him feel like this.

“You’re upset because of me?” Goddamnit. In the panic about his own issues, Akihiko had momentarily forgotten the fact that he needed to walk on eggshells around Makoto. He looked like he was about to burst into tears, mouth quivering and his eyes as wide as the sea with sadness and fear. Akihiko averted his eyes for his own sake, unable to cope with seeing Makoto as horribly upset as he was.

“N-No!” Akihiko’s voice cracked as he spoke. “I just— you— I don’t—”

“You don’t love me?” He really had to learn to just spit his words out, didn’t he? Makoto sounded like he was going to sob, a sound Akihiko had never thankfully heard in his voice until now. It was one of the worst damn sounds he’d ever heard, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he didn’t hear it again.

“No! I mean, yes, I mean—” Deep breath. He had to be direct, or Makoto would manage to misinterpret whatever he said as something negative. “I do love you.” He winced a little as he spoke, his newly discovered feelings putting a weight of guilt on his chest. This was for Makoto’s sake, he reminded himself, and it was the truth this time. Still, a voice in the back of his mind told him that he was taking advantage of this for his own selfish desires. “I was just… thinking, is all. I’m alright.” He forced a smile that, upon looking back in Makoto’s direction, slowly melted into a real one. It was embarrassing as all hell, but it helped him forget about his problems for just one moment. For just a split second there was no charm spell to worry about or inconvenient feelings to process— just soft, dark blue hair and warm gray eyes.

“You promise?” Makoto grabbed his hand gently, interlocking their fingers together through the fabric of his gloves once again.

“I… promise. Yeah.” He barely managed to finish speaking before Makoto practically headbutted himself back into Akihiko’s chest, affectionately nuzzling his head back into him like he was making a home for himself. Almost subconsciously, Akihiko raised his spare hand up to Makoto’s hair and ran a finger through it, and upon realizing what he was doing, couldn’t bring himself to pull away. He tried to come up with a reason to justify the action, mind racing through dozens of different excuses he felt he had to make for himself, before allowing himself to breathe. It wasn’t like he had just kissed Makoto without his consent or anything, he was just running a finger through his hair. His hair that, somehow, was even softer than it looked. It was like touching a cloud, to the point that Akihiko wondered how that was even possible with the amount of dye he put in it. Makoto leaned into the touch immediately like a cat being pet, a loving smile stretching across his face. Akihiko had planned on retracting his hand after a few seconds, because this was weird enough as it was, but, as always, his brain betrayed him. He couldn’t just pull away when Makoto looked like he was in heaven like that; It felt like he was breaking some sort of moral code.

“Why do you dye your hair blue, anyway?” Akihiko mumbled after a few seconds, mostly to himself. He didn’t expect to get a straight answer with Makoto in the state he was, but he couldn’t help his curiosity. “Or are you deciding to let your roots grow in?” He brushed against the hints of brown roots in Makoto’s hair, barely even registering what he was saying at this point. Makoto had him in a daze of sorts, not dissimilar from being under a charm spell himself. He didn’t have that excuse, though, and had to admit to himself that his current state was purely the result of his own pining.

“Wanna be pretty for you,” he mumbled against his chest. Akihiko wasn’t expecting a legitimate answer of course, but he couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the obvious falsehood. Hearing it still made him struggle to breathe, because of course it did, but he’d been hoping to learn more about the real Makoto. Akihiko didn’t often get to talk to him alone like this, after all, and especially not in a situation where Makoto was this talkative and not trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible. He supposed he could always try to talk to him after this was all over with, but he sincerely doubted this situation was going to make Makoto any easier to talk to him— It would probably result in the exact opposite, actually

“Okay.” Akihiko had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He withdrew his hand after a few more seconds, his head finally catching up with his heart and scolding him for letting this go on for as long as it had. “But we should really get you to bed,” Akihiko reiterated for the umpteenth time, hoping that if he repeated himself enough Makoto would just reluctantly agree. He seemed to do that all the time in his normal state, but judging by the pouty glare he received at the suggestion, the charm spell had altered that part of his personality too. Akihiko sighed to himself; Looked like he’d have to pull out the big guns. “We, uh—” He stumbled over his words trying to think of a lie that didn’t involve anything romantic, but quickly realized he wasn’t going to find one. He really, really didn’t want to do this, knowing it was going to screw with his heart just as much as it would screw with Makoto’s, but the faster he got Makoto to bed, the faster he could be alone to think about… everything. God, it was still embarrassing to even think about. How on earth he was going to cope with talking to the real Makoto after this he wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t think about that right now. Not when his heart was already seconds away from bursting out of his chest. “We’re, uh, going on a date tomorrow, remember?” Akihiko forced himself to keep a straight face and make eye contact as he spoke, needing to keep up the illusion as best as he could. “You don’t want to be tired, do you?”

“A date!?” Makoto’s eyes lit up in an almost cartoonish way, his hands squeezing Akihiko’s so tightly that it almost hurt. “Where are you taking me? What time? What should I wear? What—”

“Jeez, calm down.” Akihiko laughed with amusement, trying his hardest to make his way over to the bed despite the giant blue blob currently attached to him. “We’re, uh— Chagall. We’re going to Chagall.” He refused to let himself think about it for longer than absolutely necessary. He didn’t need his feelings getting in the way of what was supposed to be a necessary evil. Makoto’s feelings weren’t real and he wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way in the first place. Akihiko took a deep breath, thoughts of coffee scents and gentle touches sticking to the forefront of his mind as desperately as he tried to ignore them.

“Yay!!” The smile on Makoto’s face was far from one he would ever wear normally, which made Akihiko feel both better and worse simultaneously. This isn’t real. Stop feeling like it is. Akihiko swallowed, trying to shove all of these thoughts to the deepest corners of his mind. It didn’t work, but at the very least he wouldn’t have to deal with this much longer. The end of the Dark Hour had to have been approaching, though he hadn’t had the opportunity to go up to the command room and check. He would only have to deal with this nightmare for a little bit longer, and everything would return to normal. Whether or not Makoto would be willing to talk to him after all of this would remain to be seen, but either way, his heart wouldn’t have to be tested like this anymore. “I’m so excited!” Makoto was still beaming as Akihiko lifted him up into his bed, his body comfortably light in his arms. Akihiko subconsciously savored the moment— he doubted he’d ever be able to hold Makoto in his arms like this again. “I love you soooooo much!!”

“I… love you too.” Akihiko couldn’t force himself to make eye contact as he spoke. “Now get some rest, okay? I’ve never seen anyone be affected by a spell for this long; you better be okay after this.” He let his facade slip for a moment, though thankfully Makoto didn’t question him beyond a raised eyebrow. Akihiko set him down in his bed, moving his one lone pillow beneath Makoto’s head and gently tucking him in. Akihiko knew his bed wasn’t the most comfortable, with Shinji having once so lovingly compared it to sleeping on a bed of sharp rocks, but he tried his hardest to make it comfortable for Makoto. “Is there anything else you need? Water, medicine? Want me to bring you Koromaru?” He lifted the back of his palm to Makoto’s head once more to check his temperature. He was still warm, but not enough for it to be a fever. Akihiko let out a relieved sigh, taking a step back and readying himself to finally be free from this nightmare.

“Nope. I feel great.” Makoto shook his head, his smile fading a little bit for whatever reason. “But you’re gonna lay with me, right?”

“Okay, well if you don’t need anything I’ll be down in the lob— Huh?” Akihiko prayed that Makoto hadn’t said what he’d thought he had, but, of course, nothing could possibly go that well for him today.

“You’re gonna lay with me, right Aki?” His voice cracked a little as he spoke, almost as if he was about to start crying. Again. Akihiko had to hand it to the Shadow that had cast this on him; It knew exactly how to manipulate people into giving into their demands. Or maybe that was just Akihiko not having the heart to deny Makoto anything he wanted. Truthfully, he didn’t want to know the real answer. “You always lay with me,” he continued, sniffling a bit.

“I do?” Akihiko couldn’t help his shock, though he quickly corrected himself. It was a little disconcerting that this spell had affected his memories as well, but he had to play along with it. “I mean— I do! I just—” I can’t tonight, he tried to force out of his mouth. He was avoiding eye contact like the plague, knowing from experience that the instant he looked into those gray eyes he’d be climbing right into bed with him. But, even with his precautions, Makoto still found a way to sneak into his heart.

“You don’t love me?” Not again. It was the most stock guilt-trip method ever, and yet Akihiko found his heart sinking deeper into his chest with every word out of Makoto’s mouth. “Are you taking me to Chagall to break up with me? Is that why?”

“No? Why the hell would I do that??” God, was he happy that normal Makoto wasn’t like this. He hadn’t even been dealing with this for a full hour yet, and he already felt like he was going to lose his mind; He couldn’t imagine how he’d survive if he had to manage every day. Akihiko squeezed his eyes shut in frustration, taking a deep breath and trying desperately to come up with an excuse that would work for the both of them. It would have been infinitely easier to just give in to Makoto’s stupid demands and bide his time until the Dark Hour ended, but he couldn’t. There were about a million and one reasons that it was an awful idea, but there was one in particular that kept rearing its ugly head in the front of his mind.

Was he… taking advantage of this? How much of this was him giving in to his delusion for the sake of Makoto not going berserk, and how much of it was him secretly trying to live out a twisted fantasy that would never happen? He couldn’t tell for the life of him. He was about as in touch with his emotions as he was with other people’s, which was to say not at all. He could always make the excuse that this was for both of their safety, but how much of it was just that, an excuse? He didn’t know, and it was eating him away from the inside. His… new feelings had complicated things, and the mere thought that he had abused this situation for his own benefit made Akihiko feel sick to his stomach.

“I have to go take Koromaru for a walk,” Akihiko muttered after nearly a minute of silently thinking to himself. He was at the door almost immediately, not wanting to let himself fall victim to Makoto’s guilt-tripping once again.

“But we walked him together earlier!” Makoto whined, the words catching his ear before he managed to make it out of the room. He was right, they had, and that was probably why it was the first excuse to come to mind, though he hadn’t expected Makoto to remember it in his current state. Looking back to even just a few hours ago, it was a miracle Akihiko hadn’t realized all of this much earlier. They’d taken Koromaru to the shrine to play around, and Akihiko had been incapacitated for almost a full minute from just the way the setting sun reflected off of Makoto’s hair and eyes. It was an even bigger miracle that Makoto hadn’t noticed his staring, but, hey, he wasn’t going to complain. “Are you replacing me?” Makoto’s voice cracked again, this time sounding about a millisecond away from full on sobbing.

“N-No, of course not! How would I even replace you with a dog?” Against his better judgment, Akihiko looked back over at Makoto. There were tears welling in his eyes, pupils dilated to the point of looking like black holes. He wasn’t going to be strong enough to fight against this, was he? God, he was pathetic. Still, he had to at least try. “I’m not replacing you. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” A truthful statement, and one he’d wished he had the confidence to tell Makoto normally. Akihiko had hoped that would be enough to calm him down, but of course, it wasn’t. He looked even closer to crying than he did before, his hands rubbing at his eyes in a way that looked almost pathetic and very unlike himself. “I, uh, love you?” Akihiko tried again, though he sounded so unsure of himself that he couldn’t have even convinced a brick wall. He didn’t blame himself this time either— With the mixture of emotions flooding through his mind, it was a miracle he was able to even force those words out to begin with. Still, he despised the fact that Makoto Yuki was crying in front of him and he was powerless to do anything about it.

Well, there was something he could do. But he wasn’t, he couldn’t—

“If you love me you’ll lay with me.” His tears were falling like a waterfall now, a completely foreign expression to see on Makoto’s often expressionless face. Something Akihiko was suddenly immensely thankful for, because his heart nearly split in half at the sight, and he wasn’t sure how he’d survive if he had to see him cry like this more often. Akihiko tried shutting his eyes and shaking his head to clear his mind, hoping it would provide him with enough clarity and confidence to just leave the room and wait for the Dark Hour to end, but as he expected, his hand faltered at the doorknob. For god’s sake, this wasn’t even the real Makoto. These weren’t his real feelings, weren’t his real tears. So why on earth was it affecting him like this? Had he really fallen that badly already? If his pride hadn’t already been completely destroyed by the events of tonight he may have come up with an excuse for himself, probably something about being affected by Makoto’s charm spell by proxy again or something, but he was past the point of lying to himself. This was all him, and him alone.

“I can’t, Makoto.” He’d all but given up trying to calm him down, but hopefully he could at least bide his time until the Dark Hour ended. “You’ll thank me later, I promise.” He was already grappling with the fact that Makoto already may or may not want to talk to him after this, and doing something as stupid as cuddling with him right as the Dark Hour was about to end and his spell would be cured was practically a death sentence. It was weird, it was unnecessary, and sure, even thinking about it made his heart flutter in his chest to the point that he felt lightheaded, but he couldn’t be selfish here. Makoto didn’t actually want this, and he shouldn’t either. It was that simple. Or, at least, it should have been.

“Then at least come here. Please.” He was less hostile than Akihiko was expecting, but the pure sadness and desperation leaking through his voice hit harder than any punch he’d ever received. He walked back over to the bed and peered down over Makoto, their eyes locking for a brief second before Akihiko averted his gaze. It was the least he could do after breaking his heart like that, after all. Makoto stuck his hand out, shaky and uncertain, and Akihiko instinctively interlocked their fingers together. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he felt Makoto’s warmth in his palm, and for a moment, there was nothing else that mattered. There was no Tartarus, no Dark Hour, no worries and doubts haunting him at every turn. There was only Makoto. Only the warmth in his palm that he could feel even through his gloves, only the soft gray eyes that showed so much emotion by showing none at all.

“I really, really love you,” Makoto whispered, speaking with such conviction that it was impossible to believe it was nothing more than an illusion. For a moment, just a single split second, Akihiko allowed himself to indulge. He let himself believe this was real, casting aside the voice in the back of his head calling him selfish and similar insulting words. There wouldn’t be another opportunity like this, after all, and he felt like he was going to implode under the waves of emotions that had hit him so suddenly. It was okay to be selfish for just a moment, right?

“I… think I love you too.” It was a simple statement, and one that was spoken to what was essentially someone entirely other than Makoto, but it was still a massive weight lifted off of Akihiko’s chest. He could breathe now, knowing that his feelings were at least out there in some fashion. He still had his doubts, and there was a new, growing voice in the back of his head screaming at him for admitting something like that when there was a slim chance of Makoto remembering what he had said, but they were all drowned out. Drowned out by the overjoyed, natural-looking smile now tugging at Makoto’s lips, drowned out by those soft, pale eyes staring up at him with a sickeningly sweet bittersweet affection, drowned out by Makoto’s tightening grip on his glove. Drowned out by Makoto, and the small details Akihiko wished he’d had more time to appreciate up close like this.

“Akihiko, I—” Makoto mumbled, his voice lower and shyer than Akihiko had ever heard it before. He listened intently, his world still having slowed to a crawl in Makoto’s presence, but the end of his sentence was lost against the world shifting beneath them.

A flash of light. It was silent, yet deafening at the same time. It always was, and Akihiko had still yet to figure out why. In an instant, the world lost its faint green tint. The TV in the corner turned on, the extra lights brightened up the room, and the air conditioning whirred back to life.

The Dark Hour was over. That meant that Makoto’s spell should have been fully reversed, and—

“Fuck!” Makoto hissed a sharp cry of pain before Akihiko could even have half a brain to ask him if he was okay, his hand jolting away from Akihiko’s glove and clutching his head with a wince.

“M-Makoto!” He was so stupid. He should have been spending the last few minutes gathering medicines and anything else Makoto might need upon waking up instead of getting lost in his stupid feelings . “Do you need anything? Are you okay?” It was incredibly obvious that he was, in fact, not okay, but he still asked out of courtesy. Akihiko’s eyes widened with worry as he peered over the bed, mind scrambling as he tried to think of everything Makoto could possibly need for his condition. He didn’t respond for a while, each passing second making Akihiko progressively more and more worried, until he finally opened his eyes back up, staring up at Akihiko with an exhausted confusion.

“Why are you—? Why am I —?” Makoto shook his head, taking a deep breath as he tried to steady himself. “What… happened?” In classic Makoto fashion he didn’t seem fazed in the slightest, sounding more curious than scared or worried. He sat up slowly, still clutching his head as he examined his surroundings. Makoto didn’t say a word about the fact that he was in Akihiko’s room, much less his bed, instead looking up at him expectantly upon realizing.

“Ah, well—” Akihiko let out a breath of relief that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. He didn’t remember. Didn’t remember the embarrassing things he’d done, didn’t remember the even more embarrassing things Akihiko had done in return. Things weren’t going to be weird between them, he didn’t have to awkwardly explain his actions, and he could simply let his feelings fade with time. This was supposed to be a good thing, and quite literally what he had hoped for, so why did a small part of him feel disappointed? Was he really that selfish? Akihiko took a deep breath, shaking his head. He didn’t have time to deal with this right now. He had to make sure Makoto wasn’t fucking dying first; he could worry about his stupid feelings later. “You got hit with a spell we didn’t recognize, and none of us could find a way to cure it. So I took you back to the dorms to watch over you until the Dark Hour ended.” It wasn’t the whole truth, and a part of him felt guilty for omitting details like he had, but he really, really doubted Makoto wanted to hear the full extent of everything that had happened. It was for his sake, Akihiko weakly convinced himself, though he knew it was in part a selfish act.

“Oh. Thanks.” Makoto moved a strand of hair out of his eye, though he didn’t break his eye contact with Akihiko. There was something… off about him, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what. Akihiko shrugged the feeling off, attributing it to both awkwardness after everything that had just happened and his faulty people-reading skills, though he still couldn’t help but feel as though something was wrong.

“It’s no problem. Are you feeling any better?” Akihiko almost reached in to check his temperature again on instinct, before remembering that Makoto was normal again and that it would be weird to do something like that now. Would it be weird? God, he didn’t know, but it sure felt weird, and he would rather be safe than sorry.

“Head hurts. But I’m okay.” If his suspicions were correct Makoto was completely lying through his teeth, because even Akihiko could see the pain in his expression, but trying to get Makoto to talk about something he didn’t want to was like trying to squeeze water from a stone, so he didn’t push any further.

“Let me at least grab you a painkiller, then. You were out for quite a while.” Not even a full second after he finished speaking, Makoto grabbed his head again, wincing and breathing heavily as he dug his nails into the side of his head. It was painful for Akihiko to watch, in a way unlike all of the other times he’d seen his friends get injured. Every passing second felt like a year, and though it didn’t last long in reality, Akihiko hated that there was nothing he could do to help. Makoto moved his hands back down after a few seconds, his expression having shifted from pain to something Akihiko couldn’t quite identify.

“Oh.” That single word had more emotion put into it than the majority of Makoto’s words ever did. Akihiko could tell he was emotional, and that something was wrong, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was, exactly. He wasn’t sure, but whatever it was, it didn’t look good, and Akihiko felt a growing lump in his throat. Before he had the chance to ask what had happened, Makoto continued, his eyes looking down at the bedsheets as he tugged on the ends of his hair. “That’s what you meant by ‘spell.’” It didn’t click for a moment. For a second, for one horrible, pain-staking second, Akihiko’s mind ran through every possibility of what Makoto could have meant, hoping desperately that he didn’t mean what he thought he had.

He really had to learn to stop jinxing himself.

“You remember?” Akihiko held his breath, his heart sinking into his chest as he watched Makoto give a small nod in response. He was still looking away, which was probably a blessing in disguise—Akihiko wasn’t sure he could handle finding out what Makoto’s expression looked like right now. Whether it was shame, disgust, or something in between, it sure as hell wasn’t positive, though, and that thought made Akihiko feel sick to his stomach. He remembered. It wasn’t a far stretch to assume that he remembered everything, from the hand in his hair to Akihiko’s confession, and the weight of that possibility made his face burn with shame. “Makoto, I—”

“Don’t apologize.” Makoto cut him off, somehow having read his mind. It was most likely for the best, considering Akihiko hadn’t been entirely sure where he was going with his statement beyond an incoherent stream of awkward apologies. “You did what you had to. Sorry you had to deal with that.” He stood up from the bed, and though his eyes were still locked to the floor like his life depended on it, Akihiko could see his expression now. It wasn’t like that did him much good, considering he couldn’t figure out what the hell his expression meant, but at the very least he didn’t appear to be visibly upset in any way. “I’m… going to Paulownia.” Makoto hesitated for a moment before speed-walking towards the door, his hand reaching for the doorknob yet not turning it. He sounded completely serious, and knowing Makoto, he very well may have been.

