Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cole didn’t cry the first time everyone forgot him. He just stood in the back of the Wu’s tea shop, watching everyone bicker. If anyone were to look, he’d be no more than a shadow. He didn’t really know when it started, but when he reached out to knock Jay over the head for something that didn’t really matter, his hand phased right through. When he called out to them nervously, no one answered him.

So, like the ghost he is, he stood there waiting.

It took a few minutes for everyone to see him again.

“Cole?” Kai said, setting a hand on Cole’s shoulder. The touch was—normal. There was nothing special or particularly noteworthy about it but Cole was so, so happy to feel it. To feel the texture of Kai’s palm, the warmth of his skin that was always just a little higher than normal, “Why’re you being so quiet?”

Cole swallowed, “I’m—nothing, just zoned out,” his voice was slightly weak, a wet edge to it. Kai’s eyes crinkle with concern and he squeezes just a little firmer.

“Are you okay man?” he asked and Cole, just for a second, considered telling him what just happened. He doesn’t though, maybe if he doesn’t acknowledge it, it won’t happen again. So he put on a smile, closed mouth and small.

“Yeah,” he said. Kai stared at him for a few seconds before he seemed to accept his answer and he backed away, taking his hand off Cole’s shoulder. A wave of something he can’t quite describe, the closest he can come to is a cold emptiness, rippled through his body.

It made him feel like he was going to fall through the floor, deep into the earth, and he hated it.

So, he doesn’t cry the first time they forget him, and he didn't cry the last time, but he wanted to.

…

Cole was cleaning the shop when a customer came in. It was late afternoon, the sun just setting outside the shop, painting the sky orange and purple. It was quiet, just the sound of the broom brushing against the floor. The only person in the shop was him. The other ninja—plus Wu and Misako—had left—somewhere. Cole didn’t know if they just didn’t want to invite him or if they forgot to.

He didn’t know which was better.

The door’s bell rang with a quiet chime as an older man walked in. They tended to get mostly older customers, turns out; tea doesn't attract a very young audience. Shocking. Cole didn’t mind that though; he finds the company of older people calming.

The man looked maybe in his 70s, and Cole has the brief wonder if anyone’s going to come tailing behind him, calling out ‘grandpa’. The man met his eyes and nodded softly. Cole nodded back, relieved that he didn’t have to have a conversation, at least not yet.

The man walked around the shop for a few minutes, seemingly browsing through the tea laid out before he made his way to the counter. In his hands were two tea packages. Cole was not tea-savvy but he recognized them as floral, at least.

The man wordlessly handed him the packages and a few bills, and Cole got to counting.

It was a correct amount, but before Cole could hand the packages back the man laughed softly, more of a hum really.

“I don’t know why I always look around,” he said. His voice was deep but scratchy with age. Still, there was a honeyed layer to his tone, and Cole had the impression that the man may have had a pleasant voice in his younger years. It reminded him of his own dad.

“Why’s that?,” Cole asked, watching the wrinkles on the man’s face crease with his smile.

“I always get the same kind. It’s for my wife, I don’t like tea that much, but it makes her feel better,” he explained, there was something tender in his words that made Cole feel like he was intruding. “She doesn't remember much these days, but she remembers she likes this exact brand. It’s pretty old, so you don’t see it much anymore; I’ve been looking for a place that sells it.”

“I’m glad we could be the place, then,” Cole said and handed back the packages. The man’s hand briefly brushed with his own and Cole was surprised to find the man had no reaction. Cole was only semi solid on a good day and rather cold. Even the rest of the ninja tended to flinch if they touched him unexpectedly.

It must have shown on his face because the man quirked a smile at him.

“I’m not bothered son. I heard all about that nonsense in Stiix; I know who you are,” he said and reached into his pocket to drop a couple of coins onto the counter. “Here,”

“You’re a good kid, so you have a good night,” he said and then he was gone before Cole could thank him, the bell faintly chiming in his wake.

Cole gathered the coins in his hand, feeling the weight, and dropped them into the ‘Coin Jar’ as it had been knighted by Jay. The coin clanged softly as they hit the pile.

No one came into the shop after that, and by the time Cole closed the store the sky was black and no one had come home.

He went to bed.

…

The sun was warm where it beamed down on Cole, but he couldn’t feel it. He was sitting in front of the tea shop again, staring out into the open space. He felt—airy. He could just barely discern the feeling of the ground beneath him. It was like he was floating off in space, untethered and free in the worst sense of the world. He’d been there before, when they actually went to space, and he was there again.

Jay, Kai, and Lloyd were ‘training’ just a few meters away from him. It was more accurate to say they were playing. Their aeroblades were laid out on the ground as Kai and Jay wrestled. Kai had Jay in a headlock while the blue ninja himself shrieked. Cole watched as Jay's finger lit up with electricity and jammed into Kai's stomach. Kai jolted and Lloyd laughed, bright and free. Cole smiled, it was always nice to hear Lloyd laugh, it had taken a while for him to fully come back to himself after Morro.

In their ruckus, Kai’s foot accidentally kicked out and sent his aeroblade flying out. It whistled in the wind and hit the spot next to Cole’s foot with a clang. The sound registers faintly and he briefly spared it a glance. Then, because he felt so—tired isn’t the right word—unconnected, he dropped his chin to rest his hands and closed his eyes.

The sound of the wind is nice, he thought. When he was climbing he found it soothing, like it washed away all his worries and filled his ears with a sound his thoughts couldn’t drown out. It wasn’t nice when Morro was a threat, it was a warning then. That was a while ago though and once again; it's nice.

The sound of footsteps thumped distantly under the breeze and he paid it no mind.

It kinda reminded him of the beats of a percussion drum. The steady thump, thump, thump…

“Cole?”

Cole blinked and standing in front of him was Lloyd. He was blocking out the sun and casting a shadow down on Cole. It nearly drowned him out. In his hands was the aeroblade.

His eyebrow was quirked up questioningly.

“Uh, hello?” Lloyd said, leaning a little over him.

“Oh,” Cole shook his head, “hey.”

Lloyd had a funny expression on his face, like he’d seen something he wasn’t quite sure how to place. He looked briefly back to Kai and Jay before he held out a hand in Cole’s direction. Cole glanced up at it, studying the texture of his hand. He looked down at his own, it was…fuzzy. HIs fingerprints didn’t exist anymore…it was all simply wiped away.

“Cole,” Lloyd repeated for the second time, concern creeping into his tone, “let’s go inside.”

Cole reached up to take Lloyd’s hand when—

—His hand slipped right through.

Cole stared blankly and Lloyd mouth shut with a click.

Cole’s hand still hung in the air, frozen where it fazed through. Something bubbled up in his chest but before it could come out his throat, Lloyd grasped his hand. This time, it stuck. His hand was solid where it held his own. Lloyd’s grip was gentle but firm.

