Archive of Our Own

Gerard had been in his house for most of the day. His house was in New Jersey. He has just moved four months ago out of his parents house. He now lives alone besides the occasional visit from either Mikey, Frank, or Ray, it was mostly Mikey though. Gerard was sitting on his couch, watching TV and drawing. His days were mostly like this. He didn't do much. It surprised it him when his phone rang. Of course, him being who he is, his phone blurted Welcome To Paradise, by one of his favorite bands, Green Day. Gerard looked at the number on the phone. He didn't recognize the number at all. He hesitantly answered it.
"Hello?" Gerard spoke into the phone with concern.
"Hello," The female voice spoke. "Am I speaking with Gerard Way?" She asked nicely.
"Y-yeah, that's me." Gerard said awkwardly. "Uh, who are you?"
"I am nurse Jackson from Belleville hospital and I need to inform you that your brother Micheal is in our care at the moment." Gerard eyes widen.
"W-why?" Gerard's eyes widen with worry.
"He was in a car crash. He was hit by a semi truck and he is in critical condition." She spoke. Gerard could tell by her voice that she felt bad telling him the news.
"Uh, should I come there?" Gerard asked, trying to hide the tears that where forming and his voice cracks.
"Yes, I suggest you do. Like I said, he is in critical condition and he might not make it." Gerard widened his eyes so much they almost popped out of his head. Is Mikey gonna die? Gerard thought to himself. Is he gonna be hurt or paralyzed or is he gonna be gone forever?
"Okay Thank you." Gerard said fast and hung up his phone. He slipped on shoes as fast as he could and ran out the door. He drove. It didn't help the fact that the hospital was an house away. He sped through traffic and got their in forty five minutes. Gerard was surprised he didn't get pulled over for speeding or running the red lights. But he didn't care for that. He cared about Mikey, not breaking the law.
As he was driving, he picked up his phone and dialed Frank's number.
"Hello?" Frank answered with a happy tone. He was his usual bubbly self.
"Hey Frank it's Gerard. Do you think you could meet me at the hospital?" Gerard said, trying to conceal the sadness in his voice. Frank could see right passed him. He knew Gerard the best.
"Gerard what's wrong what happened?" Frank asked with worry.
"M-Mikey. H-he got in a car crash." Gerard said, his voice cracking even more.
"I'll be there as soon as I can." And with that, Gerard hung up the phone, and started to drive.
He parked his car and ran out the door, almost forgetting to lock the car. He ran as fast at he could and he breathed heavily as he was talking to the women at the front desk.
"I need to see Micheal Way." Gerard said with a panic. The nurse gave him a sad look.
"Are you related to him?" The nurse asked. Gerard nodded. He saw Frank, coming from the door. He lived a bit closer to the hospital so it wouldn't have taken him too long.
"I'm his brother, Gerard." His face had a worried expression. It was obvious, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
"I'm sorry to inform you of his, But your brother passed away a half hour ago." As every word the women spoke, Gerard's legs felt weaker, his heart rushed faster, his face drained of color. He started sob. Frank ran up to Gerard, trying to comfort him, but it didn't work.
"What happened?" Frank asked the women at the desk.
"His brother is gone. I'm sorry. They did as much as they could. I'll let you know that he went painlessly." Frank sighed.
"Thank you." He said, and bought Gerard outside. Gerard couldn't stop sobbing. After about twenty minutes of Gerard continuously crying and Frank holding back tears, He finally decided to talk.
"Gee..." Frank breathed out. Gerard tried calming down, but it was no use. Frank wanted Gerard to stop crying, but he understood where he was coming from. He knew that if he had a brother and if he died in a horrific accident, then he would be hysterically crying his eyes out like Gerard is right now.
Eventually, after about an hour and a half, Gerard stopped crying. His face was blank from any expression what so ever.