“Wh— Now!?” Akihiko had grown used to Makoto’s occasionally irrational decisions, but this was a new one. His heart sank even deeper upon the realization that it was probably to get away from him, but once again, he shook the feeling off for the sake of focusing all of his attention on Makoto. “It’s past midnight! And you shouldn’t even be standing up right now, let alone walking all the way to Paulownia!” Mischievously smiling to himself in a way he thought Akihiko couldn’t see, Makoto slowly turned the doorknob and made his way out into the hallway. Akihiko had no choice but to follow him, praying that this was some sort of bit he was doing instead of an actual plan. He knew he couldn’t stop him if this was really what he was intent on doing, but he really, really didn’t like the idea of Makoto going out alone this late at night while he was still recovering. Akihiko himself had made his fair share of equally stupid decisions, having caused Mitsuru to threaten to board up his windows from the amount of times he’d snuck out freshman year, but he found himself partially responsible for Makoto’s current situation, and felt a deep, burning need to keep him safe.

“Eh.” Makoto shrugged, not slowing his pace as he began to walk down the stairs to the lobby. Akihiko quickly caught up to him, ready to start spouting more reasons as to why this was a horrible idea and how Mitsuru was going to have them both executed if the group came back to the both of them missing, before promptly freezing in place. “If you’re so concerned about me then come with.” Come with him? Now? After everything? Makoto’s tone didn’t seem the least bit sarcastic, either. He sounded inviting, if anything, which only raised even more questions. Did he not remember the extent of what had happened? Did he not care? Knowing Makoto it was probably the latter, but something still bothered him.

“You want me to come with you?” He asked for clarification, because something about this still wasn’t sitting right with him. He didn’t seem anywhere near as uncomfortable about all of this as Akihiko expected he would be. Though trying to predict Makoto’s emotions was like trying to choose winning lottery numbers, Akihiko would have thought that every person with a functioning brain would have been put off by… whatever the hell had just gone down. If he suddenly remembered enough to know he’d been hit with a charm spell then he should have remembered everything , right? Akihiko’s messy love confession included? So why was he acting like nothing was wrong? Was he not disgusted or put off? And if he wasn’t, was that because of his apathetic attitude, or something else? Something Akihiko really, really hoped it was? He didn’t know, and it was driving him insane. He should have expected as much due to who exactly he was talking to, but he wanted a straight answer just this once. Unfortunately, this wasn’t exactly something he could just ask, because absolutely not. He was not crossing that bridge, even if his life depended on it.

“Something like that.” Makoto kept walking downstairs until he reached the lobby, though he slowed down as he noticed Akihiko wasn’t following him, as if he was waiting for him to catch up. If he wasn’t juggling a million different emotions right now, half of them being annoyance at Makoto’s recklessness, Akihiko would’ve thought it was sweet.

“Why?” He hoped his question came off more as innocent banter than an interrogation, though regulating his tone was another thing he tended to struggle with. Though, he didn’t let himself think about it too deeply; He had more than enough to worry about right now.

“Why not?” He kept walking as Akihiko caught up to him, and for just a moment, he caught a glimpse of a shy smile tugging at his lips. Akihiko took a deep breath in and out, already pre-scolding himself for the decision he was about to make.

Stupid Makoto and his stupid smile.

“Has anyone ever told you how hard you are to read?” Akihiko gave a frustrated smile as Makoto once again shifted his hair out of his eyes. Now that he thought about it, how did he even see with his bangs so long? Whatever; it was hardly like that was the most mysterious thing about their leader.

“No.” Makoto turned to face him for a brief second, his expression as blank as ever, with any and all semblance of his smile completely gone. Was it something he’d said, or was he just that dedicated to hiding his emotions? “You’re the first person to ever tell me that.” Akihiko just barely managed to detect his sarcasm, thank god, but before he could come up with a suitable response, Makoto shifted the topic. “So you’re coming with me, then?” Like clockwork, his eyes were back on the floor. His voice was shyer than it had been moments prior too, like he was embarrassed of his question in a way.

“I guess so, yeah.” Despite everything, Akihiko smiled to himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to put aside all of his worries, but a trip to Paulownia sounded like just the thing he needed to get his mind off of everything. Ironic, considering only minutes prior he had been waiting for the Dark Hour to end to get away from Makoto. “Just let me text Mitsuru and tell her we’re out. She’ll still probably kill us either way, but at least she won’t think something bad happened.” Jesus, he couldn’t believe he was actually agreeing to this. Maybe Makoto knew he had this effect on him, and he was using it to his advantage. The bastard.

“Fine with me.” Makoto held the door open for him, and, still unsure of his decision, Akihiko walked through. He didn’t waste a second grabbing his phone from his pocket and typing out a message to Mitsuru, because he wouldn’t really have the chance to enjoy the night out with Makoto if the threat of Mitsuru killing him was looming overhead.

> Makoto’s doing fine. We’re going to Paulownia.

He tried to shove his phone back in his pocket as soon as possible, wanting to mute it for plausible deniability, but of course, Mitsuru replied within seconds. Made sense, considering she was probably already typing something out to check up on them.

> That’s good to hear. But why are you going out so late at night? It’s dangerous, and you don’t know if he’s fully healed yet. Please stay at the dorms until we can verify his safety.

Now that he thought about it, why were they going to Paulownia? He had instinctively assumed it was for supplies, because that was the alleged purpose of most of Makoto’s unusually late Paulownia trips, but if that were the case couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow?

“What are we, uh, doing, exactly?” He asked awkwardly, embarrassed that he had agreed to do this without even knowing where or why they were going. “Most of the mall’s closed by now. Do you really have to do this tonight?”

“Hair dye,” he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Akihiko couldn’t help the loud, exaggerated sigh that came out of his mouth. Great. He was probably going to have Mitsuru chew him out for the next month because Makoto couldn’t wait a few hours to dye his hair. As infuriating that was, it was just like him to do something like this. “You said my roots were showing. If you noticed then everyone else is going to. Don’t wanna draw attention to it.” It didn’t hit him for a moment. Other than the obvious flawed logic and annoyance that they were doing all of this for something that could easily wait until the morning, his statement didn’t stick out as unusual. And then Akihiko remembered that he’d only made a comment about his roots while he was under the influence of the spell, and, oh. Oh no.

If he remembered something that insignificant, he had to remember everything else, right?

Akihiko swallowed. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, his face burning with a hot mixture of embarrassment and shame. Makoto remembered everything. He had to, and yet, he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t said a word and then invited him out to Paulownia as if nothing had happened. He was back in the same cycle of doubt again, wondering if this was another case of Makoto not caring, or something else entirely. For all he knew Makoto had invited him out here to kill him— he had no idea, and it was driving him insane.

“You okay?” Makoto asked him after a suspiciously long period of silence, and Akihiko snapped back to reality, forcing a smile and pretending that he didn’t want to punch the other in the face for messing with his emotions like this.

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered out. “Thanks.” He took another deep breath, wishing he didn’t have to put more effort into his breath control talking to a damn boy than he did during boxing practice, and decided to change the subject. He still wasn’t confident enough to ask Makoto outright— he honestly didn’t think he ever would be— so keeping the conversation flowing in a way that didn’t make the fact that he was about to melt into the sidewalk painfully obvious seemed like his best bet. “So you don’t want to draw attention to yourself, so you’re sneaking out past midnight when everyone’s already worried sick about you?” His plan seemed to work well enough, and Makoto gave a half-nod and continued walking, as if nothing about that seemed wrong to him. “Isn’t that just going to draw more attention?”

“No one’s noticed before.” He shrugged. Akihiko really didn’t like the implications that Makoto had done this same exact thing multiple times before, but decided not to argue with him. Besides, Akihiko didn’t have much ground to stand on when it came to sneaking out. “And it’s actually easier this way. They know I feel fine enough to leave the dorms, so they won’t all worry about me and stuff.” As flimsy as his logic sounded, that actually made sense. Makoto seemed to hate being the center of attention to an unusual degree, so Akihiko could understand why having all of SEES watching over him with worry could be overwhelming to him. Still, he wasn’t sure if this was the proper solution, but, hey, it meant he got to spend more time with Makoto. Whether that was a good thing or not remained to be seen, though. “And you’re totally being a hypocrite for trying to talk me out of this. I’ve heard you sneak out way later than this.”

“Shit, you’ve noticed that?” Akihiko’s eyes widened, and Makoto looked up at him with a mischievous expression. He supposed he’d rather have Makoto know than anyone else, considering he was the least likely to rat him out or confront him about it, but it was still embarrassing. Was he really that obvious about it? Then how had Mitsuru not chewed him out about it since freshman year?

“Only because I’m still awake when you sneak out.” Of course he was. Akihiko made a mental note to scold Makoto for his abysmal sleeping schedule later, only because he didn’t have the energy right now. Makoto’s expression lifted slightly, not to a full-on smile, but not quite a neutral expression either. It may have just been wishful thinking, but he looked much happier than he normally did. “But still. You can’t get mad at me when you do the same thing all the time.” Makoto was right to an extent, except, no, he wasn’t, because he had been completely incapacitated under a charm spell ten minutes ago and should definitely be resting right now. Akihiko snuck out occasionally, sure, but never when his health or safety was at risk.

“I don’t sneak out when I’m sick and the entire dorm is worried about me, though.” Makoto opened his mouth to argue, probably about to spout out something about him not being sick despite the fact he’d been clutching his head in pain mere minutes ago, but Akihiko continued before he could let that happen. “And besides, that’s… different.” Akihiko’s mind flashed back to all of the times he’d snuck out of the dorm. Almost all of them involved Shinjiro somehow, whether it was a stupid decision made by the both of them or an even stupider decision made by Akihiko to try and get him to come back to the dorms for the umpteenth time. It was a lot better of a reason to endanger himself than hair dye, but he couldn’t tell Makoto that. The less he had to know about all of that the better, and until Shinji could be here to explain it himself, he didn’t want him to know.

“Okay, then enlighten me.” Makoto shoved his hands into his pockets, inching ever so slightly closer to him in a way that definitely didn’t make Akihiko’s heart skip a beat or two. “What reason do you have for sneaking out? Since it’s apparently sooooo much more noble and important than my hair dye.” Shit. He wasn’t going to back down from his statement, but he couldn’t exactly think of a good lie, either. Once again, he really had to learn to stop running his mouth.

“I was… seeing a friend,” he decided after a few seconds, realizing a bit too late that his excuse was, in fact, probably a worse reason to sneak out in the middle of the night than Makoto’s.

“Mhm.” His voice was so sarcastic that it felt like a bucket of salt had been dumped into Akihiko’s metaphorical wound. “And how exactly is your hookup more excusable than my hair dye?”

“It’s kind of hard to explain, but I— hookup!?” Akihiko made an incomprehensible noise as he stopped dead in his tracks, his face burning embarrassingly bright for something meant as nothing more than a tease. He hoped it was meant that way, anyway, because if Makoto seriously thought he was sneaking out for a hookup with Shinji he had a much more pressing issue on his hands. Makoto laughed in response to his freakout, and, holy shit he actually laughed and it was the cutest damn thing Akihiko had ever heard.

“I mean, you’re sneaking out at three in the morning to see a ‘friend.’” Akihiko scanned Makoto’s face for any signs of sarcasm, praying to every god he could possibly think of that he was at least partially joking about this, and let out a breath of relief when he noticed the slightest hint of a mischievous smile on his face. “And I always hear you on the phone with some guy before you leave. Even if you do sound more annoyed than anything else.” He had to have been talking about his late-night phone calls with Shinji, that had been turning into arguments faster and faster these last few months. If this were in literally any other situation Akihiko would have felt relieved that he didn’t know the full story, but when he was being accused of hooking up with him, he almost wanted to tell Makoto everything just to clear his name.

“Me and Shinji are not hooking up!” That was a sentence he never thought he’d have to say, and especially not to Makoto. “We’re friends. Kind of. It’s a long story, but we’re not…” Another deep breath, this one followed by a traitorous smile tugging at his lips. “You’re just doing this to mess with me, aren’t you?” Though he tried his hardest to hide it, Makoto smiled back.

“Can’t blame me. It’s fun.” He looked like he was going to add something else, his brows furrowed in thought, but he instead shifted his eyes away and looked down at the ground. He looked upset, and not in the neutral way he normally did, either. As usual, Akihiko couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. Was it something he’d said? Something he hadn’t? Something entirely unrelated? He had no idea, and even though he was used to being unable to read Makoto’s emotions by this point, it still bothered him.

> Akihiko?

Mitsuru’s text drew his attention away, which was likely for the best. He couldn’t let himself get absorbed in every one of Makoto’s actions, because he was about as readable as a brick wall, and there was no point in stressing about things he couldn’t change.

“What’re you gonna tell her?” Almost as if he’d teleported, Makoto peered over at his phone screen, his eyes scanning over his messages.

“…Nothing.” Akihiko admitted after trying to think of any feasible way Mitsuru would be fine with their outing. “She’ll tell us to stay home no matter what I say. And she sure as hell isn’t going to take hair dye as an excuse.” Though giving her an actual reason would probably lessen her anger, it also defeated the entire purpose of this stupid outing in the first place. If Makoto really cared enough about not drawing attention to his roots, then telling Mitsuru the truth as to why they’d left the dorm would draw even more attention to them than if he had just waited until the morning to dye it. He made the excuse to himself that it was because he didn’t feel like arguing with Mitsuru, but he knew that the real reason was to protect Makoto’s feelings, as silly as they were.

“Fair enough.” Makoto shook his head, seemingly to get his bangs out of his eyes, only to instead have them fall even closer to them. Akihiko couldn’t help the small laugh that left his mouth, which Makoto didn’t seem to appreciate. “Shut up,” he commanded, and though he tried to sound serious, a tiny smile broke through the façade.

“Hey, I didn’t say anything.” Makoto’s smile grew momentarily before he looked away, his face pink with embarrassment as his gaze shifted back and forth from the ground to the stores growing into view in front of them. It wasn’t often that he was outwardly embarrassed like this, and Akihiko couldn’t say he didn’t find it at least a bit cute.

“Oh. We’re here,” Makoto mumbled even quieter than usual, almost as if he was talking to the ground rather than Akihiko. He took a hand out of his pocket and glanced over at Akihiko expectantly, though not even a full second passed before he retracted his hand and looked away once again. Akihiko raised an eyebrow, but ultimately didn’t question him.

“Try to be quick,” he urged, though he knew Makoto would take as long as he damn well pleased. Aptly, Makoto only rolled his eyes in response as they neared the entrance of the Paulownia general store. “We still don’t know if you’re fully healed yet. You shouldn’t be out for long.” Makoto shot him a glare as he held the door open, and despite the cold expression on his face, Akihiko could sense some vague form of fondness coming from him.

“Like you’re one to talk.” The two of them entered the store, and, unsurprisingly, they were the only ones in there barring a cashier that looked seconds away from falling asleep on the counter. “How many times has Mitsuru forced you to heal yourself ‘cuz you kept trying to fight while injured?” His tone made him sound like he was joking, and he kept a neutral expression on his face, but for whatever reason, Akihiko could feel a serious undertone to his words. He had no idea why, especially considering he could hardly even read people’s surface-level expressions and tones a majority of the time, but something was different about Makoto. Somehow, he was simultaneously both impossible to read and easier to understand than the rest of his peers. Akihiko didn’t quite understand it, but that wasn’t something he was going to complain about.

“That’s different,” he ‘explained’ as Makoto made his way through the impossible amount of beauty aisles, except it wasn’t really an explanation at all, because he knew Makoto was right. He simply cared about Makoto’s recklessness more than his own, because… reasons. Reasons that he couldn’t justify even to himself, but reasons nonetheless. As little sense as it made, and as cheesy as it was, seeing Makoto injured hurt Akihiko more than if he himself was the one struck. And with how Makoto seemed to be even more stupidly reckless than Akihiko at times, often not seeming to even care whether or not he ended up dead, Akihiko felt a burning need deep inside to keep him as safe as possible, because he sure as hell wasn’t going to do it himself.

“Mhm.” Makoto drew out his comment with a painful amount of sarcasm in his voice. His hands grazed the shelves, walking past the aisles upon aisles of makeup and skincare before finally reaching the small selection of hair dyes near the back of the store. “Like how sneaking out for your hookups is different from me sneaking out for hair dye?”

“I’m not sneaking out for a hookup!” He reiterated, perhaps a bit too loudly for the public place they were in. Makoto laughed to himself almost silently, hiding his smile behind a box of hair dye he held up to check the details of. “But we’re not talking about me here. You’re the one who was completely out of it twenty minutes ago! We don’t know what kind of after-effects that spell has, you could be in serious…” Akihiko trailed off, realizing that his words were most likely falling upon deaf ears. Makoto was completely engrossed in two boxes of hair dye, repeatedly reading the information on the back and comparing the pictures as if this were a life or death decision. “Are you even listening to me?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.

“No, not really.” Akihiko sighed; he appreciated the honesty, at the very least. “Should I get indigo or cobalt?” He handed Akihiko the two boxes with a dead serious look in his eyes. Akihiko took them cautiously, surprised that this was the one thing Makoto seemed completely serious about but happy he’d found something he took interest in. “I usually get cobalt. But they started stocking indigo, and it looks nicer.” Looking at the two boxes, they looked almost identical to Akihiko. If he squinted he could manage to make out a very slight difference between the two, but they still looked like the same color to him. He had no idea why Makoto was so troubled by a decision between two near-identical products, but he wasn’t going to make a fuss about it. It was nice to see him be passionate about something, even if it was something he didn’t personally understand.

“You should get indigo, then, if you think it looks nicer. Besides, it can be nice to have a change for once.” Akihiko handed the two boxes back over, expecting for Makoto to have been satisfied with his words, but his furrowed brow said otherwise.

“But do you think people will notice?” Akihiko blinked slowly. No? They’re the same exact color? He bit back his words, though— something told him that wasn’t what Makoto wanted to hear. “I don’t want people to notice that something changed. But the indigo looks really nice.”

“Huh?” Akihiko should have learned not to question Makoto by now, but come on. He didn’t really understand why he was so caught up in the decision between the two colors anyway, but he didn’t want people to notice? Didn’t that defeat the point of this entire thing? “Then what’s the point of even dyeing it, then?”

“For me.” Makoto put the cobalt color back on the shelf, tucking the indigo box beneath his arm. “Kotone used to make a huge deal out of me dying my hair when I was still trying to figure out the color. It was annoying.” Ah. That made a little sense, he supposed, but did he really hate attention to that extent? Wasn’t people noticing a small change like that supposed to be a good thing? And if he hated attention so much, why the hell did he choose such a flashy color in the first place? Still, Akihiko was glad that he did it— Imagining Makoto with a hair color other than blue felt unnatural. The deep blue fit him perfectly, especially contrasted with his stupidly pretty pale gray eyes. “I also convinced Junpei it was natural. And I wanna keep that going as long as I can.” Akihiko couldn’t help the childish giggle that left his mouth. He was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to be encouraging this as his senior, but…

“How did you even manage that?” They started making their way back through the winding maze of aisles, somehow getting even more lost than they had on the way to the hair dye in the first place.

“It’s Junpei.” Makoto shrugged, hands grazing the aisles once again. Akihiko forced himself to look away from the rows of products, not wanting to end up buying anything he didn't need. “Kotone says I should tell him the truth. But it’s gone on too long for him to not make a big deal about it.” Subtly, Makoto picked something off of the shelf and hid it beneath the box of hair dye he’d picked. Akihiko only noticed out of the corner of his eye, but whatever it was had a pastel pink box. Interesting. “Plus, it’s kinda fun.”

“I think you and I have very different ideas of fun.” Makoto looked back at him with some vague look of disapproval Akihiko couldn’t quite identify, and finally, they made their way back to the front of the store.

“Your idea of fun is punching things,” Makoto retorted as he set his items on the counter. Akihiko couldn’t quite tell if he had meant it as a joke or not, but regardless, he had to defend his honor.

“Hey! Boxing is not just punching things!” He knew Makoto most likely wasn’t being entirely serious, considering he spoke with sarcasm more often than he spoke genuinely, but it still irked him a little bit. Makoto didn’t respond, only staying eerily silent as he pulled out his wallet to pay. It took way longer than it should have, with the cashier looking like he hadn’t slept in days and all, but he eventually handed Makoto his change and bag. Akihiko could see the blindingly bright pink box in full now, and upon closer inspection, it seemed to be a box of strawberry flavored candy. Subconsciously, Akihiko smiled to himself. He didn’t know Makoto had a sweet tooth, though, thinking about it more, it seemed just like him. He quickly followed Makoto out the door, who seemed to be moving significantly faster than usual, until they were back out underneath the moonlight. Akihiko kept walking, hoping to get back before Mitsuru and the others so that he didn’t end up getting lectured again, before he noticed that Makoto wasn’t following him. He was looking down at the ground, shuffling his feet in a shy, nervous manner that was unbefitting of him. “Everything okay?” He asked, worried, and Makoto’s eyes widened like a child caught eating paste.

