Archive of Our Own

Before Shen Yuan moved to the small touristy mountain town to manage the late night slot for a local radio station. He had an internship at his older brother's station, well one of them. It wasn't unusual for his Jiu-ge to send him between stations with tasks or to fill in as a substitute. That was only a bother when he was informed at the last minute. Last minute replacement usually meant someone had been unceremoniously fired, or his brother was put out. Put out by something related to the younger brother. 

That was fine, it became routine and even Shen Yuan knew it was hard to get into that line of work. Eventually with the rise of the internet, smartphones, and everyone and their mother starting a podcast. Radio Stations were starting to feel left behind, but it's what he wanted to be a part of. To be a show host of a late night program aimed at the strange, and unusual, mainly. Stuff his brother found distasteful. Jiu-ge was very clever though. He'd been modding one station building as a test to be suited for live-streaming, and in time for more professional pod-casting. Yuan knew just how much his brother hated that term.

Before all that started Yuan had just convinced his brother to let him be an intern. He had "promised" to take better care of himself. This meant to quit smoking (smoked only outside and made sure he didn't smell like an ashtray), Eat a more balanced diet (he’d start adding on some sides to his meals), and to fix his sleep schedule (was 12 a.m. too early?). He hadn't really been the healthiest out of his siblings, but as an adult it was a miracle he was as functional as they were. Though maybe he wasn't, bad health, and obsessive fascination with the occult. He had a vast collection already of books on the strange and macabre. He also visited forums to seek out more bizarre mysteries. Sometimes he even caught strange events unfolding as they were being reported.

He was reading a text on his old flip-phone. It was Jiu-ge, reminding him he'd be checking if Yuan was actually keeping up his end of the deal. The tired young man sighed with a smile on his lips. His brother was always so overly concerned over his health, borderline controlling at times. You'd think he was his father instead of just a sibling. He looked down at his convenience store purchase. He would make an effort to do better, just one thing at a time! Sleep schedule seemed to be the easiest one to fix first. 

His train of thought was interrupted with the sound of something heavy hitting a wall, followed by a woman and man screaming back and forth. Ah of course his neighbors. They had been quiet when they moved in; that was a year ago? Maybe it was 2? Shen Yuan was terrible at keeping track of time in the larger sense. He could only seem to keep track of it on a week by week basis. Toward the beginning of this year they seemed quite excited about their nephew coming to live with them. The kid didn't seem happy, but he appeared hopeful? They had introduced their nephew to the whole apartment complex, him included. He felt bad for the small boy. He had made the effort to give his warmest smile as he introduced himself to him. The boy's name was Luo Binghe. Shen had to admit he understood why the husband and wife were so happy. Luo Binghe was the cutest kid he'd ever seen. 

He was sure they'd spoil Luo rotten; that was sadly not the case. The stress of taking care of the kid seems to ignite something volatile between the couple, or Shen Yuan figured maybe they had always been that way, but now they just gave up on hiding it? His feet sped up the staircase. He felt anxious from the shouting and smashing. What about Binghe? Was he in the apartment or had he left. The small boy was shrunk into himself in the hallway. It hurt deep in the man's chest. Yuan had forgotten the slew of complaints he had planned to send his brother. Now he was focused on the poor boy known as Luo Binghe. He didn't know much about the kid other than his big eyes were dark as the night sky and his dark brown almost black hair was wild and wavy pulled back into a small ponytail. He wondered if the kid liked having long hair, or if his neighbors just not bothered to take him to get it cut. Pushing the thought aside. That was for future Yuan to think about.

As he approached his own door Yuan noticed the kid's feet shifted in more. Ah right, he's trying to make himself so small he won't be noticed. Before he really thought about it, his voice could be heard. He didn't think he could sound so warm. It reminded him of his older brother's friend from school. He can't remember his name, but he was always kind to him no matter how mean his brother was. 

"I see they're fighting again huh? Well if you'd like to hide somewhere, why don't you join me? I just got back from work, and I stopped by the convenience store, so...if you're hungry I have more than enough to share?"

 God he hoped he didn't sound like a creep. Nothing he said would imply that he was, but he had the dangers of strangers beware hammered into his head, by his family and school. 

"It's okay if you don't, just know if you need something come knock on my door ok?" 

He stood there long enough to not feel like he was blowing the kid off, nor too long that it was creepy. Shen Yuan wanted to make sure he gave time for the poor thing to respond one way or another. Finally letting it be he turned; that’s when he heard small steps followed by a waist high presence. It was Luo, he stood up quietly and moved quickly to his neighbors side. Yuan opened the door and moved aside to let Binghe in. The two inside, he closed the door just as the screaming got louder. Whew, good riddance. He didn't know how the neighbors just above or below could handle that, but he'd worry about the kid in his apartment instead. 

"Make yourself comfortable! The couch is a comfy place to sit, I'll get the tv turned on for you too." 

He moved slowly. No need to scare the kid by moving quickly. He opened the bag and pulled out a bottled drink and some cheap steamed buns he picked up from the little store just down the street from his complex. Man, now that it wasn’t going into his body he felt really conscious about his food choice and quality. Jiu-ge was right, but hey, in his defense Yuan hadn’t planned on feeding a kid. He set them gently on the little side table next to Luo Binghe on the couch. He gently picked up the T.V. remote and changed the channel to a station meant for kids. It had cartoons along with more education based programming. 

“There you go. Eat up and watch some tv. Relax. It’s gonna be okay little man. If you need anything let me know.” 

He didn’t want to smother the kid, just make sure he was ok. Not that he really knew how to do that. 

His apartment was a pretty good size for its price. Something about the former tenet dying under mysterious circumstances and people being afraid it was haunted. Shen Yuan loved that kind of story, but he didn’t really believe in ghosts, and even if there was, with the price they were willing to take he could bunk with a spirit roommate. He would have loved to have his pc in his bedroom, but it was too cramped for that, so he settled for it being in the main room where the tv, and kitchen were right across from each other. The pc was just right of the window facing the street. It was time to get back to arguing with this airplane guy about a murder series based on a true story.

After an hour or so of occasionally looking over his shoulder to see Binghe was still watching the tv, had become invested in a local mystery on another forum as he was startled back to the real world by a small voice. Binghe was looking over from the couch. 

