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Maki hated children.
It wasn't something up for debate; she hated kids. The way they whined, the way they cried— she hated every part of them.
So, when she had to take a few tests, and saw two lines, the first thing she felt was anger.
Anger towards herself, anger towards the intruder growing inside her, and especially anger towards her husband. It was shown through her immediate actions of coming out of the bathroom, slamming the door, and stomping to the kitchen, where her husband was cooking. She (quite forcefully) placed the test down, glaring him in the eyes. Her husband, Kaito, only looked at her, confused.
"What's that?" he asked, glancing down at the test before looking back up at her. "Whose is that?"
"Mine, dumbass," she spat. "Whose else would it be?!"
"Well, I don't know, maybe Kaede's or something," he replied, calm and collected. "Why are you showing me a negative pregnancy test?"
" Negative ?!" she couldn't help but laugh dryly. "Look again."
He did as he was told, glancing down once again at the test. This time, however, he noticed the second line; bright and bold in fact. His face paled tremendously. He carefully placed down the whisk, before looking her dead in her blood red eyes.
"Two lines," he breathed. To hear him confirm it for himself only worsened it for her, as she groaned and buried her face in her hands. Kaito didn't exactly know how to react— while he did always want children, he knew Maki despised the idea, which he respected. While the first thing he felt was shock, the second thing was joy. "Two lines!"
"Don't sound so fucking happy," Maki muttered, only now realizing she was crying. She quickly wiped her face before anything could fall. "I never wanted this to happen."
"Well, hold on, are you like, sure you're pregnant? One-hundred-percent sure?" he had to ask.
"I took a few of them," she started, holding herself back from down-right sobbing. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to continue the sentence, so, she just studied his face, seeing the glimpse of joy he was trying to bite back. That only seemed to make her feel worse. She knew he wanted kids, and she didn't want to destroy his joy by being selfish and choosing herself over not only her husband, but the intruder using her to grow. It wouldn't be right to not only get rid of the intruder, but not let it live. Her parents were kind enough to let her live, so, it would only be right to keep it alive. Raising it, however, was something completely different. "I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do and I need your help."
Kaito breathed, running his hands through his curly hair. To be quite honest, he had no idea what he was going to do, either. "Okay. Yeah, um, okay. We...we need to talk this through."
"You don't say."
He huffed at her response. "Let's go...talk in our room."
"So...you're sure you want to keep it?" It was evident how shocked Kaito was, all things considered.
"I have no choice, do I?" she sniffled, wiping her blood-shot eyes. "I just don't know what to do. I'm not sure how to feel. Angry? Yes. Upset? Definitely. But I don't know how to express it without seeming like a 'bad person'."
"Well, you do have a choice, Maki-roll," Kaito sighed, leaning back on their bed. "You don't have to keep it if you don't want to. While it would be nice to have a mini you or me runnin' around, I'm not gonna pressure you to carry if you don't wanna. That's just straight up cruel!"
Hearing him say she didn't have to carry was a relief, but it was too late. She had already made her mind up on carrying it, so there was no point in contradicting it.
"And, hey," he spoke, grabbing her hand softly. "You ain't a bad person for not bein' happy about this. You didn't want kids, and you never planned to carry. It's okay, I definitely would never judge you. If you need to cry, scream, or whatever, I'm always here."
All of a sudden, she couldn't seem to hold her emotions down as she started to sob relentlessly into her hands. Kaito only signed, wrapping her in a hug. "I don't know what I want to do anymore."
"That's fine, Maki-roll," he replied, rubbing her back. "You don't have to know in this moment. How about we make an appointment, and not only get confirmation but see if they have any advice. You're definitely not the only person in the world who feels like this."
