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Maud wouldn't call herself old. She was just on the wrong side of sixty. Her joints ached, she couldn't walk as easily as she used to, and certainly not with a bag full of groceries. That's when she met him. He was coming down the stairs just as she opened the front door of the building and was about to enter.
She must have looked desperate because he immediately offered to help her. And carried her shopping bag up to the fourth floor. That was when they found out they lived next door to each other. He explained that he had just moved in and hadn't even had time to get all the boxes into the apartment.
She winced at the thought of all the furnishing and unpacking that surely awaited him. But he seemed unconcerned, instead radiating excitement about the new city and the opportunities that lay ahead.
Maud had lived in New York all her life, she thought she had an eye for people, most of them were like an open book to her. And it only took one look at Daniel to put him in the category of someone who was deeply troubled, but with a good heart.
He was quite handsome, full of energy and a special charm that went hand in hand with confidence and youth, but there was something about him that made her pay attention, something buried deep in his smile, a weariness and something else she couldn't quite put a name to. But she saw it right away that first morning.
Daniel proved to be an invaluable help. He wasn't always completely reliable when she needed him, he was often away from home for days, but he helped her with a lot of things in the kitchen, tightened a dripping faucet, cleaned the drain or changed a light bulb a few times because her hands weren't as steady and sure as they used to be. He told her all kinds of stories and anecdotes as he worked. Maud learned that he was an aspiring journalist and, from what she could tell, a really talented storyteller. Passionate about politics and social justice issues.
As someone still in his twenties, he had every right to enjoy life, but gradually she began to worry more and more. She often heard him coming home late at night. He was pale and constantly distracted, sometimes erratic. She knew what it probably meant. It was none of her business. It was just sad how young people were destroying themselves these days.
*
Maud wasn't a snoop, and unlike other neighbors she could name, she wasn't in the habit of prying into other people's business. So it took her a surprisingly long time to realize that Daniel didn't live alone. That he lived with another man.
She never saw him come in, let alone go out. The other one. She began to suspect him of regularly climbing the fire escape, if it hadn't been so ridiculous (the stairs there were very rusty and practically unusable for years).
Maud only found out thanks to the loud arguments coming from the apartment. It wasn't often, and she couldn't understand exactly what they were about, but they were similar enough in tone and she could recognize Daniel's raised voice, which was always answered by a much quieter one.
And then there were the other kinds of loud noises that you learn to ignore when you live in a house crammed with other people, separated only by thin walls.
Every now and then at night, she would catch a glimpse of a man sitting on the sill of an open window that belonged to the apartment next door. The man's features remained hidden in the shadows, the only light coming from the tip of his lit cigarette. She knew it wasn't Daniel and often wanted to tell the stranger how dangerous it was, they lived so high up, but she always changed her mind.
One day, she couldn't sleep and decided to get the morning paper early. It was still dark, so she got her first good look at Daniel's friend by the light of a single flickering bulb in the hallway. Another young man, with a halo of black curls, deep brown eyes, and a slightly rumpled shirt.
It was quite unexpected, to be honest, and for a moment she felt a creeping fear rise within her, certain that there was something deeply wrong with him. Something about his hands. But it only lasted a second. The dim light and the ever-present shadows were probably just playing tricks on her. They exchanged a polite greeting. And that was it.
She finally dared to ask Daniel about him the next time he came by, never believing that the boy could blush like that. He was in love. Good. He'd told her his name was Armand, and did she mind them living together? Maud assured him that her two good friends, Betty and Ingrid, had lived in the same cozy little house for nearly twenty years. And besides, everyone was free to do as they pleased, so could he please stop this nonsense?
Still, she couldn't help her curiosity. The memory of those brown eyes lingered in her mind. Just how deep they could be, she realized one October night when she was getting ready for bed and was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. She wrapped a warm shawl around her shoulders and went to see who it could be. Looking through the peephole, she saw Daniel's mysterious friend standing there.
When she opened the door, she saw that he was holding Suz in front of him with both hands. Suzanne, her thirteen-year-old ginger cat, looked absolutely petrified. And the young man, in turn, looked deeply confused by her presence.
He gave Maud an apologetic smile and explained that Suz had apparently decided to jump from one open window to another and landed in their apartment. Now he was having trouble convincing her to come back the same way.
She took Suz in her arms and a sudden impulse seized her to invite him in. Armand hesitated for a moment, but then nodded.
"Come in. I have to offer you something for saving Suz. She can be so stupid. Please sit down on a couch. It won't take a minute." She put the cat in her favorite spot and went into the kitchen.
She returned a short time later with a steaming mug in her hand.
"Here you go. Nothing like a cup of hot cocoa before bed. My mother used to say that it brings the most restful sleep and good dreams."
She handed him the mug, brushing her fingers briefly against the back of his palm. Poor thing, his hands were freezing, she was even more glad now that she had decided to make him something hot to drink.
Maud sat down across from him in her favorite chair. She felt a little like she had caught a wild and rare animal.
"I haven't seen Daniel in a while. Is everything okay?" she asked carefully.
"He went away. He does that sometimes."