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered out, expression shifting rapidly between dozens of different emotions, though none of them looked particularly good. He refused to look at Akihiko, instead focusing his eyes on the area behind him. He looked… off. Completely off, to the point of being uncanny. He was acting unlike himself, and it set off a dozen protective sensors in Akihiko’s mind. It almost reminded him of charmed Makoto, and not in a good way. “Let’s go,” he managed, having regained a somewhat normal tone. Akihiko still didn’t believe him, though. Something was off, and he was going to find out what it was.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” He pressed, and Makoto clenched a fist. “You’re not sick, are you? This is why I told you we should have stayed at the—”

“I’m fine,” he spat, exhibiting a certain type of anger that Akihiko rarely saw in him. Makoto seemed to have noticed his shift in tone after a few seconds, and lowered his voice down to something near a whisper. An unusually soft whisper, lacking the drive or even the calmness Makoto’s voice usually had. “I’m gonna go look around the music store. You can go back without me.” As if there weren’t already enough red flags that something was gravely, that would have sealed the deal. Akihiko knew that stupid music store closed at eleven, because, as horribly embarrassing as it was to admit, he’d gone in there a few times to browse around in an attempt to find something to strike up a conversation with Makoto about. None of his outings had been particularly successful, with all of the CDs and albums and whatnot all blending together for him, but he still remembered that they closed at eleven. Something that Makoto of all people certainly knew, with how much of his time he spent browsing there.

“The music store closed over an hour ago.” Akihiko took a step forward, and Makoto backed away from him. His anger had transformed into something closer to fear now, and that only amplified his worry. It was difficult to notice, and Akihiko wasn’t entirely sure that it wasn’t just his mind playing tricks on him again, but he looked scared. His eyes were widened, barely managing to look in Akihiko’s general direction, and his fist was shaking ever so slightly. Makoto Yuki looked scared, and something was horribly, horribly wrong. Was it something he had done? Lingering effects of the spell? Something else entirely? He had no idea, and it scared him. “You should sit down.” Akihiko tried to gesture towards one of the nearby benches, though with how worried he was, it came off as more of a vague wave. “You, uh… you don’t look good.” He definitely could have worded that better, though it at the very least made Makoto crack a small, almost invisible smile.

“You’re so nosy,” he mumbled, and it sounded more like a genuine complaint than the friendly tease Akihiko typically expected from him. “Fine. I guess I am a little lightheaded.” Which is exactly why I told you to stay home, idiot. Akihiko bit his tongue to prevent his annoyance from leaking out, and instead replaced it with happiness that Makoto was at the very least finally being honest with him. He walked over to the bench Akihiko had pointed at, sitting down with his typical god-awful posture, and held his head in his hands as Akihiko approached him.

“Do you need anything?” Makoto only rolled his eyes in response. Great. Akihiko suppressed his urge to punch him. “I can run back into the store and get you some painkillers if you don’t think you can make it back safely.” Makoto stared blankly at him for a few seconds—annoying, but at least he was finally looking at him now—until Akihiko sat down next to him. For reasons beyond his understanding that was enough to make Makoto’s eyes retreat back down to the ground below them, a hand reaching up to twirl his hair around his finger. They were a little close, now that Akihiko thought about it, his heart betraying him and skipping a beat in his chest, but he doubted that was something anyone except himself would have noticed or cared about. Still, he scooted back a few inches for Makoto’s sake. He wanted him to be comfortable above all else right now, and he wouldn’t have exactly been surprised if their closeness was making him nervous after, well, the situation that had occurred earlier. Makoto flashed him a quick glance as he moved away, and for a split second, Akihiko could have sworn he saw a sadness in his eyes. It was over as soon as he processed it, though, and Makoto’s eyes were back to the floor like clockwork.

“I’ve been shot, poisoned, stabbed, burned, and frozen in Tartarus all in the past three days,” Makoto spoke up after a few more seconds of agonizing silence. His tone had mostly returned to normal at the very least, with an impossible amount of sarcasm leaking through. “And you’re worried about me feeling light-headed?”

“Of course I am!” He was at least partially sure that Makoto was only doing this to get a reaction out of him, but still, he couldn’t help but defend himself. He had to try and beat it through Makoto’s thick skull that this was serious and that they shouldn’t even be out right now to begin with. Akihiko was throwing stones in glass houses here, and he knew that, but right now, Makoto’s health was the most important thing. “We don’t know what side effects that spell could have had, you know. We healed all of those things instantly. We can’t heal this.” God, how much simpler this all would have been if a simple Charmdi would have cured him. No awkward physical affection, no jumping through loopholes to calm frenzied Makoto down, no… feelings that complicated everything to hell and back, no secretly wishing in the back of his mind that it was all partially real. Makoto would have just been healed, maybe with a small headache or other minuscule injury, and that would have been it. It would have been so much easier than having to deal with the thousand different feelings constantly crashing into him like a tsunami, but, strangely enough, a part of Akihiko felt grateful for the experience. He knew it would come back to bite him in the ass later, and that a few days from now he’d want to punch himself for ever thinking of this as a good thing, but for now, there was a decent part of him that was reveling in the small amount of good that had come out of this. The warmth he felt inside, finally being able to put a name to the reason he always felt so strange around Makoto, and, hell, even being able to have this outing right now despite the fact that they probably shouldn’t have left the dorms in the first place. It wasn’t all negative, he realized, and that was enough to make him crack a small smile.

“I’m fine. ‘S just a headache. You worry too much.” As always, Makoto’s words broke Akihiko out of his self-reflective dream state. Oh, great, now it was a full-on headache. How long until he was gripping his head in pain again? Akihiko didn’t want to find out. He was going to get Makoto’s stubborn ass home if it was the last thing he did. He was appreciating this outing far more than he supposed he should have been, but he couldn’t exactly enjoy himself when the threat of Makoto passing out or falling seriously ill was looming over him.

“Let’s go back, then. You need to take a painkiller and go straight to bed. We already got what we came here for.” Akihiko went to stand up, ready to drag Makoto along with him if he had to, before he felt a soft, slightly shaking hand on his lap. His eyes snapped back to where Makoto was sitting and, surprisingly enough, he was actually looking up at him. He was unusually nervous-looking, bouncing his legs as his nails dug gently into Akihiko’s thigh. His hand was gone within seconds, but the warmth still lingered.

“Don’t— Not yet,” he managed, voice quiet and breathy. Just when he had started to think Makoto was going back to normal, he reverted back to acting unusually nervous. Akihiko repressed a sigh; what was up with him? “Just a little longer.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he finished, though he at least kept eye-contact this time. Akihiko hated seeing him like this, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it truly was something he had done to make Makoto feel this way.

“We really need to get back to the dorms,” he urged, though the near puppy-dog eyes Makoto was giving him didn’t do much to help his faltering resolve.

“I know.” Makoto looked away, though his expression switched to something ever so slightly happier. Akihiko couldn’t for the life of him figure out why, of course, just that there was a small, almost somber smile curling on his lips. “Just don’t wanna go home yet.” Akihiko really thought he would have had better reasoning than ‘don’t wanna,’ but, as he expected, he still couldn’t find it in him to say no. His heart and brain were at odds with each other once again, and though he logically knew they needed to get back to the dorms so Makoto could recover, he couldn’t bring himself to look him in the sweet, soft, pale gray eyes and tell him that they were leaving. He’d already made the stupid decision of going out here in the first place, after all, so what was a few more minutes? Besides, there was a part of Akihiko that didn’t fully want to leave either. In fact, he was enjoying this more than he felt he should. Being alone with Makoto like this, without any mission to worry about or loud bickering between the team to distract them was almost freeing in a way. It wasn’t often that they got a moment like this to themselves, with both the constantly increasing population of the dorms and the fact that Makoto generally preferred to keep to himself, but after tonight, Akihiko wasn’t sure how he’d gone so long without it.

“Fine,” he forced out before his brain could catch up to his heart, which may or may not have been traitorously thrumming in his chest. He knew this was a bad idea, knew that he’d end up regretting it as soon as Makoto got another headache or something worse, but right now, his brain wasn’t functioning properly enough to allow him to follow the logical route of things. “Just a few minutes, though. You really should get some rest. And the longer we stay here, the more worried Mitsuru is going to get.” Mitsuru. Akihiko had all but forgotten about her until he’d said something, but out of curiosity, he pulled out his phone to check his missed messages. Not that he was going to respond to them, of course, but it was nice to be able to judge how much shit he was going to be in upon returning to the dorm. Or maybe it would just result in building dread. Either way, he decided to check them.

> This is wildly irresponsible of you, Akihiko. He’s still recovering, and you shouldn’t be out this late at night anyway.

Strangely, that was the only unread message he had from Mitsuru. The rest seemed to be coming from Kotone, weirdly enough.

> HIIII HOW R U 2 DOING???

> R U GUYZ ALONE :000

> pls tell me hes told u alrdy i cant takE ths anymorw hes pinbing so haed it hurts even yukaris noticed ROFL

> CMON YOU ACNT LEAVW ME HANGING LIKE THIS SNEPAI :((((

> also can you brinh me strawberery pocky koro ate minw :'(

> waut can dogs eat candy???????

> uh oj

…

Yep, that checked out. As per usual, he understood absolutely none of that. The more he tried to decipher whatever the hell any of that was supposed to mean, the more confused he got. Kotone was only one year younger than him, yet he felt like an old man when trying to read her texts.

“Hey, you know how to, uh, translate Kotone, right? She—” Akihiko looked back over to Makoto, but lost his train of thought almost immediately. Makoto was staring up at the growing moon above them, unmoving and uncannily focused. He looked completely lost in thought, to the point Akihiko wasn’t sure he had even heard him. He watched for a few seconds, staying silent and simply taking in the sight in front of him. Makoto looked… pretty under the moonlight like this, he realized. He hadn’t exactly paid attention to it before, with the majority of the time the two of them were together under the moonlight being situations where he didn’t really have time to waste staring, but now that he had the opportunity, he was amazed by just how pretty he was like this. No, pretty wasn’t the right word for it. Beautiful? Ethereal? Something like that. Akihiko had never been the best at putting words to things like this, but he knew that pretty wasn’t enough to describe the way Makoto looked right now.

“Did you mean it?” Makoto asked, his eyes still unmoving from the moon. Akihiko took a few seconds to even process what he had said, and even longer to start trying to figure out what it meant. Did he mean what? What he’d said about Kotone? Something earlier? He wasn’t sure, but judging by Makoto’s expression, he must have been serious about it. He was extremely focused, his eyes narrowed as he continued to stare endlessly at the moon, and his mouth wore an almost pained expression. Akihiko didn’t like where this was going, but he couldn’t just leave Makoto like this. He was normal just a few minutes ago, so what the hell happened? Was he feeling more side-effects from being hit with a spell for so long? He still had no clue, and it made him unimaginably frustrated.

“What are you talking about?” He asked cautiously. He couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he was walking directly into a trap, but what else could he do? Just let Makoto speak in stupidly vague terms until he finally managed to piece this together? Let him look nervous and scared of all things? He had to push ahead and get to the bottom of this, as much as his mind was nagging at him that he was going to regret it. Makoto continued staring for a few seconds after Akihiko spoke, and he assumed that his words had once again gone in one ear and out the other, until suddenly, Makoto’s head snapped down and met Akihiko’s gaze. The moonlight reflected off of his eyes, making the sweet pale gray look something closer to a more common blue for a split second. Akihiko’s breath hitched in his throat, nervousness overtaking him as he stared helplessly into Makoto’s eyes for what felt like an eternity. It wasn’t calming like it usually was. Not that he really had much opportunity to stare like this anyway, but when he did, it was comforting. Safe, even. This was a different beast entirely. Makoto looked about ready to interrogate him, slowly closing the distance Akihiko had created between the two of them, and a bit too late, an idea settled itself in Akihiko’s mind.

This was about his confession, wasn’t it?

It had to be. What else could Makoto suddenly be so upset about? How had Akihiko not realized it sooner? He was finally about to pay retribution for his actions, and, while he deserved it, his heart still stung with each second Makoto continued to stare at him with that accusatory look in his eyes. Makoto could cut their ties together, refuse to work together with him, refuse to speak to him all he wanted; Akihiko just wished he’d stop giving him that damn stare. Obviously the thought of any of those things made him feel like he was physically going to throw up, but at least he could put off the consequences of those things until later. He couldn’t put off this, couldn’t put off the horrible lump building in his throat, couldn’t put off the worst-case scenarios building in his mind, telling him that he’d just completely fucked over his relationship with the entire team over something entirely rooted in selfishness.

“Earlier. You said you loved me.” Makoto finally, finally spoke up, breaking his deathly gaze momentarily before refocusing with somehow even more intensity. His tone was deadly serious, and, quite honestly, it frightened him a bit. Akihiko didn't blame him in the slightest, but seeing so much emotion come out of someone that rarely seemed to have any was a new kind of terrifying that Akihiko had never experienced before. He tried to catch his breath, tried desperately to process all of the information in front of him without melting into the floor, but before he could even fully process what this would mean going forward and how the hell he was supposed to explain himself, Makoto continued, looking back down at the ground again. “I was kind of coming back into it at that point, I think. I was still sort of out of it, but things started to feel real. I dunno, it's hard to explain.”

“Makoto—” Akihiko tried to say something, anything, but everything he wanted to say balled up into a giant incomprehensible ball in his mind.

“I’m not done.” Makoto unceremoniously brushed him off, but there was an odd sense of kindness (?) in his voice. Was there? God, Akihiko didn’t know. He was too focused on trying to remember how to breathe. “But you said I think. ‘ I think I love you too.’ And you didn’t sound as fake about it, either. Because you’re a terrible liar, by the way.” Akihiko dug his nails into the back of his hand, regretting every single one of his actions from earlier. Giving into Makoto’s delusions, letting his feelings overtake him, confessing something like that under the guise that it wouldn’t be a big deal and that he wouldn’t remember it upon waking up from his spell. Makoto was more emotionally intelligent than him, as much as he didn’t show it at times. Akihiko should have known this was over the second Makoto began to show signs of remembering things he had said. But he hadn’t, and now they were here. His heart pounding with guilt, his nails leaving marks on the back of his hand. He was so stupid. “I just wanna know. Please.” That last part came off as something of a beg, as if this was eating away at him just as much as it was Akihiko. He doubted it was, but if that were somehow the case, he only felt more guilty for doing what he had.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled almost instantly, though his voice was so low and full of shame that he wasn’t sure Makoto had even heard him. It wasn’t a direct answer to his question, but Akihiko assumed it was implied. He scooted away and recreated the distance between them, but for his own comfort this time. He couldn’t stand having Makoto so close to him right now, and he was pretty sure that Makoto didn’t want it either. He doubted he’d ever be able to get this close to him again, though he wasn’t really thinking about that in the moment. He was more focused on getting away because having Makoto less than an arm’s length away from him felt like he was being strangled from the inside. “I didn’t— I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you.” It didn’t fully encompass everything Akihiko wanted to say, but it was at the very least comprehensible. He was surprised that he was able to spit out anything at all, given the current state of his body and mind. Makoto didn’t say anything for a while, though Akihiko didn’t mind this time. He already knew about what he was going to say, and the longer he went without saying it, the longer Akihiko could pretend that everything was going to be fine.

“So you meant it, then?” His voice was barely above a whisper, shaking slightly as he looked back over to Akihiko for confirmation. He forced a slight nod, not wanting to say anything more than he absolutely had to. Akihiko waited for the moment of truth, waited for Makoto to say in his own Makoto-like way that Akihiko had taken advantage of him and was irresponsible and gross and whatever other adjectives he felt like throwing in there. Waited for the feeling of guilt and shame settling in his chest to overtake him completely, waited for Makoto to stand up and leave him here alone because he didn’t feel comfortable even walking with him anymore.

He waited, but oddly enough, that time never came. A minute passed in silence, neither of them daring to speak up as each second passed like a century, but his fears never came true.

Instead, Makoto smiled. Big, bright, and full of love. It almost didn’t look like Makoto at all, with how unusually expressive it was. For a brief moment, Akihiko wondered if he was charmed again. Because there was no way in hell Makoto was smiling on his own volition right now, and certainly not like that. He couldn’t be. He had to be charmed again, had to have that damn spell take over his mind again.

“Thank fuck.” But he kept smiling, kept looking at him with so much damn love in his eyes that it made Akihiko almost feel sick to his stomach. It was so overwhelming, in fact, that it took Akihiko a full thirty seconds to even begin to process Makoto’s statement.

Thank? Why the hell would Makoto be thanking him for anything right now? For a few seconds he physically couldn’t figure it out. This had to be some sort of misunderstanding, had to be the charm spell lingering in his brain, had to be some elaborate prank. But then, all too late, the obvious thought hit him.

He didn’t mean…?

“Wh— Huh?” Akihiko babbled out, face burning bright. He wanted to say quite literally anything other than that, but his mind was running rampant with way too many thoughts to get anything else out of his mouth coherently. “What– what does that mean?” Did Makoto really… like him like that? Love him like that? God, he could hardly even think about it without feeling all mushy inside. Was this even happening? Had the real Makoto knocked him out after waking up from his spell and this was some sort of idealized dream? He couldn’t believe that this was really happening, couldn’t believe that this wasn’t all backfiring horribly, but that damn smile anchored him back to reality. He wasn’t sure how, but it felt real in a way that his charmed smile didn’t. Akihiko wasn’t even going to try to put it into words, either. He just knew, and that was enough. Even when Makoto’s gaze shifted back to the moon, a faint pink tint on his face that Akihiko only noticed because his attention was focused entirely on Makoto, he knew.

Thank fuck.

“Everything was so easy before you came along,” Makoto mumbled as he stared at the moon above him, very much still not answering Akihiko’s burning question. He was pretty sure he already had his answer, but, still, he really wanted a definitive yes or no response. Still, he listened patiently. This was technically Akihiko’s doing, after all, so the least he could do was wait for Makoto to be ready to answer him.

“What do you mean?” He was starting to sound like a broken record here, but, then again, Makoto was being unnecessarily vague. It wasn’t fair for him to play with his heart like that, goddamnit! “Are you talking about everything with SEES? Or, uh, me specifically?” Makoto gently shook his head.

“You.” Great. Akihiko wasn’t sure where this was going, but having Makoto essentially accept his confession and then immediately say that his life was easier without him couldn’t have possibly been a good sign. “I’ve never… felt like this before. I’ve always been able to control my emotions. And people tell me I look deadpan or whatever, but I don’t care. ‘S easier that way. But you—” He cut himself off, looking down from the sky back to Akihiko. They made eye contact for a brief second, before Makoto’s gaze retreated down to the bench. He looked unusually shy, and Akihiko would be lying if he said he didn’t think it was cute. “I can’t control myself around you. I hate it.” He spoke with an almost impossible mixture of annoyance and affection, completely dropping his usually monotone speech as he frowned down at the bench. Makoto’s eyes focused intently on the worn metal, as if looking anywhere else would cause him to melt. “You make me feel things I shouldn’t. Can’t hide it well, either. It’s annoying.” His frown morphed into a somber smile, though his eyes were still locked with the bench. Akihiko’s heart just about did a backflip in his chest as he stared, trying his best to process the massive bombshell of information that had just been dropped on him.

If he was interpreting this correctly, Makoto felt the same way. Which was a miracle in and of itself, but that wasn’t all. He’d apparently felt so damn strongly about Akihiko that it had broken through his deadpan exterior. Was he really that oblivious to all of this? How long had this been going on for? A thousand questions were raised in his mind, but he did his best to quell all of them despite the bright, burning feeling in his chest.

“I-I didn’t, ah, know you felt that way.” He stumbled over his words, voice cracking momentarily, and if this were in any other situation, he may have felt embarrassed. But here, he didn’t exactly blame himself. He couldn’t find it in him to think of anything negative right now, actually. Not that this had apparently been going on for a while and Akihiko hadn’t noticed, not the amount of shit he was going to be in when he returned to the dorms because now they definitely weren’t going to be back anytime soon, not that this all could have been avoided if Akihiko had realized his own feelings just a little earlier. All of his negative thoughts were lost to the much larger, nicer, thought of holy shit, this is actually happening. Makoto liked him. Like that. And he wasn’t under a spell this time.

“Yeah. Duh.” Makoto finally looked back up at him, a bright smile curling on his lips and his eyes shimmering with affection. “Didn’t think you would. You’re not very good at that kinda stuff.” Wow. It didn’t sound like Makoto had fully meant that as an insult, but Akihiko still didn’t appreciate being called out like that.

