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Dean and Lexi had been officially together for about 6 months now. They had picked up a hunt near Palo Alto. It was just a basic salt and burn, but Lexi and Dean decided it was a good excuse to drop by Stanford and say Hi to Sam.
The hunt went fine. It really was just a salt and burn which was a nice change of pace. Dean threw the shovel in the trunk of the impala. Just before he closed the door he turned and caught a sneeze in his fist which triggered a cough. For a moment he stood still and assessed himself. He was exhausted, more than he thought he normally would be after such a simple hunt. He could also feel a budding headache developing behind his eyes. Shit he thought. He did not want to be sick right now.
At first Dean thought he would try and conceal the fact that he was coming down with something to Lexi. He took care of people; people didn’t take care of him. More than the fact that his father had drilled into him at a young age that his brother was his to look after, Dean truly was a caretaker. It was in his nature. He didn't get sick often, and when he did, he usually pushed through it, not wanting to be a burden on anyone.
That night when he and Lexi got back to the motel room Dean wondered if he would make it to Palo Alto without Lexi figuring him out. He could feel that the flu taking hold of him was going to be a nasty one, and as much as he tried to soldier on, he knew he couldn't hide it from Lexi forever. Dean sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his temples, his face pale with a thin sheen of sweat coating his forehead. Lexi was rummaging through her bag, unaware of how miserable he felt. He took a deep breath and finally admitted,
"Lex, I think I'm coming down with something. I feel like shit,” Dean said with a sigh. Lexi turned to him; concern immediately etched on her face.
"Oh babe, really?" She asked.
He shrugged weakly.
"I thought I could tough it out, but it's getting worse,” Dean groaned slightly. He looked up at his girlfriend with tight, tired eyes. “I think you should book another room. I don't want you to get sick because of me."
Lexi walked over to him and pressed a soft kiss to his head.
"You're burning up sweetheart," she said softly and ran a hand through Dean’s hair. Without thinking Dean leaned into her tender touch. He wasn’t used to this. Having someone to make him feel better. To touch him with kindness and care. It made him feel things he didn’t know how to deal with. So, he just gazed at Lexi. She smiled at his faraway look.
"Okay, tough guy, get under the covers. Let me take care of you,” she said as she pulled the blanket and sheet down from the bed.
Dean hesitated.
“Lex, I really think –” he interrupted himself with a coughing fit. Lexi gave him a look that left no room for argument. Dean gave in and crawled into bed, feeling utterly drained, and let Lexi tuck him in. Honest to God tucked him in. He thought once again that this wasn't used to, but he had to admit, having someone take care of him felt strangely comforting. Lexi made Dean hot tea and lay next to him until he fell into a fitful sleep.
The next morning Dean woke feeling like he had been hit by a truck. Lexi continued to fuss over him. She got him soup from a little deli in town, which was a thing of beauty, and went out to the pharmacy and stocked up on cold and flu medicine.
It took a few more days, but Dean's fever began to ebb, and he started to feel a bit better. He even tried to crack a few jokes to lighten the mood, though his voice was still raspy. Lexi humored him and chuckled at his stupid jokes. He was grateful to her for the support she had given him.
They were just starting to think about heading toward Sam’s place the day after Dean had been completely fever free. He was sitting up on the bed reading a battered copy of Slaughterhouse Five. Lexi was curled against him dozing in and out. Dean looked down at her and smiled slightly when he realized she was wearing one of his sweatshirts. Little clothing thief. He thought with a chuckle. His smile faltered when he noticed the flush on his girlfriend’s cheeks. It was gone when a shiver ran through Lexi, even as she cuddled into him.
"Hey," he said, his concern evident as he brushed a bit of hair out of her face. "You feeling okay, Lex?"
She looked up at him and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it came out weak.
"Mmm, I’m ok babe,” she said, her voice raspy.
But Dean could see through her attempt to downplay it. He reached out and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead, and she winced at his touch.
"You're burning up," he remarked, worry lacing his voice. Lexi sighed and snuggled into Dean even more.
“I’m fine,” she said with a slight cough.
“Lex, it’s ok to just say ‘I’m not ok’,” Dean said. Lexi sighed.
“No irony in that statement,” she quipped back at him. Dean rolled his eyes. Lexi shivered and Dean’s brows drew together in a frown. He rubbed his hand up and down Lexi’s arm.
“You cold sweetheart? Surprising considering you’re in my sweatshirt,” he said with a teasing smile.
“I guess you caught me,” she replied.
