Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Killing myself was a matter of such indifference to me that I felt like waiting for a moment when it would make some difference.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

~

She thought the internship was a joke. That was the only reason she even bothered applying to it – she figured it would be nice to see that SI were joking before ranting endlessly about how the company would backstab people and not care about them all since why should a corporation like Stark Industries care about anyone, right? Tony Stark was a superhero in his spare time, but he was first and foremost the owner of a large company that was worth more than Michelle could ever fathom. He didn’t care about the little guy. The people struggling in the shadow of his tower.

He didn’t.

He DIDN’T.

So why did she find herself in SI, surrounded by more teenagers around her age that looked up at their new lab director, Sophie, with wide, interested eyes, yearning to learn more about their new internship? The internship Michelle was so certain was fake. Was a scam. Was a publicity stunt.

And the thing was, it was such a small thing. It was such an insignificant thing, really. Michelle should have found it flattering that her submission was accepted by SI and that she got the internship, especially knowing that the other students in her school didn’t get into the program. It should have made her feel smart and capable. Seen and accepted.

But all Michelle could feel was tired and slightly annoyed that the universe managed to rob her of her failure, too. She wanted to tear into SI for lying to the public but ended up being accepted to said ‘lie’ with open arms from a smiling Sophie. Honestly, that woman was so cheerful since the moment she met all of the new interns, it almost made Michelle sick.

When her mom heard about the internship, she was happy. Not because she was glad Michelle was accepted due to her smarts. No, it had nothing to do with that. It had more to do with the fact that her mom just wanted Michelle out of the house more often than not to live her life and pretend like she had no daughter to take care of. And she didn’t even bother hiding it from Michelle – she bluntly said it all once she heard about the internship.

Michelle listened absently to Sophie, her eyes always slitting over to the windows of the lab they were in, scanning the horizon. They were currently on the 56th floor, but Michelle knew there were plenty more floors to ascend if she wanted to. And she did. She wanted to be as high as possible. She wanted to touch the sky and taste the freedom of mankind. She wanted to be all alone, with only her thoughts.

She made her move once the interns were all released home, enthusiastically chatting between themselves about what they thought Sophie would have them do once the internship starts the next week. Michelle stuck to the back of the group and let them all talk, watching from the sidelines silently. There was nothing she had to say to any of them. They were strangers. She didn’t do well with people she already knew, so to speak to these teens was absolutely not something she wanted to do.

The elevator took them all down and Michelle watched as they dispersed into the lobby, leaving in groups or on their own with bouncy, excited steps. She didn’t follow them, though. Instead, Michelle stayed in the elevator and chose the highest floor before the doors closed and the elevator took her up and to the 94th floor. She ignored the people who came and went in between, sending her confused looks, and instead just stepped out the moment the doors opened for her.

It wasn’t the highest floor, still. It didn’t surprise her, though, and Michelle just turned in search of the stairs that would lead her to the top. It wasn’t hard to find them. They were nearby the elevator and they were very much empty. No one would want to use the stairs in such a tall building when there were elevators. Michelle sent a look upward, trying to see how far she was gonna have to walk. She couldn’t tell, though, so she just braced herself and started walking up the stairs.

There were locked doors every floor which she tried opening only three times before giving up. She didn’t really care about what was beyond these doors. All she cared about was the roof. She needed to get to the roof and nothing was going to stop her from reaching her destination. Not even a bunch of stairs.

And then the stairs came to an end and Michelle pushed the door at the end with all her might, leaning her entire body on it. The door wouldn’t budge, though. Michelle frowned and shoved the hair from her eyes before trying again. She had to get out RIGHT NOW. She had to. Why would the door be locked? Why would she climb all the way up only to find herself a step away from her target, unable to get there because of a closed door??

She sighed and leaned on the door, eyes closing. This was just perfect. There was sweat on her skin from climbing so high by foot and she was stuck in a place with no air conditioning because she wanted to get to a place that she couldn’t even reach. Why did the universe decide to pick on her out of everyone else? Why was it always HER on the other end of the universe’s dislike and mistreatment? It wasn’t fair. Then again, it was never supposed to be.

“You want me to open that for you?”

Michelle looked up, surprised to find someone standing right in front of her, looking bemused and worried. She didn’t hear anyone approaching, but she was also pretty stuck inside her own head, so maybe she just wasn’t too alert to her surroundings. She figured she’d find security or an adult employee standing in front of her. What she didn’t expect was to see a teenager around her age watching her with a tilted head and curious eyes.

Pushing away from the door of the roof, Michelle offered him a tense, small nod. She eyed him warily as he offered her a smile and then reached for the handle of the door, leaned on it ----- and opened the door. Michelle blinked in surprise. He didn’t look too strong – in fact, he was probably as lean as her and she found herself looking slightly down to meet his eyes. But somehow… he’d opened the door.

She didn’t care about the logic of it. She just mumbled a thank you and bolted outside.

Michelle looked around at the roof. It was just a flat surface of concrete, unless she counted the helicopter landing pad on the other side of it. She didn’t, though. She only had eyes for the edge of the roof and the view visible from it. Everything look so small from this high up and she breathed in the air that already felt thinner than it did on the lower ground. There were people strolling down the streets and cars honking, their cacophony barely reaching Michelle’s ears.

She imagined going back home to a house where nobody would want her. Her mom always found someone else to bring back home – someone else who didn’t seem to give a shit about Michelle and her connection to the woman. The apartment would probably be trashed once again, meaning Michelle would have to clean most of it to keep her sanity intact – as much of what was left of it, at least. And then she’ll just pick up a book and try and drown everything else out because there was nothing in the world she could be bothered with at this point. No tests, no quizzes, no friends or hobbies.

Or.

Or she could just step over the edge right now and it would all be left behind her. Her mother would find it mostly a bother, probably. And the people in her school would mostly care about the fact that someone they were physically close to was gone rather than about what drove her to this point in the first place. Maybe they would try and be more considerate to others for a short while there, but after that… after that the incident would be left behind them and no one would care about the name Michelle Jones.

Well, in that case, why shouldn’t she? No one would be hurt, no one would mind. She would stop being the toy of the universe, for once…

She was barely conscious of her leg hovering over the empty air, teasing the possibility that felt more and more validated by Michelle and her mind. She just needed to lean forward. Just needed to let go of the solid ground beneath her, and she would soar to oblivion. Wasn’t that better than what she was currently suffering through?

“Oh, you’re jumping?” That voice from the boy reached her ears – apparently he was still behind her. Michelle’s body tensed a little as she expected his next words – probably to convince her not to do it. “Do you mind if I joined you? Dying alone feels like such a lonely way to go. But if we fall together, at least my last moments wouldn’t be that bad, right?”

That surprised her so much that she turned around sharply. That wasn’t a smart move, though. Her leg landed back on the rooftop, but her balance was off and Michelle found herself flailing around to try and not fall – not yet. Not because someone shocked her enough to knock her off her feet. Luckily, a hand caught her by the forearm and pulled her slightly away from the edge, holding onto Michelle until she managed to steady herself, her heart beating erratically in her chest.

And then she lifted her gaze to meet the boy’s brown, twinkling eyes. She didn’t know if it was a trick of the light or something about the boy, and she didn’t care right now. What she did care about was the fact that apparently this guy wanted to jump down, too. Was this why he was on the roof? Was he one of the interns? She was pretty sure he wasn’t – she didn’t recognize him as one of the teens from their group. But then… what was he doing here?

He offered her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought you heard me.” He shrugged and let go of her in favor of stepping closer to the edge of the rooftop, his eyes nonchalantly scanning the long drop to the ground. “Hmm… it’s a long way down. Maybe I should eat something before I do it so that I go out feeling satisfied…” He mumbled to himself.

Michelle blinked at him a few times, feeling like maybe she was just hallucinating. Because this felt… surreal.

“W-what?”

The boy turned back to her, looking way too calm for whatever it was he was doing and saying. She stared at him – almost gawking – as he pulled a backpack off his back, opened it and pulled out a sandwich. Then he settled on the edge of the roof, legs swaying back and forth over the faraway street, unwrapped his sandwich and tore a piece of it before popping it into his mouth, humming with satisfaction.

For a moment or two Michelle just stood there, baffled by this turn of events, and then she furrowed her brows and sat down next to the boy, not too far away but not too close, either. She kept her eyes on the view for a few long moments, refusing to look at the teenager that made her feel antsy and like she was the stupid one for not realizing what was going on around her. But could anyone blame her? He just showed out of nowhere and started acting like everything was completely normal while making things very WEIRD.

He caught her attention again when he waved his sandwich in her direction lightly, still smiling. “Want some? My aunt made it – it’s with scrambled eggs and… I’m not actually sure what else. All I know is that it wasn’t supposed to be scrambled, but my aunt doesn’t do well in the kitchen so we make do with what she manages.” He shrugged and then waved the sandwich again.