“Wow, thanks,” he said with the best sarcastic tone he could muster. Akihiko hoped that it came across properly, but he was doubtful— he wasn’t the best at getting his tone across normally, and certainly not when his heart felt like it was about to explode into a thousand pieces. He assumed it did, though, because Makoto let out a small laugh. It was more of a nose exhale than anything else, but, embarrassingly enough, Akihiko still found his breath catching in his throat.

“Didn’t mean it in a bad way.” Makoto fiddled with the wire of his mp3 player, eyes once again flickering back and forth between Akihiko and everything else. It was relieving to know that Akihiko wasn’t the only one struggling to maintain eye contact right now, and he was secretly thankful for Makoto’s nervousness. He felt like he was going to explode into dust like a Shadow if he had to maintain eye contact any longer, with Makoto’s soft gray eyes that usually provided him with comfort instead feeling like knives being plunged into his chest. Knives that made his face warm and his heart skip a beat in his chest, but knives nonetheless. Akihiko took a deep breath to steady his nerves as Makoto continued. “That’s— That’s why I like you.” Akihiko made a strangled noise, choking on his own spit as those words repeated over and over again in his mind like a mantra. It shouldn’t have been surprising to hear, given the fact that Makoto had all but directly confessed to him at this point, but that didn’t make it any easier on his heart. He listened intently, mind drawing a blank as to how Makoto interpreted Akihiko’s admittedly sub-par social skills as a good thing. “‘M not good at social stuff either. At least that’s what people tell me, anyway.”

“Really?” Akihiko raised an eyebrow. He’d always assumed Makoto was much better at those sorts of things than he was, with the way he effortlessly seemed to make friends so soon after transferring to Iwatodai. “I thought you just preferred to be alone. Didn’t know it was something you struggled with too.” Makoto shrugged, continuing to twirl the wire of his headphones around his finger.

“It’s both, I think.” Fair enough. “I don’t like talking to most people. They’re loud, ask me too many things, tell me I look bored all the time. It’s not their fault, I guess, but—” He looked up once again, maintaining eye contact despite a somewhat obvious struggle to do so. His smile had faded into something more akin to his natural neutral expression, but somehow, Akihiko could tell that he was still happy. He didn’t understand why Makoto was sometimes much easier for him to read than other people, especially with how vague and expressionless he tended to be at times, and he was pretty sure he never would, but that wasn’t something he was going to complain about. It was nice to feel complete security in something for once, his body flooding with a comforting warmth that made him feel like everything was going to be okay. “You’re not like that. You’re quiet. Easy to talk to. I dunno. Just… nice to be around, I guess.” Akihiko smiled shyly, taking the compliment to heart. Nice to be around. That wasn’t one he heard often. People tended to place him more on the annoying, difficult to talk to side of the spectrum, at least from what he could gather, so to hear Makoto describe him in such a way made him smile like a complete dumbass. Granted, he was pretty sure his happiness was more a matter of who the compliment was coming from instead of what it was about, but he smiled regardless.

“I could say the same about you.” Makoto’s ears perked up subtly, almost like an excited cat. “I meant what I said earlier, about you being special.” Now his intrigue was much less subtle, with his eyes sparkling with pure affection and interest as he stared directly into his eyes. Akihiko swallowed, trying his best to maintain eye contact despite the fluttery feelings in his chest. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but the words were mixing together in his head as he stared deeper and deeper into the soft pale gray of Makoto’s eyes. He shook his head and took a deep breath, steadying his nerves significantly. This entire situation was a damn mess, after all; it didn’t matter if he couldn’t perfectly articulate his thoughts. “I still can’t describe it properly, but there’s just something about you that keeps drawing me in. I used to attribute it to you being a Wildcard, but I always knew that was a lie. Because Kotone— I mean, she’s great and all, but I’ve never—” Deep breath. This is Makoto you’re talking to. Just take your time. He’s not going to judge you. “I’ve never felt this way about her.”

“Felt what way, exactly?” Makoto’s eyes shimmered with mischievous challenge, though his voice didn’t match that in the slightest. He was quiet and nervous, as if he somehow expected an answer other than the one that both of them knew in their hearts.

“I think you already know,” he teased, because the thought of saying it out loud again made him feel like he was going to implode. Akihiko looked away from Makoto’s gaze for his own sanity, which proved to be easier said than done. It was like looking away from a double rainbow or a similar natural beauty, though if he stared any longer, Akihiko feared he would lose his ability to think coherently.

“I do. Just wanna hear you say it again. While I’m actually me this time.” As it turned out, Akihiko’s resolve when it came to Makoto was paper-thin. He met Makoto’s gaze again within seconds, and was amazed to find that he looked even more full of love now than before. He was still nervous, more-so than Akihiko had ever seen him before, but above that was a sickening sweetness in his expression. From the affection in his eyes to the pink tint on his face to the shy, eager smile curling on his lips, he was full of so much love and care that Akihiko briefly wondered if he was dreaming. He had to be, he thought to himself as he slowly blinked to take in the sight in front of him. A Shadow had finally bested him, and this was what heaven looked like. That’s what he was inclined to believe, but everything felt too damn real to be a dream. The pounding in his chest, the warmth in his face, the rapid breaths he was taking just to keep himself stable— it was all too real. Somehow, all of this was real, and as unbelievable as it was, it was the truth.

“I love you.” His voice was so quiet that if the midnight atmosphere wasn’t silent around them it would have been lost, but he said it. His voice shook wildly as he spoke, but he said it. He could hardly look Makoto in the eyes without his entire body feeling as though it was going to burst into flames, but he said it. Akihiko had expected those words to feel entirely different coming out of his mouth now than they had earlier, but the contrast was like night and day. He wasn’t confused anymore. Wasn't afraid anymore. His body was still burning just as it had before, but it wasn’t from shame this time. It was from love, and even though it still felt horribly embarrassing to admit to himself, let alone say aloud, it was the truth, and it felt a hell of a lot better than last time.

“I love you too. Sorry it took so long to tell you.” Makoto said finally, a bright, glowing gracing his face. His voice wasn’t as quiet as Akihiko expected him to be, sounding slightly louder than normal as if he was announcing his love to the world. It almost made Akihiko feel embarrassed for his own quiet tone, but he didn’t allow himself to dwell on something so small. Instead, he focused on the bigger picture. The bigger picture that Makoto had just told him he loved him. Akihiko had to take a moment to process it, letting the words fully settle in his mind. Makoto loved him. Makoto loved him. No matter how many times he repeated it in his mind, Akihiko still couldn’t quite believe it. Not that he didn’t trust Makoto, of course—with the sheer amount of love and affection reflected on his face, it was impossible to believe he was speaking anything but the whole truth—but it was hard to believe this was all happening tonight. In the span of a few hours he’d gone from still having no idea why he felt so drawn to Makoto to sitting next to him and exchanging confessions. It was all moving impossibly fast, and yet, Akihiko didn’t mind in the slightest. And with the way Makoto was looking at him, love so prevalent in his eyes and smile that it hurt his heart to look at, he doubted that he minded either. It was perfect, almost to a fault. With the way his life had been progressing thus far, Akihiko almost wanted to believe that there was some massive, looming consequence to all of this. That this would all end up backfiring horribly for him, or, worse, for Makoto. But even if that were the case, Akihiko couldn’t bring himself to focus on that. Perhaps it was selfish of him, a nagging thought in the back of his mind taunted him, but, frankly, he didn’t care. He was going to enjoy this, free from worry or doubt.

“I’ve been talking too much,” Makoto mumbled suddenly, his quiet voice nearly lost against the sound of Akihiko’s heartbeat pounding in his ears. It drew Akihiko out of his thoughts, and back where his attention truly needed to be.

“Yeah,” he agreed with a soft chuckle. While Makoto had been talking more than he usually did, he certainly didn’t agree with the idea that it was ‘too much.’ Makoto was quiet by nature, making his voice a somewhat rare thing to even hear, but there was something about it that was immensely soothing to listen to. Again, Akihiko wasn’t sure if it was a result of his voice itself or purely the person it was coming from, but regardless, he wished he got to hear it more often. “I don’t know if I’ve ever heard you talk this much before tonight. It’s not like I mind it, though.” Makoto mumbled something inaudible, eyes flickering between Akihiko and the bench for what felt like the thousandth time, before he abruptly closed the small distance between them by resting his head against Akihiko’s shoulder. Akihiko didn’t have the slightest idea how to react, his eyes widening as Makoto affectionately nuzzled himself against his shoulder. His heartbeat was in his ears, though he still raised a shaky hand to Makoto’s hair. He could at least pretend for Makoto that he wasn’t nervous beyond belief, after all. He’d already made enough of a fool of himself tonight, and he didn’t intend on letting it go on any longer. “Your turn,” Makoto mumbled, breath warm against his neck.

“To talk?” Akihiko threaded his hand through Makoto’s silky, apparently cobalt colored hair. He nodded as best as he could while unmoving from Akihiko’s neck, and he awkwardly cleared his throat. Talk, huh? Where could he even start? There was so much he wanted to ask, say, and do that it felt impossible to pick a starting point. His mind raced through all of the different possibilities, ranging from huge questions and confessions to smaller ones, and it didn’t take nearly as long as he was expecting to decide what to say. It was something he’d been putting off actually asking, for the sake of plausible deniability. He was almost certain that he already had his answer, but the worry that his intuition could have been wrong felt like a knife to the chest. “What—” He took a deep breath in and out, letting the softness of Makoto’s hair settle his nerves. “What is this? What are we?”

“No fair,” Makoto mumbled even quieter this time, very much so not answering his question in the slightest. Again. “I told you to talk, not ask me questions. That just means more talking for me.” Akihiko sighed, though he couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. This was the Makoto he was used to: annoying in the best way possible.

“Okay, well maybe if you didn’t want to talk you shouldn’t have started this,” Akihiko gestured vaguely with his free hand, “And left me with a billion questions.”

“Or maybe you shouldn’t have been a wimp that could only confess because you thought I wouldn’t remember it.” Ouch. He wasn’t completely wrong, per say, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Akihiko personally would have placed himself more on the spectrum of impulsive idiot than coward, but, hey, it wound up working in his favor regardless. “You have no idea what you put me through, by the way. I woke up in your bed with no memories feeling like someone stabbed me through the head, and then I started having vivid flashes of you playing with my hair and saying that you love me. I thought I was gonna die.” Akihiko hadn’t really taken the time to consider how shocking that must have been for him, being too focused on the whole ‘clutching his head and screaming in pain’ thing to think about it. He also really, really wished that was what Makoto was also focused on, because he still hadn’t fully recovered and there was no telling what other side effects he was going to have, but he’d all but given up on that front. It was pathetic that he couldn’t even wrangle his underclassman into caring about his own well-being, but, then again, getting Makoto to care about anything sometimes proved to be a challenge in and of itself.

“Would you rather have woken up like that, or passed out in front of the school gate?” Makoto cocked his head in thought, like he was genuinely grappling with an answer, and Akihiko cut him off before he could respond. “Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.” Makoto looked just ready to start bickering with him again, tilting his head up to give him an endearingly annoyed look, before yawning and leaning back against Akihiko’s neck.

“Point is that it was a lot.” He squeezed his eyes shut and nuzzled himself against Akihiko once again. He stared for a bit longer than he probably should have, taking in the serene sight next to him. He couldn’t help it—it was rare to see Makoto so comfortable and at peace. “And your bed is horrible, by the way. Feels like rocks.” …Nevermind. Akihiko exhaled with annoyance; was his bed really that uncomfortable to other people? He’d partially been attributing it to Shinji being picky, but now that he had a second person complaining about it, he started to wonder if it truly was that unbearable. Maybe he should get a new mattress.

“Would you believe that you’re not the first person to say that?” Makoto’s eyes fluttered open upon hearing that, his lips curling downwards into a soft, though somehow mischievous, frown.

“How many people have you had in your bed?” Akihiko was certain that the sigh he let out could have been heard from across Port Island. He couldn’t quite tell how much of Makoto’s question was genuine and how much of it was for the sake of teasing and getting him riled up, though either way, he guessed it didn’t matter all that much.

“Only you and Shinji. And Koromaru, I guess.” His ears perked up upon hearing Shinji’s name, looking up at Akihiko with both intrigue and doubt. Akihiko already had a suspicion of what he was going to say, and he didn’t like it.

“And you’re sure you two aren’t—”

“Yes! I mean, no! I mean—“ Deep breath. He took a glance over at Makoto, who was very obviously holding back laughter, and tried his very hardest not to explode from annoyance. It was endeared annoyance, because only Makoto could manage to get him riled up over something this unimaginably stupid, but it was annoyance nonetheless. Despite that, he couldn’t help cracking a small smile. “He’s just a friend. Well, sort of. It’s complicated.” He wasn’t exactly helping his case with that admission, but referring to Shinji as ‘just a friend’ felt like undermining everything they had gone through together. Thankfully, and somewhat to Akihiko’s surprise, Makoto didn’t start questioning him again. He mumbled something in acknowledgement, yawned, and rested himself further against Akihiko’s neck. There was something off about his facial expression that Akihiko couldn’t quite place, though. He was still smiling, though it had transformed into something more natural as compared to his bright smile than before, but something felt different, somehow, and not in a good way. Even as slight as it was, it was a stark contrast to the rest of the (overwhelming, to a point) affectionate atmosphere. “You’re not… jealous, are you?” Akihiko spat out before his brain could catch up to him with the fact that, no, Makoto Yuki wasn’t the type of person to get jealous of anyone, let alone someone he’d met a total of twice and had hardly even interacted with. He tried to make his question tonally ambiguous, giving him an out if (when) Makoto laughed in his face for asking him something like that, but as per usual, Akihiko doubted it came across as he intended it to.

“I think I might’ve been, at some point.” Makoto tilted his head upwards and away from Akihiko, who in turn made a choked out sputtering noise.

“Really?” He had to take a second to process that, because he couldn’t quite believe it at first. Makoto, jealous. Of Shinjiro. Because of him. Was this even the truth? Was that charm spell still messing with his memories? Because there was no way in hell Makoto just admitted to being jealous of anyone , let alone Shinjiro Aragaki.

“I told you, you make me feel things I shouldn’t.” He looked up at him with a rare look of vulnerability, a lingering embarrassment clear in his eyes. It was still hard for Akihiko to believe that this was really the way Makoto had felt, though with the shock of everything else that had happened in the span of the last hour, he wasn’t as surprised as he would have been in any other situation. Makoto was jealous of Shinjiro. Because of Akihiko. Sure. Nothing could shock him at this point.

“I don’t know. Maybe I was just tired or something.” Makoto rubbed at his eyes with a small yawn, leaning himself back against Akihiko as if he truly was about to fall asleep. Akihiko made a mental note to grill him about his sleeping habits later, considering he had taken a near-five hour nap earlier and he was still tired somehow, but considering they were both loitering at Paulownia at one in the morning, he figured he would be throwing stones in glass houses by pointing it out now. “But I didn’t like him calling you Aki. Made me feel… bad.” He yawned once again, grabbing a strand of his hair and twirling it around his finger nervously. So he had overheard Shinjiro call him that, and remembered it too. Admittedly, Akihiko was a bit disappointed that charmed Makoto was simply restating what he’d already heard rather than coming up with the nickname by himself, though, really, that was nothing more than a nitpick. He now had all the opportunities in the world to hear Makoto call him that genuinely, after all. It did raise a question of how much of charmed Makoto’s words were based in some form of reality, but Akihiko set the thought aside for now. His heart and mind were still in shock from, well, everything, and he didn’t have the mental capacity to consider anything like that right now.

“Bad how, exactly?” He ran a finger through Makoto’s stupidly soft hair once again, fighting back his growing urge to just lean in and press a soft kiss against his forehead.

“Dunno. Don’t wanna think about it. Don’t care, really.” Of course— more of the Makoto he was used to. It was nice to hear him so caring and vulnerable for once, but it was equally relieving to hear him go back to his normal personality. “But you’re making me talk again. You were supposed to be the one talking.” Akihiko took a deep breath. He supposed he should take the weight off Makoto’s back for a bit, especially considering how much he’d been speaking compared to usual. Still, he had so many things he wanted to say and so many unanswered questions that it felt impossible to pick a starting point. Should he address the elephant in the room, or talk about something with lower stakes? Talk about himself, or try to coax more information from Makoto without him noticing? Should he start talking at all, or focus his energy on replying to Kotone, who upon closer inspection had messaged him thirty seven times in the past ten or so minutes? Goddamnit, talking to Makoto was supposed to be easy! Why was he overthinking this so much? With as many doubts he still had as to what exactly this was and what they were, it was clear that Makoto liked him. Loved him. And one social misstep wasn’t going to change that.

“I— um— okay?” Deep breaths. He was pretty sure Makoto was going to kill him if he asked another question, so he had to think of something to talk about by himself. But what? His mind was still drawing a blank as he carded a gentle hand through deep blue hair, and with each passing second of silence, he grew more and more worried that Makoto was going to fall asleep against him. Which Akihiko wouldn’t have actually minded, had he the resolve to actually wake him up rather than just carrying him back to the dorm and raising even more questions from his teammates. “I, uh, like your hair?” He spat out after failing to come up with anything more substantial, sounding completely unsure of himself as Makoto’s eyes shot open with intrigue. He did like Makoto’s hair, to the point that the word ‘like’ didn’t fully encompass his feelings towards it, but it felt embarrassing to admit out loud. He knew that he had no reason to feel that way, knowing what he did now, but that didn’t stop his brain from mocking him. “It’s very soft. Nice color too. Though, I really don’t know how you can see through those bangs.” Makoto smiled against his shoulder, the feeling of his body against Akihiko’s suddenly getting a lot warmer as he tried to hide the growing pink tint on his face.

“You get used to it.” Akihiko somehow doubted that, but debating Makoto on his own eyesight didn’t seem like the best use of his time. “Used to be a lot worse when it was longer. Couldn’t see shit. Kotone always made fun of me.” Longer, hair huh? It was something Akihiko had never thought about before, but now that he considered it, it would be strangely fitting for him. Cute, even. He briefly wondered why Makoto had cut it in the first place, though he assumed the fact that his bangs had somehow been even more difficult to see through had something to do with it.

“When it was longer?” Akihiko asked curiously, and Makoto’s face lit up with discomfort, as if he’d just said something he wasn’t supposed to. “I thought you’ve always had short hair. Then again, I guess it's not something you talk about very often.” Makoto quickly looked away from him, staring down at the ground with a neutral expression that somehow encompassed more embarrassment than the rare occasion where he made no attempt to hide it.

“I’ve said too much,” he mumbled, so quiet that Akihiko wondered if he was even meant to hear it, and he couldn’t help the resulting giggle that left his mouth.

“I think you’d look cute with longer hair.” The sentence left his mouth naturally, as if it was something he’d been intending to say for years, and for a solid five seconds, Akihiko saw nothing wrong with it. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush getting to his head, maybe it was him getting a little too comfortable expressing his true thoughts to Makoto, or maybe that damned charm spell had come back to haunt him. Either way, it wasn’t until he saw Makoto’s bright red face, haphazardly covered by his hands as he snuck a shocked glance at Akihiko, that the panic set in. “I mean— Not that you aren’t already cute!” Nope, that was worse. Akihiko tried to take a deep breath, but wound up only choking on his spit as he further backtracked. “I didn’t mean that! I mean I did, but only if you wanted me to becauseIdon’tknowwhatthisisandIdon’tknowyourboundariesyetand—”

“Stop talking,” Makoto cut him off after a few seconds of nearly incoherent rambling, though his demand somehow sounded even more awkward and nervous than Akihiko’s own tangent. His face was burning scarlet now, hidden even worse than before, and his voice was trembling in a way that seemed completely uncharacteristic for him.

“R-Right.” Akihiko nervously scratched the back of his neck, trying not to let the piercing embarrassment and myriad of other emotions get to him. That was almost impossible, though, with the way Makoto kept sneaking glances at him in a way that lacked any and all subtlety. He was so… pretty when he was embarrassed like this, for lack of a better word. He supposed cute may have been more fitting, but he was done with that word for the day, thank you very much. The point was that Makoto was damn beautiful, and seeing him flustered like this did impossible things to his heart. It was mortifying that something so insignificant could make Akihiko feel like he had been hit with a particularly devastating one of Junpei’s fire spells, but, really, everything about this was mortifying. Makoto had a way of sneaking his way into his heart and making a home there, and this was just another instance of that. Maybe Makoto was the one that had him charmed after all.

