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The helicopter exploding calmed Dazai’s mind, the ache in his bones soothed as he handed the severed arm to the distressed-looking Nikolai, who held it close as he spoke of his time with Fyodor. Dazai remained silent watching the scene unfold, understanding that pain all too well. It was over now, everything he and the agency had worked for had succeeded, and the nightmare had ended.
“Where are your usual quips?” Chuuya commented as Dazai stepped away from the ruble to give Nikolai his space.
"Not necessary. I got the antidote already." Dazai said, holding up the metal case. He popped open the case and removed the vile and syringe, passing the case over to Chuuya while he injected himself with it.
"Do you have a plan to get out of here or are you gonna beg me to carry your injured ass back to Yokohama?" Chuuya commented, tossing the case aside once Dazai was done. Dazai checked the pulse point on his wrist and smiled.
"You know me so well Chuuya! But first, I left something inside there." He pointed backwards with his thumb at the burning rooftop entrance of Meursault. Chuuya scoffed.
"No way in hell I'm going back into that shithole, I don't get paid enough for this. Isn't it over?"
"Sorry but I did make a promise to someone dear to me, and it looks like you're the only one who can move that helicopter out of the way Chuuya~." Dazai teased, pointing out the usefulness of the other man’s ability as leverage.
Chuuya sighed, he spoiled Dazai too much, unfortunately, but he had already pieced together who the man was talking about. He didn't say anything, just marched forward with his hands in his pockets. He stood just behind Nikolai, and with a wave of his hand the helicopter crashed in on itself, creating a crater in the ground and revealing the gigantic hole in the wall. Nikolai shook when the ground did, standing up abruptly to observe what was happening at a safe distance from the helicopter.
Dazai approached them slowly and walked right past Nikolai towards the hole, which was still burning on the edges. Nikolai looked from Chuuya to Dazai, wondering what the two were planning.
"Are you looking for Sigma? Fyodor said he'd never wake up again." Nikolai cut in, as they entered the opening. Dazai paused, processing what was just said to him. Sigma had gone against Fyodor all on his own, that is all Dazai knew. It was his fault that Sigma was dragged into this. Sigma could have simply left with Nikolai if Dazai hadn't dragged him along, but he believed in the agency, in Chuuya, in himself, and he knew he couldn't leave without at least trying to keep his promise.
"I can work with that, the Agency has a great doctor." Dazai replied without looking back at Nikolai. Chuuya said nothing, watching for his reaction.
"Then may I be of service here?" Nikolai bowed, showing off the infinite void that was the inside of his coat.
"I can bring you right to him and right back out!" Nikolai said with a bow, glancing up at Dazai.
"And what's in it for you?" Chuuya asked with a scoff, not trusting the clown for one second. Dazai glanced down at him.
"I would simply like to tell our dear Sigma the good news! Or at least um, the bad news." He hesitated, looking down at the helicopter fragments again. Dazai stepped off the rubble.
"Seriously?" Chuuya said, watching him approach Nikolai once more, the injured leg making the short walk much slower for Dazai. Once back on solid ground, he smiled up at Chuuya and waved for him to rejoin them as well.
"Have a little faith, Chuuya! You know, I'm fascinated to see if your ability would even work on me. Considering my nullification?" He turned to Nikolai with a start. The other man blinked at him, then smiled deviously.
"For you, Mr. Winner, I will perform my greatest trick of all!" Nikolai did a spin, and in a moment he was in front of Dazai. Then in the next, he disappeared and reappeared in front of Chuuya.
"Wha-"
Nikolai grabbed Chuuya's arm and pulled him into his coat, then teleported him next to Dazai, the two bumping into each other with the suddenness of it. And before they could even react, Nikolai was once again behind them. He pushed both into the coat as they fell, Chuuya's body blocking Dazai from touching it. It was all so quick that before they ever knew it, they were back inside the prison in the control room.
Dazai wobbled and fell onto his knees when he landed, the rush of it making his head spin almost as much as the elevator fall. Chuuya's head throbbed at the whiplash, he held his forehead for a second as the pain subsided. A weird sensation lingered after being teleported twice, but he shook it off when he noticed Dazai had fallen next to him, offering him a hand. Dazai took the offer, leaning on Chuuya a bit as he stood for support. Chuuya let go once Dazai had righted himself and moved towards Nikolai, who was standing in the center of the room.
