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«Alright Fedya, just get in the bathtub and I’ll draw you a bath, okay?»
Fyodor stood at the bathroom door, latching nervously at his own clothes.
«Nikolai, you know I don’t want to do this.»
Nikolai went to him and grabbed his hand with his own, kissing it gently.
«I’ll think of everything my dear, you just have to sit inside.»
«I don’t want to take my clothes off.»
«What, feeling shy already?»
A gloomy expression clouded his face, his purple eyes fixed on the floor tiles.
Nikolai sighed and took a step back, getting on his knees near the tub and covering his good eye with one hand. «I won’t look if it makes you uncomfortable. And you can look up while you undress. Better yet, look at me! Isn’t my hair amazing with the new ribbon you got me?»
Fyodor smiled as he looked at the black ribbon with purple lace on it, securing the long white braid. «I guess it does, Kolya.»
The other smiled too, still not looking. «I’ll keep my eyes closed until the water reaches your ribs, so warn me when it does or I just might flood the bathroom!»
«Okay, okay, I get it.»
Fyodor started undressing, his gaze wandering from the ribbon to the ceiling to the card covering Nikolai’s other eye. For a quick moment he looked in the mirror, but he was so disgusted with the image he saw that he shut his eyes violently and, with baby steps, he approached the bathtub, lying in it.
As he felt his presence, Nikolai turned on the faucet, making sure with his hand and listening to Fyodor’s voice that the water wasn’t too hot or too cold – even though that would have been difficult, considering where both of them came from -, and when the soft but low voice alerted him, he turned it off and lowered his other hand.
At times, Fyodor felt uneasy with the way Nikolai looked at him: he didn’t just look at him, he watched him, observed him, penetrating his soul with his attentive eye; his beautiful, bright eye. The one light that could rival with God Himself. Nobody looked at him like that. Nobody’s eyes knew him like he did. Not anymore.
«Now, do you want the Daffodil and Silk body wash or the Lemon and Lavender one?»
«I don’t think Silk has such a distinct smell» Nikolai then made the most adorable puppy face anyone could have ever witnessed, sweeping away the other’s indecisiveness, «Which one makes the most bubbles?»
«Oh, definitely this one!»
He threw his hand in his cape and pulled out a large bottle with a cartoonish bear wearing a handkerchief on his thick neck and a pony with eyelashes by his side. He had the brightest smile on his face, but Fyodor couldn’t help but watch him with a puzzled expression on his face.
«Kolya.»
«Yes, Fedya?»
«That is a children bodywash. »
«But I asked the salesgirl what body wash was the bubbliest and she pointed me this! I had to take it!»
Fyodor sighed and relaxed his back on the tub wall, closing his eye.
«Then go with it.»
«Yes!» Exclaimed Nikolai excited, squeezing the bottle and moving his hand around to create the bubbles. «Now, for the shampoo-»
«Kolya please, I don’t even want to do this.»
Fyodor suddenly jerked and crossed his arms on his chest, making himself smaller and smaller, wishing to disappear under the scented water.
Nikolai turned serious and scooted closer to him, caressing his pale and scrawny arm, and spoke with a warm tenderness.
«I know, Fedya. That’s why I’m asking so many question, I want you to take part in this because maybe this way you’ll realize how funny and worth it is to take care of yourself.»
The other turned his head, hiding his watery eyes behind long and greasy hair.
«It’s rotten work» he muttered, to which the other grabbed his face gently to look him in the eyes.
«Not to me, not if it’s you.»
Fyodor leaned onto him, allowing Nikolai to engulf him in a much needed hug, and after some time had passed, he stood straight again, a pinker color on his cheeks and fingers.
«I like the sandalwood shampoo.»
Nikolai smiled and passed his hand through the black hair, tucking a strand behind the reddish ear.
«Sure, my dear.»
Fyodor bowed his head so that Nikolai could massage the shampoo into his scalp, and the tension melted away from his shoulders and torso the moment his hands touched his head. He imagined this to be Heaven, among his other ideas: no abilities, no powers, nothing that could defy the perfection God granted the humans, perfection embodied by the man who now was taking care of him; as no one did, for a long time.
Nikolai kept blowing bubbles at Fyodor, and he splashed him in response, challenging him to get in the water and have a fair fight. He could have not predicted – or could he? – that the other would jump in the tub completely dressed without a second thought, sending handfuls of soap bubbles in his face with just a blow, making him a beard that could have struck the envy of Melville.
They laughed and hugged and even kissed, and when their hands were wrinkly at last, they got out, wrapped in a warm towel – which would have totally be enough for one of them, but Nikolai insisted on sharing it, so they could barely fit –, and went to bed, hiding from the mirrors and the fears that lingered on the walls, in the shadows, in their own skin. Fyodor didn’t feel like he hated himself anymore. He could even say to like himself, after all. If Kolya loved him, he owed himself that much.