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“I have this theory,” Josh stated, laying back in the grass and looking up at the stars above. Tyler hummed in response, laying down next to Josh, staring up at the same sky but never the same star. Out of billions of stars to look at theirs were always miles apart.
“Somebody always cares,” Josh said and Tyler laughed, looking over at his friend.
“Well, yeah, that’s nothing new.” Josh shook his head and sat up, turning to looking at Tyler and Tyler almost flinched back into the grass, rarely seeing the fire in Josh’s eyes that was there.
“That’s not what I mean, Ty, I mean like, if you went to a party, whether or not you know it someone is there looking for you. If for some reason you didn’t show up they’d be sad and you would never know about it. Maybe your neighbor always sees you stomping your way to school and it reminds them to eat breakfast, it reminds them what time it is and one day you’re sick and don’t go, they missed breakfast because you weren’t there, somebody cares.”
Tyler looked back up at the stars and let the thoughts sink in, let the feelings wash out of him until it left him numb and blank. Most of all though, it let the thoughts of feeling alone wash away.
“Tell me some more,” Tyler whispered. Josh was his own therapy, especially now, letting in the positive and letting the negative flow out, Tyler wanted more.
“Me,” Josh whispered quietly and Tyler rolled his head until he could see Josh, the sad look on his face as he stared at the ground, “I know I can be busy sometimes and I don’t always reply but Ty, I care about you so much. You are the only one in my life who gives me a sense of myself, I don’t feel fake around you, I don’t feel like things are crazy around you. You are my calm, I care.”
“Josh, I know you care,” Tyler said weakly, the feeling of wanting to cry was almost overwhelming.
“Maybe somebody in science heard you humming a song you wrote and he wants to tell you that he thinks it's amazing, that he would buy that song on iTunes but he doesn’t have the courage to talk to you about it. The dreams that we have, every face is someone we’ve seen before in our lives and just as many blank names we see in our dreams, we’re in the same amount of other peoples. Somebody dreamed about you last night, they remembered you because they liked your hair or they liked your outfit but they cared,” Josh began to sound desperate and he wasn’t sure where the thought had come from but it came and it overwhelmed him until the thought burned in his head, until it took all the air in his lungs and suffocated him until he spit it out and laid it out for another to hear.
“Somebody will see you tonight because they saw your smile yesterday and they cared,” Josh whispered and Tyler looked up at him, his eyes were so sad but underneath Josh could see every bit of hope there was.
“You think?” Tyler asked and he smiled, just a little bit, but it was more than enough for Josh.
“I know,” he whispered in return, “You smiled and they were floored with you, you were so human in that moment, you were just another face in the sea of all the people but you were human and you were alive, that made you fascinating and they cared.”
A tear slipped down Tyler’s face and Josh reached over and wiped it away gently.
“But most of all, I care,” Josh whispered, waiting until Tyler sat up before he continued. He took in a deep breath and met Tyler’s eyes, needing Tyler to see the honesty in his words.
“You were on break from work a year ago, you were sitting outside and you looked so lonely and so sad, when you looked up there was a car on the street with a dog hanging his head out the window and you smiled at it, you smiled and in that moment you seemed miles happier. What you didn’t know was there was a boy in the seat next to the dog, I was there, and I saw. I saw you smile and I cared. I can still see that smile in my head, see the way you looked and it has never once left my head, all because I care. I wanted nothing more than to see you smile that way again,” Josh said and he was out of breath, his chest heaving as it tried to get in enough air to fill his lungs.
“Josh,” Tyler said as another tear rolled down his cheek. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Josh’s softly, resting a gentle hand on Josh’s cheek.
“I care too,”