“Iwannabeyourboyfriend.” Makoto let out a jumble of words, spoken so quietly and frantically that Akihiko couldn’t even begin to decipher what his intended meaning was. “Nevermind,” he followed himself up before Akihiko could even ask him to repeat himself, finally ditching his facade of ‘sneaked’ glances and looking up at him for real. His soft gray eyes were filled with a cocktail of love and doubt, and for whatever reason, Akihiko couldn’t bring himself to look away. It was clear that Makoto was hiding something, the words on the tip of his tongue begging to be let out, but something was preventing him from being honest. It wasn’t entirely unexpected, with how reserved Makoto normally tended to be, though with how talkative he’d been tonight, Akihiko had incorrectly assumed he’d be able to speak whatever was on his mind.

“C’mon, you can tell me,” he urged, though he retroactively realized he sounded more like a parent trying to get their child to confess to something rather than… whatever this was. What was this? What were they? Makoto had dodged the question when he’d first asked, and Akihiko was starting to worry that it was intentional. He shook his head— he didn’t have time to worry about that right now. “Is something the matter? Are you starting to feel sick again?” Makoto shook his head as best as he could with it still resting on Akihiko’s shoulder, though he quickly separated himself and stood up.

“It’s nothing.” Makoto brushed the dust off of his uniform and ran a finger through his hair to fix the damage Akihiko had done. Akihiko raised an eyebrow and silently mourned the loss of Makoto’s warmth against his neck, but didn’t say anything. Maybe he just needed to stretch his legs? Maybe the closeness was starting to mess with his heart like it was doing for Akihiko? Still, something didn’t seem quite right. It was pure intuition, which Akihiko had learned time and time again was faulty at best, but there was still something off to him. “It’s late. Let’s go back.” Go back? Seriously? After he’d just finished begging to stay here? A part of him wanted to say finally, thank god, maybe Mitsuru won't kill us, but a much larger part of him was completely overtaken with suspicion and worry. Was he really that embarrassed by whatever he'd said? Or was he starting to feel the side-effects of the spell again but was too prideful to admit it? Whatever it was, Akihiko didn’t like it.

“What’s wrong?” He repeated, and Makoto looked at him like he’d just punched him in the gut.

“Nothing’s wrong. Tired. Let’s go home.” He grabbed his shopping bag suspiciously quickly, as if trying to get Akihiko to leave with him before he had time to protest, though in his haste, the items spilled out to the sidewalk below them. Makoto merely stared at them for a moment, expression lingering somewhere between neutral and frustrated, before leaning down to pick up the box of hair dye and strawberry Pocky. Strawberry Pocky, that’s what it was. Interesting. Where had he heard that before?

“Is that for Kotone?” Akihiko held out the disgarded plastic bag for Makoto to put his things back into, who gave a shocked half-smile in response.

“Yeah.” He pulled himself up with Akihiko’s spare hand and put the Pocky and hair dye back in the bag, glancing up at him briefly before his gaze expectedly retreated back to the ground. “I… owe her something.” Again, it was only pure intuition, but something felt off about Makoto’s response. Like there was something more behind his answer that he was hiding. Akihiko shook the thought away— he was probably just overthinking things again. If he listened to himself every time he had an intuition that something was off, he'd never get anything done. “How’d you know?”

“Well, you don’t really seem like the type of person to eat sweet things like that.” Makoto shrugged, not giving anything in the way of confirming or disconfirming his assumption. Akihiko smiled at the thought that soon enough, he would get to learn all of those sorts of little intricacies about him. “Plus, Kotone texted me that she ran out. I think Koromaru ate them? How does that even happen? Should we take him to the vet?” While Akihiko was absorbed in retroactively analyzing the health and safety of their newest four-legged member, now starting to worry about Koromaru on top of Mitsuru stabbing him and Makoto with a rapier upon returning to the dorm, Makoto’s expression changed from a soft smile to one of worry and almost fear.

“She’s been texting you?” His voice was full of way more concern than the situation required, which made Akihiko raise an eyebrow. Was he jealous again? He really wished that his ability to read Makoto's thought and feelings would come back to him, because over these last few minutes, he'd almost completely lost it again.

“Yeah?” He questioned, and Makoto’s expression only grew more fearful. “Is there something wrong with that?” Akihiko pulled out his phone to check his seemingly infinite number of missed messages from Kotone, hoping it would help him understand why Makoto seemed so caught up in something so unimportant.

> okaj koros f ine!!!! ithink

> but where tf r u guyz?????

> OMG is it haopening ??????

> oris he beinj a coward again

> but srsly pls hurry bacj im worrief abt u two

> mako kinda has thr pain tolerancw of a three yeae old somwtimes LOL iwabna maek sur he rests

> but eh probably wonj listen tome XD u gota tell him

> gayboy only listenjs to you

> made fub ofg me for liekijg yujari liek hes not fifty tiemes worse

> bur liek if youee leike kissinj or osmehtumg gidluck!!!!!!

> hespining so hard i canj takeit anymore

> ily butb howhaveyounitfuiguredthusout yet

Oh.

He understood now.

“Oh.” Makoto leaned over his shoulder, reflecting Akihiko's thoughts exactly. His face was burning bright with what he assumed to be embarrassment, and Akihiko would be lying through his teeth if he said he didn’t feel the same. Had she always been this… upfront? Admittedly, his eyes tended to skim over her messages at times due to how illegible they sometimes tended to be, but there was no way he had missed this much. Was she just innocently teasing, or did she figure out how Makoto truly felt? Just how long had this been going on for, exactly? Akihiko felt the need to prove to himself that he couldn’t have possibly been that oblivious, so he scrolled up through a handful of old messages. There was no way she had been this direct before today, right? There was no possible way that he had missed something this obvious, right?

Right?

09.08.11

> im sick cough cough sneeze looeks liek i cnat walkkoro with u today

> nd sinse its makos turn next u2 should wak togethr winkwink

>Oh, I’m sorry! I hope you feel better. I’ll go talk to Makoto.

09.08.03

>ohwow haha chagalks habing a special doubledate deal wherj if twocoupels coem in tigwtyhr you egt free coffws woaj

> yu amfnmakoto shoildtotally cokme with me andyuakri sincjyoutwi are bsikally datijnganyway

>What?

>Nvm

09.07.23

>heyuhhhh whaj do u thnk of makotp

>?

>He’s cool. I wish I knew how to approach him better.

> Why, is something up?

>hehehehhehehehehhheerhrgehgrehgrehgehrehrehrh ;)

>Why are you like this

The messages went on and on, and the more he read, the more horrifyingly obvious her intentions became. Akihiko tried to take a deep breath to calm himself down, though it wound up as more of a sigh than anything else. Cool. Not only had his own stupidly obvious feelings taken him months to figure out, but Makoto’s true feelings had been sitting right under Kotone’s contact name for god knows how long. Akihiko knew that he would be unimaginably frustrated with himself once the heat of the moment wore off, but for now, he couldn’t help but laugh at himself. He’d been so worried about all of this, from the consequences of admitting his feelings to himself to being distressed about what Makoto would think, only for the truth to have quite literally been under his nose this whole time.

“Oh.” Makoto repeated with even more embarrassment this time as he read the messages over Akihiko’s shoulder. His face was completely scarlet now, not even making an attempt to hide it as he snatched Akihiko’s phone from his hands and frantically started typing what looked like a strongly worded message. In any other situation Akihiko would have objected to having his phone stolen from him like that, but with the realization the both of them had just had, he felt that Makoto deserved to have a word with Kotone. “I knew I never should have told her,” he mumbled to himself near-silently as he typed, still using entirely lowercase letters despite his annoyance. Akihiko was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to have heard that, but his nosiness got the better of him, and it raised a question in his mind. Did that mean he’d told Kotone about his… feelings? That was something Akihiko couldn’t quite wrap his head around. Makoto was always so quiet and reserved, so the idea of him willingly talking about his feelings to begin with, let alone ones that were that hidden and personal, felt almost impossible. Then again, he had been surprisingly open tonight. Maybe Makoto wasn’t really as reserved as he seemed? Or maybe Kotone had just beat the truth out of him somehow. That was also a possibility, with both how close they were and Kotone's scarily good blackmailing skills.

“You told her?” A voice in the back of his mind told Akihiko that he probably shouldn’t have asked him that, especially not with how he was still furiously typing a passive-aggressive message on Akihiko’s phone keyboard, but he couldn’t help his curiosity.

“I’m not answering that.” Was all he got in response, eyes unmoving from the screen in front of him. It was a non-answer, but still gave him all of the information he needed. Akihiko awkwardly smiled to himself, his heart skipping a single beat in his chest. So he had told Kotone about his crush. (Good lord, it still made him flustered to even think about. How the hell was he going to deal with the inevitable conversation they were going to have to have if he couldn't even think of the word crush without feeling butterflies in his stomach? He didn’t want to think about it.) He’d apparently told her enough to result in months of attempted wingmanning too, though knowing Kotone, that could have been initiated by a single off-hand comment. It still made his heart turn to goo in his chest, though, realizing that Kotone had known about this for so much longer than he had. That Makoto had felt this way for long enough to cause Kotone to message him like that.

“You do realize that by not answering me you’ve already given me an answer, right?” Makoto turned to face him, an annoyed (yet weirdly adorable) scowl on his face, shutting and handing him back his phone with a soft sigh.

“I didn’t mean to. She was being annoying and beat it out of me.” Figures. Kotone had a way of doing that to people, and Akihiko would have been lying if he said it didn’t scare him at times. “And then she wouldn’t leave me alone about it. Kept pushing me to talk to you. Probably had something to do with that stupid spell, too. She’s evil.” Akihiko couldn’t help but laugh at the implication. It was difficult to tell whether or not Makoto was joking through his monotone voice, but Akihiko assumed he wasn’t being genuine with his last remark. Kotone had seemed genuinely concerned about Makoto’s well-being both during and after the spell had affected him, and she cared about her brother way too much to knowingly put him in danger over something so trivial.

“I doubt that. She cares about you a lot, you know. And I don’t know if I’d necessarily call her ‘evil.’” Makoto shrugged, taking a frusterated deep breath before sitting back down on the bench. Akihiko waited a moment before joining him, trying to decide whether or not to once again urge Makoto to come back to the dorms with him. He knew it would be the responsible thing to do, and that they could always finish their conversation on the way home, but something about the late-night atmosphere of Paulownia was drawing him in. He couldn’t tell if it was the nearly full-moon illuminating the area, the quietness of the usually bustling mall, or even something selfish like the way Makoto’s eyes looked beautiful in contrast to the midnight sky, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t bring himself to leave. So he sat down, trying to push away the thought of how irresponsible he was being by putting Makoto's health in danger over something so selfish.

“You haven’t lived with her for seventeen years.” Despite his words, there was an underlying tone of affection in his voice that he attempted to hide. “She’s evil. Always tries to make me talk to people. Never leaves me alone about things. She’s the world’s worst wingman.” Thinking back to the obviousness of her messages and the pushiness of her attitude, Akihiko was almost inclined to agree. But the deeper he thought about it, the more he realized just how much Kotone’s interference had helped them. Without her, they never would have walked Koromaru together this afternoon. Never would have gone on that horrifyingly awkward ‘double date’ to Chagall that, while being one of the most embarrassing experiences of his life, started Akihiko’s train of confusing, fluttery feelings for Makoto. And, hell, without Kotone, would Makoto have even had the confidence to invite him out here with him? To tell him what he did? Akihiko didn't have any concrete proof, but he doubted Makoto would have been able to do all of this without her. “I bought these to thank her for forcing me to talk to you.” Makoto reached into the shopping bag and pulled out the box of strawberry Pocky. Aww. It was nice to know that he still cared about her, even through his frustration. Akihiko never had any doubt, of course, but hearing confirmation coming from Makoto himself made him smile. It almost reminded him of himself and Miki in a way, and while bittersweet, his smile didn’t falter. “She’s annoying and awful and gets way too into people’s business, but she helped, I think.” Makoto was still looking as far away from him as he could, but if Akihiko’s eyes weren’t deceiving him, he caught a glance of a small smile tugging at his lips. Though that moment was quickly ruined by Makoto ripping open the box of Pocky with much more force than required, causing a few to spill out onto the bench. Akihiko had a sneaking suspicion they weren’t going to Kotone anymore. “But after seeing what she’s been sending you, I’m just gonna eat ‘em. Want some?” Akihiko laughed softly as Makoto bit the end of one of the Pocky sticks. Guess he did have a sweet tooth after all.

“Nah, I’m good. Candy isn’t really my thing.” Makoto shrugged, because of course he did, and continued eating the remnants of Kotone’s gift. The two sat in silence for a moment, quietly observing the nighttime atmosphere around them, and for a split second, Akihiko almost felt ready to return to the dorms. The environment around them was impossibly comforting, and he wanted to spend as long here with Makoto as he could before reality returned to them and the risk of things being awkward between them fully set in, but he couldn’t stay here forever. He made a move to stand up, ready to try and drag Makoto home for the thousandth time, but as he leaned forward, something struck his mind.

Makoto had said something earlier, hadn’t he? Something he was so embarrassed by that he had tried to get Akihiko to come back to the dorms with him instead of the other way around? Makoto had managed to distract him with their conversation about Kotone, but he still hadn’t repeated whatever he'd said. And with how honest Akihiko had been forced to be, admitting things out loud that he couldn’t even admit to himself a few hours ago, he wasn’t going to let Makoto get off scot-free like that. “What were you saying earlier?” He felt he should have been more specific, given the fact that they had talked about a thousand different things during their time on this bench, but Makoto’s head instantly snapped around to meet his gaze, looking like a deer in headlights. Seems he didn’t need to specify.

“Nothing,” he mumbled immediately, continuing to eat his Pocky while trying not to look like he’d just seen a ghost. Akihiko sighed— he should have known better than to expect this to be simple.

“You can tell me that you love me, but you can’t tell me whatever that was?” Akihiko unexpectedly felt his voice falter as he spoke. That’s right, Makoto loved him. He’d said it himself. With all of the conversations they’d had here, Akihiko had somehow managed to lose that amongst the sea of his thoughts. Well, not exactly, seeing as how it had been in the back of his mind since the moment Makoto had uttered those words, but he hadn’t been focusing on it as much as he felt he should have. Makoto loved him. Makoto loved him. No matter how many times he repeated those words to himself, they never quite felt real. Like he was in a dream-state that he was soon going to wake up from. Makoto loved him. Good lord, he was never going to be able to sleep tonight.

“Mhm.” Makoto stealthily closed the gap between them once more, doing it in such a subtle way that Akihiko wouldn’t have noticed if weren’t hyper-focused on each of Makoto’s movements and actions. The returning warmth between them made Akihiko smile even wider than he already was, and provided him with the slight confidence boost he needed to repeat the one thing that had been on his mind for nearly a full hour now. He took a deep breath, momentarily squeezing his eyes shut. He could do this.

“What are we?” He tried to keep his voice from faltering, trying desperately to sound more confident than he was. In reality, he was nervous beyond belief. Logically, he had no reason to be. Considering Makoto’s loving words and warm affection, the absolute worst case scenario would be him and Makoto remaining friends and teammates, and Akihiko knew that, but Makoto had a tendency to make him feel illogically at times, making him worry about things he had no buisness worrying about.

“Humans, I think.” If Akihiko weren’t nearly shaking from nervousness, he would have punched him. There wasn’t even a hint of a smile on Makoto’s face this time, which didn’t do anything to help his anxiety. Perhaps the reason Makoto was so reluctant to repeat what he had said was because it was something Akihiko didn’t want to hear, a voice in the back of his mind taunted him. It felt impossible for something like that to happen with Makoto’s heartfelt confession earlier, but he had to consider all of the possibilities here, including the ones that made his heart sink into his stomach.

“You know what I mean.” Akihiko’s breathing deepened as he spoke, trying his best to stay calm despite the tsunami raging in his chest. He picked at his nails as he tried to distract himself, and while it helped a bit, it didn’t do much to quell his overall anxiety.

“Yeah.” In a classic, semi-infuriating Makoto manner, he answered him without actually giving him an answer. Akihiko clenched his fist, taking another deep breath to prevent himself from digging his nails into the back of his hand out of anxiety again.

“It doesn’t— It doesn’t matter,” Akihiko managed to force out after a few seconds of swallowing his fear. He was lying through his teeth, of course; Makoto’s answer did matter. In the heat of the moment, it mattered to Akihiko more than anything, actually. But admitting that would only put more pressure on him, and right now, he just wanted an answer, regardless of whether or not it was a good one. Having an outright negative answer was preferable to staying in this purgatory of feelings, and Akihiko wished he would just spit it out already. “Whatever you say, I mean. I just want to know what we are. What this is. It’s okay to be honest. We’ll still be friends. I, uh, hope so, anyway.” Deep breath. For once, Akihiko was happy with the words that had managed to escape his mouth. It wasn’t perfect, and he was sure he could have come up with something much better if he had more time to prepare, but it was short, concise, and coherent---Much more than he could say for some of his earlier confessions. He unclenched his fist and began to pick at his nails once again, unable to look at Makoto in the moment. Despite what he'd said, he still wasn’t mentally ready to have confirmation one way or the other, and there was a good chance that Makoto’s expression would reveal that. Or, more likely, his expression would be an impossible to discern poker face, and that would only cause his anxiety to increase. So, like the coward he was, his eyes stayed locked with his palm. Though, in the back of his mind, the image of soft pale gray looking at him with disgust and disappointment lingered, making his stomach churn.

“We can be whatever you want,” Makoto muttered, and as Akihiko sneaked a glance in his direction, he noticed that he was blankly staring up at the moon again. Akihiko breathed a sigh of relief, but his solace was short-lived. Makoto didn’t sound sure of himself. At all. In fact, he sounded like he had the barrel of a gun pressed to his head, which wasn’t exactly relieving to hear in the current circumstance. Akihiko bit his lip to the point it hurt, his brain waging a war against itself. Should he just come out and say it? Tell Makoto that he wanted to be his boyfriend? But how the hell was he going to tell him that when even thinking about it made butterflies flutter around in his stomach?

“That doesn’t really help me.” He couldn’t, he decided. He’d barely managed to tell Makoto that he loved him, and this was a different beast entirely. Akihiko tried to explain his inability to just spit it out already to himself, but came back with no clear reason other than his own cowardice. He knew deep in his heart that this would turn out fine, knew directly from Makoto himself that he loved him, but for whatever goddamned reason, he couldn’t force himself to state his true feelings. Doubts started clouding his mind, and no matter how illogical he knew they were, he couldn’t stop them from forming. What if he had meant a platonic sort of love? What if this was only the result of Kotone’s pushing, and he wasn’t ready for a romantic relationship yet? What if he was still afflicted with that charm spell, and none of these were his true feelings at all? Each thought grew progressively more outlandish, but the fact that he couldn’t technically disprove any of them made Akihiko want to tear his hair out. Even with how much easier he’d been able to read Makoto this evening, there were still times where trying to figure out his emotions was equivalent to trying to squeeze water from a stone, and this was undoubtedly one of them.

“Yes it does.” No, it doesn’t! Who was Makoto to tell him about his own feelings, anyway? Jerk. “I said we can be whatever you want. So tell me what you want.” Ah. That's what he was doing here. Reflecting the question back onto Akihiko so he didn’t have to answer himself. He had to admit it was a clever strategy, if not absolutely infuriating. They were both cowards, he supposed, which made Akihiko feel a bit better about his own sudden timidness. He couldn’t help but laugh, if not in a self deprecating way—this entire situation was absurd, really. Came for hair dye, confessed their feelings for each other, and wound up terrified of confessing what were pretty much the same feelings again. Now that he thought about it, was this trip even for hair dye in the first place, or was that just an excuse Makoto had made in order to talk to him alone? He had seemed weirdly sudden about it, but, then again, this was Makoto he was talking about. He supposed it didn’t matter either way, but the thought that Makoto had dragged him out here specifically for an excuse to talk to him alone made Akihiko’s heart flutter in a way that almost all of Makoto’s actions seemed to be doing as of late. Actions like those stupid, longing, filled-with-so-much-affection-it-hurt sneaked glances he had suddenly started giving him again after dodging his question, trying to keep up the facade that this didn’t matter to him when anyone with half a brain could tell that it was the number one thing on his mind. As annoying as it was, and as much as Akihiko wished Makoto would just allow himself to be honest with his feelings for once, it was weirdly relieving to know that Makoto was just as nervous about this as he was.