“Found him?” Chuuya asked, but the question was answered already when he glanced around the large control console. He stopped, taking in the scene of the man he had never properly met lying there morbidly.
“Ah, Dos-kun had been telling the truth.” Said Nikolai in an uncharacteristically weak cadence. Dazai limped towards them, pushing past Chuuya to get a look as well.
For all they knew, Sigma looked like a corpse, gaunt and pale, with his mouth agape and eyes blank.
“Shit!” Dazai scrambled to the floor once more, falling at Sigma’s side and putting his head on his chest.
“Dazai-“ Chuuya started, seeing as it was a hopeless endeavour. He was unused to seeing him so concerned, the agency had made Dazai a different man after all.
“Shhh!“ Dazai silenced him, closing his eyes and focusing on searching for a pulse. He gently held Sigma’s wrist in one hand and put his ear on Sigma’s chest, listening for any sign of life. He could make out an incomplete murmur, almost a beat, but any movement was still movement, which meant Sigma was alive.
“It’s faint but-“ Dazai lifted his head and began doing chest compressions, counting in his mind the number of beats. He had never performed CPR before but he had known how from a young age, Dazai could count the number of times strangers and friends had done it to him after finding him floating down a river. How ironic it was to see him doing so much to save another's life when he treated his own so carelessly. He stopped the compressions and took a deep breath, pressing his mouth to Sigma’s.
Nikolai and Chuuya watched in disbelief.
When Dazai pulled back, he half expected Sigma to wake up from just that, a kiss, like some sort of fairytale princess. But he remained still. The panic was almost starting to set in.
“Well, are you two just gonna stand there gawking all night or are you going to help me!” Dazai exclaimed, whipping his head around to address the crowd of two.
“Jesus- fine!” Chuuya pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance but still got down to help Dazai do his compressions.
“I- I’ll fetch a defibrillator!” Nikolai offered, disappearing before anyone could even reply. They could do this, Sigma wouldn't die tonight.
…
Once Sigma was breathing, and his heart started beating regularly again, it was quite easy to sneak into an empty hospital room with Nikolai’s cloak. They would need to wait overnight to be picked up by the port mafia, but a quick call to Ranpo confirmed that things in Yokohama would be okay.
Nikolai had disappeared once more after making sure Sigma was being cared for, saying he had his own grand master plan to set into motion now. Dazai hadn't known him for long, but considering the man was still carrying around Dostoevsky's severed arm in his pocket, Dazai could guess he wasn't going to be doing anything too troublesome anytime soon.
Chuuya offered to stay in the hospital overnight as well, taking the chair by the door as Dazai sat by the bed. It had been a long day for both of them and he was drifting to sleep quickly despite the uncomfortable angle.
"Hey Chuuya…" Dazai muttered, almost completely muffled by his arm, as he had them crossed on the bed in front of him with his face buried.
"Hmm?" Chuuya replied, cracking one eye open to glance at Dazai from the corner of his vision.
"Fyodor and I really were one and the same, I don't know if I'll ever meet someone like him again." Dazai began, shifting in his chair to lean on the bed more.
"Shut up idiot. That guy couldn't even notice when my vampire makeup came off in the water, he was too focused on killing you to consider much else and honestly that was kinda lame." Chuuya retorted with the first thing that came to mind, knowing one of Dazai’s self-reflective speeches was brewing when he heard it, and needed to shut it down.
"Perhaps, but Fyodor's flaw was that he didn't trust anyone but himself, and even a genius can get caught up in their mind. My flaw is that I do trust others, but for some reason, I get surprised when the consequences of my actions cause them pain." Dazai muttered back, not looking at Chuuya as they spoke.
Chuuya looked over at the bed again. Dazai was holding Sigma’s hand in a loose grip, staring blankly at Sigma’s face while his head rested on his arm. Chuuya looked away, almost feeling like he'd been intruding on something.
"I don't give compliments, so don't let this get to your head asshole, but you're not as bad of a person as you think you are." Chuuya said. He almost felt bad for Dazai, despite knowing it was all self-pity.
Dazai lifted his head at that, looking at Chuuya with surprise. He looked back at Dazai and sighed.
"What Dostoevsky did wasn't your fault, you did everything you could to save as many people as possible, including him." Chuuya gestured to the bed at Sigma’s still body hooked up to the IV.