Lloyd pulled him up and, softly by the hand, led him inside the shop. His touch was a grounding point and Cole slowly felt more real. As they walked, he glanced behind him to find Kai and Jay no longer wrestling and instead discreetly trying to watch Cole without making it obvious. They weren’t very good at it, Cole thought with a flutter of anxiety.

Sat behind the counter was Nya, who rested her face in her hands. She looked bored.

“Oh, hey,” she perked up.

“Hey Nya,” Lloyd greeted, a small smile on his face.

“Hi,” Cole mustered up, trying to smile. Nya smiled back at him, a little questioningly. She glanced down at their conjoined hands and then made eye contact with Lloyd. Whatever she saw, her eyebrows rose slightly in response to it.

“Let me get some tea,” she said and walked out from behind the counter and into the back of the shop, “It’s not like we don’t have enough.”

Lloyd sat down at the table, letting go of his hand. Cole followed suit, finding a place next to him. A few minutes later, Nya came back with three cups that clinked softly and a teapot. She set the cups down in front of Cole and Lloyd and then herself.

She poured the tea, it was steaming lightly and colored a warm honey tone. Cole watched the liquid fall, it reminded him of water and that was an uneasy thought. It only seemed to be pure, untouched water that could hurt a ghost but anything even related was…uncomfortable for him sometimes.

Still, he took a sip and hummed at the taste.

“Thank you Nya,” he said and she grinned at him.

“No problem,” she replied. There was a few minutes of quiet after that but it was…comfortable. It was something Cole would relax into but not be lost in. Before he knew it, he was staring at an empty cup, just the barest amount of tea left at the bottom of his cup.

“You know, I heard there’s a bunch of sales going on in Ninjago City right now,” Nya broke the silence, “Master Wu and Zane are there right now.”

“Yeah?” Lloyd said, leaning in with pursed lips, he looked interested.

“Yep, I was thinking we could go,” Nya said, her eyes pointed towards Cole.

“I’m down,” Lloyd smiled, “Cole?”

“...Sure, what about Jay and Kai?” Cole jutted towards Kai and Jay outside. Nya smirked and stood up, her chair making a faint screech.

“What about them? Come on,” Nya grabbed his arm and dragged him up and out the door. Lloyd followed behind with a snicker.

“It’s not my fault they don’t pay attention,” Nya laughed.

Cole cracked a grin and laughed.

…

“This sucks,” Cole grumbled. They were walking down the streets of Ninjago City and he was carrying a mountain of bags. All Lloyd and Nya’s stuff, to be clear.

“Hey, don’t forget some of that is yours,” Nya said over her shoulder and Lloyd nodded sagely next to her.

“Yeah, like two shirts,” Cole swore as his foot caught on a crack in the sideways and he stumbled, barely managing not to drop a bag. Now that would’ve been a convenient moment for his intangibility to flare up but no, he doesn’t get convenience.

“It’s not like you’re too weak to carry it all,” Lloyd said and fell back to walk at Cole’s side, “you’re the strongest, remember?”

“Don’t try to butter me up, greenbean. It won’t work,” Cole huffed and shouldered Lloyd. He laughed when Lloyd yelped and fought to regain his balance.

“You suck!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cole laughed.

As they were walking past a shop, the sunlight glittered off its windows and caught Cole’s attention. When he looked, it was an electronics store. Jay would’ve liked this place, he thought. Sitting on the shelves he could see was a pair of headphones. Dark and sturdy looking.

He must have paused or slowed down because Nya looked over his shoulder and asked, “see anything you like?”

“Yeah, mind if we stop to look?” Cole asked, he had been needing a new pair of headphones. Cole had come to terms that he was rather heavy handed, his stuff, on the other hand, not so much.

“Sure,” Nya said breezily and walked into the store. Cole and Lloyd followed behind her and immediately, he felt a temperature change. It was slightly cooler in the store and he wondered how cold it was for the living. Judging by Lloyd’s shiver, pretty cold.

“Ugh, do they have the AC turned up all the way or something,” Lloyd mumbled.

Cole hummed and then made a beeline for the headphones. He picked them up and pursed his lips at their weight. He thought they would’ve been heavier.

“I’m gonna go look around,” Lloyd said and Cole absentmindedly nodded. He spent a few minutes examining the headphones, doing his best to balance all the bags. In the end, he came to the conclusion that they would.

“Guys—” he turned around and froze. He couldn’t see them. The store wasn’t large enough to lose them like that so he scanned the room again and again, but didn't find them.

“Lloyd? Nya?” he called out. No one answered, no one's head even turned in his direction.

The headphones and bags dropped to the ground with a loud thud. He looked down and his hands were transparent. His body wavered and flickered like a dying candle. He tried to reach down and grab a bag but his hand slid through.

He tried again, and again, and again, and again. He tried until he felt like screaming and he did, he yelled and yelled but no one’s ears even twitched. He breathed heavily and felt so stupid. He thought maybe if he screamed loud enough someone would hear him but even if screamed his throat raw, he'd have been just as quiet. He might as well not even have vocal chords.

He dropped his hands, giving up on the bags and tried to walk towards the exit but his feet kept slipping into the floor. It was like walking through snow. He huffed and tentatively floated just a few inches off the floor.

It felt weird, wrong.

He couldn’t feel the earth like this. The earth pulsed like a beating heart; steady and unlike a human heart, never ending. It was almost like the beat of a drum, the very foundations of a song. Everything else built upon it but the earth was forevermore and Cole had always found that…comforting. Not many things lasted forever.

With his feet off the ground and the world so foreign to him, he was suddenly deaf to the heartbeat of the earth. It made everything…quieter. He missed the vibrations that ran up and down his legs.

Soon he found himself floating above the sidewalk, just outside the shop. It was busier than before. Men in suits speed walked while talking into a phone, mothers dragged their children around, and they all walked straight through Cole.

The sensation made him shiver, it felt cold, and he wanted to get away from it so bad but he couldn’t move. Cole couldn’t tell you why but he couldn’t bring himself away from it. Maybe it was some stupid desperation for any sensation, no matter how horrible.

Cole couldn’t tell you what it was, but he didn’t move for a long time. When he did, it was because people moved around him first. Not because they could see him but they just—instinctually began to step around him. He numbly wondered if it was because he was as cold to them as they were to him.

There was a circle left in the sidewalk, untouched, untreaded. Cole wrapped his arms around himself.

Finally, he began to wander around. There really was no name for it, he simply wandered. It all passed in a blur. His body moved but his mind stayed behind, in that electronic store where he was left behind.

Then he blinked and he was in a part of ninjago city he didn’t recognize. Or at least, didn’t remember. He’d be surprised if there was a single corner in this forsaken city he hadn’t at least seen. The sky was darkening and gray, clouds covering the sun.