  “Mr. Shen, how long can I stay? Is it okay if I stay for dinner?” 

His big dark eyes sparkled from the light of the window. He seemed small like a mouse, or a lamb. Lambs are considered small, right? It’s too cruel; this kid is too cute! How could they fight with each other all the time and not provide a nice home environment for this kid. He’s precious! 

“Of course. Though, won’t your aunt, and uncle wonder where you are, if you stay that late?” 

Binghe’s eyes slowly drifted down to the floor, and he shook his head. Ah right, they seemed to not care even now. He looked at the empty bottle and what was left of the buns from earlier. The kid deserved an actual meal. Yuan moved from this pc to the kitchen. A quick glance told him what he already knew. He didn’t have much to put anything satisfying together. He looked over at the boy who’d been watching with interest from the couch. 

“W-well, it seems I’m a little short on supplies.” 

The kid sunk a little into the back of the couch. Was he that disappointed, he must still be really hungry. 

“That’s alright I’ll make a quick trip to get us something to eat. Is there something you really like? What’s your favorite, maybe I can get you some.” 

Binghe’s eyes seem to somehow get bigger, and shine brighter. 

   “R-really? Anything Mr. Shen? “

“Really! I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t mean it!” 

Immediately the child put deep thought into it. Like it had been the first time anyone had asked him in earnest. Yuan had to fight the urge to chuckle. Really, Binghe was too cute! He just wanted to spoil him. Alright, from this point on he’d be like a big brother. 

  “Mr. Shen, could - Could I have more of those buns you gave me earlier?”

“Huh? Those? But those aren’t very-”

Yuan couldn’t finish that sentence, the look of disappointment on Binghe’s face felt like a hot knife in his chest. A big sigh followed by a bigger grin at the kid.

 “Alright, but not those ones, I’ll get better ones. I’ll also pick up something more nutritious too.” 

It was late evening now, it’d be cool outside with fall just about here meant the nights were cold. He grabbed a small throw blanket his brother had gifted him last year, placing it on Binghe the small boy squeaked from the fast movement. Oops, I forgot to keep my movements slow. 

“I’m sorry A-luo. It’s just getting cooler in the evenings. I didn't want you to be cold.” 

He moved away and towards the door putting on another jacket, because he refused to switch from his shorts to pants. They went down to his knees and it wasn’t that cold. He’d be fine with another jacket. 

“Stay put for as long as you like, and don’t open the door for strangers. I’ll be right back.”

He gave the kid another quick glance. Binghe pulled his head out from the blanket. His big eyes beamed at Yuan with a nod of his head. 

  “No strangers!”.

A returned nod and yuan was out the door. UGH! This kid is gonna kill me! I’ve never wanted to be a dad so bad in my life. He shot a dirty look towards the door down the hall a little ways. It made him hate his neighbors all the more. Today was turning out to be a weird day emotionally for Shen Yuan. He had a younger sister, but she, like the rest of the siblings, treated him like the youngest due to his naturally poorer health. This was the first time he understood how they all must have felt. He hated it, but it made his chest feel warm. He decided not to linger on why that was and to focus on feeding the little lamb in his apartment. 

Shen Yuan had thought about calling CPS or some law enforcement against the couple, but he had heard about a lot of cute kids like him getting lost in the foster care system and worse. He decided he’d just stick around and supply a safe place for Binghe.

      P. O . V. change.

He’d only been with his aunt and uncle for half a year, but it had been the most miserable experience he had just short of coming home to find his adopted mother dead in her bed. He didn’t even get to go to her funeral. They had rushed to find a place to put him. To get him out of the way. His Aunt and Uncle seemed happy to care for him, but what they wanted was the money they’d be given each month to see he was cared for. They made sure he was fed, clean, and went to school. They didn’t beat him or anything of the kind. They just made no effort to really get to know him, or make him feel loved. He was to be seen and ignored when he spoke.

How hopeful he’d been when they showed him off to all their neighbors, it diminished as they went. He was a sharp kid. His mother always told him that. It didn’t escape his notice that his Aunt and Uncle seemed to be searching for a specific reaction from the neighbors they talked to. It didn’t go unnoticed how they reacted to the last neighbor they introduced him to. Mr. Shen wasn’t as old as most of the other tenants he’d met. He looked to be in his early 20’s if even? His features were soft, and when he looked down to meet Binghe’s eyes, he didn’t feel the need to hide from him like the others. The man had hazel eyes. Soft browns with flecks of green. It reminded him of something. Fallen leaves stuck in mud? Mr. Shen even leaned down to shake his hand and introduced himself.

He seemed nicer than the others, but his aunt and uncle seemed nice when he first met them too. He wouldn’t be deceived again. He knew his mother’s love and kindness would never be found again. He’d never get that from someone else. That was something not meant for Luo Binghe. So when he woke up today to the sound of his aunt and uncle arguing he felt like something was festering and was going to explode from inside him, like a corpse left in the sun. His eyes stung as he held back tears just to get dressed and slid out of the apartment. He was good at slipping out unnoticed, but with how little his aunt and uncle cared while fighting he didn’t have to try that hard. 

Once in the hallway, he slumped into a ball. Still on his feet he let himself cry away from the ears and eyes of his “family”. He’d been there for only 10 minutes when the steps from the stairway rapidly approached. They stopped suddenly. The voice let him know it was his neighbor Mr. Shen. His voice sounded even softer than the day they met for the first time. He didn’t try to approach him, but offered him food, and a place to hide away from the audible arguing happening just on the other side of the wall behind him. Binghe wouldn’t be tricked again by soothing words and appearances. 

After a short pause Mr. Shen assured him that it was alright, if he didn’t want to, but that he was there if he needed him for anything. Anything huh? What was anything? What was the limit on anything? The boy felt bitter and more angry, but the memory of his aunt and uncle's reaction to Mr. Shen when they first met. It was predatory wasn’t it? It was the look he’d seen them give anyone they took advantage of. Wolves staring down a deer. Binghe took notice his neighbor had waited patiently for any response before turning to unlock his apartment door. 

