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Nat had been arguing with her dad again. But this time it was worse. He had physically hit her before when he was drunk but this time he hadn't had a single drop of alcohol. It hurt when her mom didn't do anything but watched and sighed, it was useless.
"You think you are just so god damn independent? You wouldn't survive without me! Who in the pays the bills huh!? Yeah that's what I thought bitch!"
"You don't even pay the bills you're too busy fucking drinking!"
"What the fuck did you say to me?" He grabbed an empty bottle, smashing it onto the table- broken glass shards flying everywhere- "I'll make you regret you were even born you fucking-" he continued his line of swears but Nat was sick of this bullshit.
She grabbed her leather jacket and ignored him swinging the bottle at her as she walked away from him. More glass shards were flung everywhere, cutting both of them- his arms and her forehead but she still left even though it was pouring with rain outside. He was still shouting as she left the trailer and it was only a few blocks away when she finally heard the door slam shut. That loud bang echoing in her head for the next couple minutes.
What was she going to do? It was pouring outside and she was definitely soaked, her only protection through the rain was the leather jacket. And she could call her "goth" friends but their parents were home and they didn't seem like the type to care about some girl claiming to know their son looking for a place to stay. And her team mates? Some of them didn't even know about her father and the others... well this wasn't necessarily something she wanted everyone to know about.
There wasn't really anyone else. There was some that guy she hooked up with for a week but that would mean she would have to do something and she wasn't in the mood for that. She opted to walk around for a walk instead while trying to think of something.
It kept raining harder and harder. She needed to find shelter and fast. Eventually without realising she found herself walking to the school. Breaking into a school drenched and face slightly bloody? Yeah this was definitely not a fucked up idea. Especially not when having to break more glass with bare hands to enter and then walk slowly down the halls, knuckles and face bloody and drenched in rain,
It was weird at night. Completely empty like a hallow yellowjacket nest. It lacked something... perhaps it was because she had only been there when there was people. It was a strange sensation. The air there.. it still sagged the memories and echoes of the voices that could be found in the day. It was like they were always truly there but they couldn't be. It was like a fever dream.
Nat remembered there were showers and towels in the changing room. Her kit and a bottle of vodka was in her locker there. Just what she needed. She opened her locker and immediately grabbed the bottle, downing some of its contents. She grabbed some communal towels and went into the shower rooms, despite not having any soap or shampoo. The warm water was soothing and wasn't exactly ideal for cuts as it's not antiseptic but it still cleaned the blood away and made her feel better.
She changed into her sports kit. Leaving her wet clothes between towels in her locker, hoping they would dry. She sat on the bench, holding her knees close to her chest. She was cold. She only had her shorts and T-shirt in the kit, the jacket and jersey was at 'home'. She could have theoretically wrapped herself in a towel, but the communal towels were rough and would never be a blanket. So she just sat there, drinking small sips of vodka, hoping it would warm her. It did but only by a bit.
The rain seemed to slow down but didn't stop. She would just have to wait. She had 10 dollars in her locker and a few cents, a broken lighter and her wet clothes between towels to dry. The cold was beginning to be impossible to ignore, she could break into Misty's locker- Misty always had her jersey in there "just in case" she would always say in that really high pitched voice and no one would ever ask. She would have to punch the thin layer of metal, it wasn't impossible to do and wasn't particularly hard but it didn't change the fact her knuckles were already bloody. She was slightly drunk from the vodka and very focused on the fact she was cold. The metal peeled away from the edges, there was a gap so Nat reached in to grab it and pull it through. It worked but the thin metal was sharp at the angle Nat was leaning on it and it cut her skin slightly. The jersey didn't fit perfectly but it was better than nothing.
She could go to the library, there was some comfortable-ish seats, she could try and sleep. So she did. She had a shitty night sleep. And was awake quite early in the morning, before school started. She was hungry but knew that the canteen only got the food delivered later on in the day than 5 in the morning. She remembered the teachers lounge might have some food but they only had instant coffee. Well it was better than nothing but not exactly the best with lukewarm water but it was something. God, she thought, I feel like a fucking teacher.
she couldn't face everyone later today, it was a mess. She could hide in the janitor's closet she supposed until the day was over, or the sports closets that no one used anymore because they had got a shed to put all their equipment in so it was just the broken equipment's closet. That would work considering the changing rooms were close and apart from practice, no one would really go there so she had access to her vodka in the day.
She was bored throughout the day, but thankfully no one entered. But when it was her team's soccer practice people did seem to notice the difference between how they left it and how Nat left it.