Michelle hesitated before nodding slightly. The boy didn’t even hesitate before tearing the sandwich in half and offering her the one he hadn’t torn pieces from. Michelle inspected it for a second, a little suspicious, and then took a bite. It was average at best. But at least it was food. She had no idea how hungry she’s been until that first bite made her belly wake up with a small growl. The boy ignored it, luckily, but Michelle hunched her shoulders and quickly took another bite.

She had no idea how long they kept on silently sitting there, surveying the world beneath their feet while munching on a not-that-great last meal, but Michelle knew that compared to other times she found herself silently sitting next to someone, this didn’t feel awkward or forced. She didn’t feel like she had to say something to break the tension or awkwardness. She felt content with just staying there and being quiet next to this stranger that offered him half his sandwich.

But once the food was gone, Michelle smacked her hands together to get rid of the crumbs and then turned to side-eye the guy. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t act like you really want to kill yourself.” She said bluntly, eventually.

The boy hummed a little and leaned back on his hands, still staring at the reddening sky above New York with a small smile. “Oh, I have a sob story. I have the best sob story. I bet it’s even better than yours. I can win an award for the saddest, most pitiful sob story in the world.” He remarked.

“Forgive me if I’m doubtful.”

“I forgive you.” He said easily.

Michelle’s brows furrowed even more at his words. “My father left when I was two-year-old.”

“My parents died in a plane crash when I was six.”

“When the school year started, I always sat alone in class because I have no friends.”

“I’ve been getting bullied since the third grade and the guy’s parents are rich and contribute a lot to the school so no one will do anything about it.”

“My aunt probably loves me more than my own mother.”

“My uncle was murdered right in front of me a few months ago.”

Michelle pursed her lips. “My mom is always out, and only half that time she spends working to get us money so we can live properly. The other half she just seduces strangers and brings them home so they both can be moody and rude to me.”

“My aunt is barely home because she has to work all the time, and to help with the money problems, I work for Jameson – the Daily Bugle, you know?”

She frowned. “How is that worse?”

He grinned. “You wouldn’t know how horrible it is until you have to work for that man.” He shrugged. “But okay, I’ll give you that.”

With a hum, Michelle scrunched up her nose in thought. “When… when I was little, my mom left me with this babysitter that always tried to get me to do her homework for her because I was smarter and when I told my mom, she didn’t care.”

A shadow crossed the guy’s face. “My babysitter raped me.”

The silence stretched after that and Michelle found herself staring at the boy next to her before averting her eyes to avoid his piercing, challenging gaze. God, he was annoying her even more than that internship. But she did have to admit, his story was pretty awful. He didn’t look like someone who’d gone through this much, but she could hear the sincerity in his voice – he wasn’t faking it or exaggerating anything – it was all probably true.

“Fine. You win this round.” She grumbled. The boy’s grin widened and then he looked away from her and down at the distant ground that no longer seemed to call for Michelle to jump toward her. Instead, the hum of despair dimmed a little. Maybe because this guy’s life sounded worse and Michelle felt kind of stupid for wanting to end it all when his hell of a life made her problems shrink in size. She looked over at the setting sun. “I need to go home.”

He arched an eyebrow at her, a faint smirk stretching his lips. “What, no jumping together?” He asked, almost sounding mocking.

Michelle pursed her lips and then got up carefully and stepped away from the edge. “I don’t feel like it. You can go – I’ll think about coming back here some other time.”

The smirk was gone, replaced by a smile and a nod. “Alright. Then perhaps I’ll see you another time.” He offered, not moving from his spot. Michelle just turned around and got back inside through the still-open door leading to the stairway. “Cya, Lonely Girl!” He called after her, voice cheerful.

She huffed. “Not very likely, Lonely Boy.” She murmured but she had the distinct feeling that he could hear her words, somehow.

“Let them think what they like, but I didn’t mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till I sank -- but that’s not the same thing.” – Joseph Conrad

~

The internship was interesting – that much Michelle had to admit. She actually liked being challenged by something that wasn’t a stupid school project she could do with her eyes closed. Now she had to sit and concentrate to solve her equations and finish the projects Sophie enlisted to the interns.

Two interns that sit in the desks next to Michelle – Mikyla and Simon – kept on trying to small talk with her a few times during the first two days of the internship but Michelle barely replied, always trying to busy herself with her own work and ignore the outside world. She kinda wanted to do what she did while reading. It was less daunting than keep up a conversation with two strangers who were overly excited about the internship and their work.

“Yes, I’m telling you, it was on the first not the second. I remember because I was with my family at the concert and my little brother kept on pestering me because it was his birthday.” Simon told Mikyla over Michelle’s head. “And then my parents made me buy him something to make him happy and I had to use half my savings for it. I mean, it’s not like he ever needed to buy me gifts. Why did I have to get him anything?”

The girl to Michelle’s right snorted. “You want your four-year-old brother to buy you something for your birthday? You know you’d get a toy train or something, right? I don’t think the kid would get you something you’d like even if your parents did make him use his nonexistent money.” Mikyla said and then turned to Michelle. “Right, Jones?”

“I don’t know.” She said dryly, not lifting her gaze from her project.

”You have little siblings?” Mikyla pressed.

“No.”

Simon sighed. “Ugh, you’re so lucky.” He muttered.

The words made Michelle frown before she shoved the parts she’s been working with away from her body, dragging her chair backward until she could get up. The back of her head tingled at the feeling of Mikyla and Simon staring at her retreating figure but she didn’t turn around to face them and instead made her way to Sophie, asking to take a short break to clear her mind.

After promising to be back soon enough, Michelle called for the elevator and then stepped inside, steering away from the woman that stood there, tapping her foot anxiously against the floor while glancing repeatedly at her watch. Michelle found herself getting more and more jittery around this woman the longer she was exposed to her, so she was very glad when the doors opened and the woman stepped out, leaving Michelle in the peace and quiet of the elevator.

Pressing the button of the top floor the elevator could get to, Michelle leaned back and closed her eyes, feeling the way she was whisked upward, further and further from the safety of the ground. And then the doors opened and Michelle quickly walked over to the staircase, her mind already bracing her to the long trek up, toward the rooftop of SI. Avengers Tower. Whatever.

She put one leg in front of the other and completely ignored the doors she knew would be locked. They didn’t matter. Maybe they were private. Maybe Tony Stark was in one of them, chilling and letting his workers do all the hard work. Maybe none of this matter and she just needed to focus on ascending to the top because her lungs were agonizing over the long trip but she had to get up there. She had to. She felt like she was suffocating with Simon’s words swirling around her brain on repeat.

You’re so lucky.

As if he knew what her life was like. So what if she didn’t have little siblings? So what? Was that all that made life hard? No. She had worse problems to take care of. Heck, had Michelle had a sibling, she would have had something more to live for, right? Unless her sister or brother ended up being just as bad as her parents or the rest of the world.

By the time she reached the door of the roof, Michelle was breathing hard and her brows were furrowed in anger. She tried pushing her weight against the door to open it, but, just like the previous time, it was locked and wouldn’t open up for her. Michelle growled in frustration and tried again. The door creaked but, of course, didn’t relent, leaving Michelle trapped inside.

“Fancy seeing you here, Lonely Girl.”

She snapped her head around to focus on the boy standing behind her, smiling just like last time. He had a bruise on his cheek, right under his eye, and when he took a few steps toward her, Michelle noticed that he was trying to hide a limp. “Bullied?” She asked.

For a second he looked confused, and then his hand briefly grazed the bruise on his face and he offered her an innocent smile without confirming nor denying anything. “Here, let me open it for you.” He moved past her and Michelle stared a little as he pushed the door… and it opened, just like last time. Once the door was open, he turned to smile at her again, gesturing with his hand. “Please, after you.”

Michelle walked through the opening and glanced at him suspiciously over her shoulder. “How’d you do it?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets.” He said. At Michelle’s frown, he just widened his smug grin.

Michelle glared at him. “It’s a good thing you’re not a magician, then.” She commented dryly. The boy laughed and raised his hands in surrender, as if caught red-handed. “So what’s the deal?”

“Technically, isn’t magic something you just can’t explain? In which case, this was a magic trick and I am entitled to keep it a secret.” He said. When Michelle just kept on boring her eyes into him, he sighed. “The doors above a certain floor have a different lock. Instead of letting anyone with a key open them, FRIDAY is the one who can allow access or deny it.”

FRIDAY was the AI running all over the tower, Michelle knew. Sophie let the interns interact with her for a little while. While Michelle was a little intrigued by the AI and how lifelike she seemed to be, she didn’t participate in the activity too much since she didn’t feel like talking to anyone that day. So most of her knowledge about FRIDAY was from her interactions with others and with Sophie. Oh, and whatever Sophie told them all, but Michelle didn’t listen to that rant THAT attentively.

The boy kept on talking. “So, she’s installed all throughout the tower and when you want to open a certain door she controls, if you’re not permitted to open it, you won’t be able to. She will only allow access to someone who’s been given it by either Tony Stark or Pepper Potts.” The boy summarized and sent Michelle a confused look when she just narrowed her eyes at him. “W-what?”

“So why are you allowed to get certain places others aren’t? Who are you, anyway?” He was too young to be an employee, but he was definitely not part of the internship program Michelle was in. So where did he come from? What was he doing in the tower? Why did FRIDAY grant him access that Michelle didn’t get?