He wasn’t sure entirely why, but before he put more thought into the feeling he stood up and moved to Mr. Shen’s side. Surely his neighbor couldn’t be worse than his aunt and uncle. They clearly looked at this young man like he was someone they could take advantage of. That bothered the boy, but he didn’t know why. Once inside he took a look at the humble apartment. It was only a little smaller than the one he was currently living in. It was made for one or maybe 2 people. Unlike his, Mr. Shen’s apartment was much more calm and inviting. He could smell incense and books. There were quite a few bookshelves loaded with strange book titles with even stranger covers. Posters decorated the walls. He could tell Mr. Shen liked scary stories about aliens and cryptids and other things. Yet despite that. It felt like he could finally breathe.

Shen Yuan didn’t just share his food from the convenience store, he gave it all to Binghe. His neighbor gave him the drink, the food, and let him sit on his couch watching t.v. He didn’t even mind when the small boy raised the volume higher, because for a moment he thought he could hear his aunt and uncle again. No, the young man just sat down at his computer and typed away. Sometimes furiously while at other times just tap here and there. He would occasionally look over to check on the kid. Binghe could tell when he was going to look because he would start to lean and turn his ear towards the couch where he was. 

The small boy felt weirdly at home. He thought more about what made him decide to trust Mr. Shen and hang out in his apartment. It wasn't a radically smart idea. It must be his eyes. There had been a look in his neighbor's eye that felt familiar. It made him feel safe and warm. He took in how much the sun moved across the floor as the day dragged on. The idea of leaving and going home made his insides sour. He already felt so at home in Mr. Shen’s apartment. Finding his voice, he faced the man from the couch. He asked his neighbor if he could stay for dinner. The young boy expected rejection. He’d been nice and fed him earlier, but there was no reason for him to want to continue to feed the boy. Instead he received a warm acceptance to his request.

Now watching Mr. Shen from the couch he wondered what he’d make for the both of them. To his surprise his neighbor didn’t have enough to make dinner, but still intended to feed the boy. The young man always seems to have a smile for Binghe. Mr. Shen even asked what Binghe wanted to eat. 

He hadn’t really expected to have a say. Binghe was used to just eating the food placed in front of him. Surely there was something he really wanted, but he just couldn’t think of anything. No, there was one thing. He glanced at the left over packaging from the steamed meat buns from earlier. They weren’t very good, but while he ate them earlier, he felt better than he had in a while. So that’s what he wanted. He asked the young man standing in the small kitchen with such a soft look. When Yuan gave him a moment of dismissal about the buns, Binghe let his disappointment be visible. His neighbor let out a sigh, before sending him another smile. 

He hadn’t expected Mr.Shen to place a blanket on him. He let a squeak escape from the sudden movement. He felt embarrassed, but the quickness of his neighbor's apology soothed him. It clicked for him under the blanket. The familiar look and softness. It reminded him of his mom. How’d she cover him with a blanket with little prompt, just the idea of him getting cold bothered them both. Making sure he was fed. He couldn’t help but beam at his neighbor on his way out of the apartment. Mr. Shen was nice. The young man gave off the same kindness his mother did. The look his aunt and uncle gave him bothered him because he knows it’s how they would have looked at his mom. 

He was gently woken by Mr. Shen. 

  “Hey, A-luo, sorry it took so long.”

Steamed meat buns, along with a few other dishes he didn’t quite recognise sat on the table. His neighbor made sure that Binghe was fed first. He started making his own while Luo took a few bites. He still wasn’t sure what everything was. It didn’t taste bad, but seemed a little bit like a mish-mash. A few used pots and pans sitting in the sink told Binghe that this food had been prepared by Mr. Shen. It also let him know his neighbor wasn’t a very good cook, but had put a lot of effort into it. 

  “OH look! You have such a great smile! Does the food taste good?”

“Mn, it’s good.”

It was edible, but it was far from good. It was however the best thing he’d eaten in a long time, because it was made with all the best intent, just for him. It wasn’t fair. He watched his neighbor try his own cooking. Luo took in all the subtle face twitches, and how the man’s brows furrowed as he judged his own cooking. 

“Mr. Shen?”

  “Mm? What’s up?”

He looked down at his food, only lifting his eyes to look at his neighbor’s face to see his reaction. Mr. Shen smiled with his eyes. His harsh assessment from earlier was wrong. His eyes were like warm tea, with the leaves left in. Very pretty. 

  “Can I call you Yuan?”

The man was very happy about the question. He nodded as he reached over and handed over another meat bun.

  “Yes of course! Can I call you Binghe? How about Xiao-Binghe?” 

His neighbor was teasing about that last one, but binghe’s heart skipped a beat and his face felt warm. He nodded in agreement, because he really liked the idea. 

“Of course….Yuan-ge.” 

He paused but decided to try it. To hear it outloud. He could feel the burn in his ears now. How silly, He barely knew his neighbor and at the first little kind treatment he clearly overstepped. His neighbor sat there in silence. Was he stunned? Binghe didn’t know he felt too ashamed and afraid to look. He startled at the feeling of a hand on his head. Yuan was chuckling as he petted his head.

“Alright then it’s agreed! I can’t believe how cute my Xiao-Binghe is!” 

He placed another steamed bun on Luo’s plate, and encouraged him to eat. When he finally left to go home, his aunt and uncle barely inquired where he had been. He told them honestly he’d been hanging out with Mr. Shen today. They should have been more concerned, but they were happy with the answer. 

     “Ah, Mr. Shen  is a good kid, he’s a good influence. You know his whole family has money. It’d do you well to get in his good graces. It could open doors for you Bingbing”

He felt righteous anger swirl in his gut with something more venomous. So that’s why they were the way they were with Yuan-ge. They wanted Binghe to use him. They wanted to use him through Binghe probably. Well, he would never use him like that. He wouldn’t let them use him like that. Even so, he wouldn’t stop going over to his neighbor’s apartment. He couldn’t. He loved being there. He went to bed that night with a full stomach, feeling warm inside. He looked at the ceiling as he drifted off. Maybe he’d been too hasty in thinking he wouldn’t find someone as kind as his mother. Shen Yuan, his neighbor, was so much like her. He couldn’t wait to go over there again. Would tomorrow be too soon?

Over the next few weeks Binghe would wait outside of Shen Yuan’s apartment. Waiting for him to get home. His neighbor had a strange work schedule. It left Binghe waiting out in the hallway, or knocking on his neighbor’s door. Today after school he went straight to Yuan’s apartment and knocked on the door. After about 3 minutes hearing someone rustling around, the door opened. 