“Guess it’s my turn to do some looking after” Dean said as he kissed her lightly. He got up and started the kettle for tea. Lexi, despite feeling rather awful, smiled as she watched Dean bustle around the motel room. He brought her some pills with the tea which she dutifully swallowed.
“Ok sweetheart, you rest up and get better,” he murmured and tucked her in.
Dean took great care of her over the next few days. Did everything that she had done for him and more because she let him. Unfortunately, Lexi's condition worsened. Her cough developed into a deep wracking bark, and her fever rose despite Dean's efforts to keep it in check. It was when she spiked a fever close to 105 and her breathing had become shallow and fast that he knew that this had become more than the flu. Lexi needed some real help.
"I'm taking you to the hospital, Lex," he declared, his voice firm. "You're not getting any better, and I can't just sit here and watch you suffer."
Lexi could only nod weakly in agreement. Dean wasted no time and bundled Lexi up in warm clothes, strapped her into the impala and tore off to the closest urgent care center.
Lexi was barely conscious when they pulled up to the emergency doors. Dean scooped her up in his arms and carried her, bridal style, into the emergency room. Dean called out for help, panic in his voice. Two nurses were there in a moment with a gurney firing questions at Dean.
“What happened?”
“What’s her name?”
“Your relationship?
“Any allergies?”
Dean stammered through the answers as best he could. After a quick check one of the nurses started rolling Lexi towards the treatment room. Dean started to follow, but another nurse stopped him with a gentle hand on his chest.
“Sir, she’s in good hands. I need you to stay in the waiting room,”
“But I…” Dean started. The nurse shook her head.
“We’ll let you know when you can see her.”
Dean just stood in the middle of the emergency room for a moment. His thoughts racing too fast to hold onto any of them. When his brain finally caught up with itself, he staggered to a chair and sat. He lasted less than ten minutes before he was up and pacing again, his mind buzzing. What was happening? How bad is she? Is she ok? This is all my fault. Minutes dragged on like hours and all Dean could think about was how helpless he felt. He had never seen Lexi sick. Not like this. Injured? Sure. Scared? Definitely. But sick like this? No. Not his girl. He suddenly noticed he was clenching his fists so tight he was digging halfmoons into his palms. He needed to talk to someone. To hear a familiar voice. With hands trembling he pulled out his phone and dialed Sam’s number.
He picked up on the second ring.
“Hey, you two on your way?” Sam said with a smile in his voice. Dean let out a shaky breath that sounded suspiciously close to a sob.
“Sammy,” Dean started, but his voice stuck in his throat.
“Dean? What is it? What’s wrong?” Sam’s voice changed in an instant. It was all nervous concern now.
“It’s…It’s Lexi Sam. She…” Dean swallowed. In the pause Sam jumped in.
“What happened to Lexi, Dean, is she hurt? Are you ok?”
“No…she’s, she’s sick…Sam. It’s really bad. I had to take her to the hospital. They took her away and I don’t know what’s happening,” Dean’s throat closed on the last word, and he choked back a sob. Sam’s voice came through.
“Dean, it’s going to be ok. Where are you?”
He held on to the sound of his brother’s voice like a life preserver. Dean told him the name of the hospital.
“I’m on my way ok Dean? I’ll be there soon, and we’ll figure this out,” Sam said in a moment.
Dean just nodded, not thinking that Sam couldn’t see him. He hung up the phone. He took a moment of comfort in the fact that Sam was coming. But it only lasted a moment. Dean’s thoughts were consumed with fear for Lexi. He couldn’t keep the worst thought away.
What if I lose her?
Sam rushed through the hospital doors, scanning the busy waiting room for any sign of his brother. It didn't take him long to spot Dean, who was pacing back and forth with an agitated energy that signaled he was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.
"Dean!" Sam called out, quickly closing the distance to his brother. He could see the dread in Dean's eyes, and it immediately sent alarm bells ringing in his own mind. Dean looked up at his brother, his eyes wide and frantic.
"Sam," he breathed, his voice trembling. Sam reached him and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder.
“Hey, any news?” he asked.
"It’s all my fault Sammy,” Dean burst out in a rush. “It’s all my fault. She’s here because of me. I couldn’t…I didn’t keep her safe. I should have kept her safe!” Sam could hear the near hysteria in Dean’s voice. “I should have brought her in sooner. Sam what if…what if we lose her. Sam, I can’t lose her,” Dean’s breath was coming in short sharp gasps, and he clung to the front of Sam’s jacket. Sam put his hands on his brothers’ shoulders.