Rubbing the back of his neck, the boy looked away from Michelle and then started walking toward the edge of the building before sitting down there comfortably. Michelle only hesitated for a moment before she took the space next to him, anxiously waiting for him to explain everything to her, or at least say something. But it looked like he was content with just sitting there and watching the view with her, like it was completely normal.

“Why are you here every time I come up?” Which wasn’t a lot of times seeing as it was only her second time going to the roof of SI, but Michelle was curious and she didn’t think he was going to answer her about the question of who he was and what he was doing there.

The boy smiled. “You now, you can’t jump today, if that’s why you came up here.” He said. Michelle just stared at him with a blank look. “See, I don’t feel like plummeting today and it would be a little rude not to wait for me. So you’re going to have to wait. I just had a pretty bad day, so it’s not the day to do it.”

“Let’s say that I agree with that logic…” Michelle drawled out. The boy turned to look at her, eyes shining brightly. “How is this being a bad day counterproductive? I mean, shouldn’t you WANT to jump BECAUSE your day was shitty?”

“Well, yes. I do want to.” He nodded, looking like he was having a discussion about how to make pasta rather than whether or not to commit suicide. Michelle had no idea how he was doing that while looking so chill. “But that’s the thing – of course I want to give up on the days when I feel bad and everything goes really terribly. The question is whether I feel the same way when things do work out, you know? THEN I need to decide on what to do next.” He nodded once more, as if summing it all up, and then turned back to the view of New York.

Frowning, Michelle waited for a couple of minutes, sent the ground below a long look, and then sighed and pulled out a notebook from her bag. She didn’t take her sketchbook with her because she knew it would mean she would never be able to concentrate during the internship, but she did bring her other notebook. The one where she wrote down everything she read that spoke to her on some level or another.

Did she come up here to jump? Yes. Because Simon’s words irked her so much that she felt like she just HAD to. But this boy made her hesitate once again, claiming it would be unfair of her to jump without him. And, to be honest, he did stay on the roof after Michelle changed her mind last time, so she felt like she owed it to him, at least only that one time. However stupid it sounded in her own brain.

Her eyes started roaming over the words written on her notebook. There were mostly poems inside, or quotes she found while browsing through the Internet in her spare time. Some of them were hopeful, others depressing. There were sad and happy and bittersweet. She loved them all, but still found herself leaning toward certain quotes today, in her current, strange mood.

“What’s that?” The boy asked, glancing sideways at the open notebook.

Michelle fought the urge to slam it shut and instead exhaled slowly and forced herself to relax. “I like keeping quotes or poems that I like nearby.” She said slowly, gauging his reaction. He looked at her with enthusiasm and excitement that didn’t match the fact that he’d claimed it was a bad day. “I just like rereading some of them, sometimes.”

“Can you read something to me?”

Her first impulse was to say no. But then she saw the genuine curiosity shining at her through his eyes and she caved and browsed through her notebook in search of something she didn’t mind sharing with a stranger. The darker things made her squirm a little and she felt self-conscious as she imagined saying them out loud. And there were certain happy quotes that nearly made her gag from how corny they sounded in her head right now.

So she settled on something she figured would fit the mood. “The funeral is over, and everyone has gone home. It’s just me and my thoughts now, and I’m sitting here alone.” She started.

“Are you trying to make me feel worse?”

“Shush.” She snapped and then gathered herself back up before continuing with the poem. “The house seems so quiet, and I’m not sure what to do. I can’t remember how I lived before the day that I met you. Maybe I should just stop thinking. And take myself to bed. I’ll crawl beneath the covers, and lay down my weary head. Tomorrow is  new day, the first of many that I’ll face without you here beside me, without your strength, your wit, your grace.”

“Aww…”

She glared at him to make him shut up and then went on to the last few words. “I’ll try to carry on or at least I’ll try to exist. Until one day you can reach me, and guide me into death’s mist.” When she turned to look at the boy, his lips were pursed and he scrunched up his nose, like he was trying had to fight back something he had to say. She rolled her eyes and snapped her notebook shut. “What? What do you have to say about it?”

Looking around, as if searching for the right words, the boy pondered her question before shrugging. “It’s really depressing.” He settled on. Michelle flatly looked at him until he pulled out his cellphone and started tapping the screen frantically, head bowed as he hid whatever he was doing from her. She considered just getting up and leaving to get back to her internship before Sophie freaked out, but then he straightened up and cleared his throat. “Alright, I have a better one.”

“A better one?”

He sent her a triumphant grin and then focused back on his phone. “Your life is your life; Don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. Be on the watch. There are ways out. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness. Be on the watch. The gods will offer you chances. Know them. Take them. You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life, sometimes. And the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be. Your life is your life. Know it while you have it. You are marvelous; The gods want to delight in you.” He nodded to himself again and then beamed at Michelle. “I won again.”

“There was no contest.” She noted, though instead of irritation, she found herself smiling a little at the foolish glint of victory in his eyes. He looked like a little kid that just won first place in a tournament where everyone his age received the same score. It was this stupid sort of win that made her forget how upset she was a moment before, if only for a second. “But I will admit that Charles Bukowski has a way with words.”

Turning to her in surprise, the boy cocked his head to the side. “You know this poem?”

Instead of verbally replying, Michelle just opened her notebook again and flipped the pages until she found said poem scribbled down on two pages, mocking her with the smiley she decided to draw next to it that day she stumbled upon the written words. The boy whistled and skimmed over the words, as if to check it was really the same thing. Then he turned off the screen of his phone and shrugged, muttering something about not being too into poetry, anyway.

They sat side by side silently for a short while after that, just watching the city below and the people and cars and everything in between. It felt like they were on their own little island in the sky, untainted by everything they saw. Michelle felt more content than she did her entire life, as far as she could recall. And the boy looked just as peaceful, even with the bruise on his cheek that seemed to fade away the longer they sat there, which was probably a trick of the light rather than anything serious because wounds didn’t heal that quickly.

Eventually, though, Michelle got up and stretched a little. “I have to get back.” She said. The boy lifted his gaze to watch her, a small smile on his face. “Don’t jump without me, Lonely Boy.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Lonely Girl.” He replied earnestly and then turned back to look over the edge and Michelle found herself lingering a moment behind to stare at his slouched figure before she swirled back around and walked into the building.

“We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.” – George Sand

~

“A boy?”

“Yeah, with access to the roof.”

“I don’t know about anyone under twenty that works here and isn’t a part of this program.” Sophie said, tapping her pen against her desk.

Michelle stood in front of her, anxiously scratching at her hand absentmindedly. She could feel it as the skin tore a little from her nails repeatedly digging into it but couldn’t stop. She was too busy trying to solve the mystery of the boy on the roof that kept on showing up whenever she went up there, preventing her from jumping with different excuses each time. At least he was creative, she’ll give him that.

Pinching her eyebrows, Sophie sighed a little and a small smile tugged at her lips. “Does he have brown hair? Big, expressive eyes? Nerdy shirts?” She asked. Michelle cocked her head to the side and nodded slowly. Sophie’s lips tugged further up into a weary grin. “He’s the tower’s cryptid.” She stated, like it made any sort of sense.

Blinking a few times, Michelle waited to see if the words would be any less vague and weird in a few seconds, but instead she just found herself even more confused. “The… the what?”

“A few months ago people started reporting seeing a kid who could access just about any area in the tower. He never said what his name was, never stole anything. He was always just… there. A few times people said he fixed their equations and helped them with their projects before disappearing. But the reports always reached Mrs. Potts and she dismissed them, saying it was nothing. Since she never gave anyone any information about the kid, we call him the cryptid.”

Well, that was a weird thing Michelle certainly didn’t see coming. So this kid’s been around the tower for a while now. He was smart but no one knew where he came from and Pepper Potts didn’t seem bothered by his presence in the tower or his access to different areas that were out of most employees’ reach. That was weird. That was more than weird, but apparently they were so used to it by now that Sophie spoke about this boy like she was fond of him.

Lowering her head a little, Michelle tapped her foot on the floor. “So… no one actually knows who it is?”

“Nope.” Sophie shrugged. “Some people actually think he’s just a myth since no one can catch him on camera. But I’ve met him before in the cafeteria. He took nearly four trays of food with him and just grinned innocently when I asked if he was taking this to his friends. I actually think he was planning on eating it all on his own.” She sighed and waved her hand dismissively. “Just don’t think about it too hard – you’re not the first to question his presence here and you certainly won’t be the last.”

Problem was, Michelle couldn’t just drop it.

Not now.

“Okay, when you said there was a sheep in the tower, I didn’t think you meant an artificial cat named Sheep.” Michelle said flatly the moment she heard the boy’s footsteps approaching her comfortable perch next to the door of the roof. There was a metal cat in her lap, purring and relaxing under her soft touch. Though the robot perked up and walked over to the boy when he cracked one eye open and took in the boy’s figure smiling down at them. “Is it yours?”