"Hey who did this to my locker? It isn't funny." Nat should feel bad for what she did to Misty's locker but being every single other thing occupied her mind instead.
"Why does it matter you're not even properly on the team." The other voice is mumbled so she can't identify it but she could automatically picture Misty's face.
she could then hear Misty complain to coach Ben in the back, "Well with every other thing that's happened, it's clear there's been some sort of break in. Do you want me to call your parents?"
"they're away for the week actually."
"Then you can borrow a jersey."
"But-" Misty's voice fades out as a louder voice starts.
"Hey where's Nat?" Lottie questions.
"Dunno, she wasn't in first period."
"Probably screwing that guy," Jackie said laughing and Nat can't help but roll her eyes.
"Remember when she used to miss whole weeks of practice and when they used to meet in that old equipment storage?" Natalie froze, shit.
"I wonder if they're in there now." Jackie made smooching noises and others laughed. Then Nat could hear footsteps...shit.
The door swung open, laugher echoed and to their surprise it was just Nat, sat down against the wall at the back, empty bottle in hand.
"What's wrong? He could get it up?" More laughter.
"Fuck you." She got up and walked out with the group of people, well they were Infront and she was behind.
One of the less involved people on the soccer team who kept screwing up their game- if she kept it up who knows they might not be going to nations for better or for worse- saw the empty bottle and went to tell coach.
Taissa came up to Nat and was the first one who didn't want to talk about any made up hook-up the others thought.
"You look like shit, what happened?"
"Fuck off Tai."
"Is this about a boy?"
"Yeah right and as if you could relate to anything like that." Nat had meant since Tai had never really got a boyfriend or seemed the type to but her response had Tai eyeing Van from across the room.
Coach had come back, didn't enter the changing room but sent Misty to go and collect Nat. "Coach wants to speak to you... Is that my Jersey?"
Nat didn't think to say anything to that, she only got up and swiftly walked past Misty, shoulder bumping into the shorter ones. Misty was unsurprisingly quiet but Nat could feel the daggers Misty was shooting her.
She wasn't going home. She would eventually. He'd calm down by then. But if she were to go now, he'd be right. Or think he was and that was something she vowed never to do.
"Look, I'm not going to accuse you of breaking and entering because well the school board needed some time to.. Look it doesn't matter but I am going to ask you if last night was you." So fucking ask but the question never came. Just that statement in itself.
"No." No hesitation. "I was with someone actually." Evidence to back up the lie.
"Ok that wasn't a necessarily fact I needed to know but I am going to ask if that person hurt you."
"No I walked into a, a door."
"A door? Yeah okay if you don't want to talk to me at least talk to somebody. And detention for the drinking and for using a room with school property. And it's up to Misty if she wants you in detention for the locker." Yeah as if Nat is ever going to ask Misty about that.
"Can you believe school is off for a month?" school board meetings huh.
"The lord works in mysterious ways."
"It wasn't God Laura Lee, it was Nat."
"Yeah, yeah fuck off." Nat was starting to get seriously pissed off at everyone here even the ones like Tai and Gen and even Akilah who were only asking if she was okay.
"Practice is still on though."
"Better be, keep this up and we're going to motherfucking nations! Woo!"
"You don't have to keep saying that Jackie, I swear you're going to jinx us for next year." Shauna rolled her eyes but smiled none the less.
Detention. The teacher would always leave and the the carvings on the desks would deepen. It was just space to burn time and really think about stuff.
Like where was she going after?
What about the rain? Nat's hand? The pain? Food? Water? Shelter?
Shit.
And it's not exactly like there was anyone.
One guy in detention, who she vaguely knew, was having a house party. That was the big idea. Go and get drunk at someone's, whoever they were, house. There would be some food of some sort. It wasn't as bad as she thought. No one on the soccer team was there and her goth friends were there.
"Hey Nat." Kevyn had started. They were by the pool table, definitely not a house she had been in before, quite rich. It vaguely reminded her of Lottie and that thought alone made her smile.
"Hey didn't see you in school, have you heard about the break in? No idea what that loser wants but guess we got a month out of it huh?"
"Dude shut up," Kevyn said as he quieted his voice, "Nah the month is for the Mr Jenkins scandal. Probably needed something to blame it on and tell the kids."
"You think teachers broke in themselves? Plot twist! Damn that must've been some strategic thinking."
"What?" Hadn't Lottie said something like this? Predicted.
"Yeah can't believe that guy didn't get caught sooner. Here saved you a beer."
"Thanks, how'd you know I was coming?" Nat now had one of those cups filled with lukewarm beer.
"Figured you would. You know Andy Gasper? He's in my 5th period Spanish class?"