It was oddly quiet, wherever he was. He must have been in the daze for a while, if rush hour was over. That was an uncomfortable thought. There were a few parked cars lined along the street but he didn’t see any people. All he could hear was the sound of wind.

And then rain drops.

Cole’s stomach dropped.

He looked down and there was a small, barely visible wet dot on the sidewalk. The beginning of a drizzle, downpour, storm—he didn’t know. Cole panicked and took off down the sidewalk. Just a little further down was a bus stop, one with a cover.

Thank First Master, Cole thought. A shadow laid over him as he slid under the bus stop. He breathed heavily, despite not needing to, dizzyingly thankful it existed.

Rain began to patter softly onto the roof and Cole flinched. He clenched his fists and forced himself to sit down on the small bench situated in the center of the stop. For a second, he was worried he would fall right through but he was able to sit down. The earth’s thumping returned to him and he focused on it, rather than the beat of the rain.

Thump…thump…thump…thump…

Cole’s eyes slipped shut and his breathing began to even out.

Thump…thump…thump…thump…

Thump…thump…thump…thump…

Thump…thump…thump…thump…

Thump…thump…thump…thump…

Thump. Cole’s eyes opened at the sound, it was different. At the opposite end of the bench was a woman. She was slightly wet and looked like she was in her 20s. She wore a pink blazer and a black pencil skirt. Her hair was a sleek black, much like her eyes.

None of that was what Cole noticed first, no, the first thing he noticed was the necklace around her neck. It looked old, antique. It was a dark gold, almost copper like in color, and heart shaped. It was beautiful, the metal was carved with intricate lines and designs. It was something his mother would’ve liked.

The reason it caught his attention though was because of the sickly green sheen and aura it radiated. It looked almost like the weapons Morro’s henchman had possessed, though more gentle.

His eyes flickered to the girl again, she didn’t look aware of him or the ghost obviously possessing her necklace. He reached out and his fingers wrapped around the necklace.

“Stop that,” a tired voice said.

Cole froze and in his surprise the necklace slipped out of his grasp. Floating next to the woman, who was previously not there, was a ghost. It was another woman but much, much older. Her face was deep set with wrinkles and her back was hunched with age.

Cole glanced at the woman again and the older ghost seemed to catch it.

“She won’t hear us, dearie,” she said, not unkindly.

“I—dearie?” Cole faltered.

“Mhm, you look pretty young don’t you,” she reached out and pinched Cole’s cheek. Cole hissed at the stretch, not used to feeling things.

Cole gently knocked her hand away, “who are you? And why are you in that lady’s necklace?”

The ghost’s face softened, “just call me granny, dearie. That’s my granddaughter.”

“Oh,” now Cole felt bad, “I’m sorry Miss.”

“Granny.”

“Oh, uh, sorry granny.”

“Mm, don’t worry about it,” granny smiled, making her smile lines deepen, “I understand, you must’ve died recently, it’s all very confusing.”

Died?

“No I—I never died,” Cole stammered out and granny’s smile dropped. Suddenly her face was sympathetic and Cole hated it, “no, no, I never died. You know Yang’s temple? I’m a ninja and—”

A hand on his head silenced him, “It’s alright dearie, you don’t have to explain.”

Something like shame bubbled up in his throat. He wanted her to understand but he couldn’t get the words out anymore. Gently, her fingers began to rub into his scalp. It was nice but it reminded Cole of his mom.

“You’re just like my granddaughter, I can tell,” Cole didn’t see how. That woman and him couldn’t be more different, her hands looked so soft, gentle, and Cole’s hands were calloused and scarred.

Still, Cole leaned into her hand and waited for her to decide to leave.

“What are you waiting for dear?” she asked a few minutes later.

Cole blinked, “waiting for?”

“Yes, all ghosts are waiting for something, it’s what keeps us from moving on,” she explained, looking wistful.

Cole curled in one himself at the words ‘moving on’. He never died, he didn’t need to move on.

“I…I’m not waiting for anything,” he said slowly and moved out of her reach. Granny paused at the retreat but she took it in strides and lowered her hand to rest in her lap.

“I’m waiting for my granddaughter to be ready, I couldn’t bear to leave her so young. I know she can’t see me but, dearie, the heart doesn’t care about things like that,” she ghosted a hand through the woman’s hair, watching as her granddaughter leaned closer, subconsciously chasing the touch she wasn’t even aware of.

Granny turned to look at Cole, “I have a feeling it’ll be soon though, she’s a very smart girl,” her smile turned weary, “and I am very tired.”

A light flashed on the wet street and Cole looked to see a bus steadily driving closer. The wheels were squeaky on the water and rang out in the quiet street.

“I’ll be able to move on and see my husband again,” she said, holding a hand to her heart. Then, she noticed the bus and gave Cole one last smile.

“Goodbye dearie, be safe okay? I’d hate to find out something happened to you,” she said and after a moment, she reached out to touch the necklace. Then she was gone, sucked away back into the necklace. Cole tried to find her face in the reflection again, but there was nothing but a metal shine.

The bus stopped into front of them with a quiet screech of the wheels. The doors slid open and the woman stood up. Her heels clicked on the ground as she boarded the bus. The doors slid close.

He kept his eyes on the necklace the entire time. He had a feeling he’d never see her again. It was the nature of these things he supposed.

The bus drove away and Cole was once again alone.

The rain pattered gently.

He had never felt more helpless.

…

By the time the rain stopped it was dark. The sky was black and unforgiving. The moon shined above, a speck of light in a starless sky. The night sucked away all the color in the world, leaving him to glow starkly against the dark.

Cole floated through the street, he had a long way to go before he was even near home. He couldn’t even put his feet on the ground because it was still wet, the water shining in the moonlight on the pavement. Even the air was still clinging to that wetness. It stung a little, if he was honest. His lungs prickled like cold air would make a living—non-ghost person’s.

It was too late to take the bus from the city to the tea shop, like he had with Nya and Lloyd earlier, so he’d have to walk. It wasn’t a big deal, he had done it before.

He kept floating, vaguely in the direction he was supposed to. He wondered what he looked like right now, if someone looked; what would they see? A ghost glowing softly in the dark, floating down the street? Nothing more, nothing less, he supposed.

Sometimes he wanted to go back to Yang’s temple, to yell at him, to demand that the ghost return his humanity. He’d stolen so much from Cole for no real reason. Simply because he could. The night after it happened, he’d hoped it would just go away. That he’d simply wake up whole again. It never happened, every morning he would wake up and face his new body.

Cole didn’t think the other ninja really understood what that felt like. He barely felt anything at all. Parts of his senses, like touch, smell, and taste were faint, muted. He wasn’t whole anymore and it was like everyday a little more slipped away.

He was fading, from himself, from everyone’s memory.

