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–There was a day when Travis Phelps never came back. Never did I see him walking on the street. Never did I see him sneer at my brother. Never did I see him walk down the hall preaching some bullshit. Never did I see him at the end. We ended the cult, years upon years ago. But never did I see him. Not at a single meeting that we watched. And never did his dad acknowledge it.
I honestly assumed he was dead. Killed by his dad. I didn't know the full story, I just knew he was the successor. The one supposed to take back the cult…but never did I see him do that either. –
I was in my room. I currently live with Todd, Neil, and Sal, it was honestly great. It had been 2 years since the cults' defeat and life was going great. Fuck Neil and Todd were gonna get married. Well, married as they could be. Sal was with Ashley and she was gonna move in after college. Life was great, Though…I did feel a bit like a 5th wheel, or fuck even 7th when we hung out with Maple and Chug. It was kinda lonely, and mom constantly asked when I was gonna get a partner. But I just hadn't found anyone yet, the most I got was a few dates with random people I met at the music store where i worked.
But that's besides the point, I was painting, it was a monochromatic red painting. It was of a man praying and being slowly consumed by people around him. Look I'm not religious but there have been a few times where a plea to whatever God might be out there. Usually when I completed my depression, but before I could even place another stroke on to the paper my door was kicked open dramatically.
"Yo dude-" Sal walked into my room excited as hell. His prosthetic was currently off, it normally was around the house, and he was smiling
"There's like, a mini music fest at the Owl! Like tonight, it's not all metal but there are some bands there! It's mainly smaller artists and local musicians! Though I heard there's a few bands coming from out of state! I don't have shit to do tonight, wanna go?" He said walking over and sitting on my desk. The owl was a bar just on the north side of town. Why not fuck it.
"Oh fuck yeah. I need to get out of the house-" I laughed and put down my paint brush. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail that it had been put up in to paint.
"It starts at five so I'd go ahead and get ready- you don't have to work tonight right?'
"Nah I have the night off so let's get drunk and have some fun" he snickered and patted Sal on the back. Then checked the clock on his desk. 4:30. Perfect time to take a shower. I forgot to last night
"you should get ready too"
"Alright fucking hell mom-" he laughed and walked out of the room in to his own. I watched him walk out then grabbed some clothes from my wardrobe. I grabbed a Sanity Falls shirt then put it back deciding I wanted to go full on punk for the night. I grab a black and red 'Scream' shirt and one of my leather jackets along with some red plaid pants. And my creepers of course. I don't often do shit like this because I don't normally care about my appearance too much…but something in my gut just told me to. So I did.
Walking to the communal bathroom and once I closed the door, I slipped off the baggy sweatpants and plain black shirt I had on, both covered in paint. They were my designated painting shit. I often rub paint on myself to clean brushes and so I have to have specific things otherwise all my good clothes would be covered. Though that doesn't prevent the occasional paint splotch or two because I got lazy and didn't want to change.
I turned on the shower after getting into it and shoving myself as close to the wall as possible waiting for it to warm up. I often forget to heat it up before I get in. Okay correction I get impatient and don't want to wait. Once it warms up and slink into the heat, the warm water covers my skin. It feels like rain, except not fucking terrible, I faced the shower head and tilted my head up.
I grabbed MY shampoo, stop fucking using it Todd, and put some in my hand. Quarter my ass, I have a lot of hair and need more than that shit. It was to my waist at this point and I didn't plan on cutting it anytime soon. Sure I kept up with the dead ends but I could never have short hair. I scrubbed my scalp and slowly made my way down to the rest of my head of hair.
Finally I washed all the shampoo out of my hair and then did the conditioner. Which Todd also fucking uses…if the guy doesn't want to use his fucking shitty two in one stuff then he shouldn't fucking buy it- I grumble to myself slightly before washing the conditioner out of my hair as well. Finally feeling clean. Long hair is hard to take care of.
I turn off the shower, shivering slightly as the cool air hits my skin. I step out of the shower onto the mat and quickly grab my towel drying off my body and dabbing dry my hair, though it will still need some blow drying to be fully dry. I slip on my boxers and pants. They were tight as hell but they were awesome so I put up with it. I pulled the shirt over my head and pulled out the hair dryer from under the sink.
