Work Text:
It was just a small injury, the staff member said not to worry and they would be back in no time, but that simply wasn’t enough for Tatsumi. The staff does so much for Alkaloid so it is only natural that he would pay them a visit after they got injured. Tatsumi adjusted his arms shuffling the basket of fruits himself and the other members of Alkaloid put together; the others had prior engagements and that left Tatsumi alone to send the staff member well wishes from Alkaloid. He was of course more than happy to do so, the hospital was a bit out of the way from ensemble square although it is nice to travel around once in a while, Tatsumi muses while walking.
Approaching the front desk, giving the receptionist a friendly smile, Tatsumi told her who he was there to visit quickly being told the directions. Giving her thanks he set off on his way.
A simple hospital visit to an injured staff member to send them the well wishes of Alkaloid, that’s all this was, yet the smallest mistake, a tiny misstep, took his world of blissful ignorance from the heavens crashing to hell, opening his eyes once again to the weight of the sins still heavy upon his shoulders.
He had gotten off the elevator on the wrong floor, there were people that needed on, who was he to take up that space. It was just a couple flights of stairs, nothing too strenuous. So he began his trek, politely nodding with a friendly smile to those passing by, quietly observing his surroundings. It seemed this floor was full of more long term residents, those still in treatment or beginning to rehabilitate. He could feel his leg ache with phantom pain, carrying along with it the memories of that day. Shaking his head, willing the thoughts to disperse, Tatsumi continued on. In his mind he sent a small prayer to each person wishing them all a speedy recovery, both as something he wished to do and partly as a distraction to himself to avoid falling down to the pits of the past.
It took some time but all of them were okay. Tatsumi himself has Alkaloid, he cares for all of them very much, he really couldn't put into the proper words how proud he is of his unit. Jun managed to become part of a popular unit and duo, the members of Eden seem to be good friends for him, Hiyori especially seemed to have an impact on him no matter how annoyed Jun appears to be sometimes. A soft chuckle escaped Tatsumi, the thought of how their relationship reminded him of how HiMERU and Jun behaved in the past put some of the lingering worries in his head to rest. HiMERU himself had grown so much, as an idol and a person. Tatsumi had initially pondered how he had changed and matured only to brush it off as simply growing up and living through something like that. Plus being apart, it wasn't surprising HiMERU had changed while away from his gaze. Given what occurred, Tatsumi fully accepted HiMERU's change in attitude towards him, quite frankly, he expected it. How could he not even slightly resent him when he had such a big hand in how everything played out, how he was the one that set up the chess pieces, to be the one landing them in a bloody checkmate.
Tatsumi stopped for a brief moment, perhaps it wasn't a bright idea to come alone after all, he should've waited until the other members schedules cleared up. Hospitals carry heavy memories, he imagined HiMERU was the same way upon visiting them. Being alone just made the thoughts burn hotter, searing his mind and heart with the pain of inferno. Taking a deep breath Tatsumi again tried to push away the thoughts, to cleanse his mind. Even if HiMERU doesn't revere him as he once did, perhaps it was better that way, they could forge a genuine friendship. Alkaloid will surely work with Crazy:B again in the future, he would work harder so that HiMERU would see him as someone worthy of his grace once more. With his thoughts no longer chaining him down Tatsumi moved forward, feeling a tad lighter with his new found goal. A gentle smile spread on his face as he approached the stairs, just one floor up and then he could give his well wishes to the staff member and be on his way. Perhaps he could attempt to message HiMERU, though he may need help. Ah but there's no need to rush, he has plenty of time to befriend HiMERU once more, properly this time.
His thoughts were very abruptly silenced, his mind blanking transforming into a blinding white, the trumpets of god sounding in his ears. Any trace of a smile fled from his face, wide-eyed at a small name plate. It could've been overlooked, a minuscule piece of paper tucked into the plastic indicating who resides in that room. If Tatsumi wasn't observing his surroundings, well, he would've missed it too. It was just a name, so neatly written, in handwriting he did not recognise but the name itself. The name carried the weight of hundreds of sinners doomed to hell while being the name of nothing short of one of god's most beloved angels.