A wet screech of tires swerving on the road reached his ears and then a car barreled through him. The wheels sparked as it roughly slid across the street before bumping into the sidewalk and coming to a harsh stop. It was a yellow taxi and maybe a few meters away from him.

Cole was perfectly unharmed, he didn’t know how to feel about that.

The door of the car slammed open as a man stumbled out. His movement was frenzied as he frantically looked around the street, he looked distraught. He ran up the street, his shoes squeaky on the road, and stuttering apologies and pleas. His face was white and his voice shook.

Cole quietly called out to him and the man’s head snapped to him, his eyes wide and unbelieving. Cole knew he should’ve said something but he didn’t have the energy, so he just stared back at him.

The man was older than he thought, middle aged likely. He had dark brown hair and eyes, his skin tan and wrinkles forming around his face.

“I—I thought I hit you. Are you o-okay?” the man stammered out desperately and then he stumbled closer to Cole. Then he reached out and put his hand on Cole’s shoulder, as if to reassure himself.

Well, he tried.

The man’s face went white again as his hand slipped through Cole’s body and he yanked it back to himself, close to his chest. His eyes flickered up and down Cole again, more intensely, and he seemed to come to a realization.

“Oh, you’re a…,” his voice died out. He looked at Cole fearfully.

Cole was tired, he didn’t want to have this conversation, “can you drive me home?”

The man didn’t answer, he just stared at Cole. Cole wasn’t sure what he was seeing but it probably wasn’t the black ninja. Cole wasn’t even wearing his gi, just casual clothes.

“I don’t have any money,” he continued.

The man looked him over again and his chest deflated, “...it’s okay. I’ll take you home.” His eyes shut for a second and when he opened them, they were sad for some reason.

Cole followed him to the tax, the man kept glancing behind at him every few seconds but Cole couldn’t be bothered to care. He just wanted to get home. When they finally reached the car both Cole and the man looked it over. It scratched and the side where it hit the curb was dented but otherwise it seemed functional. The man sighed but went around to climb into the drivers side.

Cole went to grab the door handle but stopped just short; it was wet. Frustration spiked in his chest and just as abruptly died. He stood there for a few minutes, blankly staring at the car. Finally, the man poked his head outside the car door and looked at him questioningly.

“The water,” Cole explained, “I can’t touch it.”

“Right,” he said apologetically.

He stepped out of the taxi and came back around to open the door for Cole. Cole nodded softly in thanks and climbed into the car. It was an average taxi in and out, the only noticeable detail was the name card hanging from the rear view mirror. It read simply “Kenzo”, no surname.

The man took his place in the driver's seat once again and started up the car.

“Where do you live?” he asked quietly.

Cole listed off the address. Kenzo’s eyes widened a little in surprise, it was rather far. The tea shop was on the outskirts of the city. Though, he just nodded and pressed on the gas.

It was quiet for a few minutes, just the sound of the car and the sight of the city passing by in the window. Cole leaned his elbow on the door and rested his chin in his palm, distantly aware of the world around him.

Kenzo glanced at him, “...how old are you?”

“Seventeen,” Cole answered. Kenzo's eyebrows furrowed and he gripped the steering wheel a little harder.

He didn’t ask anymore questions after that, he just drove and Cole was thankful. Slowly the city transformed into the familiar barren land of the outskirts. It reminded Cole a little of his home town. It wasn’t technically a town but it was far from the inner city and so tight knit it might as well have been.

The car slowed down and Kenzo turned his head to look at him, “we should be coming up.”

Cole made an affirming sound and sure enough, they turned one last time and the tea shop came into view. Oddly enough, the lights were still on.

The car came to a stop and Cole went to leave the car, even going so far to wrap his hand around the handle when Kenzo said, “Hey, uh, kid?”

Cole paused, “yes”

“Are these your parents?” he glanced doubtfully at the tea shop.

“Does it matter?” Cole said, wondering why he was asking at all.

“Listen, I’ve never met…,” he paused, a ghost, Cole filled in the blanks, “someone like you before. And you’re so young I just…do you need anything?”

Help, he didn’t say.

Cole stared at him, wondering why he cared. He was just a ghost, there wasn’t anything more to it. For some reason, it made him angry.

“No,” he said harshly.

He climbed out and closed the door, ignoring Kenzo’s sad eyes following him. He was just about to walk away when he groaned quietly, he’d been raised with better manners than that.

He turned around stiffly and said, “thanks.”

Kenzo, who had rolled down the window, smiled awkwardly at him and looked at him for a handful of seconds before taking a breath, “Of course.”

He paused, “take care, ok?”

Cole nodded, uncomfortable, and turned around. It was when he was about halfway across the space to the tea shop when he heard the sound of a car start up and drive away.

Finally, he reached the front door and when he went to open it, expecting to find it locked, the door suddenly opened. In the doorway was Zane. His face was tense, his eyebrows pulled down and mouth set in a firm line.

“Cole,” he breathed, looking relieved. Cole looked around his shoulder and found everyone else spread across the room in various ways. Nya was crossing her arms with her back to a wall, looking upset. Lloyd was next to her, his head tilted down with his eyes half closed. Kai was seated on the floor, staring at a wall with Jay slumped at his side, resting his head on Kai’s shoulder. Lastly, Wu was sat at the table, nursing a cup of presumably tea.

At his name, everyone minus Jay perked up. Zane shifted to the side and let Cole walk, closing the door behind him. Cole stood in the center of the room, not looking at anyone. He just held onto his own elbows.

Kai elbowed Jay in the side and Jay woke with a jolt, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“Oh, Cole! See I told you he’d come back,” he yawned, wiping the thin string of drool off his chin.

“Where did you go?” Nya asked, walking closer to him. Her face was pinched up, squishing her eyes up in a similar way to how she smiled. It was a disconcerting effect.

I didn’t go anywhere, Cole thought. The numbness that had been building steadily over the course of his day was breaking down, falling to the faces of his family. He didn’t want it to go, his emotions were so messy. It made his breath pick up and his lip quiver.

“Nowhere,” Cole murmured under his breath, trying to shoulder past both Zane and Nya. They didn’t let him, stepping back in front of him and Cole bit down a frustrated growl.

“Dude you just disappeared out of nowhere, with everything too, what happened?” Lloyd asked. His tone wasn’t accusatory at all but Cole still bristled at it.

“Nowhere, okay?” he said, venom leaking into his voice, “I just got lost.”

Kai stood up, his eyebrows lowered at Cole’s tone, “Woah, we were just worried. And you got lost until—whatever time it is?”

“1:45 am,” Wu added, staring at Cole thoughtfully.

“Yeah, what he said,” Kai said.