“Ah, but I already knew it would be impossible to save everyone." Dazai sat up and really looked at Chuuya this time, letting go of Sigma to stretch his back properly and slouch back in his chair.
"Then why are you still trying so hard if you know he may never wake up again?" Chuuya asked, voice quieter than before, half afraid uttering it would break Dazai’s Illusion of calm, the other half not trying to start a fight in a hospital if that were the case.
Luckily, Dazai only nodded, turning away from Chuuya to glance absentmindedly at the wall. He seemed dazed, lost even, as his mind wandered. He knew that look very well; It was the one Dazai carried every day back in the port mafia. When Mori ordered him around, the light left his eyes, and while Dazai was always at full attention, always on edge, his eyes looked glossed over, dead, and there was no light to be found in them.
Earlier, when they had succeeded in facing his death and killing Fyodor, Dazai’s light shone brilliantly despite being poisoned, shot, drowned, and dropped all day. But now, in the darkness of the hospital room after having his wounds cared for, Dazai only clings to Sigma’s unmoving corpse and stares off into nothingness.
"If I don't try, no one will. Sigma needs me and I owe that to him. Dead or alive, I'll wait." He spoke, but the heaviness in his body was starting to show in his voice, and Dazai couldn't suppress the yawn that overtook him.
"Hey, I'm getting a coffee. You want anything?" Chuuya asked, pushing himself up from his chair and forcing his legs to move despite the pin prickles on his sleeping muscles, climbing up his legs as he took each step. Dazai looked back up at him and hummed in thought for a moment.
"Just a black coffee, I'll like to stay up just a little longer." He replied. Chuuya nodded, pushing the door open and letting a beak of white fluorescent light bathe the room in an artificial bem.
"How predictable." Chuuya rolled his eyes and made a mental note that Dazai owed him after this was all over.
…
The next few weeks while the world tried to put itself back together were awkward and painful for everyone. Yet Sigma slept through it all, hooked up to a machine to keep his vitals intact while he slept in Montgomery's ability. Under Yosano's care, he would be completely safe while repairs were made and documents were signed to clear the agency's name.
It didn't take too long for the agency to clear themselves of the allegations of terrorism. Teruko and the other hunting dogs testified against Fukuchi, and there were no objections on the government's part that the agency was innocent. It took a few weeks for Fukuzawa to be honest about what happened that day, but no one faulted him for it.
Despite Ango's meddling, it was much more difficult to clear Dazai's name considering he had broken out of prison and had gone into hiding immediately afterwards. But Fukuzawa refused to give up Dazai’s location without an explicit pardon first. Mori made it very clear he was still looking to collect on their promise, which he worried Dazai would agree to if Mori used anyone else as leverage.
So they kept Dazai in Anne's room too, as Lucy stayed with Atsushi and Kyoka at all times. Outside of the agency, not much was known about Dazai’s escape besides how he was able to defeat Dostoevsky, and without any word from him or Chuuya to the authorities about it, Nikolai was presumed dead alongside Fydor and Sigma.
Because of this, he spent a lot of time around Sigma’s bedside, talking to him while he slept or helping Yosano check his vitals and keep him clean. He wasn't alone, Sigma had a lot of visitors the first few weeks, as everyone wanted to hear the story of Dazai’s great prison escape.
But as time passed the work increased, and Sigma seemed to become a background thought in most people's minds. They felt bad about his condition, of course, even Chuuya came by the agency once to ask about 'Dazai’s sleeping beauty', but no one seemed to believe that he would ever wake again.
No one dared to mention that to Dazai though.
…
" Dazai ." A voice echoed in the back of his mind, soft and fuzzy on the edges, like a melody.
"Dazai, wake up." It called to him, whispering in his mind like a secret.
"Dazai!"
He finally stirred when he heard Kunikida’s familiar yell, pulling him out of whatever morbid dream had captured his consciousness. He blinked awake, taking in his surroundings half dazed.
Ah, of course, he'd fallen asleep reading at the edge of Sigma’s bed again. He often lazed about throughout the day, trying to entertain himself as much as possible without much to do. He was allowed to leave Lucy's ability whenever he pleased, the only rule being that he did not wander over to the mafia headquarters for the time being. But Dazai often felt overwhelmed outside, the reality of their situation sunk in much faster when he was being studied by the pitiful gazes of the agency members. And it wasn't their fault either, they had all suffered through it and were still working hard to restore the agency, unlike Dazai.