She only nodded. That seemed to comfort her a bit more, as she sniffled again. "I never meant for this to happen. I know you have things coming up and you don't have time for all of this. If only I was more careful, then maybe-"
"Maki-roll, quit it," he cut her off. "Don't apologize for somethin' like this. You're actin' like it's your fault, which, if anythin', it's mine. Granted, we should've been more careful per-say, but it's nobody's fault. Don't beat yourself up over this. Think of the future, think of the positives of this."
"There are no positives, Kaito," she contradicted him.
"Don't say that! Think of the cute little face, the little hands, the way it will be our baby, not just a baby! Those things are the positives of this."
One line from his 'speech' stuck with her. This kid won't just be some random kid, but it'll be their kid. This baby will have half of her, and half of the man she loved. That, for some reason, made this situation different. She didn't hate the idea like she thought she would, but, she definitely didn't love it. This was something that she was on the fence about. While she felt this strange attachment to the little intruder, she couldn't help but feel like it ruined her life. She couldn't go out and get drunk with friends anymore, she couldn't go to parties, she couldn't get high, she had to quit nicotine.
All of these things made her feel something, made her feel like nothing could ever hurt her as bad as this did. She was debating just drinking as much as she could to kill the thing, but, she fought against it. She wasn't that much of a monster.
Nevertheless, as days went on, and as she tried to progress emotionally, nothing seemed to work. She didn't feel emotionally attached to it, just physically. Maki knew she should've felt something for the intruder, but, she couldn't bring herself to feel anything other than remorse and guilt.
Kaito, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He couldn't wait to become a father, just like all his friends. Everyone he worked with had at least a toddler at home, and he couldn't wait to relate with them. Granted— most his co-workers were older, in their mid thirties, not their mid twenties, but it was still something he was excited to experience. How positive they all talked about their babies, how much they seemed to love and care for them— he was so excited. Kaito always wanted children; he wanted to give them the parents he never had. He had his grandparents, sure, but they were old. They didn't do things with him like play toys, or go to his school events, or even bring him to parks. He wanted to make up for that.
"How are you feelin' today, Maki-roll?" she was asked. He asked her this frequently, which started to get under her skin. She appreciated the sentiment— but she knew he wanted her to give him a positive response for once so he could talk about the baby. That was the last thing she ever wanted to talk about, though it was hard to ignore it when everyone around them knew.
"The same as yesterday, and the day before, and the days before that. Bad," she had to be honest. She saw him wince, before sighing. "I don't know what you expect me to say, Kaito. I'm tolerating this. I'm not happy."
"Yeah, I get that," he mumbled. "I just want ya' to stop beatin' around the bush and address the baby."
She cringed. "I'd rather die. I just want to get this pregnancy over with, have the baby, and just live peacefully."
Kaito snickered. " Peacefully ? With an infant? Maki-roll, all they do is cry."
"You know what I mean, idiot. I don't want to keep acting like this isn't affecting me. Once the baby is born maybe I'll come around. I'm not too keen on it being inside me," while her reasoning was flawed (she knew that wasn't the main reason as to why she felt remorseful towards the baby), it held a little bit of truth behind it. She never wanted kids, not only because she didn't like them, but because pregnancy was one of the only things that scared her. She refused to grow attached to it because it could still die. Maki couldn't handle that. So many things could go wrong durning a pregnancy, and because of that, it was one of the reasons she didn't feel she was emotionally attached to the baby.
"I understand," he spoke, but the glare he got made him restate what he said. "I mean like, I understand why you'd feel like that!"
"Whatever," she muttered. "Can you make yourself useful and make us breakfast? I'm starving."
"If I make your favorite can we please talk about them?"
"Depends on how I'm feeling after I eat."
"Y'know what, I'll take it!"
She really did not want to talk, at all. But, she also wasn't the type of person to keep empty promises. After she ate (which was amazing, if astronomy doesn't work out he should definitely look into cooking, she thought), she cleared her throat. "What about it do you want to talk about? Make it quick."
He looked over at her in surprise. "Oh, well, um..."
She raised her eyebrow. "Spit it out."
