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The war was over. Jahad and his followers had been defeated. In the years following, the Tower ushered in a new era of peace with Wangnan as its King, and his friends as his trusted advisors. It took some time, but eventually there came a moment where Bam found himself truly free. No wars to fight. No Tests to pass. No political games or advisory meetings to attend. No, every new day that came was a day of blissful, relaxing nothing.
And then he went and got sick, and Khun was the cause of it.
*****
The 140th Floor was almost nothing but open sky. Floating islands hidden among the clouds were scattered throughout the floor. On a particularly small sky island about half a day’s airship ride from the warp gate, sat a rather spacious house. This was the house Bam and his friends bought to use as their official team “home.”
It was quite chaotic having all of them under the same roof but fun nonetheless. Steadily though, the home’s number of residents dwindled as everyone went off to do their own thing. Team Sweet and Sour staying on the 135th Floor’s palace to support their King; Endorsi touring the Tower as a famous idol and fashion icon; Shibisu building orphanages in the Middle Area with Anaak and Hatz; and of course, Rak wandering the Tower in search of more “prey” to hunt.
Eventually, it was just Bam and Khun left. Khun still helped Wangnan with some everyday government stuff, but he could do so remotely. And Bam… he was happy just having some well-earned peace and quiet. The wave controller had made it quite clear that he no longer wanted to be a figurehead for people’s ideals, nor did he want to act as some kind of physical enforcer of peace. He was quite satisfied with fading into the background to live quietly. Moreover, he got to spend every day Khun now, without having to worry about their lives being in danger for once. It was lovely just being in the light bearer’s company, having meals together, goofing around in the backyard, watching bad soap operas in the den, and so on.
One morning, something happened. Something innocuous that somehow spiralled into an all-encompassing, debilitating illness. Bam woke up and trudged down to the kitchen as usual. Stifling a yawn, he blearily looked around the kitchen to find Khun already there, leaning on the counter in rumpled pajamas and a pastel shawl Bam had gotten him last Christmas. The light bearer’s hair was mussed and sticking up oddly. He clutched a mug of coffee, his hands half-covered by the too-long sleeves of his shirt. His eyes were half-closed, still struggling to wake up and face the day.
Khun yawned and blinked up at Bam. With the soft light of the early morning sun trickling in behind him, he smiled. An achingly gentle, sleepy smile as he said, in a voice still hoarse from sleep, “Good morning, Bam.”
Bam’s heart flipped in his chest. “G-Good morning,” he murmured back as he gazed at the man in front of him. At that moment, only one thought flooded Bam’s mind: He’s beautiful.
“I made you some coffee,” Khun hummed as he sat down at the dining table. Bam copied his movements in a daze, still focused on the beauty in front of him. He took a few cursory sips of his drink, unable to tear his gaze away.
Khun noticed, and his lips quirked up in a small smile. “Something on my face?”
“Huh? Oh, n-no,” Bam stammered, forcing himself to focus on the steaming brew in his hands. He took a couple more sips before saying quickly, “I’ll get started on breakfast.”
He busied himself by whisking together some eggs and herbs, waiting for the frying pan to heat up. He wondered what that was just now, the funny way his heart suddenly skipped a beat. He snuck a glance back towards Khun. The light bearer had pulled open his lighthouse screens, squinting before digging out a pair of glasses from his shirt pocket. He slipped them on and skimmed through his messages.
So handsome, Bam thought. Khun always looks so handsome in glasses. Ah! There it was again - his heart did another flip. A faint fluttery sensation swirled in his gut. He quickly turned back to the crackling pan and poured in the eggs. Very strange.
*****
Even though they’d managed to uncover the secrets of the Family Heads and the Jahad family, some things in the Tower remained a mystery. Like why there were thousands of channels available on TV but nothing interesting to watch. Such was the dilemma Bam found himself in as he boredly flicked through the channels for something remotely entertaining.
“Ugh, so annoying,” Khun grumbled as he stomped in from his study and flopped down onto the couch beside Bam.
“The meeting didn’t go well?” the wave controller asked sympathetically.
“It was a complete waste of time. An hour of aimless chatter that could’ve been settled over a few emails,” Khun griped. He dropped his head onto the brunette’s lap and Bam’s heart skipped around nervously. Again? he thought, taken aback by the sensation. Not only was his heart going crazy, his stomach decided to join in by twisting and turning.
“What’re you watching?” Khun asked, rolling to face the screen and pulling Bam’s arm towards his chest so that he could snuggle against it.
“Umm,” Bam said weakly, feeling his hands getting clammy. He glanced up at the TV. It looked like he’d stopped on a documentary about orange harvesting. “Orange harvesting I guess.”