"The cyborg nerd?"
"Yeah, heard he's selling weed now. And he doesn't know he's got the good stuff so it's all really cheap."
"No way! Shit is this his house?"
"No clue but he's here so thought you'd come."
"How much is it?"
"Under 20 bucks haha."
"Shit this is good shit." Half an ounce. Wasn't top high quality stuff but wasn't low quality. Should someone tell Andy? No, no one would ever tell him but then again he would never really find out.
Fuzzy feelings, Lighting differs, feeling claustrophobic, fun, energetic, lost: high.
All fun and games until...
"Fuck! It's the cops! Cops!" High squeals and shrieks danced around the room and all throughout the walls.
Run.
Everyone ran one way from another, like rats running throughout the city, after that and no one was arrested. No one was caught in other words.
"Can I stay at yours?"
"Can't Nat, folks are home. You in some kind of trouble or something?"
"Supposed to be a storm tonight, when will we ever get any good weather? My cousin gets all the good weather and the drugs. Come on! And yeah, my folks are also home."
"Your cousin around?"
"Nah he's gone up states. Again."
They had to leave as the storm started. Back at square one. Come down from a high, feeling incredibly hungry but relaxed too and the fuzzy feelings were still there but the colour sounding them left.
Raining it down, hard.
Some guy had tossed her quarters along the pavement, she didn't look that bad. Maybe it was wearing the clothes the day she left, she had gone back to get them from her locker and perhaps that guy didn't like people who wore leather exclusively. Maybe he felt sorry for the cuts on the face, maybe he knew about the pain in her hand or maybe he could smell the weed and felt bad for her.
She did quarters and instead of sitting on the curb feeling sorry for herself in the pouring the rain, she could go somewhere. The only shelter in sight was an old phone box and she did have some quarters not to mention still some left over weed but she didn't feel like smoking it.
Who could she call?
She thought of the other teammates. They all had lives and were busy they probably wouldn't want her to be there with them. Lottie was the exception but she wasn't there tonight.
Nat knew about her shock therapy sessions and Lottie knew about Nat's family.
Fair game.
She put a quarter in, the sound of it rolling in the mechanism with a mechanical click at the end like it had a life, had a purpose not as if it were just some metal.
She put in the numbers before realising what she had put in. Before putting in the last number with awareness.
She was dialling Misty fucking Quigley.
"My parents are away for the week."
It took more than five minutes for her to answer.
Misty had been asleep it was the early morning.
She got up to the sound of her lips phone ringing, she was worried it was Becky or another bully again.
But when she picked up the phone she could hear heavy breathing and the sound of the rain.
"H-hello?"
"Misty..." She wanted it to be over with as if it wasn't her who had started the call.
"Natalie?" This was odd after all of their incident earlier. She could hear in the tone of Natalie's voice she was struggling to say something and wasn't home.
"Didn't you say something about your parents...Fuck!"
"Natalie? What is it? Are you okay?"
"No my hand. God it's fucking.. never mind. Isn't your parents away or some shit?"
"Yeah for the week, they normally don't leave me on my own but it was a really important work trip and-"
"Misty! For fucks sake I don't need to know that just can I... Can I stay the night?"
With me? No one ever wanted to. Misty was always alone.
This was her one chance and she needed it.
She was lonely, all the books, musicals, actives wouldn't numb that fact.
"Oh my gosh yes of course. Where are you? I can come and get you if you want."
"No it's okay just what's your address?"
"No! Really I don't mind. Where are you?"
Nat scoffed, she just wanted to go herself, make her feel less helpless.
And she didn't exactly know where she was.
She knew where the house party was and she could just walk back there and the next street over.
"12th Street."
"Okay!" That voice was cheery and light and happy like a golden retriever.
“So it’s just up here?” It wasn’t far and Misty had brought an umbrella for them to share, it was multi coloured and the handle was in the form of a duck. No one made a comment on that and Misty held it the whole time. She had other umbrellas but no one wanted to hang out with her or be this close, she just wanted that friend, that closeness.
“Yeah on the left,” Ratting of keys evaporated the noise made from the rain.
“Shit.” It was a real home. Not like Nat’s trailer. It had proper carpet and nice fabric blinds and stairs and… It had Misty. It was Misty’s home. Misty fucking Quigley. For a ‘creep’ and a ‘weirdo’ this was nice, cosy, warm really like something out of a story.
