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𝑰'𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌

𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒔

𝒓𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒔.

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒚,

𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒏𝒕

𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎.

- 𝑁𝑖𝑘𝑖𝑡𝑎 𝐺𝑖𝑙𝑙

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏: 𝐀 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌

・°˖✧

On the night of December 24, 2018, Gojo Satoru died.

You see, people believe that when a person suddenly dies, their soul travels to another world, in an alternate universe where they are needed the most. It was the sort of assurance that people hold on to. That perhaps, in another life, in another world, in an alternate universe, that person’s soul travels where they are needed the most. 

The concept of reincarnation was born out of that belief. It’s just that Gojo Satoru never believes in such things. 

Until he, himself, had experienced it.

“Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru…”

In the middle of the sidewalk crowded with people passing by, he stood there. In front of him is a silhouette of a man, so near yet so far. He could reach him yet he couldn’t. He didn’t want to, or he couldn’t. He doesn’t know which one it was that held him back.

“Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”

Maybe that question was what held him back from moving, from taking a step forward just so he could reach him.

The man’s voice faded and so did the noise around, the people walking past them looked like a blur of old movies that they had seen numerous times together. The busy street became a distant muffled sound in his ears until all but the man’s question remained echoing in his head. The man turned around and started to walk, getting lost among the blurring crowd, yet he still stood there, unable to reach him.

Satoru jolted awake, a tear trickled down the side of his eyes before he blinked it away. His ceiling has always been a dull witness to mornings like this one, when he was awakened by the same dream of a man he doesn’t even recognize in a place that seems familiar yet unfamiliar to him. 

Maybe he’s still not right in the head, he thought to himself.

After the accident a few months ago, when he was pronounced dead on 24th of December, it was pure miracle that he’s alive. Because how else can a man whose heartbeat had already stopped be alive after a few seconds? Even the doctors couldn’t explain what happened to him. Even Satoru couldn’t explain what he went through during that time, when his heart stopped beating. And ever since waking up, Satoru always had the same dream. It’s becoming more and more of a recurring nightmare more than anything now. It scares him how that particular scene feels so real, like a memory he doesn’t remember ever having or burying at the deepest corners of his mind.

After having a staring competition with his dull ceiling, Satoru decided to sit up, climbing down his bed to start off this day. 

“Let’s see…doctor’s appointment at 11,” he muttered, looking at the note in his phone. “First, coffee.”

Because he couldn’t start his day without a drop of caffeine in his system. But more than that, coffee is literally the only thing he could taste now. And not just any ordinary coffee, it has to be that one particular coffee in that particular coffee shop a few blocks near the Shibuya Station.

At nine on the dot, Satoru left his place to go to that coffee shop. It was a small establishment almost hidden in the crowded streets of the City. It was also an absolute miracle that he managed to stumble upon that coffee shop because his usual place was closed that day and like a man with withdrawal symptoms, he needed coffee so bad he thought he was going to lose his mind.

When he opened the door of the coffee shop, he stopped for a moment to take in a deep breath through his nose before letting it out through his lips and smiling.

“Still can’t smell a damn thing,” he muttered before proceeding ahead.

Although the coffee shop is small and cozy, there are quite a lot more people in the morning than in the afternoon so Satoru had to wait in line. When the person in front of him got his order, Satoru’s phone vibrated with a message and he took out his phone while taking a few steps ahead.

“I’ll have the usual,” he said without looking up. He frequents the coffee shop, going there twice a day, one in the morning and the other in the afternoon. So the baristas already knew what his usual is.

But a momentary silence suggested that the person in front of him didn’t know. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m new here so I don’t know what your usual is.”

Again, without bothering to look up while he was typing a quick reply to the person who texted him, Satoru spoke. “The most bitter coffee you have on the menu. No sugar, no cream. Just plain coffee.”

“We have free strawberry scones today, would you like one?”

“Sure,”

When Satoru finally looked up, the new barista already turned around and Satoru could only see his back while he was preparing his order.

“I didn’t catch your name, sir,” he said while preparing the coffee.

“It’s Satoru.”

On his first day as the new barista in that coffee shop, Geto Suguru’s first order is quite unusual.

Someone ordered the most bitter coffee on the menu. He did not question why. Everyone has their preference, Suguru thought to himself. 

“Satoru? Ah, that’s a nice name,” he muttered to himself before looking up to see the man who placed the order, ready to pay. 

But for some reason, the person’s eyes that were the color of clear blue sky stared at him, and those eyes held a certain emotion Suguru could not quite describe. It was as though the man was seeing a past in his own present. A memory in another life overlapping with the memory of this life. It was that transient moment in time when everything seems to make absolute sense.

It feels as though it finally made sense, why Satoru would always wake up from the same dream, crying over the same person, in the same place that was not quite the same as the City he lives in. 

It made sense, because the very person he always sees in his dream is right in front of him, calling his name.

“Satoru?”

He blinked once to clear his thoughts, twice to prevent a tear from trickling down, thrice just to make sure he’s not dreaming.

“Sorry,”

Satoru wasn’t entirely sure why he’s apologizing. Was it because this man called his name twice and he was spacing out. Or was it because he failed to reach him in his dream? 

When he was finally able to take full control of himself after momentarily getting lost in his own train of thoughts, Satoru paid for his coffee before turning around and walking to his usual spot. Four tables from the entrance, right next to the window where the sunlight would seep through, bathing him in the golden hour of the morning.

He sat down before looking ahead, to where the new barista is. He’s now talking to another customer, a closed-eyed smile on his face. 

Satoru touched his mug, his finger tip on the rim of the cup. But he couldn’t tear his eyes from the person ahead. How could someone look so familiar yet unfamiliar to him? 

Like this place, Satoru thought to himself.

Whenever he walks down the street, in the busy Shibuya Station or the sidewalk crowded with people passing by, he would always get a sense of familiarity and unfamiliarity at the same time. 

Like he had once walked in the same place but in a different life. 

Perhaps it was the intensity of his gaze that had made Suguru look at where Satoru is sitting, only to see the man already drinking his coffee.

Suguru couldn’t prevent the slight wince when he saw how Satoru was able to drink the most bitter coffee on the menu with no sugar or cream, just letting it go down his throat like water and relishing in the bitter aftertaste of it.

Satoru took a bite of the free strawberry scone. His face remained the same, his expression not changing as he took another bite of the sweet dessert. And when he’s done eating, Satoru stood up. 

He stopped before opening the door, looking back for a moment to see the new barista smiling once more. Again, that smile looks familiar and unfamiliar, as everything around him since the accident.

The appointment with his doctor went the same as usual. After that accident, they monitored him quite seriously. But surprisingly, they did not see serious damage. Except for the recurring dreams and the sense of deja vu, Satoru thought he might actually have to see a different doctor for that one which he couldn’t be bothered to do.

The accident did leave him with something else, although not serious, it left Satoru with the inability to smell or taste anything. The doctor said he might actually have to learn to live with that.

He did learn to cope with his lack of smell and taste with the bitter coffee, so on the same day, that afternoon, Satoru went back to the coffee shop.

“You again?” Suguru said when he saw Satoru in front of him again just a few hours after he watched him chug the whole bitter coffee like nothing. 

“Since you’re new here, I’ll have you know that I come to this coffee shop twice every day, order the same coffee and sit on the same spot over there,” Satoru said, pointing at the table where Suguru saw him sitting earlier that morning. “And by the way, I did not catch your name.”

“I’m Geto Suguru.”

Perhaps it was because his eyes are so blue, like if the sky and ocean meet, that even if it was a transient moment in time, Suguru noticed the emotion swirling in those clear blue eyes. 

“Suguru…huh?”

Satoru spoke like he knew the name all his life when it was the first time he heard of that name. 

“Well then, Suguru, I’ll have the usual.” Satoru took out his wallet before adding, “Oh, and is the strawberry scone still available.”

Suguru smiled before shaking his head no. At least his smile could alleviate the disappointment. “Unfortunately, we ran out of scones.”

“Damn, that sucks. Then, I’ll just have the usual.”

The most bitter coffee on the menu. Suguru was almost tempted to sneak just a cube of sugar in secret because he couldn’t comprehend how someone could actually drink it without any sweet to ease the bitter aftertaste of it. Even as he’s making the coffee, just the smell of it, Suguru could almost taste how bitter it is. 

But he refrained himself from doing something that a customer did not tell him to do. So once more, for the second time that day, Suguru made the most bitter coffee for the same person twice today.

“Here you go,” he said, handing the mug to Satoru after he paid. 

Suguru watched as he made his way to his usual spot. The afternoon sun bathed the spot in its golden glory that Suguru wondered how his eyes would reflect the sunlight. Like a clear blue ocean reflecting the afternoon sun.

Unlike mornings, the coffee shop doesn’t have as many customers during the afternoon. The soft piano plays in the background, making the cozy establishment more comforting compared to the noisy and busy street outside.

Satoru is looking out the window, his elbow placed on the table while his chin propped on his palm. His other hand is placed on the mug, letting the hot coffee cool down a bit. He watches as people walk past, a gaze that is almost full of unspoken melancholy from a memory he only remembers in his dreams. 

“Satoru,”

There was a sort of familiarity in the way he called his name and Satoru averted his gaze from the window to look at Suguru who is now standing in front of him before his eyes traveled to the small plate he’s holding.

“Looks like you’re in luck. I found one strawberry scone left.”

Suguru put the small plate on the table next to the coffee before he straightened up. When Satoru did not speak, he turned around and started to walk. But after taking a few steps, Satoru finally called his name.

