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1:49 A.M.
That was what the clock on Kafka’s phone read the first time she woke up. The second time, it was 2:37. The third time: 3:04.
It was clear that she was not going to be getting a good night’s rest.
With a quiet, defeated sigh, Kafka rose from her bed and began her stroll to the kitchen. Her sudden inability to sleep was inconvenient, but not concerning. The ‘excitement’ of her mission on the Xianzhou was most likely what was causing a disturbance in her sleep. It should pass in a couple of days. But for now, she would have to make due with some extra caffeine.
Making her way into the kitchen, she picked up a coffee pod at random. She took a quick glance at the flavor written on the pod before popping it into the coffee maker. Hazelnut.
“Not a bad flavor,” Kafka said out loud to herself as she grabbed some sugar and coffee creamer. Within a couple of moments, she now had a freshly brewed cup of hazelnut coffee.
She took in a deep breath through her nose, inhaling the fumes. The coffee smelled strong, but sweet. She took a sip. It tasted the same as it smelled.
The woman made her way into the living room. She had nothing to do and would rather not spend the time until proper waking hours in her bedroom, so she may as well wait in an area where the rest of the Stellaron Hunters were bound to enter eventually.
The living room was far enough from the kitchen for the latter’s dim lighting to not provide any illumination for the former, leaving it in complete darkness. Kafka carefully felt around for the light switch against the wall. After a couple seconds, she turned on the lights.
What she did not expect was for Blade to already be sitting there.
She was certain that he had noticed her. Even if she had not turned the lights on, he still would have picked up on the sound of her footsteps. It was not as if she was trying to mask the fact that she was up. However, he made no effort to acknowledge that she was there.
“Good morning, Bladie,” Kafka greeted him as she moved to sit next to him on the sofa.
Blade did not respond, and instead kept silent with his head lowered. Tightly gripped in his shaky hands was a half-filled mug of coffee. If the couple extra cups on the table in front of them were anything to go by, it was not his first cup either.
After waiting for a short while longer, she tried again. “Bla-”
“I heard you the first time, Kafka,” Blade responded. His voice was strained, and lacked the usual harshness that she was used to.
It was odd behavior, and very unlike him. She felt a little concerned by this.
“Are you doing alright, darling?” She asked gently, testing the waters. Blade was known for having a short fuse. Being too persistent would have likely caused him to storm out.
Blade let out a long sigh. “I’m fine,” he grumbled, “Just tired.”
Kafka leaned back on the couch, placing her elbow on the arm of the sofa and resting her head on her chin. “Then going to bed would do you wonders, wouldn’t it?” She replied. The soft smile she usually wore made its way onto her face.
The frown that Blade held became even more evident from that remark. “Bold of you to say when you’re up this late,” he retorted.
The woman chuckled. “You got me there, but I’m only awake because I couldn’t sleep. You, on the other hand…,” her voice trailed off as she eyed the multiple empty cups and then looked at the dark circles under Blade’s eyes. “You seem to have the opposite problem.”
Unfortunately for Kafka, getting Blade to rest was going to be harder than simply muttering a couple phrases. That fact made itself known when the other took a sip from his mug before glaring at her.
“Like I said before, Kafka. I’m fine. It is just that it is harder for me to fall asleep some days than others,” Blade explained once again, becoming visibly irritated.
Kafka let out a quiet hum. “And how long have you been like this for?” She asked.
“...”
“I’d like an answer, Bladie.”
Blade ignored the request and instead went to take another sip of his coffee, only for a hand to gently push the mug onto the table. He looked up, meeting Kafka’s eyes. “An answer, please,” she prompted once again with a somewhat stern look on her face.
There was a moment where nobody said anything; only waiting for the other to stand down. Blade, for once, lost this battle. He broke eye contact with Kafka and turned his head to stare absentmindedly at the table in front of him. “Ever since we got home from the Xianzhou,” he admitted quietly.
The answer was not surprising to Kafka. She had suspected as much, honestly. But it still worried her, nonetheless.