Misty had been watching Nat ever since the pair of them entered, studying her. She was interesting to say the least. Neither of them talked about the jersey yet and Misty wondered if she ever would get an apology but maybe, just maybe, hanging out with her, when no one else would, was that form of that. Maybe this is Nat’s way of saying, ‘you’re one of us.’ After all she came to Misty, she needed Misty. Misty beamed at that thought, finally someone needed her.
“Do you like it? It’s just my parents’ house and their design. I don’t think I will design my house like this.” She laughed and Nat frowned, she realised Misty talked a lot more one on one then at soccer practice. “Oh you’re shivering, come on,” She approached Nat. She was going to suggest to take off the wet clothes by her doing so herself but Nat frowned and moved back and looked her up and down.
Nat looked so vulnerable and Misty needed to help her. “Sorry but you should get out of those clothes, do you have spares or do you want to borrow some of mine considering the whole jersey thing?” She laughed but also brought it up as a guilt trip. Nat didn’t see it that way, she just kept frowning.
“Yeah sure.” Completely ignoring that last part of Misty’s sentence.
“Do you want pyjama’s? What type of clothes? I’ll go and get some.”
“Any.”
“’Kay stay here.” And she returned with a bright yellow jumper folded, neatly, over a plain-ish (There was a small flower near a pocket) white t shirt, undergarments (Nat can already hear that high pitch voice saying ‘just encase’ as soon as she lays eyes on them) longer than the knee azure shorts and fluffy socks. “I didn’t know what you liked. These are slightly big for me they should fit you, there’s a bathroom there to change.”
They did fit but they weren’t something Nat ever wanted another set of eyes to catch her wearing.
“Misty.”
“Yeah?”
“If you mention this to anyone else I’ll fucking kill you.”
Not what was expected but, “Okay. Are you hungry? I have left overs for the week and pizza money for Friday.. You can stay that long if you want..” More like what Misty wanted. “Oh? Do you like pizza? I think everyone does but it depends on which type. Pizza and other food in general is a really broad subject when you think about it..”
Starving both because of the drugs and genuine hunger. “Yeah sure.”
If she was going to survive she was not going to engage much in those long conversations Misty keeps trying to get her to involve herself with.
Misty went to collect the left overs from that night’s portion. She placed it on a spotted pattern plate and then went to heat it up.
“Oh did you want something to drink? I’ve got ginger beer. It’s not alcoholic though,” She laughed while Nat thought of the real beer she drank hours before.
So Nat for the first time properly in 2 days ate, it was a small portion of mac and cheese with croutons on the top as well as chives and a glass of ice with cold ginger beer. It was good for someone incredibly hungry.
“Do you like it? My mom cooks though sometimes my dad grills meat. Only when he’s really happy or got a good sale in at work.”
“Yeah it’s good, thanks.” She thinks of the weed in the plastic small bag in the leather jacket. The hunger.. the fuzzy feeling… the relaxation.. less of it if not nothing now.
“Can I see your hand, silly?”
“What?”
“Your hand. You’ve clearly hurt it and you’re face though that doesn’t seem that bad. You weren’t swearing about that on the phone.”
Nat doesn’t show her the hand, she doesn’t neatly line it out in Misty’s hands and she can see the disappointment. Did Misty want that contact? The closeness of nearly holding hands? Shit, did anyone care about her? She slowly laid out her hand then.
“That doesn’t look good, and your knuckles! It’s all swollen. Do you want to call someone? How- how did that happen? It’s different from the ‘scratches’ on your face and knuckles.”
“Your locker.” She said under her breath.
“5783.”
“What?”
“The code, for my locker, don’t do that again. Thanks for putting it back though before your detention.”
“You were watching?”
“Yeah, is your arm okay? I saw the blood. Are you okay?” Was she? “What happened? Wait I’ve got some painkillers, if it doesn’t help I know some plants that might-“
“I’m not fucking foraging for random plants over this Misty.”
“Then we can call someone? That’s okay then right?” Nat nodded but in response to her own nod she didn’t know. And was relieved when Misty handed her some pills, not plants.
“So are you okay?”
“It’s nothing. I was in a fight.” She tried to imply it was people from school but Misty could tell it was someone older, likely a parent, why else would she need somewhere to stay?
Later, Misty had an idea. She had seen everyone, friends, on tv have sleepovers. “So are we going to do an all nightery? It’s already late and we, we could put on a film!”
“Looks like you already decided.”
Nat had no idea what film they ended up watching. The pain lessened but was definitely still there. Nat never promised to stay up all night, what would be the point? She could barely ever keep her word, it didn’t matter because if she did promise she broke it. The couch was soft and cosy and it was warm and home like besides Misty being there.
