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Keigo is a bad dad and everyone in town knows it.
He’s fully aware that he, by most standards, is a pretty shit dad, but that feeling of shittiness has always been further exacerbated by the many prying eyes or busybodies that loved intruding on his business and reminding him how much better it would have been had he either given her up for adoption when he had her or never had her at all.
And maybe they're right. Keigo's fully aware that a large part of keeping Suzume was to maybe have some shred of Touya still with him so he wouldn't be alone.
But that selfishness just screwed them both in the end and now, he's more alone than ever.
Not a day goes by when he doesn't hear the whispers around the supermarket about how he can hardly make ends meet on a given day, having to pick up jobs anywhere he can and stretch out leftovers across the span of a week.
He can rarely pick up Suzume from school without meeting the leering eyes of the other parents reminding him of all the times he couldn't be there for her and had to send Fuyumi to fetch her because he couldn't get out of bed.
There isn't a second that passes where he doesn't hear someone comment that he should have just stuck it out as a deputy – ignore the awkward tension between him and his would-be father-in-law and sucked up the pain racking his entire lower half so Suzume doesn't half to wonder if she'll be able to come back to a house with power after school, and every time, he can’t help but wonder if he should.
He contemplates daily on what he should do, whether he should go crawling back to Enji and plead for his job back where he will most likely be stuck at a desk with the occasional call about truancy or a cat stuck in a tree, all while his coworkers throw pitiful glances his way.
But he doesn’t. Instead, he does his best. He does his best to be a better father – a father that Suzume deserves since she didn’t get a say in being here.
He drops her off and picks her up every day from school even if he’s having the most excruciating flare-up that begs him onto his knees. He stays up every night to meal prep for the next week so Suzume has something new to eat instead of the same packaged ramen and frozen chicken and pizza. He tries to keep the same job for longer than two days, passing on the hundred and one favors he owes. He attends almost every school event – recitals, sports days, bake sales that are really just tables of store-bought shit from the market.
He tries to do it all, if not to stave off the whispers and gossip, then to give her a better life. To justify his selfishness and maybe make himself worthy of being called her dad.
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He forgets to pick her up once a couple of months into his resolve to do better.
He tried to be smarter in his meal prep and start earlier in the day when he just could not take it anymore. The pain in and around his pelvis was too great and it brought him to his knees. He barely managed to crawl to the couch before collapsing from the death grip around his organs threatening to pop them like a balloon.
The next time he opens his eyes, it’s to the sound of pans clanking together and Suzume’s voice chirping away in the room next to him. He blinks his bleary eyes, Suzume and someone else’s voice becoming more clear as he starts to sit up.
His aching lower half keeps him cemented to the couch but from his spot, he can see Fumikage at the stove and his daughter at the table, either drawing or doing her homework while chatting his ear off.
Guilt grips the center of his chest. He presses his lips into a tight line and goes to move. A surge of pain shoots up his spine and he lets out a low grunt. It catches the attention of the two in the kitchen. They whip their heads at him. Suzume’s eyes shine as bright as her smile. She jumps up from her seat at the table and runs to him.
“Daddy!” she exclaims, jumping into his lap.
Keigo bites down a pained yelp, spreading his tight lips into a strained smile, “Hey, Baby bird. You’re sure happy to see me.”
Fumikage follows quickly after her, “Suzume-chan. You need to be careful. Your father isn’t feeling well, remember?”
“Oh, sorry!” she says, moving to crawl out of Keigo’s lap. He holds her steady anyway.
“No, it’s okay,” he says, “I’m feeling better.”
Fumikage raises a brow, “Are you sure?”
“ Yes, I am sure,” Keigo says with a chuckle, “What’re you doing here?”
“Fumi-kun picked me up from school!”
Keigo raises his brows, “He did?”
Fumikage scratches at the back of his neck, “Yes, the…the school tried calling you but they couldn’t seem to reach you. I believe they called Fuyumi-san but she was busy, so I offered to take her home.”
Keigo’s smile softens. He sighs, “You didn’t have to do that…”
“I wanted to.”
The reply is so immediate, so genuine yet Keigo can’t help but grimace at it. He had been doing so well, and he left her alone. He left her alone for God knows how many hours and shoehorned the responsibility onto Fumikage.
‘Great fucking job, Kei. As useless as ever.’
“I found some of the stir fry you were making and finished it off for you,” Fumikage continues, “Suzume and I had some earlier.”
“Yeah! It was really good!”
Keigo chuckles, “Good. I’m glad you guys had something while I was out. I just wish you would’ve woken me up so you didn’t have to do all this work…”
“It was nothing, Takami-san. Really. I’m happy to help you and Suzume out when you need it.”