“Suguru, thanks,” he said, and Suguru doesn’t need to turn around to know he’s smiling. Just his voice alone made it obvious that he’s grinning. 

Even though Satoru couldn’t taste anything, when he took a bite of the scone, the inside of his mouth tickled. But in the end, the scone tasted like nothing at all, and Satoru had to drink the lukewarm coffee before it goes cold, just to taste its bitter aftertaste that reminds him there might be hope. He can still taste the bitterness, even if it’s just an aftertaste. Like afterglow, he thought to himself.

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐: 𝐀 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐘

・°˖✧

Suguru didn’t think Satoru was serious when he said that he comes to the coffee shop twice every day. The man really frequented the coffee shop twice a day and never missed a day since the first day Suguru started working there. 

Now it’s been three months, and with the change of the calendar pages also comes the change in the weather. It started becoming considerably colder recently, autumn is such a beautiful season that it can make the surroundings look ethereal when everything else is dying, like the leaves, falling from the trees and decorating the ground in amber. The changing of the season reminded Satoru that he is not stuck in a time loop, even though sometimes he feels that he is. 

“Satoru, the same as usual?”

“Come on now, you’re still asking that, Suguru?”

What was once a strange familiarity in the way they call each other’s names no longer feels strange. Three months of knowing each other feels like three years, maybe that’s why they say time’s a relative matter. It’s slow and fast, it stretches and compresses, but it’s different to every person. How they perceive time when they’re with a stranger is different from how they perceive time when they’re with someone they know their whole lives. 

“Hey Suguru, what’s taking you so long?” Satoru called. “There aren’t any customers except for me today, you know.”

Satoru leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes, just letting the afternoon sun bathed his face, not cold and not hot, just the perfect amount of warmth that he relished before he heard the sound of the mug being placed on the table.

“No cream, no sugar, I made it extra bitter just the way you like it so be a little more grateful, Satoru.”

Satoru opened his eyes before he grinned and straightened up. “What are you talking about? I’m so grateful for your hard-work at complying with your good-looking customer’s demands.”

“Are we playing two truths and a lie?” Suguru asked, returning the smile. “I’m guessing the lie there is the ‘good-looking customer’ part.”

“I’ll have you know there’s no lie in what I said. I really am good-looking.”

“I would say you’re average.”

“You forgot the word ‘above’ average.” Suguru didn’t say anything, finding no point to argue further. “No, in fact, I broke the scale.”

“You’re right, you broke the scale for being too full of yourself.”

“Hey Sugu—”

“Yes, good afternoon!” Suguru straightened up when a new customer came and turned around, walking ahead.

It did not take long until Satoru’s smile fell and faded, and he averted his gaze to the window, watching the people and vehicles passing by. He would take occasional sips of the coffee once in a while, but he never averted his eyes from the window. Even after Suguru was done preparing the order of the customer who came in, when he looked at where Satoru sits, he noticed that he’s doing it again.

He is lost in his own thoughts again, like he’s living in his own world. It’s as if he is there but not quite there. 

The coffee did not last for half an hour. Satoru wished it would last for more than that, though. Now he’s just sitting there, looking outside as the sun hides behind the tall buildings of the City, along with an empty cup of coffee.

“Satoru,” Suguru called and Satoru finally tore his eyes from outside. “Coffee for your thoughts?”

Satoru’s smile seems reflexive. The smile lit his face and his eyes seemed to gleam, like a hundred fireflies were reflecting on it. 

“I wouldn’t mind having another one,” Satoru said, lifting his empty mug. 

Suguru brewed him another coffee. But he toned down the bitterness this time, almost instinctively. 

“The sun already set,” Suguru muttered, placing the mug on the table. “But it’s still a bit bright outside. What was it called again? Afterglow?”

Suguru stares outside, the light from the once glorious afternoon sun remains in the sky. And while he was lost in the utter beauty of the afterglow, Satoru found himself staring at him. 

Recently, his dreams have become more and more vivid. In fact, in the past three months, ever since he first met Suguru, Satoru’s dreams are becoming more of a memory. They were overlaying his own memories that sometimes he didn’t know if he’s living in this world or in another universe that’s eerily the same as this world. 

As his dreams become more vivid, so does the silhouette of the man. Satoru is certain now, the man he was so desperately trying to reach, so near yet so far, in the middle of the blurring crowd, the man he failed to hold on to. 

“Suguru,” he called, breaking the silence that fell between them. The afterglow faded and the sky darkened as the lamps outside lit up. “Where are we again?”

For a second, Suguru was confused before his expression changed into a gentle smile. “We’re in your favorite coffee shop, near the Shibuya Station.”

“Right, I thought I was dreaming again.”

“Dreaming?” 

“Ah, you wouldn’t believe it if I tell you,” Satoru said languidly, downing the bitter coffee like water gliding down his throat. Suguru had learned not to wince whenever he saw Satoru drinking that. 

“Try me,” Suguru said in a challenging tone. 

Satoru finished the rest of the coffee in his mug before putting the empty mug down. “Nah, I’ll tell you some other time.” 

Suguru shook his head, a smile still lingering on his lips, the smile that looks so familiar to Satoru.

“Ah, I almost forgot, do you have any plans tonight after work?”

“Why?”

Satoru took out something in his pocket and when Suguru saw what it was, his smile wavered for a bit. 

“Are those…movie tickets?” he asked slowly, just to make sure.

“Yeah, let’s go watch a movie after work.”

“What…” Suguru trailed off, cutting off the question before he could say it and instead let out a sigh and his smile widened. “Alright, but you need to wait for two hours.”

“I’ll wait, Suguru. I’ll always wait.”

It was the first time Suguru spent time with Satoru outside the small but cozy coffee shop. It extends their time together, even just for a few hours. But it wasn’t the last time they got to spend time with each other after the coffee shop closed. Because ever since then, they would spend a few hours going to arcades and playing video games like high school students after school, bringing back old memories of the past.

Whether those memories were of this life or of another life, Satoru still couldn’t figure it out.

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟑: 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

・°˖✧

When a person has a certain routine, like going in and out of a loop, it becomes concerning once that person stops doing his routine. You know, like walking in the same street or taking the same train every single day without a hitch. But when that person stopped walking in the same street or stopped taking the same train, the people who often see the person would all wonder the same. 

What could have happened to him?

That’s exactly what Suguru thought that morning when Satoru didn’t show up, ordering the same as usual. He thought he might be busy with other things so Suguru tried not to think about him while he’s working. But that afternoon, Satoru didn’t show up again. 

What happened to going to the coffee shop twice every day, ordering the same coffee and sitting in the same spot over there? 

The day started and ended without Suguru seeing even a shadow of that good-looking customer.

It’s getting colder now, he thought to himself when he got outside. The snow hasn’t fallen yet, but judging by how cold it had been for the past few days, it wouldn’t be long until the first snowfall of the year grazed this land. 

Suguru stopped for a second while he was walking down the sidewalk. After weeks of spending time with Satoru, it’s frightening how he had gotten used to walking alongside that tall man every single night after work. And now, his absence had made him actually stop for a moment to figure out what he was feeling all of a sudden.

“Just what in the world happened to you, Satoru?” he asked, taking out his phone and debating whether to call him or not. They were at the point of their relationship where they finally exchanged contacts, but Suguru doesn’t know if they were at the point of their relationship when a day’s absence would warrant one to call the other just to ask why he didn’t show up. 

“Okay, maybe not,” he concluded, putting his phone back in his pocket and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk. It’s filled with so many people that some of them even bump into Suguru’s shoulders, yet as many as the people are brushing past him, Suguru feels oddly alone on his way back home.

The next day, Satoru didn’t show up again. Even the inside of the coffee shop had gone a bit colder from his absence. 

Then, another day had gone without Satoru showing up. 

It’s been three days and Suguru was on the verge of calling him. And if he doesn’t answer, he doesn’t know what to do if he doesn’t answer. He guessed he’ll just follow his instincts by then, no matter how crazy it is. 

“Excuse me, may I have the usual?”

Suguru lifted his head quickly and his name came out of his lips just as quickly. “Satoru?”

“I’m sorry?” the man asked, confused for a moment before Suguru quickly apologizes.

“Sorry, I thought you were someone else. The usual Vienna coffee, right?”

“That’s right.”

After that, Suguru tried not to think about anything else but his work. When it became dark outside, the lights in the coffee shop were lit up. Suguru looked at the calendar and that day’s date was encircled in red.

He almost forgot what day it was. 

“It’s already December 24th?” he muttered before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Right, are you sure you’re fine being left alone here? You know we can close the coffee shop early tonight,” the manager said. “It’s Christmas Eve. You youngsters ought to spend this day with your boyfriends and girlfriends.”

“I’ll be fine here. There are still customers around,” Suguru answered with a smile. It’s not like he has someone to spend this night with after work. Not for the past three days.

The customers started to get fewer and fewer as the hours went by. The coffee shop closes at nine but at half past eight there were no longer a single customer around so Suguru decided to clean up. 

He stopped at the table where Satoru often sits, near the window where the sunlight perfectly seeps through during the golden hour. 

Perhaps he was so lost in his own thoughts that he failed to hear the door opening and closing and the familiar footsteps of a man until his voice broke the silence of the place.

“Coffee for your thoughts?”

For a moment, Suguru thought he was hearing his own thought, not until he saw his reflection on the window and standing behind him is—

“Satoru?”

He turned around and Satoru greeted him with a grin, like he wasn’t just gone for three consecutive days and had Suguru not just worried but questioning his own feelings.

“Just where— why did—” he couldn’t even construct a proper question because he had so many to ask all at once. He stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh of what he later realized was relief. “Where were you, Satoru?”