“You really seem to be avoiding that question,” Akihiko teased, as if he himself wasn’t doing the exact same thing. Thankfully, Makoto didn’t call him out on it. He only stared at the ground, fiddling with the wire of his headphones and occasionally glancing over at Akihiko when he thought he couldn’t see. “Like I said, you can be honest. We can pretend this never happened, if you want.” Even the mere thought of that made Akihiko feel like his world was ending, but he had to set that feeling aside for Makoto’s sake. It was his feelings that were most important here, after all, and he wanted to reassure him that things would turn out okay no matter what he chose to say. Personally, the idea of pretending this night had never happened made Akihiko feel physically ill, his face burning with a horribly unpleasant feeling of dread, but if that’s what Makoto wanted, he would survive. It might be hell, but he’d survive. After all he’d been through, there was no way Akihiko was going to let something like this be the death of him.

“Don’t wanna.” …Though with the way things were going, he was about to be the death of Makoto. The nerve he had to just ‘don’t wanna’ him after all of this was insane, though, really, what else had he expected? It wouldn’t be Makoto without his infuriating qualities like this, and as much as it made Akihiko want to slam his head against wall at times, it was part of what he loved about him. ‘I can’t believe I fell in love with you,’ he bit back, words almost escaping his mouth before his brain caught up to him. He hadn’t shut up for the reason he probably should’ve, that being that perhaps his teasing was a bit too mean-spirited, but instead because of that damn word coming back to haunt him. Love. He shouldn’t have felt as nervous as he was to say it. He shouldn’t have felt nervous at all, because he’d already said it. Not only that, but Makoto had said it back. But with how much time had passed since then, and the way Makoto seemed to be avoiding breaking his heart at all costs, he couldn’t let himself be that vulnerable again. Not until he had confirmation of what the hell was going on between the two of them, anyway. So, for better or for worse, he stayed silent. A few minutes passed, and as much as he tried, Akihiko couldn’t manage to force a single word out of his mouth. Everything he wanted to say either jumbled up into mush inside his mind, made his heart do nauseating backflips in his chest, or a mixture of the two. Eventually, he grew tired of trying, and simply let his thoughts remain inside his head, but even that had its consequences. Makoto didn’t say anything either, as expected, which plunged them into a period of deafening silence. That only served to make him more anxious, because without any noise to distract him, the worries that had lingered in the back of his mind began to move their way forward.

He’s not saying anything because he doesn’t know how to reject you.

He was still being affected by that charm spell. None of those were his real feelings.

You know how Makoto is. He probably got his feelings mixed up like you did, only the other way around. He’s not actually interested in you like that.

And so on. One by one, his thoughts of increasingly stupid worst-case scenarios came back, and rather than trying to fight against them all, Akihiko took a deep breath.

He shouldn’t be stressing himself out like this, he realized a bit too late, relaxing his body and slowing his breathing. Hanging out with Makoto was never stressful like this. It was always serene and relaxing, with neither of them saying a word if they didn’t feel like it. Silence with Makoto had always been different from silence with other people, and that was something he had to stop and remind himself of. SIlence with other people was uncomfortable. Awkward. Scary, at times. More often than not, it meant he had fucked up somewhere or missed a social cue, and that he now had to frantically spend the next minute figuring out what the hell he did wrong. Silence with Makoto, though, was nearly the exact opposite. It was calming. Relaxing. A way to unwind after a long day of dealing with the first kind of silence. With Makoto, he was at ease, even if neither of them said a word. Akihiko could never put a finger on why it was so different, and he still couldn’t figure out an exact reason, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that being with Makoto had always been comfortable, so why was now any different? They’d both admitted some things to each other, but at the end of the day, this was still the same Makoto. The same Makoto he shared a dorm with. The same Makoto he savored the rare smile of. The same Makoto that he’d seen feeding the stray cat at the station time and time again, just to make sure it stayed healthy. The same Makoto that had bought his sister her favorite candy to thank her for her unorthodox method of making him more social. The same Makoto that he loved.

“Hey, Makoto?” His head whipped around instantly, eyes widened like he’d been waiting for this exact moment. Akihiko took another deep breath in and out—it was now or never.

“Y-Yeah?” Makoto stuttered out, his facade of not caring how they defined their relationship rapidly deteriorating. His pupils were the size of the moon he kept staring at, and they were shining just as brightly. Looking into them was like being hit with the same charm spell Makoto had, his heartbeat going completely irregular in his chest. For a moment, Akihiko decided to admire the boy in front of him. For just a split second, he let his worries fade away completely, and replaced them with thoughts of a more self-indulgent caliber.

He looked so pretty under the moonlight like this. Akihiko made a mental note to pay extra attention to Makoto on their missions, just to admire how beautiful he’d look illuminated by a full moon.

He’d never seen his eyes so wide and full of emotion before. Really, before tonight, it wasn’t common to see any significant emotion reflected in Makoto’s expression. He was calm and stone-faced in a way that only Kotone could read a majority of the time. But something had changed tonight, and though he worried it was egotistical of him to say, Akihiko assumed it had something to do with himself.

They were so close to each other. Akihiko must not have noticed it from how trapped in his own head he was, but there were only centimeters between them now. He was so close that he could feel Makoto’s body heat, so close that he wanted to just lean in and close the gap between them with a soft, gentle kiss. So close that it was driving him insane in a way that was much more noticeable than before. It was a burning feeling deep in his core, and one that he couldn’t shake away no matter how much he tried to distract himself.

And so on, until his thoughts turned to incoherent babbles within his mind. In a moment, in one single second, all of his worries faded into the distant corners of his mind, replaced by a burning, homely feeling of want and need. Fears and irrational worst-case scenarios turned into self-indulgent desires, and that sickly, nervous feeling that had been building inside him all evening finally dissipated. It was replaced by a newfound feeling of confidence— a feeling that, no matter what happened, everything would turn out alright somehow. And looking at Makoto, who seemed to be almost on the verge of tears from one thing or another, looking at Akihiko like he was the sun, the moon, and the stars themselves, he wondered how he had ever allowed himself to feel so nervous in the first place.

“I really, really love you.” The words slipped from his mouth with resolution, like they’d been fighting to be said for centuries. And they had, in a way—though he hadn’t realized it until this evening. Akihiko steadied his breathing and picked at his nails, but didn’t allow his gaze to drift away from Makoto. He couldn’t let this newfound confidence slip away from him that easily. He tried not to hyper-analyze Makoto’s expression, worried that doing so would cause him to start overthinking things again, but he found himself doing so regardless of his wishes. His feelings were difficult to read as expected, though the bright red tint on his face and wide, deer-in-headlights eyes didn’t give Akihiko the impression that he was thinking anything outright negative. There was still that voice in the back of his mind that tried to convince him of the opposite, of course, but he silenced it with the sound of his own voice, confessing something he should have done hours ago. “I, uh, would really like to be in a relationship with you. It’s— It’s okay if you don’t. I just had to get it off my chest.” It was done. He’d done it. Akihiko leaned back against the bench in a mixture of relief and anxiety, almost not believing that those words had finally escaped the prison of his mind. He’d done it. He’d told Makoto what he wanted, what he needed and felt like he would die without, and now he had to deal with the consequences. His eyes were on Makoto like he was the only thing in the universe, which at this point he very well may have been.

Makoto didn’t say anything for a moment. Didn’t move, either. He was sickeningly still, eyes still the size of the waning moon, and that’s when the regret started to set in. Was this… not what he wanted? Had his worries not been as unfounded as he'd thought? The adrenaline flooding through him made it difficult to form any rational thoughts, though his mind was quickly taken over by a feeling of dread once again. Akihiko’s world stopped as he stared at Makoto, trying to keep his breathing steady and his thoughts away from the building sense of regret inside him. He still wasn’t speaking or moving, and, hell, he was hardly breathing, but every single motion he made was at the forefront of his mind. Every blink, every rise and fall of his chest— Akihiko noticed it all, because how could he not? He doubted he could get himself to focus on anything else if his life depended on it. As far as he was concerned, Makoto was the only person in the world at that moment. Makoto, who he very well may have ruined his friendship with forever, but that was okay. He spoke his truth, and that was what was important. Makoto could feel however he wanted about it; at least it was out there. He could deal with the consequences when the time came, but for now, he remained focused on moonlit soft gray and deep cobalt.

“You really mean that?” His voice was so quiet that it would have gone unheard had Akihiko’s attention not been entirely focused on him, but it was there, and Akihiko nearly choked on his own spit. His question didn’t do much in the way of revealing how he felt about Akihiko’s proposition, but at least he wasn’t frozen in shock anymore.

“Y-Yeah. Trust me, I wouldn’t joke about something like that.” Deep breaths. Akihiko forced a smile despite himself, using all of his energy to fight off his returning anxieties. Makoto fell silent again, almost as if he was specifically trying to cause Akihiko to have a heart attack, but thankfully, it was significantly shorter this time around.

“Stop—” A lone tear fell down his cheek, which seemed to shock Makoto himself as much as it did Akihiko, causing him to cut himself off and avert his gaze. A sickening feeling settled in Akihiko’s chest at the sight, one that was significantly worse than any of other times he’d felt something of the sort. He’d— never seen Makoto cry before. He didn’t think that was even possible, with the way he appeared to handle difficult things with ease. He hadn’t cried while summoning his Persona, while telling Akihiko what had happened to his parents, all of the times he’d been horribly injured by Shadows— never. Not once. The only time had even come close had been when he was under the influence of the charm spell, but that wasn't really Makoto. Akihiko wondered if he should have felt scared, embarrassed, or even ashamed that his words had apparently had enough impact on him to make Makoto Yuki cry, but somehow, he knew it wasn’t a tear shed from negative emotions. He couldn’t explain why or how he knew, but he did. And as faulty as his intuition tended to be, just this once, he knew he could trust it. “Stop making me feel stuff like this. ‘S embarrassing.” He looked back over at him after a few seconds, his face still burning bright, but his lips having curled up into a small smile. It didn’t look as natural as he would have liked, as if he was forcing himself to look outwardly happy so Akihiko didn’t misinterpret anything, but an unnatural smile was still a smile, and in one expression, Akihiko’s worries faded into the distance once again.

“Stop making you feel things?” Akihiko laughed quietly, trying to take away some of the tension from the situation as well as admiring just how ironic this all was. “You almost made me have a heart attack! You were staring at me like I’d just killed someone, which, y’know, isn’t really something you want to see after confessing something like that.” Makoto’s smile switched up to something that looked a lot more genuine, and without warning, he rested his head back against Akihiko’s shoulder. As cliche as it was, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding—something about Makoto’s head gently resting against him made him feel at complete peace, as if nothing could possibly ruin this moment.

“Sorry.” Akihiko’s heartbeat caught in his throat as Makoto’s smile grew wider. “Got nervous. Don’t really know why. I’m not used to being nervous about stuff like this.” Akihiko gently carded a hand through his hair, feeling Makoto’s own anxieties fade away with every brush. He stilled for a moment, shutting his eyes and burying his head further against Akihiko’s neck to the point he almost thought he’d fallen asleep, until his eyes slowly fluttered back open, staring up at him with resolution. “I’d really like that. Being your boyfriend, I mean.” In a wonderful display of grace, Akihiko immediately fell into a coughing fit upon hearing those words. Boyfriend. It was just a single word, and one that shouldn’t have held as much weight as it did, given their earlier confessions to one another, but of course, Akihiko’s heart didn’t listen to reason. His chest was on fire, his hands were shaking, and for a moment, the moon seemed to shine even brighter than it had before. Makoto wanted to be his boyfriend. Makoto was his boyfriend, though they hadn’t technically confirmed that with each other yet. He was so silly for ever thinking Makoto would want anything less, Akihiko mentally he scolded himself as he ran a shaky finger through silky blue hair. Shadows reflected the most hidden parts of people, right? So didn’t that mean that Makoto’s charm spell, and everything he said and did while under its influence, was a reflection of his true, hidden feelings? It was only a theory, albeit one that seemed to fit perfectly together the more he thought about it, and while Akihiko really, really wished he’d come to the realization sooner, it was an impossibly comforting thought. Maybe someday he’d get to see Makoto like that again, affectionate and vulnerable within his arms, except without being under the influence of a spell or anything of the sort. Just Makoto himself, feeling comfortable enough to display his more hidden feelings. It would be a while until they got to that point, and Akihiko sincerely doubted Makoto would ever be quite as clingy and affectionate as his charmed counterpart, but it was one of the many, many things he was now looking forward to.

“W-Wait just so we’re clear—” Akihiko swallowed, staring directly into soft, affectionate, pale gray. He had nothing to worry about anymore, yet Makoto still managed to evoke a certain sense of warm nervousness in him. That was just an effect he had on him, he supposed. An effect of being in love. “We’re, uh, dating now, right? F-For sure this time?” Makoto wasted no time giving him a weak nod, still not unburying himself from Akihiko’s neck.

“Mhm,” he mumbled in confirmation, and despite the plainness of it, Akihiko had never heard him sound more sure of anything. “If that’s what you want too. Which you said you did. So yeah, I guess we’re dating.” His voice was as quiet as it usually was, with the addition of a muffle from his refusal to move himself out of Akihiko’s neck, but to Akihiko, his words were the loudest thing he’d ever heard, burying their way into his mind and repeating over and over again like a mantra.

Dating. They were dating. He wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about the ‘I guess,’ but seeing as how the sheer amount of affection leaking through in his voice was enough to make Akihiko feel nauseous for a moment, he knew that it was just one of his Makoto-isms rather than a reflection of how he truly felt. The relieved sigh Akihiko let out was almost pathetic, because how the hell was he still nervous about how this after Makoto had completely spelled it out for him twice, but, really, how could he help it? There were no more doubts to be had, no more vague answers and avoiding questions, no more worrying about their friendship crumbling beneath them as a result of those damn three words. They were dating. Makoto was resting on his shoulder, face buried into his neck with a giddy smile he tried to hide, and they were dating. If the feeling weren’t so impossibly realistic he would have doubted that this was truly happening at all, mind drifting back off to thoughts that maybe this was just a particularly self-indulgent dream, but even just the warmth of Makoto against him was enough for him to know that as insane as it seemed, this was all real.

“Wow.” Was all he could say, which he would have felt embarrassed by, if he had room left to feel said embarrassment over the waves of happiness and love crashing into him. But he didn’t, and with the high he was riding right now, he doubted it would hit him any time soon.

“Yeah.” Makoto agreed(?) with him, laughing softly before moving his head away from Akihiko’s neck with a yawn. While the loss of warmth upset him more than he would like to admit, the clearer view he got of Makoto’s face from this position made it worth it. He looked happy, obviously—Akihiko would be pretty concerned if he didn’t—but it was just how overjoyed he looked that made him unable to look away. His smile was so bright it almost didn’t fit his often stoic face, his soft gray eyes were shimmering with love and joy and every other possible positive emotion they could be, much more so than Akihiko had ever seen in his sneaked glances towards them, and his entire face was flushed with a soft, pale pink that fit him so well it almost felt as if that was how he’d always looked. It was… overwhelming, but not in any sort of bad way. The exact opposite, in fact, though with the way Akihiko felt like his organs were going to melt into slime inside his chest from looking at him, he figured he should look away before he had an actual heart attack. He didn’t, though, because with all of the irresponsible decisions he’d made tonight, he supposed one more couldn’t hurt. Makoto looked beautiful like this, and though he felt like he’d said that a billion times already, it was even truer now than it had been before. Makoto was the one to break away their eye contact, his gaze moving down to the ground in a shy, nervous manner. “Stop staring. I haven’t changed, you know.” Akihiko assumed that Makoto was trying to tease him, but from just how shaky and nervous-sounding his voice was, it didn’t come across that way. Akihiko smiled to himself—at least he was the one finally making Makoto nervous instead of the other way around.

“Sorry.” He wasn’t, not at all, actually, but the apology came out as a reflex. “You’re just really pretty.” It wasn’t until Makoto’s head whipped up to look at him did Akihiko realize what he’d just said, and once he did, he wanted to punch himself in the face. Pretty? Really? That’s the compliment he had to say out loud? He couldn’t have said anything else? In an attempt to rectify his mistake, Akihiko continued, but as he often tended to do, he only dug himself deeper into the hole. “I meant to say that your smile is pretty! Nope, that’s worse. I meant that, uh, your eyes are really… gray? But, like, in a good way! Wait, hang on, that’s not really a compliment—”

“Please stop,” Makoto damn near pleaded, looking halfway between laughing and crying, and Akihiko was more than willing to follow his demand before he fucked this up even more. The pink tint covering his face had deepened to near-scarlet, though whether that was from flattery or straight embarrassment he didn't want to know. “You’re… not very good at this, are you?” Makoto laughed harder than he usually did, a genuine one rather than a simple nose exhale, and that alone made his terrible display of flirting (and Makoto’s upsettingly true jab at him) worth it.

“Hey!” He couldn’t even really take offense to that with how true it was, but he still felt that he had to stand his ground somehow. “You’re one to talk. Invited me all the way out here at midnight to buy hair-dye as a cover to interrogate me and ask me out. This would’ve gone a lot more smoothly if we had just stayed in my room, you know. Did you even actually need hair-dye?” Though it would have saved him a massive headache, Akihiko had a difficult time picturing this moment having happened in any other way. The moonlight reflecting off of them, the quietness of the normally bustling mall, the cold metal of the bench contrasted by Makoto’s body heat against him— it was something that could never be replicated by somewhere as plain as his room.

“Nah. I probably could’ve gone another week or so before touching up my roots. It was just the first excuse I thought of.” Akihiko held back a sigh. Somehow, that was even more Makoto-like than if he had actually gone out for hair dye. “I wasn’t planning on this happening, though. I just wanted to get away at first, because I was having a lot of feelings. But then I managed to ask you to come with me, somehow.” That confession piqued Akihiko’s interest. Makoto hadn’t planned this from the beginning? He had just used it as a reason to be alone? That was shocking to him, though understandable. If their positions were reversed, Akihiko wouldn’t necessarily want to be around Makoto after being charmed like that either. Still, the fact that none of this was even supposed to happen in the first place scared him a bit. He felt immensely lucky that this had all gone the way it had, because one small misstep and he would still be in the dorms, staring at the wall and still trying to process the weight of his feelings while Makoto had gone out to hell-knows-where. “Dunno how I had the confidence to do that. Maybe that headache was messing with my mind or something.”

“Oh, yeah, your headache! I almost forgot.” Akihiko really shouldn’t have allowed himself to forget something that major, being Makoto’s unofficial caretaker for the time being and all, but he didn’t necessarily blame himself for losing that detail amongst the sea of new information he’d been slapped in the face with over the past few hours. “It seemed like a nasty one. Are you sure you’re feeling better? I know you said you were earlier, but I’m pretty sure you were, well, preoccupied.” Akihiko would never forgive himself if Makoto’s condition worsened from this outing, though he doubted he could force him to take care of himself if he tried. Makoto was even worse than Akihiko was in terms of ignoring and minimizing his injuries and illnesses, and without someone physically forcing him to, he tended not to care about his own well-being. It infuriated Akihiko, and while there wasn’t much he could do about it now, he hoped to use their new relationship to his advantage in that regard.

“Eh.” Makoto shrugged, which didn’t inspire much confidence that his headache had actually gone away like he’d claimed. The fact that he wasn’t even trying to make an ‘I’m fine’ excuse formed a lump in Akihiko's throat, but he tried to swallow it away. “I’ll live.” And that inspired even less confidence. Yep, he was definitely sick. Hopefully to a lesser degree than he had been before. Akihiko didn’t waste another second before standing up from the bench, extending his arm out to Makoto and hoping he’d take it before he realized what was happening. He didn’t, unfortunately, instead looking up at Akihiko with confusion, so he explained himself.

“You’re sick,” he said plainly, and pretended not to notice Makoto rolling his eyes at him. “Let’s go home. I shouldn’t have even let you come out here in the first place. You need to rest.”

“Mm-mm.” Makoto shook his head childishly and, stupidly enough, Akihiko almost wanted to give up on his mission right then and there. Distantly, he wondered if Makoto had already figured out just how weak he was to him, and was testing just how little he had to do in order to get Akihiko to agree to his stupid plans. “I don’t wanna. You really expect me to just go back after all of this? They’re gonna ask so many questions. I’m too tired for that.” Oh, yeah, right. He’d been so worried about Mitsuru scolding him that he hadn’t even considered the possible reactions of his other teammates, particularly the more curious and nosy ones like Junpei and Kotone. He already had an idea of what they were going to ask, and the thought made him shudder. He supposed they could always just lie about why they had left and what had taken them so long, but considering Akihiko’s lying skills were significantly worse than his friends’ ability to mind their own business, he doubted it would get them very far.

“You might be right, but we can’t stay on this bench forever.” Makoto made an indistinct noise of disapproval, apparently too tired to even disagree with him properly. “We can sneak in through a window if that’s what you’re worried about. I might not survive if Mitsuru finds out, but at least we can dodge those questions for a little while longer.” Plus, if they snuck in through the same window, there was a chance that Makoto would be too lazy to return to his own room and would stay in Akihiko’s instead. It was beyond embarrassing that that was his first thought, coming to him even before the realization of how much shit he would be in if he snuck back inside without a word, but, again, he couldn’t exactly blame himself. He’d been too much of a chicken to take Makoto up on his offer to lay with him the first time, so maybe this could be his chance to collect a raincheck on that.

