Work Text:
Adam was walking down the street on the route to school, whistling a random tune that came to his head. He began singing out loud, not caring who heard.
“I love it when you call me Señorita,” he sang, gripping the strap on his backpack. He loved looking around as he walked, admiring the scenery of the town around him. He decided to take a different route to school that day. Typically, Adam would have cut straight through a park in order to get to school faster, but that day, he chose to go around it.
As he walked, Adam found that a delicious smell began wafting towards him. He didn’t know why, but it felt like he was being drawn to it by some sort of hypnotic powers.
When Adam looked to the side, you will never guess what he saw. It was the source of that lovely, delicious, scrumdiddlyumptious smell.
Adam’s eyes widened. Jackpot.
A Subway. Not the kind for transportation. A Subway Sandwich.
Adam forgot all about school as his jaw dropped, and he pushed the door open. He quickly set his backpack down on a table, claiming it as his own. The delicious scrumdiddlyumptious smell was incredibly strong and yummy. Adam needed a second to breathe it in and bathe in its warmth.
Something was speaking to him. Something was there .
Adam proudly walked up to the counter with a skip in his step. If you’ve never seen a highschool junior skipping his way up to the counter of a Subway Sandwich singing Señorita, well, now you have. Not even singing. Whistling.
The underpaid worker at the counter looked up. His face shone with the holy light of the lord himself, his nametag on sideways. His name was ‘Nathan’.
“Hi, Nathan!” Adam happily sang, his voice octaves higher than before. Nathan rolled his five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred eyes and stared dead at Adam. Adam couldn’t help but swoon as he looked at the yummy yummy sandwich ingredients.
He finished his song by singing the harmony by himself, occasionally switching between Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello as he pleased. He decided to go where he never thought he’d go and go way too far right after.
He happily ordered a Pepperoni Cuisine with a smile, doing the little lad dance as he waited for Nathan to make his sandwich. “Women and sandwiches,” he sang. “They always surprise.”
“I’m a man but okay,” Nathan said. “Do you want that toasted?”
Adam smirked– actually smirked! Adam had only thought you could smirk in Draco Malfoy x Reader fanfics, but apparently he was wrong. “Yessir,” he grinned devilishly. “I want her roasty toasty.”
Nathan looked very concerned. “Wtf is wrong with you, man?” he asked. Adam stood there, smiling.
“They’re more complicated than burgers or fries,” Adam continued. Nathan felt like he was about to scream, but he stayed quiet. The toaster oven dinged, and Adam resumed doing the little lad dance in celebration.
"Take your sandwich," Nathan sighed, handing the bag to Adam. Adam cheerfully skipped away, not seeing Nathan flip him the middle finger as he went.
When Adam opened up the sandwich, he saw a pair of legs pop out, a pair of eyes opening. The sandwich was alive. It had a face. It had limbs.
It was like a dream come true.
"Hello there~" Adam said flirtily, caressing the top bun of the sandwich like he was running his hand through its hair. The Pepperoni Cuisine puckered its lips, blowing Adam a kiss.
"Eat me," the sandwich said smexily. Adam licked his lips, so excited to dig in to his fine ahh sandwich.
"I don't wanna leave you, baby~ but I would love to eat you up~" Adam flirted. In his mind flashed a glimpse of short blonde hair, a girl in a red flannel shirt. She didn't matter anymore. Not when Adam had his Pepperoni Cuisine.
"Yass babygirl," the Pepperoni Cuisine cheered. Adam raised the sandwich's face to his and pressed their lips together.
The sound of sirens blaring outside the Subway didn't matter to Adam anymore. Not when his sandwich's lips were soft, not when their tongues battled for dominance.
"Sir," someone in a far-off universe said. "You're gonna need to come with me."
Adam looked up, breaking the kiss. His lips were red and puffy, swollen from how aggressive the kiss was. His pupils went wide, and he wrapped the sandwich back up. She couldn't be seen indecently, after all.
"We're taking you to the mental hospital. You need help, sir," They took him by the wrists, and before he knew it, he had been dragged out the door.
"MY LOVE! NO!" he cried, making grabby hands at the sandwich inside its cinder block prison. He felt a tear roll down his cheek.
And just as he was thrown into the cop car, he heard a small voice calling at him from outside.
She sounded betrayed.
"Adam?" Ellie asked.