“Dean, stop. Take a deep breath,” Sam said and started breathing deeply himself holding Dean’s eyes. Dean matched him and after a moment his shoulders dropped a little. “This is not your fault Dean. Do you understand? You could not have known this was going to happen.”
“No, Sam, you don’t understand!” Dean said, his panic rising again. “I’m the one who got her sick! She wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been so careless, or if I had made her get another room.”
“Dean,” Sam soothed, forcing his brother to look at him. “Breathe. You are not to blame here. People get sick every day. There is no way you could have known. She’s gonna get through this ok?” Sam said gripping Dean’s shoulders again. Dean took another deep breath. Sam nodded encouragement and breathed with him.
“You’re right Sam…you’re right.” Dean sank down into a chair and put his head in his hands. After a moment he looked back at his brother who had sat down beside him. “Thanks for being here man. It…it means a lot.”
“Of course, where else would I be? Anyway, Lexi's tough as nails, and she's got you in her corner. She's in the best place she can be right now.”
Another hour or so went by when a doctor finally called for the family of Lexi. Dean jumped to his feet and rushed over; Sam was close behind him.
“How is she? Is she awake? Can we see her?” Dean asks in a rush.
The doctor glanced at Dean and Sam, his expression somber.
"She's still unconscious, and her condition remains critical. She’s been diagnosed with severe pneumonia, and she had febrile seizure shortly after being admitted. It’s not dangerous itself, but it does mean her body is under a lot of stress," he explained, his tone gentle but honest. "We're doing everything we can to keep her stable,” the doctor said. “You can see her, but she likely won’t be awake or very coherent for a while yet."
The doctor's words hit Dean like a physical blow, and he felt his heart constrict in his chest. Lexi was in critical condition. She wasn’t even conscious still. Hearing the words out loud only served to keep the fear in Dean pumping.
Sam, ever the steady figure of reason and strength, was still at his brother’s side. He could see Dean glaze over while the doctor spoke, so he jumped in.
“Thanks doctor, for looking after her,” he said with a soft smile. The doctor nodded and led them down the hall to a recovery room and left them. Before they went in Dean turned to his brother, his eyes wide and panicked.
"Sammy, she's... she's got pneumonia…she’s not even conscious yet. It’s been hours,” Dean was starting to spiral again. “God, this is all my fault. I should've done something sooner."
Sam placed a reassuring hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, this isn't your fault. You did everything you could. We'll get through this together, okay? Come on, let’s go in and see her.”
Dean nodded, grateful for his brother's support, and followed him into Lexi's room, his heart still heavy with worry and guilt. Sam remained by his side, ready to offer support as they stepped into the room where Lexi lay, connected to various machines, her face pale and fragile.
Seeing her like this, Dean's emotions threatened to overwhelm him once more. His hear pounded, his breath caught in his throat, and his hands shook slightly, but he couldn't afford to break down completely. He took a deep breath, his eyes locked on Lexi's still form, and he reached out and took her hand. He sank into the chair Sam brought him. He brought Lexi’s hand to his lips and kissed it softly. The he whispered, "You keep fighting, Lexi. We're right here for you. You're going to make it through this."
Lexi's eyelids fluttered open, and for a moment, she felt disoriented, unable to immediately grasp her surroundings. As the fog of confusion lifted, she recognized the hospital room and slowly pieced together the events that had led her here. Taking care of Dean. Getting sick herself. Feeling worse. Then feeling way worse. Dean rushing her to the hospital. She sighed, cursing her luck that the one time Dean opened up and just let her take care of him, she was the one who ended up in the hospital.
Her gaze shifted to the chair beside her bed, and she saw Dean leaned over, his arms crossed on the edge of her bed. His head down, fast asleep. A faint smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she watched him. His presence was comforting. She hopped he hadn’t been too worried about her. She knew he had a tendency to catastrophize, and something like her ending up in the hospital would not have been easy for him. Lexi sighed, which brought her attention to her body as she felt the crackle in her lungs. It hit her like a wave. Bone deep exhaustion, pain in every limb, and the shivery feeling of fever crashed into her. She moaned softly.
Dean must have heard her and sensed her small movements, as he stirred and snapped awake. His eyes widened with surprise and relief as they met hers.
"Hey there," he said, his voice thick with a mix of emotions, relief being the most prominent. "How are you feeling?" Dean leaned forward and touched her face lightly, running a thumb across her cheekbone.
"I'm... I'm okay," she replied, her voice soft and a touch hoarse. "Better, I think. Thanks to you."