He rubbed his eyes and pushed himself up, moving Lucy's copy of Anna Karenina off of his lap.
"Ah, Kunikida-kun! What brings you here?" He muttered, forcing his usual cheerfulness back into his vocal cords.
"You. You hardly ever leave this place. I forget you still exist sometimes." He said sarcastically. Dazai picked up on Kunikida’s attempt to be humorous and smiled.
"Well someone has to be here when Sigma wakes up, he's gonna be pretty confused, you know? And you're always so very busy Kunikida-kun! Maybe you should visit more, take a break every once in a while, like me!" Replied Dazai, stretching like a sleepy cat.
"Dazai, you have your own bed you know? You need to stop falling asleep here, you'll injure your back." Kunikida sighed and helped Dazai stand up from the bed.
"But then who will read my dear Sigma a bedtime story? Forbidden love is so romantic, don't you think Kunikida? He would love this one." Dazai said absentmindedly, picking up the book and showing it to the other man. Kunikida glanced at the title, gently plucking it out of Dazai’s hand and resting it on the nightstand.
" Anna Karenina is a tragedy, Dazai, she kills herself in the end." Kunikida said in that matter-of-fact way he handles all of Dazai’s problems.
"Kunikida-kun! You spoiled it! Well no problem, suicide is the most romantic thing of all you know?" Dazai laughed and Kunikida simply ignored the comment.
"My point being, you shouldn't romanticize death, Dazai." He restated.
Dazai simply hummed, leaning against the top of Sigma’s headboard, watching the way his chest moved rhythmically up and down as he breathed.
"If we can't romanticize it, what else is left?" Dazai spoke, more of a breath than a sentence that Kunikida barely caught if not for the quiet of the room.
"Grief." He replied. Neither of them said much else afterwards.
Kunikida considered leaving, having completed his mission of waking up Dazai. But it was gnawing at him, the words he actually wanted to say were clawing their way out and his analytical mind couldn't hold them back.
"I need to speak with you." He began, and Dazai’s head lifted at the change in Kunikida’s tone. He looked… hesitant, shifty. Dazai could immediately tell he wouldn't like what the man had to say.
"The rest of the agency voted and well, I was their best opinion to tell you this. Dazai, Yosano has done everything she can, her ability can't wake up Sigma because his mind is beyond repair, it's-" he choked on his words but Dazai said nothing, watching.
"It's been three months, maybe it's time to let go." He finished, looking at the floor instead of Dazai’s face. He turned away from Kunikida, looking at the bed once more. Chuuya's words from the hospital echoed in his mind, Fyodor's confident assertion that Sigma would never wake up again, and Nikolai's hesitation to help.
"How cruel. You see yourself as a hero, someone who helps others, but you give up as soon as the solution isn't clear anymore? Yosano told me about your hands. How you couldn't use your ability at all. How it tore you apart. I've tried to die so many times and yet I'm still here, for whatever stupid reason it worked out for me." Dazai turned back to look at him, and Kunikida lifted his gaze to look back.
"Would you still be Doppo Kunikida without your hands? Would I still be Osamu Dazai without nullification? Sigma became more of a person in the three years he's existed than me in twenty-two. And yet, you and I get to live and he doesn't?" Dazai balled his fist, frustrated at his inability to do anything, finally boiling over after the three months of ignoring it, after pretending everything was fine and things would fix themselves when Sigma awoke. When, not if.
"You think I don't care? That I would just give up on him or anyone for that matter just because I don't see the same value in their life? Dammit Dazai! Do you even hear yourself right now? The shit we all had to go through is proof enough I give a shit! But you can't throw your life away just because you can't save everyone! He knew the risk and so did you-" Kunikida shouted back at him, but Dazai cut him off.
"God, you sound so much like Chuuya it's giving me a headache!" Dazai dismissed him and sat down, holding his head dramatically and ignoring Kunikida.
"Well, maybe Nakahara is right then! Because you've done nothing but cling to a corpse since you got back and everyone just allowed it because we were worried about you!" He didn't stop talking, knowing if he didn't break it through Dazai’s skull now they would never be able to have this conversation again.
Dazai grabbed his head even harder as Kunikida got in his space to yell at him, pulling on his hair like he wanted to pluck it all out in one go. He stood and pushed Kunikida back.