  “Oh, Xiao-Binghe! What are you doing? Did you just get home?”

“Yes Yuan-ge, Sorry did I wake you up?”

Yuan’s hair was a mess. He had been taking a nap, due to him staying up too late. It was his day off, surely he was allowed to slack on those days right?

  “No, it’s alright, I was only napping. Do you want me to help with your homework?”

“Yes please!”

Honestly, Binghe didn’t need help. He was doing well academically, but he loved the undivided attention. He would pretend to struggle with a subject till Yuan was exhausted. Then it would just “click”. In his neighbor’s defense he wasn’t a terrible teacher. It’s just that Binghe found he enjoyed toying with his Yuan-ge. When he wanted praise or comfort he just had to act a certain way. It was deceptive, but it was harmless. Right? He wasn’t asking for money or anything like that. Just attention. What he hadn’t planned on, however, was the early birthday present from Yuan. 

“Yuan-ge, what is this?”

  “It’s a key! A key to the apartment!”

He beamed at the key. Why did he give him a key to the apartment? 

  “It’s in case I’m not home, and you need somewhere to hide, or work on your homework quietly.”

His Yuan trusted him with a key to the apartment. He was letting him know this was also his home. He wondered if, once he was old enough, if he'd just let Binghe move in too. Later Yuan and him made a guest account on his PC so if Binghe needed to use it for school work he could. He just had to follow Yuan’s rules. 

Binghe was over at Yuan’s so often sometimes he’d stay there for days at a time. His Aunt and Uncle would give fake apologies about it. Each time Shen Yuan would wave it off. He’d let them know he had no qualms about it. How he saw Luo like a little brother. Binghe hated seeing their pleased faces each time, but could let it go each time he was sent a reassuring grin from his neighbor.

This went on for years. He barely spent any time at home, even when his aunt and uncle were getting along and not fighting. One evening when he was home he found a note left for him. His aunt and uncle had decided to go out for a date, so he’d have to fend for himself. He just crumpled up the note and tossed it. He picked up his backpack, and left for Yuan’s. He always announced his arrival before he was fully in the apartment so he didn’t startle the young man. Binghe had done that before. That was the day he learned of Yuan’s poor health. The man nearly fainted. It scared Binghe. Shen Yuan's limbs were shaky and he struggled to catch his breath. He recovered after a quick trip to his medical cabinet behind the mirror in the bathroom. He didn’t ask if it was his heart or asthma. Binghe figured that Yuan would tell him about it later. He would never have guessed with all the horror movies, and scary shows the man watched that he had a medical condition like that. How unfair. 

He always took off his shoes near the door, and set his backpack on the couch. He heard Yuan shuffling from his bedroom and a window shutting. 

  “I’ll be right there!” 

Normally Binghe would have said something, but his attention was on the large amount of discarded fast food packaging and assortment of instant noodles in the trash. The top one had eggshells inside. Ah he must have added a boiled egg. Knowing now how poor Yuan’s health was, the amount of unhealthy food he ingested made him anxious. One day it’ll catch up, and he’ll be alone. Binghe knows this, that’s why he’s been learning how to cook. 

As much as he adored his neighbor, the older man was a terrible cook. It’s a blessing he knew enough to keep from making himself sick. Not that Binghe would trade any of those dinners for the world. Yuan finally popped out of his room. He was in his usual shirt and shorts. 

  “Hey, I saw your Aunt and Uncle head out earlier, so, it's just you and me for dinner! Anything you want? My treat!”

“I’d still be over here even if they were home.”

He tilted his head and beamed at his Yuan-ge. His neighbor shook his head and sighed. A few steps and he was reaching over and patting the top of Binghe’s head. The patting turned into him having his hair mussed. 

  “You are going to be so dangerous! You are going to be pulling girls left and right. All the other boys aren’t going to have a chance.”

Yuan was always saying something along those lines. He was telling Binghe he was charming, but the idea of dating the girls he knew at school soured his stomach. They were nice, it wasn’t them, it’s just, that they weren’t the person he liked. That trail of thought was interrupted by Binghe noticing a new scent just underneath the incense and smell of books in the apartment. It was familiar but he couldn’t quite place it. Probably because as soon as he picked it up it was gone. Yuan moved back toward his bedroom. 

  “Ugh I feel gross. Give me a moment. I’m going to take a quick shower, then we can head out for some dinner. Think about what you’d like, and don’t worry about the cost!”

Binghe saw this as a great opportunity to start on improving his neighbor’s health. He moved quickly hoping Yuan had enough ingredients to make something. What luck! He did! By the time Yuan came back out in clean clothes, now with a sweater. He was always complaining about being colder after a shower. His feet stuck in place as he saw Binghe cooking. It registrued what he was seeing, rushing in to check if everything was fine, including Binghe’s fingers. 

  “H-hey! What are you cooking without supervision? What if you cut yourself or set yourself on fire?”

“I’m sorry, Yuan-ge. It’s just that I’ve been learning how to cook. I wanted to surprise you.”

He liked the attention but was worried Yuan might be truly angry with him. Would he kick him out or just give him a lecture? He’d take the latter, but the former was still possible. He would do what he knew would work. He looked down, furrowed his brows, and let his lips pout just slightly. Looking as apologetic as he could. He felt Yuan’s grip ease up on his hands as he let out a big sigh. It took alot to not smile. He knew he’d quelled any potential anger. His Yuan-ge could be hard to guess what he was thinking, but easy to read in the ways that mattered to Luo, and he could be manipulated. Binghe always felt a little bad for it, but reasoned again like before, it wasn’t for anything nefarious. It was okay. 

  “Haaa, well I appreciate the thought, but I would have preferred you told me. If I had known I’d have helped out some. Well, how much longer till it’s done? I can help with what’s left.”

He resisted letting the man help. Binghe insisted Yuan sit back and relax while he finished it up. He wanted to do everything to show how grateful he was to the kind neighbor who made his childhood better. Yuan gave up, feeling a little embarrassed and a little proud at the idea he’d been that impactful on Binghe’s childhood. To hear the kid say it so confidently like that seemed a bit much to him. Conceding still, he went to sit at his computer and read up on more the things he was into. Binghe didn’t get the appeal, but felt that there had to be something to it. His Yuan-ge loved that stuff, maybe it’s a taste that’s acquired in time. He’d make an effort to get into more of it, so they could have lengthy conversations about it. Now that’s a nice thought, instead of those forums where they upset him all the time, he could just talk to Binghe. 