“Oh me? I was at the hospital.” Satoru said it so casually, like being at the hospital for three days was just normal for him. “You still have half an hour before you close, can I have the usual?”

Suguru let out a sigh again, this time it was no longer of relief. “Alright,” he answered and went to prepare Satoru’s usual coffee while Satoru sat on his usual spot. 

After a while, Suguru went back with two mugs of coffee and he placed it down on the table. “We were supposed to close early today and since there were no longer any customers except you, you wouldn’t mind if I joined you for coffee?”

“No, of course not!”

When Suguru sat down, Satoru noticed the coffees were the same. Their coffees were so dark the Christmas lights from outside the windows reflected on the liquid like tiny stars drowning in the bitterness of the beverage.

“Suguru, did you brew yourself the same coffee I always have?”

“Yeah, why?” he asked, holding the mug. “I wanted to try it once. It’s supposed to be the most bitter coffee on our menu but you always drink it like water.”

“Suguru, I don’t think you should try it at all.”

Suguru took the mug and lifted it up, looking at Satoru with an expression that clearly states ‘too late now’ before he took a sip.

Just a small sip, but that was enough for him to grimace at the taste as he put the mug down and coughed a few times. His cough was replaced by a loud laughter coming from Satoru who had no qualms laughing like that while Suguru almost saw his whole life flashed before his eyes.

“How can you drink something so bitter?”

“I guess I’m built different,” Satoru said, downing half of the coffee in his mug and Suguru watched as he gulped down the coffee, not wincing or grimacing at how bitter it was. 

For some reason, Suguru only thought of one thing. And he said it out loud before he realized it.

“Satoru, you…can’t taste anything, can you?” Suguru couldn’t think of any other reason why he would always order the most bitter coffee on the menu. It’s not like he enjoys the bitter coffee, it’s because he actually couldn’t taste anything and the bitter aftertaste left from it is the only thing he can make out of anything he eats or drinks. 

“Yeah, I can’t taste anything,” Satoru said, putting his mug down. “But I wasn’t always like this. I used to enjoy sweet food. It was after the accident when I lost my sense of smell and taste.”

“Accident?” Suguru asked, with that one word, his tone was full of concern. 

Satoru looked outside and his eyes lit up. “Look, it’s snowing.”

But Suguru did not tear his eyes from Satoru. What accident, he wanted to ask. But he waited for Satoru to continue speaking.

“It was snowing that night too, when I got in that road accident. I was young and wanted to dare death. I was speeding down the freeway, barely passing over the speeding limit. Then it started to snow, it was the first snowfall of the year. The road was damped from the thawing snow, it became slippery and dangerous and I guess death was down for the dare that night.”

A momentary silence fell between them, Satoru averted his gaze to look at Suguru. Their eyes clashed and neither looked away. 

“I had a traumatic brain injury because of that accident. It caused me to lose my sense of smell and taste. But the bitter aftertaste of this coffee became my only leverage at not losing hope that one day I might regain those senses again.”

Suguru was the first one to break eye contact, his gaze traveled down to the coffee in Satoru’s mug. Half-full and half-empty, while his mug is still full of the same bitter coffee that he knew had already gone lukewarm now. 

“It was last year, the accident. The night of December 24th, 2018. I was pronounced dead, and to think that tonight was supposed to be my first death anniversary.” Satoru’s chuckle was low and held nothing but the density of the words he said. 

It was snowing that night. 

The first snowfall of the year. 

They say the first snowfall is the perfect time for a lot of things. It’s the perfect time to confess their feelings to someone. It’s the perfect time to be with their loved ones. It’s the perfect time to wish for something the heavens above could only grant.

Unfortunately for him, it was also the perfect time to get into a road accident. 

The snow had made the road slippery and dangerous, but as though he’s a cat with nine lives he was speeding down the road with his Kawasaki Ninja 400 without a care in the world, barely going over the speeding limit.

It was like he’s challenging death. He’s daring death to take him, not knowing that death is up for the dare.

Everything happened so fast, faster than his brain could register the pain his body had sustained. 

And when his ears had stopped ringing, he could hear the sirens wailing in the distance, there were also the muffled voices of people around. His eyes are half-lidded, staring at the night sky and the snow falling gradually like time had slowed down to a lull.

“He’s breathing. Barely.”

“This is his ID.”

“Gojo…Satoru?”

The noise started to dull, the voices began to get more and more muffled and so did the wailing sirens sounding more distant. 

When he finally closed his eyes, he was met by darkness. It was an abyss of oblivion. A sort of comfort in the embrace of nothingness. 

The responders were able to take him to the hospital, with pulse beating barely, weakly, until the thin lines appeared in the monitor followed by a deafening sound of failing to save a life. 

The doctors tried, but when they realized only a miracle would save this young man, they stopped.

“Time of death, 11:45 pm. December 24th, 2018.”

Followed by that announcement was a momentary silence that surrounded the room. 

He’s dead. 

In that darkness that surprisingly provided him comfort, his whole life flashed before him. 

But something’s not right.

It wasn’t the life he lived, or at least, not that one he remembers living in this world. It was the life of another him, in another life, in another universe. 

“Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru?” 

“Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”

Time is a relative matter, and so it became non-existent in that abyss where he watches his whole life before his very eyes. It’s like watching a recording, a movie, and like that, it’s also bound to end.

The silence was broken by a loud gasp and the monitors started to beep. They believed only a miracle would save this young man but there is no such miracle that could bring him back to life. And yet there he was, breathing, heart beating. 

Gojo Satoru is alive.

It took Suguru a few minutes to absorb everything Satoru confessed that night. But it seems it wasn’t the only confession he was about to make before the night ended.

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟒: 𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒

・°˖✧

“Are you not going to drink that?” Satoru asked, nodding at the coffee that Suguru barely touched. “You should put sugar or cream, don’t let it go to waste.”

“You can have it if you want.”

“We’ll be sharing an indirect kiss, is that fine with…” Satoru trailed off when Suguru started pouring cream in his coffee before he could even finish speaking. He poured way too much cream, either on purpose or he just didn’t realize it because he was looking away, trying to hide the color that grazed his cheek.

The black coffee had almost turned white from too much cream and Suguru winced at how sweet it is now. Nonetheless, he finished the coffee, or cream, before taking the empty mugs away. 

“Suguru, let’s go,” Satoru said, standing up and Suguru nodded his head with a smile, knowing that they were back to their usual routine. 

They both walked outside the coffee shop and into cold Christmas Eve. Their hands in each of their pockets to keep them warm. 

“I told you once that I thought I was dreaming,” Satoru started, and for some reason they started walking slower. “And I said you wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”

“You can try me now, Satoru.”

“Right, I still don’t think you’d believe it though.”

“Just tell me.”

Whether Suguru believes him or not, Satoru just wanted to tell someone about that dream he always had. And more than anyone, he wanted to tell Suguru.

“Ever since the accident, I started dreaming of the same thing over and over again,” Satoru started. “In a place that’s familiar and unfamiliar to me. In a world like this yet unlike this. Then that dream started becoming more of a memory of a past I can’t recall ever living. What was strange was that, in my dream, you were always there. It’s like I knew you before I met you.”

Satoru stopped at the realization. The sidewalk was too crowded, perhaps that’s why Suguru didn’t realize it. He continues to walk ahead, just like in Satoru’s dream. 

Among the crowd of people passing by, the surroundings begin to blur. And Satoru could only focus on the man in front of him. So near yet so far. So reachable yet—

“Satoru,” Suguru called when he stopped and turned around. 

He’s going to walk away, is he? Satoru thought to himself. He had seen it a hundred, if not a thousand, times over. 

But instead of the same sequence, like a loop where he was trapped in, Satoru watched as Suguru walked back to him. 

“Am I…” Satoru started, voice no more than above a whisper. “...dreaming right now?”

“You’re not dreaming, Satoru.”

Suguru outstretched his hand and took Satoru’s hand from his pocket before he held it so tight and Satoru reacted to the touch.

“See? You’re not dreaming,” Suguru repeated. He was about to let go of Satoru’s hand when Satoru held it tighter. 

“Don’t,” Satoru said, holding Suguru’s hand back. “I’m not going to let go, so don’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving.” Suguru moved to stand by Satoru’s side and adjusted his hand so his fingers interlocked with his. “And I won’t let go, let’s keep each other’s hands warmer.”

Suguru squeezed Satoru’s hand, in a way just to assure him, before his eyes found a certain fast food establishment.

“Satoru, since it’s Christmas Eve, why don’t we have fried chicken?”

Satoru looked ahead to where Suguru was looking before he looked back. “Sure!”

He tugged Suguru forward and they didn’t let go of each other’s hands even after getting inside the establishment. Despite not being able to smell or taste anything, being in that place brought a memory to Satoru, whether it was a memory of this life or a past life, it barely matters now. 

After that, they both headed to a park nearby, where a lot of people went to view the light show. But it wasn’t the light show Satoru was interested in. 

There it was again, Suguru thought to himself. Satoru is lost in his thoughts again, in his own world. 

“Satoru,” Suguru called softly. “Coffee for your thoughts?”

Satoru turned his head to the side to look at Suguru but he realized they were so close that the tips of their noses touched. 

“Good idea! Let’s go back to the coffee shop and have coffee.”

Satoru started to walk ahead. “Satoru, we already closed the coffee shop hours ago.”

Satoru stopped while Suguru walked up to him. Then he took Satoru’s hand and entwined it with his. “Let’s go to my place, I’ll make you your usual.”