“Natalie?.. Oh.” She really wanted to have those real friend experiences like on tv but she saw a side of Nat she never did in school, did anyone? She got up from the couch and put a through a blanket over her. She didn’t sleep or need too. She just stayed there on the floor looking at Nat as if she were a pile of gold.
When Nat woke Misty was gone and she could smell food, was Misty..? Yeah she was. She was making pancakes with the butter and syrup, with orange juice really like in the films. They weren’t anything out of the ordinary but no one had bothered to do this for Nat like Misty, they were good like that.
“What are we doing today?”’
“I’ll leave, sorry about the inconvenience.”
“No! What about your hand? I’m sorry if I can’t help, there must’ve been something I missed at the red cross babysitting event, I’ll go again. I’ll be better I’m sorry.”
“Calm down. It’s fine. I don’t expect you to do shit about it.”
“But Natalie..”
“It’s Nat.” Like a real friend! Misty thought, nick names! Maybe hers could be ‘isty’ or foggy because of the weather? Get it?, she would normally laugh out loud at her own joke because no one was there to laugh but Nat was now.
“Okay well can we go somewhere? I can pay! Don’t worry,” ‘Let me take care of you because no one loves me?’ Nat couldn’t help but think that’s how Misty was going to finish that conversation. “We’d have to take a bus, I know the next stop it’s at-“
“I can drive.”
“What? You don’t have a car.? Is that the really safest option?” For both of us, “For your hand?”
“It’s fine, did your parents leave their car? I saw a car in the driveway.”
“Yeah but I think we should re-consider,” Then it dawned on her, Nat didn’t want to run into anyone. As sad as it made her, that was understandable. Especially when Nat went to go change back into her old clothes, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
This plan was disastrous. Nat could barely drive but still. Misty was right to keep her concerns. They made it though, Nat had finally listened when Misty said to park a block over after mentioning it the whole journey. Nat didn’t put on any music. It was silent and she was focusing on the road. It was an odd sight but Misty didn’t comment on that.
“So it would seem you’ve broken one of your metacarpal bones. What we can do is place a small cast around it but first we need to ask how you got this?”
“I punched a locker.”
“My locker to be exact.” There was pride in her voice. Who the fuck would be proud of owning a locker?
“Are you under 18? Because we would proscribe a small dosage of oxycontin but if you’re under 18 then we would need a parent or”
“I’m 18, she’s 16. Ask Victor.”
“You know my son?”
“Yeah we’re in the same college lectors, mostly.” If you want to lie, you need to add details and she did know Victor. She could name the college and as soon as she did the doctor agreed with her of her fake age.
“Should I drive?”
“You don’t know how.”
“Yeah but you’re supposed to curl fingers at all times and elevate the arms and-“
“Fine but you need to listen to my instructions so we don’t fucking crash.”
And it was all fine and well, Misty (believe it or not) could be quiet and listen to instructions, until something did happen. A medium sized unidentifiable, Misty to Nat’s surprise wasn’t much of an animal fan as she portrayed herself as, rodent was ran over.
“Shit.”
“Should I stop the car? No one’s behind me?”
“Why?”
“So we know it’s okay? Don’t be cruel.” Strange accusation. They pulled over. Well Misty did and Nat didn’t see the point.
“It’s barely alive-“
“Don’t touch it, Jesus Misty.”
“It’s twitching. We could bring it back and taxidermy it, it’d be fun, it will probably be dead by now..”
“The fuck? No, just leave it.” And Misty did and again, surprisingly, didn’t speak for a while until she was driving again.
“You know, since that was your instructions-“ She said in a jokey tone.
“Are you seriously blaming me?” Natalie didn’t pick up on that tone and instead deadpans her with her own response.
“No! I was saying then you could be a hunter, you know with skills like roadkill and all.”
“As if I’m ever going to need that skill.” Yeah.
Misty hit some trash cans as well.
Nat ended up staying a second night. Misty insisted the full week. It wasn’t as bad as she initially thought. And when she went back home, no parents gave a shit about what she had been doing but they were together watching tv together and they hadn’t really done that before. They didn’t ask Nat to join but they did ask for a beer.
Even though it was all okay roughly in the end, there were still moments Nat and Misty shared that weren’t okay. Nat would be thankful in the future that Misty never brought Nat spending time at Misty’s house up to anyone because of these off moments rather than the whole ideal.
The drugs.. Misty had found them, well the left overs anyway. She was mad. She could understand Nat forgetting to get rid of them at first but the fact she still had them.
“Holy shit you have a pool?”