“Riveting,” Khun said sarcastically as he gestured for Bam to give him the remote. “How about we watch that drama you started recently?” He punched in the number of the appropriate channel.
“I thought you weren’t interested in it. You called it ‘cliché’,” Bam said, trying hard not to panic because Oh lord, Khun is lying in my lap! The most beautiful man in the Tower is lying in my lap!
Khun snorted. “After that meeting, a couple of hours of mindless melodrama is exactly what I need.”
“Hmm,” Bam went, too distracted by the butterflies in his stomach to notice how Khun essentially insulted his new favourite show. As if in a trance, he reached out and ran a trembling hand through the light bearer’s silky hair. Khun hummed contentedly and tingles ran through Bam’s body. Bam couldn’t recall a single thing that happened in the show afterwards.
*****
Though he’d considered it a blessing to have the house to himself with just Khun, the nervous, flustered energy bubbling inside him from being in close proximity to the light bearer was starting to feel overwhelming. Bam figured he had to do something to get that energy out. He decided to go flying.
He couldn’t remember the last time he used his wings outside of battle. But now that he was up in the clouds, soaring through the open skies without fear of getting attacked, he reveled in the sensation of freedom. He zipped between small sky islands, even playfully skimming his hand across the water’s surface as he soared over floating lakes. Suddenly, it felt like he could breathe again, his head clearer than it has been for the last few days.
He eventually circled back to their home island, hovering high above the house as he took in the setting sun. Since a horizon didn’t really exist here, it was quite the sight to see the sun slowly sink under the clouds below them. Bam gasped in surprise as something suddenly crashed into his side.
“Bam!” A pair of familiar arms wrapped around him tightly, Bam spinning in the air from the momentum.
“H-Huh? Khun?” he stuttered, hands automatically landing on the other’s waist.
The light bearer grinned. “Of course, who else would it be?” The bluenette’s own wings flickered behind him, slim and elegant just like the person they belonged to.
In the soft orange glow, Khun looked absolutely ethereal. The way his hair shimmered as it swayed in the slight breeze, the pink blush on his cheeks from the brisk air… And he was so close, Bam could see specks of sunlight dance across the depths of those mesmerizing blue eyes. How was it that Khun managed to steal his breath away so easily? His heart beat wildly, the butterflies in his stomach worked up in a complete frenzy. If not for his wings, he would've collapsed from his legs turning into jelly.
“Bam…” Khun said fondly as he tucked a strand of brown hair behind the wave controller’s ear.
“Yes?” he said breathlessly as his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned in closer. A loud growl snapped them out of their bubble - Bam’s stomach, making its presence known.
Khun laughed as heat flooded the wave controller’s face. He took the brunette’s hands in his. “Let’s go back. I made kimbap for dinner.”
Bam didn’t think he would be keep anything down right now, not with the way his stomach was busy doing somersaults. But Khun rarely made dinner so he just nodded and gave the light bearer’s hands a squeeze as they headed down. (And when he found out that Khun had somehow melted his favourite rice cooker, Bam couldn’t help but find it hopelessly endearing.)
*****
He knew what this was, of course. A crush. The signs were all there. But he had to wonder why it had to happen now of all times. He’d thought he was far too old to feel something so embarrassingly childish. And why with Khun, whom Bam had known for years and years and had surely gotten used to his beauty and smarts and surprisingly doting nature and… Ugh . There he goes again, thoughts empty except for Khun.
Unable to sleep, he rolled out of bed and stepped out onto the balcony. Sighing deeply, he wondered what he should do. Whenever he was faced with a problem, he would normally go to Khun for help. But what to do when Khun was the cause of this problem? Bam supposed he could just come outright and say it - Khun, I think I have a crush on you . But he could already imagine how the light bearer would react; probably laugh and tell him he was being silly, and it would make things even worse because Khun was absolutely gorgeous when he laughed and then–
Bam groaned and slumped against the railing in defeat. “Bam?” A pair of warm arms slipped around his waist and Bam felt his heart nearly leap out of his chest.
“What’s wrong?” Khun murmured sleepily as he rested his head against the wave controller’s shoulder. “Did you have a bad dream again?”
“Something like that,” Bam mumbled, throat suddenly dry. He rested his hands atop the light bearer’s. “But I’m okay now. I just needed some fresh air.”
Khun shifted their hands around so he could tangle their fingers together. He gave Bam’s hands a squeeze, the wave controller's heart squeezing in return as bubbles filled his veins. “That’s good. Come back to bed, it’s cold.”
“You’re saying that as if you haven’t stolen all the blankets again?” Bam chuckled. He eyed the pile of covers stacked on Khun’s side of the bed as the light bearer led him inside.