"I've never asked you to be worried about me! I'm fine! But don't act like you ever gave a shit about Sigma and then call him a fucking corpse! It costs you nothing to stand by, mind your business, and leave me be if you don't understand this! You used to roll your eyes when I threw myself into the river every other week and now you suddenly prioritize my mental health?" Dazai shouted, and Kunikida had to catch himself on the nightstand, he hadn't expected Dazai to lash out like that. He faced Dazai's anger with a stern expression, pointing his fury back at him as he spoke.
"Fine, call me a hypocrite. But who drove you to the hospital afterwards? Who came by your house every single time you skipped work? Who buys you lunch because you don't eat anything if left on your own? Who lies to Fukuzawa about the amount of work you do so you can spend half the day sleeping? Who carries you home every time you go out and get shitfaced at the bar? You've never had to ask, Dazai, because I did it anyway, and where would you be now if I hadn't?" Kunikida retorted back with vitriol. Dazai scoffed.
"Wow! Then tell me Kunikida, if you have to do so much just to keep me alive why haven't you killed me yet? If I'm such a burden to you?" Dazai jeered, mocking him. Kunikida grabbed him by the front of his shirt.
"Stop putting words in my mouth! When did I say you were a burden? I didn't! But I should have because you're so insufferable! And yet I look out for you anyway because I don't want you to die, Dazai! How is that so impossible for you to grasp? People give a shit about you here! Nobody wants Sigma dead either but if it's between you or him I'm choosing you!" He screamed, gripping Dazai like he'd run off if given the chance. Dazai fought back against him, pushing Kunikida again.
"Well, I didn't get to choose! Fate chose for me and apparently, I'm not allowed to die! So I just have to watch everyone I care about die in front of me instead!" Dazai cried out in exasperation as he finally broke free from Kunikida, bumping his back into the bed frame as he fell back.
"Dazai? Why are you yelling so loud?" A weak voice muttered from behind him.
Dazai turned around so fast his vision spun from being jostled around. Kunikida’s eyes widened when he realized who had spoken, moving to look past Dazai and at the bed.
Sigma’s eyes blinked open and he yawned softly. With a sleepy expression, his eyes darted around until he saw Dazai above him.
"Hey, where am I?" He asked softly. Sigma almost seemed surprised by the weakness of his voice after disuse.
"You're inside an ability room guarded by the agency. You're safe here, Dostoevsky is dead." Kunikida replied to him before Dazai could, and Sigma turned to him as if noticing the man for the first time.
"Oh." Was all he said. Sigma took a minute to process that information and breathed a sigh of relief.
Dazai couldn't find the words to say everything he wanted to, all of his thoughts disappeared after seeing Sigma moving and speaking for the first time in three months. The paleness of his skin and the sunken look in his eyes was the most beautiful thing to Dazai at that moment. Absent-mindedly, he reached for Sigma’s hand like he had a million times before while waiting by his bedside. Sigma felt a jolt up his arm as Dazai touched him, but didn't pull away, staring at their hands as Dazai interlocked their fingers.
Sigma looked at Dazai to make out from his expression why he'd done it, but when their eyes met, he only looked pleasantly calm. Dazai squeezed his hand softly and Sigma squeezed back, a silent reassurance saying much more than words could.
Kunikida watched them for a moment longer, unsure if he should leave them alone but knowing he had to call Yosano. Dazai hadn't looked so hopeful in a long time, Kunikida noted. So he cleared his throat.
"I'm going to get the doctor." He announced, and they both turned to look at him, breaking the moment. Sigma blushed, the redness very obvious on his face.
"Thank you." He said, and Kunikida took that as his cue to leave.
"Are you okay Dazai? How did you survive the elevator?" Sigma turned to Dazai as soon as they were alone. He had so many questions but no way of verbalizing everything, as his brain still felt foggy.
"I had some help from a friend, I'll tell you all of that later, I promise." Said Dazai, and he sat on the edge of the bed next to Sigma, holding one of his hands in both of his.
"Oh- okay. My head kinda hurts now anyway." Sigma said, and his eyes started to flutter closed again. Dazai moved to hold Sigma’s face and brushed his hair out of his eyes with his fingers.
"Dazai-" Sigma opened his eyes at the touch.
