Chapter Text
megamind sat (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄).. impeccabwy powished boots swinging of t-the edge of the buiwding on which he sat, a single teaw fell fwom his eye and the memowy of buwning waviowi began to bubble to the suwface.
“he… he was wight,
there is no q-queen of engwand”
cowd tendwiws of feaw and sadness cuwwed within him as mawte ten-inches (the disembodied hand m-mannequin) comfowted him.
the night was dawk a-and cowd. not a wowd was uttewed after m-megamind spoke, but a mewody came to wife-.-
fwom the midst o-of megamind’s own despaiw appeawed a figure with a s-somewhat bwocky p-physique. gween, oiwy haiw towewed o-on his h-head,,, wesembwing a distowted chwistmas twee, and his face neawwy seemed to wadiate wight due to his pale compwexion. however, when megamind’s owbs o-of sight came acwoss the figuwe’s mouth- he gasped w-with a-awe (o^▽^o)
stwetched acwoss his cheeks was the b-bwoodied s-smile of the wego joker.
the handcuffs he wore gwinted i-in the embers of sunset, the metaw cwinking invitingwy seeming to w-wawm up the coow evening aiw a-as he joined megamind on the wooftop to m-mouwn the fuwfiwwing of the gingew’s pwophecy (* ^ ω ^) megamind’s mega mind fwickewed t-thwough his w-wecowwections of the gingew’s agonizing w-wowds, that once were thought of to be outwageous and inconceivabwe.” there is n-no queen of engwand...” how h-he wonged t-to w-wetuwn to the innocent obwivion where t-the queen of engwand, did in fact exist ☆⌒ヽ(*"､^*)chu how he wonged t-this.
joker couwd s-sense h-his gwoomed state of mind- and b-began to twy to sympathise with megamind,,, offewing pieces of wightwy chawwed g-gawwic bwead as he spoke wowds o-of wisdom fwom his h-hole o-of s-speaking *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ the smell of woasted gawwic wafted t-thwough t-the a-atmosphere, suppwying congeniaw comfowt to all the beings there (≧◡≦) (incwuding t-the abscised hand who hewd no c-capabiwity of pwocessing s-scent.) w-wittle did joker know... another bwue b-being was heeding his wowds.
suddenwy someone matewiawised behind the two f-figures sitting mystewious and windswept atop the b-buwning woof, it w-was… pwofessow shawk fwom hit movie f-finding jesus, he twied to o-offer some comfowting wowds in this time o-of gweat sadness,
“wook, c-chiwdwen w-when i-in doubt think to ezekiew 23:19-20 net and get on youw knees to accept the wowd i-into youw h-heawt.”
megamind’s once saddened f-face quickwy twansfiguwed into a gwimaced face embodying pure, e-emo wage, f-fowgetting of all his issues a-about the queen of engwand ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ ) his gwoved hands s-swipped into his pockets, weveawing a knife ☆*:・ﾟ
a sadistic fuwy enguwfed him in waves as his awms guided the knife t-thwough the aiw and into p-pwofessow shawk’s face. bwood s-spuwted fwom the cwevices in his hand... t-the wed substance pouwing fwom the shawk’s face, fit to stain his undewwater home (and all other c-connected watewways in the wowwd) the bwood twickwed i-into t-the shawk’s s-shwivewwed eye sockets and soon.., a thiwd bwue figure entewed the fway, another sadistic fuwwy, it was… sonic (the h-hedgehog), h-he wan stwaight thwough pwofessow shawk’s w-wifewess body at wightning speed (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄).. spwitting i-it in hawf cweanwyO.o waying h-his f-fwesh and bone and sinew bare f-fow the wowwd and his fawse god to s-see in all its gwowy.
a white powder dusted the nucweaw bwue fuw w-wike quills covewing sonic's top w-wip〜☆ as he announced to the g-gathewed beings “why are you s-sad about owd wizzie’s death anyway i k-knew her.., and she w-was just another in a wong wine of usewess figuweheads that onwy wastes wesouwces and steaws poopoo”
megamind’s eyes widened in s-shock.., pwofessow shawk’s bwood poowed a-awound h-his boots coating theiw spikes in fwesh wawm cawmine, fwecks of bone fwagment fwoated in the aiw settwing on the tight shining weathew of h-his outfit.
the wego joker stepped fowwawd mmm.. teaws wewwing in his eyes.., deep within him a waw was being waged (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄).. while at once he wanted to comfowt his bawd, moist fwiend h-he awso f-fewt a deep buwning hatwed fow the society in which he w-wived... t-the queen of engwand being as s-she was a f-figuwehead o-of a society, he fewt sonic's w-wowds wesonate deep w-within him, just wike the buewer mg99 compact d-deep tissue massage g-gun.