"Do yo want me to come to you house with you?" Frank asked. Gerard shook his head like a robot. Frank bit his lip. "Do you want to come to my house?" Gerard shook his head again. "Are you sure?" Frank insisted. He knew that when Gerard is sad, he gets violent towards himself. It's happened before. It goes from Gerard being sad, To him isolating himself, to him drinking. He buries himself in a rut and its difficult for him to get out of it. He's only done this one other time and that was when he was nineteen and his grandmother passed away.
Its been four years since that happened and no one wants to see Gerard like that ever again. And Frank worried that it's going to be a repeat of what happened then.
Gerard stood up as well as Frank did. Frank didn't want to leave Gerard alone, but he had too. He would see him again next week at the funeral anyways.
Gerard got into his car and drove off. Frank sighed as his car drove out of sight. He got into his car, and eventually left, driving to his house.

----

Gerard sighed as he woke up. He knew he looked bad. It had been three weeks since Mikey passed. It killed Gerard. Gerard's parents decided to move the funeral to today, due to the fact they knew how hard it was for Gerard. They would have thought by giving it two week, that he wouldn't be a complete mess at the funeral. Oh but they where wrong.
Gerard stood up tiredly from his bed, looking at the empty beer bottle on the floor. He didn't have the motivation to clean up, or do anything really. He didn't even want to go to the funeral. But he had to, or else he knew that Mikey would probably haunt the shit out of him.
He stood up and sighed as he looked in the mirror. He looked thinner then before. His pants wrinkled at the knees and his shirt hung off hid lanky arms.
He hasn't been eating.
All Gerard has been doing is drinking and drowning in pity for the past three weeks, he has forgotten to eat. He shrugged and grabbed his suite from his closet. He stripped of his clothes that smelt like various types of alcohol. He put on the suit and grabbed a red tie. He tied it around his neck.
He found it phenomenal that in a second, his life could change so fast. From happy, young adult, to depressed alcoholic.
Gerard looked at the time. He had woken up late. He cursed himself and ran out the door at a expeditious pace. He jumped into his car and drove to the funeral home, where he knew he would just get more sorrowful about Mikey being deceased.
He reached the funeral home shortly after, and saw many cars there. He recognized some. His parents car, Rays, Franks, and Mikey's Friend, Pete's. Gerard sighed and hopped out of his car. He walked into the funeral home and sat in the back.
Gerard never like funerals. Whenever he passes one, he gets a wave of uneasiness. The concept of death scared him, yet fascinated him at the same time. Gerard didn't like thinking about death because it only made him depressed. It made him think about his Grandmother, and now Mikey.
He looked up at the pastor spoke. Gerard's parents were religious, which made him more upset. Mikey and him weren't. Gerard zoned out for a bit until they opened the casket, and everyone stood up and got in line to say their goodbyes.
First it was the brothers parents. Donna and Donald both kept on their game face. They had to, or else it would make everyone else more mellow.
Then it was the Friend. Ray, Frank, Pete and other's that knew Mikey all said their goodbyes.
Then it was the rest of the family. Cousins, Grandparents, aunts uncles. They all cried. They barely even knew Mikey, and that made Gerard pissed.
Lastly, It was Gerard's turn. He stared down at the lifeless body of the nineteen year old boy in the casket. Mikey was dressed in a suite. If it was up to him, he would have been dressed in his Cold Play shirt, his beanie, and jeans. But it wasn't up to Mikey. It was up to Donna and Donald. Not even Gerard had a say in what happened today.
Gerard stood over the body. Most people prayed, other just said "Bye Mikey, I'll miss you." But Gerard just stood there. Heartbroken. Seeing his baby brother in a coffin killed him on the inside.
Tears started forming in his eyes, yet he stayed silent. A tear dropped from his face, down to the lifeless boy in the casket. Gerard remember something.
He took a small pic, used for playing bass out of his pocket. It was the first one Mikey ever used. Mikey always wanted to be in a band and play bass. It was his dream. He was a great bass player. It made Gerard upset, knowing that Mikey never got to fulfill his dreams. He was taken too soon. He didn't deserve this. This wasn't suppose to happen.
