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If there was one thing Dewdrop knew how to do, it was hide.
It's not that he was afraid, necessarily, but he was... avoidant. Guarded. Easily overwhelmed. And fortunately for him, he had always been small enough and quiet enough to disappear when he needed to.
It felt like he needed to much more often lately.
These days, more nights than not, Dewdrop found himself silently slinking away from the ghouls' wing to isolate himself with his thoughts for a while. Not that it was the most pleasant pastime, spending hours futilely attempting to detangle his scrambled mind and knotted gut. Still, it was better than facing the source of his troubles head on.
He had settled into a routine, and his feet were dragging him away from the common area before he even realized he was doing it.
It took a few minutes for him to decide where he was going to disappear to tonight, but soon enough he found himself out on a balcony on the third floor. This spot had become a common victim to his nightly ventures. It was secluded, out of eyeshot from most of the windows, and had a nice view of the lake.
Dewdrop sighed softly as he stepped out into the crisp night air. It was bordering on autumn, the days still hot but the evenings slightly chilly. In any other circumstance, he would've normally enjoyed this weather. Lately, the weather was the furthest thing from Dewdrop's mind.
He took in a deep breath of the fresh air and abruptly groaned, slumping rather dramatically against the balcony's railing. He bent at the waist, leaning forward to press his forehead against the cool metal supporting his weight.
Tonight had been especially hard. The entire day, in fact, had been especially hard. His emotions had been dialed up all day, and while at first it had been bearable, now he was crumbling.
He had woken up with a concrete slab of aching digging into his chest, and it had followed him all day, weighing heavier with every hour. He felt torn open, limbs heavy and tingling. But at least now he could be alone.
"Droplet?"
Dewdrop didn't even lift his head. The aching in his chest suddenly made itself known once again, boiling waves of dull pain crashing throughout his body. He hummed softly in acknowledgement.
Rain silently sidled up beside him, close enough that their biceps brushed and sent electricity down Dewdrop's spine as Rain's arms propped up on the railing. He didn't say anything more for a few long moments, likely already knowing that Dewdrop didn't want to talk about it. He always seemed to know Dewdrop even better than he knew himself.
After what could've been just a few minutes or several hours, Dewdrop finally chanced a glance at the ghoul beside him. When he found that Rain had shut his eyes to fully enjoy the night air, Dewdrop halfway lifted his head, settling it on his arms to properly admire Rain.
He took his time, eyes sweeping slowly across Rain's profile. The bridge of his nose, the scruff on his chin. The way the moonlight lit Rain's face so softly, casting the rest in shadows. His long eyelashes settled softly against his cheek. Had he been a weaker ghoul, Dewdrop would've reached out, brushed the pad of his thumb beneath each of Rain's eyes, if only to watch those eyelashes flutter at his touch.
Dewdrop swallowed around the lump in his throat. It was a wonder how he managed not to cry.
Rain's eyes slowly flickered open, head tilting to meet Dewdrop's gaze, and he suddenly felt like he was laid completely bare.
Lately, Dewdrop had this feeling like he'd been turned inside out. All raw and spilling out onto the floor. Like he'd been keeping a parasite inside his gut, letting it sustain itself off his insides just so he wouldn't have to let it out and look it in the eye.
But Rain would flick his hair away from his eyes, the moonlight glinting off of them making them look like they were full of stars. And he'd meet Dewdrop's gaze and hold it, seeing straight down into his liquified gut and not flinching. Seeing straight through him. Like he knew every part that Dewdrop was made of, and it didn't make a difference to him.
Dewdrop's brows pinched as a watery sting pressed against the backs of his eyes, and he blinked quickly, looking away from Rain and toward the lake. He exhaled slowly, as if he could push the ache out of his lungs.
There was nothing Dewdrop could ever say that he wanted more than to melt into Rain. To give in to the way he was feeling. To accept that he was allowed not only to love, but to be loved.
But to love, to be loved, was to bare himself open. To sacrifice his ability to hide. To let himself be vulnerable, to open the door to grief and regret. He knew better than to do that to himself.
"I'm here," Rain mumbled, words getting caught in the gentle breeze and carried away. But Dewdrop heard, and he recognized the weight that they carried. The tears stung at his eyes and he swallowed harshly, trying to push them back down.
"Sometimes, I wish you weren't," Dewdrop muttered, voice far weaker than he would've liked, and buried his face in his arms. If there was one thing Dewdrop knew how to do, it was hide.
"You don't mean that," Rain whispered patiently, fingers gentle as they carded slowly through Dewdrop's long hair, carefully working through the knots. Dewdrop sniffed, shaking his head as he shifted to press his thumbs firmly into his temples.
"No, I don't."
The silence fell once more, draping over their shoulders and pooling at their feet. Dewdrop had never minded the quiet they often shared, but tonight it was driving him mad. He had so many things to say, so many things he needed to say, but they just wouldn't leave his lips. Say anything, you idiot. Say anything.
"What do you need?" Rain asked, breaking the silence before Dewdrop could, pulling him out of his internal conflict. Dewdrop's shoulders relaxed and he sighed, lifting his head to meet Rain's eyes again. He could've died content in Rain's gaze. Could've lived in it forever.
"Just... stay?" Dewdrop's reply came out more like a question, as if he wasn't even sure that it was the right answer. As if there even was a right answer. As if anything could so simply quiet the painful longing that dripped from every piece of him.
"I'm right here."