“Yes. Now can I go to bed or,” Cole said, he was staring off into a corner of the room. He couldn’t look at anyone. He wasn’t mad at them, at least he didn’t think he was, but he just couldn’t handle it right now. It was so confusing, when they were gone all he wanted was for them to come back but it feels like more and more he can’t stand to be around them.

It was hard to look at them when he knew they could be a minute away from forgetting. It made him feel like a secondary player, someone in the background to be pulled into the story whenever someone graciously remembered he existed.

“What’s going on with you, Cole?” Jay said from his place on the floor, he was staring up at Cole with a pinched expression but right as he opened his mouth to continue Kai kicked him oh-so-subtly in the shoulder.

Jay yelped, “What was that for?!”

What was wrong with Cole? He stared incredulously at Jay.

“Jay, shut up—” Kai hissed but Jay opened his mouth anyway.

“I mean, come on. Ever since you died you’ve—”

“I didn’t die!” Cole yelled, startling Jay and everyone in the room. His fists were balled up at his side and his chest rose and fell heavily, he bit his lip, “I didn’t die.”

Nya carefully laid a hand on his shoulder and Cole was surprised she was able to, “...we know. It’s okay, we’re just worried.”

Cole shrugged her hand off, “there’s nothing to worry about.”

The room was quiet, no one knew what to say, Cole wrapped his arms around himself, just wishing he could go to bed. If he slept that meant the day was over and he could wake up tomorrow and have a better one.

He'll have a better day tomorrow.

“I’m going to bed,” he said and finally no one got in his way. He walked past Nya and Zane and headed towards the back of the shop. They had futons rolled up in the closet on the second floor, he’d just sleep there. Wu’s voice stopped him before he could really leave.

“Cole, I want to talk to you tomorrow,” he said, leaving no room for argument. Cole looked at him with tired eyes.

“‘Kay,” he mumbled and finally, finally was able to leave. As he was climbing up the stairs he heard the sound of the door opening and footsteps. They were leaving to sleep in the bounty, he figured.

His feet made no sound as he walked. Even when he was ‘full-ninja-mode’, as Jay called it, his feet made some noise. Even if just the softest of thumps on the floor, so quiet it could barely be heard, it was there. In the body he lived in now, he made no noise. He quite literally ghosted through the halls.

He slid open the shogi door and closed it behind him. The room he was in they shared usually. Sometimes a handful of them stayed in the shop, sometimes in the bounty. Their spaces were communal, it was just Cole at the moment. It made the space feel void.

He opened up the closet and took out sleeping clothes first. They weren’t anything special, just a t-shirt and sweatpants but they were comfy. Clothes were…weird. When he had them off, they were normal but the second he put them on they were just as intangible as he was. It made no sense, but he figured nothing about their world made sense.

His day clothes fell to the ground, solid, as he slipped up on his pjs. They turned a wispy green and Cole sighed. He threw his day clothes into a corner and set out taking out the futon. A few minutes later and it was ready.

He slid under the cover with his back to the door and let his head fall onto the pillow. He kept his eyes low, settling at his hand. He didn’t want to look at his family's items scattered around the room. Like Kai’s pile of laundry, or Nya’s weights, or Lloyd’s comic books. He wasn’t very good at this.

Just as his eyes were about to shut, sleep finally claiming him, the door slid open. A shadow casted over him and Cole didn’t need to look to know it was Zane. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Do you mind if I sleep here?” Zane asked, keeping his voice quiet and soft.

Cole looked at him over his shoulder and considered the question. It wasn’t like it was his right to tell him no, but he appreciated that Zane asked in the first place. He knew Zane wasn’t the best with people, but he was naturally kind and Cole always admired that.

“It’s fine,” he replied, just as quiet. Zane stepped into the room and his feet padded along the floor. He was reaching for the closet.

“It’s okay,” Cole said. He lifted up the covers and padded the empty space besides him. It wasn’t very big but it’d fit them. Even if it was tight. He could trust Zane to be close.

Zane blinked but smiled softly and soon he was laying next to Cole. He seemed a little hesitant about where to put his limbs. Cole sighed and pulled him close, sneaking his arm around Zane’s chest and intertwining their legs. Zane was cold but he found he liked it.

He rested his forehead against Zane’s chest. Zane didn’t have a heartbeat but if you were close enough, you could hear all the different parts of his body working together. Producing these mechanical sounds that one could find unnerving but Cole didn’t. It was just Zane and it was as good as any heartbeat.

Zane’s arms settled, one laying across Cole's side, his hand curling around his waist. The other laid between them, gripping Cole’s hand. It was solid, the metal of Zane’s body making it more so. It made him feel raw and he squeezed his eyes shut. He hated this body, hated the way it didn’t listen to him. Did he even really have a body anymore?

What was a body, if it didn’t do the one thing it was supposed to? He was losing the ability to interact with the world and he knew it. He hated it. Hated the fact that he couldn’t go out on rainy days. Hated the way his body would randomly go cold and made him feel so empty. He hated it, he didn’t want it anymore. Cole wanted the body he used to have, that was strong, real, and alive.

He wanted the body he wasn’t sure he’d ever get back.

Zane softly squeezed his hand and his thumb traced slow circles on Cole’s skin. He murmured something into Cole’s hair and Cole felt too out of it to process the words but it helped anyways. Zane’s voice was like that, steady with the edges laced with something artificial. When he died, it was one of the things he missed most about him. Zane wasn’t loud and he didn’t talk as much as someone like Jay, but it was so suddenly quiet.

Cole’s eyes started to lower, the motion of Zane’s thumb lulling him into sleep. Sleep was better than being awake these days, he thought as he drifted away. With what remained of his body carefully tucked against Zane’s body and his mind finally quiet, he fell asleep, dreaming of nothing in particular.

It was dark, behind his eyes.

Chapter Text

Cole’s days were—cycles.

Like most days he woke up with heavy, half lidded eyes. He was tempted to right back to bed but he figured he should get up anyways. He rubbed his eyes, languidly tugging the covers off himself. The room was still dark and quiet.

He still didn’t feel all that better. He wasn’t very solid. The best way he could think to describe it was that he was fully numb, just without the prickling sensation. He would’ve preferred it at this point, the prickling meant he was real at least.

There was a bump sound coming from downstairs and a clatter of voices so Cole figured the shop had already been opened. He decided to forgo changing, yet, and started his way downstairs.

He lethargically walked down the stairs, his feet heavy and slow. Finally, he peeked his head inside the shop.

The first thing he noticed was the family of—seven? A mom and six kids, who needed that many kids? They were gathered around the counter where Kai was talking to the mother, he seemed rather exasperated. Cole felt faintly amused.

The second thing he noticed was the light pouring in from the open door. It was bright and warm, not really what he expected. As he was examining it, someone came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

It startled him, it made a shudder run through his spine. The touch was solid, warm, and a single point on his body.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, glad to see you woke up,” Jay chirped.

