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Ash, what are you doing?
She still doesn't know the answer. She's been pacing outside the drell's room for five minutes now. Not going in, but not leaving.
Oh gosh, what am I doing? She puts her hand to her head and turns around so she can walk another circuit. She really hopes no one walks by anytime soon. She feels ridiculous.
Oh, this pacing it getting her nowhere.
Literally.
She's trying to figure things out without enough information. And she's never been in love before, so she doesn't know what it feels like. Not really. So she can't know. And they hardly know each other. They're practically strangers. But this isn't about knowing. Knowing how something will end up.
She just thinks, that maybe with him. She just can't get it out of her head.
And she's always gone for what she wanted. Her father says she's the most stubborn and determined woman he knows, and that's really saying something.
She just never thought that she would want this.
But there's just something there. She feels it. She thinks she sees it. She thinks he feels it too.
She hadn't even been very nice to him. He had just always treated her with such respect. And the looks he gave her were just a touch different. A touch deeper. A little more.
And he's so strong and loyal and good.
And sad. He always seems so sad. And Ashley just wants to reach out to him. She's not even a very compassionate person. But for him, apparently she is.
For him she seems to be a lot of new things.
And he's an alien. An alien, Ash. You're not just talking about being friends with Wrex or Garrus. No. You're talking about being with an alien.
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
She stops and squeezes her eyes shut, So sorry Daddy, I might be falling for a lizard-alien guy.
But he's so pretty.
Dammit Ash, keep it together.
For the millionth time she asks herself what she thinks she's doing. Nothing, Ash. Right now you're doing nothing. You need to pick; go in or go away. But still she can't. She can't go in.
And she can't leave.
And even from a non-romantic point of view, she can't help but be impressed with him. His talent and his drive. He's everything she could ever want. And if he'd been human, she wouldn't even pause before going for it.
But two years ago she never would have been here, thinking about it at all.
She's not the same person she was then.
And that's not all either. The even bigger issue, the one that has nothing to do with him being an alien.
He's dying.
That should mean she'd be running for the hills. It's just a promise of heartbreak. She looks down the hall at the elevator, only a few steps away.
But she-just-can't-go.
Shepard's words play in her head again, burned there from the intensity with which he said them; Life is short Ash. Don't let anything keep you from the person you want to be with. You might never forgive yourself if you let them go.
And he's right, she wouldn't. She's never felt this way about anyone, and she might never again. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
Okay, Ash, take that step. Reach out. Give him your olive branch and see where it takes you.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
She brings a shaky hand up to the door and walks through with bravado when it opens.
Thane turns to her, "Miss Williams," he says, a greeting and a question. And that voice; gravely, harmonic, pleased. Oh, his voice is amazing.
And she can't be imagining that tone. The tone he only seems to have when he's with her. It has to be real.
This is it Ash, this is it.
That which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
"Please, Thane," she says, taking a fortifying breath, "call me Ash."