"I'm sorry, dear. It's not the first time, is it?" Maud was genuinely upset to hear it, but not too surprised to be honest.
"He'll be back."
He said it with such confidence that it calmed her down a bit.
Still.
"Aren't you worried?"
He didn't answer right away. Perhaps he was deciding what was worth telling her. Finally, he let out a soft sigh.
"I have to let him live his life. But I can't seem to let go."
"Why would you do that?" she asked incredulously.
"Look at you, you clearly care for him and he loves you. I know it seems complicated since you are both, you know," Maud made a small vague gesture with her hand, "but nothing is impossible, you just need to have a little faith."
"You're very kind." He took a small sip of his cocoa. "But he wants something I’m unable to give him. That will always come between us."
And he left it at that.
They were an odd couple. Daniel with his easy smile. A little self-centered and too honest at times. And this gentle, thoughtful young man. With his precisely measured movements and carefully chosen words.
She desperately wanted to cheer him up and decided to tell him about her husband. About how they met and how it wasn't always easy, but it was always so beautiful.
It was nice talking to him. She felt less lonely. As if his focused attention was something precious. Eventually she confided in him almost everything about her life, that she never had children, that she lost her love five years ago to cancer. Not that he asked many questions in return. He didn't really seem to be listening to her story. It was more like he was examining her, looking deep into her very soul.
At some point during the night, Suz must have decided that he was all right, because she jumped up on his lap and curled up into a ball. He methodically stroked her fur, and she purred loudly, giving him the highest price you could get from her.
And then it was his turn. He told her stories about travelling the world. She had never been to Europe and never would be. It was nice to hear his melodious voice as he described the intricate maze of Venice's canals and the old beauty of French cathedrals. His features came to life as he spoke. He began to gesticulate more and she saw him replaying in his mind all the experiences he was telling her about.
They must have sat together for hours, but she didn't remember him leaving. In the morning, she woke up in her bed and would have thought it was all a dream if she hadn't found an abandoned and unfinished mug on the living room table.
*
Daniel reappeared after a week or so. He tried to pretend he never left. One night he rang her doorbell, holding a container of leftover Chinese takeout.
"Can I use your microwave for a second?" he asked her with a slightly embarrassed expression.
"Oh sure, come on in."
Maud hastily removed her security chain and stepped aside.
"What happened? Is yours broken?" she asked.
"No," he replied in a resigned tone, "it's just completely unusable right now. I need something strong to clean it. I will buy it in the morning. It's no big deal, just ..." he showed her the plastic container again.
She led him into her small kitchen and let him use the machine, watching him carefully.
"You know, I was talking to Armand the other day," she said after a moment.
He turned quickly to face her, his eyes suddenly filled with alarm.
"You did?" he asked.
"Yes," she nodded, "he seems nice and ..." this was really none of her business, but she added anyway, "he was really worried about you, you know."
His expression changed again, became darker. She had never seen him like that before. He thanked her in an uncharacteristically serious voice, said good night and left.
It wasn't long before she heard his raised voice from the apartment next door. She only caught a few words. Something that sounded like:
"Not her ..." and "... stay away." And after a pause, "... will fucking clean it yourself." But she wasn't sure.
Life went on, autumn rushed by, and an unusually cold winter descended upon the city. On rare occasions she saw them return home at dawn, huddled together, stealing quick, joyful kisses before one of them found the house keys.
Sometimes Daniel looked so tired and lost.
She still rarely saw Armand alone. She never found out what he did for a living, or why he preferred such an exclusively nocturnal lifestyle.
From time to time, she would asked Daniel to feed Suz and water the flowers when she visited her sister for the weekend. Afterwards, he always asked how the trip went and what new family gossip she learned.
Maud was about to invite them both over for a nice dinner, to thank them properly for all the help, when suddenly, overnight, they both disappeared.
They left without a word, without saying goodbye. All she found was a spare key to her apartment dropped in the mailbox. She never saw either of them again.
*
Or at least she never saw them together again.
Several years passed when one day she thought she saw Daniel again.
It was by chance, on a busy street in the middle of the chaotic mass of people and cars that her beloved city turned into every rush hour. She was about to make the difficult descent to the subway. And all of sudden there he was, standing not far from her, his head bent over a map of the city.
"Daniel?" she called out.
He turned almost immediately and stared at her for a moment. His surprise was obvious.
"I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else?" he said, but it sounded more like a question.
"I ..." she paused.
"Are you all right, ma'am?" he asked with genuine concern.
"I could swear you look just like him. You are Daniel, aren't you? You lived in an apartment next to mine for almost a year."
Now she saw real confusion in his eyes. Then something in his face hardened. He probably concluded that she was just some crazy old lady.
"Excuse me, I'm late and my wife is waiting for me."
He gave her one last apologetic look and walked away quickly, disappearing into the crowd a second later.
She could swear that he looked like Daniel she used to know. A little older, a little more put together, but unmistakably him. The lines of his face, the way he held his shoulders, even the leather jacket he was wearing were all the same.
A pang of sadness went through her. Well, maybe she was the confused one, maybe her age decided to finally show up in full force and catch up with her mind. She must have remembered it all wrong.
After all, memories could be so fickle and fragile.