Tojou Kaname.
Tatsumi couldn't comprehend what he was reading. He couldn’t be reading that. After all it made no sense, how could he be here? HiMERU had re-entered the idol scene just briefly before Tatsumi himself did, so how could he be in the hospital at the same time? On the floor intended for long term patients? Tatsumi knew it couldn’t be an instance of having the same name, there was no one else that could have that name, no one else could. Unbeknownst to him while trapped in his thoughts he had moved closer to the room. His hand weighed down by the reality of what could possibly be happening attempting to reach up, touch salvation by proving this was all a mere coincidence, that someone else was in that room, that this name plate was wrong. It had to be wrong. His hand dragged across the nameplate, touch as light as feather, almost like it would break if he even breathed on it the incorrect way.
“Excuse me sir?” Tatsumi jerked back as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. The nurse looked at him with nothing but worry. “Are you alright?” He turned to meet the nurses gaze, to attempt to tell them he was fine, however his voice failed him. The nurse's eyes shifted in a moment, he knew that look, they recognized him. “Oh goodness, are you here to visit? If I remember correctly you were the other boy in the accident, it’s a relief to see you doing well, if only we could say the same about him. He likely won’t wake up today although I’m sure he would enjoy the company anyways.” Tatsumi’s mind had fled somewhere else, lost at sea, drowning in the news being shared with him. “His brother visits him often, it’s nice to see others here for him too.” His brain stalled.
“His brother?” The nurse tilted their head to the side.
“Ah, maybe it was presumptuous of me to think you’d be acquainted. The older brother visits him when he can, he’s the one we send updates to as well.” They spoke, affirming their previous statement. The nurse then lets out a small laugh, “They look so similar though, you could think they’d be twins!” A beeping sound draws the nurses attention away. “Oh my, apologies but I must be getting back to work, please have a nice visit.” Giving a brief parting, the nurse shuffled away, leaving Tatsumi in front of the room.
Tatsumi stood there. His thoughts were running so fast he couldn’t even think, yet there was nothing in his mind at the same time. The nameplate and everything the nurse said confirmed his worst fears, the things he had brushed off rushing back crushing him. His soul felt as if it was ripped from his body and sent to his own personal circle of hell. It was a dream, an utter nightmare. Kaname is still in the hospital? A brother? His brother, HiMERU. No, this couldn’t be truthful. Tatsumi, despite all the evidence being tossed upon him he rejected it all. He wanted nothing more than to fall back into his peaceful ignorance, to run away, pretend he had never seen that name. Being in front of this room, he felt like he was again falling from that stage, being nothing but utterly useless to the one he had dragged into this. He may have gotten hurt too, but look at him performing and smiling as if nothing had happened. Jun and HiMERU were doing the same. He believed HiMERU was doing the same. Though in a way Tatsumi supposes he is, but not his HiMERU.
Tatsumi took a shaky step back from the door, the day that started so simple had devolved into this hellish, tortuous reality. He turned his head away, though he quickly shifted his attention back to the door. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't run away, he would face the truth.
Tatsumi would not abandon HiMERU, no that wasn’t right now was it? Tatsumi would not leave behind Kaname, not ever again, not even if god himself intervened to drag them apart. Tatsumi braced himself as he slowly slid the door open, so gently as if he was still dreaming and could shatter this illusion at any moment. Part of him wished it was, that this was indeed fiction or a mistake of identity, he was practically praying it was.
But there was no god who would listen to his prayers.
Entering the room Tatsumi could feel his blood run cold, reality impossible to ignore, far too late to run away. In the hospital bed, there lay Tojou Kaname. His HiMERU. Tatsumi couldn’t stop the boiling emotions from flooding out. A choked sob racked his body before he even knew what was happening. His vision blurred, body moving on its own as he rushed to Kaname’s side, grabbing his hand, muttering apologies that would fall on deaf ears.
He continued to mumble apologies, taking all the blame of Kaname’s current state, begging any god to change what he now knows as truth.
Alas there was still no god who would answer his prayers.