Satoru’s usual order. The most bitter coffee on the menu. Suguru had memorized how it’s made now. It was the first coffee he made on his first day as a barista at that coffee shop and Satoru was his first customer that he brewed coffee for.

When he’s done preparing Satoru’s coffee, Suguru headed back to the living room where he saw Satoru looking outside the glass door leading to the balcony. 

“Do you want to go outside, it might be cold though,” Suguru said, holding a mug of coffee and a glass for himself. 

“Nah, let’s stay inside.”

Satoru turned around and took the mug before his eyes found the glass that Suguru’s holding. “What’s that? A glass of milk?”

“Yeah,” Suguru answered.

“For real? Milk? At your age?”

“Shut up,” Suguru said, a hint of playfulness in his voice as they sat down. 

The silence engulfed them, but the silence was neither awkward nor heavy. It’s just there to comfort them, to let their thoughts wander around and when their thoughts become too loud, they seem to overlap with each other and at some point they were having the same thought.

They wonder what it would taste like if the bitter aftertaste of coffee collides with the sweet aftertaste of milk. 

It didn’t take long for them to stop wondering about it, because they already found the answer.

When their lips touched each other, there was a moment when time seemed to briefly stop. And when they tilted their heads to the side, when their lips moved in sync, parting them and their tongues battled for dominance, time started moving again. 

For how long the kiss lasted, neither of them had any idea. Whether it lasted for seven seconds or seven hours, it felt just the same. 

“How was it?” Satoru asked, still close to Suguru, that the tips of their noses almost touch. 

“Not too bitter and not too sweet,” Suguru answered. “It had the perfect aftertaste that leaves one wanting for more.”

Ever since the accident when he lost his sense of smell and taste, Satoru thought he had forgotten what sweetness tasted like. But the kiss was the best reminder of what it tasted like, because in the middle of the kiss, the perfect aftertaste that leaves one wanting for more, as Suguru said, exploded in his mouth. In that moment, the kiss deepened, and Suguru felt himself being pushed back. He did not fight it, he just let himself get pushed back more and more until his back hit the couch. 

“Hey Suguru, you don’t expect this to end with just a kiss, do you?”

“What?”

Satoru brushed his hair back before he leaned down, propping his hand on the couch beside Suguru. “Wanna do it?”

“I’ve…” Suguru looked away, somehow unable to look Satoru in the eye. “...never done it with a man before.”

“Same here,” Satoru said, leaning back before he started taking his coat and shirt. “Guess we just need to figure it out. As the saying goes, when there’s a hole, there’s a—”

Before Satoru could finish the godforsaken saying, Suguru cupped his face and sealed his lips. The kiss wasn’t like the earlier one, because it was initiated to shut Satoru up before he could ruin the mood. 

But the kiss is also an answer, a permission Suguru gave Satoru. 

“Enough talking now,” Suguru said when he leaned back.

Sure enough, they let their bodies do the talking. Pumped with adrenaline from the coffee and high from the caffeine in his system, Satoru instantly felt the quickening of his heartbeat. His body exudes a certain heat that Suguru doubts if they will need the heater because Satoru’s warmth is more than enough to warm his body as well.

It’s so warm and comforting that he could just fall asleep in his arms. 

The morning after that, the snow continued to fall. What started with a kiss also ended with a kiss, except for what happened in between.

“Coffee for your thoughts,” Suguru spoke when he noticed Satoru was lost in his own thoughts again. 

He put a mug on the table and Satoru took a sip. “I was thinking about how a person can meet a stranger who feels like they’ve known each other their whole lives.”

“Maybe they do,” Suguru said. “Maybe they know each other in another life.”

“Like I’ve known you in another universe, Suguru.”

“And we meet again in this universe, Satoru.”

Now, ever since they see each other getting lost in their own thoughts, they would call out each other’s name, followed by the phrase ‘coffee for your thoughts’, and they would brew each other their favorite coffees before they share their thoughts with each other. Because they don’t want either of them to get too lost in their own thoughts. 

Even if the Gojo Satoru in another life believed that there is no curse more twisted than love, the Gojo Satoru in this life believes that love does return, reincarnated in different human forms. 

Chapter Text

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕

𝒊𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔.

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒈𝒏𝒊𝒛𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍

𝒘𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆

𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏.

- 𝐾𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐾𝑜𝑗𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟓: 𝐀 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑

・°˖✧

On the night of December 24, 2019, Gojo Satoru was brought back to life.

It was in a sense that he found the life he had thought he lost in the past, coming back to complete him on the same night he was supposed to die one year prior. It was the life of a person he treasured the most in a world that is far from where he is now, far from where they are now. And if there was a flame of a dying ember inside his heart, it was reignited that night. It continues to burn for a time neither of them bother to consider. 

Because how else can they consider a time spent together, when time becomes nothing but a distant memory, as it slows down, as it dwindles, as it becomes nothing but a miniscule obstacle in the time they spend together. It matters less than the fact that they are together in another world, in another life.

But to Gojo Satoru, even after all the things that occurred, the dreams continue to wake him up every morning with a tear trickling down his eyes.

This time, however, it didn’t wake him just in time. 

“If you want to kill me…kill me.”

In the midst of the blurring crowd of people and the noisy street of Shinjuku, those words ring in his ears like echo in a dark and empty tunnel. 

“There’s meaning in that too.”

How is there a meaning in killing him? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand. It’s like his genius level mind is failing him right in that moment, or he chose to ignore everything else, including the sense out of every word he left to him that day. 

He watched him turn around, in slow motion, like time is allowing him to stop the man from leaving. It’s just that he failed to recognize that time had given him a sliver of a chance in that moment. A chance he wasted by standing there, watching him walk away, watching him leave, watching him get far, far away, so unreachable now, slowly fading behind the blurring crowd of people and the noisy street of Shinjuku came back in full blast.

“‘...toru…”

“Satoru…”

There’s a familiar voice calling out to him. The voice of a very important person in his past life, who is also becoming equally important to him in this current life. That soft voice like feather light kisses on his forehead, bringing about the nostalgia of past events that never occurred in this life, but in another.

“Satoru,” Suguru called for the third time that morning. He was sure of it now, Satoru is dreaming. The tear that trickled down his temple was proof of it. Suguru had wiped the tear but another betrayed the sleeping man beside him. 

Satoru moved ever so slightly, his forehead creased and a silent grunting sound escaped his lips. It looks like he’s struggling to wake up, to escape from that dream before it turns into a nightmare of the past event that never occurred in this current life.

“Hey Satoru, it’s time to wake up now.”

As though that voice managed to penetrate his subconscious, making its way into his dream, before Satoru could go back to that particular moment in the past, he jolted awake. 

The moment Satoru opened his eyes, Suguru could see how his azure eyes lost their focus for a few seconds, as though he was still trying to grasp reality. Which was real and which was a dream. Surely, the man in front of him is real.

He is real, Satoru thought to himself.

He is real, he repeated, this time, with certainty in those words.

“Suguru,” he whispered the words like he was afraid the man would say the same things he said in his dreams. But instead of that fear taking shape into reality, Suguru smiled.

“Yes,” he said. “It’s morning now. I’ll go and make us coffee.”

Suguru climbs down the bed, leaving Satoru to stare at the ceiling that he’s slowly becoming more and more acquainted with as he spends nights at Suguru’s place. But it was no longer just the ceiling that bears witness to mornings like this. Suguru had seen it too, the mornings when Satoru would be woken up from those dreams with tears blurring his vision.

After a while of gathering his thoughts, making sure this is his reality and not the dream that continues to keep him company in his sleep, Satoru decided to climb down the bed. 

When he got to the kitchen, he saw Suguru, back turned to him. His hair is already tied in a bun, wearing a shirt that looks a bit too big for him but suits him nonetheless. He’s busy brewing coffee that Satoru can now faintly smell. 

Satoru continues to walk, Suguru unaware of his presence because he was too preoccupied with brewing Satoru’s coffee. Until Satoru stopped right behind him and put both his hands on the counter, caging him in. Suguru stopped stirring the coffee before his shoulders relaxed from tensing up instinctively at the sudden presence behind him.

“Sneaking up on me like that so early in the morning,” Suguru muttered, a smile in his tone.

Satoru propped his chin on his shoulder before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose, holding it in for a few seconds as the steam from the freshly brewed coffee lingered around before he let out a sigh. 

“Can you smell anything?” Suguru asked. 

“A bit,” Satoru answered, opening his eyes but he didn’t move, his chin still propped on Suguru’s shoulder. “Smells good. Probably tastes good too.”

“Probably?” Suguru asked, raising an eyebrow at Satoru’s intentional choice of words.

“But nothing tastes as good as you.”

He finally leaned back and Suguru instantly felt the absence of the weight on his shoulder. Oddly enough, or maybe it wasn’t that odd, the weight of Satoru’s chin on his shoulder didn’t feel so bad. In fact, Suguru liked it. He realized he likes it when Satoru is leaning on him.

“Can I have a taste first?” Satoru asked and Suguru lifted the mug.

“Sure, here,”

But a second later, Satoru put his hand on the rim, pushing it down. “Not the coffee, you.”

“Wha—”

He was, of course, cut off before he could say a single word. Satoru took that opportunity, with his lips slightly parted, he sealed his lips in a soft peck. Until that peck turned into a kiss, the kind that Suguru could feel his tongue inside his mouth, the kind that takes his breath away and makes his heart beat increasingly wild like he was the one who chugged all those coffees every day. The kiss that he knew will last for so long it will literally take his breath as Suguru put his hand on Satoru’s chest and slightly pushed him back to tell him it’s enough.