“Sleep beauty? What time is it?” Cole asked, turning to face him. Jay huffed and gave him a funny look.

“Like, 1pm dude,” he replied and Cole blinked.

“Oh,” he gasped, he hadn’t slept that late in a long time.

“Yeah, we were going to wake you up but Wu said to leave you alone, oh and Zane too,” Jay explained.

Wu? He would’ve expected Wu to splash cold water on him more than anything else.

“Huh,” Cole said, he hadn’t expected that, “well, good morning I guess.”

“Yeah, whatever, Zane saved you some breakfast. It’s in the back,” Jay said and jerked his thumb towards it.

“‘Kay,” Cole mumbled. He passed by the family and huffed a small laugh when Kai gave him a long suffering look. The mom was still talking then he guessed.

The back of the shop was quiet, just the sound of pages turning. When he looked, he found Zane sitting on a stool reading, on the table next to him was a plate of food. It looked like eggs and bacon.

Zane looked up at the sound of his steps, “oh, good morning Cole. I saved you some breakfast.”

“I heard,” Cole replied, “thanks.”

“It’s rather cold now though,” Zane said, closing his book.

“It’s alright,” Cole said as he pulled out a chair and sat down. He picked up the fork and began to eat. It was cold but that was alright, he couldn’t really taste it anyways. That was one of the worst parts of becoming a ghost. Cole loved food, it was a kick in the teeth when he realized he could barely taste any of it anymore.

“I hope it's good,” Zane said.

“It is,” Cole lied, he was sure it would’ve been though.

It was quiet for a few moments, just the sound of Cole’s fork scraping on the plate and Zane staring intently. It made him feel awkward, so he avoided looking in Zane’s direction. When Cole hadn’t shown up the other night like—that, Zane hadn’t pressed any, just held him until he fell asleep, but Cole was pretty sure he’d ask at some point.

He’d been waiting for it, but he had a pretty strong feeling it was gonna happen now.

Cole swallowed the last piece of food and Zane shifted, leaning forward slightly.

“Cole?” he started.

“Yeah?”

“What happened?”

He didn’t have to elaborate.

Cole sighed softly, he didn’t want to talk about it. He set down his fork.

“Nothing, Zane,” he said.

Zane’s face fell a little, “Cole, you do not have to hide anything from us.”

“I’m not, it's just—ghost stuff,” he said, hoping it’d explain enough that everyone would leave him alone about it. Ghost stuff was a funny way to put it, it made it seem so much lighter than it was.

“You can talk to us about that,” Zane said, “we may not be ghosts but we’d understand.”

You wouldn’t, Cole thought.

“I’d understand,” Zane added, a little quieter, a little gentler. Cole looked up at that and then looked back down. In a way, Cole could see how he could. Zane wasn’t human, his body was not like anyone else. He’d been that way much longer than Cole had, in any way.

The problem though, was that they had almost the opposite problems. Zane, you could say, was too physical. Too hard, not soft enough in places a human should be. Metal where skin should be, wires for veins, and energy where a heart would be. However, that was an equivalence. A rod for a spine, light fixtures for eyes, oil for blood.

Cole didn’t deal in equivalences anymore. There was no equivalent in a human body to the way a ghost was made up. Cole knew, though he didn’t want to say it, that he existed on a different plane.

“I know,” he said, quietly, lying again, “but you don’t have to worry.”

Zane was silent, he looked at Cole with soft but sad eyes.

“Do you want to go outside?”

“Not really,” he said. It was true, he didn’t want to.

Cole remained at the table and Zane remained on his stool, thumbing the book in his lap. Briefly, the cover was open to his eyes but he didn’t recognize the title. The silence was uncomfortable, it was different from last night. He knew Zane was trying, Cole wanted—wanted to give him something but he didn’t have anything to give.

His tongue felt like lead in his mouth.

“I will be—I’ll be at the bounty,” Zane said as he left, pausing at the door to say, “come to me if you need anything.”

“Alright,” Cole mumbled.

After a few minutes of sitting listlessly, he stood up. He pushed his chair in and headed back up stairs. He passed Kai on the way and ignored his concerned look. He found himself standing back in front of the make-shift bedroom, staring into the quiet room. It was dark and the edge of Cole’s foot touched that darkness. Looking into it, he felt like it’d swallow him whole.

He turned around and walked further down the hall. The motions were soothing in a way so found himself slipping away. He walked, softly padding down the hall, eyes open but not seeing. The hallway continued on and on with each turn revealing a hall exactly the same as the last.

It was soothing.

It was the same.

He turned another corner.

“Cole?”

The wood under his feet was brown.

“Cole?”

He paused and turned around. Standing behind him was Jay, holding a package of tea in his hands and smiling in an uneasy way. His eyebrows were furrowed and his gray eyes were staring at Cole oddly.

“You uh, passed through me buddy,” he paused, “why’re you walking in circles?”

Circles?

The top floor of Steep Wisdom was a square, he’d been walking in circles for—for—he didn’t know.

“Oh,” Cole said dumbly, “I—I don’t…”

He trailed off, there was a pit of dread in his stomach. It pulsed and ached, clawing up his throat. Jay was still looking at him weirdly, like he’d seen a ghost. He’d never looked at Cole like that before.

Jay’s mouth opened and then closed again. He clutched the package a little tighter.

He mumbled something, something about ‘leaving’ and ‘downstairs’, and then he was walking away. He carried himself away, beyond Cole’s vision, and there was the quiet sound of someone walking down the stairs.
Cole stared at the place he stood. He slowly turned and looked at the windows, covered by a thin shogi screen. Sunlight filtered in through it, shadows deep where the wood lines intruded. There was a faint floral design imprinted on the screens.

He stared at it.

A jasmine flower shifted, it began to turn circles, like a cog. Like a disease, it spread to the other flowers and vines. Soon, Cole found himself staring at a churning sea of flowers spread across the shogi. They were beautiful and—malevolent.

With wide eyes, he looked down the hall, along the windows and found the same patterns. The same movements. He slowly began to walk down, keeping his eyes on the spanning screens. He walked a circle, his fingertips twitching.

He was back where he started, standing with his back to the bedroom door this time.

He buried his face in his hands

….

When Cole was young, like most young children, he used to play with a shape sorter. His wasn’t very fancy, just a brown, hollow wood box with shapes cut out of the top. There was a triangle, a square, a circle, and a heart.

He never liked it much, it didn’t click like other things did for him.

He kept trying to shove the square into the triangle, the triangle into the heart, and the heart into the circle. Lou had sat him down, picked up the heart and slid it in. He did so with the rest too. Soon the box was filled and sooner it was emptied.

He handed Cole the circle and told him to put it in.

Cole tried to put it in the triangle.

Lou had sighed and took away the box, hanging Cole a stuffed animal instead.

