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Tyler could admit a couple of things.
One was that he wasn’t the brightest. He tried but, he knew that he missed things- subtle things.
Two was that he missed Lindsay, dearly. She had just remembered him and then she was gone. It was sudden, like a slap to the face. Hadn’t he tried hard enough? It wasn’t fair, things had been perfect. She was perfect.
The third thing was that Alejandro looked really good in a Speedo.
The last one was off topic, it popped into his brain before he could stop and think about why exactly he was noticing the fact. He knew the guy was hot, everyone knew that. He was Justin 2.0 yet Tyler hadn’t once caught himself staring at the original Justin.
Tyler shook his head and turned away from Alejandro’s chiseled stomach. He didn’t feel any sort of way about it, he was envious of him- maybe even a bit ticked off for how he had tried to seduce his girlfriend. That was it. Besides that it was hot outside and the sun was only serving to disorient him further. That was it.
Or…
It should have been it but, Tyler knew he was lying to himself.
It hadn’t been the first time his eyes had drifted over. Alejandro was like a drug, and he didn’t touch the stuff. He hadn’t wanted to be put under the influence but, he couldn’t ignore the fact that no matter what he did he couldn’t look away.
That wasn’t the only giant red flag that had been waved in his face. He should have realized exactly what the issue was upon Alejandro’s first interaction with him.
‘I like girls’ yeah sure he did.
He still couldn’t live that one down, he hated how often the words cycled through his head when Alejandro was near him.
But, even with all the evidence built up against him Tyler knew he didn’t like whatever he was feeling. It felt like poison under his veins, the butterflies in his stomach gnawing at his insides No matter what he did he lost and submitted to the insufferable urge. The urge to glance at Alejandro. Every time he succumbed he felt miserable, so torn up with guilt that he could barely think.
He knew that no matter what he still liked Lindsay, he loved her. He would never deny that fact because it was true. It was one of the reasons he was fighting so hard. He would never hurt her- not when she had just remembered him, not when he had almost gotten to actually date her. He was so close only for her to be abruptly stolen by Chris.
Tyler sighed to himself, wiping the sweat that had built up under his athletic headband. The challenge called for nothing more than his swim trunks but, he never took the band off, without it he wasn’t Tyler. It was just how it had always been.
“My friend are you ready?” Alejandro questioned putting a hand on his shoulder. Right, the toboggans- the challenge. Tyler tried to quell his internal anguish. The butterflies continued to attack his stomach, making him grimace as he tried to ignore them. It was just a shoulder tap, his teammates did it all the time so why was Alejandro’s grip making him feel weird.
Tyler turned to stare at Alejandro, looking up slightly to meet his green eyes. They were a nice shade, he he couldn’t draw himself away.It wasn’t just his eyes that held him in place either, it was his smile, the hair that hung just over his ear, the small tuff of facial hair that made his stomach flip. Tyler felt starstruck and he hated it. He wasn’t weak willed, he would ignore it and focus on the challenge. For Lindsay, the whole reason he had wanted to come back. The one he loved.
But…
He felt the same way about Alejandro, the same airy feelings.
He loved him?
That was the word for it.
Tyler knew what love felt like and that was it, there was no denying it. He couldn’t deny it or he would just be lying to himself.
Tyler shifted his gaze forward, swallowing hard before nodding his head.
“Ready man let’s beat Team Amazon!” he said grinning.
Alejandro chuckled, setting the board on the chute leading down towards Chris and Chef at the bottom.
“I will take the front.” He said with a twinkle in his eyes. It wasn’t a question and Tyler didn’t protest.
It was hard to tell if he had noticed Tyler’s internal crisis or if he was simply acting normal. Tyler didn’t understand half of what Alejandro did have on a good day so, he didn’t expect to figure it out. At the moment he was just happy to be in an alliance with the guy and not against him. Even if an alliance meant more time than necessary spent with him.
Tyler sat down on the board, feet perched on both sides as Alejandro took a seat in front of him. Tyler gripped onto his shoulders, palms sweaty at the close contact- at the fact that Alejandro’s bare back was inches from him.
He wished he hadn’t agreed to ride with Alejandro, he wished they had never crash landed in Jamaica. It was forcing him to address things he was desperately afraid of.
“Alright let’s go.” Alejandro said with determination.
Tyler nodded his head slowly, readying his stance before they both pushed off simultaneously.
The rush was the only thing preventing Tyler from thinking about how guilty he felt. He gladly got lost in the pure adrenaline as they rode through loop after loop.
He was too lost in the rhythm to notice how close his face had gotten to Alejandro- arms holding onto his waist in a death grip. That would only worsen his guilt.
Tyler squeezed his eyes shut as they finally exited the lengthy tube, force sending him flying into the empty pool wall at the bottom.
“Gnarly man.” Chris said flinching as Tyler groaned. His entire body ached as he slowly slid down towards the center of the pool. He didn’t feel like moving- everything was fuzzy.
Was this how he died? At the bottom of a concrete pool riding a longboard for some stupid challenge.
His thoughts were interrupted by a voice.
“Tyler are you alright?” Alejandro asked. He sounded far away, like he was underwater.
Tyler cracked his eyes open ignoring the black spots dancing in his vision. Alejandro was there extending his arm out towards him. Tyler tried to stand, intent on ignoring the butterflies.