I plug it in and turn it onto medium not wanting to damage my hair. I was lost in thought of highschool years…I sometimes miss it, not middle school at all, but right after Sal got there. It was nice to be together all the time, hanging out and having fun. Sure we lived together but sometimes it felt different…especially after the cult. But hey. Friendships evolve.
While lost in thought a bang comes from the door. I jump back slightly "DUDE, FUCKING HURRY UP- I NEED THE BATHROOM-" a hear Todd shout over the hair dryer
"GIVE ME ONE FUCKING MINUTE MAN-"
"LARRY I SWEAR TO GOD"
"THERE'S NO GOD IN THIS HOUSE BITCH-"
"JUST HURRY THE FUCK UP"
I laugh and turn off my hair dryer and place it back under the sink messily. Putting on the jacket I brought in, and putting on my creepers. Which took a second. I stood up from squatting and I checked myself in the mirror one more time, brushing my fingers through my hair slightly.
"LARRY-"
"Coming! hold the fuck up numbnuts!' I shout back and laugh, opening the door and letting Todd through. The disadvantage of having one fucking bathroom. He quickly slams the door and I walk into the living room where Neil sits.
"Hey Lar, your dressed up" he said nodding
"Yeah me and Sal are going to the owl for a mini music fest. Wanna come?"
"I'd love to but Todd and I are going on a date. He wants to test out that telescope I got for his birthday. So we're driving out to the middle of nowhere tonight." He laughed "if we don't come back by morning assume we're dead or-"
I cut him off " that you had sex in the desert. Got it" I snickered
He gave me a look and rolled his eyes "I was gonna say that we got high-" he laughed
"Same result-" he gave me another look but before he could say anything else Sal came out of his room.
"Dude I fucking love this dress, I'm still astounded that I found it for 13 dollars at the thrift shop!" He was wearing a blue plaid dress with ripped edges. Under that he wore a black long sleeve top. "Still surprised I found it there to be honest"
"It's a nice dress" I jumped slightly at the new voice but it was just Todd coming up behind me. He snickers at my skittishness. Look, horror movies? I do completely fine. Real life and people coming up behind me? Fuck. That.
"I know right?" Sal said, twirling slightly.
"It's also flowy"
"Good this time you can kick people if they try to jump you again" Todd snickers referring to last time Sal went out in a dress
"Shit man, I'm in heels I'll fucking stab them too." Sal laughed and picked up his foot doing a kicking motion. I do not understand where the fuck he balance to walk in heels and use them like that. I swear to God he can sprint in those things.
"Still do not know how you found heels in men's sizes" Neil laughed
"It was easy, just had to look and ask like- theater companies . Guys played all the parts for a long time." Neil nods and chuckles slightly
"Well me and Larry should probably head out." Sal said, patting my back. We wave the other two off saying our goodbyes and out the door we are.
They made it outside in a comforting silence and then Sal spoke up "can we take your truck?" He asked walking towards it
"Yeah totally" I said, keys already in hand. My phone is in my pocket. I unlocked the rusty fixer-upper truck I bought in Senior year. It served me well and did what it needed to, so despite looking like a literal hellfire of a truck, I kept it. Plus it'd been through so much with us, I couldn't just get rid of it now. I hopped in the drivers side and Sal hopped in the passenger's seat
Sal began to look through CD's as I started the truck and was out of the parking lot. He picks up a CD "We should play-"
"Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole-"
"Dude you're gonna choose Sanity Falls anyway-" he waves the CD already in his hand.
"Fuck you. I'm predictable."
"Yeah you are Asshat" he laughs and takes the CD out carefully, putting it in the slot. The album began, it was their first album. It was nostalgic as shit for those highschool years, do not get me wrong their new shit is that fucking bomb! Hell objectively better even. But that first album was me and Sals everything back then, I can't just not love it.
Sa begins to head bang in the car, his hair falling over his prosthetic which he had since put on. Sure he felt comfortable in the house with me, Neil, Todd and Ash (when she was over) but he still couldn't leave the house without it. He one day hopes to get to that point though.
I bang my head slightly, not doing it too much so as not to mess up my hair that I had just brushed and so I could see the road. I guess one of those was more important than the other but it just felt like I should say one first.