"Shhh, it's okay. Just try to stay awake until Doctor Yosano comes, okay?" He asked softly, and Sigma nodded, keeping eye contact with Dazai as he gently stroked his hair. It was comforting, and he definitely felt the urge to fall asleep again, but Dazai’s hands were too much of a distraction.
"It's hard to keep my eyes open." He admitted, and Dazai nodded. He stopped touching him for a moment to lean over the bed and grab the book off of the desk where Kunikida had left it.
"Do you want me to read to you?" He offered, holding up the novel.
Sigma glanced at the title, it looked familiar but he'd never read it before. He hadn't read much non-fiction while in the casino because he never had time for it. But Nikolai would often show him Fyodor's books and read aloud as he worked.
"Yes, I'd love that." Sigma concluded.
"Can I sit next to you?" Dazai asked, pointing at the pillows by Sigma’s head. He nodded, with a red flush on his cheeks. Sigma carefully scooted to the opposite side to make room for Dazai. The man happily took his place, sitting right beside Sigma on the bed this time and angling the book so he could follow along as Dazai read. He cleared his throat before speaking again.
"I hope you'll like it, it's very romantic." Dazai muttered before opening up to the first page.
"I've never been in love before." Sigma stated. It sounded quite sad when put in that way, but it was the truth, Sigma had never done many things before. Dazai smiled.
"Well! There's a first time for everything!" He laughed and began reading.
…
Yosano arrived some forty minutes later, with her medical bag and some tools with her. Sigma looked apprehensive but she reassured him those were for her other patients. Yosano wasted no time kicking Dazai out, as now that Sigma was awake she needed no help. And he was forced to leave Lucy's ability and rejoin everyone in the office.
The first thing he noticed was that Kunikida was avoiding him. After being berated like that, Dazai didn't quite want to speak with him either. But the nagging need to rub it in his face that he was wrong felt so tempting. So, he put on his usual deviousness and marched straight over to the man.
"Kunikida-kun! Have you told everyone the good news yet?" He flinched hearing Dazai’s loud voice again.
"Tell us what?" Tanizaki asked, interest piqued at the fact that Dazai seemed excited about something.
"Sigma’s awake." Ranpoe said casually, feet up on his desk as he sorted through some files lazily.
"Really? That's great." Atsushi joined in, turning to Kyoka and Lucy to see their reactions. The two seemed just as shocked and excited.
"I'm glad you think so Atsushi, especially considering you've all been conspiring to let him die." Dazai said, in the same cheerful voice he'd made his announcement in. The atmosphere changed immediately, as no one knew how to respond.
Most of them had the decency to look guilty at least , Dazai thought. Kunikida knew this would happen, that Dazai wouldn't have let it go so easily.
"Why's everyone so quiet? Am I wrong? Did everyone not vote to pull the plug on our dear Sigma or was Kunikida lying to me?" Dazai asked again.
"It wasn't like that, it's just-" Atsushi tried to explain but Kunikida cut him off, standing up and walking over to Dazai.
"That's enough, we'll talk outside." He grabbed Dazai by the arm and dragged him out quicker than he had come in.
Once the door shut, Dazai began laughing.
"I'm glad you're finding all of this so amusing." Kunikida said sarcastically.
"Of course, you're so predictable, it's funny." He commented once the laughter subsided. The wound was still fresh, and despite Sigma being awake he couldn't help but be petty.
"Look, I'm sorry I said those things to you, it was out of line. But no one wanted Sigma dead, so leave them out of this." Kunikida sighed, pointing at the door and trying to keep his voice down so the rest of them wouldn't hear it.
"Really? Do you feel sorry? Well apologize to Sigma then, he's the one you tried to kill-" Dazai began, refusing to be quiet. But Kunikida stopped him with a hand over his mouth.
"Stop. I will apologize to him, but I'm apologizing to you right now. You were right, it was presumptuous of me to assume how you felt and we shouldn't have made that decision without you." He said, only releasing Dazai once he had finished. He seemed pensive for a moment, but ultimately Dazai couldn't make the effort to be angry anymore.
He huffed dramatically and patted Kunikida on the shoulder.
"I'll consider forgiving you if you treat me to a seafood dinner with good wine." Dazai demanded. That mischievous smile returned to replace his mocking look.
"Fine, fine! God you're insufferable, now go tell Atsushi he's not a murderer, I can feel his anxiousness through the door." Kunikida dismissed him and Dazai happily waltzed back into the office.
