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The sun's rays streamed through the window and hit your face, waking you up from your peaceful slumber. The direct and strong morning light hurted your eyes, and you stretched out on the bed. You sighed as you finally woke up and came into consciousness, remembering the previous night's activities with your boyfriend. A smile spread across your face, and you turned to look at the man of your thoughts. You turned and saw Chris, surprisingly already awake, considering that he normally sleeps until noon, or until the screams of one of his brothers wake him up. Chris stared into space leaning against the headboard of the bed, as if he was thinking about what to say, or how to say it. You didn't know how long he had been awake or in that position but you didn't bother to ask either, you just continued admiring and analyzing your boyfriend's features.
“I've been so distracted, I've been so far gone lately.” Chris interrupts your thoughts, you hadn't even saw that he had noticed you were looking at him.
“Good morning,” you say and place a kiss on his cheek, as you usually do every morning “what are you talking about?”
"I don't know." Chris admits.
In his head, Chris thinks he owes you something, like he owes you a favor. The world is a cruel place which, in Chris's opinion, should not touch you. He doesn't want evil to affect you because you are so pure and innocent. “I don't like looking outside, you know?, but I know it's not the same as in here.” You just turn your head, confused. He adjusted himself so he was on your level, laying down and placing his hands under his head.
"Are you still asleep?" you ask through a breathy chuckle, and he just shakes his head no.
“I've never been so awake.”
“Then what's wrong with you today?” you smile, he sighs and turns to look at the ceiling.
“I'm going to look good for you, get myself together, spend on you all of my money.”
“You're not going to do that.” you laugh and he just looks at you, like he was warning you. “I don't want your money Chris, and you always look good in my eyes.”
“What else can I offer you, then?” he asks.
“I love you, and I'm only looking for you.”
"Why?"
“How will I know? I’m just in love, simple as that.”
What did you see as simple about love? Chris only saw the feeling of love as something confusing, or perhaps his inept and ignorant brain did not know how to express what he thought, and it became difficult to understand what he felt.
“How early is it, are Nick or Matt awake yet?” you asked.
“I don't know, and I don't care. They are just there, they don’t know shit.”
"What do they not know?” you asked him curiously, Chris sometimes managed to trap you with his stupid questions and comments.
“They don't know what we go through, or what we do with each other. They act like they know everything but they don’t.”
“That's called intimacy. You and me, we have intimacy.” You responded in an obvious tone. “I don't understand the point you're getting at, honey.”
“I'm going to behave well, if that's what you want. Take my medicines and be the healthiest man for you.”
“But why just for me? Why don’t you take care of yourself because you want it.”
“Because I still don't know what I want, but I know that I want you to stay.”
“I'm not planning on leaving.” you said and he fell silent, a suffocating silence.
“Is there anything you want to change about me?” he asked breaking the silence.
"What kind of question is that?"
“I'm giving you the opportunity to change me.”
"I don't want to."
“Change me. You can mold me like clay, heat the pins and stick them in me.”
“No, Chris.”
“Tell me what my defects are and I will fix them.”
“You have no defects.”
“You always said that everyone has something bad.”
“There's no mistakes in you. In my eyes you meet all expectations, I see you and I wonder how I didn't fall in love with you before. You are not going to change because I want you just as you are.”
Chris just stared at you, while he doubted everything you told him. “Mmh.” he hummed, and you covered your face with your hands. “How confusing you are.”
“I don't know what else I can do to keep you from leaving.”
“Is this why you got up so early? To question my love?” you ask, not intending to sound offended or angry. “I don't want you to give me anything different than what you give me every day, and stop thinking about that.”
"Sorry." she said and was silent for a few seconds. “I know it's hard to love me.”
"Don't say that." you told him softly, and your hand slid through the sheets until you reached his face, which you cupped and caressed.
“I feel safe here. Feel safe in this house, feel safe in this bed and feel safe in your arms.”
“That's what I'm looking to give you, Chris. Be safe with me, you deserve it.”
“I want to give you something too.”
“Give me what?” you responded, still staring into his blue eyes.
"I don't know."
"You never know anything."
He gave you a small smile before playfully getting under the covers. You, like any other fool in love, followed him in his game and snuck into the sheets. Laughing, Chris stretched his hands until he reached your body and started tickling you, a usual game between the two of you. The bed and the room were filled with small giggles while Chris touched your body as he wanted and you tried to defend yourself.
You wished there was a camera nearby that could capture the tenderness of the moment you were living. These little fights, the light touches, the quick kisses, were things you longed to be able to save and remember forever. The feeling that Chris provoked in you was indescribable, so much so that he probably wouldn't understand it if you tried to explain it to him. You, really, couldn't describe what Chris did to you either. Your neck became heavy, and the caverns in your chest rose and fell rapidly. Your hands were sweating and blood was rushing to your head, turning your face red. You were in love with Chris, in love and crazy for him.
Eventually, he stopped to look you up and down and then lay down next to you. When your breathing calmed, you turned your head to look at him. Both eyes intertwined, and your gazes met. His hands followed, and he approached you and intertwined his fingers with yours. He put his head in the crook of your neck and exhaled.
“I don't want to walk alone.” Chris said, as if he had lifted a weight off his chest, a rock from his backpack. “I'm tired of being gone, I want to live in the present.”
"We're in the present, and you've got me." you responded and Chris once again fell silent.
"Let's get married." he spat.
Your neck turned in surprise to look at him, and your cheeks turned red from the unexpected question.
“Chris-“
“What else do we have left to do? You’re the only thing I want, let’s just get married.”
“Are you proposing? Right now?”
“Sorry for not doing it with a bouquet of flowers, with a diamond ring and under the moonlight. I just want you to fall in love with the real me, this is the most sincere I can be with you.” Your eyes couldn't help but break eye contact with him to tear up a little, but you tried to maintain your composure. The sun rose and settled on Chris's neck, and the taste of his words opened the five of your senses.
Chris's sudden proposal was unforecasted, just like every other sentence that came out of his mouth, but even with his thoughtless questions you would always think of Chris as someone kind when you looked for him in your memory. Maybe that made you fall in love with him, the fact that he was still a sudden child, and being with him brought out the girl that you had repressed so much in your early youth. Chris took you back to your childhood, he would wake up the sweet girl who was taking an eternal nap and forgetting to go out to enjoy the sunny day.
That same morning it was also sunny, maybe this moment was what you needed to make everything okay again.
“We’re going to walk together.”