Soon enough we pull up to the bar, the parking lot already full. We were about 30 minutes late, but eh that didn't matter much. I park the truck and both me and Sal get out. He grabs the bag he had brought, just a small tote bag because he didn't have pockets right now. I just shove everything in my pockets.
"You ready?" Sal asked walking around the truck
"Yeah." I paused for a moment before rubbing the back of my neck "Though…"
"Though what Lar?" Sal said his eyes growing slight concerned
"I don't know. I just have this gut feeling."
"Good or bad" Sal said putting his hand on my shoulder
"I don't really know…it just feels like something is gonna happen"
"Well in that case let's just see what the fuck life gives us." He chuckled and smiled at me. I couldn't see it but I could tell from his voice he pat my shoulder a couple times then starts on his way to the entrance
"Alright alright" I say and follow behind
"Hello ma'am." The bouncer says, there normally is a bouncer for these kinds of events. Sal's about to say something and correct the guy but he then says
"Are you here with your boyfriend for the music fest?" And Sal fucking loses it. He's grabbing my shoulder so he doesn't fall from laughing too hard. This is not the first time this has happened. It is always funny to us. The poor poor bouncer looks so confused
"...that's my brother" I snicker out. Sal always found this shit funnier than me. I still found it absolutely hilarious, that people just assume that the guy and a girl together are immediately girlfriend and boyfriend. And that It doesn't even cross their mind that they might be siblings-
"Oh my gosh sir I'm so sorry" he says with a frantic look on his face "I didn't mean to you just-"
Sal stands up and tries to say something but loses it again "it's fine" he stammers out, still laughing hard as hell.
Once Sal calms down his laughing they ID us and we're let in. They don't normally do IDs right at the door, but they do when they do music fests. Me and Sal notice some seats at the bar and go to sit down
"Hey you two-" a familiar voice sounds wiping a glass. It's a guy that we didn't know at all through our younger years but we both now know as 'santa'...Santa (or Peter Nelson) is an older gentleman. Long white beard and squarish glasses. Honestly he almost looked like Santa Claus, hence the nickname. Me and Sal came to this bar often enough that We knew him pretty well. We liked to listen to his stories and apparently he actually knew my dad for a couple years. So I've had some deep talks with him.
"Hey Santa!" Sal chuckled "how's The fall vacation- I know you have work soon"
Peter chuckles. "Oh why yes of course. Vacation only lasts 9 months of the year you know-" He always played along with the joke. Honestly Todd is 90% sure he's a mall Santa in the next town over during the winter months.
"Hope I'm not on the naughty list. I did spray paint something- can I maybe earn some brownie points?"
"Is it that new mural on that abandoned train by 96?"
"Fuck you caught me" I put my hands up in the air playfully and he laughed
"Now, should I get you that virgin strawberry daiquiri Sal?" He nods already pulling out a blender
"Oh fuck yes man!" He nods. Sal doesn't drink for obvious reasons, and Peter has practically memorized Sal's orders at this point. Shirley Temple, virgin strawberry daiquiri, some blue raspberry drink but no alcohol. But for some reason he can basically read Sal's mind and what he's in for that night. Still magic to me
"What would you like Larry? You're always so varied I never know what you're going to order." He asked
"Don't You do pina colada cocktails? I think I remember ordering one at some point"
"Yes we do!" The jolly old man smiles
"In that case that's what I'll have" I nod, The man turns away starting to make the drinks and I turn back to Sal. There's music playing, something heavy. Not necessarily metal but heavier than classic rock. I bob my head to the music listening as I close my eyes
"This band's pretty good!" Sal says and I open my eyes
"Yeah they're pretty good!"
"Their drummer is really good. I might have to go up there and ask what the band's name is! I know they probably announced it before they went on stage but I doubt they'll announce it after"
"Yeah, you should go talk to them during the transition period."
Sal was about to say something else but Santa came back with the drinks. "Here you go, you two!"
"Thanks Santa-" Sal laughs and the band starts to get off stage "shit I'm going to go ask! Be right back Lar" He said hopping down from the bar stool. The next band starts to get on stage but I don't really pay attention
"So Larry?" I hear a voice come and I turn back from where Sal was walking away to Santa
"Yeah what's up?"