“Nah, that’s okay. We can just go back normally.” To Akihiko’s surprise and relief, Makoto stood up from the bench, stretching his arms with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. This meant they probably wouldn’t get to sleep next to each other, but if he had to choose between that and not being killed by Mitsuru in the morning, he’d choose the latter. Besides, he had all the time in the world to ask Makoto to lay next to him, as well as all of the other cheesy relationship things that were floating around in his head. He had all the time in the world, and there was no need to rush anything. “I think sneaking back inside would only raise more questions. And that’s more annoying.” Fair enough. While this entire excursion was probably going to be the gossip of the dorms for the next week or so, the amount of questions and rumors that would start floating around if they snuck back inside, especially if they shared the same bed, would be downright unbearable. “Besides,” Makoto continued, voice noticeably quieter than it had been before. “I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me. Well, not more than you already are, anyway.” He sounded genuine, maybe even guilty if Akihiko listened hard enough, and it truly caught him off-guard. Was Makoto really worried about something like that? Akihiko would do anything to keep Makoto safe and happy, and he was worried about something as insignificant as them getting caught sneaking out? He supposed it may have been his own fault, having stressed how important returning to the dorms was and all, but that was never about him getting in trouble. It was about making sure the idiot didn’t worsen his side-effects by staying outside for too long when he should be resting, and Akihiko wished he’d made that more clear.

“It’s not a problem, really.” Akihiko stretched, taking some of the tension off of his body from being seated for so long. “You’re— You’re worth it, I promise.” For once, Akihiko didn’t try to backtrack from his statement. It was true, and he stood by it. Makoto was worth just about everything to him, so him being more important than something as insignificant as a slap on the wrist from Mitsuru was a given.

“T-Thanks.” He looked away from him, eyes meeting the ground they seemed to love so much, but before he turned away, Akihiko caught a quick glimpse of a smile on his lips, blindingly bright and full of love. He hoped the day would soon come that Makoto wasn’t so ashamed of his smile, but, again, they had all the time in the world. And he’d make damn sure that in that time he’d let Makoto know just how beautiful his smile was. Not now, though— he was still too much of a coward.

“Are you ready?” He asked once Makoto looked back up at him, smile dimmed to one that Akihiko hardly would’ve noticed if he wasn’t looking for it. He waited a few seconds for a nod or vague mumble of approval, but, of course, it never came.

“I said we could go back normally. I never said when.” Akihiko let out a long, exaggerated sigh. Looks like they were never leaving Paulownia after all. Doomed to spend the rest of their lives on or standing next to this damn bench. Though, in all honesty, being stuck here for all eternity wouldn’t be so bad if he had Makoto by his side. He’d just really, really prefer to spend his time with Makoto anywhere other than this cold, sad bench.

“If you’re not going to come willingly, I’ll just drag you back.” That was an empty threat, and judging by the way Makoto was holding back laughter, both of them knew that. Akihiko didn’t doubt that he could carry Makoto all the way back to the dorms; it was more a matter of whether or not he would. And with the way his heart and mind had been acting up around Makoto all night, he knew he wouldn’t have the mental strength to do it.

“Yeah. Sure.” The amount of sarcasm in his tone was almost painful. “We’ve already been here for an hour. What’s another few?” Akihiko didn’t know what scared him more: the fact that they’d already been here for a full hour already, or the fact that Makoto’s suggestion of staying for another few didn’t sound entirely in jest.

“Absolutely not.” Makoto frowned. Akihiko looked away as quickly as he could, because god knew how quickly he’d find himself on that damn bench again if he fell victim to that frown and those puppy-dog eyes. “You need to recover. And besides, everyone’s worried sick about you. The faster we get back, the faster everyone knows that you’re not seriously hurt.” If he weren’t still so overwhelmed with every possible emotion, Akihiko would have felt more guilty for his poor handling of this entire situation. He shouldn’t have even let Makoto come out here in the first place, but once he had, he should have provided his friends with more information about his condition. Hell, he hadn’t even checked his phone in the past half-hour or so, mostly out of fear for what exactly Makoto had sent Kotone and how she had responded, so for all the rest of SEES knew, something had happened to them while out here. But, in all honesty, he didn’t have enough mental space left to feel anything overtly negative at the moment. He was sure it would hit him later, probably when they walked through the front doors and he immediately got chewed out by the rest of the team, but for now, he let that thought fade away into the corners of his mind.

“I texted Kotone. She knows I’m fine.” Evidently, they both had very different definitions of ‘fine.’

“That text message used more swear words than punctuation. I don’t know if that inspires much confidence.” Or maybe that was just how they spoke to each other? Akihiko sincerely doubted it, but that was the only thing keeping him from picturing a horribly shocked Kotone wondering what the hell had happened to to brother.

“Eh.” That was exactly what Akihiko expected, but that didn’t mean he was any less disappointed. He started to consider other strategies, his thoughts ranging from begging him further to straight-up picking him up and running, but as it turned out, he didn’t have to. “But fine. I’ll go.”

“Really?” After all of that, he suddenly agreed to go back? After arguing with him about staying every time he brought it up? Akihiko raised an eyebrow; Makoto could be unpredictable at times, but never this unpredictable. Something was up, and before he could even ask him about it, his suspicions were confirmed. “Under one condition.” There it was. He had a certain mischievous look in his eyes that Akihiko decidedly didn’t like, but also nervous one that he liked even less. If this were nothing more than another one of his stupid schemes like the midnight hair-dye excursion they were still on, then he wouldn’t be nervous about it. Hell, Makoto didn’t seem to get nervous about anything that didn’t involve Akihiko himself, so he had a sneaking suspicion this had something to do with him.

“I’m inclined to say no already.” He used a joke to cover the fact that, whatever this was, he’d more than likely end up saying yes. He had difficulty saying no to Makoto even when his ideas were overtly stupid and dangerous, (see, again, the hair-dye debacle) and he sincerely doubted this would be any different. Especially not when Makoto was looking at him with that look of hope and determination in his eyes. If Akihiko had any more self-control he would have looked away to keep himself from automatically agreeing to whatever demand Makoto spat out at him just because of his pretty eyes, but, as per usual, his heart refused to listen to his brain when it came to their leader. “But what do you want?” A few seconds passed, and Makoto didn’t utter a word. He still maintained eye-contact, surprisingly enough, but the look in his eyes only got more nervous with each passing second. He looked more afraid than mischievous by this point, not entirely dissimilar to the deer-in-headlights look he’d had earlier, and though he was managing to keep his eyes on Akihiko, he looked about half a second away from retreating back to the ground.

“...I want you to buy me new headphones,” he spat out after a suspiciously long silence. His eyes flickered between Akihiko and the environment around them, never lingering on either one for a significant amount of time, and Akihiko instantly knew that something was wrong. He didn’t believe that for a second. Well, he didn’t doubt that Makoto wanted new headphones, considering that he spent most of his time with them covering his ears, but he knew that wasn’t what he originally intended to say. It wasn’t just intuition this time, either. The way he could hardly look at Akihiko, the previous mischievousness in his eyes, the long period of silence—none of that pointed to something as casual of a topic as buying new headphones. And with as hard as Makoto was to read at times, even Akihiko could tell that he was chickening out of saying what he truly wanted to ask. What that actually was he didn’t know yet, but he was going to get Makoto to admit it, even if he had to spend more time in this stupid mall forcing it out of him.

“That’s not what you were going to say.” Makoto mumbled something suspiciously similar to ‘goddamnit’ under his breath, followed by an annoyed sigh.

“How the hell’d you figure that out? You’re supposed to be bad at this kind of stuff.” Wow. Akihiko chose to take that as a compliment saying that he’d gotten better at recognizing people’s feelings rather than the insult that it clearly was.

“You were nervous, and you don’t get nervous about things like that.” Makoto glared at him. Akihiko chose to ignore it. “You don’t really get nervous at all unless it involves, well, me.” He held his breath, waiting for Makoto to punch him in the gut for that observation. He probably should have kept that one to himself, he retroactively realized as he stared into Makoto’s shocked expression, but there was no point in worrying about it now. It was true, after all, even if it was embarrassing to Makoto to hear. Plus, it was payback for the emotional rollercoaster Makoto had been putting him on all evening.

“Wh—” His eyes widened as he stumbled backwards slightly, looking more shocked and embarrassed than annoyed as Akihiko had expected him to be. He must have noticed his loss of composure, though, because he quickly took a deep breath and tried to regulate himself. “I hate you,” he managed through shaky breath, trying to hide the smile that was fighting to be shown.

“I love you too, Makoto,” Akihiko managed with a laugh, and Makoto couldn’t hide his smile this time. It was blindingly bright and affectionate, if not a bit nervous and embarrassed, and Akihiko wished he had a camera with him to capture that moment for eternity. He doubted he actually needed one, though—something told him that that image wouldn’t be leaving his mind any time soon. “So come on, tell me what you were originally going to ask. It can’t be worse than sneaking out for midnight hair dye, whatever it is.” That was far from the truth, and Akihiko could think of about a thousand worse ideas he could imagine Makoto asking him right now, but he had faith that this one wouldn’t be quite as bad as the worst-case scenarios in his mind was taunting him with.

“I was gonna ask…” He trailed off, still seeming horribly nervous about whatever this was. Though he still tried to hold onto his hope that his request wasn’t something insane, Makoto wasn’t making it easy for him. Again, Makoto didn’t get nervous. Not during exams, not in Tartarus, not even when awakening to his Persona for the first time. Only around Akihiko. And that narrowed down his possible questions quite significantly. Akihiko’s mind was caught between horrible, worst-case scenarios and idealistic best-case ones, and the agony of not knowing which one was about to come out of Makoto’s mouth was driving him insane. He knew what he wanted, he realized after watching his boyfriend (!!) struggle with his words for a few more seconds. He knew exactly what he wanted Makoto to ask, and that realization made his heart burn with want, to the point that he almost couldn’t stand up straight. Akihiko took a deep breath, trying his very hardest to set that thought aside. It was fine to have fantasies like that, but there was no way that Makoto was actually going to—

“I was gonna ask if I can kiss you.” Holy fucking shit. That’s it, Makoto was a mind-reader. He was a mind-reader and he was going to give Akihiko a damn heart-attack. He couldn’t breathe, his chest was burning hotter than an Agidyne, and his legs were gelatin. It was a miracle that he was still even standing because holy fucking shit, Makoto just asked to kiss him. Makoto just asked to kiss him. Was he sure this wasn’t all a pleasant dream? “I’ll go back if I can kiss you. Didn’t ask ‘cuz I didn’t wanna put that pressure on you if you’re not ready. But since you’re so nosy, there you go.” Curiosity killed the cat, and Akihiko was pretty sure it was going to kill him as well. His body got weaker and weaker with every word Makoto spoke, breathing more frantically than when he’d just finished a particularly grueling training session and putting an unusual amount of effort into making sure that his legs didn’t give out beneath him. Maybe Makoto had done this on purpose, one of the trillions of thoughts running through him realized. Maybe he’d gotten tired of Akihiko’s teasing and decided to take matters into his own hands and give him payback. It was certainly working if that was his intention, because, holy shit, he could hardly even think straight right now, let alone offer any sort of response.

“Wh— I— Makoto—!!” Great job. Peak verbal performance. Gold star. If he had any more control over his limbs than an infant right now, Akihiko would have slapped himself.

“Is that a yes?” With the way Makoto was almost smirking at him and the pure mischeviousness leaking from his voice, Akihiko assumed he already had his answer, but he wanted to provide him with confirmation just in case. The issue with that was the fact that everything he tried to say apparently came out as near-nonsense, and incoherent babblings wouldn’t exactly give Makoto an answer one way or another. He took several deep breaths, which served to do little other than making him painfully aware of how hot his face felt, until he decided to just focus all of his energy on speaking one simple word.

“Y-Yeah.” He was stuttering more than he ever had, but it was still an answer. “O-Of course it is, I just wasn’t expecting—” And as if his situation couldn’t have possibly gotten any worse, Makoto cut him off. Cut him off by standing up on his tip-toes and leaning in towards him with a look of nervous determination.

Oh dear god.

Akihiko couldn’t breathe. Or maybe he could; he couldn’t really tell. Everything in his body felt like one giant burning mush, to the point that he was hardly aware of his own surroundings anymore.

Makoto was kissing him. Gently and shyly, more like a peck on the lips than anything, but he was kissing him. Makoto was kissing him, and his heart was beating so quickly that he genuinely wondered if he was about to have a heart attack. Makoto was kissing him, and his legs were struggling so hard to balance the weight of his limp body that he could hardly stand up anymore. Makoto was kissing him and he wasn’t kissing back or doing anything to show how much he wanted this because he couldn’t move, and as desperately as he tried, his body didn’t want to cooperate with him in the slightest. Makoto was kissing him, and, somehow, it was everything he’d ever wanted. He could die right here and be satisfied, and with his heart pounding so hard he was worried it would implode, Akihiko couldn't entirely rule out the possibility of that happening. He tried to focus on the sensation of the kiss itselfrather than the state of his own body and mind, but that was easier said than done. Makoto’s lips were… softer than he’d imagined, though he didn’t exactly have any other experiences to compare it to. He was extremely gentle, too, with his lips hardly even touching Akihiko’s, as if he was still somewhat nervous. It was then that Akihiko realized the true significance of their height difference as well, because Makoto looked like he was struggling to even meet Akihiko’s lips in the first place. Taking note of these details helped Akihiko ground himself, realizing that this was all actually happening and lowering his heart-rate to something more manageable, but by the time he had regulated himself enough to actually make an attempt to kiss him back, Makoto had pulled away.

“C’mon, let’s go,” he urged with a mischievous smile he still couldn’t hide, interlocking his fingers with Akihiko’s own as he grabbed his shopping bag with his free hand.

“Wh— But—” Akihiko stumbled out in yet another fantastic display of articulation. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily and focused his energy on actually getting out what he wanted to say, though he still sounded more nervous and frantic than he would have liked. “Now? We’re just going to go back after that?” Ironically enough, now Akihiko was the one refusing to return to the dorms. Something something that was probably irresponsible of him something something, but he couldn’t even hear that nagging thought above the burning warmth spreading through his body. Makoto seriously wanted to just go home after that? After kissing him so suddenly like that? After nearly giving him a damn heart attack? It was hard for him to believe, and even though he probably should have been happy that Makoto had finally agreed to leave the mall, he found himself more shocked than anything.

“That was the agreement.” Except no, it technically wasn’t, because Akihiko hadn’t gotten to finish speaking before Makoto had cut him off with a kiss. (Good lord, Makoto had kissed him. Even though it had just happened, it still didn’t quite feel real.) “What, do you want me to kiss you again?” Yes, please. Even though he doubted he’d live to see tomorrow if it happened, the idea of having Makoto kiss him again was almost a need to him. It was pathetic how much this was all affecting him, but he didn’t care. He needed Makoto like he needed air and water, and that was just a fact of life he had to accept now. “You don’t look so great. I dunno if you’d survive that.”

“H-Hey!” He wasn’t necessarily wrong about that, but Akihiko wasn’t going to take that slander sitting down. He thought for a moment for a comeback, mind running rampant for literally anything to say to take the embarrassment off of himself for a moment, until, like it always seemed to, his gaze settled on Makoto’s face. He hadn’t noticed it before in his panic, but Makoto was blushing. Pretty obvious, considering the whole first kiss thing, but he’d never seen his face burning quite this brightly before. He was scarlet, his smile a perfect mixture of nervous mischievousness, and while not as severe as Akihiko had been, he also looked to be struggling to keep himself regulated. If Akihiko weren’t already a blushing, barely standing mess he would have looked away to keep his heart from exploding in his chest, but since he figured his situation couldn’t have possibly gotten any worse, he chose to stare into soft, warm, loving pale gray. “You don’t look so great yourself, you know,” he said with a smile. “Your face is the color of Mitsuru’s hair. Maybe a little darker, actually.” Makoto looked away from him before he could even finish, eyes meeting the ground for a split second before deciding to maintain eye contact.

“Okay,” he managed through a quiet, shaky breath. “But I literally thought you were going to fall over. So I think I’m doing better than you here.” Again, he wasn’t necessarily wrong. Only this time, Akihiko didn’t have any ammo to fight back against him with.

“I did too, honestly,” he admitted with a self-deprecating laugh. “But that’s your fault, you know. I wasn’t ready. You didn’t even let me finish talking!” Makoto looked like he was about to make fun of him in return, probably spiraling into another childish argument that kept them stuck here for another hour, but instead, he took a shaky breath in and out.

“Are you ready now?” He was clearly trying his hardest to sound cool and confident, but he was failing in that regard. His voice was as nervous and shaky as it had been before, and the loving, warm look in his eyes had turned into something more shy and flustered.

“H-Huh?” Akihiko knew what Makoto was asking. Knew what that question was implying. But he still couldn’t process it, because that meant Makoto was asking to do this again without Akihiko himself having to make a move, and that sounded way too good to be true. But, then again, wasn’t that true for everything that had happened over the past few hours? Wasn’t this all too good to be true? So how was Makoto asking to kiss him again any different to that?

“I asked if you were ready,” he stated simply, still not providing any more context to his question. Akihiko knew it deep in his heart, of course, but confirmation would still be nice. “Then you can’t use that excuse.”

“I—” Was he ready? Would he ever be ready? Ideally, he would chug an entire water bottle and slam his fists against a punching bag to get his energy out before considering himself ‘ready,’ but he didn’t exactly have the resources to do any of that right now. And sitting back down to calm himself would likely result in them being stuck here for even longer, something that Akihiko really didn’t want to risk, so he supposed he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, picturing himself as anywhere and everywhere except for where he was. About to step into the boxing ring, in the entrance of Tartarus, running into Shinjiro in that back alley for the thousandth time, the list went on. Because somehow, as stupid as it felt, all of those situations made him feel less nervous than this one did. “I’m ready, yeah,” he forced out as he opened his eyes. Makoto was smiling at him, gentle and warm and natural, and it was in that moment that he knew he truly was ready. He’d never been more ready for anything in his life, actually.

“Okay.” Makoto looked him up and down, setting his shopping bag on the sidewalk as he brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. He didn’t move the hand that was interlocked with Akihiko’s, though, instead brushing his thumb against his knuckle in a way that made his heart skip a beat in his chest. Every second passed like an hour, with Akihiko waiting in anticipation for Makoto to just lean in already, but strangely enough, that moment never seemed to come. His previous confidence seemed to have dissipated, with him staring up at Akihiko motionlessly, and he decided to investigate.

“Are you ready?” His question was only half-teasing, wondering genuinely for a moment if Makoto himself was chickening out of his own suggestion.

“Y-Yeah.” His eyes said otherwise, though, with the way they seemed to be looking everywhere except for Akihiko’s. “I just— I dunno. You’re making me feel things. Stop making me feel things.” There that was again. Did Makoto really love him so much that it was making him feel things he’d never felt before, or was he simply exaggerating? Akihiko didn’t know, and perhaps he never would, but either way, that thought was hard for him to process. He alone was the only person that could make Makoto feel this way, at least as far as he knew. Only he got to see Makoto all nervous and flushed like this, and that realization made him feel like he was going to melt from the inside. This side of Makoto was all his, and it would be that way for the rest of time.

“Good things?” Akihiko’s smile grew to a brighter one, gently stroking Makoto's knuckle with his thumb.

“No. I hate you, clearly.” Akihiko didn’t like how he genuinely believed that for a moment, the sarcasm in Makoto’s voice blending into his normal voice. “Obviously they’re good things. They’re just… too loud.” He didn’t seem too confident in his own wording, standing idly in thought for a moment trying to come up with something better, before giving in. “Yeah. You make my feelings too loud.”

“I make your feelings too loud?” Despite his initial confusion, Akihiko weirdly enough partially understood what he meant by that. He wasn’t sure if ‘loud’ was the best way to describe it, but he could relate in a way. Makoto made him feel too much, made his feelings too intense, made him feel like his legs were going to buckle underneath him from just smiling or holding his hand. It wasn’t a bad feeling by any means, being quite literally the exact opposite, but it did tend to make him feel like he was going to melt into the ground from just how warm and overwhelmed it made him feel. “It makes you feel overwhelmed, right? Just in a good way?”

“Mhm.” Makoto nodded. Looks like they were both in the same boat, then. Akihiko didn’t know whether to feel relieved that he wasn’t alone, or laugh at the fact that they both loved each other to the point of hardly being able to function after a kiss. “Guess that was a better way to put it.”