“Sheep was my entertainment project.” The boy nodded and bent down to pat the cat before opening the door of the roof. Michelle walked outside, breathing in the fresh air, and felt the way Sheep rubbed against her leg affectionately – as affectionate as a fake cat could be, that is. “Oh, he likes you!” The boy exclaimed happily.

Michelle rolled her eyes. “The programmed cat likes me? Joy.”

Her companion shook his head fondly and sat down at the edge, letting Sheep settle in his lap before looking over at Michelle. “Sheep is an AI. I don’t tell him how to act around people, he just randomly reacts situations or characters. But you can change his opinion of you if you act different for a long period of time. Like an actual cat, you know? Except he doesn’t really scratch anyone.” He rubbed the cat’s head and the robot let out another purr.

Despite looking just as upbeat as he usually was, Michelle thought she could hear a quiet, hidden note of bitterness in the boy’s tone, like he couldn’t disguise his feelings well enough, but he really wanted to. She had no idea whether or not she should ask him about it. She wasn’t sure it was her place. He was usually the one to ask her questions and expect answers. Whenever Michelle asked him personal things, he’d deflect or change the subject back to her.

So instead of delving into this, Michelle cleared her throat and settled on something else. “So… why Sheep? It’s a cat.”

“Oh, when I first activated him and he opened his mouth, what came out was a bleat, like he was a sheep and not a cat. Apparently, my friend thought it would be funny to mess with his programming, so I changed it, but the name kinda stuck.” He shrugged and beamed down at the cat. “And now Sheep goes off sometimes to the people in the tower that he really likes.” He leaned closer to Michelle to whisper in her ear. “If you give him some oil to drink, he will come back again for more. It’s a trick I programmed into him at first and he keeps on doing it despite it only being optional.”

Michelle hummed and held her hand in front of the cat’s snout, letting him sniff her before allowing her to pet him, his purrs getting slightly louder. “Well, he just showed up out of nowhere, walked around the lab and then went over to Sophie who explained what the heck a robotic cat was doing in the tower. He just sort of followed me up here.” She looked down at the street below and could feel the boy’s gaze trained on her, waiting to see whether or not she felt like jumping today. He was probably prepared with a new excuse for her to stay alive for a few more days. “So what happened to you?”

“W-what do you mean?”

“You look… sad?” Or rather… discouraged, maybe. But she didn’t even know how to explain that, so she went with a vague description. “And I wanted to know if I could… help, somehow.”

He huffed out a breath that resembled laughter but was too airy to be considered as one. His hand froze over Sheep and the cat peeked up at the boy, as if curious as to why the human stopped petting and showering him with love. “It’s my parents’ death anniversary.” He said abruptly. Michelle cringed. “I’m just… it’s not the best time for me.” He admitted, his hand passing through his hair. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do the whole… ‘don’t kill yourself’ thing today.”

His other hand, Michelle noted, was brushing against hers, just enough to draw her attention but not enough to make her feel like he was doing it consciously – he was too engrossed in his own thoughts to really notice it, probably.

Michelle shifted a little, conscious of how she was reluctant to move her hand out of his reach as her cheeks dusted with a layer of pink she despised. She needed to focus on him. He was hurting. He was hurting enough to admit to their little game of her coming up here to jump off the roof and him pretending to want to do it to only to stop her with some lame reason she would accept against her better judgement.

“I’m sorry.” She offered weakly.

The boy nodded once in acknowledgement but didn’t react beyond that, which made Michelle sweat a little. What was she supposed to do in this situation? He was usually the one to calm her down. He was the one to turned every situation into a lighter one. She had no idea HOW to fulfill this part! She was the cynic, pessimistic person. He was the cheerful ball of energy and light.

So she went back to the one thing she knew well enough. “I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one. I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.” She started reciting. The boy turned to her, his eternal smile gone, replaced by a curious, sad line. “I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways; Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days. I’d like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun; Of happy memories that I leave when life is done.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, the boy looked thoughtful for a second. “That’s a poem, right?”

“By Helen Lowrie Marshall.” Michelle nodded. “Sorry, I don’t really... know what to say.”

He smiled faintly. “It’s okay. That was nice. I’m not really much into poetry… but this is really nice.” He promised with a genuine lilt to his voice that left Michelle almost gasping at how earnest he was. “So… what, you just know poems by heart?” He asked, voice a little teasing now, like he wanted to lighten the mood somehow.

Michelle rolled with it. “It’s what I’m good at.” She confirmed. “But you really don’t know much about any of it, huh?”

“My knowledge on the subject is pretty much just ‘two roads diverge in a yellow wood’ and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” He bowed his head, as if expecting her to berate him for this.

“So… below the minimum, then?” She asked flatly and the boy chuckled for a second. Then Michelle’s features softened and she let her pinkie intertwine with his, startling him into staring at her. “You’ll stick to your stuff and I’ll stick to mine.”

His eyes glanced down at their hands before he faced her again, literal hope swirling in his big, brown eyes. “No jumping off buildings?”

“No jumping off buildings.”

He beamed at her.

“The literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself.” – Albert Camus

~

Sophie told the interns that their progress would be evaluated by Tony Stark’s intern – someone even she didn’t know by name or face. It was meant to show who really fit in the program and who wasn’t built for it – at least not at this age. It wasn’t something too big and it wasn’t something Michelle should have feared…

But she was terrified, nonetheless.

When she told Lonely Boy about it, he smiled like he found the whole thing hilarious rather than agonizingly anxiety-inducing and just told her she would be fine, which didn’t help at all. What did help was the way he grabbed her hand and didn’t let go of it until she said she had to go back down. She just liked the feeling of her hand in his. His hand in hers. The point of contact made her heart flutter and her breath hitch a little, which always drew the boy’s eyes, like he could FEEL it, or HEAR it. Which was impossible, but Michelle tried not to focus on that.

Instead, she focused on the fact that for once she climbed up the stairs to the roof and found the door already open wide. Blinking at the strange occurrence, Michelle stepped slowly out of the building and into the wide-open area of the rooftop, the sound of people talking reaching her ears almost immediately. She turned around and found a stranger – someone around her age, too – talking animatedly to none other than Spider-Man.

“Dude, that’s a bad idea. A terrible idea. The worst idea you’ve ever had – “

“I think you’re blowing this out of proportions.” Spidey muttered.

“You’re terrible at lying. You’re the worst actor I’ve ever seen – “

“Have you seen yourself?”

“Okay, that was a low blow.” The stranger pointed an accusing finger at Spider-Man and glared at him. “Betty still doesn’t know who she is – so what if she didn’t buy my lie. The secret is still safe. Which, by the way, is the way it should be! And now you want to let it slip??”

“I really, really like her, though.”

“And I like Mr. Harrington, but you don’t see me revealing your identity to him.”

Spider-Man was silent for a moment as he took in the words and then his head started shaking from side to side, like he was absolutely speechless after that strange sentence. “That is… definitely not the same, Ned.” He said slowly, like he was still trying to wrap his mind around his friend’s words. “It’s so different, I don’t even know how to react.”

The boy named Ned threw his hands in the air. “It doesn’t matter! You’re the one who insisted on keeping this whole vigilante thing a secret, remember? To protect the people you care about, blah, blah, blah… And now you have a crush on someone and you just want to throw that logic out the window??”

The vigilante shifted in place, looking uncomfortable.

Okay, this was definitely not a conversation Michelle needed to hear. So she cleared her throat loudly and the two boys immediately turned to face her. Ned’s eyes were wide open as he stared at her in a panic but Spider-Man’s expression was hidden from her so she couldn’t even tell whether or not he was shocked or alarmed at her presence there. He probably was because there was a person around him when he chatted to his friend about his secret identity.

For a moment the three just stared at each other and then Ned turned to Spidey. “Nice.” He nodded approvingly and the vigilante turned to his friend, his lenses narrowing and making him look like he was glaring at the other person. Ned frowned. “Still think it’s a bad idea, though.”

“Dully noted.” Spider-Man replied dryly and then started fiddling with his fingers. “I still wanna do it, though.”

Michelle moved her eyes from one boy to the other and back, getting more and more flustered the longer they glared at each other. She wondered where Lonely Boy was right now. He usually seemed to know when she got to the roof, but this time there was no sign of him. Only these two weirdos…

Wait.

The door was open so either Ned had to get in through it – which made no sense because if he was there with Spidey, then he didn’t need to get in through the building. Spider-Man could just swing them to the roof. Then the door would have remained shut. Or they opened the door because they were going to get down together through the building. Which left her wondering about the same thing.

But Ned wasn’t an intern and she was pretty sure there was only one cryptid in the tower. Which meant that Ned probably couldn’t open the door to the roof by himself. Someone had to do it for him, right? And that someone would have to be Spider-Man. So… what, Ned came from the inside and Spidey opened the door from the outside? Why would he do that? No, they both probably came from inside SI, which meant Spider-Man was granted access to the locked door of the roof by FRIDAY.