"Well, I'll ask you something. Would you rather want a boy or a girl?"
Maki looked at him. She never thought about it. "I don't know and to be honest— don't care. As long as it doesn't die. Why, what about you?"
"Well, personally, it would be really cool to have a mini Kaito junior!" Maki groaned. "But, a mini Maki junior would be just as great!"
"If it picks up either of our personalities, it's doomed," she smirked, Kaito giving a dramatic gasp. "It's either going to be extremely persistent or extremely bitchy. I don't know which I prefer."
"You're not bitchy, Maki-roll!"
"Who said I was the bitchy one?"
Six months.
Six long, paranoid months.
It had been six months, and she still, was not attached to the little intruder.
How long was this going to take?
She had been to so many appointments, so much time and money wasted. She was happy it was healthy, but that's the most positive she had been throughout the whole pregnancy. Maki was very grateful Kaito was so happy, she couldn't deny. This was one of the times where balance was needed. If they both responded negative, they'd drag each other down; they'd neglect themselves and the baby. Maki's response was to close off, and refuse to acknowledge that she was pregnant. Kaito's response was to be alert, focused, and take care of his wife. They were always balanced— which was one of the best thing about their relationship.
Maki stretched, yawning as she walked through the apartment. She could smell breakfast— which was always one of her favorite things to wake up to. She rubbed her stomach softly, feeling the small bump that began to form. It made her uneasy, as she swallowed forcefully. Waking up to that every morning always made her uncomfortable. It confirmed the reality; something she refused to do.
Nevertheless, she walked to the kitchen, leaning over the small island. "Hey, idiot."
"Maki-roll!" Kaito exclaimed. "Didn't think you'd be up right now, I was gonna make you breakfast in bed..."
She stifled her laughter. "That's very sweet, but why today?"
"Well I mean, we have an appointment today, a very important one. Just wanted to boost ya' mood before we went," she stopped, looking at him confused.
"What appointmen...oh," she sighed. "Right, yeah."
"Just wanted to cheer ya' up, so you weren't that gloomy that you wouldn't listen to what they had to say," his reasoning wasn't flawed. She gave him a small smile.
"Thanks," she mumbled, sitting on the chair now. "Still don't want to go, though. It's going to confirm this even more for me."
He turned around to give her a frown. "Maki-roll..."
She refused to look at him, choosing to look at the alcohol shelf. She didn't respond, so, he went back to cooking. The thoughts of just drinking a full bottle started to come back, as she forced herself to look away. She was too far along to even think about doing that.
"Hey mom, hey dad," the doctor greeted, Maki groaning and Kaito grinning. "Are we ready to see baby?"
"Of course!" Kaito responded, quite passionately. Maki cringed, removing her arms that were fiercely wrapped around her stomach. The doctor started the ultrasound, as his assistant was checking the monitor, making sure she got the right notes for the baby.
"Development looks great, they're definitely going to have a lot of hair...." he trailed off, circling an area a few times. "Wait.."
"What?" Maki asked, feeling this sense of franticness.
"Um, do you see that?" he asked his assistant, who looked at him and nodded. "Is that...?"
"It...appears so. Check again, it could be the monitor acting up."
"What's goin' on?" Kaito asked, now sharing the same panic as his wife. "Are they okay?"
"No, they're okay! We just...see something," he responded, going over the area once again. "Yeah, that's definitely another heartbeat."
"Another what?" Maki didn't want to believe what he was saying. "You're kidding."
"No, he's right. There's another baby. It seems to be hiding behind the other one, and it definitely seems like it's developing. I'm not sure how well, though," the assistant spoke, writing it all down. "They're identical, growing in the same sac. They're not conjoined as far as I can tell, which is good. I can also tell the gender, if you care to hear."
"I...what?" this definitely threw them for a loop. "Sure...?"
"I get how shocking this is. It's more common than you think."
"This cannot be happening," was all Maki replied, tearing up. "You're lying."