“I have no idea how that happened,” Khun said shamelessly as they got back in bed. The light bearer made to lie on Bam’s chest when the brunette stopped him. Khun raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“Uh, like this! Like this tonight please!” Bam stammered as he got Khun to lie down first before resting his head on the bluenette’s chest. If they’d laid down the other way, Khun would surely notice the crazy beating of his heart.
Khun laughed softly before pulling the blankets over them and giving Bam a gentle kiss on the forehead the way he usually did whenever the wave controller had nightmares. Bam hardly slept, submerged in an ocean of frantic butterflies and Khun’s heavenly warmth.
*****
He decided to avoid Khun after that, unable to bear the sensation of drowning whenever he was around him. He made up an excuse about heading down to the palace for something.
“I can go with you,” Khun offered.
“No!” Bam shouted, heart clenching as he watched Khun’s face crumple in disappointment and hurt. “No, I mean–” he said more gently. “It won’t be for very long, you don’t need to bother with it.”
Bam knew that Khun knew that there was more going on. But the light bearer didn’t argue. He just mumbled a quiet, “Have a safe trip,” and went back to his room without another word. Part of Bam wanted to run up after him, to throw himself at his feet and beg for forgiveness. But he had to have these feelings of his sorted out first. He’d make it up to Khun later.
Bam lasted a little over a day away from Khun before something else grew alongside his crush; a feeling of desperate loneliness and yearning to be back by his light bearer’s side. Despite being with his other friends, the desire to run back home plagued him.
“Did you and Khun get into a fight or something?” Wangnan asked that evening while they and the others sat around having dinner.
Bam shook his head. “Not at all. We’re as good as we’ve ever been. But lately…” His eyes darted around the table nervously. “Guys, I need some advice.”
“We’re happy to help however we can,” said Goseng as Horyang passed her a cup of tea.
“So, um, I think I…” Bam gulped nervously. “I think I have a crush on Khun? Like I can’t stop thinking about him and it’s driving me crazy.”
There was a moment of silence before the others let out exasperated yet relieved sighs. “Geez, I thought it was going to be something scandalous, like Khun having a secret girlfriend somewhere,” Yihwa huffed.
“He would never!” Bam said indignantly.
Yihwa raised her hands in defense. “I’m kidding! I know he’s not that type of guy!”
“Have you told Khun yet?” Horyang asked.
Bam shook his head, ears turning red. “It’s just so embarrassing. I don’t know how he’ll react.”
“Knowing him, he’ll probably be over the moon,” Wangnan laughed. “Now, if you’re done making me feel single as hell, I gotta tell you guys about this new restaurant…”
Bam tuned out most of the conversations afterwards, rather disappointed that his friends didn’t have more advice as to how to deal with these feelings. Just tell him how you feel. They made it sound so simple yet the thought of doing so filled him with no shortage of panic. But later, as he lay there in the guest bedroom alone and missing the warmth of his light bearer, he finally made up his mind. I’ll do it. I’ll tell him my feelings. As much as his heart leapt around in his chest and his stomach curled at the idea, one night without Khun was one lonely night too many.
*****
Bam made it back home the following afternoon. He awkwardly shuffled in through the front door. Khun was pacing around the den in the middle of a phone call, looking quite frazzled and not his usual neat self. Instantly, Bam’s loneliness dissipated, the heat to his face, racing heart and those damn butterflies coming back in full force. God, he missed him so much. Khun turned and was taken aback by Bam’s rumpled appearance hovering there.
“I’ll call you back,” he said, quickly cutting off the call. “Bam,” he said as he hurried over to his side. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Bam pulled the other into a hug. He let out a deep sigh, Khun’s warmth blanketing him and stirring up the butterflies even worse, though he would take this any day compared to being away from the light bearer a moment longer. “I have to talk to you about something,” Bam mumbled.
Khun hugged him back, one hand gently carding through Bam’s hair. “Okay,” he said softly.
They sat down on the couch and Khun gently intertwined their fingers. He gave him a patient but concerned look. Bam stared at their connected hands, feeling guilty to have caused the light bearer to worry so much. He took a deep breath and said, “So… recently, I’ve been feeling strange.”
“You’re coming down with something, aren’t you?” Khun interjected. “I knew it. Bam, why didn’t you tell me? I knew it was too cold to go swimming that day, freaking gator–”
“No, I’m not getting sick!” Bam cut in. “At least, not in the way you’re thinking of. Please, just let me explain.”
Khun, clearly unhappy, pursed his lips and nodded.