the jokew’s sociawistic powiticaw views wesonated with t-the gwoup- as the queen of engwand twuwy w-was just what sonic h-had d-descwibed. twuth had uwtimatewy wadiated thwough t-the bwanket o-of deception, and into theiw m-minds uguu.., quickwy... the queen of engwand had meant nothing to them, and they moved on to other v-vewy coow a-and dope thoughts ☆⌒ヽ(*"､^*)chu
“hey sonic, i have something to t-tell you.” m-megamind whispewed thwough the pewtuwbation pwesent in his mega mind. he had just fouw wowds to say to him, just fouw wowds that wouwd u-uwtimatewy u-unwavew a spwendid w-wife o-of e-endeawment and devotion to o-one a-another uguu..,
“yeah?” sonic wepwied... bwood twickwing fwom his n-nostwiw due to his addiction to cocaine *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ megamind took a deep exhale, and muttewed uguu..,
“i.. *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ i...” before he knew it-.- sonic s-saw the gwuesome scene of megamind’s head being decapitated b-by a stwiking way of w-wed wight coming fwom above theiw heads. t-the bwue awien’s head f-fell to the fwoow with an unnewving thump ☆*:・ﾟ fowwowed by the oozing of b-bwood f-fwom his neck-.- the pewcowating wed substance soon stained the woof with a wawge puddle, w-when a 1,830m tall figure d-descended thwough t-the wafting puffs of cwouds a-and stepped into the poow o-of bwood-.- his beawd wesembwed that of a piece of steew woow mawinated in a cewtain white s-substance... m-mayonnaise. on his nose wested a p-paiw o-of spectaclesO.o that fow some goofy weason jk wowwing p-pewsists to descwibe as “hawf-mooned” xD yes-.- i-it was.. ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ ) dumble daddy ☆*:・ﾟ
“why hewwo there sonic, you’re wooking m-mowe... vowuptuous than usuaw.” d-dumble daddy said, smiwking seductivewy. s-sonic’s e-eyes justwed with teaws as he e-excwaimed ☆*:・ﾟ
“daddy d-dore! what did you do to m-megamind?!?!” dumble daddy was not happy with the obvious concewn in sonic’s voice. he w-whispewed, eyes gwinting w-with a-awwuwe,
“you’re mine now.” duwing this confwontation.. a w-whimper e-escaped fwom megamind’s wips (that consisted of onwy a wine)-.-
“i... wove...” evewyone tuwned t-to face the decapitated, humungous h-head wying in a puddle of its own bwood- but especiawwy dumble daddy-.- with his eyes gwawing w-with viweness and intense wesentment *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ megamind wet out his w-wast wowds.
“youw m-mum... w + bozo.” and with that, h-his w-wast wowds twansfiguwed into a d-dying moan,,, a-and t-the gwoup was weft with the wifewess body of megamind.
“oops,” dumble daddy said casuawwy *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ “guess t-that wasn’t necessawy.”
dumple daddies speech was intewwupted by a gwowing shaft of wight that spiwwed fwom the wooftop ewevatow b-behind the g-gwoup uguu.., c-cwisp cwean a-aiw-conditioned fog s-spiwwed fwom t-the gaping opening as a figure cwad in an i-impeccabwy k-kept beige suit s-stepped out (*^.^*).., his bwown haiw awmost as wawge a-as megamind’s buwging h-head, i-it was…
bawnyawd.
“you kiwwed my h-husband,” his monotone voice s-somehow conveying a fountain of e-emotions as he wushed towawds megamind’s wifewess body.. g-gentwy stwoking his back as if t-to comfowt him (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄).. but this f-fic has t-the tag huwt/no comfowt, s-so it had to happen at s-some point, sowwy :3
suddenwy *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ the wumbwing of a caw engine c-couwd b-be heawd (* ^ ω ^) mawte ten inches cwawed its way up the wego jokew’s back and pwopped itsewf onto his unusuawwy pointy shouwdew (o^▽^o) the jokew’s footsteps wed them both to the side of the buiwding *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ all to see the caw t-they had heawd pwopewwing itsewf up the wall towawds the woof- just wike spidewman (the caw w-was m-manufactuwed fwom adwew gawfiewd's d-dismembewed b-body) xD woawing *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ t-the caw fwipped itsewf u-up onto the woof, “wightwy” smacking the joker off the woof to f-fall at a d-dangewous height (which did not kill him ☆*:・ﾟ because he is a piece of pwastic 😊) the wego p-piece a-and wooden hand pwummeted downwawds, simiwawwy wike the attendance of students on spowts cawnivaws.., and wouwd immediatewy b-be obfuscated fwom sonic uguu.., dumple daddy and bawnyawd's hippocampus's, awong with other wewated stwucture in t-the tempowaw wobe i-incwuding the amygdawa, which contwow theiw n-neuwowogicaw p-pathways w-wesponsible fow memowy. (neuwoscience is f-fun)
the opening of the caw doow s-shawpwy emanated a pop ☆*:・ﾟ a-and the cwew c-couwd sense a-an assowtment of 2 ambiances f-fwooding out of the caw. the one that p-pewtuwbed them most of all ☆*:・ﾟ however (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄).. was the hawwowing eewiness of a cewtain cweature that w-wittle had met; before a-anyone couwd even t-tuwn theiw heads t-to peek at the being, i-its cynicaw-.- gwobes-fow-eyes piewced t-thwough theiw souws and weveawed its intentions of tuwpitude. its c-cowwupted quintessence- that of which is onwy able to be descwibed as pure sadism- was encapsuwated in a fwamewowk of damson fuw waying upon the pwastic base consisting of compwex machination designed fow wowwd conquer. this sinfuw being was mmm.. the fuwby ovewseer of bwankets-.-
this intewpwetation couwd awso be equivawent to a bwanket-bendew fuwby〜☆ the pawty of 3 (fwom the og g-gwoup who n-not fell woof ) g-gaped in awe- an a-awe o-of both diffident a-admiwation and sowewy t-the appwehensive dwead they sensed wadiating fwom the fuwby of bwankets in pewenniaw waves, a-as if it w-was the ocean... i-in contwow o-of each a-aspect of its enviwonment- and they were simpwy a few pebbles in the sand, withstanding the cwashing uguu.., pewsistent waves.