Cole wondered if that's what was going on here, if he was trying to shove something where it didn’t belong. He didn’t want to believe that, everything had been so perfect. They were family. Cole, for the first time after his mothers passing, had felt wholly welcomed. He was the square and he slid into the box.

He picked at his sleeves, sighing when it went his fingers phased through. Was it really though, perfect?

No, he thought.

The ninja were a lot of things, many good things, but not perfect. Briefly looking at their history could prove that. There was Kai’s initial struggle with Lloyd…Wu’s elaborate vagueness…Cole and Jay, fighting over Nya who wanted nothing more than for them to leave her alone.

Individually, they had their problems, he wasn’t blind to that. He thought he was pretty good at recognizing them actually. Kai was, as always, too hot tempered (but he was loyal, and kind), Nya was a perfectionist (but she was smart), Jay was awkward and brash (but he was funny), and Zane was always too quick to give himself up (but he always came back, always).

Cole…he had a lot of problems, none too small at that.

So yeah, they weren’t perfect, sometimes he felt just like he had before Lou had sent him off to that boarding school. Sometimes, he wanted to leave. Most of the time though, he felt like he was home. He didn’t want to be wrong about it.

Cole found himself walking aimlessly into the area around Steep Wisdom. It was mostly dirt and tall rock walls. It wasn’t much to look at, but it went out for a while. Cole didn’t want to go back to the shop, he didn’t think he’d be stepping foot in there any time soon.

He tried to ground himself by pressing his feet firmly on the ground, doing his best to feel solid. It worked, partially. Earth was still, always would until the day he—well. It would be his until someone new came around.

He wondered when that would be, would he have to have a child first? Or would it just suddenly switch? Morro’s hadn’t, at least not yet. It was…interesting to think about Morro these days. At first, he thought the ghost was just—crazy. Still does, but now having been forced to experience things that are…similar, he wonders if it had a role to play. According to Wu, Morro’s problems had begun before he died, so maybe that entire line of thought was a bust.

Still, sometimes he thought back to that ghostly face, twisted up in rage and cruel glee, and then with a kind of melancholic acceptance as he sank beneath the waves, and just—wondered.

It’s all besides the point anyways, Cole's the master of earth, not some maniacal ex-wind master. Earth was solid, real, and beneath his feet. He could trust that, if he couldn’t trust anything else.

He turned a corner of rock and came upon a clearing of sorts. Walls of rock towered high above, a circle of dry, packed yellow dirt laid in the middle of it. Cole breathed quietly and went to the center of it, settling down on his knees with his legs curled under him.

He pressed his palm to the ground and—felt.

The earth hummed under his hands, almost affectionately as if it was saying hello. Cole smiled with closed eyes and murmured back a greeting. He loved his powers, his connection. Seldom did he ever lose it, seldom did he ever curse it. He pressed his forehead to the ground, letting it calm him.

The earth’s veins were wide and far-reaching. It was not one on-going rope, rather, it was like the roots of a tree. It curled beneath the ground and up wherever the earth rose. Life and death were carried in those roots, pulsing and calling out.

A seed many feet away from him, bugs crawling through the dirt just under him, water traveling soundlessly. He could feel it all.

He wondered what it was like for the others. Did fire call out for Kai, singing to him? When Zane put his hands on ice, did it warm him? Jay, when lightning struck, could he feel it? The sea, ever vast and unending, did it yearn to gather the newly realized Nya in its hands? He didn’t know, he wouldn’t, but he hoped so.

His eyes fluttered open as something wiggled on the earth, not within it, usually he wouldn’t have noticed it. It was…subtle, easily lost under the noise of the world. He guessed, these days, he was more attuned with that sort of thing. He lifted his head and tried to locate which direction it came from.

He looked to the right, then the left, and then finally forward. Bingo, he thought. Whatever it was, it was against the wall.

He stood, keeping his connection to the earth through his feet. His steps vibrated, sending out a signal he could feel. He reached the wall and looked around, there didn’t seem to be anything until—

He knelt down, cupping the small thing in his hands.

It was a gecko, small and striped. It was barely half the length of his palm and breathing heavily, its small body rising and falling in a way that looked like it was hurt for something so tiny. It was dying, he realized.

His eyebrows pulled together in sympathy, he wondered if he could bring it to the others. Maybe it was just too hot. Cole cupped his hands around it protecting it from the sun and began his trek back to the bounty.

The thing wiggled in his palm and it was kind of ticklish, which made Cole smile fondly, until suddenly, it stopped. His feet slowed and his smile fell. He could…feel it. It was dead. He opened his hands. It didn’t really look all that dead, just limp. He shook his hand a little and its body swayed aimlessly with it. No reaction, he breathed out disappointingly. The poor thing.

Just as he was kneeling to sit down in the ground, planning to bury it in a shallow grave, something twitched on his hand. Cole gasped and looked down, he found a….ghost?

A gecko ghost?

It was exactly as small as it had been when it was alive. It was green, like Cole, and looking every which way. It zoomed along his hands, looking so…alive! It was a gecko ghost!

Cole didn’t know animals like a gecko could have a ghost, he guessed he was pretty self centered for that. Of course it had a ghost, everything had a soul.

“Hey,” he whispered to it, watching its head whip towards him. It’s beady, black eyes stared at him, “we’re the same now, huh?”

“I’m sorry you had to die, I was bringing you to my friends,” he said and watched it blink. Then, its head tilted and it nudged his palm.

“Oh, you understand me?” its tail flicked, “oh wow.”

He didn’t expect that, he’d never been able to speak to animals before. He wondered if it was a ghost thing, maybe it was more equal, in the place between life and death.

He raised his hands until they were even with his face, the little thing standing right in front of his eyes.

“You’re gonna go to the departed realm,” he said, it tilting its head again, “you don’t know what that is, huh. I wonder if there’s a ton of animals in the departed realm.”

He reached out to pet it’s back and was pleased to find it let him, “You should…”

His voice died out.

“You—you should go, you know, move on,” he said, closing his eyes, “it’s no fun being a ghost, trust me.”

It stared at him, as if asking why he hadn't. His mouth pressed in a firm line.

“I’m not dead like you,” he murmured. Its back was scaly and cool where he ran his down it. It was one of the most solid things he’d felt since he became a ghost, the persistent feeling of fuzz between him and the rest of the world was almost non-existent.

It was pleasant, even if it was sort of sad.

He spent the next few minutes running his finger up and down its body, watching it lean into the touch. It was so small in his hand it was almost intimidating. Quietly, it began to droop, laying flat in his palm. Its eyes closed, it seemed at peace.

Then something interesting began to happen. It’s body began to become more and more translucent before it was barely visible against his hand. Though, he could still feel it. Finally, it began to fade away.