Yuan wouldn’t stop praising Binghe’s cooking. This led to the usual praise he thrived on at this point, but again the praise that stung as it settled into his chest. How he’d make a great husband and how any girl he set his sights on would be really lucky! He didn’t want that, but he knows Yuan is being sincere. Doesn’t make the sting feel any less painful. His face must have betrayed a little of what he was feeling, because he found his neighbor’s hand on his squeezing tightly. He looked up at Yuan, who was giving him that caring smile that reached his eyes. That same look he had when they first met. 

  “Whoever it is you like, will definitely like you back! You are a great kid!”

Binghe put on his best face, pulling his hand away chuckling. 

“Please Yuan-ge I don’t have a face thick enough for such praise!” 

The dinner was a success, and led to Yuan trusting him to make dinner for them both more often. Only when with supervision of course. He offered to help too. The temptation of cooking together with his neighbor was tempting, but Yuan was truly better out of the kitchen. That night Binghe had a small spiral. He cried as quietly as he could. He didn’t want either his Aunt or Uncle to check on him. They’d get nosey and admonish him for being stupid and moody. As things were he’d know Yuan wouldn’t take him seriously, and probably wouldn’t understand. He didn’t want to chase his Yuan-ge away. Why did he have to be like this? Would his neighbor really turn him away in the end, would he just sigh, laugh and pat him on the head. Say he was still his Xiao-Binghe? He was so nice. He was so nice to him. Yes he wouldn’t take him seriously, but he wouldn’t chase him away.

This year he started High School. Just like Yuan said, he was attracting the attention of his classmates. He had plenty of girls approach him. Some of their exclamations of infatuation were really sincere; he didn’t mind those, though he did feel bad to reject them. The ones he would admit he loved to reject were the ones who saw him as a trophy to show off. Just like his Aunt and Uncle. A curt and disrespectful rejection. The kind he wanted to give his Aunt and Uncle if he could. He had to deal with a few bullies early on, but It didn’t last forever. Yuan would be the one to pick him up from the police station a few times. Unbeknownst to him Yuan had been placed down as family by his Aunt and Uncle. Even the school had him as an emergency number to call. 

That had been a true outlier day for Shen Yuan. Leaving work early over an emergency he wouldn’t share with his older brother. That would have consequences later. Nothing Yuan couldn’t deal with. So he thought. The young man had paragraphs of disappointment formed just for Binghe when he had to be picked up from getting into fights, and later from some sort of prank gone wrong. Binghe tried to explain that his friends had convinced him it’d be a good idea. (Scratch that, it was the other way round.) 

“It’s not that big a deal Yuan-ge! No one was going to get hurt. It was a harmless prank.”

  “Harmless? You and your “friends” moved a whole car from its parking spot. They are going to try and say you guys stole it! I mean…you did steal it. That is very serious, Binghe!” 

Binghe wanted to laugh thinking about how the kid whose parents owned the car started screaming in its absence. You could hear Ming Fan freaking out all the way across the quad. If only one of his little lackey’s hadn’t spotted them going into the theater they would’ve been able to disappear with none the wiser. 

“It is harmless. We didn’t even steal it. He left it unlocked. We just put it out of park and pushed it over to the theater.”

This explanation should have been funny, but Shen Yuan only got more frustrated. 

  “You are lucky, I smoothed things over with the school and that kid’s parents. Now I have to explain it to Jiu-ge. You haven’t met him, but trust me this isn’t harmless!”

What did that mean? Jiu-ge, that was his big brother. He always talked about him in a very roundabout way. All he knew about him was that he was very “protective” of Yuan. Seemed more possessive to Binghe. Shen Jiu was someone Yuan respected, loved and feared. Why would it be his concern about the whole thing? Because he had to miss a few hours? Binghe didn’t try to act sweet, he was going to dig his heels in this time. Was this a test of Yuan’s resolve? Maybe he wanted to see how far Yuan would bend and let him get away with something. Maybe he just wasn’t sold on it all being that big of a deal. It wasn’t supposed to be until Yuan stuck out his hand into Binghe’s sight. Binghe eyes followed the arm up to its owner. 

  “Give me your key.” 

“What?”

  “Give me the key to my apartment.”

Nothing hit as hard as this. Binghe reasoned a sledgehammer to the chest would hurt less. Binghe could feel his eyes burn and the ugly uncontrollable tug of his face contorting. Anything but that. He’d even take Yuan slapping him to this. He shook his head.

“P-please Yuan-ge, I was wrong! I’m sorry.”

Yuan’s hand didn’t budge, but something softened in his face. Binghe saw a glimpse of hope. His fear and anguish were real. If anything, it made him more desperate to do anything to change Yuan’s mind. He hadn’t cried in front of anyone since that day in the hallway. Maybe that was what motivated his neighbor to comfort him in the first place. He decided he’d sacrifice a few tears before he’d give up a day’s access to that apartment, or his Yuan-ge. One then two. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared into Yuan’s eyes. 

“Please, I was wrong. I won’t do anything like this again!”

Yuan’s rage died the moment the first tear welled up in Binghe’s eyes. Maybe it had been too drastic. He was still just a kid. Kids do dumb things all the time. He brought his hand up to Binghe’s head and hugged him. 

  “Fine. You can keep the key. Don’t think you are off the hook though! I nearly had a heart attack after being called by the police. I thought something horrible happened to you!”

As he turned to open the door to the apartment he missed the smile Binghe failed to contain. He’d barely recovered before Yuan stopped him from entering. He pointed toward Binghe’s Aunt and Uncle’s apartment. 

  “You are still in trouble, and I’m still angry. I have to figure out what to tell my brother before I call him. Go sit in your room and-”

Binghe wondered if he could get away with the same trick twice. No, he decided. Instead he would appeal to his Yuan-ge’s graces by playing the part of an apologetic, and pliant kid. He nodded before his neighbor could finish his sentence. 

“I understand Yuan-ge.” 