He placed it in Mikey's cold hand. At this point, Gerard was sobbing. His jaw shook up and down, trying not to cry louder. But it was useless.
He sobbed so loud, that everyone was looking at him. They all knew Gerard had just been standing there for five minutes staring at his baby brothers body. They all knew he didn't want to see him buried. But no one said anything. They would feel too horrible if they did. So they just let him has his last moment's with his brother.
After ten minutes, Gerard didn't move. They needed him to, but it was silent. Someone needed to go and get him and sit down with him.
The only person in that room that would make Gerard feel any better is Mikey. But the next best person would be Frank. So Ray and Pete pushed Frank up there to go retrieve Gerard and get him to calm down a bit.
"Hey, Gee..." Frank whispered. Gerard looked up. His milky white skin was dull, and his jet black hair was a complete mess. "Why don't you come sit down with me?" Frank asked nicely. The still sobbing Gerard agreed, and walked with Frank to the back row.
As they finished up doing what they needed, everyone started to walk to the cemetery where the deceased Mikey would be buried. It was very close to the funeral home so everyone walked like you do in elementary school.
Gerard and Frank walked in the back.
"You holding up okay Gee?" Frank asked, concerned about his friend. Gerard shrugged and dragged his feet along, looking down. Frank sighed. He hated seeing Gerard like this. Frank could also smell the stench of alcohol that came from Gerard. It indicated that Gerard had been drinking. Frank sighed as everyone entered the cemetery.
Everyone sat in chairs outside. People spoke about Mikey. Donna, Donald, Pete, and Ray all spoke about him. Gerard was given the chance too, but he didn't want to. He knew that he should have but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
The people who ran the funeral played a song for Mikey at a low level volume. It was The first Green Day song that Mikey ever heard. Wake Me Up When September Ends. Gerard began crying again, remembering the first time he showed Mikey the song. Mikey loved it, and became obsessed with the band. It didn't help Gerard, knowing that the date is September 16th.
They began lowering the casket into the ground as the song was coming to an end. People where praying. Everyone except for a few individuals. Gerard and Frank where one of those people. Gerard just stared in horror as he realized what was going on. Frank looked at Gerard. He could tell that if Gerard had the choice, he would jump into the hole with Mikey. Gerard continued sobbing into his hands. He didn't want to be there. He stood up and ran off to his car to be alone. Frank sighed as he watched Gerard bolt from his seat to his car. Frank stood up and followed Gerard. He cared about him. But it was too late to catch up to Gerard. He had already driven off. Frank sighed and got in his car and followed Gerard. He drove as fast as he could, and so did Gerard. Gerard ended up getting to his house twenty minutes before Frank did. Frank got stuck in traffic, of course that was his luck. Gerard was already shit faced drunk, laying on his kitchen floor with a bottle of clear vodka, most of it was already in Gerard. Frank eventually got to the house and knocked on the front door. "Gerard open the door!" He yelled. Gerard was too drunk to even stand. He tried though. Frank knocked the door open and saw Gerard laying on the floor, looking like he was about to puke out his guts. "Gerard!" Frank yelled. He knew he should have stayed with him the day Mikey died. He walked over to Gerard and lifted him up as he puked on himself. Frank rushed him to the bathroom, where Gerard's head was buried in the toilet, hydro pumping the contents of his stomach. Frank rubbed his back, surprised when he could feel Gerard's spine lightly poke out from his shirt. He would ask about it later when Gerard wasn't shit faced drunk. Frank sighed as Gerard leaned back and sat on the floor. He clutched his stomach and groaned. Frank sighed as he saw Gerard try to stand up, but stumble over. Frank caught him. "I've gotcha." Frank said lightly and carried Gerard out of the bathroom, looking at Gerard's shirt that was covered in vomit. Frank sat Gerard on the bed and began to take off his shirt. "Heeeeyyy. What are ya