Yet, according to Lonely Boy, the Avengers and vigilantes didn’t get clearance since Tony Stark liked messing with them. They had to always go by Tony Stark first. And she just couldn’t imagine Spider-Man making a stop to ask Tony Stark to get to the roof just to chat to his friend when he could climb out from the outside. Which meant that… what, the guy under the mask was granted access?

It did make sense… but it also didn’t. Since it sounded like Spider-Man was Ned’s friend and Ned was a minor around Michelle’s age and the only people her age who were in SI were the interns who didn’t get access to the roof, just like Michelle. And the only other person her age that could get to the roof was…

Oh.

“Well, it’s your funeral.” Ned said eventually, throwing his head back in exasperation.

Spider-Man groaned. “Thanks for the support…” He muttered gloomily. His friend just shrugged at him nonchalantly. “Um…” Spider-Man bashfully turned to face Michelle. “I-I need to tell you – Why are you staring at me like that?” He asked, his white lenses staring at Michelle right back.

She didn’t mean to stare at him. She just… she was caught off guard by her own thoughts. Because how could she possibly put all of these pieces together be right about it all, right? She was bound to just project someone she knew onto this masked vigilante. She was just trying to look for reasons to put someone she liked under the mask. She didn’t mean to, but her train of thought just couldn’t be this… accurate. Not about this.

Right??

Opening and closing her mouth a couple of times, Michelle tried to clear her head but all she could see was that boy, with his curly brown hair and his eyes full of wonder and light staring back at her, even if Spider-Man had a mask on. Because suddenly it made so much SENSE. The one thing she couldn’t figure out about the boy she kept on meeting on the roof was how he so nonchalantly let her try and kill herself, trusting her not to do it. What if she’d jumped? What then? He wouldn’t have been able to turn back time, after all.

But if that boy was Spider-Man… well, he could just save her, like he’s done, like, a million times before. He could jump after her or catch her with a web. He could handle it if she chose to listen to him or chose not to listen to him, in most cases. So really… the only risk was hurting her even more mentally. Which wasn’t the case – Michelle actually found it entertaining whenever he rolled with her bitter, depressed moods.

“You’re him.” She whispered.

Spider-Man stiffened and glanced at his friend who started laughing, almost manically, and telling her she was losing her mind or something. She didn’t listen to him, though. She just kept on observing Spidey as the guy shuffled a little uncertainly, kicking the ground and not meeting her eyes.

“Dude, do something.” Ned whispered to Spider-Man.

“What do you want me to do??” The vigilante whisper-shouted right back. Then he turned back to Michelle. “Umm… I’ll be right back. I’ll just take Ned as far away from here as possible.” And he grabbed the boy who yelped in surprise and outrage… and swung off the roof and away from there, out of Michelle’s line of sight.

She kept on staring down at the bustling streets with her jaw hanging loosely. She probably looked remarkably stupid but she couldn’t help it. This guy… the one who kept on swinging all over the city – but mainly Queens – was someone she personally knew. And he sounded like he wanted to tell a girl he liked who he was, and then… and then he started telling HER a secret and if that meant what she thought it meant then this guy – Lonely Boy, who kept her alive so far with his wide smiles and lively, entrancing eyes – liked her.

By the time he was back, Michelle was sitting on the edge, at their usual spot, swinging her legs over the city below and feeling oddly unsafe without the person who could actually SAVE her in case she fell… well… not present. At the sound of his footsteps she turned around and found the boy – no red and blue costume in sight – walking toward her and looking a little anxious at her sitting there without anything to keep her safe.

Before, he’d never once showed that he was worried about her falling off. But he had no reason to because he was right there, ready to protect her. At the sight of her sitting there without him… well, he was in the business of saving strangers – seeing someone he knew putting their life at risk probably made him feel a little bad. To put it mildly, that is.

“Hey…” He greeted, Sheep meowing and walking behind him through the door of the stairway.

Michelle offered him a small smile for a second that seemed to lift some of the weight of his shoulders. “Hey.” She scooted a little to the side and a moment later he sat down next to her, probably closer than he needed to considering he had a lot of space. Michelle couldn’t say that she minded. “You changed quickly.”

“Oh, I took Ned back to the tower because I promised he could see my room here.” He waved his hand dismissively and Michelle felt like there was a lot to unpack here that he apparently didn’t seem to want to dwell on. She considered pressing him for the information about, you know, having his own room in Avengers Tower, but then decided that there were more important things to talk about right now. “So… now you know my best friend.” He said with fake lightness.

And that you’re Spider-Man, Michelle thought but kept the words in the back of her throat. She would tackle that issue in a bit. “The one who decided that the best way to ask his crush out was to set her on fire during chemistry class?” She asked.

“That’s-that’s the one, yeah.” The boy chuckled and Michelle took in the fond smile that appeared on his face, like he couldn’t help but think back on that memory with a lightness that seemed to enter his features every time he brought up his best friend.

“He seems… very protective.” She commented.

“Oh, he wasn’t always like that. At first…” He swallowed, glanced sideways at Michelle, and then took in a deep breath and turned to face her completely. Michelle found herself straightening up, as if trying to look like she deserved his attention and trust. “He found out by accident.” He said slowly, seemingly gauging her reaction, Michelle kept her face as blank as possible, though she also leaned in subconsciously, interested in hearing this story. The boy smiled a little and carefully took her hand in his. When she didn’t pull away, he continued. “Okay, so I came back home through the window and he was sitting on my bed but I didn’t see him, so I crawled all over the ceiling, closed the door and then hopped down, pulled my mask off, turned around and there he was, gawking at me and dropping a Lego piece we’ve been working on for days.”

“Nerd.” She blurted out.

He chuckled and nodded. “Definitely.” He confirmed. “So after he found out he pestered me with all these questions… and he really, really wanted to tell everyone the truth. Maybe he wanted the popularity… I’m not sure. But I kept on insisting that we couldn’t. And then this girl agreed to go to homecoming with me and I went over to her house,” He didn’t seem to notice the way Michelle swallowed thickly at his words. “And the man who opened the door was the Vulture – which was a criminal that hated my guts – “

Michelle scrunched up her nose. “Adrien Toomes?” She asked. At his nod, she tried to remember everything she knew about the guy. “Oh, yeah, he had a daughter… Um… Lisa?”

“Liz.” The boy said. “It doesn’t matter, though. She gave away that I was Spider-Man without even knowing and her dad warned e not to follow him, so of course I did and I ditched her without explaining anything. She probably hates me right now since I left her the night her father was sent to prison.” He cringed a little. “Well, anyway… since that day, Ned’s been on board with the whole ‘secret identity’ thing. He’s super worried about something like this happening again even though the chances of that are pretty slim.” He frowned. “Unless you take my awful luck into consideration and then… then it’s more than possible.”

“Well, my dad’s out of the picture, so no fear of that happening with me.” She said, trying to come off as casual. The look she received let her know that she was failing miserably. “But my mom is pretty mean. And she can punch you in the gut if she wants to, just because she feels like it.”

His gaze intensified, like he was worried about her again but Michelle averted her eyes quickly and hoped he wouldn’t ask her about it. Because her mom never actually hurt her physically – she left the violence to her casual boyfriends. But she was mentally exhausting and daunting. Michelle didn’t want to get into that.

Luckily, the boy didn’t press her for more detail. “So… I’m Spider-Man.”

“I think we’ve established that.”

He cracked a smile. “Well, you can never be too sure.” He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully and then grabbed her hand again. “I figured… I should tell you. My best friend knows and my aunt knows and… I was really glad when they both knew because it meant that everyone I cared about was aware of the whole picture. But then I met you and… I figured… you should know… too… even if Ned thinks I’m crazy.”

Michelle ignored Sheep nudging her side and instead offered the boy another rare smile. “Thanks.” She said and his face lit up. “I really appreciate that. Even if I actually found out before you actually said the words yourself.” She added and he chuckled awkwardly and looked away for a second.

“No… no problem.” His foot nudged against hers for a brief moment.

“You’re like that soldier from Suicide in the Trenches.” She said abruptly.

The boy furrowed his brows in confusion. “From what?”

“It’s a poem.” She explained. His mouth opened a little as he seemed to understand a little. And then he smiled softly when she started reciting the poem, extremely aware of her hands still clasped tightly in his. “I knew a simple soldier boy; Who grinned at life in empty joy; Slept soundly through the lonesome dark; And whistled early with the lark. In winter trenches, cowed and glum; With crumps and lice and lack of rum; He put a bullet through his brain; No one spoke of him again.”

“Um…” The boy blinked at her, startled by her words.

Michelle just glared at him until he let her continue. “You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye; Who cheer when soldier lads march by; Sneak home and pray you’ll never know; The hell where youth and laughter go.” She beamed at his off-put face. “Well, you remind of the first verse, but I really wanted to see how you’d react to the rest of it.”

He spluttered. “That’s just mean.” He whined a little and then he glanced down at the street way below their dangling feet. “So, what’s the plan for today? We just jump or are we taking pills instead? I say we look for a gun or something. I could probably stop a mugging and get a gun, right?”

She pressed her lips together and shook her head fondly at his cheerful demeanor while talking about suicide. It wasn’t that he thought the subject was a joke, she knew. It was just that… he knew how to reach her. Her specifically. And it helped that he made it sound this ridiculous.