Yuan didn’t know it was so hard to discipline anyone. Not anyone as precious as his neighbor anyway. His Jiu-ge made it look so easy. He was sure he’d probably hear from Binghe around dinner time. He’d decide later if he’d let him in then. Right now he has to focus on dealing with Shen Jiu first. Of course Binghe would try to come back around dinner. His neighbor had terrible eating habits, and needed the healthier dinners Binghe made for him. It took a little coaxing through the door but Yuan agreed to spend dinner together. He also made sure that any homework Luo had was finished. For a week Binghe could only come over for dinner unless it was an emergency. Again he would be pliant. He had to strengthen the good image his neighbor had of him. This would not be the last time he’d get in trouble, he just learned to hide how big of a role he played, and how his friends were just misunderstood. He looked like a good kid with bad friends. His Yuan-ge would chastise him and tell him he was too sympathetic and not to get caught up in “their” shenanigans. 

The end of his third year of highschool is right around the corner. He’s only a year from being legally an adult. Time can’t go fast enough for him. He lays in bed, eyes shifting between the ceiling, and the various posters he’d collected. He had quite a few photos of him and Yuan from around the city. His neighbor had bothered to spend his days off from time to time to take Binghe places. Museums, the zoo, movies, and even a few times out of the city to some sort of theme park. From what it sounded like, these were things Yuan-ge didn’t get to do often when he was growing up. It was probably due to his health. His thoughts were interrupted by the smell of cigarette smoke. It was his uncle. He would take the batteries out of the smoke detector, open a window and smoke inside. It was such a gross habit.

He went to school, catching Yuan coming in with a few groceries. Binghe wanted to help him put them away, but his neighbor wouldn’t let him do that when he needed to get to school. It was hard for Binghe to focus in his classes. He knew that the kitchen would be full of ingredients for him to make a good dinner. A list of meal plans was going around in his head. It’s not like he was behind in his studies anyway. He’d plan to make enough for the leftovers to be used as lunch for his neighbor. Nothing particularly happened that day. He even decided to skip his last class. He would just text a classmate and get the homework assignment from them. Binghe waited around before heading home. He wasn’t sure if Yuan would still be home or head off to work. If the man was home, he’d know something was up. He would know Binghe had played hooky. If he wasn’t there? No problem. As he got older Yuan not being home was its own kind of blessing. 

Binghe could clean the apartment up, but more importantly. It gave him freedom to rifle through everything. He even knew his neighbor’s computer password. His Yuan-ge really should sign out on all the sites he visits. He forgets to clear his browser history too. He’s definitely seen things no one else was supposed to see or know. He took pride in that, even if he couldn’t share it. He also saw how vicious the man could be with his words on the forums he visited. Who knew his seemingly soft neighbor could hold such poison in his mouth, or in this case fingertips. It solidified that the man had a soft spot for him. When his Yuan-ge wasn’t home he’d always find himself eventually laying on his bed. Binghe would just lay there absorbing the essence of his Yuan-ge. He definitely wasn’t being weird, or doing anything that would be shameful toward his neighbor. Never.  

Enough time passed for Luo to head home without raising suspicions. As he passed the little space between the buildings something caught his attention. Looking up he could see someone sitting on the fire escape smoking. The sun made it hard to see if it was anyone he recognized.  Whoever it was, was watching the pigeons across the way on the other building. How strange. Binghe’s face contorted. Well, he didn’t care if they were bird watching. The fact they smoked was all he needed to know. How disgusting. Anyone who smoked was overwhelmingly gross. 

The stairs were faster than the elevator, so he’d opt for them instead. He’d held off long enough. It was time to go to his favorite place in the world. 

He entered the apartment quietly. He’d knock once he knew if Yuan was inside this time. It didn’t seem like he was at first. Until it hit him. It was the smell of a cigarette. Although, it did smell better than his Uncle’s. But why? Why did it smell like that here in his neighbor’s apartment? Ah of course the person on the fire-escape. The bedroom window must’ve been left open. Oh Yuan-ge, that’s how you get robbed. He must’ve been in a hurry. Binghe made his way to the bedroom to close the window and keep the smell from mixing further with the normal scent of the apartment. He froze the moment he laid eyes on the window. Outside the window, there he was, his Yuan-ge. He'd been the one on the fire escape. He was the one smoking. 

No wonder it smelled better than anything his uncle smoked. Shen Yuan always had great taste in everything. He wouldn’t smoke something cheap. Binghe felt his face burn. He didn’t like smokers, but his neighbor made it look good. Yuan was still in his sleepwear. Just an oversized tank top and boxer briefs. The way he calmly sat watching the birds across the way slowly bringing the cigarette to his lips to take a slow drag. Binghe felt his ears and neck heat up as Yuan tilted his head back to let out a stream of smoke. How did he never know? Then again that explained the strange phantom fragrance he’d catch now and again. That’s right; his neighbor had mentioned something about needing to quit his bad habits. So this was one of those bad habits. His Yuan-ge could be quite sneaky when he wanted to be.

He needed to announce his presence so as not to scare Yuan, but he didn’t want to stop the scene in front of him. This was the first time seeing his neighbor like this. He looked even more mature and pretty like this. A strange desire pushed its way forward. He didn’t want Yuan to discover him watching and think he was weird, but he didn’t want his neighbor to hide that he smoked from him. This little idea he had, he’d try it. At worst he’d play it off as a joke. Just silly teasing from a kid, and cry about it in private later. 

“Gege.”

He said it softly to Yuan from the door. His neighbor was startled, but more embarrassed at being caught. He quickly put out his smoke, and crawled back through the window. It was cute how fast his demeanor had changed. He’d been so calm with a cold distant look to- well whatever he was now; A little frantic and embarrassed mess scrambling to be more presentable. Always giving a warm and friendly look at Binghe as he grabbed clothes to change into. 

  “S-sorry! I didn’t hear you come in the first time.” 

He closed the window and pushed Binghe back out of the room and into the living room. A warm hand reached up to pat him on the head. 

  “Why don’t you pull out some of your homework and get started on it. I’ll be back after a quick shower. I’m sure you don’t want the smell of cigarette smoke hovering around you while you work.”

He hasn't responded one way or another. Once more he’ll give it a try.

“It’s okay Gege, I don't’ mind.”