His face had gone red, his lips glossy, as he takes in a much needed air before he looks at Satoru. “The coffee will go cold.”

“Then you can brew me another one later.”

“I thought you hate wasting coffee? Now that you have your own personal barista, you think it’s fine wasting the coffee I carefully brewed?”

“Having my own personal barista, huh?” Satoru asked, but his question required no sort of answer. “I like the sound of that. By the way, I’ve always wanted to ask this. Where did you learn how to brew coffee?”

Suguru was silent for a few seconds, like the answer was not as simple as Satoru thought it would be. Like there was more to it than what he expected.

“I’ll tell you some other time,” Suguru said, a hint of mischief in his voice to hide something else. And Satoru didn’t notice at all, because he remembered that time when Suguru asked him about his dream and Satoru said he wouldn’t believe it if he told him so he’ll tell him some other time.

“I’m not going to brew you another one if this one goes cold,” Suguru said in a threatening way before he averted his gaze to the side and unconsciously lifted his hand up to his neck, rubbing a particular spot. “Besides, haven’t you had enough last night?”

Satoru’s eyes followed Suguru’s hand and saw the mark he made there last night, bordering between a teenage boy in love and a man who wants to mark what’s his. Satoru held Suguru’s hand that was on his neck, holding his wrist before pulling his hand down. He was quick to peck his lips again, but this time, it was just a peck and Satoru took his mug of coffee before going to the kitchen island where he sat on the stool while Suguru was left standing there before shaking his head.

Looking at him, Suguru thought to himself, he was just crying in his sleep a while ago and now he’s all happy and smiling. Suguru still wonders what kind of dreams Satoru is experiencing to warrant those tears every morning. He wouldn’t talk about it, and Suguru never asked.

Maybe he should ask, maybe he shouldn’t. But the tears don’t seem like they were out of joy. They seem tears from losing someone precious to him. And Satoru’s tears started to ricochet to him, because earlier, Suguru felt like crying too, when he heard Satoru called out his name in his dream.

The next few days went by in a blur, like a recording being fast forward. Once again, Suguru woke up to the sight of those tears threatening to fall from Satoru’s closed eyes. Was it the same dream again, Suguru thought to himself.

“Satoru,” he called again, before Satoru could fall deeper into the dream that is making those tears betray him every morning. “Please wake up.”

It was a silent and soft pleading that made its way to Satoru’s dream again and like a spell that he is bound to, Satoru opened his eyes. But the tears slid down, and more tears blurred his vision. 

“Ah, Suguru, why’d you have to leave?”

“I didn’t leave,” Suguru said, his voice soft and reassuring. “I’m right here.”

But his words seem insufficient to stop the tears from streaming down his face. And when his words were not enough, Suguru leaned down and planted a kiss near Satoru’s eye, prompting him to close an eye while Suguru was kissing away his tears. And when Suguru leaned back, the tears stopped flowing and Satoru’s eyes cleared. 

“Ah, Suguru, you’re here.”

“I never left.”

But he did, in his dreams, he left. In this life, will he leave too? Satoru had never been more afraid in his life than knowing the answer to that question.

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟔: 𝐀 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄

・°˖✧

When they say time is the only constant thing in a world that constantly changes, it contradicts the thought that time is a relative matter that’s different to every person individually. Time is never constant to each person whose perception of it depends on the people they are with. But perhaps, it was because it is a constant thing, that it constantly differs to each and every person.

It was autumn when they first met as strangers in this world. Winter when they realized they were no longer just two strangers. Spring is when they started living as two lovers whose souls recognize each other. 

It’s been more than half a year since they first met each other in that small but cozy coffee shop hidden in the busy street of Shibuya. When he first brewed him coffee, thinking how strange it was that someone had ordered the most bitter coffee on the menu. 

After making himself a tea with milk that he realized was better than just plain milk, Suguru joined Satoru at the kitchen island, settling down on the stool beside him. Sundays are when they would spend the most time together and most of the time, Satoru would sleep over at Suguru’s place, though again, most of the time, they didn’t get much sleep. Satoru’s reasoning why he prefers Suguru’s place was because he has everything in his kitchen to make the perfectly brewed coffee in the morning. Satoru only has the most conventional way of making instant coffee.

“You know, Satoru,” Suguru started, watching as Satoru took a sip of that bitter coffee. “You were the first customer I brewed coffee with at my first job at the coffee shop.”

“Just say I’m so very special to you,” Satoru said, grinning. “Come on, say it. You’re the most special person in my life, Satoru . You don’t need to be so roundabout with it.”

“What I’m trying to say is, I was surprised when you ordered the most bitter coffee on the menu.”

“Was it too surprising?” Satoru asked, genuinely wondering if it was. When he saw Suguru that day, he didn’t seem too surprised. Or maybe Satoru was just so lost that day, he was so lost in his thoughts, wondering how a person can look so familiar and unfamiliar to him at the same time.

“When I first saw you come to the coffee shop that morning, I immediately thought you’d be someone who enjoys sweets more than anything.”

Satoru stopped, his hand froze for a second but quickly composed himself so Suguru did not notice the slight change in him.

“I used to,” Satoru said, with no hint of melancholy in his voice. It was well-hidden behind that smile that he perfected over the years. “I used to enjoy eating lots of sweets. But when I couldn’t taste them anymore, I stopped eating sweets. I told myself that only when I regain my sense of taste will I start eating sweets again.”

“Hmm, I see,” Suguru said, but the conversation did not end there.

“It just depresses me, whenever I try to eat something sweet and taste nothing at all. It was so depressing. But I have gotten over it now!”

“Depressing, huh?” Suguru asked, but his tone was so low that Satoru didn’t notice it at all. “Then why did you accept that free strawberry scone that day?”

Satoru’s only response was so simple but there really was nothing else to it than that. “Because you offered.”

“Not because it’s free?” Suguru asked in a joking way.

“I’ll have you know, I can buy a dozen of that scone!” Satoru said in defense, earning a light chuckle from Suguru who shook his head. “But hey, how’d you know I like sweets?”

Suguru’s chuckle faded but a faint smile remained on his lips as he averted his gaze. “Just a hunch,” he answered.

“You have a good hunch.”

“You think so?” Suguru asked, looking back at Satoru to see him downing the rest of the coffee in his mug so Suguru did the same with his tea and the silence lingered around them before they both emptied their glasses.

“Hey, Suguru,” Satoru called when Suguru stood up to take the empty glasses to the sink. “When I regain my sense of taste, I want you to make me the sweetest coffee for me.”

“Sure,” Suguru said, his back turned to Satoru as he started rinsing the glasses. Until he felt Satoru behind him, taking the glass and drying it with a towel. 

“It’s a promise,” he said and Suguru smiled.

“I promise,”

Satoru took the other glass and dried it before putting it down. “But you know, they do pinky swears when sealing promises.”

“What? You want us to pinky swear? That’s so childish.”

“No, I want it to be sealed with something else, not with a pinky swear.”

“With what then?” Suguru asked.

What Satoru did to seal that promise was even more childish. Or perhaps not. Maybe he just found another way to kiss him again. To seal that promise with a kiss that felt like it lasted a lifetime sure was childish, but also very stimulating as the kiss deepened and Suguru felt himself being pushed back a few steps until he felt the edge of the kitchen island pressing on his back. 

When Satoru leaned back, he had a triumphant smile on his lips. “There, it’s sealed.”

“That kiss…” Suguru muttered, a little bit out of breath. “...could seal a dozen promises.”

“Just one promise is enough. A dozen promises are sealed with something much more than a kiss.” The side of Satoru’s lips turn up in a smirk that suits him much more than a smile would. And Suguru knew just what it was he was talking about. “But I don’t need a dozen promises for now. Like I said, just one is enough.”

A promise that was sealed by a kiss, one is enough for him, at least for now. Satoru doesn’t need Suguru to make another promise. There will be some other time when he could make him promise that. But not now, not when it hardly matters at the moment. Satoru made him promise to brew the sweetest coffee once he regained his sense of taste because there is a possibility of him regaining it. But he doesn’t want Suguru to promise not to leave, because if he does, it means there will be a possibility of him leaving and Satoru doesn’t want that. He doesn’t know if he could live with that, just as he did in his past life. 

But did he really? Was he really able to live with the reality of him being gone? No, he wasn’t able to live with that reality. His dreams always end after he dies. He always died in his dream, time and time again, on the same day he was supposed to die in this life. That only means in his past life, where his soul belonged, he couldn’t live with the reality that Suguru is already gone. That’s why he died with him, on the same day, but in a different year.

“Satoru,” Suguru’s voice was what brought him back to reality, this reality. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Satoru said, stealing another kiss, short and feather light, before he left. Yet, even after he left, Suguru could still feel his lips against his, lingering with the bitter taste of coffee and the sweetness of the tea he just had. 

When Satoru was alone during nights like this, his dreams felt longer than when he was with Suguru. Perhaps because Suguru would wake him up, his voice would penetrate his subconscious, urging him to leave behind the dream that already occurred in another life. Because why does it matter now? 

“If you want to kill me, kill me.”

He still doesn’t understand his words. Yet the words carry a weight heavier than anything else in this world. Why would he want him to kill him? Doesn’t he understand? No, he doesn’t understand at all. 

“There’s meaning in that too.”

Perhaps there is a meaning in that. There is a meaning. Because once he kills him, he’ll die too. At least, a part of him will. And what is the essence of being the strongest if a part of him already died with the most important person in his life? There is a meaning in killing the strongest, even if only a part of him ends up dying.