Bam took a deep breath and continued, “Lately, I can’t seem to stop thinking about you. And every time I do, or even whenever I see you, I start to feel funny. My heart won’t stop racing, my stomach won’t stop twisting and turning, and my face keeps getting hot. Sometimes when things get really bad, I can’t even speak or think straight around you. So I thought if I went away for a little bit, these feelings would fade away into something more manageable. But all it did was make things worse because then I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I missed you.”
Bam looked up at Khun’s bewildered face. He gulped and, with a furious blush spreading all the way to his ears, he declared. “Khun! I think I have a crush on you!”
A second passed, then another. Silence filled the room save for Bam’s rapid breaths. Khun stared at him in absolute confusion. “...Did I hear that right?” he asked slowly. “You… have a crush on me?”
Bam nodded meekly.
Khun went on, “Bam. We’re married.”
“I know.”
“We’ve been married for 8 years.”
“I know,” Bam whined, burying his face in his hands. It sounded even more ridiculous when his husband stated the obvious out loud.
Khun let out a snort of laughter and pulled the wave controller into his arms. “Geez, don’t tell me you’ve only started loving me now after all this time.” He said it jokingly but Bam could see the slight falter in his easy smile.
The brunette shook his head. “Of course it’s not like that! I’ve been in love with you since the 2nd Floor and that hasn’t stopped. That’s why I’m so confused! Why am I feeling this flustered all the time after all these years? Why now?”
Loving Khun had come naturally, the line between friendship and romantic love blurred early on. When they started dating, and eventually got married, of course Bam had been ecstatic. But the core of their relationship didn’t change. Besides, they’d already acted like a couple long before those milestones so there weren’t abrupt changes to their dynamic.
As he tried to think back on all the moments they shared together, searching for any particular event where he felt this strongly, Bam realized something. The whole time they’ve known each other - the whole time they’ve loved each other - there was always something else going on. Fighting against FUG, fighting against Rachel, fighting against some Family Heads, fighting against Jahad and his forces… And even after they defeated Jahad, there was establishing the new government, quashing the remaining rebellions, signing various treaties, attending high profile political events…
Even though his heart had long figured out his love for Khun, his head had always been preoccupied with matters of different consequence. But now that all those extraneous circumstances have been dealt with, it seemed his mind now had plenty of time to fully appreciate that holy shit, I’m married to the most beautiful and amazing person in the world. All those feelings of love that had been muffled by other worries now had free reign to go wild and wreak havoc on Bam’s sanity.
When Bam explained his theory to Khun, the bluenette hummed and rested his head against Bam’s shoulder. “Could be,” he said as the wave controller’s stomach did another flip.
“What do I do now?” Bam sighed. “I feel like I’m going crazy. I can’t keep acting like a complete disaster around you all the time.”
“I don’t know, I think it’s kind of cute,” Khun teased.
“Khun!” the wave controller pouted.
“Just kidding, Bam,” Khun laughed as he playfully patted Bam’s cheek. “If it makes you feel any better, I get the same feelings from time to time.”
“What, really?” Bam asked, surprised. His husband always looked so composed though.
Khun nodded. “There was that time you were showing off your new apron. You were so cute, I almost stopped breathing for a second. Or that time I walked in on you dancing to a song on the radio and you pulled me in to join you. I couldn’t stop smiling for hours afterwards. Oh, and don’t get me started on when we went flying together the other day. Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look in the sunset? I could’ve sworn my face was so red, I was surprised you didn’t notice.”
“O-Oh.” Khun had said it so casually and it made Bam feel kind of flustered in a pleased way.
“But I don’t like to think of it as a crush,” Khun continued. “Crushes fade over time. I prefer to think of it as… me falling in love with you over and over again.” And then he grinned, cheeks lightly pink as a rare open smile graced his face.
Bam couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him, his heart swelling as it sang his husband’s name with every beat, the butterflies in his stomach practically swooning. “I like the sound of that much better,” he agreed. “But I would also like to go back to loving you without feeling like a total mess.”
With a playful glint in his eyes, the light bearer said, “Reciprocation tends to help speed the process along.”
“Reciprocation?”
Khun leaned forward and kissed him, a slow, tender press that left Bam in a daze when he pulled away. “Like that,” he chuckled. “Did it help?”
“I think you made it worse,” Bam whined, red all the way to his fingertips. His heart pounded wildly as it begged for more.
“Really now?” Khun pulled up his lighthouse screen and closed a bunch of tabs. “It looks like the rest of my day is suddenly clear. We have time to keep working at it.”
“Good,” Bam huffed. He lay down on the couch and pulled the light bearer on top of him. “Because this was all your fault to begin with. My stupidly handsome husband, you need to take responsibility for driving me crazy.”
“Yes, yes, of course,” Khun laughed as Bam surged up to meet his lips again. They kissed the rest of the afternoon away.