For better or for worse, he was glad at least that Dazai was beginning to look more lively again.
…
"From what I can tell, your brain is reacting normally to stimulus, I'll have to do further tests to make sure you haven't sustained any residual damage, but you said the only thing you can't remember is what happened after he touched you?" Yosano spoke, putting away her tools and double-checking that Sigma’s IV was working correctly.
"Yes, anything after that is a complete blank, though I know the information transferred correctly so I think it should come back to me soon." Said Sigma, sitting up in the bed while sipping a glass of water.
"Acute amnesia is normal, don't force it, he's dead anyway. Dazai said he saw him get blown up. Too bad I couldn't confirm for myself but I'd say the fact that it's been quiet for three months means it's over." She said with reassurance. Sigma hummed in acknowledgement, but a part of what she said caught his attention.
"Wait, three months? I've been sleeping for that long?" He gasped. Yosano nodded, taking the cup out of his hand and placing it on the desk, close enough for Sigma to reach himself.
"Yes, I informally diagnosed you as brain dead but Dazai insisted we keep you hooked up to the machine we took from the hunting dogs. You should thank him, you probably would have been dead otherwise, there was little hope you'd ever wake up again." She said bluntly.
"Why would he do that?" Sigma asked, more to himself than to Yosano. He'd expected some help from Dazai, sure, he had said he'd get Sigma out of Meursault, which he did. But Sigma was practically dead and would have died if Dazai hadn't been keeping him alive for three months. That was a long time to wait for information on Fyodor, wasn't it? And would Dazai stop caring if he knew Sigma couldn't remember anything? He didn't seem like the type, but why else did Dazai need him so badly if not for the information?
He thought back to the bits and pieces of what he'd heard when he woke up, Dazai was arguing with someone about him. Why? Why had Dazai defended him, why had he held his hand and read to him softly? Why had he waited three months for Sigma to wake up? Why had he promised to keep him alive?
"Are you okay? You're crying." Yosano pointed out, pulling Sigma out of his train of thought. He blinked, and a wet glob rolled down his cheek. He swiped at his eyelashes and felt the tell-tale sign of wetness coating his fingers.
"Oh, I am." Was all he replied with. Yosano opened her bag again and offered him a tissue, which he took with a quiet thank you. He wiped the tears away and passed it back to her so she could dispose of it. There didn't seem to be any garbage cans nearby, just pink skies and an assortment of toys from what Sigma could tell. He'd been told he was inside an ability, but he had yet to wrap his head around the implications of that.
"Can you bring Dazai back? I want to ask him a few things." He asked, and Yosano nodded, ready to leave as well.
"I can, though you'll probably regret asking me that later. Scold him for me as well, would you?" She responded, before exiting the room.
When he was all alone at last, Sigma plopped back down on the bed. He felt exhausted, despite having slept for that long. His body was weak, thanks to the lack of movement in his muscles for three months, and his mind was still clouded. Sigma glanced around the room once more, the bright decor was not helping his growing headache.
Worst of all was the confusion, not just about what had happened but also the weird thing growing inside of him as he thought about seeing Dazai again. They had known each other for such a short time and yet…
He heard footsteps approaching and sat up in bed again, brushing his hair down with his hands so the strands weren't frizzing up in every direction. His hair felt a bit greasy, but not bad. Yosano had mentioned washing him when he asked about how he was being kept alive, but his hair had grown a bit too, and it seemed like no one had bothered to give him a haircut.
"Sigma, how are you feeling?" Dazai asked with another one of his grins, approaching Sigma’s bed while waving at him in greeting.
"Dizzy mostly, and exhausted." He admitted. Dazai nodded and sat at the edge of his bed again. Yosano's words rang in the back of his mind.
"As much as I'd like to chat, you should be resting if you're not feeling well Sig!" Dazai exclaimed.
"As much as I would like to, I don't think I can sleep until I've talked to you." Sigma said in a serious tone.
"You need another bedtime story, dear Sigma? I'd be happy to read to you again!" Dazai smiled, leaning in closer.
"N-no thank you." He said with a stutter, looking away from Dazai. There went that feeling again, eating him up inside and making this feel much more complicated than it should be.
"Is something wrong?" Dazai asked, picking up on his awkwardness.