Yuan paused processing what he heard from Binghe’s mouth before laughing as he carried his clean clothes to the bathroom. Waving a hand as he went. 

“Aren’t you a little old for that? Besides that’s what your future lover should be calling you! Don’t be so silly”

Another stab to the chest. Tonight was going to be another private crying session. However, he didn’t tell him not to call him that. Not plainly. Maybe if he persisted, twisted it a little. He could convince Yuan to let him continue saying it. It’s just that seeing him smoke made him look older and more mature. It felt like he should call him that. Yeah he could work with that. He would have the image of his neighbor burned into his mind for the rest of his life. This poking and pushing and testing continued. He continued to take care of his Yuan-ge counting down the days to when he’d be an adult. Binghe was sure he could get his neighbor to let him move in. He practically grew up in that apartment. What difference would there be if he lived there officially?

That was till one day he let himself in while his Neighbor had a guest over. Not just any guest though. It was his older brother. The one Shen Yuan always held up on a high pedestal. He was a huge pivotal force in Yuan-ge's life. Shit! He knew he’d have to eventually meet the man. He’d have to put his best face forward and do his best to win some sort of acceptance. Now face to face with him. He knew why his neighbor talked and acted the way he did. Shen Jiu stood tall in the small apartment. Slender in frame but carried a powerful aura with him. He somehow made that room feel even smaller, and the atmosphere heavy with judgment. Shen Jiu was the complete opposite to Shen Yuan. The man stood like some sort of god. And he was judging Binghe right where he stood before he had the chance to say a word.

Well he had said one word. He really wished this had been one of the times he hadn’t. He had come in loudly teasing his Yuan-ge by calling him “Gege”. Yuan had given up on correcting him, but now too sat mortified glancing between them. Shen Jiu’s eyes were unworldly green and piercing. Narrowing his gaze at the teenager who let himself in uninvited. He was being assessed. A slight twitch of the upper lip. Fuck! He was clearly disapproving of Binghe, maybe even disgusted. Shen Jiu slowly turned to look at Shen Yuan; his eyes were the last to change target. 

    “Gege?”

  “It’s just a funny joke. Da-ge, this is Binghe, my neighbor! I told you about him before.”

Binghe quickly did his best to try and shift the flow of things by trying to tidy up and introduce himself properly.

“Sorry, I should have knocked first. My name is Luo Binghe. I’ve heard so much about you from…A-Yuan! It’s an honor to meet you.” 

The man barely tilted his head in the direction of Binghe again. He seemed to have judged him already, and didn’t think the boy was worth looking at. He didn’t want to address anything he said.

Yuan’s eyes flickered back and forth between them. His hands were fidgeting. He was the most anxious Binghe had ever seen the man. The two brothers traded looks, head tilts and nods. They were communicating in a way Binghe couldn’t understand, but could make some educated guesses. None of them were good. Finally the older brother became verbal again. 

    “How long?”

  “Oh, uh well, he’s in highschool now. About uhm maybe 8 years?”

Binghe had long learned that Shen Yuan had a terrible time keeping track of time in large amounts. 

    “Not how long you’ve been letting him leech off you? How long has he been…teasing you?” 

Disgust was latched on to every word. Yuan might have been oblivious to Luo binghe’s feelings towards him, but Shen Jiu saw it immediately. How did he though? How did this man see through him when no one else, not even his closest friends did. Would he reveal it? How would Shen yuan react? Would his Yuan-ge be disgusted and turn him away forever? Binghe felt disgusted with himself now. I guess when you really look at it. He was gross wasn’t he? This man gave him kindness, and he-

  “He has never leeched off me! Don’t talk about him like that!”

Everyone in the apartment was stunned by Yuan’s outburst. His neighbor cleared his throat. His voice lowered. 

“Please, Da-ge. He’s not like that. He’s a good kid. Taking care of him has also taught me to take care of myself better. You know my health has improved a lot. It’s because of him. So please…if you are going to speak like that, don’t do it here.”

His voice got more timid as he spoke and he shrank as his older brother recovered. Binghe was still shocked. He’d never in his wildest dreams imagined Yuan would talk back to his brother like that, but he did. He did it for Binghe. His chest felt like it was going to burst. Both of them felt deflated quickly enough.

    “I see. I think the child should remove himself, for his own sake.”

  “Ah, yes, Please Binghe. I’m sorry I’ll help with your homework later. Now isn’t a good time!”

“Don’t worry! I’ll be fine. See you later A-yuan.”

He left quickly. He stayed by the door for only a moment. Guts twisting as he waited to hear yelling. Yuan-ge didn’t deserve that. His bastard of an older brother should be spoiling him! He was stressing him out, that wasn’t good for his health. He was tempted to go back in when he heard shuffling. He pressed his ear to the door. 

  “N-now, Da-ge! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to yell! Please I’m too old for this sort of thing!”

Heavy steps. One moving way, the other pursuing with longer strides.

    “Too old for this sort of thing? Apparently not! You’d have me turn a blind eye while you let that little beast ruin you?”

Little beast!? He wasn’t an angel but wasn’t that too much. The nerve of this fucker. 

  “Don’t call him a little beast, and what do you mean ruin me!? I’m not going to become destitute!”

More steps. They seemed to be going in a pattern? Ah the couch, they are running around the couch he thinks. Is he going to hit him? Surely not. What if he does though? His older brother was tall, but he could still probably take him in a fight right? A loud thud and feet quickly moving deeper into the apartment.

    “I’m not talking about money! That little monster you raised is- Oh honestly.”

The steps and voices going deeper into the apartment kept him from being able to hear them more clearly. He held his breath till he felt light headed. He was just trying to hear. It wasn’t going to happen. After muffled words he did hear long strides returning to the door. Quickly his own feet moved him into his aunt and uncles and out of sight. He heard the same steps quickly move down the hallways and down the stairs. He himself shuffled back into Yuan’s apartment. How chaotic this afternoon turned out. Nothing seemed out of place other than the pillows on the couch had been kicked off? The bedroom door was closed. One step towards the door.

  “Da-ge!” 

