Chapter Text
“Next on the list, Nakahara Chuuya?”
Dazai eyed his list of names await ending for their trial. Nakahara Chuuya’s name was written clearly on the column.
A redhead dressed in prison clothes, his hat still on as he refused to take it off, was entering the courtroom with a police guard next to him. The moment the criminal saw the judge, his eyes went through the five stages of grief before freezing into a surprised expression. The emotion of the judge was mutual— except the expression settling on an annoying mischievous smirk.
“You…” Chuuya gritted his teeth, “…so that’s where you’ve been going, bastard!”
That goddamn traitor.
The police guard smacked Chuuya on the back of the head,
“Don’t talk to the judge like that!” He snarled. Chuuya growled in response and turned to Dazai.
“You? A judge?”
Dazai covered his shock.
“It should have been obvious, Chuuya. And, you should be calling me ‘your honour’.”
“Shut your trap, you mackerel. That would be in another life.” Said Chuuya, rolling his Rs.
“That would have earned you the crime of disrespecting me. Anyways, you would definitely reincarnate into something that suits your size— Nakahara Chuuya, your crime would be…”
Dazai looked at the opposition lawyer. The lawyer fixed his glasses.
“Your honour, Nakahara Chuuya has committed the crime of the theft and misuse of ability. He robbed a bank by using his ability ‘For the Tainted Sorrow’.”
The lawyer handed juries a copy of a folder, and one was immediately passed to Dazai. Dazai flipped through the pages.
“And… how was he caught?”
Dazai finally said as he went through the paperwork.
The lawyer seemed to be caught off guard by the question.
“Ahem… he was caught by an organisation that agreed to work with the police force to capture him.”
“So in other words, you expected Chuuya to commit the crime. You expected him to be there? Did you…” Dazai stared into the lawyer, one of his common tactics to make people nervous, “…set him up?”
The lawyer took a few steps back.
“What do you mean, your honour?”
Chuuya gritted his teeth at the lawyer.
“What he means, you snail, is that you are accusing me of some crime or shit.”
“Now, now, Chuuya. It’s not your place to speak right now. But I do want to know, any casualties? Did you kill anyone?” Dazai told Chuuya in a sassy way.
“Pft. I only injured a woman.”
“By..?”
“I may have used a few condensed spheres of gravity to her…”
“And did she die?” Prompted Dazai.
“No. She survived it without a scratch and went full combat mode on me…” replied Chuuya, clearly irritated with losing. At least in his eyes.
“Hm?” Dazai raised an eyebrow. He pulled out a piece of paper from a stack.
“Chuuya. The person you fought was Yosano Akiko. She was Mori’s ex-apprentice.” Dazai laughed as he read the profile of the woman.
“Damn. That sucks.” Chuuya poked his tongue out.
“Wait. Your honour, why are you talking to this criminal like this?” The lawyer was clearly confused about Dazai’s abnormal behaviour.
Dazai laughed, completely dropping his judge side.
“Like what? Boyfriends? Platonic boyfriends?” Dazai asked sarcastically. The juries shook their heads, some were still reading the folder, while some were eyeing Dazai with disapproval.
“You know what, never mind, your honour.” The lawyer bowed and resumed to his seat. The proposition lawyer stood up in sync.
“The Port Mafia really picked a top-notch lawyer for Chuuya.” Thought Dazai, recognising the lawyer. She was a successful attorney at the mere age of 19, and she now fights cases for big companies, brands etc. The Port Mafia really didn’t want to lose Chuuya if they hired such a promising lawyer.
Not only that, but the lawyer lady had such a cute face. Even during a courtroom hearing she would have a smile on her face that sends Dazai the urge to commit double suicide with her. She had a fit body too, acing all of Dazai’s beauty standards. The portions were all immaculate, her waist was small and her thighs—
Stop, Dazai. We have serious stuff to do. Flirting with a cute girl could wait for later. Besides, we already have a choice here. Dazai stared at Chuuya, his very own dog.
“Your honour, I would like to oppose the claimant. First of all, Nakahara Chuuya did not commit the crimes of theft and misuse of ability. We do not have solid evidence. The opposition should have used the word “accused” instead of “have”. Although, I do agree with the statement with the criminal being gifted.”
“And, defendant, do you have anything to justify the crimes of Nakahara Chuuya?” Dazai raised his tone of voice to impress the lawyer while Chuuya glared. Ugh, that bastard.
The lady lawyer seemed to be unaware of Dazai’s intentions,
“Yes. I have Nakahara Chuuya’s credit card number and history printed out.” The lawyer passed the sheet to Dazai and some other copies to the juries. “It says here: 19th of June at 2:58 pm, Nakahara Chuuya has bought a Beach Fun Barbie Doll, a pack of thirty multicoloured balloons, a DIY Gemstone Puppies necklace pack, and a Little Girl’s Makeup Kit in Yokohama Mall. It was at 3:02 when the bank was alerted of robbery, and the mall was half an hour away from the bank. It would be impossible for the suspect to rob the bank.” The pretty lawyer read out the history of Chuuya’s credit card history.
Dazai, on the other hand, was trying not to laugh about Chuuya’s girly haul. Elise must have stolen his credit card again. He then began to read Chuuya’s card number.
“Hey! Stop reading my card number, you stupid—”
“That’s ‘your honour’ for you, Nakahara Chuuya.” Dazai said in a smug tone.
Chuuya rolled his eyes. “Stop treating me like a dog—”
“Half time! Everyone’s dismissed!” Dazai yelled sillily as he juggled his hammer around.
“You—”
“Dis-missed~!” Dazai hopped out of the courtroom. “The results for this case will be announced later! Juries, meet me in the hall, I have a few words for you!”