He took time for granted, he took the precious sliver of a short-lived moment that time had given him to reach him back, to stop him from leaving, from continuing to move forward until he was long gone in the blurring crowd of people. Satoru took time for granted, in the most arrogant way possible.

Will he take time for granted again in this life, when he is no longer the strongest in this world?

It was autumn when they first met as strangers in this world. Winter when they realized they were no longer just two strangers. Spring is when they started living as two lovers whose souls recognize each other.  

What will summer bring, now that Suguru realized time is moving at a pace that is much faster than before. Suguru started perceiving time in a way that seems like pages being blown by the wind, it started moving fast, moving quick, flying by, because he’s already fallen for him.

And before he knew it, it’s summer once again.

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟕: 𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄

・°˖✧

The change in the weather was gradual, but to Suguru, it was more sudden than anything. He just woke up one day and the weather reporter was talking about the rise in the temperature that is to be expected throughout the week. He felt the rising heat temperature before the news reported all about it. The change in the weather was accompanied by a lot of changes, changes that Suguru isn’t sure about experiencing again. 

“Satoru…” Suguru muttered, this time, he wasn’t calling Satoru to wake him up from his dream. “Satoru, can you move a bit? It’s hot, can you please move?”

Satoru’s arm is wrapped around his waist, his other arm placed under his head which Suguru was sure he’ll end up complaining about cramps when it was Satoru who put his arm under his head in the first place. 

“Move,” This time, it was more of a command than a pleading and Suguru heard a muffled sound of protest behind him before he felt Satoru’s arm loosening around his waist and he was able to push him back before he sat up. 

Maybe it was the lingering feeling from last night, but it really is hot. He noticed the sunlight that managed to penetrate through the window, the days had also gotten longer than the nights. But when he’s with Satoru, nights always feel short regardless of the solstice.

When the heat became unbearable, Suguru took his shirt off and headed to the bathroom where he immediately turned the shower on, not even bothering to adjust the water temperature, as cold water fell on his body. He didn’t even shudder, it felt like he didn’t even feel a thing. He let the cold water glide down his body, his hair getting drenched as it sticks on his nape. He put his hand on the wall, his head lowered down as he watched the water flowing down the drain and for a split second, he thought he had seen blood. 

He closed his eyes and instead recalled the things he and Satoru did last night, just to occupy his mind, just so it wouldn’t wander back to that time when there really was blood flowing down the drain. 

Satoru was still asleep when Suguru had gone back from the bathroom and he was still asleep after he left the bedroom. He headed to the kitchen to make breakfast, it’s his routine everyday, the only difference is that when Satoru is around, he’d add one of everything he is making. Except for the drinks, while he has tea with milk, he’d make Satoru iced coffee. 

“And what do we have here?” Satoru’s voice came from behind, not too close but not too far. “A feast for the eyes only I can see.”

The feast for the eyes he was talking about was Suguru without his shirt on, his back muscles all for Satoru to see while Suguru is making him his daily dose of coffee. Satoru made his way up to Suguru and just like he often does, caged him between his frame and the kitchen counter with his arms propped on the edge of the counter.

“Hey, did you take a shower already?”

“It’s hot,” Suguru said, his voice low and languid. “So please, can you move back?”

“But you’re hotter.” 

Suguru could feel him snuggling closer, his nose buried on the crook of his neck. On any other occasion, Suguru would have let Satoru do as he pleases. He rarely ever denies his whims. But today, more than before, Suguru feels suffocated. 

“Please,” he muttered, and the weakness of his voice was what pulled Satoru back to his senses. 

“Sorry, are you not feeling well?” Satoru asked, leaning back and Suguru took that chance to walk past him. “Did I overdo it last night?”

“No, it’s not that.” Suguru rubbed the back of his neck before he brushed his hair back and tied it in a bun. “It’s just a bit too hot today. I don’t feel like doing—”

“Ah, right! It’s officially summer now!” Satoru sounds like a kid who just left school for his long awaited summer vacation. His eyes gleam like the clear blue ocean on a bright summer day, like today. “Hey, Suguru, how about we go to Okinawa? No, let’s go to Okinawa. I’ll book us a flight.”

“Satoru, you do know how far Okinawa is right?” Suguru asked, trying to make sense out of this overly enthusiastic child trapped in a young man’s body. “I have work.”

“Can’t you use your day-offs? We’ll go on the weekends.”

“Why Okinawa? There are lots of beaches near Tokyo. Okinawa’s too far.”

That’s right, why Okinawa? Satoru didn’t know why Okinawa first came to his mind. Maybe because it’s already a famous spot for summer vacation. But it’s not that. It’s something else, something akin to deja vu. Like he had been there before when this will be his first time going to that place. And there it goes again, the feeling of familiarity and unfamiliarity at the same time. 

“You don’t wanna go?” Satoru asked when Suguru had gone quiet for a while.

“No, not now. Let’s go some other time when I’m…” Suguru trailed off. When he’s what? He was supposed to say when he’s feeling better but he already said he’s not feeling unwell. Satoru’s already waiting for him to continue but he doesn’t want to worry him. So with a closed-eyed smile, Suguru continued. “Some other time, Satoru.”

Satoru’s pout is small but it’s there, the slightest purse of his lips as he puts his phone down. “Alright, you promise.”

With his lips still slightly pursed, Suguru planted a kiss, soft and gentle, like his voice. 

“Promise,” he said. 

They started to eat breakfast, but it was more like Satoru is the only one eating and he doesn’t seem to notice it. Because whenever he looks up, Suguru makes sure to take a bite of the food. But the truth was, he had already lost his appetite. 

“Then, how about we go on a date next week?” Satoru asked. “It’s been a while since we last went out.”

“Sure, let’s go on a date if that’s what you like,” Suguru said, his choice of words had gone unnoticed. If that’s what Satoru likes, how about what he likes? Suguru really doesn’t feel like doing anything throughout summer. He just wants summer to be over soon. 

Suguru doesn’t particularly know if it was because Satoru is not around that he actually has a harder time falling asleep than usual. Or maybe it was because when Satoru is around, he would tire him out to the point that he’s almost close to passing out. The guy always had monster stamina. But no, that wasn’t the case at all. Suguru knew it wasn’t, he knew what’s going on with him, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge it.

Acknowledging it will just make it worse, at least, that’s what he believes. And everyone is entitled to their own belief. Suguru doesn’t want to believe it’s coming back. The thing he had already buried at the deepest corner of his mind is coming back to mock him again. It’s coming back to remind him that he failed in putting it away. 

Along with the change in the weather, more people frequented the coffee shop. They would order cold beverages to soothe the heat. Satoru is consistent in his routine, he’d come during the mornings to order his usual and come back during the afternoons to order again. 

Nothing much changed when it comes to their everyday routine, but Suguru feels like a lot of things changed along with the season. He knew then, that those changes were all in his head. He just doesn’t want to acknowledge them.

A week later Suguru found himself on the promise date. It wasn’t anything unusual, they just ate at a fast-food restaurant that held a shared memory. It was the same place they spent their first Christmas Eve together. Then they visited a few places around. Maybe that’s why by the end of the day, Suguru felt exhausted. Mentally and physically. Whether one weighs heavier than the other, Suguru felt way more exhausted than usual.

“Let’s go to the arcade,” Satoru suggested, but his suggestion sounds absolute and cannot be refuted. Suguru didn’t want to say no either, Satoru looks way too excited to be denied going to the arcade. 

“Sure,” he said and let Satoru practically drag him inside. 

The arcade is full of young people who have too much free time now that school is over. It’s filled with the chatter and sounds of video games, neon lights dancing around the corners. The arcade held so many memories of a past in another life, and to make up for it, Satoru wanted to create new memories of this place in this life as well. 

“Hey, Suguru, let’s make a bet.”

“I’m all ears,” Suguru said and Satoru leaned closer to him. 

“Whoever wins the most here gets to be the top tonight.”

“Why? You want to bottom so bad?” 

Satoru didn’t answer. The exhaustion that Suguru felt alleviated a bit after making that bet. It sure was an interesting bet, a change he is glad to take for once. But unfortunately, by the end of it, Satoru won the most games in the arcade. Suguru was sure he just let him win twice just so he would continue to play because there’s really no point in continuing if he just keeps losing. 

Nonetheless, except for that bet, Suguru did have fun. It was like he was back in his high school days again. And Satoru feels the same. But it seems they’re reminiscing different memories of a different past in different worlds.

That weekend date was probably the last time Suguru felt genuinely happy. After that, as days seem to blur by in monochromatic colors, Suguru’s smile is starting to get less and less genuine. He had to smile when greeting customers, he had to smile when he’s with Satoru, but smiling can be so exhausting. The summer heat just worsened and it felt like it’s already been ten years when in reality, it’s only been ten days since they went on the arcade date.

The thing he didn’t want to acknowledge only grew to mock him every passing day. Of all the things that could come back, why does it have to be that, Suguru thought to himself. At some point he didn’t realize the smile he tried so hard to keep slowly faded, day by day, until he’s no longer smiling the same way again. 

Dark circles started to appear underneath his eyes, and the barista uniform that fit him perfectly no longer does, even his shirts seem larger than before. He tried to hide the subtle changes in his appearance, but Satoru has a good eye for noticing those subtle changes. He started changing too, the far-off looks he used to carry in those eyes seem to vanish, he no longer seems like he’s lost in his thoughts. Satoru also started to laugh a lot, his smiles had gotten bigger, more genuine. 

“Suguru,” Satoru called while they were walking down the sidewalk that night. There is a question that lingers in Satoru’s mind, a question that bothers him for a while now. It bothers him because the question felt like he had asked it once before. 