He watched this with a melancholy sort of face and closed his eyes as the tip of its tail, the very last part of its body faded away. He gave it a sort of moment of silence, loosely mouthing a small string of words usually spoken on the day of the departed.

He opened his eyes and curled his empty hands back to his body.

Then, with a slowness, he stood up. He continued the path to The bounty, hands devoid of the original reason why. When The Bounty came into view, he paused for a second. He stared at it, taking in the ship. The Bounty could never die, because it was not alive. Was that blessing, or was it sad?

A lot of the time, The Bounty felt alive to Cole. It was family too, just as important. He wondered if that memory, care, was what made a ghost. He looked down at his own hands. Memory.

He continued on, each step forward feeling exactly the same as the last. He was just coming upon the ship when—

“Cole,” Master Wu greeted, popping up from nowhere. Cole jumped, whipping around to face Wu.

“Master Wu,” he breathed, “I—hi?”

Wu inclined his head and turned around, walking in the opposite direction of The Bounty. He gestured for Cole to follow.

Cole caught up to him, slowing to match Wu’s pace when he reached his side, “where are we going?”

“Well, if you remember, I want to talk to you,” Wu said, his eyes were forward and steady, “I admit I meant to do it earlier but I suppose it slipped my mind.”

“Mm,” Cole sounded, looking away. 'slipped my mind’.

“That doesn’t really answer my question,” he continued after a moment.

“You’re right, it doesn’t,” Wu said and then abruptly sped up. Cole sighed, staring at his back. As was the way of Master Wu. Sometimes he wondered if it’d kill the man to drop the vagueness.

They walked for a while, in silence that was uncomfortable at least for Cole. The sky was cloudy, covering up the sky, and Cole thought it made everything look dreary. Winds began to sweep through, which Cole could only tell because the dust and dirt on the ground was being swept away. Wu’s beard and robes moved with it as well, though Wu himself seemed un-phased. Cole wondered if a storm was coming in, he hoped not.

Cole was gearing up to wring an answer of Wu when they turned a corner. There, a spot Cole didn’t know existed, was a pond. It was small, maybe just the width and length of a koi pond you would see in someone’s (really fancy) yard.

Cole stopped a few feet away from the pond. It really just looked like a pond, there wasn’t anything interesting about it.

“How do you find places like this?” Cole asked as Wu said down, his legs bent under him, and smoothed his lap, the fabric going smooth.

“You can find a lot of places if you only look for them,” he said and patted the spot next to him. Cole hesitated, warily eyeing the pond, before sighing and going to sit. He figured the winds weren’t strong enough to splash enough water to actually hurt him.

“What’d you bring me out here for?” Cole asked. Wu hummed and rubbed his beard, the strands slipping between his fingers. His hands were wrinkled and spotted with age, his knuckles and joints protruded. Much of his body was similar. His face was droopy, his eyes had crows feet spreading out from them. For some reason, Cole felt an irrational bout of jealousy.

“What do you think I brought you here for?” Wu asked, looking forward. Cole huffed and looked away. The water in the pond was going in circles, from the wind. It was oddly hypnotizing. A small rock, a pebble, was tipped into the water. It disappeared from view, sinking to the bottom as if it was never there. It left a small ripple, which too faded after a moment.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, resting his face in his hands. His eyebrows furrowed when it took effort, “that night?”

“Mm,” Wu inclined his head, “maybe.”

“Are you going to ask where I was?” Cole asked.

“No, I do have another question for you though,” Wu said and then he reached out, slipping his finger into the pond. After a moment, he pulled it out, balancing a water droplet on the tip of his finger.

He turned his head and looked Cole in the eyes, “do you think you are dead?”

Cole froze, his eyes snapping to Wu. Wu was meeting his gaze steadily, calmly. Cole looked away, back at the cycling water.

“I…no,” Cole said quietly, “I’m a ghost but I’m—I’m different.”

“How?”

“I’m alive.”

“Ghosts are alive?” Wu asked plainly.

“No—but I—I never died,” Cole said and then it was silent.

A moment.

“What are you trying to get at?”

“I’m not getting at anything.”

“Then why are you asking me these—questions?”

“I want you to think about it.”

“...”

Cole stared at him blankly. Did he think he hadn't?

It ran in his head in a constant mantra, like a prayer. Every time he blinked, he’d open his eyes and remember. Before, Cole’s thoughts of death were firmly locked away, in a space he never touched. Now, that 'space' had expanded, encompassing his soul like a cruel hug.

Cole opened his mouth.

And then he shut it.

“Okay.”

Cole stared at his lap. He didn’t really know what he was supposed to take from this, he wasn’t sure Wu knew either. This is what he meant when he said they wouldn’t understand, to Zane. Cole drifted through it all, wading through the fog.

Everyone else could see though, he was the only one blind to any truth.
The droplet slid down Wu’s finger, finally. He watched it fall, disappearing into the folds of Wu’s robes.

“I don’t want to be left behind,” he murmured, half hoping Wu wouldn’t hear and half hoping he would.

Wu reached out to rest his hand on Cole’s shoulder. His touch was—solid enough. Cole turned to face him, but he kept his gaze on Wu’s nose rather than meeting his eyes.

“We won’t,” he said firmly, his voice scratchy but kind, and Cole wanted to believe him, “you’re family, I’ve…learned my lesson about giving up on family.”

“I don’t want to be seventeen forever,” Cole mumbled, turning his eyes to stare at the lake, “ghosts don’t age. While everyone gets older, I’ll just be the same.”

Looking down at his body, if you could define it as so, was more like looking at a still image painted over. He could change his clothes, he could reposition his hair but he would never change in the way a living being, a live organism, is meant to change. His organs, his blood, everything that made something like a human alive, was gone. Humans age, humans cry, humans bleed.

What did that make him?

(A ghost.)

Wu was silent for a moment, his face giving way to an expression that meant he was trying to come up with an answer, “we…do not know much about ghosts. We know they exist and we know where they go, but like most things related to death, we don’t truly understand what it means. I think,”

Cole met his eyes.

“That it is up to you to define what it means to you.”

Cole looked away.

What it meant?

Death meant a lot of things to Cole.

It meant watching his mother cough and then staring at her coffin. It meant watching his father look away. It meant the winds of a high cliff, holding onto the edge like it would catch him back if he fell. It meant—finding a piece of Zane’s face in the rubble. It meant watching Lloyd cry over the father he had just got back.
It meant staring in the mirror, wondering why his hands were disappearing.

“It doesn’t mean anything to me, it’s just death,” Cole said to Wu.

Wu looked at him with a look he couldn’t quite decipher, it looked sad.

“Sit with me, will you?” he said quietly, folding his old hands in his lap.

“Okay,” Cole replied quietly.

…

The bounty was loud when he came back, but Cole just went to the bunks and laid down.

He was tired.