Later on, she would swear on everything she cared about that she was not in control of her body, but in those few moments… she was just so drunk on how much she liked the boy sitting in front of her, making a show of something she no longer felt like she should resort to… and she leaned in, closed the gap between them and kissed him before her brain could compute the thoughts and make her second guess herself.

It lasted less than a second but it effectively shut him up, making him blink in surprise at her. Michelle was… flustered wasn’t even a good enough word to describe her feelings. She didn’t know what to think or what to do. Because she didn’t mind kissing this guy, but she was also very aware of the fact that she didn’t even know his first or last names. She didn’t know where he was from or where he went to school.

And then his face broke into a wide smile – wider than any other smile he’d sent her way before – and those worries just evaporated at once, leaving Michelle to only look at him and feel like she was exactly where she was supposed to be with the one person she owed her life to. And he was leaning in to kiss her right back, hesitant but definitely enthusiastic.

“I can’t call you Lonely Girl anymore.” He muttered a few minutes later. His hair was a mess after she kept on running her fingers through it and his lips were a little bruised – probably the same way hers were after enjoying the pure bliss that overcame her from kissing this guy. “I don’t think it fits you right now.”

She found herself chuckling before she could stifle the sound. The proud glint in his eyes was enough to make her relent – she made him happy. If that meant letting some of her guard down, she would do it. “MJ.” She said. His eyes widened in surprise and she basked in it. “It’s the initials of my name. You can just call me that.”

He looked absolutely delighted by that. “MJ… I like it.” He said approvingly and she snorted. He didn’t even acknowledge that. “I’d tell you to call me by my initials, but… that’s a bad idea.”

“Why?” She arched an eyebrow at him. “Afraid I’d figure out who you are?”

“Well, considering we’ve never met anywhere else before… no.” He laughed a little and then shook his head. “No, it’s just that my initials are PP.” He pursed his lips when she laughed at him. “Yeah, yeah, it’s hilarious. Please, get it out of your system now…” He rolled his eyes and looked away, but there was still the ghost of a smile on his face.

It took her a few moments to get herself back under control and then she leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling his arms wrapping around her protectively and steering her a little further away from the edge of the roof. The movement wouldn’t have been noticed by Michelle had she not been aware of who he was. She would have overlooked it or dismissed it as nothing. But seeing as he was trying to keep her alive… she appreciated the protective move for what it was.

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to call you Spidey now, then.” She said. There was a noticeable intake of air from him as he opened his mouth – probably to say something – but then Michelle gasped and pulled away to look him in the eye, her own dark ones twinkling with mirth. “Wait… wait, wait, wait… you’re Spider-Man…” He furrowed his brows. “…and you work for the Daily Bugle, who calls you a menace?!”

He sighed and sagged a little. “I told you my sob story was worse than yours.” He grumbled.

Michelle just kept on laughing.

“The parts of me that used to think I was different or smarted or whatever, almost made me die.” – David Foster Wallace

~

Her projects were nearly gone but the stress of knowing that it was all going to be examined and judged by someone she didn’t know made her so anxious, Michelle found herself excusing herself during the break all the interns got to get to the roof and try and get some peace of mind from just… sitting and enjoying the peaceful atmosphere the place seemed to always give her.

That, and Spidey’s presence.

When Michelle got to the door leading to the roof it was locked, as usual, and she leaned on the wall next to it, tapping her foot leisurely as she waited for her boyfriend – that wasn’t just in her head! It was real life!! – to show up, like he always did. She still had no idea how he knew she was there each time, but she assumed it had something to do with FRIDAY. If the AI could grant him special access to the roof, she could also inform him whenever Michelle decided to climb up to the roof and needed someone to come and open the door for her.

And, as usual, he didn’t fail her. With a bright smile and a bounce in his steps, Spidey – in dorky clothes rather than his spandex, of course – approached her. What was a little unusual was the sight of an umbrella clutched in his right hand and the camera hanging from a strap around his neck. The boy’s face practically lit up at the sight of Michelle and before she could ask him about the umbrella, he swooped in and pecked her on the lips, making her entire body tingle in content.

“Hey, MJ!” He greeted as he casually leaned back on the door, opening it for her while also opening his umbrella. She opened her mouth to ask him what they needed an umbrella for, but then she noticed the rain pouring down outside and her mouth snapped back shut, eyes a little wider than before. And the boy seemed to notice her reaction because he cocked his head to the side in amusement. “Haven’t noticed it was raining? I mean, they did say there was a chance of light rain today…”

“Light?” Michelle echoed weakly, eyeing the heavy rain before her. And then she locked her eyes on the umbrella he was holding. Right, he came prepared. So she marched forward and scooted close to him, allowing him to lead her outside with the umbrella covering the two of them the best it could. Her shoes still got pretty much soaked and she grimaced a little at the feeling of her wet socks – nothing was worse than having wet socks.

Laughing a little, the boy shrugged and stared up at the rainclouds. There was no sun visible to light up his face or to highlight his freckles. His eyes seemed a little duller than usual since there was no light reflecting in them. But as Michelle stared at him, she couldn’t help but think there was absolutely nothing more beautiful than this guy, looking at the rain in amazement, like it was the most incredible, breathtaking thing in existence.

Seeing as they couldn’t exactly sit down like they usually did, the two of them remained standing, enjoying the beauty of the rain and the dark sky. People said that living in a place where there was not much sun made people depressed. Michelle believed it, but in that moment… well, she just really liked the world as it was – with the gray sky and the sound of the pitter-patter of the droplets of water hitting the ground. With the colorful umbrellas belonging to people down in the street as they moved back and forth. With her boyfriend admiring the world around him like it was the first time he’s experienced rain.

Click!

Michelle blinked a few times in confusion and then turned around to see the boy beaming at her while holding his camera with one hand. It was still aimed directly at her. Did he really just take a picture of her? “Wha – “ She shook her head and tried not to let her lips quirk up. “Did you just… take a picture of me?”

His eyes flitted over to his camera and he hummed a little, probably looking at the picture he took. “Yup.” He lifted the camera a little again, adjusting it. “And I’m not done.”

“Wait – “ She flinched a little at the sound of another shot being taken. His grin widened even more, which didn’t seem possible at first. Michelle narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m a mess! Why are you taking pictures NOW?” She demanded, though she was conscious of her lips disobeying by lifting up a little. Her hand ran through her messy hair and she shuffled her feet uncertainly a little. She never cared about her looks, but in that moment she wished she paid attention to her reflection before leaving the house to get to the internship.

“Well, I think you’re beautiful.” He countered cheekily and snapped another photo. Michelle crossed her arms over her chest as he tried to adjust his grip around the camera without letting go of the umbrella. When he noticed her flustered expression, though, his features softened a little and he stared right into her eyes. “I don’t need a picture of you looking perfect, MJ. I just want to capture the moment as it is, ‘cause this is already perfect.”

For a moment she just stared at him. And then he took another picture and Michelle bit her lip. “With how cheesy you are, it’s hard to imagine you not reading poetry to pass the time.” She drawled out.

He chuckled. “Well, I’ve been reading a little lately. Mostly because you like it so much that I had to see what you were talking about. Some of it’s fine. Some I really, really don’t get.” He shrugged and then a strong breeze tried to tear the umbrella out of his grip but he held on and Michelle huddled a little closer to him, using his body as a human shield. Once the breeze died down, Michelle pulled away again to look him in the eye, her cheeks heating up a little. “Though I will admit that I’ve been reading poetry that’s less about death. I think I’ve had my fair share of those.”

She pressed her lips together and took the umbrella from him. For a moment he looked surprised, but then he quickly pulled the hood of his jacket over his head, stepped out of the safety of the umbrella and took another picture, completely disregarding the rain pouring on top of him and drenching him. He even captured the few moments of Michelle laughing at how adorable he looked with the wide eyes and soaked clothes. He looked a little like a lost puppy.

“How is it that your camera is still alright with all of the rain?” She asked.

“I waterproofed it.” He answered and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand to get rid of some of the water. “Do you know any poems about the rain?”

She pondered this for a moment, ignoring the click of his camera, and then nodded and closed her eyes to concentrate. “I don’t remember all of it, though.” She warned.

He chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t know if you messed it up, anyway.”

So she started reciting the words. “When the humid shadows hover over all the starry spheres; And the melancholy darkness gently weeps in rainy tears; What a joy to press the pillow of a cottage-chamber bed; And to listen to the patter of the soft rain overhead; Every tinkle on the shingles has an echo in the heart; And a thousand dreamy fancies into busy being start; And a thousand recollections weave their air-threads into woof; As I listen to the patter of the rain upon the roof.”

Michelle opened her eyes when no more camera clicks reached her ears and found the boy staring at her in awe, his mouth slightly agape and his camera lowered as he focused on her, and her alone, the rain not even registering in his brain. She felt like her heart was going to beat right out of her chest when she realized that compared to the look he had on his face now, the amazement this guy had while watching the rain earlier was nothing.