"I'm really not. If you care to look," they all looked at the screen. "You can see the small body, part of the head, and, the heartbeat. Congratulations."
Both parents sat in silence. They weren't sure how to feel.
Maki spoke up. "What are they?"
Kaito looked at her, shocked. He didn't expect her to actually respond.
"From what I see...they're girls. Congrats, you're going to have twin girls."
The car ride home was silent. That was, before Maki spoke up. "I don't know how to feel."
"I expected you to tear the doctors a new one," Kaito responded, focusing on driving. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I think I should feel angry? Upset? Like I was when I found out I was pregnant. But, I'm...weirdly okay with it? I mean, I'm definitely not happy about this at all, but, knowing that there's two, it didn't affect the way I feel."
"I mean...that's good, right?"
"I guess," she sighed. "How are you feeling?"
"Gonna be real with you, I'm so excited . I mean, like, yeah, it's shocking for sure, but, this shit happens. Nothin' I can do about it," he smiled. "And just thinkin' about how they could look, their personalities, all of it, it's exciting."
"Yeah," she breathed, bringing her hand down to her stomach once again, which felt weirdly bigger now that she knew what she did. "It's just, this whole thing has fucked me up. Physically and mentally. I don't know what I'm going to do after they're born body-wise. And..."
"And?"
She looked down. "I'm not fit out to be a mother. Kids deserve parents who can be emotionally there for them. I can't do that. I don't feel emotionally attached to them, at all."
"Not every parent is the same, y'know," Kaito spoke.
"Be as that may, I can't even imagine emotionally being there for them, as bad as that sounds. I don't emotionally feel anything for them," it was good to get this all off her chest.
"You don't have to right now. They're not here yet, so, there's no reason to feel attached. It's a lot different for dads and moms. You're actually carrying the babies, I'm just here for emotional support."
She hummed in agreement, not quite sure how to continue the conversation. "This is going to be expensive."
"A baby shower? No, no way."
"Oh come on, Maki!" Kaede pleaded. "They're a necessity!"
"For you, maybe," she replied, rubbing her stomach. "I'm not one for that type of thing."
"Please?" she begged, stressing the vowels. "I'll plan it, and I'll pay for everything!"
Maki bit her lip, refusing to make eye contact with the blonde. "I don't know."
Maki had to admit, Kaede's baby showers were always quite adorable, but, that seemed like a lot of effort. Plus, she'd have to dress nice, and she had no nice maternity clothes. She wore Kaito's old shirts and shorts.
"It'll be fine, I promise! C'mon, when have my parties ever sucked?" Kaede asked. "Just let me do all the work, you just find something pretty to wear!"
Maki sighed. "Fine. But, you're also cleaning up."
"Deal!"
Maki had settled on a darker red sundress she found. It was cute, and it fit her. She was eight months along— next month would change her life, and she still wasn't sure if she was okay with it.
Confirming that she was pregnant with not just one, but two babies was a lot at once. She was very grateful Kaito was there for her throughout it all, always looking on the positive side of things. He even took a few days off to not only build furniture for the nursery, but, to also fully decorate it (with some help from Angie of course). It did look adorable— it was a lilac color with stars and constellations painted all over the walls. There were two cribs, one changing table, and a bunch of shelves which held different things. Some held diapers, some held toys, others held clothes.
"Maki-roll! Are you almost finished gettin' ready?" she heard Kaito asked, as she finished her hair up.
"Yeah, I'm done. Are you?"
"Um...almost!" Maki sighed, walking out of their bedroom and into the bathroom, where he was currently struggling to do his hair. "I want to do something different for this."
"Why? It's nothing special, just spike it like you usually do," she could see how his face tensed.
"I would, but, all the gel is starting to damage my hair," he whined, ruffling his loose curls. "Can you help me? You're a master at doing hair."