"I've never got to ask. Or I've thought about it but I never got the chance. How's your mother doing?"
"Well! Currently married to Sal's dad."
"Ah ha! I wondered how you two were brothers. I remember hearing of you when your mom was pregnant, But I never remembered anyone else. And you two look around the same age."
"Yeah Mom got remarried after Dad left. Me and Sal considered each other brothers long before we actually became legally brothers."
"That makes a lot of sense. You know what I remember a story-"
"Yo Peter! Can I get another drink?" A man at the other end of the bar shouts
"Oh yes, give me a moment!" Santa turns back to me "I'll be right back Larry, Have to do my job" he snickered and walked off.
I finally tune back into the music. The band had started after their introduction which I didn't fully hear. I turned towards Sal, Who I just saw a glimpse of starting to walk backstage with the band. Classic fucking Sal, look the little dudes a introvert. But man is he good at cheering people up!
The band was pretty good though. They weren't heavy but the lyrics seemed heavy. Filled with some sort of deep sorrow that I couldn't fully understand. And I finally turned to face the stage. And I'm hit with a sight, a beautiful boy. His skin is dark, for some reason it reminds me of honey…and his hair does too, a bleached blonde. Something seems familiar but far too off for me to place anything.
He's wearing blue torn jean shorts and a black tank top. Look it's not flashy, but it showed his arms. Where a few large scars lay…now this is weird but I have a thing about scars, I don't think they just look cool. I think they tell a story, Tell you a lot about what a person's been through, their skin says so much because it's going to be with them for the rest of their life. And so I've always kinda had the hots for them.
And my god this boy was going at it with the songs, he was shouting the lyrics. Not like screamo metal, But like I'm passionate about this kind of scream sing. And the music was actually really good. He was playing on a purple guitar covered in stickers. And the drummer and bassist weren't bad either! They were actually really good…I just couldn't focus on anything but the boy. Look I got crushes from time to time, especially in high school, It was and still is easy for me to like someone. It's just hard for them to like me back…
I listened to song after song by this band. By this guy. I had a preference for girls but this guy just did it for me. It was like everything I could have wanted in a dude. And before long their last song came on. I knew it was their last because they kind of announced it. His voice was just as good as his singing voice.
"Okay so this last song is a little different and even sadder believe it or not. Sadly I didn't write this one- Wish I did because it's a masterpiece - but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless' ' he says and the rhythmic tune starts to play. It sounds beautiful, a keyboard had been put on stage while he talked, and the bassist started to play
"Slept in your room
With your friends on the inside
Needed some air
So I slept on the outside
Down on the couch
With your boyfriend
I need this
The smell of his hair
And the taste of his lips"
He's gay. Oh my God he's gay…he probably isn't. It's a cover, remember? And even if it was he won't notice me- stop being narcissistic Larry. I have my head and just watch as he sings, but I can't help but look at his lips. I hear something but I ignore it. I couldn't focus on anything else
"I hide in the closet
But I'm not a faggot
My friends never found out
My mom was a Christian
My dad is an alchie
I bet that he kills me
I don't know how God thinks
But God, do you love me?
I don't know how God thinks
But God, do you love me?
I don't know how God thinks
But God, do you love? "
The song lyrics seem close to home for the artist as he sang, the pain in his eyes was clear. I swear I could see tears in his eyes that he blinked away. I fiddled with my hair and couldn't look away, it was beautiful. The song was wonderful just like the mystery artist had said. But it just seemed so close to him that it added to its beauty.
"Just string me up, two or three
Just string me up, down by the trees
Just burn my pants, I'm such a freak
A fucking faggot that never sees
Just string me up, to retreat
Just string me up, down by the trees
Just burn my pants, I'm such a freak
I'm such a freak, I'm such a freak
She says I need a certain satisfaction kind
It's something you could never give to my type" The guitar stopped and he pulled something out of his shirt, a necklace, He held it close to his heart. Whatever the pendant was seemed close to him. He held it as he finished the song
"She said I need a certain satisfaction kind
It's something you could never give to my
To my, to my
To my, to my
To my, to yours
To my, to my
To my, to yours" He let go of the necklace in the crowd and began to cheer. I clap as well, starting to get out of my seat to go ask the band's name and maybe ask for a CD if they have one. Before I see what the necklace was.