“Maybe, but I like your description too. It definitely does feel ‘too loud’ at times.” Makoto laughed, and though it was more of a nose exhale than anything, Akihiko’s traitorous heart still skipped a beat in his chest. “So, are you, um… ready?” He nearly cringed at the way he said it, still somehow too embarrassed to say the word kiss out loud, but he didn’t focus on that; He didn’t really have room to focus on anything except for the fact that he was about to kiss Makoto again.

“Probably.” His answer didn’t inspire much confidence, but Akihiko wasn’t going to waste another second by pressing any further. “Let’s do it on a count of three.”

“Isn’t that a little childish?” He laughed quietly at the suggestion, but the more he thought about it, the better of an idea it became to him.

“Do you have a better idea that won’t result in one of us collapsing?” …Fair point. With how nervous and flustered both of them were, he had a feeling that someone would end up with a heart rate above the human limit unless they perfectly choreographed this. Hell, Akihiko was pretty sure that was going to happen regardless of how well they timed this, but at least this preparation could help lessen the effects. He was excited for the day where they could just kiss each other without having to spend twenty minutes talking about it first, but for now, he’d much prefer this drawn-out process to having one of them end up being unable to breathe.

“...No, not really.” There was almost definitely a less childish, less embarrassing way to go about this, but Akihiko’s brain was way too scrambled to think of one right now. And, besides, it wasn’t like anyone besides the two of them had to know about it. He was almost certain that he’d get teased by his dormmates for this if they found out, but unless Kotone managed to blackmail Makoto into admitting it, which was more of a possibility than Akihiko would have liked, this was going to stay between the two of them.

“Mhm.” Akihiko expected him to have some sort of mischievous smile, something telling him ‘I told you so’ without explicitly saying it, but instead, Makoto wore no clear expression. His eyes were laser-focused on Akihiko’s own, holding a look of nervous excitement if Akihiko focused hard enough, though he didn’t seem to notice he was staring. It was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one that had a tendency to stare, though he doubted his own eyes were anywhere near as beautiful as Makoto’s. “Sorry,” he said as he shook his head, having evidently noticed he’d been staring. Akihiko wondered if the bright smile that had crept onto his face had caused Makoto to come to his senses. “One…” He started counting almost immediately after his apology, probably to distract Akihiko from his previous action, he realized a bit too late.

“Hey!” If that really was Makoto’s intention, it worked. Akihiko had almost completely forgotten about Makoto’s staring—an amazing feat considering just how often those grey eyes burrowed their way into the deepest corners of Akihiko’s mind—and was now entirely focused on the fact that he was already counting down. “The point of doing this was to make sure we’re both prepared. Starting without me kinda defeats the purpose, y’know.”

“Two…” Makoto made direct eye contact as he continued, the bastard, almost as if he was trying to challenge him. He counted exceptionally slowly, though, as if he truly did want to make sure Akihiko was ready for this despite his teasing. He would have found that sweet, but the annoyance of Makoto trying to to distract him in the first place lessened its impact.

“Okay, no, screw this. We’re starting over.” Akihiko took a deep breath, eyes darting all around before finally landing back on Makoto’s. It was beyond embarrassing that they even had to do this in the first place, but it would be even more embarrassing if he still wasn’t ready after going through all of this. So he did his best to calm himself down, even knowing that he’d never truly be calm because he was about to kiss Makoto Yuki, and made sure that he could at least feel his face before starting a countdown of his own.

“One…” He started cautiously, a small wave of embarrassment flooding through him, though it was largely replaced by a feeling of nervous excitement. Makoto blinked at him slowly, almost looking as if he was going to start complaining and send them spiraling into yet another argument, but he instead took a sharp breath in and out.

“Two.” Makoto couldn’t fully keep his eyes on Akihiko as he counted, and Akihiko found it equally adorable as he did reassuring. They both shot each other a quick glance of confirmation that they both truly were prepared for this, before another petty argument started and they wound up staying here for another hour, and though none of them said a word, the look of pure love and determination in Makoto’s eyes was more than enough confirmation for him. This was it. It was finally going to happen, and Akihiko was ready this time. He could actually focus his attention on the kiss rather than the burning sensation flooding through his body. Focus his attention on how impossibly warm and perfect everything felt rather than trying not to collapse onto the sidewalk. Focus on Makoto rather than himself.

“Three,” they said in sync, voices louder than perhaps they should have been for how late it was, even despite the nervousness clearly flooding through both of them. Each millisecond passed like hours, both stalling in order to not have to make the first move, but Akihiko was sure that this nervousness would pass.

…

Neither of them moved. Not an inch. Just stayed staring at each other like two deers in headlights, both apparently too anxious to even take a single step forward.

“I give up,” Makoto mumbled under his breath, taking a step backwards with a somewhat frustrated smile tugging at his lips.

“You say that like it’s not your fault too.” Makoto rolled his eyes, his small smile being the only thing keeping Akihiko from thinking he was genuinely upset. “You started counting without me and still chickened out. I’d say that’s on you.” Akihiko conveniently decided to ignore the fact that he had also been too much of a coward to take even a single step forward, despite having also counted in sync. He usually tried to avoid being a hypocrite as best as he could, but with how much Makoto had played with his heart today, he decided to let this one slip for once.

“Shut up,” was all he could say in response, and Akihiko knew he’d won. “‘S both of our faults. I think we’re both bad at this.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Akihiko wasn’t ashamed to admit that. Maybe he should have been, because he doubted that admitting to his new boyfriend that he was almost comically bad at romance was much of a selling point, but this was Makoto he was talking to. Not only was he not the greatest at dealing with these feelings either, (Makoto’s words, not his) but around him, and after everything they'd already confessed to each other, Akihiko felt like he could admit anything. Sure, he’d probably get teased for some of it, but he knew Makoto would never sincerely mock him for… well, anything, really. He felt safe around Makoto, in just about every sense of the word. So, yeah, he was terrible at dealing with romantic feelings and probably would be for the foreseeable future, and he wasn’t afraid to admit that.

“Well, I guess we should get going, then.” Makoto grabbed his shopping bag off of the bench, slinging it weakly over his shoulder. Akihiko was shocked that he still even remembered that stupid thing with everything that had happened, but that wasn’t what surprised him the most.

“Wait, we're just going to leave?” How ironic. An hour ago Akihiko was begging Makoto to come back to the dorms with him, and now it seemed to be the exact opposite. Still, Akihiko couldn’t help himself. This night had been an emotional rollercoaster for him, giving him some of the highest highs and lowest lows of his life, and to end all of it on... that?  Without even making another attempt? It didn’t sit right with him in the slightest.

“You met the terms of our agreement.” Akihiko wasn’t sure, but he had a suspicion that Makoto had phrased it like that to avoid directly saying that they had kissed. Weird, considering that he’d had no problem saying it earlier; was Akihiko's own shyness rubbing off on him? “Why do you want to stay here so bad all of a sudden? You were ready to drag me home a minute ago.” Because you can’t just kiss me and expect me to just walk back to the dorms like nothing happened! But Akihiko didn’t say that. Not because he didn’t want to, because believe him, he tried, but, of course, his brain-to-mouth connection had been all but severed from the emotional rollercoaster he was riding.

“Because— You— I—!! You can’t just—” Makoto laughed to himself—quietly, though still louder than he typically did—and Akihiko decided that this was enough. Screw this, he realized as a certain mischievous thought raised its way to the forefront of his mind. Screw the countdowns, screw not being able to articulate his feelings out loud, screw all of this. He was going to get his kiss one way or another, show Makoto how much he loved him one way or another. He took a step closer to Makoto, nervousness taking a backseat for once in exchange for a sudden burst of confidence. It was almost a foreign feeling, not being flooded with anxiety at even the thought of something of this caliber, but it wasn’t a bad one by any means. He was sure it would hit him later, hopefully after their kiss rather than causing him to chicken out again, but for now, he enjoyed his sudden burst of confidence. Makoto’s eyes widened as he moved forward, apparently having already connected the dots, though within those eyes, Akihiko spotted a certain look of challenge. ‘I dare you,’ they said, a statement backed up by a playful smile. Makoto clearly didn’t think he actually had the confidence to do what he was going to, and Akihiko didn’t exactly blame him for that thought. Even he himself didn’t exactly have much confidence that he actually had the strength and willpower to do this, but Makoto’s doubt only made him want to go through with it even more.

The anxiety fully hit him sooner than he would have liked. This time, it wasn’t a wave of worst-case scenarios—By this point, Akihiko was certain Makoto would still love him no matter how royally he screwed this up—it was a plain, simple wave of holy shit, he was about to kiss Makoto. Distantly, Akihiko wondered if the shock of that would ever wear off. If he’d ever get used to the fact that Makoto was his boyfriend, or if he’d be living in disbelief of it for the rest of his life. He supposed he wouldn’t mind too much either way, though it would get annoying very quickly if he had to deal with this much emotion every time he so much as neared Makoto.

Deep breaths. That was all he needed to do. Just take deep breaths, and try to ignore the fact that Makoto looked like he was trying to hold back laughter. This was going to be fine because he couldn’t possibly screw this up. What was there to screw up, anyway, other than chickening out? He just had to lean in, right? His nervousness wasn’t helped by the fact that his only kissing experience had come from about ten minutes ago in which he had been too shocked to breathe, let alone actually learn anything, but he doubted someone as reserved as Makoto had much experience with this either. Deep breaths. His hands shook as he closed the remaining distance between them, feeling once again as if his heart was going to burst through his chest, until, finally, he had overcome his cowardice.

He was doing it. He was kissing Makoto, and it was of his own initiation this time.

Like almost everything else that had happened this evening, it almost didn’t feel real. Every one of his senses were clouded with a dream-like filter, as if this was something straight out of the ending of a fairytale or something equally picturesque. Their lips met like a puzzle that had been laying incomplete for years or something cheesy like that, and despite the fact that Akihiko had been the one to initiate it, he still found himself overwhelmed by the sensation. And even though the rest of his body seemed to be convinced that this was all a dream, his heart and mind knew that, somehow, against all odds, this was his reality.

It felt different than the first time they kissed. It was so overwhelmingly different that it was almost a completely separate experience entirely, actually, spearheaded by the fact that Akihiko could actually feel his limbs this time. His heart was still racing, of course, and he could hardly hear his own thoughts above the sound of it pounding in his ears, but he was still much more prepared than he had been last time. He could pay attention to Makoto rather than himself, and that made all the difference. Akihiko didn’t exactly have the willpower to close his eyes despite knowing that he probably should have, and Makoto seemed much too shocked to do the same himself. He seemed completely stunned, in fact, with his face being about five shades darker than Mitsuru’s hair as he stared at Akihiko like he’d just stabbed him in the chest. Akihiko had never seen Makoto this shocked and flustered before, which was equally satisfying as it was overwhelming because he looked so cute like this and it was Akihiko that had done this to him. Akihiko had to close his eyes at that point from the sheer amount of warmth flooding through his body—he was about five seconds away from his legs turning to gelatin again— though the image of Makoto’s bright red shocked face stayed at the forefront of his mind.

It was over sooner than he would have liked, Akihiko realized as the two parted, breathing so heavily he looked as if he’d just finished the toughest boxing match of his life. He said that as if he wasn’t the one to pull away, but, really, he wasn’t sure how much more of this his heart could take. It wasn’t even a particularly long kiss, yet his entire body still felt like it had been boiled alive. He wanted more, but he wasn’t sure if putting his body through hell would be worth it for a second of selfish desire. Plus, Makoto looked significantly worse than he did, and if the fact that he didn’t seem to be blinking or breathing was anything to go by, he couldn’t take much more of this either.

Those weren’t the main reasons, though. They had all the time in the world, Akihiko had to remind himself. He didn’t need to overwhelm himself with everything all at once; this wasn’t some sort of dream where all of their progress would evaporate into dust by the morning. They were together now, and once these final full-moon Shadows were taken care of, he would have as much time as he could ever want to dedicate to Makoto and their relationship. They had time, and he didn’t need to rush everything. They had time.

“Fuckyou.” Were the first words out of Makoto’s mouth. Well, words wasn’t exactly the best way to put it— it was more of a single jumbled phrase spat out and punctuated with the sound of heavy breathing.

“Now you know how it feels.” Akihiko laughed softly to himself, and even that seemed to make him more flustered. He didn’t think that was even possible, but, then again, he didn’t think any of this was supposed to be possible.

“I—” He cut himself off, brows furrowed with something between frustration and amusement. “I’ll get you back for this. Eventually.” He still wasn’t making eye contact as he interlocked their fingers together, using his spare hand to pick up the bag he had dropped in his shock, and, finally, Akihiko was ready for them to leave. At this point he wouldn’t have exactly minded spending another hour or two here, the concept of time lost to them as they talked until early hours of the morning, but, again, they had all the time in the world. He didn’t need to hold onto the high of his feelings when he could experience the same thing day after day. And, besides, he shouldn’t be hogging Makoto like this anyway. He was certain the rest of SEES were worried sick about him, and with all of the irresponsible decisions Akihiko had made today, the worst of those would be keeping Makoto here and not giving his friends confirmation that he was safe and well.

“That’s something to look forward to, then.” Makoto smiled up at him, and as small and nearly invisible as it was, it made Akihiko’s heart melt as per usual. With Makoto’s hand in his they finally began walking in the direction of the dorms, though their pace was significantly slower than it had been on their way to the mall. It didn’t seem that Makoto was quite ready to let go of this moment either, and Akihiko didn’t blame him for that in the slightest.

“You say that now,” Makoto said with a vaguely mischievous glance, and, though he knew he’d likely regret it in the future, that only made Akihiko more excited for what the future held.

“Whatever it is, as long as it’s with you, I don’t mind.” Perhaps a little cliche, and a little embarrassing to admit out loud, but it was the truth. They’d shared so much with each other over this eventful evening that there was nothing left to feel truly embarrassed about, and Makoto’s widening smile as he admitted it was more than enough to make it all worth it.

“I really, really love you,” Makoto admitted merely seconds after Akihiko’s own confession, staring directly up into his eyes. His voice was louder and much more pronounced than it typically was— as if he was stating this to the world.

“I love you too.” Akihiko’s heart burned as he spoke, but not from nervousness or embarrassment this time. It was an overwhelming sense of love and affection, and a warm sense of happiness that he could finally say the words that had been trapped inside his mind for so long without fear or embarrassment. “I love you so much. It’s so nice to finally be able to say that. To myself, and to you.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Makoto laughed quietly to himself as the two walked towards the bright, shining moon. Really, it was unfair just how beautiful he looked underneath the moonlight. Makoto looked beautiful in general, obviously, but something about the way the moonlight reflected off of him amplified that immensely. Akihiko couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips, and that seemed to influence Makoto to give a smile of his own. He still looked somewhat shy about it, as if his smile was anything but the brightest, most beautiful thing in the world, but he was still making eye contact as he smiled, which, although small, was a detail that didn’t slip Akihiko’s mind. “Didn’t think I’d ever be saying most of this stuff out loud. I feel like I should be more embarrassed about it, but I dunno. I don’t think I have room to feel embarrassed over everything else.”

“I feel the same, sort of.” While Akihiko had certainly felt his fair share of embarrassment concerning today’s emotional rollercoaster, he could relate to the idea of not being able to feel it over the wave of other emotions. “It’ll hit me soon, I think. Hopefully after I wake up so I can get some sleep. Though I doubt I’ll be able to sleep anyway, after all of this.” He squeezed Makoto’s hand gently, slowing his pace even further as he affectionately ruffled his hair with his spare hand. “Speaking of that, you better go straight to bed when we get back. You still need to rest, you know. And it could really do you some good to get your sleeping schedule back in order.”

“I’ll think about it.” Makoto’s tone indicated that he would, in fact, not do any amount of thinking about it, probably staying up until ungodly hours of the morning on his laptop like he always seemed to, but Akihiko tried to ignore that for his own sake. If he had any more confidence he would have asked Makoto to sleep with him in his bed like they were initially going to, but, after everything that had already happened today, his heart didn’t need any more additional stress. Plus, he was certain that they would be bombarded with questions and accusations if they dared to share a bed after sneaking out like this, and while that was something Akihiko could tolerate, albeit with annoyance, he didn’t want to put that pressure on someone as quiet as Makoto.

“You better.” Akihiko tried to make his tone come across as threatening, but, of course, it didn’t. He was pretty sure Makoto wouldn’t take any threat against him seriously, anyhow, with everything they had confessed to each other tonight, but he had to at least make an attempt.

“I said I’d think about it,” Makoto quipped back as they turned into the all-too familiar sidewalk leading up to the dorms. Were they seriously there already? Even with their slowed pace, the walk home had gone by significantly faster than Akihiko had expected it to. A part of him still wasn’t quite ready to let go yet, still wanting to live underneath the bright, dream-like world illuminated by the moon, but he knew he had to let go eventually. They had all the time in the world, he had to remind himself. There was nothing stopping each and every night for the rest of their lives from feeling like this. “You’re lucky you got that much. If it was anyone else I would've just told them to mind their own business.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You still really should get some rest, though. There’s no telling what side-effects that spell could’ve had.” Mere seconds passed before they were standing in front of the set of familiar doors, neither moving an inch as they reached the top of the stairs and looked anxiously to the future in front of them.

“Fine,” Makoto agreed reluctantly, staring through the glass at the crowded lobby inside. They must not have noticed them standing there yet, and that was definitely for the best— Akihiko wanted just one last moment alone with Makoto before facing the ramifications of his irresponsible actions. “But only because it's you. Dunno if I’ll actually be able to sleep, but I’ll try.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep either.” Akihiko’s gaze shifted from the pair of doors back over to Makoto, who in turn looked to him as well. “You did a number on me. It’s going to be difficult to calm myself down enough to go to sleep after all of that.”

“Yeah,” Makoto agreed breathlessly. “You did seem pretty worked up back there. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you that flustered before.” Akihiko’s eyes shifted right back to the doors in front of him, partially to keep an eye out for anyone that noticed them through the glass, and partially to prevent Makoto from noticing the way his cheeks burned red at the comment.

“Are you ready to go inside?” Akihiko asked somewhat abruptly. Though a part of him still wasn’t ready for this moment to end, a larger part of him was eager to lie down and reflect on everything that had gone down over the past few hours. Maybe then it would fully hit him that this was all real and not some cruel dream, because as of now, there was a small part of him that still couldn’t believe it.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He gave Akihiko an affirming nod before they stepped forward together, raising their arms to the set of doors with bated breath.

“I really, really love you,” Akihiko mumbled quietly as his arm grabbed hold of the door’s handle. If the atmosphere around them wasn’t so quiet his voice would have been completely lost to the wind, but with the entire world asleep, Makoto heard him loud and clear.

“I love you too.” Makoto took a shaky breath as he began to pull on the door, eyes focusing on the lobby inside with a sort of nervous excitement that Akihiko felt in his bones. “‘M sorry it took so long to tell you.”

“I’m sorry it took so long to tell you.” The doors were cracked open now, and through the small opening, Akihiko could make out a few faces. Junpei and Yukari seemed to be arguing about something, Kotone was giggling at something on her phone, and Mitsuru was frustratedly typing away at what was probably a message to himself or Makoto. Seeing his friend’s faces made this all feel significantly more real to him, the fact that he was going to have to somehow explain their sudden outing without confessing the truth of the situation finally hitting him, but, strangely enough, Akihiko didn’t feel an ounce of fear within him. He was… excited, weirdly enough. Excited to get this all over with, excited to see what excuses he and Makoto could come up with, excited for the day where they both felt confident enough to admit the truth of their relationship to their friends. “I was an idiot for not realizing this sooner. It could have saved us both a huge headache.”

“It’s no problem.” Makoto gently pulled on the door, deliberately not using his full strength to open it. It seemed that he still wasn’t quite ready to let go of the moment. “I think it’s both of our faults. We’re both just bad at this, I think. We seem to both be bad at a lot of things.”

“Yeah,” Akihiko said with a small laugh. They did share a lot of similar flaws, and through their newfound relationship, they had a chance to work on them together. He analyzed Makoto’s movements carefully, about to tease him for being too nervous to open the door, before he realized that he was doing the exact same thing, embarassingly. “Count of three?” He suggested as a method to get them to both bite the bullet and open the damn thing, praying desperately that it would be more of a success than last time.

“Yeah.” Makoto smiled. “Count of three.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

The door swung open effortlessly, with so much force that it slammed against the wall and alerted everyone in the lobby of their arrival, and with it, the pair stepped inside and walked into their bright, hopeful future. After all, they had all the time in the world to spend with one another.

All the time in the world.