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Itsy bitsy spider

Summary:

Kunikida’s life was dictated as his notebook stated. Everything was written down, every hour organized to maximum efficiency. He thrived on predictability, on the safety the inmutable words gave him. As such, when faced with such unforeseeable creature such as this one, he couldn’t help but freeze.

“Don’t worry, I got you.”

Or, that time my cat ate a spider to protect me.

Notes:

Can’t believe it’s day two and I’m already exhausted.

Prompts:
- “Don’t worry, I got you.”
- Spiders

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was 5:30 a.m. and the clock beeped.

Kunikida woke up, ready to start his routine. He did his morning ablutions and then prepared a balanced breakfast. At precisely 6:00 a.m., he was ready for his daily workout. He putted on his shoes and went on a light trot around his neighborhood.

He passed the usual runners, nodding to them, keeping his pace steady. He trotted on the spot at the end of the sidewalk, waiting for the light for pedestrians to change to green. Finally, he arrived at the park, where he began to train.

Wiping his forehead, he looked at his watch. 7:30 a.m, he was on time. He returned jogging to his house. He took a shower and had a light post-training snack. At 8:00 a.m, he was ready to go to the agency.

He arrived at 8:30 a.m. opening the door and activating the lights. He went to his table and started organizing his work for the day. He knew that today, Yosano would arrived late, as she mention yesterday that she would be occupied. As it was a school day, the Tanizaki siblings, as well as Miyazawa and Izumi, would come in the afternoon. The president, his secretary and Rampo would be arriving at mid-day, as they had a meeting with the local police chief. Nakajima usually arrived around 9:00 a.m., while who knew when Dazai would come, if he even did today.

Tisking in contempt, he shook his head to get that annoyance out of his thoughts, so that he could start working properly. That done, he began filling his report regarding yesterday’s investigation. It was a small case, a clothing store whose manager had noticed that there has been some inconsistencies in their accounting books. She asked for the agency to look if there was any embezzlement occurring.

The time passed quickly, the only sounds in the agency the click-click-clack of the keyboard. Then, from the corner of his eyes, he saw a black spot. He tried to ignore it, but couldn’t help taking another look. He froze.

It was moving. Walking stealthily towards him. Kunikida stared intensively, tracking its movements. His finger twitched. Its legs were raising and lowering, up and down, every second getting closer.

He couldn’t take his eyes away from it. Suddenly, it walked under some of the books resting on his desk. With a type of desperation he hadn’t felt in a while, Kunikida threw himself backwards, chair scrapping against the floor.

‘Where is it? Where is it?’ He thought franctly. He wasn’t panicking, of course not, but with it out of his sight he could know where it was, what was it doing.

Then, the doorknob shook. He was suddenly faced with the choice of looking and greeting whoever was entering the agency and to continue watching the area where the creature hid. The answer was obvious.

“Kunikida?” He heard Atsushi ask.

“A spider.”

“What?” The younger man stared perplexed at his coworker.

“A spider. There. Under the books.” Kunikida said while staring with narrowed eyes said books.

“Don’t worry, I got you.”

With silent feet, Atsushi approached Kunikida’s desk. So quickly that the blond man couldn’t do anything but widen his eyes as his heart jumped to his throat, Atsushi threw the books to the floor, watching with slitted pupils any sign of twitching legs. He saw the spider scrambling away a few paces at his left.

He tracked his movements, not paying attention to the spluttering Kunikida. He began to slowly stalk towards the spider, circling the fallen books as to not step on them and making no sound at all. He crouched, eyes never leaving its black hairy form, getting closer and closer. Then, he pounced.

Kunikida yelp as Atsushi brought his two hands to capture the small arachnid, then sighed in relief when the other showed that he had the spider in his hand.

“Thank you Atsushi, you can put it outsi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”. Kunikida power-walked closer to the younger one, who had raised his hand towards his mouth.

Looking directly into the other eyes, Atsushi open his mouth and popped the spider in. Then, he gulped.

Kunikida was flabbergasted and, after a few seconds of staring incredulously, he tried to open Atsushi’s mouth and began shouting at him to spit it out. For his part, the tiger man was refusing, trying to turn his head away from him and escape his clutches.

And so, that’s when the doorknob turned again, but the room’s two inhabitants weren’t paying it even the minimum of attention, busy at they were. Dazai stared at the baffling scene. Then, after deliberating is he really wanted to know what had happened, he closed the door and went to his laptop to see what the cameras had recorded. Laughing to himself, he sent the video towards the ADA group chat and busied himself staring at the now screaming Kunikida and petulant Atsushi. He thought, ‘Oh, how I live for these moments’.

Notes:

This was brought to you by that video of a man using his cat as an insect catcher. Of course, then the cat ate his prize.

Also, Kunikida’s reaction was based on the fact that their is nothing more scarier than the fact of not knowing where the spider is. (Like, it is still there?, did it move closer to me? Is it touCHING ME???!!!!)

Thank you for reading!
- likewise

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