It was a golden cross. Now that wasn't uncommon, It was actually a very common necklace. But everything started to click. From the contents of the song lyrics, to the boy's appearance, and then down to the necklace. Was this fucking Travis Phelps? I thought he was long dead. Long LONG dead. I was frozen in place. I couldn't think. Finally I felt a tap on my shoulder and I jump, I turn around to see Peter
"You okay kid? You seem shocked-"
"I think I just see someone that I used to know…And he looks not how I would have expected him to look." I sort of lie. If Travis did grow older I did not expect him to look like that though So it was only a half lie. To be honest I didn't expect him to grow old at all. Because I thought he was fucking dead
"Then go to him, kid. I'm sure you remembers you too"
"Peter I really do not think that is a good idea" I switched to the man's real name, I was being genuine. This was probably a terrible idea.
"No go go. Or the rest of your drinks for the night are double-" He kind of shoved me out of my chair slightly. In a manner that was playful, and definitely not hostile…But God was I shaking. I pulled out a cigarette and put the bullet. Taking a draw to calm me down before walking over
I walked up to where the band was getting off the stage and getting their equipment. I stand there for a second as the boy is unplugging things, quietly cussing to himself as he messes something up.
"Travis?" I say in a kind of questioning voice
"HOLY FUCK" The boy jumps and falls the hell over, looking at the person who had talked to him, me, in terror "oh uh hi- sorry. Just didn't expect someone to know my name- You heard of us before or something?" He said clearly lying through his teeth.
"Dude really" I offer my hand out. The boy surprisingly takes it, His hands are soft but calloused.
"Okay you got me. I am from here. Did I know you and high school or something?"
"Dude. It's Larry." And with that his face fully freezes, looking like he's trying to compute what just came out of my mouth.
"Oh uh hi-" he finally spoke up awkwardly "look um- different-" He said looking up at me. He was still ever so slightly shorter than me. Only about 3 inches.
"I thought you were dead man" I kind of playfully laugh.
"Didn't think I just moved?" He snickered his bandmate saying something to him before grabbing Travis's stuff and walking off.
"You're dumb father was still here. Still patrolling the church at night" I snickers
"Surprised you knew that. As someone doesn't go to church"
"I knew for…reasons" I lie trying not to immediately shove the cult into the conversation. Especially if Travis had tried to escape it.
Travis looks at me with a confused look. Trying to piece things together in his own mind. "I don't know what you want but I'd rather not have to-"
"Look. I just wanted to say, your music's really good. And It's good to see you actually alive-" I say offering a shy smile "Also you don't seem like an asshole- Especially with the whole singing about a guy as a guy thing" I snicker
"Oh God don't remind me of that-" he puts his head in his hands
"Remind you that you sang about a guy?'
"Remind me that I was an asshole to you guys- I feel guilty as hell. Especially cuz I was rude to you about you know being gay-"
I shook my head in shock, Travis Phelps was fucking apologizing? Of all people that could apologize in our lives, everything that happened. Phelps is the last person I'd expect. Whether it be Kenneth or Travis.
"So you're not a homophobic piece of shit?" I say trying to half joke with the other. Trying to make it less awkward for him as he actually seemed decent
"Look I'd love to explain but that take a long time-"
"And I have the rest of the night." I say kind of hoping that the other might actually accept it. He was still actually very pretty. The only thing making him less pretty, The fact that I had the hots for fucking Travis Phelps. Even thinking about it made my cheeks heat up
"Look I'd love to-" He glances backstage then sighs "You know what fuck it I need a drink anyway." I was not expecting that answer but I took it. A dramatically waved my hands over to the bar and he rolled his eyes
"You're still the fucking same Johnson" except you didn't say it with contempt, or any hostility. It was cheerful in a way, playfully mean instead of actually an asshole.
We make our way over to the bar and sit down, He sits where Sally used to be sitting, But I think he's probably trapped in a conversation and won't be back anytime soon…he'll probably run away when his social battery runs out-
"Hey you're back kid" Santa chuckles "And you got a friend with you. What do you want sir?"