“Have you lost some weight? Are you feeling alright?”

It felt like he couldn’t stop himself from not saying that. It felt like he had asked him the exact same question once before. Not in this life, but in another. And Suguru’s answer, Satoru felt like he knew his answer before he said it out loud.

“I’m fine,” Suguru said, his voice low and nothing more than a whisper. His next words are what Satoru realized he dreaded to hear. Because he felt like he had heard it before. “It’s just the summer heat.”

And then it all came back flowing in his mind. The dreams he always had came crashing to him like stars falling from the heavens above. So heavy with gravity that it made him literally stop walking, and because he’s holding Suguru’s hand, Suguru had abruptly stopped as well.

“No,” Satoru said, almost in a trance. “Don’t say that.”

“What?”

Satoru’s eyes are wide, his eyes held something akin to fear. “Suguru, it’s not just summer heat, isn’t it?”

It was no longer just a deja vu, it was no longer just a sense of unfamiliar familiarity, Satoru had seen this before, in his dreams. He had heard those words before, in his dreams. In another life, in another world, Suguru said it’s just summer heat too. But it wasn’t. It never was. 

“What are you talking about, Satoru?”

“It wasn’t just summer heat. You’re…not feeling well. You’re feeling depressed, you’re sleeping less, you’re eating less. This isn’t just summer heat, this is depress—”

“Satoru, are you a doctor?” Suguru asked, cutting him off. Then, Satoru felt his hand, Suguru tried to let go of his hand but Satoru held it tighter. “Don’t tell me what I feel. You don’t know what I feel and think.”

“No, Suguru. You’re not feeling well. Let’s—”

“No,” Suguru said, when he felt Satoru’s hand loosened even a bit, Suguru took his hand back even if Satoru’s nails scratched his hand. “That’s enough, Satoru. Don’t say anything anymore.”

But as stubborn as Satoru is, he continued speaking. His voice more desperate, his eyes holding a mixture of fear and pleading. 

“Suguru, please listen to me. You need to get it checked. I know it must have been hard but I also know you’ll get through it.”

“Because you can?” Suguru asked, the light in his eyes fading before Satoru’s very eyes. “If it’s you, I bet you can get through it easily. You said so yourself. You said when you lost your sense of taste and you couldn’t enjoy the sweets you used to enjoy, it was depressing. But you got through it. You think it’s easy for me because it’s easy for you? Not everyone is mentally strong like you, Satoru. I wish I could, but I can’t. So please, don’t say anything anymore.”

He watched as Suguru turned around. “I know more about you than you know about me, Satoru.” He watched as he started to walk away. It was like watching a movie in slow motion. Time is slowing down, dwindling its seconds, it’s giving Satoru a chance once again. And Satoru took that chance this time.

He ran after him, he tried to reach him. But it was too late, Suguru had already gotten inside the cab and it drove away before Satoru could break the window. He’ll do it if he could, he doesn’t care. He could pay the driver for the damage later on, but he’ll break that damned window just to get him out of that damned car. 

But it was too late. Time wasn’t giving him a chance, it did not give him a chance at all, it never was. Time was testing him, baiting him, mocking him. That no matter what he chooses, whether he chooses to stay or run after him, he will never be able to reach him. 

・°˖✧

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟖: 𝐀 𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

・°˖✧

Satoru tried to call him that night, but Suguru never answered. He thought he should give him some space, he doesn’t want to suffocate him by pushing himself closer to him. But Satoru realized giving him space wasn’t a good idea at all. He should have gone to his place that night and waited for him outside his door until he came out. He had always been a stubborn man, he should have used that stubbornness to wait for him outside his door even if it took hours, days, weeks. 

The next day Suguru didn’t show up to the coffee shop, Satoru somewhat expected that. What he did not expect is for him to not be in his place as well. He left and Satoru had no idea where he could have gone. Did he leave for good, or was it for the time being? Satoru felt like he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he heard the answer. So he kept on calling him, hour after hour, day after day. He didn’t know how many days or weeks had passed. 

When his own body had given up and he passed out from not sleeping for a while, Satoru ended up in that dream again. It’s like watching the same movie over and over again, a movie that he had already memorized each line of, a movie that he had already know the ending of, a movie that will never be changed no matter what he says or what he does because it already happened, somewhere across the vast void of space, an indescribable amount of light years away, in another universe. 

So what else can he do but to let the same sequence play before him. But there was one that particularly stood out to him that night.

“Sensei, I’m strong right?”

When you are the strongest, people would naturally lean on you. It was more instinctive to a lot of people to ask the strongest for help because it is guaranteed that the strongest can do the job faster than anyone else. The strongest is always being leaned on. The strongest is always the one who saves everyone. 

Everyone?

No, not everyone.

“But it looks like me being strong isn’t enough.”

Has being the strongest always been enough? If so, why did he fail to reach him? Why did he fail to kill him?

Wait, kill?

Was he trying to reach him or was he trying to kill him?

No, that doesn’t matter. Satoru knew in his heart and soul that he was trying to reach him all this time.

But he knew all too well that… “I can only save those…who are prepared to be saved.”

Satoru couldn’t wake up from the dream. It continued until the very end because no one woke him up. Not that soft voice calling his name, penetrating his subconscious, pulling him back to what is now his reality. It continued to play and Satoru let it flow, because he could never do anything about it.

Until the very end.

“Hey,” 

There was a voice, a familiar voice. It wasn’t Suguru’s voice. That familiar voice was his own voice. But he wasn’t speaking, he hadn’t even parted his lips.

“You…” Satoru looked at the man standing in front of him, in the middle of that black void, it’s just him and the person flowing in the endless pit of darkness. “You’re…”

“You,” the man said. “I’m you and you’re me.”

The resemblance is uncanny, same hair, same eyes, same face. But this wasn’t him. There’s a difference he couldn’t quite point out. 

“Do you remember when you died?” the other ‘him’ asked. 

“December 24, 2018. I was declared dead for a short time.”

“I died the same day too.”

There was a silence that fell on them, but it wasn’t heavy or awkward, it’s just silence until their thoughts became loud enough and the other ‘him’ continued. 

“They say when two of the same souls living in twin alternate universes die on the same day, they will become one and the same and will reincarnate in the universe where they are needed the most. Simply put, when you and I died, our souls merged and we reincarnated in your world. Why?”

“Because we are needed here the most.”

“Correct! We are needed in your universe more than we are needed in mine.”

“But why? The things that are happening in your universe are…quite bad. I know ‘cause I’ve seen it. We’re the strongest sorcerer in your world, without us…”

But he trailed off, because his soul is negating his mind’s reasoning right then and there.

“I know,” the other ‘him’ said. “If we didn’t get to choose, we would have naturally been reincarnated in my world because we were the strongest there. But we get to choose, and we choose to reincarnate in your world. Because we are selfish.”

“Selfish, huh?”

“We failed to save him in my world. But he’s still alive in your world. In our selfish way of thinking, we chose your world all because Suguru is still alive there. All because we are holding on to that possibility that he will finally allow us to save him.”

“Because I can only save those…who are prepared to be saved.”

“We’re so selfish. So much that we chose to save one life over a thousand more.”

He chuckled, but the humor was not quite the same. “That was more like us.”

“Hey, before you go, don’t worry. Our students are strong. The next generation is strong.”

“Yeah, I’m not worried at all.”

It was the first and more likely the last time Satoru will ever talk to the other ‘him’ in another universe. When he woke up, he didn’t know how long he had fallen asleep. He passed out when the sun was setting and he woke up when it’s setting again. Satoru tried to call him again, he tried so many times before, it wouldn’t hurt to try again. No, in fact it doesn’t matter at all. He will try over and over again. And if he doesn’t answer, he’ll use all his resources to find him around the country, around the world if he has to. He traveled across the universes to get to him, compared to that, traveling across the world is nothing.

But that night, Suguru finally answered.

Neither of them speak for the first few seconds, but they can hear each other breathing. That was enough for a while. 

“Suguru,”

“Satoru,” 

“Where are you?” Satoru asked but quickly continued. “No, it doesn’t matter. Stay where you are. I’ll find you.”

“You don’t need to,” Suguru said, his voice calm and soft. “I went back to my hometown to clear my mind for a while.”

“Your hometown? You’re not from Tokyo?”

Satoru remembers what Suguru said before he left. Suguru knows more about Satoru than Satoru knows anything about him. He doesn’t even know he’s not from Tokyo. 

“So where exactly are you?”

“Takayama,” Satoru was about to book the first train bound to Takayama when Suguru continued. “Don’t bother going, I’ll come back tomorrow. Just wait for me at the place we first met.”

“Make sure you’ll come back tomorrow,” Satoru said, leaning his head back on the couch, his arm above his forehead as he closed his eyes. “If you’re not back here until tomorrow, I’ll look for you, even if I have to go to hell and back.”

Satoru heard the soft chuckle at the end of the line. It sounded so genuine yet it felt like Suguru was forcing himself to sound genuine for his sake. 

“I promise I’ll be back tomorrow, just wait for me.”

Suguru didn’t end the call until he heard Satoru’s voice. Just that one word. “Yeah,”

No goodbyes are necessary, between them, it’s not necessary. Satoru didn’t know if he was the one who hung up or it was Suguru who did. It doesn’t matter. He thought he would not be able to fall asleep after sleeping for almost twenty-four hours, but he was able to sleep, knowing that Suguru will be back by tomorrow. Perhaps, that’s the reason why he can sleep in peace again.