doing?" Gerard slurred out and the shirt was lifted over his head. Frank looked at Gerard's now small frame. He sighed. "Lay down." Frank said sternly. Gerard pouted. "But I don't wanna." He slurred. Frank sighed and lightly pushed Gerard down and put a blanket over him. Gerard groaned and hid under the blanket. Frank sighed yet again. After twenty minutes, He looked at the sound asleep Gerard. He sighed and looked around. Gerard's room was messy. Their was various types of alcohol bottle on the floor. A small bloodstain on the carpet caught his attention. He sighed and ran downstairs, finding a garbage bag. He began cleaning Gerard's room. Frank didn't know what to do with Gerard. He knew that he was slowly slipping out of his grip from sanity. He knew that when Gerard gets in these ruts, it's a bitch to get him out. He knew that Gerard was sensitive. He knew that Gerard has been through a lot the past couple years. He thought that that he would have been able to handle it. But he thought wrong. Mikey's death was just the icing on the cake. Even before his brother died, Gerard had been on a self destructive path by drinking when he got sad, and restricting what he ate. Gerard was almost never happy. He was always miserable. He hated living. He wish that people didn't care about him. He knows that if was to off himself that his parents would be somewhat sad. But the most devastated person would be Frank. See, Frank has always liked Gerard a little more then a friend. He never bought it up because he didn't even know Gerard's sexuality. So he just ignored his gay thoughts as much as he could. Frank finished cleaning up Gerard's room after about an hour. He felt accomplished that he cleaned it up. He was worried though, that in a matter of time their will be twice as many bottles on the floor. Which is why he vowed to get Gerard better. Speaking of Gerard, He started to slowly wake up. Gerard groaned as the light felt like a blazing fire in the back of his head. He was hung over. Frank looked up at Gerard as he groaned. "Turn the fucking light off." He mumbled out. Frank nodded and turned the light off, knowing what if felt to be hung over. It does suck major dick. "You want some aspirin?" Frank asked. Gerard groggily nodded, sitting up slowly. Frank nodded and ran downstairs and looked for some aspirin for Gerard. He found some and took two pills out and got a cup of water and bought them both upstairs. "You up now?" Frank asked nicely as he walked through the door. "Sadly." Gerard mumbled. Frank sighed and handed him the water and pills. "Do you want something to eat? It might help a little." Frank suggested. Gerard shook his head. "I'm not hungry." He said lightly as he put the pills in his mouth. He started to drink the water, swallowing the pills. 'You sure? You look a lot thinner then last time I saw you." Frank said, a bit concerned. "I'm sure." Frank sighed at Gerard's response and sat on the foot of the bed. "Why are you even here?" Gerard asked. "You ran out of Mikey's funeral and I wanted to make sure you where okay, which obviously you weren't because you were shit faced." Gerard's face dropped. "I am okay." Gerard lied right through his teeth. "No you aren't." "Am too." Gerard argued "Are not." "Am too." "Are n- Gerard we are adults, not kindergarten students." Frank looked at Gerard dead in the eyes. Gerard sighed. "Look, It's nothing honestly. So what if I'm drunk?" Frank sighed. "Gerard..." Frank breathed out slowly. "I know how you are. You have a problem with drinking. You always drink when you get upset. And It's serious." Frank had a worried expression on his face. Gerard was looking down in shame. "I'll get better..." He mumbled. "I hope so." ---- The next couple of weeks, Gerard had been doing well. He hadn't drank at all. That was only because Frank stopped him every time he tried to. Gerard desperately craved the sting of the alcohol in his throat, but he knew that he couldn't with Frank taking care of him. But his eating problem was showing bright to Frank. Frank was very worried and started to catch on. It was to the point that you could see Gerard's ribs through his shirt, and his thighs didn't touch. All in a couple weeks, He has lost that much weight. He cant even remember the last time he ate. Frank decided to talk to him about it. "Gerard, Want some lunch?" Frank said to Gerard, who