"Just a cosmopolitan" Travis nods
"Coming right up"
"So what's with being the lead singer in a band?" I chuckled and Travis looked back over at me, His eyes were different. They weren't filled with pain like they were back in high school. I didn't know why they were both with pain, not until I realized who the cult leader was. He probably had a lot of pressures on him that I could never fully understand. Didn't make him being an asshole fair or reasonable but it made more sense. I take a puff of my cigarette.
"Well my dad made me play violin back in high school. Then I learned ukulele and I actually learned the guitar later on to start a band. I was always into poetry…and music just seemed like the next step" he shrugs putting his arms on the table and crossing them
"What's the band's name? I never actually caught it"
He pauses for a moment "It's a dumb name really-" He laughs. It was golden…I had never actually heard him laugh. That was…something I never expected that I would love. I shook the thought for my head
"Oh come on what is it"
"It's God Hates Travis Phelps- Just not many people listen to the intros and not many people know my name or even realize I'm Travis Phelps…But it's the name kind of close to me"
"Kind of edgy-"
"I get that a lot" He smiles, laughing.
"So you're just traveling around, playing music?" I ask
"Pretty much. Though my day job is journaling. I can do it from home so we just travel…I came back here because I got the offer for tonight. Honestly I planed to never come back here"
"That's fair enough. Didn't want to see your past and shit?" I fully understood. Not wanting to see any of this, ever again. The cult has none of it. It made sense. I'd never want to come back if I had been through what he went through.
"Yeah and I especially didn't want to see my dad."
"Didn't exactly get along with him?" I ask
"Not at all. He was an abusive piece of shit. Where got these scars from" he motions to his arms "Which is why I always wore a sweater back in high school" he chuckles saying it's so casual. Peter puts down the drink but realizes we're having a deep conversation and just walks off. Giving me a slight wink though…
"I didn't realize that was happening…I thought you're black eyes were from-"
"Fights with other kids? That's what everyone else thought. No they were from my dad" he said looking down at the drink and taking a sip
"It's good you can talk about it now though. Though I don't understand why you didn't go to any of the teachers?"
"They wouldn't listen. You know how my dad was, All powerful pastor who could do nothing wrong. Plus most of them were part of the." He cut himself off "never mind…It's not important"
I think for a moment, I didn't know if I should bring that up. Even after Kenneth's death they didn't realize who did it. And the Cult just slowly fell apart. Sealing both him and the red eyed demon man in history forever. I decide to go for it
"the cult?" I say taking a long draw of my cigarette and blowing it into the air. I hate talking about it…But it was necessary.
He turns away from his drink and looks at me shocked. Wide-eyed, and though there was pain, something in the back of those eyes opened up. Like a wall breaking down, falling and opening an entire new world.
"You know about that?"
"Know about it? Fuck Travis I ended it. Or well Sal ended it but, I was there while it happened. And I'd been investigating it for a really long time."
"Holy shit-" he says whispering slightly he turns back to his drink chugging it before turning back to me still wide-eyed. "Is that why you thought I was dead?"
"Yeah to be honest I thought your dad killed you-"
"No, I just ran away. Started a new life…I debated even coming back here. Afraid of what I'd see. Afraid to see well you and Sal Todd…Ash. All of you"
"Hey man…I don't know about the others but. I've long since forgiven you for all that. Or like I'm over it" I say smiling softly, His face is kind of shocked at first but looks back down at his drink
"Well thank you…It's kind of nice that I came back here now. Talking to you has been nice." He looks back up and smiles at me. He's gorgeous. Fucking Travis Phelps is…gorgeous. How did I never see that before…
"Yeah dude it's been great. Nice to talk to you too."
"How is everyone? I assume that after the cult died down you didn't just abandon each other." He paused for a second "No one…died right?"
"People died but none of the people You're probably talking about" I say finally done with my cigarette and putting it out into an ashtray.
"Oh thank God" he sighs "I don't think I would have been able to handle that…or well…Have you handled that" It was weird having him care. But it was kind of weird. The kind of weird that made your heart fuzzy.