“Yeah.” They hadn’t spent time in her backyard and Nat saw it in the window. “I don’t have a spare swimming costume even though I’ve had other clothes since we’ve been sharing and I now know one dark teal shirt is more your style than any of my others. If you wanted to just wear the undergarments-“
“What are you 80? It’s just underwear and bras.”
“Yeah,” She was uncomfortable by the tone of her voice, “ Well if you wanted to just wear those I wouldn’t look or you can wear my swim suit but it barely fits me now and I’m a lot shorter than you.”
“We can both do that, you won’t look and I won’t look.” She shrugged, “It would be weird if one is wearing something different.”
Misty had no idea when the pool was last cleaned, no one said anything. She learnt that was how they communicated the silence. They both had that understanding yet Misty was uncomfortable with it and kept trying to fill in the silence by talking more and more. Misty brought towels and they left their, Misty’s-. Misty insisted Nat just wear her clothes so they could properly wash Nat’s, not the leather jacket but the rest of it-, clothes on the side. Misty kept close to Nat making sure the ‘cast’, though it was mainly just bandages and medical tape- she thinks she could’ve done a better job if she knew-, out of the water. Misty had been making sure she took the painkillers which helped a lot.
“Oh its cold, it’s been warmish out I guess I must’ve thought it would be heating up the water, I don’t know how but-“
“Thermal energy, science I guess or that’s what some fucking teachers who have nothing better to do say, it’s just the damn sun.” She didn’t swim but Misty did
“Nat!” Nat was pretty much sick of Misty’s fake, layered laugher and overall that tone. “You’re so funny!” She splashed water over.
“Stop you’re going to get the clothes wet,” but she did laugh and she didn’t do it back until Misty did multiple times. Was this a symbol for Nat’s friendship? Misty craved that.
They both laughed for the first time. Both. It was all so happy until it wasn’t.
“Nat, what’s that?” She pointed to the plastic bag pointing out of Nat’s borrowed clothes. “Is that weed?” She could barely say it, it came out in a whisper.
“umm?” She turned her head around to see what Misty was pointing at, though she knew.
“What the golly gosh?” Nat chuckled, Misty barely swore, it was a funny attempt at it. “It’s not funny!” She was mad and shouting.
“Shit, are you mad because I have it in your house or?”
“This could kill you,” That was a far stretch but she could see where Misty was getting at. “This could fucking kill you!” Finally. “And then what? You’d kill yourself? Have an overdose? You’re going to state soon and then nationals can’t do that if you’re dead.”
Nat tried to get out as Misty had done seconds before screaming at her but Misty gave a sharp push, daggers shooting into Misty’s palm- she had not touched someone before, not really- as she did so. Pushing Nat back into the cold, bandages wet.
“And do you only have it because you hate spending time with me? You hate the musicals we watched??” Nat just watched her make it, she wouldn’t say that’s teaching “You hate the music and you hate the… You can’t stand me? So it’s better if you’re high!”
“No- Misty.”
It was too late, she grabbed both towels and her clothes, not Nat’s pile and stormed off. “God misty you’re so stupid. Of course no one would want to really hang out with you. Don’t cry, don’t..” She was dressed by now and she could hear her phone ringing.
“Hello?” Anger thickened her words.
“Misty!” Becky… Would she ever leave her the fuck alone? “So like just wanted you to know that-“
“Shut the fuck up.” She hung up and unconsciously stroked her wet hair through her fingers. She felt energised, she felt calm. She stood up for herself. Finally.
And then she remembered Nat. She knew Nat wouldn’t leave without her original clothes and hadn’t heard the door open so she looked outside to see Nat, dressed in Misty’s longest cream shirt that hung past her knees and her feet stayed in the water, hair wet.
She felt bad. Collected medical tape from the first aid, bandages and some thin paper her parents had, she’s pretty sure they use it to smoke but she could swear the doctor put a thin layer of something on Nat and small black shiny scissors, to cut the old bandages.
Nat didn’t look up only did when Misty sat down behind her. “Yeah? The fuck was that about Misty?”
“Sorry, it’s just.. My cousin overdosed. I saw him not you and I was angry because he used to buy me books about ancient figures like Caligula, Tiberius and others. I was annoyed because he died.” Her voice was low.
“You don’t get to be mad at someone for that.”
“I know. I’m sorry. When I saw him, I felt not strong and I don’t like that.”
“Yeah same, why do you think it took so long to call?”
“But you should’ve.”
“Maybe.”
It was mainly Misty who initiated the silence this time. But with no words met, only the sound of their breathing Misty cut away at the wet bandages and then realised there was no papery material
and she was wrong. She gently, placed the clean and cry bandages on with her medical tape. And she was proud of her job while Nat didn’t seem to be appreciative and if she did she didn’t say anything.