He wasn't wrong; her and Kaito shared almost the same hair texture to a tee. Her curls were just a little looser than his. She wasn't sure where her's came from, but she knew Kaito's were from his grandparents, who weren't from Japan (somewhere in Latin America if she to guess).
"Yeah yeah, I'll help you. Sit on the toilet."
She simply wet it, detangled it, and scrunched it. "There. How does that look?"
"Different, I love it!" he exclaimed, grinning. "It looks amazing, Maki-roll!"
"It wasn't that hard to do, all I did was wet it, brush it, and scrunch it..." she trailed off, now looking at her own hair, which had been braided into one long braid. "Now, let's go, I know Kaede is waiting for us."
"So," Kaede started, taking a bite of her food. "Have you two thought of names yet for your girls?"
"No."
"What?!" Kaede looked shocked. "How?! When I was expecting Setsuko I literally could not wait to start looking for names!"
"I don't know. I just don't care that much to make it a priority," Maki shrugged, also taking a bite.
"You know you could go into labor any day now, right?" Kaede remarked, now playing with her food, bored of it. "It's really common for twins to be premature."
"Don't remind me..." Maki groaned, playing with her hair. "I'm terrified as it is, don't rub it in. They said I could give birth literally any day now."
"That's exciting, right?"
No, it wasn't , she wanted to say; she wanted to say how scared she was, how much she didn't want to be a mother, how physically ill the thought of birth made her. Instead, she settled on something else. "Not really, but it's whatever, it was going to happen anyway."
"You have to start thinking of names, or at least, ideas of names."
"We have thought of ideas." No they haven't, but she wanted Kaede off her ass.
Kaede only nodded, going back to eating. Maki assumed that was the end of the conversation, and scrolled on her phone mindlessly. "Thank you for taking me out today, Kaede. It'll probably be the last time for awhile."
"Aw, of course, Maki!" Kaede grinned. "And yeah, it'll be a little bit until we can hangout again. Kids are needy."
"Extremely," Maki agreed, a small smile creeping up on her face.
She laid in the hospital bed, hissing in pain. Her two girls— which were still unnamed— laid quietly in their hospital bassinet. Their birth was rough, long, and painful. Thankfully, it went okay for the most part; besides when twin B was born not breathing (it was because there was fluid in her throat, but that was something that was a quick fix).
"How are ya doin', mama?" Kaito teased, leaning over the railing of the bed. Maki cringed.
"Don't call me that. I'm okay, just glad it went fine," she responded, leaning into his touch when he started to caress her cheek. "We still need names."
"I've been thinking of a few..." he replied, looking over at the two infants. "But I didn't want to say anything just yet."
Maki raised an eyebrow. "Spill."
"Um, well, how about Asami and Asaki?" he asked, locking eye contact with his tired wife. He watched her face go from thinking, to debating, then softening. "If you don't like them, you could always choose them-"
"...I like them."
The names were confirmed when Kaito wrote out the certificates, which made this all so more real for Maki. She was now a mother of two, something she never thought she'd ever say. It was insane to think about.
As days went on, Maki finally understood how mothers were so attached to their children.
These two small things changed her whole life in just a few days. For as long as she could remember, she never wanted kids, or even wanted to think of them.
Maybe it is because they're her children, not just some kids she was forced to take care of that she had no connection with. The twins were half of her, half of the man she loved.
It was something that she would cherish for as long as she lived.
"Look at them," Kaito spoke, holding one infant in each arm. "Look."
"I am looking, Kaito. They're beautiful, I know."
"No, not just that," he responded, his voice hushed. The two dark-haired babies laid comfortably in the arms of their father, as they aimlessly glanced around the room. Their bright, violet eyes— so full of life searched the blank walls within their field of vision. "They're so young, but yet..." he stopped to look at them. "You can see how different they are. Sure, the physical differences, like Asami's birthmark on her cheek, or Asaki's button nose, but you can already see how different they're going to be. They're just like stars...
...Our stars."