"But everyone's good. Ash and Sal are together. She actually plans to move in with us after college. Oh and Todd and Neil are doing great. They're actually on a date tonight to go stargazing."
"It's good that everyone's doing well…And I went stargazing once, God it was terrible. The guy just wanted to have sex-" he shivered "not stargaze. Not what I signed up for. Especially on the first date"
It took me a second to process. Wait, was- "Are you gay?'
"Did you not pick that up from the last song?"
"No I just thought- I thought it was a cover. And like you were too pretentious to change the lyrics. I guess the thought did change my mind but like-"
"It's literally about religious trauma when it comes to being gay.."
"Oh fuck off! I can understand the lyrics of Asshat. I just didn't process it. I was just more focused on you okay-" I admit before cutting myself off, starting to kind of blushing like mad
"Focused on what now?" Travis snickers "trying to figure out if it was me or not?"
"Yeah." I laugh lying through my teeth hoping that the other couldn't tell. He clearly bought it because he just continued the conversation
"But yeah that's partially why I feel terrible about high school…and partially the reason I ran away" He says rubbing the back of his neck and taking another sip of his drink
"I didn't really think about that till you said it. Yeah your dad was a whole dick about that."
"Not just a whole dick. But like the worst. If I mentioned a dude he immediately quiz me on who they were. Or even worse-" He sighed putting his head in his hands "When he found the poems I wrote about a crush? Yeah that shit pushed him over the edge. He beat me until I was nearly half dead. The only reason I escaped is cuz he locked me in my room to go get something. I was homeless for a while. Just kind of lived on the streets in the next town over. Till I was found by Mary. Who took me in without second hesitation." He kind of rambled. But I listened intently. It was nice to hear the story from his side. Hear about what happened in the years upon years I thought he was dead.
"Who's Mary?" I ask genuinely enticed in the story
"This wonderful woman. She's the pastor in the next town over." He says before jumping back into the conversation and cutting me off. "Not like my dad in the slightest. She actually has a wife. Not legally married but they had an illegal wedding." He shrugged "she's the nicest person I've ever met. She's like a grandmother that I never got to have"
"She sounds nice. It was wonderful that she took you in"
"Yeah she's a great woman…But what about you? You've told me about Sal and about Todd and I've told you about myself but you've said nothing about yourself-"
"Nothing really that interesting-"
"Oh come on I just told you my life story for the last couple years- least you owe me is how you're doing" he chuckles lightly. It's like honey, thick and golden.
"Well okay. Still painting"
"You paint?"
"Yeah man, it's my passion." I nod "I live with Sal, Todd and Neil. I moved and a little after all three of them moved in. Was just waiting for the right time. And it's been pretty great."
"Had any romantic endeavors?" He snickers lightly "seems like everyone else does"
"I've had a couple dates but nothing serious…"
"Honestly the same. No one just clicks."
"I have felt the exact same way." I say looking over at the other. That feeling in my gut wouldn't go away, The light feathery feeling like my heart was being tickled. It felt like a golden aura, something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Not since my last big crush. Which was in fucking high school, and I am 25.
I thought for a moment "You mentioned having a crush in high school? You had to have to write that poem? Can I know who?" I snicker, elbowing the other slightly
"I would really rather not say-"
"Oh come on, why not?"
"Cuz you were close with them"
"Was it Sal?"
"Dude no- I'm not going to answer-"
"Ooo Todd? Is that why you were mean to him and Neil?"
"Larry I'm no-"
"Really Chug? Sorry man he doesn't like du-"
"Fucking hell.. Larry… It was you." He snapped slightly looking down at his drink and then taking a sip. And I just sat there for a second, staring at the other. Waiting for him to yell 'got you' or 'It was a prank-' or some other variation in the way that he was joking.
"Hahahah very funny" I say trying to hide my embarrassment and flusteredness.
"You wanted to know so I told you. I liked you Larry. I have been doing this since freshman year. I think that's when it came up." He says looking as if he's genuinely trying to think back
"You're kidding?"
"No and I understand if you're upset-"
"No, I'm not upset at all! It's just shocking…of all people why me?'