“And another comes to thrill me with her eyes’ delicious blue;” She cringed a little at the realization that she must have skipped parts of the poem, but her boyfriend didn’t even seem to notice or care about that. He was simply listening intently. “And I forget I, gazing on her that her heart was all untrue; I remember that I loved her as I ne’er may love again; And my heart’s quick pulses vibrate to the patter of the rain.”

There was a twinkle in his eyes as he let go of his camera and just stood there and gazed upon her, like he was watching the most mesmerizing movie. Michelle ducked her head a little but couldn’t bring herself to break the eye contact.

“There is nought in art’s bravuras that can work with such a spell; in the spirit’s pure deep fountains whence the holy passion swell; As that melody of nature that subdued, subduing strain; Which is played upon the shingles by the patter of the rain.” She went quiet and then, feeling the need to show that it was over this time, Michelle curtsied a little, smiling nervously. “What’d you think?” She asked after a few moments of complete silence.

He exhaled slowly and then shook his head a little, making water fly all around him. “It…” He cleared his throat and offered her a sheepish smile. “It was really good.” He grinned then, looking a little like he was plotting something, and offered her his hand. “Wanna come over to the drenched side?”

She snorted at his words but then gave the umbrella a brief look and let go of it, taking his hand, instead. He looked absolutely delighted at her choice and before she could even comprehend how awful it was to have her clothes and hair and skin so wet, he started leading her around the roof in a clumsy dance that would have made her think of a cringy, ridiculous movie, but she was just too happy to care about how much of a cliché the two of them were.

A part of her brain kept on itching at her, reminding her that life was more than just spending time with her boyfriend on top of a roof, all alone. She still had a self-absorbed mother who wanted nothing to do with her. She still had to go to school where nobody even knew she existed. She still had to finish her projects for the internship so that she’d have something good to show by the end of the week to Tony Stark’s intern.

But none of it mattered at the moment. She was just too caught up in the feeling of spinning freely on a roof, her entire being wet from the pouring rain that kept on drenching them, even if it didn’t feel possible. The hands on her waist were firm and reassuring in a way that made Michelle wish she could stay between this guy’s embrace for eternity – life would be so much easier that way.

And then he started singing. She didn’t recognize the song and she was pretty sure he messed up the melody in certain points in the song because he was most certainly not a singer, but she still listened to the words the best she could, because that’s what really mattered.

“Tell me in the rain about the girl you love; Tell me with a sigh about a night like tonight; And if you’re running out of words, let me lend you some more; Let me in, let it out, breathe…” He hummed a little after that, like he couldn’t remember the rest of the lyrics but he didn’t want to stop the song, either. Michelle couldn’t care less – she enjoyed it all the same, as embarrassing as all of this was. “Are you still stressed out about that evaluation?” He asked.

Michelle winced. “Maybe a little.” Which was an understatement. He could probably tell it was, too. “I just don’t know what to expect. Which is ridiculous because I shouldn’t care when I don’t really care about the internship, right?”

He looked amused. “So maybe – and hear me out on this – maybe you DO care, and you just want people to think that you don’t.” He smirked when she looked away defiantly. “You’re allowed to want this internship, you know. There are enough things in your life that you put up with even though you don’t want to – why not actually have fun doing something you like?”

She pursed her lips. “What if I mess it up, though?” She asked timidly, refusing to look at him.

“You won’t.” He promised. “You’ll see.”

They both turned sharply to look at a flash of lightening and a few moments later they jumped at the loud sound of a rolling thunder. Glancing at each other, Michelle found herself laughing alongside the boy as he dragged her back inside, sending a thwip toward the forgotten umbrella to pick it up, as well.

“And he suddenly knew that if she killed herself, he would die. Maybe not immediately, maybe not with the same blinding rush of pain, but it would happen. You couldn’t live for very long without a heart.” – Jodi Picoult

~

She had a cup of coffee on her desk though she barely even touched it, knowing that it would only make her even MORE jittery. She didn’t need the caffeine in her system right now. No, what she needed was to calm down and breathe deeply because her projects were good – there was no reason for her not to pass the evaluation with flying colors.

So why was she this nervous about it??

Of course, the answer was obvious to her. If she somehow lost this internship… her access to the tower would be gone and she wouldn’t be able to climb to the roof and meet up with the person she cared about most in the world. If she didn’t pass the evaluation, she would be robbed of the chance to meet up with that boy that’d saved her life time and time again until there was no longer a need for him to look after her.

Which was ridiculous, because Michelle knew that even if she lost the internship, that guy was Spider-Man. He could meet her outside the building if he wished to. He could find her easily and everything would be just fine. But… but it won’t be the same because the roof of SI became like a sacred place to her. The place where she learned to appreciate little moments in life. The place where she chose to give life another chance time and time again.

She didn’t want to lose this special place because she wasn’t smart enough.

“It’s coming down!” Mikyla squealed excitedly, fanning her face as she leaned on her desk and stared at the numbers above the elevator going down as the person inside came closer and closer to their floor. “Who do you think it is? Oh, I hope it’s someone nice! I don’t want to have to explain everything to some sour-faced, old guy.”

“I don’t think an old guy would be Tony Stark’s intern, though.” Simon added from Michelle’s other side, his hands messing around with his project as he refused to look at the elevator for longer than two seconds at a time. “I mean, the man’s a genius, but he’s hard to work with. At least, that’s what everyone make it sound like. I admire him, but Tony Stark as a mentor? An old guy would probably lose it after half a day in the same room with him.”

Mikyla nodded a little. “Yeah, that makes sense.” She sighed. “What if it’s actually a girl, though? It’s possible, right? Right, Jones?”

Michelle gave the girl a brief look and then shrugged. “I don’t know.” She tried to force her leg to stop moving so much. Rubbing against her other leg was Sheep, his tail swishing behind him a little as he meowed curiously at her, seemingly oblivious to the reason as to why Michelle was so anxious. “No point in wondering about it when we’re moments away from finding out.”

“But that’s the fun part!” Mikyla protested and straightened up with a yelp at the sound of the elevator’s ding – it was time.

The doors opened and the entire room seemed to hold its breath as a person got out, looking around at everyone with a sniff and a sure stride that carried him forward easily. Sophie blinked furiously at the person that stepped into the lab slowly, looking around with wide, slightly freaked-out eyes. Mikyla’s jaw dropped and Simon’s hands finally let go of his projects as they gripped the edge of his table, knuckles turning white. Someone muttered a quiet “no way” that seemed to echo around the room.

But for some reason, all Michelle could do was sag in her seat and close her eyes as she felt cheated, in a way. Because the person that stepped into the lab was most definitely not Tony Stark’s intern seeing as it was, you know, the genius, billionaire himself. He looked at everyone with raised eyebrows and the air of someone who wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see, yet he was still disappointed.

He turned to Sophie, at long last, ignoring how flustered the woman was, and put on a wide smile that looked just like the one he had in every press conference Michelle has ever seen. “My intern is a little late. He should be here any moment now, I’m sure.” He glanced at the clock hanging from the wall and then rolled his eyes. “He ran into some trouble on his way over, see, and so he called to tell me to get down here to explain.” He smirked at Sophie like she was on the same page as him. “I don’t know how we ended up with him bossing me around, but I don’t like it.”

“I…” Sophie opened and closed her mouth a few times and then shook her head violently and extended her hand to shake Tony Stark’s one. The man stared at her for a moment and then gave in. “Well, we’re very honored to have you here, sir. And, um, I’m sure he didn’t mean to… tell you what to do…” She offered helplessly, smiling uncomfortably at the man before her.

Tony Stark huffed and retracted his hand before turning to glance at the starstruck interns around the lab. “Oh, he meant it, alright. The kid’s rude like that.” His eyes zeroed in on Sheep just as the cat started crossing the room toward him, meowing with an undertone of malicious intent. “The kid built this useless piece of shit – uh… junk – just to spite me. Here, look.”

Michelle watched as Tony Stark bent down to try and pet Sheep only for the cat to recoil back and away from him with a hiss a moment before he opened his mouth and the song Look Don’t Touch started coming out of him, starting from the chorus rather than the verse. A few interns laughed nervously, looking amazed that someone dared do such a thing to Tony Stark.

But all she could think was that she knew the person who was behind Sheep. She knew him better than she knew Simon, Mikyla and probably every other person in her life. And he never – NEVER – mentioned working at the tower. He mentioned having a room here, sure, but working as Tony Stark’s intern?? Michelle assumed he had access and a room because he was Spider-Man. She didn’t think there was anything more to it.

And then the door leading to the stairway opened sharply and out stumbled a panting, red-faced teenager with curly hair and bright, brown eyes. His freckles almost matched the shade of his face and there was a bruise on his jaw that Michelle knew he received not too long ago and probably while wearing a red mask that hid the innocence he radiated subconsciously.

“You could have… waited…” He said between deep gulps of air and Michelle watched as Tony Stark stared blankly at the boy while Sophie’s mouth opened as the realization dawned on her slowly regarding who the kid that burst into her lab was. “I mean, how long does it take to change clothes?” He threw his head back and then closed his eyes before glaring at Tony Stark again. “You’re mean.”