“I could teach you how to do it you know.”
“What?”
“Weed, safely so you don’t have to be scared.”
“I’m not.” There it was again the ‘not- strong’ feeling and Nat knew. “How?”
“Smoke it, it seems you have the papers.” She watched Misty’s face fall. “Are you scared you’ll end up like your cousin? You won’t.”
“No, the smoke.. what about the cancer assembly we had?”
“One won’t kill you.”
“You? How many have you had?”
“Not enough. Do you have a lighter?” Misty got up and left but came back later with Matches instead.
“Here you roll it up like this.. into a joint. Seal the edges. All fucking nice and tidy and neat. Then light the end.” She held it up and Misty struck a few matches until one lit up and burned the end. Nat handed Misty the joint first.
She put it to her lips and breathed in, just like the films, but as she let go she coughed, a lot
.
“You aren’t inhaling properly. Breathe in and then again.” Misty did and she didn’t see the hype. It was strong and didn’t have a likeable taste. But she passed it over to Nat and they went back and forth. Darkness pulled itself idly into the sky as Nat reached for the box. No one said anything and Misty just watched her light a match first try and light the other papers on fire, a miny one. It would die itself out, nothing to worry about.
Natalie was looking away in the distance, Misty still sat beside her. She studied Nat and enjoyed how her face structure looked. Her jawline. How her torso looked like a wax drip figure she once made. Her legs. She looked naked almost even though she wasn’t just because of her feet weren’t in her boots. She had always seen her like that. It felt wrong now without..
Misty had never experienced ‘this’ before to someone real before.
It was magnificent.
Natalie was so beautiful, angelic like this. It was here that Misty would decide to always worship her. Either from afar, like in school, or in a turn of events which would cause a certain plane to crash next year.
So she leaned in and kissed her cheek. Her first.
“The fuck?”
“Sorry! I.. umm.. well.”
“Are you gay?”
Misty froze. Was she?
“Fuck I don’t mean it like that. I don’t care if you are I just.. Not for me. You deserve someone…less fucked up.”
“I don’t mind.”
“You should.”
"But you're not fucked up Nat."
"Then obviously you don't know me well."
"I like to think I know you quite well actually." Nat waited for the follow up sentence, but it was never said out loud.
You like to think of yourself like cooper or a rusted up piece of metal. But in reality, You're fucking Gold Nat. You have purpose. You are gold. And I'll show you that you are, Misty thought.
"Oh yeah?" Misty waited for some other sentence to follow up, but it never came.
Misty gulped. What was going to come of this?
Natalie sighed. She was clearly Misty’s first kiss. If that would even count as a kiss. She knew this by the inexperienced motion. She could.. teach her. Like with the smoking. It wasn’t true love. Natalie was fired by guilt. Misty had done so much for her and-
“If you tell anyone-“
“I won’t! You’ll kill me remember.” She laughed as Natalie turned her head around.
“You don’t fucking kiss someone like that.”
“And how do you?” She inched closer. She craved to worship Natalie. And she would.
“Like this.” She leaned in and kissed Misty.
Embers sprinkled the air as it turned to ash and the fireflies danced in the empty sky. Somewhere a wolf was howling into the wind but neither of them said anything.
Nat never wanted to leave, in case other saw, Misty was aware. So what they did was limited. But when they returned inside and Misty was in the shower, she always went first no matter who the company was, the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Shit, you’re not Misty?”
“Becky? The fuck do you want?” She realised Becky then could tell everyone about them spending time together and was pissed.
“Um rude! I wanted to talk to that weird, did she change the number haha?” Misty came back all cheery but then saw Nat and froze, she tried to talk her into hanging up but Nat didn’t. “Is that Misty? So are you two like fa-“
“Don’t fucking finish that sentence. No.”
“Good! You’re too pretty to be a victim.”
“The fuck did you say?”
“No, Nat. It’s okay just hang up. Nat! Listen to me, Nat. Fucking hang up. It’s okay-“
“If you ever call her again. I’ll tell your mom about your dad-“
“What?” And the laughter in the back stopped.
“Yeah do you think your mom would appreciate how your dad goes down to the bar down town and practically fucks every one there as if their his whores? Didn’t you know? I’ve seen him with blonde girls, years younger and not your mom.”
They hung up and Misty wrapped her arms around Nat.
“Thank you!” The force of the hug threw Nat back, they ended up both on the floor, Misty at last pulled away. “Umm sorry.” She offered, she knew Nat wasn’t much of a hugger. Nat glared and Misty frowned: She had caused this. This uncomfortable silence and not the silence that had been consuming most of the week.