"Nothing is wrong, I just-" Sigma sighed, "I just wanted to know why you saved me. Why did you bother to keep me alive all this time? Because if you wanted to know Fyodor's ability I'm sorry but I've forgotten everything I learned touching him. And I think I might get it back, but that's not a guarantee so-"
Dazai touched his shoulder and leaned even more into his personal space. Then, without a warning and in the middle of Sigma’s speech, he kissed him on the cheek.
"I've been thinking about doing that for a while now. Did it surprise you?" Dazai whispered, face inches away from Sigma’s, before pulling back.
Sigma shut up and blinked twice, looking at Dazai with wide eyes. Dazais entire face lit up, and he laughed sweetly, then pulled away to give Sigma some space on the bed. Sigma didn't stop looking at him, but he did cup the place Dazai had kissed with his hand, touching the spot as if refusing to let the tingling sensation of the kiss dissipate. Dazai laughed again when he saw what Sigma was doing unconsciously.
"W-why?" Was all he could muster, face turning pinker and pinker by the second.
"Sorry, sorry! Your reactions are so cute!" He gushed, grinning widely. Sigma was about to ask if Dazai was just trying to make fun of him, when his hands wrapped around the wrist still holding Sigma’s face and pulled his hand off of it.
Dazai held onto Sigma’s hand again, but he didn't intertwine their fingers this time.
"Dostoevsky died, I gave his severed arm to your clown friend. I don't care about him anymore, just you. Stop worrying, you're going to injure your brain again." Dazai said and tapped the top of Sigma’s head gently with his other hand for emphasis.
"But-" Sigma began, but Dazai let go of him and instead reached behind him and started fluffing his pillows. He didn't look at Sigma as he spoke again.
"I've been waiting a long time to see your beautiful eyes again, you know? Kunikida was kinda of right, I have been isolating myself. But I couldn't help it, going back to life as normal while you were trapped in here all alone, looking as still as a mannequin, felt wrong. So I stayed, I read to you, talked to you about things happening at the agency, braided your hair,"
Sigma touched a strand of hair and pulled it forwards, playing with it idly as he listened to Dazai.
"-anything I could do to spend time with you. And I don't fully know why myself, I just know I needed to be around you. Ever since I saw you lying motionless on the ground like that I just-"
Dazai couldn't stop the choked sob that escaped him, and Sigma saw the tears welling up in his eyes. He moved closer to Dazai and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his embrace. Dazai immediately reciprocated and held onto Sigma’s waist, burying his head into his neck as the tears moistened the collar of Sigma’s pyjama top.
"Thank you Dazai. Thank you for not abandoning me." Sigma said, touching his head against Dazai and holding him impossibly close, as tight as his weak arms could handle.
"Don't thank me, otherwise I'll never let go of you again." Dazai muttered into the crook of Sigma’s shoulder. He felt his skin grow warm again as the flush in his face spread.
"Shut up." Sigma said, and Dazai held him just as tightly.
Not much was said after that, the two of them were comfortable in their silence, and Dazai stayed by Sigma’s side until he fell back asleep twenty minutes later.
Dazai almost felt himself start to doze off too, but forced himself up to give Sigma his privacy. He glanced back at the sleeping man one last time and decided to tuck a strand of overgrown bangs behind his ear, exposing his forehead. Sigma always managed to look so beautiful, even comatose it was rare for him to truly look like a sick person. Part of that was due to Montgomery's ability and the machine preserving him, but the rest was his own perfect skin and angelic features.
Dazai didn't want to disturb him much longer, but he longed to kiss him once more, just briefly. So he did, lightly on the forehead. It lasted a fraction of a second and Dazai was already pulling away when Sigma moved in his sleep. Without opening his eyes, Sigma carefully reached for the back of Dazai’s neck to hold him in place. His eyes were still closed as Sigma pulled him in again and kissed Dazai on his lips.
That too only lasted a fraction of a second before Sigma was letting go and curling up in his bed once more, as if nothing had happened. The blush and smile on his face betrayed him, however. Dazai knew he was just faking being asleep, that much was obvious. But he pretended to believe it, not wanting to call him out on it and disturb the moment.
Sigma had kissed me!! Was all Dazai’s brain could focus on right now.
He pulled away from Sigma at last and left the room, content with the knowledge that the next time he returned, Sigma would be awake and waiting for him once more.
I'll always be here when you wake, my sleeping beauty.