“And yet I’m not the one who programmed a cat to hate someone.”

“Sheep doesn’t hate you – he’s just…” He rubbed the back of his neck and then rolled his head until he was facing away from the man who kept on eyeing skeptically. He moved to look at the interns until his eyes landed on Michelle who arched an eyebrow at him, making him chuckle and shift in his place a little, an awkward smile stretching his lips as a blush blossomed on his cheeks. “Oh, h-hi.”

Sighing, Tony Stark moved forward and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder, turning to Sophie and the interns, at long last. “Alright, introductions time.” He announced but it looked like the boy’s eyes were locked on Michelle as his smile widened. “This,” Tony Stark shook the boy’s shoulder lightly. “is my personal intern, Peter Parker. He covered my lab in pink goo so now he has to be the one to evaluate your progress.”

“Pink goo?” Michelle mouthed at the boy – Peter Parker (PP) – who shrugged, though there was a smug, almost proud look on his face, like the memory was a fond one.

“And I’m,” Tony turned to smirk at Peter. “going to enjoy some peace without a teenager to bug me all the time.” He let go of Peter and started heading back toward the elevator, shooting Sophie a look. “If he does anything questionable, tell FRIDAY. I warned him not to blow up this lab, just this once.”

Peter finally looked away from Michelle in favor of glaring at Tony Stark’s back. “It only happened once!” He objected.

“Once is one too many times, kid. I should probably go through the safety protocols with you again… ugh, I hate these so much.” He groaned and entered the elevator before smirking at Peter over his shoulder. “Oh, and if I find out you’ve been slacking off to hang out with your girlfriend, I’m going to make you teach Dum-E how to make a proper milkshake.”

Michelle wished the ground would swallow her whole as she sank lower in her seat, trying to disappear. Her face burned, just like Peter’s, as she noticed the way the other interns all looked around curiously, wondering who Tony Stark was talking about. Sophie’s eyes, of course, immediately landed on her and Michelle looked away from her, praying for something to happen that would take the focus off the fact that Peter Parker – it sounded fake, didn’t it? – had a girlfriend and she was probably one of the interns in this very lab.

Looking very bashful by the comment, Peter turned away from the elevator to look at the interns who all looked at him with wide, interested and curious eyes. He flinched a tiny bit and then glanced at Sophie, his eyes almost begging her to tell him what he was supposed to do exactly.

“It’s nice to meet you.” The woman collected herself quickly and held out her hand to Peter.

The boy took a moment before he rushed forward to shake it, still looking awkward. “Oh, yeah. You, too!” He cringed a little and then seemed to eye her a little. “Wait, we’ve met before, haven’t we?” He smiled. “Sophie Bolton, right? You offered to help me with those food trays, right? That was really nice!”

The woman looked slightly taken aback at being recognized but then she nodded a little and smiled at Peter, looking a little less baffled by the events of the day. And then she and Peter chatted a little bit about the program – which, as it turns out, was Peter’s suggestion to Mrs. Potts that got accepted despite Tony Stark’s protests – and what the interns have all been up to these last couple of months.

Mikyla was practically bouncing in her place, brushing her hair back with a look of appreciation. “He’s kinda hot, right?” She whispered to Simon and Michelle. Peter’s eyes flicked over to them for a brief moment but he quickly turned his attention back to Sophie who led him toward one of the interns who showed off their inventions and ideas to an enthusiastic Peter. “I mean… right??”

Simon hummed. “Maybe? In a… dorky kind of way.” He shrugged and leaned back in his seat, no longer looking too stressed out about this evaluation. “He sorta looks like the guys that get bullied in my class. Like, all the nerds. Especially with that bruise – you think he gets bullied in school, too?” He raised an eyebrow in the girls’ direction. “How come a guy like him got an internship here? And he’s so freaking close to Tony Stark – that’s unheard of!”

Fidgeting with her hands, Michelle tried not to stare at Peter as he moved to the next intern, smiling just as brightly and nodding in excitement that seemed to follow him everywhere. Sheep the cat was following the boy, no longer singing a song but rather purring while rubbing against Peter’s legs. It was so strange to see the guy in the lab rather than on the roof, Michelle found herself a little clueless as she started tapping her foot on the ground again.

“Aw, but Mr. Stark said he has a girlfriend…” Mikyla sighed. “That’s a shame. Do you think she’s really one of the interns here? Who do you think it is??” She started scanning the room, moving her eyes from one girl to the next while trying to find some kind of sign that would reveal the mysterious girlfriend to her. Michelle almost snorted at the girl next to her, but she kept it in. It was actually kind of amusing. “What about Eleanor? Or… or Jenny?”

Simon made a so-so gesture. “I think Eleanor already has a boyfriend. And it’s this rich guy – not this guy. And Jenny… I don’t know, she strikes me as the kind of girl who would stir away from boys until college or something.”

“Don’t you think that stereotyping them is kind of demeaning?” Michelle interjected.

Simon blinked owlishly at her. “Uh…” He chuckled a little uncertainly and Mikyla grinned at him victoriously. “I-I guess?”

She tuned out their conversation after that and instead tried to busy herself with her notebook of quotes. Michelle read them all briefly, trying desperately to drown out the rest of the world by doing the same thing she usually did back home, whenever she wanted to forget about everything that was wrong with her life. Mostly her mother. But right now… it was hard. Because for once she didn’t WANT to ignore the person she was trying to ignore.

Her eyes could barely focus on her words before her as she simply kept on telling her brain not to allow her eyes to rise back up because Peter Parker was right there, talking to the other interns. Instead, she thought about how she could probably use the help of a psychologist. Too bad she didn’t have enough money to pay for one. Maybe someday…

“Whatcha reading?”

She was startled by the familiar voice that came from right over her shoulder. Her head sprang up and she turned to look at the boy standing behind her, smiling a little wider at her annoyed expression. A few steps behind Peter was Sophie, staring at the two of them with a knowing twinkle that made Michelle squirm a little self-consciously.

“Death.” Michelle said eventually.

Peter furrowed his brows and turned to look at her notebook. “Death…” He read and then sent Michelle a flat look. “Do you have anything in here that’s not extremely depressing?” He deadpanned.

Michelle huffed. “It’s not depressing.” She protested. “It’s a poem that encourages you not to die.”

Clearly skeptical – but already smiling again – Peter picked up the notebook, snatching it away from Michelle before she could object. “Death is forever so don’t flirt with suicide;” Peter smirked. “Oh, look – it’s about you.” He commented and Michelle stuck her tongue at him. “Death is painful, stay away from knives; Death is not for lovers so don’t lie;” He threw another look at Michelle who rolled her eyes and ignored the slack-jawed Mikyla that gawked at her from her place, suddenly realizing what was going on between Peter and Michelle. “Death is not for me so don’t even try; Death is clever so be careful;”

“Do you mind?” Michelle hissed, noticing the looks they were receiving from the interns nearby. Sophie stared at Michelle and Peter with pursed lips, like she was trying hard not to laugh.

“Not at all.” Peter replied cheekily and kept on reading quickly, moving out of Michelle’s reach when she tried to snatch her notebook back. “Death is never fun, stay away from strangers; Death is never pleasing so don’t get caught up in the hype; Death is never fair so get used to it; Death is always occurring so don’t ignore it; Death is never what you expected, sorry but it has to happen; Death is not for you, please don’t give up;” He sent Michelle a pointed look at that. “Death is forever, don’t forget it.”

The room was silent when Peter finished reading the poem out loud and Michelle flinched a little at the feeling of the eyes trained on her – she nearly missed it when Peter handed her back the notebook, looking a little apologetic as he finally noticed the attention they were getting from everyone. And he looked even more apologetic when she glared at him.

For a second they just stayed there, quietly waiting for something to break the awkward silence. And then Peter shrugged. “Still sorta depressing.” He noted. And then he hopped onto her desk and let his legs swing back and forth over the ground as he grinned at her, eyes sparkling. “So what’ve you been up to?”

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before letting out a sigh and leaning back in her seat, her irritation dissipating in the face of how genuinely curious he was. “A bug repellent.” She shot back at him.

Peter pondered this for a moment and then nodded. “At least it’s not against arachnids.” He winked at her and then sent Sophie a cautious look. “Oh, yeah, I can’t show favoritism.” He sighed dramatically. “I hate judging things…”

“Did you really cover his lab in pink goo?”

“It was fuchsia.”

“Oh, my God.” She cracked a smile and then nudged his foot with her elbow before pointing at her projects. “Well, let’s see how unbiased you can be, Peter Parker.”

He hopped off the table and sent an interested look toward everything she had on her desk. “I can’t promise anything. But these look really cool.” He squinted his eyes at one of the things he chose to pick up and Michelle watched him fondly, her stress dissipating the longer she looked at him. “Wow… these are incredible… Told you there was nothing to worry about.” He sent a smile her way before focusing on the invention in his hand.

And to think she found this evaluation scary only an hour earlier…

~

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” – Kevyn Aucoin