Nat slept in Misty’s bed the second night. The room was nice, yellow and childish but nice. There was a fan, perfect for sleeping, so not to overheat. It had been awkward at first, most of their interactions were still awkward but they could have a conversation now- by the fourth day- without it only being one sided.
No one said anything when it got to night. Nat just did slide in one side, Misty could try and make conversation but Nat wouldn’t put up with it. They’d just sleep. Nat would always first. It gave Misty power. To see someone as strong as Nat vulnerable. She would sleep but after a while. She knew as soon as this was over she knew Nat would just leave and it would be that.
An idea hit Misty that night, she didn’t know she was capable of doing this, these ideas. But why not? It was just taking care of Nat essential. Misty wasn’t like Laura Lee or Shauna (when she tried to be catholic) she never really had a strong faith. This was different. It wasn’t really to protect her soul but it would be the cover up if Nat woke.
Or she could crush up sleeping pills in orange juice, wake Nat to give it to her.
“What’s this?” She eyed it suspiciously.
“Oxy, I didn’t give you enough of the dose earlier on.” And like that Nat drank it and then went back to sleep. Misty was free to do as she pleased.
Misty had the lockets. They were tiny clear cylinders with metal top connecting to the chain and a metal end to complete the look. They were filled with oil, colouring and an effervescent tablet. One was red and the other was blue. They had a top that Misty could open and she did, emptying them of their filling and then cleaning them out.
She grabbed the knife. She had seen it done on tv, a blood oath but that seemed so ancient. So Misty had the lockets. Grabbed them. It was her best idea she thought. She could wear Nat’s blood and then Nat would… she knew Nat would never appreciate this. But she wanted that friendship bond she saw on tv and they always did this. She’d just have to keep both of them.
She grabbed the blade on her own arm, she was careful, she saw multiple tutorials, she did not hit an artery. And it was enough and it bandaged and the bleeding stopped.
Then was Nat. Who was still asleep upstairs even though it was early morning. So Misty slowly tiptoed up the stairs again and back into her room with the locket and the blade. She would use Nat’s other arm. She looked so peaceful as she slept. She used the blade, carefully slitting some skin- it wasn’t enough pressure for it to be dangerous, just a mild scratch but Nat woke, the sleeping pills weren’t enough.
“Misty! What the actual fuck?”
“Careful, I could hit an artery.”
And with that Nat pushed Misty off of her and looked down, it wasn’t that bad. But still she shouted swears and grabbed her actual clothes, laid neatly near the telescope, threw off the kitten pyjamas she had on- pathetic- while Misty tried to get her to slow down and stop, changed and was getting ready to leave.
Misty came running down the stairs.
“You can’t leave!”
“Becky was right. You are a fucking freak don’t fucking touch me!” Nat rubbed salt in Misty’s recently healed wound because of Nat as Misty keep trying to grab her and she did, she pushed her, tried to and her hold was on the leather jacket not flesh, up against the door frame.
“Fuck you Misty!”
“Well you weren’t supposed to wake up!”
“You fucking drugged me? What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You?”
“You can’t leave. I- You’re not allowed to, god you said- You’re not-“ ignoring Nat’s question all together for better or for worse.
“Fucking finish it then? I never did anything.” With a good hard shove Nat was free and she ran out while Misty tried to run after her but she wasn’t a soccer player and soon gave up.
Maybe it was for the best.
Who drugs and attempts that shit?
Misty fucking Quigley that’s who.
Maybe it was for the best.
Who after everything they did can’t sympathise with difficult situations after staying and that was a basic form of friendship: staying?
Natalie Scatorccio that’s who.
Breaking into Misty’s house wasn’t hard. It was the same house as it was 25 years ago. She never left. It wasn’t her parents’ house anymore. And she didn’t have to break any glass, she knew a way around the back. She didn’t realise there was a basement but she didn’t care.
It was dark so no one would see her with her rifle. And no one did.
She waited for Misty’s return. She nearly wanted to shoot her bird dead as a form to show how serious this was. But the bird was in the cage so instead she just locked it in. She waited. And waited. At last! But she was with someone. She didn’t pay mind to wait they said, fingers tapping on her rifle.
“So is it just, uh, the one bird or..”
“Stan! You’re so funny!” That layered fake laugh hadn’t changed. “Now Caligula is a little protective of me, but it’s all for show. He’s a total sweetheart really. But do shield your eyes if he comes at your face.”
“Hello Misty, you crazy fucking bitch.”