Dean let out a sigh of relief, his features softening with genuine concern.
"You had me worried sick," he admitted, his voice trembling slightly. "I was so scared, Lexi.” The shine of tears in his eye gutted her.
Lexi reached out a trembling hand, gently cupping Dean's cheek as she tried to reassure him. "Hey, I’m ok," she whispered, her voice filled with warmth and affection. "I’m going to be ok Dean."
But despite her best efforts to comfort him, Dean seemed trapped in his spiral of guilt and fear. His eyes were still filled with worry and uncertainty, and his grip on her hand tightened.
“Lex,” he choked out. “I don’t…I couldn’t…” he was having a hard time getting words out. Lexi gripped his hand tighter.
“It’s ok Dean,” she said.
Tears flooded Dean's eyes, and he didn't try to hide them any longer. He let out a shuddering breath and tears streamed down his cheeks as he whispered, "God, I'm so sorry, Lexi.” Dean pressed his forehead to their clasped hands, hiding his face. His shoulders were shaking with sobs.
“I thought…” his breath caught in another sob “I thought I was going to lose you.”
Lexi’s heart broke.
“Oh Dean, baby no. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” she said, reaching over with her other hand and running her fingers through his hair. “What happened is not your fault. What ever gave you that idea?” Lexi asked earnestly. Dean glanced up at her and looked like he was about to say something when the door opened. Lexi almost shouted at the person to go away, but when she saw Sam her words died on her lips.
“Sam!” she exclaimed. Sam’s eyes found her and light up seeing her awake.
“Lexi, welcome back to the land of the conscious!” he said striding to her side sliding into the other chair. Dean hand turned away to get himself under control.
“Thanks Sam,” she said hoarsely. The moment with Dean was broken. She hoped now that she was clearly on the mend he could stop beating himself up about it, but knowing Dean, that probably wouldn’t happen.
Three days later Lexi was completely over being stuck in the hospital.
“Doc, please can I just get out of here? How long are you going to torture me?” she begged her doctor. He smiled indulgently at her.
“Not much longer,” he said as he checked over her chart. “In fact, I think you could probably be discharged by this afternoon.”
Lexi sighed dramatically with relief. Dean moved from where he had been leaning on the wall.
“Is that a good idea doc? She’s still pretty weak,” Dean asked protective concern all over his face.
“Dean,” Lexi started.
“Lex, you had a seizure four days ago. We need to know you’re good ok?”
“I can assure you, with the way Lexi has responded to the antibiotics and the fact that her fever is well down and hasn’t spiked in over 24 hours I am confident that she is on the road to recovery,” her doctor reassured. Dean didn’t look convinced, but he nodded. The doctor gave him a prescription to fill for oral antibiotics and a heavy-duty cough medicine and told Lexi he would start the discharge paperwork.
“Dean, seriously? Questioning my doctor?”
“Lex, I need to know you’re safe ok?”
“Dean, we’ve been over this. I’m ok. I’m safe, I’ve been well looked after not only by the staff but by you and Sam as well. I’m ok.”
Dean sighed and collapsed into the chair at her bedside.
“I’m sorry Lex. I just,” he paused for a second. “This really scared me. You went down so fast, and…” he sucked in a shaky breath “I just want you to be safe.”
Before Lexi could say anything else, Sam walked in with a big smile.
“Good news!” he said. “I’ve got it all worked out. You two are coming to stay with me at Stanford until Lexi’s back on her feet.” Lexi’s mouth dropped open.
“Sam, you don’t have to do that. We can just find a motel or something,” she said incredulously.
“Not a chance,” Sam answered. “I’m not going to let my future sister in-law convalesce in some crappy motel,” he said. Dean shocked them both by standing and engulfing his brother in a crushing hug.
“Thanks man,” he said his voice sounding suspiciously choked. “That means a lot.” Sam hugged him back, exchanging a look with Lexi.
“Of course, Dean,” he said softly. Dean let him go and stepped away.
They all chatted on and off for another few hours until finally Lexi was discharged. Dean set up a nest in the passenger seat of the impala much to Lexi’s delight. She snuggled into her warm cocoon, ready for an easy drive. She was glad to be out of there, and to be going to stay with Sam. As much as she hated putting him out, she liked the idea of recovering in a proper apartment and not a motel, and she knew it would do Dean good to spend some real time with his little brother.
“All set?” Dean asked as he slid into the driver seat.
“Let’s roll,” Lexi answered with a smile.