The weather changes like a flick of the switch. Satoru doesn’t know if summer is ending or it was just climate change. But the next day, the dark clouds hover above. It wasn’t until that afternoon when he had seen the weather report on the big screen at the crossing did he realize it’s still summer yet rain is expected to fall throughout Tokyo. 

Satoru did not bring any umbrella, he doesn’t even remember if he had one to begin with. He waited inside the coffee shop while the rain poured, and when the coffee shop closed, Satoru waited outside as the rain continued to pour. He told himself that maybe it was just the rain that most likely held Suguru back. But he’ll be back soon.

Satoru waited outside, on that cold summer night, with nothing but a hoodie jacket. Then he heard a soft meow and when he turned to where the sound came from, a small black kitten made its way to him. They used to believe black cats bring bad luck, but Satoru never believed in such things. How can someone call such an adorable creature bad luck? 

He squatted down and the kitten moved closer to him, seeking his warmth. “You remind me of someone.”

People believe black cats bring bad luck, but it seems the black kitten brought good luck. Because not a moment later, Satoru heard that familiar voice.

“Need an umbrella?” Suguru asked, but he’s already holding up the umbrella above Satoru’s head. “Satoru,”

There are still dark circles under his eyes, he still looks like he lost weight. But he’s smiling now, even though the smile did not reach his eyes. Satoru felt like crying, he might have actually did. His eyes feel oddly warm, his vision blurry. Before the tear could fall, he stood up and took Suguru in an embrace so tight he didn’t need to say anything for Suguru to know just how scared he is that he’ll leave again. 

“Satoru, can you let go—”

“No,” Satoru said before Suguru could finish speaking.

“I will not go anywhere, let go for a second. I need to feed the kitten.”

“Huh?” Satoru asked, a little dumbfounded as he leaned back before he noticed the plastic bag Suguru was holding. 

He watched as Suguru took out a can of wet cat food before opening and putting it down for the kitten to eat. Then he stood up to finally look at Satoru.

“You’re crying,”

“No, it’s just the rain,” Satoru said, wiping what were clearly his tears.

“The rain has already stopped, Satoru. Let’s go back.”

Satoru didn’t say anything, all he could do was nod silently. They went back to Suguru’s place that night and Satoru didn’t break the silence between them. 

“Coffee for your thoughts?” Suguru asked, offering a mug of hot coffee, perfect for the cold summer night. 

“Suguru, do you believe in reincarnation?” Satoru asked, voicing out his thoughts as he took a sip of the coffee. Ever so slightly, he could taste a little bit of its bitterness. 

“Do I?” Suguru asked, more to himself. “I guess, I do.”

“I had the strangest experience. Do you want to hear it?”

“Of course,” Suguru said, genuinely. He wanted to hear it. 

“They say when two of the same souls living in twin alternate universes die on the same day, they will become one and the same and will reincarnate in the universe where they are needed the most.”

A universe where they are needed most. “That’s an interesting concept of reincarnation.”

“Have you…perhaps…experienced something like that?” Satoru asked slowly, as though he was treading carefully, for what reason he doesn’t exactly know. “Because I did. On the day I was supposed to die. My alternate self living in an alternate universe died as well. Our souls merged and chose to be reincarnated in this world.”

“Because you are needed here the most?” Suguru asked, but it sounded more of a conclusion. 

“Because we chose it that way.” Because Suguru is still alive in this world. Because there’s no way in hell Satoru will be ordered to execute him for what he did in this world.  

“You chose to reincarnate in this world.”

There was a momentary silence that fell between them. What was a few seconds felt like a few hours. Suguru doesn’t know how to say it, he doesn’t know how to start. And then he remembered what Satoru asked him once.

“You asked me once where I learned how to brew coffee.”

Satoru had almost forgotten about that. In fact, that particular conversation felt like a long time ago.

“Two years ago, I was clinically diagnosed with depression. It was during summer when I first tried to kill myself.”

His voice is soft and gentle but his words are so heavy that Satoru forgot how to breathe for a second. When he finally realized he was holding his breath, he let out a shaky exhale followed by his hands trembling a bit. 

“But it wasn’t until December 2017 when I almost died. To be exact, it was December 24, 2017.”

Satoru still hasn’t processed what Suguru said first, and then now he’s saying he also almost died on the same day Satoru was pronounced dead? They almost died on the same day but one year prior from the other.

“The doctor said it was Seasonal Affective Disorder. A seasonal depression. But it was more common during the winter. What people don’t know is that it also happens to people during summer and people with summer depression has a higher risk of committing suicide. On December 24, 2017, I almost died. I was admitted to the hospital for a while and underwent some therapy. That’s when I learned how to brew coffee. I found brewing coffee to be quite relaxing.”

In those bright blue eyes that seem to glow in the dimly lit room, Suguru noticed how invested Satoru is in every word he is saying. He’s taking it all in, all the information that Suguru is now finally sharing.

“You know, when I was between life and death, I had the strangest dream.”

Satoru’s eyes shifted, from looking as though he was taking in all information, his eyes shifted to a certain type of emotion.

“You…did?” Was it hope swirling in those clear blue eyes? He was hoping that it’s really him, from the same alternate universe his soul came from.

“It was a very long dream that I no longer remember.”

Maybe—no, it wasn’t a maybe. Satoru is sure of it now. Suguru’s soul had merged into the soul of his other self in the same alternate universe. But why can’t he remember? Why can Satoru remember everything and Suguru can’t?

That question was answered that night. A simple answer that Satoru failed to consider.

“Because Suguru chose it that way.”

“What do you mean he chose it that way?”

“As I’ve said, we had a choice where to reincarnate. We also get to choose if we want to remember or we want to forget everything from our past life. Suguru simply chose to forget.”

“But why?”

“Even he wouldn’t remember why.”

A question was answered, yet another question was born out of that answer. Satoru wonders which hurts more, remembering or forgetting. But soon enough, he will get an answer to that as well.

It was a few days later when Suguru told him he decided to seek help. Satoru had never been happier when he heard that. In this life, he finally learned to seek help. Because one can only save those who are prepared to be saved.

“I overcame this once, I’ll overcome this again,” Suguru said that day when they were on the way to the hospital. “So once I’m all better, let’s fulfill our promise.”

“Promise?”

“Let’s go to Okinawa once I’m feeling better.”

Satoru smiled when he heard that, and the smile was reciprocated with an equally genuine smile from Suguru. The treatment went well. Because in this life, Suguru chose to be saved. It may sound so simple but it took a lot more than one can comprehend. Only Suguru would know about it. 

The trip to Okinawa didn’t feel like deja vu, Satoru thought it would feel like that because it already happened in their past life. But it felt like a completely new memory, one that he can truly call his own, in this life, in this universe. 

Exactly one year since they met each other again in this life, Satoru went to the coffee shop, ordering the same coffee and sitting by the same spot near the window. 

“We have free strawberry scones today, would you like to have one?”

“No, give me a dozen.”

“But you have to pay for the other eleven. Only one is free.”

They tried to hide the smile, considering Suguru is working and Satoru is his customer. But they miserably failed to do so. Even Suguru’s co-workers noticed it and urged Suguru that he can leave work early tonight and they’ll cover for him. Of course, who is he to disagree with that? 

“You finished all those scones?” Suguru asked when they got to his place. 

“Suguru, do you remember our promise?” Satoru asked. “Not the Okinawa one. Before that. You promised to brew me the sweetest coffee once I regain my sense of taste.”

“Yeah, I did,” Suguru asked, putting both his and Satoru’s coats on the rack as they walked inside and to the kitchen. “Why?”

“Suguru,” Satoru called and when Suguru looked at him, he saw how those clear blue eyes gleamed with tears. It was such a beautiful sight, to see the eyes that resembled the clear blue sky and tranquil ocean, gleaming with unshed tears of happiness. “I can finally taste…everything. The strawberry scones were especially sweet today.”

Another promise was fulfilled that night. Suguru brewed him the sweetest coffee he knew and he told Satoru that it was special. 

“Because it was the first ever coffee I brewed for myself.”

Suguru brewed him the most bitter coffee for the first time and he brewed himself the sweetest coffee. Satoru wonders why he was drawn to the bitter aftertaste of coffee when he lost his sense of taste. It wasn’t just so he could taste something and the bitter aftertaste of the coffee is stronger than anything. No, it was for a completely different reason.

In another universe, Suguru can manipulate curses, but to do so, he had to take them first. And by taking them, he had to swallow them whole. The curses taste the worst, like swallowing a cloth after it was used to wipe vomit. He endured that so many times all he can taste is its bitter aftertaste. Satoru never understood how he felt at that time. In a way, he wanted to understand it, by drinking the most bitter coffee and relishing in its bitter aftertaste, he somehow understood.

“Suguru, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Which one do you think hurts more? To remember everything or to forget everything?”

Suguru was silent for a while, wondering where that question came from. But it didn’t take him long to realize it.

“They hurt equally the same. When I reincarnated, did I choose to forget?”

“You did,” Satoru answered. “And I chose to remember.”

They hurt equally the same yet one who lives with a forgotten past life, also forgets all the cruel things his past self did. And the one who lives remembering everything, also remembers all the happy memories they both shared. It hurts equally the same, yet it provides them equal comfort.

But one of them has to remember in the end.

He decided to carry the pain of remembering everything, all the good and bad things, all the happy and sad memories, even if it’s just him who carries the pain of it all, he is the strongest after all, it will take more than that to break him. 

They met exactly one year ago, in another world, in an alternate universe, in another life. And perhaps, it was never love at first sight. When they saw each other in that small but cozy coffee shop. It wasn’t love at first sight, it was how their souls remember each other in their past lives.