An unfamiliar squeak from a familiar voice. It was from the window facing the street. Binghe stuck his head out the window to take a look. Sure enough it was Shen Yuan. His brother had a firm grasp on the back of his neck. He had tried to sneak out the fire escape. The late teen had mixed feelings about the whole thing. The sound and actions of his Yuan-ge were adorable, but Shen Jiu the bastard being the cause felt like a wet blanket in the dark. With a firm grasp on his neck his older brother shoved him into the fancy car he drove here in to finish the conversation. 

Binghe had a deep sinking feeling in his gut that nothing good would result from this. It was much later by the time Yuan returned to his apartment looking haggard. Binghe had tried to distract himself by doing homework. Of course he was in his neighbor’s apartment. For a moment neither said a word. Luo noticed a very sad look in the young man’s eyes. It must have been made clear to him. That his Xiao-Binghe wasn’t- was- that he had a crush on his yuan-ge. Quickly that sad demeanor melted as Yuan started to laugh a little too hard. Huh?

  “I’m sorry! Today I must have looked really silly. For a moment I really forgot how old I was, and how fast my brother could be!” 

He wiped a tear away. That same soft smile he always gave had returned in full. The relief Binghe felt couldn’t fully be put into words. 

  “I’m also sorry about what my brother said. He’s- He’s not one to mince his words, even if he’s wrong.”

“It’s okay. As long as I know Yuan-ge likes me, that’s all that matters!”

Binghe was still welcome within Mr. Shen’s space. He pat his head feeling terrible about the words his brother used to refer to the kid he watched grow up. His neighbor helped him finish his homework, ordered take out, and they watched a couple scary movies. Binghe finally understood the appeal to horror movies. He watched the way Yuan got worked up watching them. He squeaked when startled, got angry when the characters made stupid decisions. Absolutely enthralled. Regardless of the movie, it was his favorite. Him sitting side by side with Yuan on the couch. Soon he’d be an adult, he’d be able to share how he feels with Yuan. There was the fear of rejection, but he was sure Yuan wouldn’t push him away at the very least. Maybe, just maybe, he could manipulate him one last time. His tears had always been effective. A tearing confession might just be what it takes.

He wouldn’t get to know. His senior year had started, but his birthday was a few months away. It didn’t come soon enough. Right now he stands in the old apartment with all of the stuff in boxes. It’s all being moved out. Yuan is talking to him, but it’s muted. Binghe’s whole world was being packed up in boxes. It was being picked up and carried away. A hand on his arm brought him back to greet those lovely hazel eyes. 

  “Ah, I’m sorry Binghe, I hadn’t really planned to move yet. My brother needs me to fix up a new station. It’ll take me a little bit to do it, but when I’m settled in and stable I’ll come visit!”

Luo’s eyes shifted around the room. He wanted to stop him, but there was nothing within his power to stop this. He had already tried crying. That had gotten him a hug and the most sincere apologies from Yuan. 

“B-but Yuan-ge. What about my graduation? I wanted you to be there.”

Yuan hugged his head again. Which took a little effort due to Binghe growing taller than this neighbor. 

  “I’ll be there! I just need to know the date, and I’ll drop everything for it!”

After a few hours of cooing and consoling it was time for him to go. He handed his key over to Binghe, and let him know that he apartment was paid for the next two years, and he had put Binghe’s name on the lease for that time. How kind, but cruel. The thing he wanted, but not the way he wanted it. He sat in the middle of the empty apartment. Some of the furniture had been left behind for Binghe to use. Who knew his Yuan could be so mean to him after all. He’d been with Binghe for over 8 years, and was gone in one day. The love of his life in the blink of an eye. Gone. It wasn’t fair! Why was life doing this to him again? What had he done in a past life to have the ones he loved ripped away from him in a way he had no power to change. 

It’s been about 5 years now since he saw Yuan. The man lied. He didn’t stay in contact. He missed his graduation. Maybe he had actually been disgusted by him, and left him behind. Binghe wished he knew for certain. It left him unsure and untrusting of others. He had tried to have relationships with others. He ruined them all. At least he still had his buddies Mobei and Hualing. He did find himself a little jealous of them both. Primarily with Mobei. His buddy was around his age, but had a boyfriend around the same age his Yuan had been. He wasn’t sure how they met, but it sounded like his friend had bullied the older man for a while. Maybe he should have bullied his neighbor? Ah, their experiences were vastly different. 

He was leaning back on the hood of his car. He was taking a break from college. He had a late start, even though he could have already been done with college. He had been offered scholarships with his grades. It’s just that he had a bit of a self-destructive time after Yuan didn’t make it to his graduation. He had also recently gotten in contact with his cousin and father. Yeah, wasn’t that a kick in the teeth, his biological father was alive. He was trying to make up for 

“lost time” by making sure his son had the money to pursue whatever he wanted. What he wanted even with money he couldn’t find. All traces of Yuan disappeared after his time living in that apartment. Binghe was sure it was due to Shen Jiu. That asshole had given the opportunity his Yuan-ge had been waiting for just to get him away from Binghe. He would definitely go to great effort to hide him too. Like a dragon and his princess. 

It would be a couple of weeks till his 23rd birthday. He was angry and stressed out. He pulled out a can of beer and a pack of expensive cigarettes. The kind Yuan smoked. The man had accidentally left a pack back in the apartment. That’s how Binghe knew which kind to buy. He didn’t really smoke them. He’d light them and let them burn, like some kind of fucked up incense stick. He cracked a smile at thinking of them like that. Looking at his watch, he saw it was just about midnight. Right, Mobei’s boyfriend was also into occult shit. Pissed him off the more he thought about it. Shang something or other, had rambled about some midnight radio station. It had a recorded version online, but he wasn’t really into those. The idea of a midnight radio station though? It was kind of romantic, and he was feeling like being real sad tonight. So with the cigarette burning, taking a sip of his beer he crawled back lazily into his car to turn on the radio. It took a bit but he got the station to come in. 

Stunned, he sat there listening to the voice that came across the radio. A man introduced himself and the station. Letting everyone know what was planned for the evening. A focus on unsolved murders, encounters with the strange, and a bit of critique on a short story sent into the station. His heart fluttered, his ears burned. He felt his eyes get misty. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Oh man, Yuan-ge’s voice sounded really good on the radio. He’d have to thank Mobei and his old hamster ass boyfriend, but right now, at this moment he needed to pull his phone out. He had to make a song request.