The action failed as Tyler fell to the ground again. Maybe walking it off was out of the question, he didn’t have a choice.
It seemed like Alejandro had already made the decision for him.
“Nonsense my friend I shall help you.” Alejandro said glancing over at the giant roller coaster which Team Amazon was currently riding down.
Crap, he really had to get out of the way.
Tyler struggled to push himself up in one last bout of desperation before Alejandro put a hand on the top of his head.
“Rest I will help you.” He said, arms snaking under his torso and lifting him up. Tyler remained limp in his grasp as he was carried out of the way. Why had he agreed to sit on the back of the board, he took the brunt of the impact getting launched upward while Alejandro could ride the wave. Sure he was used to being the human equivalent of a fail compilation but, it didn’t make it hurt any less. Had Alejandro done it intentionally?
Tyler didn’t want to think that Alejandro could do something like that on purpose. Why would he purposely put him in harms way? He had at least thought they were friends- acquaintances maybe.
“Ugh.” Tyler groaned, limbs sticking out at odd angles as Alejandro sat him on one of the beach chairs surrounding the concrete pool.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Chris announced looking over at him with a hesitant grin.
“In other news I am really really hot is in the lead.” Chris said smiling while glancing at a mirror that he had pulled out of thin air.
“We’re in the lead?” Tyler asked nearly incoherently.
“Yes..you did well Tyler.” Alejandro said putting his hand on Tyler’s back. The contact sent a wave of heat to his face. He couldn’t see Alejandro very well having his face pressed against the mesh fabric of the chair. He was thankful of that fact as it meant Alejandro couldn’t see his face either.
Alejandro’s hand didn’t sit on his back for long, in fact he went upward- towards Tyler’s neck like a spider he wasn’t able to swat.
His rough hand gripped Tyler’s chin that was tucked into his body, turning Tyler’s face towards him. Tyler couldn’t help the embarrassment he felt staring with a blurry gaze into Alejandro’s eyes.
“I saw you staring at me.”he whispered sending shivers down his spine. What was he doing Tyler felt petrified- like he had just been turned to stone. His heart was beating out of his chest.
Alejandro only smiled softly as he slowly brushed the hair that had fallen in Tyler’s face. There faces were inches apart and Tyler swallowed the lump in his throat. He liked it, he liked every second of Alejandro paying attention to him. The guilt bubbled up and overflowed- he couldn’t focus it was blinding.
Tyler shut his eyes tightly and tried to think of Lindsay, her bright eyes, her carefree smile, her long golden hair, her lips on his. The mental image was a comfort.
That was when a shrill scream cut out, the Amazons riding the course.
Alejandro retracted his arm quickly and Tyler opened his eyes once again.
Alejandro was there regarding him coldly.
“We have one more round I need you at your best my friend.” Alejandro said like he hadn’t just done what he did. Tyler felt his head beginning to pound again.
“Sorry man..”Tyler said trying to force himself up and waving his arms around when he couldn’t study himself. What was he doing, he had nearly got his brain knocked out the first time and now he was struggling through everything to have another go.
Was he that desperate for Alejandro’s approval, for Alejandro to go further.
No it was for the alliance, it had to be. He had agreed to it and that was it.
He had probably misheard Alejandro, he didn’t exactly trust his senses at the moment. Alejandro was probably looking him over for any exterior damage- he needed him for their second go on the course.
Who was he kidding he was never good at lying to himself.
“Would you like me to carry you?” Alejandro asked raising an eyebrow.
Tyler wanted to. He wanted to be close to him, press his body up against his no matter how many danger signals were going off in his head.
But he stammered out a response before he could think. He was good at that.
Good at cheating on his girlfriend too. The thoughts were evidence enough.
“I’m good ..uh sorry man..and thanks I think something just got knocked out of wack.” He said messing with the hair that Alejandro had touched just moments earlier. Yet he was still doing it?
“Of course you are my teammate and you aren’t of any use hurt.” Alejandro explained gracefully, voice different from his earlier line.
“Right man..do you think maybe you could go in the back this time…?” Tyler asked scratching the back of his head. He just wanted to get the challenge over with- with the least amount of injuries possible. Really he just wanted to sleep.
Alejandro looked annoyed for a brief second. Tyler only shrunk giving him a nervous grin that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I would but, I need to steer- you are clumsy.” Alejandro said finally.
“Oh yeah.. you have a point.” Tyler said dumbfounded. He took the awkward pause to stand up, legs shaking like a baby deer before he righted himself- gripping onto Alejandro’s shoulder.
“Allow me.” Alejandro said putting Tyler’s arm over his neck.
Tyler relaxed into his grasp allowing himself to practically be carried back up the steep hill where they started. He knew he looked flustered, he didn’t need anyone to tell him that.
His brain hurt and nothing felt straight in his mind anymore.
Why was he still trying so hard?
Why was he still fighting?
Why?
Tyler didn’t know. He was tired.
He filled his thoughts with Lindsay once again, trying to give him some sense of normalcy. She would be waiting for him at the end of the road- only Alejandro’s face appeared laughing. He neared him hands reaching for his collar and leaning in closer.
Tyler wanted to fight it but, he let the thought finish- Alejandro’s lips on his.
It was what he wanted, right?
In the end it only made him more conflicted.