“And why is that?” She pressed gently.
“I fail to see how that is any of your business,” Blade replied with a harsh undertone to his voice. It was similar to how he normally sounded, at least around strangers and enemies (he always used a softer, more exasperated tone when addressing his fellow Stellaron Hunters); except, this time he sounded far more defensive.
Kafka immediately backtracked, not wanting to push too far too quickly. “You’re right. Whatever is keeping you up at night has nothing to do with me.”
She shifted closer. “However, your wellbeing is my business. And you keeping everything to yourself certainly isn’t doing you any favors.”
The woman paused, waiting for a response. The only thing she was rewarded with was silence as Blade stared blankly into the distance, his scarred fingers tracing the outline of one of the mugs.
“Blade.”
The man in question immediately turned back to look up at her. Kafka rarely ever referred to him by “Blade.”
Now that Kafka had Blade’s attention, she continued. “I am not asking you as a coworker who is trying to prod her way into your life. I am asking you as a friend who is concerned for you. You do not have to go into details. In fact, you can be as vague as you like. But, please , tell me what’s wrong.”
Blade’s frown deepened at Kafka’s words, but then it softened when he saw her expression. He wanted to reply. To say something, anything. But there was something stopping him.
Fear? Anxiety? No. It can’t be any of those. Weapons don’t feel.
And yet, he did.
“Mara…” Even after taking a long pause to collect his thoughts, it was the only thing he could say. He tried again. “My mara… it’s gotten worse.”
Now it was Kafka’s turn to frown. “Your mara? Didn’t we use my Spirit Whisper to lower it down to safer levels before leaving the Xianzhou? How could it have gotten worse so quickly?”
Blade tried to respond but found no voice to use once again. His throat tightened, causing a burning pain to flourish throughout his neck. Why was he feeling like this? He should not be feeling like this.
He felt a hand place itself on one of his shoulders, squeezing it. He looked up at Kafka, who had a sad look in her eyes.
Her other hand moved to wipe tears from his eyes that he did not even know were there. He stopped her.
“Kafka. I-”
Kafka shushed him gently. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that asking would cause you so much pain.”
Suddenly Kafka pulled him into her embrace. The action surprised Blade, but he did not dare to move. He did not return her embrace, but he did not pull away either.
His throat tightened again, and the pain grew. His vision grew blurry with tears, and he felt a headache emerging. He tried to fight it. He really did. But…
“It’s okay,” Kafka muttered. “You’re allowed to cry.”
That was all it took for him to finally break. He immediately wrapped his arms tightly around Kafka and buried his face into her shoulder.
It wasn’t long before a loud, shaky gasp echoed throughout the living room. It was followed by another, and then another. Soon the entire space was filled with the sounds of Blade’s crying.
“It- it just hurt to have been back there, ev…even it was only for a little whi-while. I saw what the Xianzhou had become. I saw Jing Yuan. I saw-” He hiccupped. “I saw him. ”
They sat there for a while, Blade sobbing into Kafka’s shoulder while the woman rubbed comforting circles into his back. It came as a shock to Kafka. Never in knowing Blade had she ever seen him cry.
And here he was, for lack of better terms, a sniveling mess.
Eventually the crying subsided; audibly, at the very least. Blade still had a death grip on Kafka and was still shivering and letting out quiet hiccups and gasps in place of proper breathing. Kafka decided that it was the right time to speak up.
“I’m not sure if this is what you want to hear right now, Bladie, but I think you need to stop thinking about the Xianzhou for a little while,” she suggested, careful to maintain her usual tone of voice with just enough extra emotion added to make sure it was obvious that she cared.
“And how do- how do you suppose I do that?” Blade replied. Normally he’d sound snarky. Now he only sounded stressed and sad.
“A distraction, perhaps?”
“I don’t think anything could distract me right now.”
Kafka let out a short hum. He was probably right. No matter what they did, the events on the Xianzhou would remain in the back of his mind. Besides, there was not much they could do at such an hour. That was when an idea popped into the woman’s head.