howeverO.o while the t-thwee individuaws gawked at the depwavity of an amewican e-ewectwonic wobot toy that was owiginawwy weweased in 1998 by tiger e-ewectwonics ☆*:・ﾟ the souwce of the second ambiance stepped out of the caw〜☆ with his weathew shoes c-cwicking the gwound as he did so ☆*:・ﾟ his physique was enguwfed by a dishevewwed uguu.., beige twench coatO.o with the s-sweeves weveawing wayews of w-white bandages tightwy envewoped a-awound his awms (o^▽^o) dazai osamu’s widened smiwk was exposed t-thwough his wavy〜☆ bwunette haiw as he cwosed the c-caw d-doow, simuwtaneouswy swamming the f-fuwby’s eaw shut (accidentwy).
“woah,” sonic whispewed, wovestwuck *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ dumple daddy shot him a h-homicidaw gwawe in envy. yet *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ sonic was met with an exaspewated sigh o-of d-disintewest.
“sowwy, i’m onwy i-into showt〜☆ ginger men with anger issues.” dazai mumbwed. the gwoup became aware of a cewtain hopewessness i-in his voice ☆⌒ヽ(*"､^*)chu in fact- dumple daddy’s s-sewf-sacwificing nature dwove him to aid dazai’s wove wife.
the w-wizawd cautiouswy e-ewevated his wand, and w-with a pwecise fwick, a distwessing puff of g-gingivitis f-fuwminated in fwont o-of dazai ☆⌒ヽ(*"､^*)chu an ewusive figure o-ovewshadowed him thwough the owange smoke-.- yet s-soon its t-twue siwhouette c-came into v-view. a 4’7, wat-wike, s-scwawny man with a compwexion that is often a weminder of dweam’s face w-weveaw swinked thwough the smouwdew emitted by d-dumple daddy’s spell.
“wumpewstiwtskin, fwom the hit movie, s-shwek e-ever aftew?!?!?!?” dazai e-excwaimed, eyes bwightening w-with the possibiwities of a-an adowating wewationship uguu..,
it was then t-that dumbwedowe fewt a t-tingwing sensation awound his thwoat as a soft tentacle wike substance began t-to swink its way o-onto h-his neck *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ s-swowwy t-tightening it’s howd untiw he couwd no w-wongew bweathe *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ his wungs buwned in synchwony with h-his p-passion.
“you can’t kill me this w-way” dumple daddy wasped.
“i have wong pwayed the submissive w-wole and so i am accustomed to stwanguwation.”
his fwaiw bony fingers weached up and dewicatewy puwwed aside the b-bwanket w-weveawing the studded weathew cowwaw beneath,
“i know, that’s why im doing this” a b-booming yet stwangewy high-pitched v-voice wang out in the e-eawwy night as the b-bwanket awound dumbwedowe’s neck s-suddenwy yanked b-backwawds snapping his bwittle neck (due to his 1,830m height) it was… the bwanket-bendew fuwby. (dun dun)
the c-cwacking of dumbwedowe’s n-neck w-wesonated thwough the cowd night a-aiw uguu.., t-the s-stwength of t-the bwanket was so that the shawp b-bone piewced thwough his skin s-spwitting t-the weathew of the cowwaw cweanwy in hawf ☆⌒ヽ(*"､^*)chu
“you cannot kill me in a way that m-mattews” the fuwby scweeched-.- echoing the f-famous tumbww post about the f-fungi that g-gwew a-and twisted w-within its ewectwonic body.
the west of the gwoup gathewed on the woof stawed i-in awe at the bwoken and bwoodied body of dumbwedowe that hung suspended in the makeshift hawness of b-bwankets on dispway fow the wowwd to see xD