Keigo’s stomach twists, “Thanks, Fumikage-kun.”
Fumikage turns his head sheepishly, “I should be going. My parents are expecting me."
"He's blushing~" Suzume teases.
"Am not…," Fumikage mumbles, "I'll see you tomorrow, Takami-san."
"You need me to walk you out?" Keigo asks.
Fumikage shakes his head, "I'll be fine, thank you. Have a good afternoon."
"Bye Fumi-kun!" Suzume says, waving big.
Fumikage waves back, grabbing his backpack off the floor before slipping his shoes on and walking out the door.
Keigo watches him leave. He'll have to learn how to bake better so he can give him something the next time he visits. That or maybe some money. Teens still liked money, right?
Once Fumikage disappears into his house, Keigo sinks back down into the couch and releases a long sigh. Suzume cuddles close to the center of his chest. He runs his fingers through her blonde locks as she flops onto her back.
"So, how was school today, baby girl? You do anything fun?"
"We played kickball at P.E. today. I made a home run!"
"That's great, Su! Good job!"
Suzume giggles.
"Anything else?"
Suzume hums, then shakes her head, "No. Same stuff today. Fumi-kun picked me up today and he helped me with my math."
Keigo’s smile starts to falter. He tucks a strand behind her ear, "Yeah, I heard. Sorry about that, Su. I–"
"It's okay," Suzume says immediately, "Fumi-kun told me you weren't feeling well and he took me home."
"I know, Su, but I should've at least called. You could have been stuck there forever!"
Suzume shrugs, "No I won't. I know how to walk home all by myself!"
Keigo’s stomach twists again, something sick stirring inside his belly.
A lot of the kids in town walk home from school, some younger than Suzume. But the thought of his only child having no problem going alone without him…
He curls a hand between his fingers and sits up, "Hey, Suzi. Can I ask you something?
"You just did," she says, a grin working its way on her face.
Keigo rolls his eyes. He reaches a hand to pinch her cheek, "Not that! "
Suzume laughs.
"Suzume, do you…you like me as your dad?"
"Yeah!" She chirps. There's no hesitation in the answer.
Keigo tilts his head to the side. "Why?"
"Because… you're my dad?"
"No, I mean – what about me being your dad do you like?"
Keigo is very aware that he's digging his own grave. He's fishing for something bad that he can point out in her statements, something that agrees with his cancerous guilt because he knows what he ultimately deserves in the end.
"Because…you're really nice to me. You love me even when I can't do a lot of things or when I get scared of everything all the time. You help me with my homework, and you make really yummy food! You let me stay home when I'm really scared to go to school. You take care of me and…I dunno, I just…like you."
Keigo’s eyes go wide. Suzume stares up at him with the same obliviousness and innocence she had since she was a baby. She's honest in her answer like she is with everything because she hasn't been taught how to lie, how to mask, how to carry on even if you can hardly stand to get out of bed at all.
And that's what twists the knife deep into Keigo’s chest before she delivers the killing blow:
"Do you like me, Papa?"
Keigo doesn't notice the tears until Suzume’s sun and sky eyes shoot wide with concern and she reaches up to cup his face in her little hands. He half laughs, half sobs as he pulls her into a bone crushing hug, burying her face in his shoulder.
"D-Daddy–?"
"I like you so much, baby," he chokes, sniffling, "I like you more than anyone else in this whole world. I love you, Suzi. I love you so, so much. "
He raises her head to meet his eyes. She's already starting to tear up herself because she cries anytime he cries. He wipes the tears away with his thumbs.
"Oh baby, it's okay. I'm okay, don't cry. Don't cry. I'm okay."
"But, y-you're crying. A lot."
Keigo laughs again, confusing the little girl even more. "These are happy tears, baby. Happy tears. I'm really happy that you like me being your dad."
Suzume starts to smile, "I'm…I'm happy, too. I think? I really like you like me too."
Keigo sniffs, "Hey. You wanna stay home with me tomorrow? I'm still feeling kinda yucky."
Suzume nods, hugging him around his neck.
"Alright. I'll call school tomorrow. We can stay home and watch anything you want."
"Can we watch Barbie again?"
Keigo nods, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Sure, baby. We can watch all the Barbie you want tomorrow."
Suzume’s tears disappear. She cuddles close to the crook of his neck and he just…holds her.
He holds her and realizes that while he may not be the best dad in the world and he may never be liked or respected by most of the moms that judge them through their windows and scrutinize every little thing he does, his daughter likes him.
She likes him despite all of his pain, all of his baggage and doubts, all of his supposed shortcomings.
She likes him.
And that's good enough for him.