“Well,” she began. “I used my Spirit Whisper on you some days ago. How about I use it again?”
Blade hesitated, and she could tell. The way his grip on her tightened and then loosened gave it away.
Kafka was quick to add onto her suggestion. “We don’t have to if you do not feel comfortable, of course. This is to help you, Bladie, and I don’t want to do anything that would cause you discomfort.”
The man thought about it for a moment, weighing his options. It wasn’t that he did not trust Kafka. Quite the contrary, actually. She, Elio, Sam, and Silver Wolf were just about the only people he trusted at all. It was just that the idea of losing control scared him. It always had.
But then again, he would lose control due to his mara anyway. He may as well do something to try and stop it.
“Okay,” He said, “I’ll do it.”
Kafka gave him a reassuring smile. She stood up to move in front of him. “Perfect. Close your eyes, then breathe in for seven seconds and breathe out for eight.”
Blade did what was asked of him, doing his best to only focus on his breathing. Normally they would skip this step in the process. He supposed it had to do with the lack of time they had when she would use her Spirit Whisper on him in the past.
A minute passed. A minute of nothing except the sound of Blade’s breathing. That was when Kafka spoke.
“ Listen to me. ”
Those three words were all it took for Blade to become hypnotized. Sure, if someone had enough willpower, they could probably resist it, for a little while, at the very least. He, however, did not.
“Open your eyes and look at me,” Kafka commanded gently, making sure to maintain a soothing tone in her voice.
Blade looked up at her with sleepy, dazed eyes. His face was still stained with tears, but his expression had changed to a more peaceful one.
She moved to sit next to Blade once more. “Good. Now, do not think about the Xianzhou. Do not think about your mara. Do not think about Jing Yuan. Do not think about Dan Heng, or Dan Feng, or however you refer to him as. None of that is important. None of them are important. The only thing that matters is that you are safe. You’re home.”
Kafka’s tone of voice shifted. Not enough to affect her Spirit Whisper, but certainly enough to be noticeable. “They can’t hurt you. They won’t hurt you. I’ll make sure of it.”
She took a good look at Blade, making sure to take note of any changes in behavior. He was much calmer now. His posture was more relaxed, his breathing was steady, and he had ceased shaking.
It was also visible just how tired he was. He blinked slowly, often keeping his eyes closed for an increasing number of seconds before opening them once more. Additionally, his head was lolled slightly to the right with the rest of his body soon to follow.
Right. Blade had barely slept for the past few days.
“Alright. Let’s get you to bed,” Kafka began. “Stand up and follow me, please.”
Blade followed Kafka’s every command; standing up and following her as she walked. She had linked her elbow with his and watched his movement carefully to make sure that he did not fall. Nothing fragile was kept in the halls, but a fall would have been unpleasant, nonetheless.
It was not long before they reached Blade’s room. Kafka opened the door and stepped in with Blade following closely behind. He did not keep much in his room other than the bare necessities, save for a few mementos. The handful of photos of the Stellaron Hunters on one of the walls brought a small smile to Kafka’s face.
“Here we are,” she exclaimed quietly while leading Blade toward his bed. “Go ahead and lie down, darling.”
Blade did what was asked and unceremoniously collapsed onto his bed. Ah, right, she should have been more specific. Thankfully, the man had already shifted to a more comfortable position on his own.
He was lying on top of his blankets, which was a little annoying, but not much of an issue. Kafka decided to leave him that way in order to save him from possible future embarrassment. Instead, she walked over to his open closet and plucked an extra blanket off of the floor. She carefully tossed it over him.
Blade took one last look at Kafka, who offered him another smile in return. “Go to sleep. You deserve it,” she commanded gently. And within an instant, he did so.
Everything was back to normal the next day. Neither Kafka nor Blade brought up the events of last night, and the other Stellaron Hunters did not seem to notice. It was only when the two were alone did Blade say anything.
“Thank you.”