"You were pretty. Honestly you're still pretty. I'm surprised I didn't recognize you as soon as I saw you. With how much I obsessed over you-" he laughs
"You think I'm pretty?" A look of shock growing on my face, and growing embarrassment as well. The fact that a man so gorgeous…Maybe always so gorgeous was saying he had a crush on me in high school and still thought I was pretty was making me flustered. I didn't get compliments like that often. Sure my mom but like…. It's my mom she's going to do that. She still calls me Lar- Bear of course she is still going to call me handsome cuz well she's my MOM
"Yes I've said it a thousand times now- In different ways and in different variations. Geez how dense are you Johnson?"
"I'm not dense I'm just shocked"
"You seem embarrassed? Of all people I'm surprised"
"Why?" I say finally looking up from the bar
"You were staring at me the entire show. Didn't know who you were at the time but You still were staring at me intently." He chuckles taking a sip of his drink intently
"You saw that? And said nothing this entire time?'
"I wanted to see if you would fess up" he laughs
"You have gotten more confident and more cocky" I huff
"That's what not being a homophobic little bitch dose to you-"
I laugh and I laugh hard. "Okay okay fair enough."
We kind of just stare at each other for a second, It feels sweet. Not awkward at all. I kind of want to ask him on a date but…No he'd say no. He said he had a crush on me in high school. We are both 25 now. He's not going to say yes. Just cuz he thinks I'm pretty doesn't mean he likes me.
I was about to say something before I fell to hand on my shoulder
"Yo who's the date?" Sal pops over my shoulder smiling widely
"Oh my god- fucking really man?" I say laughing
"Okay but like seriously who is this, they took my seat- Also you're making goo goo eyes Larry I can tell-"
"Shut the fuck up. Why do you always do this?"
"Because I'm your brother and I love you." He messes up my hair despite being much shorter Even in heels.
"I can leave if needed." Travis speaks up
"No you can stay I just want to know who my brother is ogling-" he laughs "So sir who are you"
"One I'm not doing that. Two Sal…This is Travis-" I burst in Not letting Travis answer for himself. I'd rather not…And I also wanted to defend my honor. Despite what Sal was saying being entirely true…
"Oh nice to meet you Travis-"
"No Sal. Like Phelps Travis. The one we thought was dead-"
"Oh! what the fuck" He jumps back slightly "dude! You've got a whole makeover! I didn't recognize you man!" Travis laughs and rubs the back of his neck.
"It's good to see you again…Your dress is really nice" He smiles
"Why thank you Phelps. Didn't expect to hear that from you." Sal Snickers
"Hey I just want to say sorry for the entirety of high school I was an asshole."
"Dudes the past is in the past! It's good to see you're not dead-"
"It's good to see you're not dead either, especially if you went up against my dad-"
"Oh shit you know about that." He says a little shocked and fiddling with the hem of his sleeve
"Yeah," Larry told me. Thank you… for ending all that- You ended a lot of pain and suffering. Something I was unable to do at the time." He says and smiles at Sal. Sal was about to say something when someone calls over to Travis
"Hey dude We gotta go. We are your driver. Plus we have to get to that hotel soon!" The bassist from earlier comes up
"All right all right." Travis says before turning back to us "Hey it was nice seeing you two again. And if you can…Tell Todd and Ash I'm sorry." He says finally getting up and starting to walk away and out the door… out of my life. For the rest of it.
"Larry, you are sooo ogling him." Sal says, taking his seat back. I look down at the bar. Feeling dejected..
"Shut up Sal."I say genuinely not having fun or dealing with this
"Go get him."
"What?" I say turning back
"If you're not going to see him anyway. You might as well ask him out while you can. Right?" I think for a moment. Sals right.
"I hate when you're right."
"You love when I'm right" Sal winks. I stand up from where I was sitting and briskly walk out the door, avoiding people and dodging them on my way.
I get to the parking lot and see Travis getting into a car. I practically run, desperate I know, But I couldn't let this opportunity go. They were about to pull out but I knocked on the window. I got there just in time…Travis rolled down the window. And I sit there facing my decision for a second.
"Hey…" I say partially questioning whether this was a good idea..
"What's up?"
"Do you.. maybe want to go out to eat sometime. If you're still in the area…"
"Sure, I was hoping you'd ask" Travis smiles that warm honey golden smile. One that I could get used to.