was laying on the couch staring blankly at the TV. He didn't even look like he was watching it. He was just thinking. "I'm okay." Gerard said. But Frank knew that was the lie that Gerard always said. Frank sighed. "Can we talk?" He said. Gerard looked up with his lifeless eyes. As soon at he made eye contact with Frank, the life appeared in his eyes. The thing is, he started to have a thing for Frank. He didn't like him just as a friend anymore. Gerard knew he was bisexual, But he never actually dated anyone. So he doesn't know what to do or how to do it. So he is just gonna keep himself shut. Frank sat down next to Gerard. "When was the last time you ate?" Frank asked. Gerard shrugged. "This morning." He lied. Frank sighed. "No you didn't. I asked you this morning and you said you weren't hungry." Frank was looking Gerard in the eyes. "I guess I've lost my appetite." Gerard said. But he knew that he was starving. "For weeks at a time? There's something your not telling me. " Frank said. There was a lot that Gerard wasn't telling him. Gerard looked down and shrugged. He didn't see what he was doing to himself as dangerous. "Gerard, are you starving yourself?" Frank asked abruptly. Gerard looked at him with wide eyes. "N-no... Why would you think that?" Gerard stated. Frank sighed. "Lift up your shirt." Frank demanded. Gerard raised his eyebrows. He immediately shook his head. Frank groaned and stood up, dragging Gerard into the bathroom. Frank pulled off his own shirt, revealing his average sized stomach and torso. He looked at Gerard. Frank leaned the full body mirror towards Gerard a bit. "Your turn." Frank spoke. "Why do I even have to do this?" Gerard said. "To prove yourself. If you are truly not starving yourself, I wont be able to see your bones poke through your skin." Frank said while staring into Gerard's hazel eyes. Gerard sighed and mumbled something out, while taking off his shirt, revealing every single one of his ribs. His hip bones looked sharp enough to cut. Frank sighed and lightly put his hand on his stomach. "Gerard, look," Frank motioned towards his own body. "This is somewhat healthy." He said. Frank was little bit chubby, but he didn't have a problem with it. He actually thought it was adorable. "But you," Frank put his hand on Gerard's now concave stomach. "You aren't healthy. You feel cold and a little bit shaky. And I can see your bones." Frank said, his voice beginning to become a little crackly. He cared about Gerard. He cared about him so much, he started to crush on him. If it were up to Frank, He would kiss Gerard right now. But he could never see Gerard liking him back. Anyways, Gerard's health was more important then Frank getting laid. Gerard looked in the mirror, and back at Frank. "You're kidding right?" He said. Frank raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" "Thin? Are you kidding? I'm far from thin." Gerard said. Frank frowned. He knew that it would take more then a little inspirational speech to get Gerard back to normal. "Gerard you are literally a fucking toothpick." Frank bit his bottom lip. "More like a fat potato." Gerard mumbled. Gerard thought so low of himself, even before Mikey died. Frank's eyes widen. "Gerard don't say that! You are so beautiful, I don't get how you don't see it." Gerard froze. "Y-you t-t-think I'm... Beautiful?" Gerard said. Frank looked down. "Yeah. You are." Frank cursed himself for letting his homo leak through a bit. Gerard got close to Frank and did something he thought he might regret. He pulled him in and kissed him. It was short lasted when Frank pulled back in utter shock. Gerard looked down. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done th-" Frank cut Gerard off and grabbed the skinny boy and pulled him in and locked lips. They were both in shock. They both felt like they were being blessed some how. Being kissed willingly by their crush. They both pulled back and looked into each others eyes. Frank noticed that before, when he looked into Gerard's eyes, they looked dull and lifeless, dead. Now, they sparkled with life, and joy. The two boys looked at each other, smiling. The first time either of them smiled in weeks. And god, did they fucking love it. "G-Gerard, I think I love you." Frank managed to stutter out, still staring into the depths of Gerard's eyes. Gerard smiled ear to ear. "I love you too."